


Back To The Beginning

by LeonoraChris



Category: NCIS
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst, Confusion, Depression, Do-Over, Dreams vs. Reality, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Fix-It, Flashbacks, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Memories, Mystery, RESTART, Reboot, Rebuilding, Second Chances, Slow Build, Surreal, What-If, two lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-26
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-01-17 01:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 70
Words: 198,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1369561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeonoraChris/pseuds/LeonoraChris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if his whole life working with Gibbs had been nothing but a dream? What happens when Tony—after finally having had enough of the team and NCIS—wakes up in a hospital bed? He finds out he has been in a coma for a while and everything was just a dream he had. What about when he bumps into one grumpy old NCIS Marine? Is this a second chance or will he run away this time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Back To The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  _The story and any possible original characters are mine.  
>  NCIS, its own characters and canon aren't._
> 
> [tvovermind.com](http://www.tvovermind.com/ncis/ridiculously-long-pieces-ncis-fanfiction)  
> My first fic ever... As far as the age differences between Gibbs and Tony goes, I'm going with the actors' real ages...  
> Never really bought Gibbs's supposed age on the show... He really doesn't even look the age he's meant to be...

"No," he heard himself saying.

"Say that again, DiNozzo?" The older man's tone was demanding, furious even. After all _how_ _dare_ Tony, his mere underling, go against his direct orders.

It didn't matter if said direct orders were against Tony's cop instincts and who knows against how many rules, even Gibbs's own. Instincts that he had been forced to suppress far too long, making him almost forget who he was. He had made a promise to never forget the reasons why he became a cop in the first place. He did not want to become one of those 'dirty cops' people would talk about with disdain. To be what his team had already become. All those times when he had to turn his back and close his eyes whenever people who were supposed to catch the criminals were acting too much like criminals themselves, if not worse in some cases.

If it were only the Directors or some other big boss using him, then he could deal with it somehow, but some of them were people he used to think of as his family. People he thought he could trust. Only Ducky and Jimmy—mostly the latter—only those two were still close enough to him. But for how long? Too much had already happened for him to ignore this situation any longer. Far too long had he been following his 'team' around like a lost puppy. After too many kicks here and there he now felt used. Ruined. The loyal St. Bernard had become the punching bag...

Tony rubbed his aching forehead with utter exhaustion. He was pretty sure he'd have the mother of all migraines by the time this little 'talk', where he was cornered by his own team members, was over and done with. Scanning the team and the suddenly silent bullpen in front of his eyes, he knew there was only one thing left for him to do.

"I'm tired, Gibbs," he said quietly, but loud enough for anyone near him to hear it, and the evidence of it was the sudden mix of emotions on the older man's face. Confusion and anger being the most intense. Anger mostly. Deep frown had formed between the eyebrows of doom.

Before Gibbs had a chance to say anything, Tony repeated his previous words, louder and more clearly this time. "I'm tired. There was a time when I thought we were doing something right. Much as I loved our two man team, I even liked having a full team. If Kate hadn't died, maybe things would still be how they used to be or not as we are now. Are you blaming me for her death, or was it Jenny's? Are they, or one of them, the reason? Do you wish it had been me who died..? I used to look up to you, boss. For a time you... you were like the father I never had. I can finally admit it. But in the end you and Senior are not so different."

Gibbs opened his mouth again, but Tony raised his hand and glared at him. "Let me finish talking."

He knew he had said it with too much sharpness in his tone, but he couldn't help it. For once he wanted to just lay everything out in the open, not hiding anything. Burn all the bridges and never look back. And he knew if he would let anyone stop him from talking, he'd just walk away and never speak again. If anything, at the very least he wanted to have one less weight to carry on his shoulders once he was gone. No things left unsaid. He didn't foresee himself ever regretting finally speaking out the things that had been brewing for years.

"McGee... You shouldn't focus too much on your computers and past education if you wish to become a proper field Agent. If you do, you might just as well go back to where you came from, which probably is the better place for you anyway. Take it all away and then what can you offer? How useful can you be?" Tony could almost feel the burning anger thrown his way. "And it won't give you the leadership skills that you seem to think you have. It has to be _in_ you. I lay part of the blame you turning this way on Gibbs, for looking the other way when he should have been the leader, but I also blame myself... And if I were you, I'd be more careful what I write in my books about real life situations and people, especially with the kind of work we do. It's going to put you in some really hot water in the future."

Like the burning anger, Tony could feel all their eyes on him now. For a change he had their complete attention.

"Ziva, our miss Mossad. I pray for the day to come soon when your true colors have been revealed to everyone, before it's too late and the people I still care about end up getting hurt or worse, dead. You're running your own show and dragging everyone down with you. This is not the Ziva David show, but it's the whole team. I guess it's something they never taught you back in Mossad and neither have you been able to learn that lesson in here. Then again it's been clear for years that your heart will always be with Mossad. Nothing wrong with that, but for us and this country you're a huge red flag..."

To his credit, McGee had looked slightly embarrassed, before his mouth became almost a straight line as he was forcing himself to not say anything, yet. Ziva on the other hand had no such restraints and she looked furious and even made a move toward Tony. "How dare you..!"

Surprisingly it was Gibbs of all people who stopped her from doing anything rash. He whispered something in her ear, which calmed her down, but anyone who looked in her eyes could see that all she needed was one perfect moment to make her move. She held her head high and there was a promise of something unpleasant hiding behind the angry face. There was no telling what the 'former' Mossad officer would do, but the fire in her eyes was a big enough clue for anyone looking.

Tony rubbed his forehead again, trying to gather his thoughts before he lost his possibly only chance to be able to talk with raw honesty to anyone willing to listen.

"My dearest Abby. I'm sure by now she's using the security cameras to spy on us... She was once like a sister to me, someone I held so dear to me and I thought she felt the same way about me. However, after Gibbs's 'retirement' incident I realized it was all only in my own head. Besides, just like she among the other two kept telling me, I'm not you, Gibbs. It used to hurt me deeply, hearing those words. I looked up to you. I _wanted_ to be like you. You were my hero, boss. You..."

His voice had quieted down to the point where it was hard to hear what he was saying. Tony swallowed down the sudden lump in his throat. It wasn't something he ever did, breaking down in front of these people, in front of anyone really, and neither was he going to start breaking down now. They had no right to see him at his weakest. There was time for that later on, when he was alone. Well, him and full bottle of something he had saved just for moments like these.

"You were my world, boss. _Gibbs_. As pathetic as it sounds now, but you were the kind of man I always wanted to be. But then I came to realize I had been blinded by the good memories and good times... To this day I regret not accepting any of those promotions and job offers. If I had, maybe we'd still have something left to salvage."

"What promotions and job offers?" Gibbs interrupted suddenly, unable to keep himself quiet any longer. He stood rigid and possessive, looking as if he had the right.

"Gibbs, be quiet. I'm not done talking yet. You'll have your moment to shine." Tony let out a deep suffering sigh and once again he rubbed his forehead. Dealing with this situation and these people had gotten him a full headache, which showed no signs of getting better. Quite the opposite actually. He wanted to get away from this place before he had no chance to think clearly anymore.

Too late, he realized as he found it suddenly hard to gather his thoughts.

"You know what? I could keep talking, but in the end it would change nothing. Not you and definitely not me. I'm not getting any younger and neither are you, Gibbs. I'm over forty years old. I have wasted more than ten years of my life behaving like a good little boy, taking in everything and obeying the commands like a good little toy soldier. At work I've got nothing and once the work is done I'm left with the emptiness. Empty apartment, empty life, empty heart, empty _soul_... I'm so tired. You have no idea how many nights I've spent staring at my gun. That's not who I am. I want to die doing my job or growing old where I get to see my grandchildren and then die while sleeping in my own bed. This is not me. You've done this to me. Not this work. You—" His voice broke down suddenly and he had to take hold of his desk and close his eyes for a moment.

Once he felt the dizziness pass, Tony opened his eyes, just in time to see Gibbs reaching out his hand. To steady him? To give him the mother of all head slaps? Was that concern in his eyes? Before he even realized what he was doing, Tony slapped the hand away. He didn't see the flash of hurt and shock, and then confusion mixed with anger in the man's eyes.

"Don't," Tony hissed between his teeth. Anger or headache. Whatever the reason may be, he didn't care. "I'm done. Done with this conversation and done with you. If you have anything worthwhile to say to me, Ducky or Jimmy can give me a message from you and I'll think really hard if your reason is good enough for me to talk to any of you."

Finished talking, he left his gun and badge on his desk—and if it looked like he made a show out of it, then surely he had the right for that much at least—and turned around toward the stairs instead of the elevator, to make sure nothing stopped him from getting away from there and as quickly as possible. He felt sudden tightness in his chest and it was hard to breathe.

There was tightness even in his voice when Tony spoke again, before Director Vance could say anything to either stop or scold him. "Don't."

The surprise and shock were wide open on Vance's face. He had been in the middle of an important meeting when his secretary came in panicking. At first he thought there was some life threatening situation going on, but although to his great relief that was not the case, this was still almost too much for him to deal with a neutral face. As much as he hated admitting it, there was going to be many people wanting to have his head on a plate if he'd let Agent DiNozzo leave.

"You'll have my letter of resignation by tomorrow. You and Agent Gibbs both. Goodbye, Director. I would say it was nice working with you, but we both know that would be a lie." With that Tony was out of the door before any other word was spoken. Once he was out of their sights, he started running.

In the bullpen the silence was deafening. Gibbs stood frozen as flashes of memories were running through his mind. Memories and feelings involving Tony, which he had never gotten back ever since the explosion. Memories of what they used to be and where things first started going wrong. Or perhaps he had chosen to ignore them. Had he simply become the worst kind of bastard and _chose_ to forget what they had before their team ever became full? What had he lost? How could he have forgotten?

"Tony!" Gibbs heard someone yelling, not realizing it was him as he took off running after the younger man, ignoring the pain shooting through his bad old knee. If anyone else was thinking about following him, the idea was gone the moment they saw the look in the man's eyes, screaming ' _don't you dare!_ ' at them.

McGee swallowed and finally dared to speak again when their boss was gone from the room. "What... What just happened?"

The moment the words were out it was as if someone broke a dam and everyone in the bullpen were talking at the same time. If the silence before was deafening, the noise was bound to leave everyone's ears ringing afterwards.

"What do you mean what happened? Tony just lost his head."

" _Mind_ , Ziva. Lost his mind," McGee corrected with weariness in his voice.

"Whatever. Gibbs will bring him back and then everything will go back to normal. Maybe this was a joke. This is Tony. He is always so dramatic."

"I don't know... I've never seen Tony like that. He was being too serious. _This_ is serious."

"And he will be back to his old annoying self."

McGee didn't add anything. He didn't know what to say. Part of him was angry, but the other part was feeling guilty and _terrified_ at the mere thought of a storm called Gibbs, which was bound to get really bad without that one person around who usually took it all. Realization hit him suddenly. "You know... He rarely was truly annoying and even when he was... I didn't mind it that much. Not really..."

"You are all crazy I say. Do what you want, I need food." Ziva shook her head and left, muttering something in a language McGee couldn't understand even if his life depended on it. Feeling nauseous with no apparent reason, he stood up from where he'd been sitting and left to find Abby, hoping that at the very least she was in a better mood.

As he was entering the silent lab a moment later, he knew there was no such luck. Silence if anything was a sign that something was wrong. As long as he could remember the lab was only silent when Abby wasn't there or something was wrong. He found her sitting in the darkest corner and hugging her stuffed animal, which was making few farting sounds every once in a while, though they sounded oddly off tune, however strange it was.

There were tears rolling down her cheeks. "Why did things go so wrong?" Her quiet voice was loud against the silence in the room and it startled McGee.

"I... uh... I don't know... Can I..?" He waved his hand awkwardly toward the empty spot next to Abby who nodded without looking up.

"I want to be mad at someone, scream at someone, but I'm not sure who to be angry at. I never realized... I want it back, Tim. Our family. I want Tony back. And Kate, but I know _that_ won't happen... I can't remember when was the last time I saw him smiling even one of his stupid fake smiles or the last time he came to see me for no reason or the last time he talked about movies... The fact that I just stopped noticing makes it so much worse..."

They were both silent for a while. Abby was still hugging Bert the farting hippo. McGee however simply stared at nothing, unsure if he even had the right words he could say.

"So Tony was right. You did spy on us through the cameras."

Abby let out a sound, which was half sob and half laughter. "He did always know me well... He always notices things that matter and even things no one else would bother to find out... It seems none of us bothered to do the same for him... Tim... I was too afraid to come to you guys and at least say how sorry I am. I really wanted to hug him, but I don't know if he would have let me..."

When McGee finally looked at her he saw she hadn't stopped crying. It made him feel even worse and he swallowed hard. "You know... If anyone is to blame for any of this, then it's me..."

"Don't. Let's just share the blame. All four of us. Is that clear? I know I want to be mad at someone, but you don't want to face my full fury."

McGee swallowed again. "Y-yes..."

"Good. Now tell me what happened after Tony left. I stopped watching at that point."

"Ah... he... uh... Well, all I know is that Gibbs went after him."

Abby's face suddenly brightened and she smiled. "Bossman will bring him back. I just know it!"

"I don't know, Abby... You didn't see Tony's face as close as I did. I've never seen him look like that. I wouldn't set my hopes too high... Besides..." McGee hesitated and then decided to not add anything. It was better if she didn't know too much about what had been going on between Tony and the team. The way they'd been treating him. The way Ziva had been ever since the Rivkin case. Maybe even before it. The way _he_ had been. It was a wonder Tony hadn't said anything for so many years. So many others would have snapped way before things could've gone this far...

"Oh worry not, Tim. Bossman always sets things right. _Always_. Now, help me up. I've got work to do!" She was reaching out her hand until McGee got up and pulled her on her feet. By the time he left the lab, the noise which she called music was back on.

"I don't think we can fix this one, Abby..." McGee muttered as he walked in the elevator. He did however still hold a small piece of hope that their boss _could_ somehow fix everything. If Gibbs couldn't do it, then who else could?

* * *

Meanwhile the man in question was looking for Tony. Although his car was still in the parking slot, the younger man was nowhere to be found. "Tony! DiNozzo!" Gibbs approached Tony's car, while scanning the area with his eyes. The younger man was sitting next to his car so he almost missed him.

"Tony!" Gibbs couldn't help feeling deep relief as he hurried toward the car, but the relief turned into a frown as soon as he got a better look of the man sitting in front of him. Tony was pretty much hugging his own head and he flinched each time Gibbs talked too loud. Noticing this, Gibbs crouched in front of him and gently yet forcefully removed the arms around Tony's head.

Looking up from his knees, Tony tried really hard to focus on what someone was saying. Gibbs? No, someone else. Maybe. He didn't know anymore. The world around him was spinning and his headache had turned into full skull splitting agony.

"Tony, what's wrong?" Gibbs could only watch the younger man in front of him. Watch the obvious pain and confusion in the once vibrant green eyes and feel helpless when he couldn't make things better.

"Whashapp'nin'..?" It was near impossible getting the words out of his mouth and just as the world started to fade into darkness, Tony felt panic rising and he grabbed someone's hand. "B-Boss..?"

"I've got you, Tony... Ducky is on his way. I've got you..." Although it was oddly soothing, the older man's voice sounded strange. It was as if the man himself was miles away from him and Tony could just barely make out the words. Rough hands were brushing through his hair. Too gently for the owner of those hands.

Suddenly Tony found himself lying on his back, using Gibbs's lap as his pillow. It felt nice. So soft—

Too soft, he realized as he sat up straight, gasping for his breath and eyes wide open. It was loud yet steady beeping noise that brought everything back to focus in front of his eyes. Strong arms were pushing him back in bed and someone kept saying something to him. White room and that smell he hated so much... He must've been brought to a hospital at some point. His head felt as if he was under water and he turned his head toward the person in the room. Expecting to see Gibbs there, he froze.

" _Danny_? Did I die?"

His former partner laughed and called out to someone and then someone in a white coat entered the room.

"Danny?" Tony spoke again, hardly even noticing the other person when there in front of him stood his _dead_ former partner, looking very much alive. Never before had he been so confused.

"You've been in a coma for couple of weeks and that's what you ask? Really, Tony. Should I feel insulted?"

"Alright, Detective. I'm going to ask you a few questions." The man in a white coat was talking now.

Tony gave the two men a blank stare. Coma? Weeks? _Detective_?

"What's your name?" The question brought him back to reality. Only he wasn't sure what reality it was.

"Anthony D. DiNozzo."

"Who is our current President?"

"Obama."

The silence between his answer and the next question was a few seconds too long.

"How old are you?"

"45."

Again, that silence.

"What do you do for a living?"

Because of the silence and the looks he received before, Tony hesitated for a moment. "NCIS..."

"NCIS?"

"Stands for Naval Criminal Investigative Service..."

"Oh... I see... Listen, Detective... What is the last thing you remember?"

Tony shrugged slightly. "Not sure... It's kind of fuzzy. I remember I had the mother of all headaches and then Gibbs was there and—"

"Gibbs?"

"My boss." Tony didn't see the strange looks the other two exchanged.

"Alright, Detective. Why don't you try to relax for a bit? I'll go see if I can find your doctor."

Danny squeezed Tony's shoulder for a few seconds with a small, oddly concerned, smile on his face before following the male nurse.

Tony closed his eyes as he sat up again. Something was wrong, he knew that much. Something was very, _very_ wrong. He made sure to shut down the machine before getting rid of who knows what they had attached on him, some of which he didn't want to even think about. He nearly fell on the floor as he stood up. Using anything he could as a support, he made it to the tiny bathroom.

As he was splashing cold water on his face and then drinking some, he suddenly froze to the spot, staring at the stranger staring back at him. No, not a stranger. He just hadn't seen that face in a very long time. For almost twenty years to be precise. He was looking in the mirror. Looking at his much younger self. His twenty something self. Twenty seven? Someone must've been shaving his face since there was hardly a day's worth of stubble.

There were flashes of images in his head. Memories? Several gunshots and then pain.

He felt suddenly faint and had he not been leaning against the sink, he would've crashed on the floor. The young man in the mirror held horror, confusion and deep despair in his eyes. "What's going on..?" Tony heard himself whisper and only now he realized his voice sounded as if he hadn't used it for a while. He let himself slump down on the floor, staring at the tiles in front of him.


	2. Unreal Reality

The darkness in the room was unreal. The loud wind—which made the tree branch beat against the window—was unreal. The pain in his body was both very real and unreal, yet he refused to let the doctors drug him any longer. Part of his confused mind was trying to reason that once the drugs were out of his system, his mind would be clear and everything would make sense. Perhaps this was all nothing but a dream, which those drugs made him see. Just a hallucination. A bad joke. Soon Gibbs would order him to wake up. Most likely give him a head slap for losing it in the first place.

After finding him sitting in the bathroom, completely out of it and his worst wound bleeding, the doctor and nurses took him back in bed and put him under some heavy drugs. To stop him from causing his wounds to get any worse, was the reason they gave him. That was few days ago.

Once he woke up couple of days later, he was furious and ready to sign himself out AMA. The only thing keeping him there was the fact that there was still too many drugs in his system and he could barely get on his feet before falling back on the floor. After making sure they stopped giving him anything, he hadn't been sleeping much and whenever he felt someone in the room with him, he was wide awake. It meant he getting no rest while he was in the hospital, as usual. No rest also meant it would take that much longer to heal.

The whole time he was lying there, his mind kept pulling him toward two different realities. If this was _the_ reality, he was happy to see Danny alive and well. However, he felt sharp pain deep in his heart at the very thought that all those years, both good and bad times, working at the NCIS were nothing but something his mind had made up. He couldn't handle it so he decided to just ignore it. He would deal with it when he was stronger and finally alone.

' _You're not going to deal with it_ ', small voice in his head accused him. Strangely it sounded like Gibbs. It made him give himself a head slap. "I truly am losing my mind here..."

"You're only confused. You were in a coma and we nearly lost you there. You had some crazy dreams, but if I were you, I'd be careful what I let out of my mouth. Especially around certain people. Which reminds me... You owe me, man. You have no idea how hard it has been these days trying to stop them bringing one of their shrinks to you. I know how much you love them." Danny gave him a teasing smirk as he stepped in the room, holding a rolled newspaper and coffee. With him the room was soon bathing in light. He took the only chair in the room and sat on it next to the bed.

"Hilarious." Tony grimaced as he tried to find comfortable position against the pillows.

"I know you fight to the last breath when it comes to hospitals and meds, but you really should stop putting on the brave face and just agree to let them give you something to ease that pain. It won't make you any less of a man. Trust me. If it does, I promise I won't gossip."

"Pain is what keeps me sane." Tony gave a grim look toward Danny. He found himself getting angry for no reason that instead of Gibbs or 'the others', it was Danny who kept visiting him. It was ironic really, knowing how much pain and sorrow they had caused him. He'd be happy seeing only Ducky and Jimmy though.

"You're making no sense, man." Danny was shaking his head as he turned his gaze back on the newspaper he had started reading. His other hand was holding the coffee mug and noticing how Tony looked rather longingly toward it, he shook his head again. "Nope. No coffee for you. Take it as your punishment for losing it before."

Groaning at the memory, Tony wiped a hand over his face.

When he first felt that mind splitting agony trying to pull him toward both realities, he lost it and scared half of the nurses and other people near his room. He had started screaming in Italian and throwing anything he could get in his hands. Luckily he calmed down before he had been forcibly sedated. He explained his behavior as extreme boredom. It was obvious no one bought his lame explanation, and who could blame them, but so far they had let it go. With some serious threat to sedate him next time he lost it. No questions asked. After that they moved him in another room that had a TV and they left him there, but not without giving him some nasty looks first.

TV had caused a whole another list of issues. He found himself ignoring any news and talk shows as much as he could. Even though on one channel there was a James Bond movie on, he found himself unable to watch it. That if anything would have worried his teammates, or it would have before things went down the way they had.

His 'teammates'...

Tony grimaced as he tried his best to push away any thoughts that had something to do with NCIS and the people he had come to think of as his 'family'. Perhaps this was some kind of dream come true. After all, they wouldn't even mind not having him in their lives. It wasn't that he really minded this either. Really. He was as happy as he could be... So happy... He felt sharp pain in his chest, which had nothing to do with the bullet wound near his heart.

"You know, you really don't have to drag yourself here after the long working hours. I'm sure you could use some sleep. You look like crap."

"Speak for yourself. Have you looked in the mirror lately?" Danny looked pointedly at Tony who barely kept himself from remembering the only time he _had_ looked in the mirror, after which his world had tilted and flipped upside down. Ever since then he'd been stuck in a merry-go-round that was broken. Moving sometimes so painfully slow and sometimes so fast and unevenly that he felt dizzy and sick to his stomach.

"Besides... I might've been put 'on hold' for a while. Meaning, until the shooting incident has been cleared, we're on 'vacation'." The look on Danny's face told Tony exactly how he felt about that. Normally Tony would have agreed wholeheartedly, but maybe for the first time ever, he wasn't sure if he could even handle going to work. What did that even mean? Going to work as a Detective or Agent?

"I feel like I'm Alice and I fell down the rabbit hole... And I'm still falling."

Danny gave him an odd look, but chose wisely and didn't say anything. Instead he changed the subject. "You know. Wendy has been dying to see you. You can thank me later for keeping her away so far. You wouldn't want her to see you the way you've been. So you better man up and put on your best charming smile because ready or not, she's coming tomorrow."

For a moment Tony's mind went blank. Wendy? Too much had happened since the two of them had been together. Since she left him. Wait... They were still together? So the wedding disaster hadn't happened yet. Perhaps he had not even proposed to her... "I'm not sure if that's a good idea..."

The look on Danny's face was almost comical. "You trying to tell me something? You would much rather spend time with your work partner than spend it with your girlfriend?"

"You're the one who keeps coming here uninvited." Tony fought back the boiling anger. It wasn't Danny's fault, this situation. However, since he didn't have anyone to blame, anyone coming close to him ended up getting their share of the anger.

"Easy there. Look, man... I'd be bored at home. I come here and I get my daily comic relief. You're having mood swings like a woman."

"Hi-larious." Tony tried to keep his face neutral, but found himself fighting back a smile. Soon though it was back to grim look as his thoughts wandered to NCIS.

"See? That one right there proves my point."

"Go home. Leave me alone," Tony grumbled, not even realizing how very Gibbs like his tone just then sounded, or how much in general he had been 'channelling Gibbs' for these couple of days when he'd been awake. Ignoring Danny, he turned his back toward the man and pulled the sheets over his head, not caring if he was acting like a five-year old.

Danny shook his head and went back to reading the newspaper. Not that his brains registered anything he was reading. More often than it was needed, his gaze wandered back toward the lump in bed that was his partner. He was confused. Surely not gunshots or even a coma would cause such messed up head as that. There wasn't even a concussion, which was surprising for someone like Tony who seemed to be getting a few of those now and then like it was nothing. Was it really the drugs then?

Danny held back his grin, but lost the fight, when Tony mumbled sleepily, "The old Gibbs would've bullied the hospital staff by now and he would take me home..."

He had no idea who this Gibbs person was who Tony kept talking about, usually when he thought no one would hear him. Staring at his partner Danny wondered how could one man's personality change so much in such a short time. He wasn't used to dealing with this moody version of Tony. The man he had come to know as his carefree partner was almost always smiling and joking around. Flirting with the ladies. Always some perfect movie reference to throw in at every situation. There had barely been hints of smiles, no joking, no flirting and worst of all... _No_ movie references. Unless you wanted to count the Alice in Wonderland comment a few moments ago. Somehow though he didn't think that one would count.

"Get some actual sleep now. I'll make sure no one drugs you. I'll watch your back, man." Had Danny seen Tony's face the moment he said the watching his back promise, he would have seen eyes wide open as a dark look crossed over the man's face.

Shaking his head when he got no answer, though he could tell from the breathing that Tony wasn't sleeping, Danny got up from the chair and flipped the light switch off and the room was in darkness again. "I'll go see if I can find something to eat for us and then I'll come back. Sorry, no pizza though." Getting no answer, he left.

After waiting for a moment, Tony sat up, pushing away the reminder of the pain that would surely get worse when he was moving around. Once he made sure there was nothing attached to him that would cause any alarms to go off, he got slowly on his feet. He was grateful that although still a bit shaky, this time his feet were carrying his full weight. More or less.

Finding the clothes, which Danny had brought for him, Tony changed clothes as fast as he possibly could. With his current state it wasn't happening any faster than what an old man with shaky hands would manage to do. Cursing when he couldn't put on his T-shirt, he threw it on the bed and simply put his jacket on.

Walking straight to sign himself out AMA, he gave them very Gibbs like glare, _daring_ anyone to argue with him. Once outside, he took a deep breath. Just enjoying his moment of freedom.

"And where do you think you're going?"

Tony took one step back and stared. He had barely made it outside the hospital when another familiar face walked toward him. Once again he felt as if he had fallen down the rabbit hole. Or like he had stepped in a time machine and his past and present worlds were colliding. In a nasty way.

"Hello, Wendy..."

"' _Hello, Wendy_ '? Is that the first thing you say to your girlfriend? I know from what Danny told me that your head is a little messed up right now, but I am feeling hurt you know. No hugs and kisses?" There was a teasing smile on her face.

In the past Tony would have answered with some suggestive comment, but in this moment and looking at this woman, all he could feel was the deep hurt of her walking away from him. All he could remember was that he had moved on. Forcing a ghost of smile on his face he stepped forward and hugged her. If the formal way of hugging her didn't ring any alarm bells in her head, then the even more formal and rather cold kiss on the cheek did.

"Tony?" Wendy pushed away from the hug and looked at him from head to toe. The confusion on her face brought that little feeling of guilt.

"We'll talk later. I promise." Shaking his head at her unsaid questions, he started walking away and ignored her calling after him and just kept walking, hoping she would take the hint and just leave him alone for now at least.

* * *

Dropping the keys on the chair, Tony let his gaze wander around the small apartment. It looked exactly as he remembered it.

When he had started working at the NCIS, he got better and bigger place to live in, which after a while had actually started to even feel like home. But before, or now, he didn't care about a place where he would barely even come to sleep, when he was lucky enough to not be tied up to work or when he was made to take a few days off from work.

Looking through his clothes in his bedroom, he felt a smile raising on his face. His taste in clothes had been much more casual than what it was now. Danny and his teasing. _If only he knew_...

Seeing a pair of tube socks laying on his bed, Tony let out a sound of laughter before it turned into crying. He ended up sitting on his bed with his head between his hands, crying silently as his overwhelming feelings finally caught up with him and there wasn't anyone around for him to have any reason to hold back either. No one to look down on him because of his unmanly show of emotions.

After a while the crying changed into sounds of someone sleeping. With the releasing of the shock and exhaustion taking over, Tony felt himself pulled further into sleep. And soon enough he was dreaming.

* * *

_**\- DREAM REALITY -**  
_

" _Jethro! What happened?" Ducky ran toward Gibbs who was sitting near Tony's car._

_There was a look of desperation on the other man's face as he looked up from the unmoving body of someone in his arms. "He won't wake up. No matter what I do. I don't know what happened, but I think he was suffering from a headache. He's been unconscious almost as soon as I called you. I don't know... What's wrong with him, Ducky?"_

_The older man moved closer to examine Tony. The look on his face was grim. "Jethro. You did call the ambulance, did you? Jethro!"_

_Snapping out of his daze, Gibbs nodded slowly. "They're on their way... Should be here soon..." He felt pure raw fear running through his whole body as he finally looked at Ducky again. "You don't think that he..?"_

_The unsaid question was louder than anything he could have said out loud and the desperation so great, Ducky didn't have the heart to start guessing anything._ " _I am sure our Anthony will be just fine, Jethro. We should not be making any assumptions just yet."_

_Getting on his aging feet, Ducky gave a gentle pat on his friend's shoulder and then he rushed toward the sudden noise, which meant the ambulance was finally there._

_Gibbs closed his eyes tightly before he opened them again and gazed down at his too pale Senior Field Agent. "You're going to be alright or I will head slap you so hard you're going to still feel it when you're gray and older than even I am now. You hear that, DiNozzo? You better wake up soon. If you don't, I..." He closed his mouth. Refusing to continue that sentence even in his head._

_Running his hand through the soft hair, Gibbs barely even heard his other team members—plus Abby and Palmer—rushing there. All speaking at the same time. If he had been his usual self, he would've growled at them and made them shut their mouths, but right now his worry and the gut feeling had taken over his usual 'Gibbsness'._

_"Wake up, son... Wake up..."_

* * *

" _Wake up..."_

Snapping his eyes open, Tony was wide awake. His dream was as if someone had rubbed bitter salt into his wounds and then laughed at his pain. Of all things to dream about... To dream that Gibbs would treat him with such care. "I really was dreaming this time..."

Getting up from, he let his hand touch his head. The memory and feeling of the rough hand on his head was strongly in his memory. It had been strange, dreaming about his NCIS life again. Although it was as if he'd been watching a movie, watching the scene play in front of his eyes and almost even hearing the thoughts of the other people. It felt strangely real. ' _Felt_ real'...

"I need something strong..." Finding a few bottles of warm beer in the kitchen, he sat down to drink. "I'm possibly drinking almost twenty years old beer." The thought made him snicker.

Feeling lost in his own mind, he wrapped his hand around the bottle and went to get his phone. Biting his bottom lip nervously, he almost started calling the number he knew he'd never forget, but then changed his mind. There was no way he could call from his own phone. Not when he was still thinking ' _what if?_ '

Making sure he was warmly dressed, he took a cab and let the driver take him far enough from his apartment. Outside some shady bar was a rather filthy looking phone booth, but he barely even noticed the way it looked and even smelled, when someone answered from the number he was calling now.

" _Gibbs_ ," familiar voice grumbled and hearing it, Tony froze. " _Hello? Hello! If you call me, you better start talking or—!_ "

Tony stared at the phone. He just hang up on Gibbs. More than that though, it was _Gibbs_. The number was real. There was no way he could find out that from a dream, right? The number just happened to belong to someone with the name Gibbs, who had the same voice and way of talking. It was after all nothing but a dream. All of it. Just a dream...


	3. And So We Meet Again

Drinking his coffee while glancing out of the window more often than needed, Tony kept making sure his gun, backup gun and more than a few hidden knives were there and ready to use. One of the things that his crazy dream had done to him was making sure he always had at least one knife with him wherever he went to. And he had thrown away his tube socks.

Two months. That's how long it had taken for him to get his act together. Another few strange dreams, a few more breakdowns and he finally even lost the fight against his need for shrinks. Obviously he had played them like the skilled actor he was and gave them what they wanted to hear and he was allowed back to work soon after.

Danny gave odd looks at Tony's constant gun handling. "You know, if you're not careful you're going to end up shooting yourself—even worse, _me_ —in the foot. And what's with all those knives? You're making me nervous."

"You can never be too careful. As for the knives... Rule 9."

"Rule 9?" Danny snorted. He was slowly getting used to the fact that once in a while his partner would almost turn into someone else.

Flashing his famous smile, Tony put his gun away. "Never go anywhere without a knife."

"Whose rule is that?"

For half a second the smile slipped off Tony's face. "It's just a rule. Someday you're going to thank me for keeping it. Now, let's focus doing our work."

Danny gave Tony another odd look before getting back to work. Despite the shrink having given Tony the green light when it came to his mental status, Danny had his suspicions at times like these. Knowing his partner's undercover skills better than some, he truly hoped what he saw daily wasn't just another of the many undercover personas.

"How can you drink that?" He focused his attention on the coffee mug Tony was holding. The very smell of the coffee almost gave him all the caffeine he needed. Not understanding the tight line that had appeared on the man's face, Danny was even more confused. "You didn't drink it that strong before. Besides, you're usually already hyper enough without all the caffeine you're putting in your system these days."

"I just like my coffee strong now. What's the big deal? Now _drop it_. This isn't the time or place." Tony forced himself to focus on the job. Of all times to start bugging him with all those stupid questions...

The truth was he hated the coffee, but lately for some odd reason he had started doing things he would have never done before. Like drinking coffee so strong it could very well destroy his stomach, and his kids and grandkids would be born high on caffeine. He had also signed himself up for some woodworking class and had a sudden liking for black T-shirts with bats and skulls and other odd small accessories, which were really not his thing.

To make things worse, after one drunken night he nearly got a tattoo on his ass. It didn't happen, but only thanks to Wendy who found him barely in time before it did. The scolding, which she gave him, was fairly embarrassing even in his drunken state.

He'd been avoiding any 'big talks' with Wendy ever since they met at the hospital. Instead he had chosen to act as if nothing was wrong. Although once he found the ring in his apartment, he took it back to the store. Thanks to the crazy dream he had while in a coma, he was not sure if he was ready to propose 'again'. Surely it was stupid, but he was afraid that the reality would imitate his dream.

Besides his other studying, he had also started learning more about computers. If nothing else, at the very least his typing skills had improved greatly. With all that overworking and then all his studying, he was sometimes beyond tired, which was why his new coffee addiction came in handy.

Then he had started spending much more time at the morgue. After a week of silence, the Medical Examiner in there had actually started talking to him. However, when he asked if the old man ever talked to the dead people, he got a weird look and another few days of silence before they went back to talking. He wisely never mentioned the talking to the dead again.

And finally last week, while doing some shopping, he'd walked by small figurine of a brown haired female ninja. He almost bought it until the realization hit him: he indeed had lost his mind! It was McGeek's job to buy stuff like that.

"Someone came out."

Tony felt his mouth go dry as he thought he saw a pair of icy blue eyes and maybe even gray hair. No... Real life would not be the same as his dream. But still, just in case... "Hey, you go first. I'll be your backup."

Danny looked at him for half a second too long before he took off, his partner joining him soon after. Tony kept thinking that this was _not_ his dream. He would not lose himself. Not now, never again. However, the moment he stood face to face to the older man with that smug half grin on his face, he let Danny do the talking as there was no way he could possibly get any words out of his mouth.

* * *

Tony finally spoke once the three of them were in the car, him driving and Danny in the backseat with their 'suspect'. "So... Navy guy."

Both Danny and the man looked startled, although for slightly different reasons.

"What makes you come here all the way in Baltimore? No, wait. Let me guess. Undercover? What's your name, navy guy? Wait, let me guess." Tony put on a fake thinking face while Danny stared at him in shock. "Is it George Bailey? No? Tyler Durden? Leroy Jethro Gibbs? I got it, right? Did I, did I?" He put on some fake excitement show and flashed them over his shoulder the most fake smile he had ever shown, before it turned into anger as he hit his foot down hard.

"Tony..! Slow down!" Danny grabbed the door handle in fear as Tony ended up speeding through Baltimore.

Gibbs on the other hand was more shocked by Tony's straight on point 'guesses'. He didn't even notice the speeding as his own usual driving was way worse than this. Although, this driving style did have some similarities with his own.

There was this odd gut feeling, which Gibbs couldn't possibly understand, and he stared at what he could see of this young cocky Detective. He felt the terrible urge to slap the man's head. Unfortunately his hands had been cuffed so the head slap had to wait. He couldn't stop his fingers from twitching though.

Gibbs narrowed his eyes. There was no way his cover could've been blown and as far as he could remember, he'd never met this man before. Yet from the moment they saw each other there had been a strange feeling. Something had almost... clicked. It felt as if they had always known each other. And the way this Detective was acting, it was as if this man indeed did know _him_. Just who was he..?

* * *

Tony slammed the door close after he stepped outside the car. He was filled with unexplained fury and that same confusion was back, which had still plagued him couple of weeks ago. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not ever. He had already left it all behind him. It couldn't be happening.

"What is wrong with you?!" Danny started yelling at him the moment they were inside the station, having left Gibbs to sit on a chair further away. "If you can't put your head straight then maybe you did come back to work too soon!"

"I want out."

"What?" Danny took a step back, confused. The weary look his partner was giving him told him there was more to this.

"I want out of this case. I don't care how, just get someone else to work with you while this case is on. You're right. I need the time off for couple of days or so. Or maybe I could do some paper work instead."

"You're... actually _offering_ to do paper work? Tony... Is something wrong? What am I asking... Of course something's wrong. The question is what."

"I really can't... You wouldn't understand."

"I'll see what I can do about getting someone to pair up with me, while you're taking that time off. But we _will_ talk about this later. You do owe me that much, man. You nearly killed us all with your crazy driving. I mean, what was that? Who are you and what have you done to my partner? Who or what possessed you? Did you get kidnapped by the aliens or something? That would explain everything."

Tony knew there was no way he was going to open up his crazy mind to anyone. "Yeah, sure. I'll go get some coffee. I'll be back soon. By the way, that navy guy is working undercover. I'm sure with few phone calls you can make sure that's the case..."

"How would you know that?"

Tony just waved his hand as he walked away.

"You didn't answer my questions!" Danny watched with bemusement as his partner threw his arms up in the air as some kind of substitute for a shrug before disappearing from his sight. With a sigh, he took his time before getting back to the 'suspect'.

"Hey, you. Where's your partner?" Gibbs felt irritated at the way things had gone down. It wasn't everyday his perfect planning hadn't gone the way he thought it would. And if this was the way these people did their jobs, he wasn't impressed. To top it all off, he needed some coffee. Fast.

Danny gave him a wary look before removing the handcuffs. "I know my partner told me you're some navy cop and I do trust his word, but if you try something, I will make sure you regret it."

He sat down on the chair behind his desk and eyed the older man with suspicion. The man had such sure of himself look on his face. It felt almost like he was mocking him without even using any words. While he was still trying to figure out how his partner would know him, Danny raised his eyebrows when without asking the man stood up and got himself some of the coffee in there. He couldn't help but grimace when after tasting it once, the man dropped the mug in a trash can.

"I asked, where's your partner?" Gibbs repeated his question, displeased that his question had been ignored.

Danny rubbed his forehead. "Coffee run... Look. Could we get on with this? Who are you and what were you doing there? If you've ruined our hard work, I will make sure our boss has a talk with yours."

Gibbs looked amused. "I'm not stopping you. As your partner already told, my name is Gibbs. I work for—"

"NCIS." Danny spoke with a blank look on his face. In the car he had been too focused praying for his dear life, but now that name brought back a faint memory of all those times when Tony had mentioned it. Especially the first time after he woke up from the coma...

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_"What do you do for a living?"_

_"NCIS..."_

_"NCIS?"_

_"Stands for Naval Criminal Investigative Service..."_

_"Oh... I see... Listen, Detective... What is the last thing you remember?"_

_Tony shrugged slightly. "Not sure... It's kind of fuzzy. I remember I had the mother of all headaches and then Gibbs was there and—"_

_"Gibbs?"_

_"My boss."_

* * *

"Detective!"

Danny snapped back to the present time. Seeing the pissed off look on the older man's face, he couldn't help but flinch slightly and he dropped his gaze down to some papers laying on his desk.

Gibbs prayed for patience he didn't have. "Detective. I believe it would work for the best for both of us if we didn't waste anymore time with this nonsense. As I was saying—"

"There you go, Agent Gibbs. Coffee." Tony chose that moment to walk back in there with two large mugs of coffee.

Giving a suspicious look toward the mug, which was given to him, but then after tasting the coffee Gibbs was suddenly a very happy man.

Danny stared in shock how fast the man, who had looked like a dynamite ready to explode, had calmed down with some coffee. _It must've been drugged_ , he figured, remembering the other coffee in the trash can. "What's in it?" he whispered to Tony.

"Coffee."

"And?"

"Strong coffee. This kind of coffee." Tony held up his own coffee and Danny grimaced.

Gibbs spoke suddenly when Tony was clearly leaving again. "Detective. Aren't you going to join me and your partner?"

"No. I asked to be left out of this case. For personal reasons it's better if I have nothing to do with it. You did speak with the boss, did you?" Tony looked at Danny who shrugged.

"Not yet, but I will once I've dealt with this Agent here."

Gibbs kept staring at him, which made Tony feel extremely uncomfortable, but he refused to be the first to stop staring at the other one. He didn't even notice how he kept tapping his fingers against the coffee mug, the only sign that he wasn't feeling as calm as he looked.

"You know, I could use some help..." Gibbs started, still staring at Tony and still trying to understand the gut feeling he had whenever he was near this young Detective.

"I won't be working with you, if that's what you're trying to say. If I have to I will break my leg and be put on sick leave. But I'm sure Danny here would be happy to help." That last part earned him a murderous glare from his partner. Tony flashed his famous grin, which disappeared when Gibbs opened his mouth again.

"I'd like to see you trying, but working with me might not be fun with a broken leg."

"You wouldn't dare..." _Of course he would_ , Tony realized. "Look. No offense, but I don't want to have anything to do with you. Is that clear?" He then turned around sharply and walked away, to avoid suffering through any other moments of 'Gibbsness'.

Danny gave Gibbs his apologetic look. "I hope you forgive him. He hasn't been exactly the same after he woke up from a coma couple of months ago. He's getting better, but for whatever reason running into you has messed him up again."

Although his mind was full of questions, Gibbs held himself back as he thought how he could easily just get people back home find out everything about these people. From birth to this very moment. Their future if he had to. He'd find out every little detail. Even if he'd have to bring out his second 'b for bastard'.


	4. Bitter Coffee

Anthony DiNozzo Junior was not a happy man. No, if anything, he was beyond angry. The words 'pissed off' didn't do justice to his current state of mind.

"How _dare_ he! There's no way he can just _march in_ here with some piece of paper and ' _claim_ ' me! What does that even mean!?" He was fuming. He raised his hand over the people's heads to get the waitress's attention. "Another! Make it double!"

"Hey Tony, man... Maybe you should slow it down... I don't want to have a repeat of you with caffeine overdose..." Danny's voice wasn't even heard as his, vibrating with anger, partner kept emptying a coffee cup after coffee cup. Well, at least it was just a cup and not the usual big mug they would buy their coffee in while on the move. Knowing the strength of that coffee, made Danny's face twist in disgust and horror, knowing full well how the normally hyper young Detective would behave with such amounts of caffeine in his system. And there was no way it was good for anyone's health.

Danny shook his head and looked at his own and first drink with disgust. "I'm pretty sure by now instead of blood there's coffee in your veins... I'll be keeping my eye on your future wounds, just to prove my point. Maybe we should go back before the storm hits us in here. I may not know the man, but even I can tell he was not blessed with patience."

The mention of Gibbs only added more fuel in the fire and Tony exploded once more. "What is wrong with him anyway!? If I see one more sight of that piece of paper of his, I'm going to take it and use it as a toilet paper! No _.._. I'm going to _shove it_ _so deep_ in his—!"

"Here's your coffee."

"Thank you." Tony nodded his thanks to the waitress and went back to drinking. Drinking and fuming. There was no sign of him calming down anytime soon, but while he was fully focused drinking his coffee, he at the very least was quiet for a while.

In his mind however he was running through different scenarios of what he could possibly do with the 'direct orders'. Orders from several people. _His_ boss, the Director of NCIS, several other higher ups and of course the worst of them all: Gibbs himself. Who on earth would go through this much trouble to make his life hell? Gibbs would. Of course. He wanted to punch that smug grin off the man's face.

After Gibbs had left the station, he left with a promise to come back. Exactly a week later today is what had happened as he had walked in and stopped in front of Tony's desk.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

" _I told you I'd be back," was the answer to the young man's unsaid question as Tony just stared up from his now forgotten paperwork._

_The unhappy frown on Tony's face wasn't exactly welcoming nor did he bother to hide his extreme distaste._ " _Navy guy... Look, Gibbs. I have no idea what you want from us this time, but as far as I know the case is closed. Both cases."_

" _Not us. You."_

" _Sorry?"_

" _Trouble with hearing, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked, noticing the way the young man flinched at the use of his last name. Then he handed over a piece of very legal looking paper. "I'm here to claim you. There's more of these, but I'm sure the orders of your own boss and mine should be enough for now." He started listing few other names until Tony held up his hands in surrender._

" _Enough! Are you trying to say that using some lame excuse you're going to drag me around with you? Are you punishing me for something?"_

_Gibbs was startled. "Punishing? No. We have a case going on where we could need the help from someone in Baltimore. I just happened to choose you. That reason enough for you?"_

_Narrowing his eyes, Tony stood up. "I don't believe my boss would agree with any of this."_

" _Maybe not, but his boss did." Having said that, Gibbs dropped another piece of paper on the desk._

_For a moment Tony just stared at the paper as he was feeling the anger inside him slowly growing and finally threatening to explode. The walls were closing in and he knew he had to get out of there._ " _Coffee!" was the only word he got out as he rushed out, almost running over Danny who just came to work. Following Tony, they ended up both sitting down for coffee._

* * *

"The _nerve_ of that man! As if he'd really need our help with all the resources and workers they have at the NCIS! What we have is a joke compared to their fancy equipment, and people they can hire, to make their job easier for them!"

"Not our help. Yours." Danny was puzzled by the amount of anger coming from his partner. With all the mentions of this Gibbs only a few weeks ago, he would have imagined that Tony would be thrilled. Unless of course this was different Gibbs. "Look, Tony. It'll be just one job. Once the case is solved, you'll be back here, solving Baltimore crimes. Hey, if you're lucky, maybe the navy cop will offer you a job? He does seem rather determined getting you of all people to work with him. If it were me, I'd feel honored. I mean the pay must be a whole lot better in that place, right?"

That last statement was finally what put the end to Tony's seemingly endless coffee drinking. Something clicked in his brains and he looked at Danny with narrowed eyes.Then the look on his face softened, making him look almost sad. His sudden change of character confused his partner even further. "Hey... Danny... You do know that money isn't everything, right..?"

"Yeah, sure, but it would grow my wardrobe bigger, and better, and I could even afford to have a life. Money might not be everything, but it sure would make our life a whole lot easier." Danny laughed and took a sip of his now cold drink.

"That reminds me... Is that a new suit again?" Tony took another sip of his own coffee, while reading his partner's face and body language. So far he had ignored his own gut feelings by blaming his crazy dream for messing up his mind and putting such thoughts in there. He couldn't stop the uneasiness torturing him daily though.

Danny looked slightly uncomfortable. "Ah. Yeah. I had to use my savings to buy it, but it does look nice. Doesn't it? It wouldn't hurt you either, updating your wardrobe once in a while. Lately it's been getting even worse. You're starting to look like one of those biker dudes out there."

"Different T-shirts don't make me look any different from before you know. I don't however see the reason for buying expensive clothes with our salary. Sure, one or two would be nice with some money saving." He didn't bother mentioning that after his dream he didn't really mind the expensive suits. Despite the fact he'd been mostly using them as an armor of sorts, instead of the general good feel comfort or good sense of style.

"That's why I would run with open arms after a job offer that has a bigger salary."

"Why, I thought you're doing this job because you like helping people and solving crimes." Tony flashed his famous smile and Danny's posture relaxed immediately.

"Well sure, but if I can do my job _and_ get a nice pay for it, wouldn't that be even better?" Danny winked and the men laughed, one relaxedly and the other forcibly, and one of them was none the wiser.

"There's one thing I don't understand though. _You've_ got all that money just sitting in your bank and you never even touch it." Danny could barely hide the envy in his voice.

Tony rolled his eyes. "I knew I should have never told you about it. In my defense, I was drunk. That money was left for me by my grandparents, through my mother. It's their hard work. There's no way I'm going to use it too easily. If I did, I'm pretty sure my old man would somehow get a sniff of it and he'd be behind my door faster than the blood hound. I want to avoid it for as long as I can. If I was broke then maybe it would be another story..."

"You're crazy, man."

"Not as crazy as you. I wouldn't spend my savings unless I really had to. You never know when you might need it. Save for a 'rainy day' and all that..."

"You don't spend _any_ money, unless it involves your baby." By that Danny meant Tony's pride and joy, his car. "And that insane movie collection of yours. You still need to buy yourself at least one nice suit though. You never know when you might need one."

"I'll think about it, if you think about what I said, Danny."

* * *

Drinking coffee in his car was Gibbs, with his full focus at the coffeehouse on the other side of the street. He could just barely see the heads of the two detectives sitting in there. This had better be worth the trouble.

He couldn't believe his luck when another crime involved with Baltimore happened so soon after the last one. Sure, he should feel sorry for the poor dead bastard, but as far as he knew, the wife beating bastard only got what he deserved. There wasn't so far anyone interested seeing any 'justice' happening to the man so he was going to make this case last as long as he possibly could. He needed all the time he could get to crack the mystery of one Anthony D. DiNozzo Jr.

DiNozzo's file didn't tell him anything and it was just like the man himself. You will be made to think you know everything, yet at the same time you know nothing at all. No more and no less. Even most of the undercover backstories were most likely better and told a lot more than those useless pieces of information he had of this man.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_"What's this? There's nothing in it."_ _Gibbs dropped the file he'd been reading._

" _That's his whole file though. From his parents to the schools he went to. His work history. All the important details," the young, but brave, Agent spoke. His brave act however didn't last long under Gibbs's famous glare._

" _I don't_ want _to know about his school or work history! I want to know about_ him _! What's his favorite color! What pets did he have as a kid! Who are his friends and enemies!" Losing his patience, Gibbs stormed out of the bullpen and went to Abby, taking the file with him._

" _I have a job for you, Abbs," he grumbled and startled the young goth working in the lab._

" _Gibbs! Don't do that!" Despite saying that, she had soon her arms around Gibbs in her usual bone crushing hug._

_Giving a kiss on her forehead, he handed her the file. "Show me your magic, Abbs. I want to know everything."_

_Abby stared at the picture of the young Detective._ " _Who's he? Is he going to be working here? He looks like one of those pretty boys. Movie star handsome. You don't really think he'd be fit for a job like yours? I don't want some pretty boy here if he can't even watch your back. What if he gets you hurt or worse, killed?"_

" _Abby!"_

" _On it, Bossman!" Giving him a mock salute, Abby sat down to begin her work. Reaching toward her almost finished Caf-Pow, she was handed a new one. "I knew I love you, Gibbs!"_

_Shaking his head with a half-smile, Gibbs almost left the lab before stopping for a moment. "Another thing... Try to find if there's anything in his past where he and I might have met. Maybe even people we both know."_

" _You think you already know him? Gibbs?" Abby turned around on her chair, only to see the older man was already gone. "I hate when he does that..."_

* * *

In the end Abby had indeed found a whole lot about the Detective. Strangely, even his favorite pizza. She had even found out that the Detective had been disowned at the age of twelve. A small detail that for some reason had made Gibbs angry for the rest of the day. So even though Abby had found answers to many questions, yet even with _her_ special magic, Gibbs wasn't pleased, which in turn made Abby upset for not being able to fulfill her Bossman's wishes.

Not one to give up when a challenge had been thrown, Gibbs wasn't going to give up now either. Sure, his newfound obsession didn't make a whole lot of sense even to him, but his gut feeling simply refused to give him a moment of peace.

Gibbs felt the corners of his mouth twist in amusement the moment those two Detectives came out of the coffeehouse and the target of his obsession spotted him. Tony had a spooked expression on his face. He took hold of his partner and shook him, yelling something, looking as if he was high on something. The beginning of a smile on Gibbs's face fell and turned into a frown. What exactly was he getting himself into?

"He's all yours, Agent." The Detective, Danny Price, had the nerve to look rather pleased with himself as he opened the door to the passenger seat and Tony stumbled inside.

Throwing his patented 'Gibbs glare', Gibbs started his car and took off as soon when the door was closed, leaving bemused Danny standing in the cloud of dust.

Danny shuddered at the thought of such two strong personalities together. There was no way it could end up well. To top it all off, it was obvious by now that the Agent wasn't born with patience and Tony on a normal day could be acting like overgrown child with ADHD. Whether that was just an act or not was still unknown. Today however the man was pissed off and full of caffeine. Oh, to be a fly on the wall when those two started butting their heads together...

* * *

Tapping his fingers against the door handle, Tony kept twisting and fidgeting on his seat. He was at his limits. Way over. If this Gibbs indeed was the same as the Gibbs in his dream, he knew it was wiser to sit still and keep his mouth shut. However, he was about to go nuts and he couldn't stop himself from talking or doing something with his hands and feet. And then there was all that added caffeine... By now they'd been driving through Baltimore, out of Baltimore and they were still driving. The older man hadn't uttered one word to him.

"Are we there yet?" No answer, but Tony was pretty sure he saw the man's fingers twitch on the steering wheel.

"Where are we going anyway?" Still no answer.

"You know, a little warning would have been nice. I could've taken my overnight emergency bag with me." Silence.

"You're not much of a talker are you, navy guy?" That earned him the patented 'Gibbs glare'. Well it was _something_. Only in a dream or not, but never having been the one to cower under that glare, Tony simply flashed his unashamed smile.

After surprisingly long ten minutes of keeping his mouth shut, he opened his mouth again. "Are we going to be there soon? I really need to use the bathroom..." No answer.

Starting to truly regret his caffeine intake, Tony changed the radio channel for the third time during the last five minutes, and who knows how many times during the whole ride. His other hand joined into tapping with the beat of some very loud rap music. Next, his feet joined into the beat and before long, he was singing loud.

Barely three minutes later, Tony was changing the channel again. "Ah! I remember this one movie I once saw—I was just a kid then—this song kept on playing in my head for weeks! It drew my nanny almost insane! Our housekeeper found it hilarious though and then I rewatched the movie with his blessing. I think he was secretly enjoying the torture my nanny went through because of it. I loved the movie back then. Now it seems too silly to watch anymore, but back then it was all I wanted to watch for weeks straight! I think it must have been because I could relate to the main character, even if it was a girl. Not that I think it really matters that much. It was the story and—"

In the middle of his usual 'Gibbs speeding', the man suddenly pressed his foot hard on the brake pedal, making the unprepared Detective hit his head, hard.

"Get out," was the only thing Gibbs managed to utter between his teeth and Tony more than happily obeyed. He was barely out of the car, when Gibbs reached over to close the door and took off, leaving the bemused man standing in the middle of the empty highway.

"He couldn't just head slap me?"

Not being the type of person to expect anyone to come and get him, after all this was Gibbs's doing, Tony shrugged and started walking toward the nearest bus stop he remembered seeing on their way. Somewhere. For a moment he was grateful there was no other people around as he rushed to relieve himself behind some bushes. Well, at least he got his 'bathroom break'. And _of course_ he had forgotten his phone at the coffeehouse...

* * *

It was starting to get dark and a little cold as one very annoyed Detective kept walking, unsure where he even was. He was pretty sure by now he should have found the bus stop, but he'd been walking for hours. He didn't understand how it was even possible to get lost on one very straight road. It had to be the caffeine. There was no other explanation.

"Anthony... You woke up from that coma too soon... You could be resting nicely in a very soft and very warm bed. Pretty nurses taking care of you. Giving you sponge baths..."

Noticing the first car lights in what seemed like hours, coming from behind him, Tony almost felt relief for a possible ride back home. The car slowed down before he was even fully turned around. Taking one look at the driver and Tony started wondering which would be worse: walking until he found some civilization or sitting back in the car with Gibbs.

The older man rolled down the window and looked as if nothing was out of place. Although he growled his order, there was a very slight tone of relief in his voice. "Hop in. Don't make me wait the whole night here, DiNozzo."

To the death of him, Gibbs wasn't going to admit that he'd been driving around for hours, trying to find the young man. He had only planned to leave him use up the obvious extra energy, while he himself took a break in the small diner not so far from the place where he had 'dropped Tony off'. Had the man walked forward instead of choosing to walk back toward where they came from and then getting lost, they would have met there.

Instead Gibbs had found himself staring at the very loud clock ticking on the wall and after one hour had passed, he was ready to panic. Not that _he_ would ever panic... Of course the man hadn't answered his phone either. After all the trouble he had gone through getting the number, which for some reason was hard to get. Why couldn't anything go as he had planned when DiNozzo was involved?

"Well?" He watched as after a moment of hesitation the man walked to the car and started fumbling with the passenger's side door. Thanks to his frozen fingers it was rather hopeless. Grumbling under his breath, Gibbs reached over and opened the door. He watched as Tony got inside the car, closed the door just a little too loudly than it was needed and after couple of failed attempts managed to put the seat belt on.

Driving just a little bit slower than usual as it only kept getting darker, Gibbs—of all things—found himself getting annoyed at the silence. "So, how much coffee did you drink?" Silence was the only answer he got. Looking at the man next to him, he saw him sleeping.

It was obvious, even in his sleep, that the young man was freezing. Turning the heating in the car up, Gibbs pinched his nose. He was not feeling guilty. He wasn't going to be caught apologizing.

Gibbs cursed softly. He _was_ feeling guilty and he had no idea what to do with it. Shrugging off his own jacket and while still driving, he placed it on Tony. Putting the radio back on he rubbed his tired face. It was going to be a very long drive for him...


	5. The Memories From The Future

Opening his eyes the first thing he saw were the bright city lights against the dark night sky. Rubbing the back of his stiff neck, Tony let his mind wake up slowly while trying to guess where he was. He was sitting in a car, that was sure. Looking next to him, he saw the driver of the car, who looked like he sure could use some sleep as well. The driver looked at him for a moment before returning his focus back on the road.

"Gibbs?" Suddenly it all came back and once more everything came crashing down on him. Oh what he wouldn't give for one nice memory loss. Preferably from the moment he woke up from that coma.

"Almost there," Gibbs finally spoke. Without his beloved coffee, he found it hard to stay awake. However, he wasn't one to crash his car with a passenger on, so with pure power of his will alone he hadn't fallen asleep. He had even been driving his car slower than he had in years.

"Where exactly are we going?" Although Tony asked the question, but seeing the very familiar road, he had a pretty good idea. Knowing where they were heading made the knot in his stomach become even tighter. He didn't want this. For a good reason he had been against going anywhere with Gibbs. Doing anything with the man. He could barely hold his messed up head together, but if he'd have to face more things from his dream, he might as well sign himself in the nearest mental institution.

"My place. To sleep."

 _Please no_. "Uh. Sure. You could drop me off to some hotel on the way."

Gibbs looked annoyed. "Did I say anything about a hotel? I said my place. Sleep." Clearly the older man's brain cells weren't all working properly anymore, so Tony chose wisely to remain quiet for the rest of the drive.

The house looked exactly as he remembered it, with a few minor differences here and there. For example, the paint on the house looked rather fresh, as if someone had not too long ago painted it. Standing outside the building was hard for Tony, but stepping inside was a whole another issue. Try as he did, he couldn't move his feet.

"Get in." Just with that, a short command from Gibbs and the spell was broken.

The front door was unlocked and Tony didn't even bother trying to look surprised. Doing his very best to not look around, he followed Gibbs inside the building. It didn't last long as he tripped over something.

Gibbs barely even looked at him. "Watch your step."

Looking around the room, Tony noticed moving boxes everywhere. Before he could stop himself, he had opened his big mouth again, grinning widely. "Ex-wife number three?"

Gibbs just glared at Tony. Somewhere in his tired mind he knew there was something very odd about what the young man had just said. "Upstairs. Guest bedroom."

"Right..."

It was as if the walls were closing in around him when Tony walked slowly upstairs and toward the guest room. Opening the door to the room, he could only stare. How many memories did he have of spending nights in this room? It had pretty much become _his_ room. During the years the room had been filled with his belongings and some of his things ended up in other parts of the house as well. Until everything jumped to the winter zone. He stopped visiting and Gibbs stopped inviting him over.

"Yes. That's the room. Now get in there. We'll get to work tomorrow morning." Gibbs didn't even question how his guest had found the right room without a moment of hesitation. He left Tony in 'his' room and went straight to bed himself.

Sitting carefully on the bed, Tony stared at his hands. It felt so wrong being there. He felt... At home. Being in this house he could feel a connection between the dream and reality. Or reality and the dream. He didn't even know anymore. Maybe he never would. He knew that simply ignoring the problem wasn't going to do him any good. It didn't make it go away, but the whole idea of acknowledging that maybe _—_ just maybe—he should take his dream and situation more seriously, wasn't going to happen anytime too soon. Perhaps there was something seriously wrong with his brains? Maybe the doctors at the hospital missed something. Maybe... Maybe this reality was the dream after all.

Closing his eyes Tony could easily picture himself in the future, sitting in this room. Watching some movie from the TV he'd brought with him after one of his longer stays. Laughing at some joke in the movie and trying to explain to the older man sitting next to him why it was so funny.

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

" _Come on now, boss! It's funny!"_

" _What I don't get is how you're watching a movie with a title that sounds like it's some chick flick."_

" _It's called Princess Bride, boss, and you're like this kid who keeps interrupting during the movie."_

" _You're the one who has the need to comment every single thing. And I thought you liked James Bond kind of movies."_

_"I do like James Bond kind of movies," Tony imitated Gibbs's voice and only laughed at the softer than usual head slap. "Let's just watch the movie now."_

_By the end of the movie, Gibbs still didn't like the movie, yet he hadn't left even once during the whole time the movie was on._

" _You owe me, DiNozzo. You're starting to remind me of my ex-wives forcing me to watch their romantic comedies and sob movies with them."_

_There was a mischievous glint in Tony's eyes as he looked at the older man. "You do realize I didn't force you to stay here, watching it with me? I merely suggested if you're interested then you could join me_ if _you wanted..."_

_The gentle head slap was not unexpected, but the short ruffling of his hair was._

* * *

Happy times, before things turned ugly.

Tony was startled by the sudden sound of a car driving past the house. Other than that, there was complete silence in the house.

Feeling how it was becoming hard to breath, just being there, he jumped on his feet. Moving without making any sound, he would have made Gibbs very proud. That is if he hadn't forgotten those boxes all over the floor. As soon as he made it downstairs, he stumbled over not only one but three boxes there. Cursing softly, he didn't bother to check if it had woken up the sleeping man upstairs. With great urgency to get away from the house, he stepped outside.

Hands deep in the pockets of his leather jacket, to keep his fingers warm, Tony started his slow walk toward the nearest hotel. At least he hadn't forgotten his wallet. But oh boy, Wendy was going to kill him for missing their dinner...

Once the morning finally came, the owner of the house was still no wiser that his guest had disappeared sometime during the night.

Walking down the stairs at 5 AM, Gibbs was only half awake. Not having slept too many hours anyway. It was only once he was sitting down in the kitchen and finishing his second cup of coffee, when he realized something was wrong. First the part from last night—which his tired brains had barely even registered—hit his mind fully alert. Then he remembered walking past the guest room. The door had been open and no sign of the Detective in there.

Taking two steps at once, Gibbs hurried in the room. It was obvious that no one had slept in bed. He didn't even bother checking rest of the house, knowing full well DiNozzo wasn't there.

* * *

"My guest room not good enough for you, DiNozzo?" Gibbs kept his face neutral although inside he was fuming. It felt as if the mystery of this young man only kept growing the more he got to know him. He'd been planning going to work first and then hunting down DiNozzo's ass and bring him to work with him, kicking and screaming if he had to. But instead the man was standing right outside the Navy Yard. Looking like he owned the place, with relaxed posture and arms crossed over his chest.

Leaning against the wall, Tony flashed his famous smile and shrugging slightly, he walked toward Gibbs's car and got in. "Nah. I went to a hotel. Figured if I wanted to spend the night with a hot date, I better sleep elsewhere." The hardhanded head slap didn't completely surprise him.

"Feeling better now Gibbs?" The smile on his face was slightly sorrowful. How long had it been since the last head slap, in his dream reality? And how pathetic was it that he even missed the more violent side of Gibbs's 'affection'?

"My fingers have itched since the day we met." Gibbs glared and drove inside the building. He took the Detective by his arm once they were at the parking slot, stopping him from getting out. "You can stop the games with me, DiNozzo."

Tony's whole body stiffened for a moment, which didn't go unnoticed by Gibbs.

"I've seen your files and have done some extra digging of my own."

_Meaning, you let Abby dig out all the dirt on me for you_ , was Tony's automatic thought.

"You have a long time girlfriend. So unless you're into cheating, you better give me better answer. What's wrong with my guest room?"

"Nothing... It's just that... Look, Gibbs. You wouldn't understand. It's personal, okay? Let's just agree I have some issues with sleeping. I get nightmares and it's my own private matters. That enough for you, _boss_?" There was coldness in Tony's voice.

Oddly enough, Gibbs was pretty sure he could read clear message behind that. It was as clear as if the man had screamed it out loud. ' _Back off or I'll bite!_ ' Okay, so maybe not the bite part, but watching the man sitting next to him, it was as if watching some wild and wounded animal who was being cornered. He should tread carefully with this DiNozzo mystery, he realized.

"Fine, for now." He'd spoken automatically and without thinking. Knowing he had screwed up, but then seeing the half-smile and a faraway look on the younger man's face, it confused and frustrated Gibbs even further. Was there really no way of telling what he should be doing?

"Are we going now?" Tony was looking straight at Gibbs, who realized he was still holding the man's arm. The arm finally free, both men got out of the car.

"Alright captain, Ahab, let's get to work then."

Gibbs stared at the back of the man who walked as if he already knew where everything was and where to go. "Ahab?" Gibbs wondered, but was met with the silence as DiNozzo had frozen to the spot, in the middle of the parking place. He smirked when he realized that the man didn't know his way here after all. "Come on, DiNozzo. This way. We don't have a whole day."

It was only in the elevator when he realized the man hadn't followed him.

Tony had walked with calmness he didn't feel. Silently he was praying for just one difference that would prove to him there was a difference between the real world and his dream. Other than the differences he himself _made_ happen. He was about to walk past that very familiar parking lot, when everything around him slowed down. He barely heard Gibbs behind him saying something as he just stared at the empty spot on the ground. There was sharp pain in his head, real or the memory of his dream, he didn't know. Rubbing his head furiously, Tony stared at the scene from his dream playing before his eyes or perhaps it was all in his head only. It was hard to tell.

" _Come on, son. You have to wake up..."_

"DiNozzo!"

It was as if there was explosion of the two worlds colliding inside Tony's head at the sound of Gibbs's voice from both his memory of a dream and the real one standing in front of him speaking at the same time. Looking up from that spot on the ground, he didn't know how pale he looked or how many times Gibbs had been trying to get his attention. There was an odd expression on the older man's face. Was it concern?

"Hey, Anthony—"

"It's Tony..."

"Tony. You okay there?" Gibbs reached out his hand in case the Detective was going to pass out, but the man pushed it away almost as if the touch had burned him.

"I'm fine... Just... I think I'm going to be sick..." Barely finished saying that, Tony started vomiting. All over the shoes. Gibbs's shoes.

* * *

"Sorry." It was the seventh time Tony had apologized to Gibbs. The man hadn't said a word. With surprising calmness he returned to his car, changed his shoes, and dragged the still pale Detective with him in the elevator. Right before the doors opened, Gibbs stopped the elevator. Tony didn't even blink his eyes.

"I really am sorry..."

"Don't apologize."

"Yeah, yeah. It's a sign of weakness. I know. Rule 6 and so on. Can we move on now? I know it's still early in the morning, but someone else might want to use the elevator."

"Rule 6?" Gibbs's eyes narrowed and Tony realized his mistake. _  
_

"What about it?" Tony averted his eyes from the 'Gibbs glare', which he usually had no problems with.

"Did you go through my things while I was sleeping?"

Tony relaxed immediately and thanked God for small mercies. He flashed his smile. "I would say I'm sorry, but I did tell you to take me to a hotel. I was born to be investigator. I can't help my curiosity."

"Stop it. I know you're lying."

"What makes you say that?" Tony faced the ice cold stare with calmness.

"My gut."

Of course. There was always _that_... Tony couldn't help but laugh softly at the answer.

"Who are you? Why does it feel like you know more about me than all my ex-wives put together? My ex-wives, father and many people closest to me!"

"I don't—"

"I'm sick of you playing games with me, DiNozzo! Now start talking! Who are you?!"

"What does your gut tell you..?"

Gibbs went silent for a while and let go of Tony. At some point during his yelling, he'd taken hold of the man's T-shirt.

"I don't know and that's the problem. I know you're not some criminal or I wouldn't have called in every favor I could think of to make sure you would be here with me right now. I also know I have never met you. I don't recognize your name either. You've been pretty much reading my mind since the day one. _You_ obviously know _me_ , know about my ex-wives and who knows what else. It seems you've even been to my house before. Worst of all, my gut tells me I could trust you to watch my six. So since I have _no idea_ what all this is and _you_ seem to be having _all_ the answers then _please_ , answer my questions." There was both pleading and command in Gibbs voice.

"I'm sorry... You wouldn't understand—"

"Then _make_ me understand!"

"Gibbs... There's _no way_ I could make you understand while I myself don't. It's just... For years... When I woke up from a coma... It was just a crazy dream..." Tony looked, sounded and felt so lost. "Things are happening that make no sense, and yet they are. My mind is really messed up right now. I fear I'm losing it. I just... I _can't_ talk about it."

Gibbs stared at the man standing in front of him, trying to read the situation and then decide how to go from there. "Alright. We won't talk about this."

"Thank you..."

"For now."

"Gibbs..."

"Obviously, whatever is going on in your head, you need to talk about it to _someone_. It's your choice. Either you talk to me or I will drag your ass to meet some nice and friendly shrinks to talk to."

"You have no authority to do that..."

"Watch me."

Tony grimaced. Knowing full well what Gibbs's threats were. Not threats, but promises.

* * *

"Oh no. I really don't need this." Tony backed away the moment he realized which floor the elevator had stopped at.

Gibbs raised his eyebrows. "You don't even know what we're doing here, DiNozzo. No, wait. You already know what my next move is going to be?"

"More along the lines, I can read you well enough and I've gone through this same situation too many times to count. I really am fine. I only was feeling sick because of some very intense flashback. I don't need to be looked over."

Lost fight was a lost fight. Gibbs didn't give room for any arguments and half dragged Tony with him to the morgue where an old man was clearly just starting his work. Smiling gently, the man looked with open curiosity at the two men entering the room.

"Well, good morning, Jethro. And who might this young fellow be?"

"I'm Detective Anthony DiNozzo, but you can call me Tony."

"It is nice to _finally_ meet you, Anthony. I have already heard so much about you from Jethro and Abigail. I must say that I am very curious about you. Although I must confess it cannot even be compared to Jethro. Oh, but how thoughtless of me. My name is Dr. Donald Mallard, but my friends call me—"

"Ducky..." Seeing and hearing the familiar and friendly old Ducky nearly brought tears to Tony's eyes. He was a man though. He was not going to start crying with an audience, one of them being Gibbs of all people.

The doctor's eyes were twinkling with delight. "My, I see Jethro has already told you about me."

"Actually..." Gibbs began, but one sharp look from Tony made him change his mind. "DiNozzo was feeling sick earlier. I'm pretty sure he nearly passed out. Was looking weak and pale. Then he threw up, all over my favorite shoes." He held back his smile at the deathly glare from Tony.

"Oh my. Let's take a look at you then, my boy... But first, let us find you a chair to sit on..."

"I don't want to hear about you or see you before Ducky has given you a _full_ examination, DiNozzo," Gibbs ordered. "I'm sure you know your way to the bullpen once he's done..." And then Gibbs was gone, finally allowing a wide grin to spread on his face. A little payback did feel nice and at the same time Ducky would make sure DiNozzo really was okay and perhaps even get out a few secrets from him. It was another thing how he would be getting Ducky to talk and share any of that with _him_...

Back in the morgue, Tony was trying to talk himself out of the situation. "I really don't need a full body examination... I already have had more than my share of those during the past two months or so because of my last injuries."

"I can see that. These must have been quite painful." Ducky let his fingers brush over one of the newest scars, where not so long ago had been a big bullet wound.

Tony shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I slept during the worst of it. Was in a coma for two weeks, or so they told me."

"I see... It seems to me you are rather accident prone young man, looking at these old scars, which I can see perfectly without even examining you further..."

"So I've been told..."

"I would be interested seeing your old medical records. It must be quite thick I would imagine."

"That'd be fine, but I don't work here and once this case is closed, I'll be back in Baltimore."

"That is such a shame. I believe you would be a great addition in here. I have not seen Jethro quite this frustrated in years and over something that has nothing to do with a case. It is quite entertaining to see him on the receiving end of that emotion."

Once he was finally allowed to put his clothes back on, Tony was more than happy to do so, but he found himself reluctant to leave the morgue. To leave Ducky. It didn't go unnoticed by the old man.

"You know, Anthony... While you are here... If you ever do feel the need to talk, anything you may say would remain between you and me."

Tony's face softened and he smiled. "I know that, Ducky... I know. Thank you. I'll keep that in mind..." He was on his way toward the door when he stopped and turned around. "Would you think I'm crazy if I'd tell you we've already met? In a dream."


	6. It Doesn't Have To Make Sense

Although he knew at the very least Ducky would never laugh at him or treat him like he was mentally unstable, Tony still felt very nervous standing there. Not to mention how close he was regretting for opening his big stupid mouth.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

" _Would you think I'm crazy if I'd tell you we've already met? In a dream."_

_Ducky looked slightly surprised, before he walked away from him and for a moment Tony thought the man was walking away thinking the worst of him. It made him feel defeated. If Ducky wouldn't take this well then no one else would either. Well, except Abby perhaps. But then Abby was just... Abby.  
_

" _It is good indeed that I came to work early today."_

_Tony looked up and saw the old man walking back with two cups of something hot in them._

" _I decided to have a nice cup of tea before work so now I suggest that you and I sit down and drink it before it gets cold. I am rather interested hearing more about this dream of yours."_

_Tony blinked his eyes once, twice and then a wide grin spread on his face. He had no heart to tell Ducky he'd rather not drink the tea so he took the very hot cup carefully in his hands._ " _Well, Ducky... It's rather crazy and a very long story to tell really... There is truly no way to tell it all at once."_

_Both men sat down since Ducky had brought another chair in there just for that and both were now wondering for a moment what to say next._

" _Well, my lad. We can always arrange more time if needed. You do not have to worry about Jethro. When it comes to that, I can handle him."_

_Tony sighed softly. "Actually, the full story is even longer than that really."_

" _And may I ask how long to be precise?"_

" _Way over ten years long."_

" _Oh my... Well you are right, it is long."_

_Silence took over the morgue for a few moments as they both tried to drink their still too hot tea. It was also an excuse for them both to choose their words carefully. After a while Tony finally decided to try explain his crazy story to Ducky._

" _I feel like Cris Johnson—he's played by Nicolas Cage, in the movie Next—in that moment when he has lived his life to a certain point and he ends up waking up in bed, back in the past or rather present time. It had all been just a possible future, which he saw and could now change. Only I didn't wake up next to a pretty woman, but in a hospital bed. Feeling like crap and still more or less looking like one too."_

" _I am afraid I have never heard of the movie."_

" _Oh you wouldn't have. It doesn't come out until 2007._ _In fact, you have no idea what you're missing. There's some pretty good movies coming out in the future." Tony smiled weakly, but then the smile faltered and he got more serious._

" _All jokes aside. The fact is... While I was in a coma couple of months ago, I was dreaming that I kept living my life from the moment of the shooting, which was how I ended up in the coma... Many things that I saw in the dream are now actually happening in real life. Even some of the things that I'm trying to change on purpose... In my dream world, by now at this point of life, Gibbs had already invited me to come to work here in NCIS. In his own special way of course. Besides him I also met you, Abby, Gerald, Jimmy, Kate, McGee, Ziva and so many other people who I can't even begin to try to mention now. I would like to try and find some good explanation for this all. I_ have _tried finding some explanation. Frankly, the way my head is so messed up right now, I would even welcome some brain tumor as an explanation with open arms."_

_Tony took a few deep calming breaths and scratched absently at the area with his newest scar, which was still slightly itching sometimes... He wouldn't face Ducky's eyes until he had finished the short version of his 'situation'. Thankfully Ducky wasn't about to intervene. Thinking about his next words, Tony rolled a paper ball between his fingers, which he'd made from the napkin Ducky had given him along with the teacup.  
_

" _I mean it's crazy, right? It's just some stupid coma induced dream. My partner told me that, my doctors told me that, the shrinks told me that. Every person who has heard of my little 'crazy dream' has told me that. Now even Gibbs thinks I'm some crazy person or then he must be thinking I'm someone sent to spy on him, since I know things about him I shouldn't know."_

_Taking a sip of his tea, Tony was finally brave enough to look up. Ducky looked plain curious and he was drinking his own tea without hurry._

" _The thing is... In my mind I feel I'm older than I obviously now am. I suppose I should be glad. From 45 back to 27. It's a dream come true, right?" Laughing bitterly Tony ripped another piece from the napkin and rolled it into a small paper ball._ " _I feel trapped. My body may be here, in this reality, but my mind is still stuck in that dream of the future."_

* * *

Back in the present time, Ducky had almost finished his tea.

"I have to confess..." he started and Tony flinched. Expecting the hit with the words to come and for the old man to point out the difference between reality and dreams or crazy minds. "That is rather fascinating."

Tony stared at him. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised by your reaction or rather lack of reaction, Ducky..."

Ducky was chuckling and shook his head. "Why? Were you expecting me to sign you up in a mental institution? No, my lad. I am old enough to know that sometimes in life things just happen. Things that do not make any sense, no matter how much we try to understand them..."

"And I sure have tried to find some way to explain this craziness..."

"Ah, but perhaps that is your biggest problem? Trying to reason with something you cannot reason? Perhaps you should simply start living your life again? If your dream indeed gives you a choice of knowing what different actions may cause, you should take it as a blessing rather than a curse. Just live your life. That would be my advice to you, dear boy."

Tony was smiling, just slightly. It was more real than any smile he'd been smiling for a very long time now. Both in the dream and in 'this life'. "Only you can take such story as this, not question it, not call me crazy and even have some advice to give. You truly are a good friend. Good storyteller and a good listener."

Ducky blinked. "I take it that you and I were close in this dream of yours?"

"You were among the last people I still trusted to have my six toward the end."

"Well, Anthony... In that case... To the friendships that go beyond time and dreams." There was twinkle in Ducky's eyes as he raised up his teacup. Tony grinned and held up his teacup also.

"Maybe this is really a dream come true..." Seeing the unsaid question on Ducky's face, Tony sighed and he tried to choose his words somewhat carefully again.

"The thing is... In that dream... Things had gone very bad between me and my so called friends in here... In _there_... You and Ji— _someone_ were the last two still standing behind me. Gibbs was treating me like I was nothing but his worthless underling. Loyal St. Bernard who barks, bites or sniffs whenever he tells me to. I used to look up to him. He was like a father to me—or what I thought was the ideal example of one—and once upon a time I thought we were close. I gave him my best years. My everything. He took that and more and wiped his ass with it. That's why, Ducky... This time... No matter what... There are no second chances. Once this job is over and done with, I'll be out of here."

Hearing such harsh words spoken about his friend, but seeing the truth in the clear green eyes and knowing some of the less favorable moments from his old friend's past, Ducky smiled sadly and stood up. Walking to Tony, he laid his hand on Tony's shoulder. "Listen to me, Anthony. I am sure you have every reason for this anger that is inside you. I may not know the details of your dream, but do not let your anger blind you. That is the only thing I am asking from you. As much as I hate the possibility of my new friend leaving us so soon, I will accept that. So long as your decisions have not been made while the anger clouds your judgment. Too many bad decisions have been made in that state of mind."

Tony closed his eyes. Ducky's words hit him hard and deep. It was true though. Ever since he woke up from that coma, he'd been filled with anger and bitterness. To the point where he had few times even been a little bit too hardhanded toward few criminals. Deserving or not.

"You're right, Ducky... I can _try_ to not do anything rash. That's all I can possibly promise while I'm still this messed up in my head as I am."

"And that is all I am asking, Anthony. Now tell me... Do I still look handsome after almost 20 years?"

Tony laughed. "You looked good, Ducky... You looked good..."

* * *

"You know, Jethro, it is very rude to eavesdrop a private conversation. A very private conversation if I may add." Ducky looked scoldingly at the Agent walking in the morgue, looking sheepish, but not sheepish enough.

"Sorry, Duck. I had no other choice."

"You could have talked to Anthony. Jethro, I really do _not_ appreciate your way of handling this. If I had noticed you sooner, I would have made sure you did not hear a thing, but I did not have a heart to stop the lad from finishing his tale."

Gibbs sighed deeply. "I know. But I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have told me anything."

"And now that you know?"

"It was just some very insane dream."

"Jethro..."

"That's what I'd like to think, but Ducky... The thing is, I have a first hand proof how very not crazy his dream might be." Gibbs thought back to how much like at home the supposed stranger had been at his place, as if he'd done it many times before. He frowned at his next thought. "Unless he has indeed spied on me or can read my mind. I don't believe in some future telling dreams. I believe in the gut feelings. But at least now I have a little bit better chance of figuring out how to work with his case."

"He is not a case, Jethro."

"You know what I mean." Looking weary, Gibbs ran a hand over his face. "He hates me, doesn't he?"

"He does not hate you."

"You heard him. The way he spoke about me or this dream version of me."

"You heard what you think you heard. While you heard bitterness and anger, which I too heard and saw, but I also witnessed sadness. If he hated you as you say he does, then why the sadness? Mark my words, Jethro, the lad does not hate you."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, Ducky... I was even going to see if my gut feeling is right and try to get him to work in here. Now he pretty much told you there's no way that's going to happen."

"Are you giving up then?"

"No way."

Ducky smiled and watched as Gibbs left.

* * *

He was avoiding looking at those desks in the bullpen. He could hear their voices talking in his head.

" _You put superglue on my keyboard?!"_

Tony smirked for a bit. Well, not all memories were bad. Good times...

"Something funny, DiNozzo?"

Trying to hide his sudden nervousness, Tony covered it with his megawatt smile. "Nothing, boss— _Gibbs_. Nothing funny at all. I was just thinking about one and hundred ways to use a superglue."

"Focus on our case."

"Well I would _love to_ , but I don't even yet know what the so called case is."

"You didn't see the file I left on the desk for you?"

"Ah. No. Didn't see the file on the desk. Which you left for me..." Tony moved to take the file, which was of course on _his_ desk. His hands were trembling as he took the file and tried to not focus on the memories trying to get him. Like some monstrous and dark shadow, trying to swallow him up at every chance it was given.

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

" _You will go with Ziva and be her backup. If someone later asks where you two were, tell them I sent you on a coffee run."_

" _Of course..." Tony was mumbling something bitterly.  
_

" _You said something, DiNozzo?" There was dangerous undertone in the older man's voice._

_Tony simply shrugged and flashed his smile._ " _I said, on it, boss."_ Always ready for the dirty work because Ziva runs her own private show again _, was his bitter thought. Knowing full well how ugly this whole thing was going to end up. He did have his own gut feelings also, which had lately worked much better than Gibbs's own...  
_

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

" _What is wrong with you, DiNozzo? If you have a problem following the orders, you're free to go!" Meaning: '_ you're off my team _'_ _.  
_

_There were tight lines around Tony's mouth as he shook his head. "No problem, boss." He turned around and walked away from the dead body. He had been all night with a pretty blonde, having the time of his life. That would be the story next morning at work._

_He hadn't just watched some old Marine friend of Gibbs murdering someone in cold blood. Just like ordered, he knew nothing and the longer he kept repeating it in his head like some mantra, he almost believed it too._

* * *

It was that familiar head slap that brought him back to reality.

"DiNozzo!" Irritated by the unmoving man who had been staring down at the empty desk, Gibbs nearly took a step back when Tony finally moved and looked straight at him.

Filled with sudden hatred and anger, the young man spat the words out of his mouth like they were poison. "Well, shall we get to work then?"

Without saying anything, Gibbs simply walked in the elevator, somehow knowing the man would follow him, which he did. Again, without saying anything, he handed over a phone, which Tony took with raised eyebrows. Rule ' _never be unreachable_ ' came to his mind.

They didn't speak anything on the way to the car either. Even while they were driving to interview a possible suspect, they still didn't speak to each other.

After some time had passed, Tony kept glancing over his shoulder until he finally broke the silence. "Hey, boss. I think that car has been following us ever since we left the Navy Yard."

"You think?" Obviously Gibbs had noticed the car also. In fact, he'd been trying to lose it several times for the last 30 minutes or so. Oddly enough, the driver didn't seem to be having any trouble keeping up with Gibbs's crazy driving.

With the speeding and most focus on the car following them, neither man noticed another car. Or they did, but not fast enough.

It was the sound of a metal against metal and the taste of blood in his mouth and Tony knew what was going to happen before it did and he muttered. "Well, at least this time it's different... My second first day working at the NCIS..."

He saw someone approaching the car. There was a steady hand holding a gun, pointing it toward them, and then there was darkness.


	7. Under Water

It was the sound of dripping water that woke him up and it was the headache that made him wish the unconsciousness would return. Granted, he didn't think he had a concussion—and if anyone should know, then he was the man—but it felt bad nevertheless.

"You okay, DiNozzo?"

Tony looked up from where he'd been tied up. A cave. He was sitting in a cold, wet and windy cave. For a moment he felt terror run through him when he was thinking about his weak lungs, until he remembered that it had only been in his dream, his battle with the plague. There indeed was _something_ good in this situation.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I feel warm and fuzzy. No concussion either."

Someone had left them a few flashlights in there so they could actually see around them well enough. Gibbs, who was tied up against Tony, tried turning his head like an owl and have a good look at the man himself. Something about the word 'fine' coming out from the Detective's mouth irritated him to no end. "You're a doctor now, DiNozzo?"

"No, but I've had my share of concussions to know the difference between a simple bump on the head and a concussion."

"You hit your head often?" The answer was met with a silence and for a moment Gibbs thought the man had passed out again.

"Who do you think is behind this? Have you pissed off someone lately?" Tony asked. Not able to see Gibbs, but being able to feel him glaring anyway, he chuckled.

How many times had the two of them ended up in tight situations together during the years? Yet they had always come out as winners. As much as they'd had other people working to help them, rarely did that help get them out of those situations. Not in time anyway. It had been team work, between the two of them. They had been able to pretty much tell what the other man was thinking. Before Gibbs had completely lost his sight of the difference between right and wrong, they had been the best agents NCIS had. On their own and even better when working together. When they _really_ worked together. He missed those times, painfully so... Even if it _was_ just a dream... He held no illusions though that things would be any different in real life. Sure, it was possible, but he didn't feel like taking that chance.

"You telling me you've never pissed off anyone, DiNozzo?"

"You're talking to the master."

"I can see you are both finally awake." It was someone else speaking this time and they looked toward the sudden sound of footsteps coming closer to them. The one speaking was stunningly beautiful older woman, holding a flashlight of her own. "I hope the two of you can forgive me for doing this to you."

She was not a redhead, but even Gibbs didn't mind looking at her. He kept the look on his face neutral though, unlike Tony who had a wide grin on his face as he scanned the woman with his eyes from head to toe. Although it was cold down there, she was wearing a small summer dress and high heels, which no one in their right mind would be wearing in that cave. She however seemed to have no trouble balancing herself over the slippery rocks until she was standing where both of the men could see her well enough.

"Depends what it is you're planning on doing to us," Tony answered.

For a short moment the woman looked confused, but then she walked over and slapped him hard on the cheek. "You filthy _pig_! All you men are the same! You're no better than my husband!"

"Norma Miller," Gibbs spoke suddenly. He was staring at the woman with almost pitying look on his face.

"Ah! I thought you looked familiar. You're the wife of our victim." Tony was nodding as if everything was now suddenly making perfect sense. The widow didn't look too pleased.

"He was no victim! On a bad day he would beat me. On a good day he would insult me. So don't you dare say that he was the victim!"

"So, what? He beat you up so you killed him?"

"Yes! I killed him! He got what he deserved, that—!"

"I agree. He got what he deserved." Gibbs sounded calm, hiding well his underlying worry of how this was going to end. The two of them had been tied up well enough so he couldn't get his hands to the hidden knife. If it were just him, he'd try to force the ropes off of him one way or another, but he couldn't take the chance of hurting the man tied up to him.

"But we had nothing to do with what he did to you," Tony pointed out the obvious, which only served to piss off the woman even more.

" _Nothing_ , you say?! You're going to put me in jail for what _he_ did to me! Now, you two are going to be good boys and sit here and wait until the water level rises and fills this nice little cave. Then no one will come after me ever again. Come, Richard. We are leaving."

The men noticed for the first time there was someone with the woman. Tall man was standing behind her. He was looking very much like some odd mix of a butler and some secret Agent or maybe one of those bad guys in the older James Bond movies. It was hard to tell. There were no emotions on the man's face.

Norma stopped and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Oh, and even if you two do manage to somehow walk, you can't climb, which is the only way out."

"Before you leave, maybe you could untie us? You know, so we could swim our way out."

Norma stared at Tony as if he was crazy—which Gibbs was also starting to wonder about—before she snapped her fingers and then like a well-trained dog, Richard walked forward and hit Tony hard in the face.

"Now, let's go home. We have some business to deal with." Turning around, she walked away with Richard following her.

Gibbs spoke only when he was pretty sure they were not coming back. "You okay there, DiNozzo?"

Spitting out some blood, Tony grimaced. His headache didn't thank him for opening his big mouth. "Well. I'm pretty sure I just lost a tooth so I'm going to need to see my dentist once we're out, but other than that, I'm fine."

"Say that again. Did you forget you're tied up against me? When he hit you, I could feel it against my own head. If you gave me a concussion, it's on _your_ head."

"What can I say, boss? I've got a hard head." Spitting some more blood out of his mouth, Tony thought of all the ways he could wipe the remaining blood off his face, without using his hands or feet.

Obviously the few times when he'd been called boss by the young man, had been a mistake, but Gibbs couldn't shake off the strange happy feeling he felt after each time.

"What was that anyway, DiNozzo? You were pretty much asking to be punched in the face."

"Ah... You're right. I should have tried to get him to aim someplace else instead of my face. It is my selling point, right?"

"DiNozzo..."

"Not wanting to ruin this moment, but I think we have a problem..."

"You think?"

"I mean, our time is running out. The water is coming."

Turning his head as much as he could toward what Tony was seeing, Gibbs cursed in his head. It was slow and steady, but still too fast, as the water kept flowing inside the cave.

"I think we're going to need our escape plan and we're going to need it now."

"Can you stand up?"

"Not without you, Gibbs. On the count of three?"

Gibbs nodded, forgetting that the other man couldn't see it.

"One... Two... Three!" They failed miserably. "Oookay... That didn't go so well... I mean, of course that's obvious, but—"

"DiNozzo..."

"Okay. Another try. One... Two... Three!" Nearly falling down, but this time they succeeded. With their feet also tied up, they were still in no better position or closer to getting out of their soon to be water grave.

"Well, unless we learn quickly how to swim out like this or grow gills, we're still pretty much doomed. Unless you find some nice sharp rock to cut our ropes with or something. In movies they do that, but frankly the rocks I can see here are not even sharp enough..."

Pulling the still talking man with him, Gibbs started doing just that. Or trying anyway. It wasn't like they had any other options.

With his 'memories' of drowning, both on dry land and nearly under water for both him and Gibbs with that girl, Tony had to focus keeping his breathing steady. "You know, Gibbs... By the time you're done cutting through our ropes, we'll be dead. Fish food. Actually, this does remind me of several movies where—"

"You helping me or not, DiNozzo?"

"Helping. On it."

After a while the ropes started to feel hot against their hands and they had managed to cut more of their own skin instead of the ropes and the water level was at their knees now. The rope was stubborn and slow to cut and once the water had started coming in, there was suddenly no end to it. The men could feel they were running out of time and they were both hoping they'd be free _before_ those last couple of seconds, like it would be happening in the movies.

By the time the water was starting to raise over their waist levels, the ropes finally snapped open. In a sudden rush and not knowing how far they would have to go until they could get out, the men got rid of the ropes and now being able to use a knife the ropes around their feet were off without that much work.

"Let's get moving!" Gibbs grabbed Tony's arm and started pulling him away.

Tony who was still trying to put his own knife back in his pocket with frozen fingers, heard something falling in the water. "You just dropped my knife!"

"I'll buy you a new one! Now let's start moving!"

'Let's start moving' was easier said than done. Running or even walking in the water wasn't so easy once you were trying it against the time. Against the time of your own life and not even knowing how much it was. Then there was also the fact that the water was freezing cold and they were both already feeling cold from head to toe and were now fast becoming numb.

Tony was trying his best to push away the flashes of images running through his head. Saving Gibbs and Maddie from that car under water. How much it had hurt. His lungs shouldn't have lasted such ordeal. He should've, rather than could've, drowned there himself. That flashback took him to another flashback. Blue lights, which would haunt his memories for the rest of his life, and unable to breathe no matter how much air there was around him.

_Stop it_! he yelled at himself in his head. It had been nothing but a dream. His lungs were just fine. He was fine. Blue lights and water, blue lights and water...

"There! I can see the opening!" Tony pointed in front of them. He tried to not sound too relieved.

The water was getting deeper, yet it was not deep enough for them to swim their way out. Already feeling too cold and numb, the men were not willing to wait for the water level to rise and rather took the risk of falling down as they started climbing up. The rocks were slippery, many of them sharp—because they couldn't be sharp when needed—and the water kept pouring at them, as if trying its very best pushing them down as they made their way finally into freedom.

Getting out was only the beginning of their problems. After a while they found themselves walking for painfully long minutes after minutes, until those minutes had turned into couple of hours.

"And I thought our... victim was the crazy one..." Tony said through his frozen lips.

Without their car, no money, no ID, no phone and no car willing to stop to help them, Tony and Gibbs had been walking back toward the city step by step. Their movements little bit too slow because of the cold they were both feeling and they were hoping they would not walk right in the arms of the mad woman and her 'trained dog'.

"Well... With a husband like hers... it's no wonder if she ends up... losing it."

"I think... it was more than that... Did you... look at her? I mean... really look at her?"

"DiNozzo..."

"Not... talking about the looks... which... she obviously had... Like, wow... You would call it... gut feeling... She was really... strange one..."

Gibbs smiled for a bit, as much as his numb face let him. "Tell me more about your... gut feeling..."

"I think... I'll talk later... Can't feel my mouth, boss..."

"Good idea..."

* * *

"Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs! You're back! You're okay! I was so worried!"

Gibbs and Tony were barely back in the Navy Yard when the young lab goth was running past the people in the bullpen and threw her arms around Gibbs in a crushing hug.

Smiling, Gibbs returned the hug. "I'm alright, Abby."

Abby noticed the young Detective standing behind Gibbs. "You! What did you do!? First day working with Gibbs and he nearly gets killed!"

Tony just stared with a blank expression on his face.

"Abby!" Gibbs interrupted tiredly. "It had nothing to do with him. It was related to our case."

Abby looked a little embarrassed. "Oh. Sorry."

Tony mumbled something and wiped a hand over his mouth.

"Sorry, I didn't hear."

"Shower."

"Oh! You both must be feeling so cold. Sorry, Gibbs. Shower is—" Abby blinked when she looked back toward Tony who was already gone. "Where did he go? Did I upset him?"

"Shower, Abbs. Do me a favor. Find him some clothes to wear," Gibbs said before he went after Tony.

"Clothes to wear..." The look on Abby's face brightened. "I can do that!"

When both men were taking their sweet time under the hot shower, Gibbs decided to try being a little bit less of a bastard for a change. "Hey, DiNozzo!" he yelled over the sound of the running water. Not sure if the man had even heard him.

"What?"

"Good work."


	8. Leather, Blood And Coffee

"I'm sorry."

Looking up from his still wet clothes, Tony looked confused. "Sorry?"

Abby sized up the young man, who was wearing nothing but a towel barely covering the private parts. She grinned as she appreciated what she saw. "Very nice... Anyway. I'm sorry for blaming you earlier. I was just so worried and upset because I nearly lost Gibbs again. I know with this job it happens all the time, but still..."

"Abby... I hope you realize this is men's locker room..." Tony remained calm. Not even bothered by the goth leering over his truly blessed figure. And to be fair he had been sizing her just the same at their first meeting. In his dream. He'd never get over comparing the two realities of his.

"You're already using my nickname even before telling me yours?" Abby was pouting and Tony flinched.

"Sorry... I might slip once in a while, but I'll try my best... Abigail..." Man that sounded so wrong and... _foreign_ in his mouth.

"No, no, _no_... Don't you dare! I want you to call me Abby like you just did. I mean we'll be friends soon anyway, right? We have to at least get along when you come to work in here. To work with Gibbs."

"Abby! You can drop the act. I know you already know my childhood sob stories and maybe some other stuff as well, but I don't need your pity act. We also don't ' _have to_ ' get along or be friends just because of me coming to work in here, since that's not going to happen. Once the job I'm here for is done, we won't see each other ever again."

Abby looked shocked and for a moment she just stared at the man. Sure, she hadn't liked him when she first saw the picture on the file and then read what kind of rich family he was from. Then she had digged deeper and realized this man only let other people see what he wanted them to see. There was so many layers and she had barely even scratched the surface. She was curious. Too curious. To the point it rivaled even Gibbs's own not so subtle obsession. Had she started this all wrong way? _Well, of course you did_! she scolded herself, remembering her first reaction after seeing the man in person earlier.

"I'm sorry... I admit, I did pity you... But not in the way you think! I just felt so sad... And curious! You have no idea how crazy it drives me _and_ Bossman for not being able to figure you out. I didn't mean to blame you for what happened either... Sometimes I just let things out of my mouth before I think... I don't always even mean what I say..." Shrugging her shoulders she dropped the plastic bag she'd been carrying on the floor. "Here. For you. Gibbs told me to get some clothes for you. I hope they fit. I used his credit card." After saying that, she left, leaving bemused Tony staring after her.

Sitting down, Tony ran a hand through his wet hair. Wondering if he indeed was letting his anger cloud his judgment. It wasn't his way of doing things. It was—

"Oh no..." It was pretty much the way Gibbs himself had been... In that dream of his. Letting his feelings or current mood decide his actions. Was he fast becoming second Gibbs from his dream?

Ducky was right... As upset as he was and he still was not going to work with Gibbs, with these people... Even if it was true and they would turn out the same in the future as in his dream, he shouldn't be laying his anger on them. Not yet at least. If his dream would indeed turn out to be some sort of future that was going to happen, he would not remain quiet this time. That is... If he'd happen to find it out while _not_ working in here of course...

Letting his gaze drop to the plastic bag, he couldn't help but smile for a bit. Gibbs told her to get him some clothes to wear and she goes all the way to _buy_ them? Great... Now he'd have to apologize...

* * *

"Where is she?!"

"Took you long enough, DiNozzo," Gibbs answered without looking up from his desk. Completely focused on the work, although his ears picked up some snickering around his work area.

"Abby! Where is she?! She's not in her lab!"

"Watch your mouth, DiNozzo!" Gibbs snapped and finally looked up, angry at the tone Tony was using when talking about Abby. He was going to add something more, but then he saw the man standing in front of him. "Are those the clothes she found for you?" Gibbs was amused. Of course... He should have known when asking Abby to do this...

" _Bought_ , not found! I'm pretty sure she knew exactly what to buy!" Tony wasn't embarrassed, not _completely_ , by what he was wearing, but these were not only extremely uncomfortable and doomed to kill any hopes of future little DiNozzos, but also not fit to wear when running after a suspect or helping him to be taken seriously by those suspects or any other people.

He was wearing a pair of black _skin tight_ _leather_ pants, short leather boots with some skull shaped _bells_ hanging from them so that with every step he took, everyone could hear him coming and going. Then there was the almost tame looking black leather biker jacket, until he turned around and people saw the jacket came with a huge picture of vampire skull on the back, along with the text: ' _Bite me!_ ' The only thing not black was his green shirt under the jacket, which was also _the only_ normal thing he was wearing right now. And to top it all off, there was some bright red skull keychain hanging from the pants.

"And yet you're still wearing it all." Gibbs was looking at him with quirked eyebrow, and still looking far too amused.

"You're not laughing once you see the price tags these things still have on."

"It's her money. She can do what she wants with it..."

"Oh, you're really going to be jumping with glee. She used _your_ credit card."

* * *

"Abby!" Gibbs stormed in the lab the moment he knew Abby had returned from her rather long bathroom break.

"Gibbs! Did you see Tony? I heard from the guy bringing some evidence for me that our boy likes to be called that. Anyway. I took pictures from the security cameras, zoomed, and printed out. They're not good, the pictures, so we really have to take a proper picture. Maybe a full photo shoot? I mean he can totally carry that look, don't you think?"

"Abbs!"

"Yes, sir! Boss! Yes, Gibbsman!"

"My credit card? _Skin tight_ pants?"

"Leather pants, Gibbs. That's what they're called. And they didn't cost that much..."

Without saying a word, Gibbs held up the receipt with raised eyebrows and Abby smiled sheepishly. She totally forgot that...

"Although when you put it that way... I might have gotten a little carried away."

"I'm not angry at you, Abbs. A little upset, but not angry. You do realize that he has to change the clothes to something fit for our kind of work? I already got someone to fetch him something else to wear."

"Oh no...! Gibbs..! No! I still didn't get a good picture..!"

Without saying anything, Gibbs handed her a huge photo and wide grin spread on Abby's face. "Oh, Gibbs... You're so evil..! You're the best!"

"Wasn't me. Apparently Pacci found it hilarious and took a sneak photo of him. By now there must be hundreds of copies around the office. I merely snatched one when no one was looking."

"Ah. Pacci. That wonderful, wonderful man. I must thank him." After putting the picture away in her private collection, she turned back to face Gibbs. "Don't worry about the things I bought, Gibbs. Other than maybe the pants, we should be able to return them all."

"You do that, after work is done."

Abby's face turned more serious. "If he's really not going to come and work in here... Then I'll be putting that photo on the wall in here... And then I won't forget him."

"Why do you think he's not going to work here?"

"He said so."

"And I say he will. Who do you think will win that argument, Abbs?"

Blinking, an evil grin spread over Abby's face. "You, Bossman! So what's the plan?"

Gibbs didn't say anything. Instead he reached out his hand and with a sheepish look on her face, Abby handed over the credit card.

"No Caf-Pow for you today."

"Aw, but Gibbs..!"

Returning in the bullpen, Gibbs saw the young Detective completely focused on the work.

"It seems like she's done us a little disappearing act here, Gibbs." Tony looked up from his computer. He had changed his clothes and shoes again and what he was wearing now, made him look more like a college kid. From one look to another. Not many could pull that off the way he did. Good trait to have for someone who might have to work undercover.

Gibbs shook his head with a smile when the man wasn't looking. "She might have found out that we made it out alive," he pointed out.

"It could be, but there's still something about this, about her, which gives me this feeling like something just doesn't feel right. I also found out she has a son from her previous marriage. Age 25. Not married, no girlfriend, no job and is living with his friend. He doesn't live too far from here."

"Well, gear up. We've got work to do."

They both had new guns and phones. Third phone for Tony in a very short period of time, which was a little strange since wasn't it usually Gibbs who seemed to always be having a new phone a little too often..?

"On your six," Tony said without thinking as he followed after Gibbs.

* * *

Opening the door, Thomas Harris welcomed the Agent and Detective inside the apartment with a smile. Being the very picture of politeness, the young man offered them coffee and some cake, which they both turned down, saying they wouldn't be staying for long. He didn't look like his mother. He was also the very picture of the word ordinary.

"We are here to ask you about your mother. Norma Miller? No one seems to be able to tell us where she is."

The smile on the younger man's face disappeared as he frowned. "What has she done now? Another speeding ticket? Or is this still about my stepfather? That drunk got what he deserved."

"Yes, we are aware of that. However, your mother attempted to murder two federal agents." Gibbs left out the fact that she had confessed murdering her husband, and that it was actually only one Agent, plus Tony who wasn't an Agent but Detective. For now.

Thomas looked shocked. "My mother did that..? I mean... I guess I shouldn't be surprised. After all, living with that bastard changed her... I'm afraid I haven't seen her since yesterday. She did however call me several hours ago. She had been drinking, that much was obvious, and was ranting something about unfair life. How the police wouldn't leave her alone and refused to give the body of her husband, to arrange the funeral. She did love the man despite everything. But I really have no idea where she could be."

The men stood up and Gibbs gave the man a number to call to. "If she contacts you in any way, let us know. And don't leave anywhere for a while. We might come back later or call you to ask some more questions."

"Of course."

"He's hiding something," Tony said once they were walking back to their car.

"Isn't that usually the case? You're right. This one was pretty good actor though."

"I think the best part had to be his shocked look. I almost took it for real. He knows where she is. She is his mother... We should keep an eye on him and— Who are you calling?"

"Someone to keep an eye on him."

Finished with the call, Gibbs started the engine. Looking out from the car window, he thought for a moment he saw someone staring at them. His gut was telling him that they better be watching their backs. It started to seem like the easy case was turning into a much more complicated one.

As the car was driving away, a tall man looked after them from the shadows. There were no emotions on his face, which was covered in blood still dripping down his nose and chin.

"Hey, Tony."

Tony snapped out of his deep thoughts and looked up, surprised by the use of his first name. "Gibbs?"

"Watch your back."

The corners of his mouth were twisting and Tony found himself soon looking away from the older man to hide the smile. "You too, Gibbs."

* * *

**_\- DREAM -_ **

_The dream was different from the ones he usually had. Even different from the so called 'future dreams'._

_He was back in the cave. He wasn't tied up this time, yet he couldn't move. The flashlights had turned into candles, giving eerie look to the place. Before he even heard it, he knew the water was coming and then he saw it, but instead of water it was blood._

_The cave was filled in a matter of seconds and he couldn't breathe. Looking down he saw the candles were still lit and all he saw around him was the color red. Then something hit the back of his head and he slipped into blissful darkness..._

* * *

"Sleep on your own time!"

Rubbing the back of his head, where Gibbs had slapped him hard, Tony sighed. It was late into the night and they hadn't had any luck locating Norma or really getting anywhere further with the case in general. At some point she had stepped in a cab, but now they couldn't even locate the driver or the car. Neither did they get any better results trying to find out anything about this 'Richard' of hers.

"Sorry. Wasn't sleeping. Just rested my eyes for a moment."

"Then rest later. We have a case here. Something about this whole thing feels out of place and I don't like it."

"I told you so. But if we're going to work through the night, I'm going to need some strong coffee. I'll go for a coffee run while there's still some places near us open. I'll bring you the usual?"

"You need to ask, DiNozzo?"

Before Tony left, Gibbs took the man's gun and held it out. "You forgot this."

"Yeah. Sorry. My brains just aren't working too well anymore. Like I said, I need some coffee. Or sleep..." Taking the gun, Tony left.

Not liking to admit he was actually worrying over DiNozzo, Gibbs ignored his gut churning.

Crossing over the street toward the still open coffeehouse, Tony enjoyed the rare moment of silence in the area without too many cars in sight. All the sane people were at home sleeping or having the time of their lives in some much better places.

"Hey there, Laura! Quiet night?"

The waitress blinked before realized he had seen her name tag. "Yes, it is indeed. I went to take out some trash earlier and it was almost spooky. I think I'll take a kitchen knife with me next time..."

Tony laughed. "I'll have Gibbs's usual please, twice... Actually, make it four of those and add in a couple of doughnuts. If he's going to make me work all night, I might as well get something to eat."

Smiling, the young woman added in a couple of extra doughnuts and slipped her phone number in his pocket.

With a wink and a smile, Tony was soon out. Making sure to not spill the coffee, he was running over the empty street and didn't notice the car coming out of nowhere speeding, which made it obvious what the intention was. Barely jumping out of way in time, Tony managed to even avoid spilling the coffee. "What the..?"

"Are you alright?" The few people on the street rushed toward him, having seen the whole thing.

"Yeah. I'm fine, thanks."

"That driver was out of his mind! It was almost as if he was driving right at you on purpose."

_Probably did_... Tony realized. Staring after the way the car had disappeared, he wondered where he had seen it before. Thanking the people for their concern, he returned to the Navy Yard.

"What took you so long?" Gibbs growled, but calmed down soon after he got his coffee.

"There was a long line in the place," Tony liked seamlessly. "Seems like half of the city wanted their coffee in the middle of the night."

Sitting down behind his desk, Tony wondered for a moment if the incident was worth mentioning to Gibbs, but decided against it. Hopefully it had been a one time deal. There was no need to bring in any extra worries to think about besides their case.


	9. 2 Plus 2 Makes 5

Sitting at the morgue, Tony let Ducky take care of his forehead. It wasn't even bleeding that much so it didn't really need more than a band-aid.

"You were here yesterday morning, and now this. As much as I enjoy your company, do not make a habit out of this, Anthony."

Tony grinned slightly. "I'll take the elevator next time."

"May I ask how on earth did you fall down the stairs?"

Tony shrugged, not knowing how he should explain that lack of sleep and a pretty woman were the reason.

"You seem awfully tense. Did Jethro allow you to get any sleep or were the two of you working on the case all night?"

"Working, but that's not the reason. Not the first time I end up working all night."

"And what may be the reason then?"

"Just something stupid that keeps bothering me. Nothing worth mentioning. I'll forget it soon enough. Thanks, Ducky." Walking out of the morgue, and before Ducky got a chance to talk him into getting some sleep, Tony slipped inside the elevator.

Taking out his phone and dialing the number, Ducky had to only wait a moment before he spoke, with a stern voice. "Jethro. If you do not allow you or our young friend to get any rest, I will personally make sure your case will be given to another team... Do _not_ interrupt me... Jethro. _Listen_. Not sleeping does _not_ help solving this case of yours. If anything, even a little nap now and then would only help."

When the man started almost yelling at him, Ducky listened calmly and with patience only he could have.

"Jethro. This is what you are going to do. You _will_ take off half the day. Take Anthony with you and then make sure both of you _sleep_ during that whole time. If I find out you two have not been sleeping, and believe I _will_ know it, I will get you removed from the case. I will speak to the Director if I must. I know he will be on my side with this. Now _go home_. And get some real food in you before coming back. Both of you. Coffee will not keep you going, no matter what you believe." Not even waiting for the answer, Ducky ended the call.

* * *

"Duck—!" Staring at the phone, Gibbs realized Ducky had hung up on him. Rubbing his tired face, he looked at Tony who stepped out of the elevator, looking just as tired as he felt. "What happened to your forehead?"

"I fell down the stairs."

When he was too tired to even react to that, Gibbs realized that maybe he did need some sleep after all...

Tony watched as Gibbs got up, took his things and walked toward the elevator. Taking his own things, Tony rushed after him. "Gear up?"

"No. We're going to get some sleep. Ducky's orders."

Tony rolled his eyes. Trust Ducky to be able to do that to Gibbs. Actually, to both of them, he realized.

* * *

**_\- DREAM -_ **

_He was sitting on his chair. Unable to control his body. Drinking his tea, he spoke with a British accent and he sounded like his mother. "Thank you for inviting me over."_

_Norma Miller smiled and nodded, drinking the tea without saying anything. Richard stood behind her, unmoving. Like a statue from a horror movie. Wearing the clothes of The Fool._

" _Pie?" Thomas Harris offered Tony and again unable to control himself, he nodded with a smile._

" _Yes please." The filling of the pie was blood red._

_Wearing the hat of a Mad Hatter, Ducky shook his head. "You really should not eat that, Anthony."_

_Looking at his pocket watch, Gibbs spoke. "We must hurry. There is no time for this."_

" _Finish your tea first," Norma ordered._

_Looking down, Tony realized he'd been drinking blood and the bloody pie was rotten, with live worms sticking out of it._

" _Eat your pie," Thomas kept offering another piece, even though Tony hadn't even started his first one._

_Ducky shook his head. "I have much better tea. You should not be drinking that."_

_Shoving the pocket watch at Ducky's face, Gibbs barked. "We must hurry and not drink some bloody tea!"_

_Then Gibbs turned his face toward Tony who was now staring down at his clothes, which were covered in blood. He was wearing the dress of Alice and even without seeing it, he knew he had long blond hair._

" _Wake up, DiNozzo!"_

* * *

"Well, that was some dream... Could be worse..." Tony stared at the ceiling. His dreams only kept getting crazier and crazier.

Looking at the time, he saw he'd barely slept for couple of hours. Not nearly enough, but he felt the sudden need for a shower and maybe he'd also wash his mouth... Strangely enough, he could still almost taste the blood.

Letting the water run over him, Tony let his thoughts wander aimlessly. He knew there had been something he'd missed about this case, hence the freaky dreams. His already messed up subconsciousness must be trying to remind him of something. Had he seen something that he hadn't paid any attention to? Perhaps even multiple things? His head had been so messed up for so long now that he had lost his focus. It had taken Ducky to finally make that thick fog in his brains to start slowly disappear. Or fade away enough for him to start seeing more clearly again.

Opening his eyes, it finally hit him. At least one of the things was clear now. That car from yesterday. He remembered where he had seen it before...

Turning off the water and putting his clothes on, Tony sneaked to the open door of Gibbs's bedroom. The man was in a deep sleep, snoring, and he had no heart to wake him up. Besides, at least one of them should get enough sleep. Ducky was going to chew him over for this, but he couldn't take any chances.

Writing a short note, he taped it against the guest room door and left the house, borrowing the car. It was just a little over 10 AM by then.

* * *

Parking the car at the perfect spot, Tony could see the car of the two agents 'watching' over the apartment and people moving in and out of the building. Shaking his head, he could only wonder what kind of probies these two were, since they didn't even look toward the building.

Turning his head toward the car from yesterday, which was now at the parking slot, he wondered if the owner was who he thought it was. Maybe he was just thinking too much. ' _There is no such thing as coincidence_.' Rule 39. Right. Plenty of other rules came to his mind, but he chose to ignore them for the time being. The suspect had just walked out of the building.

"What blind morons are they, just sitting there?" he muttered and watched as Thomas Harris walked to his own car, to _that_ car, and the agents still didn't seem to react... Either they were good at playing ignorant or they really were just that.

Making sure the man had left and had been gone long enough, Tony got out of 'his' car and sneaked toward the apartment. Opening the door without any key in a matter of seconds, he entered the deadly quiet apartment. He snapped gloves on with a smile. ' _Always wear gloves at a crime scene_.' Rule 2. Sure, he didn't know yet if this was a crime scene, but it was something. _His_ gut feeling was working like crazy right now. He could feel it.

He could _smell_ it!

It didn't take long for him to find the two bodies in the tiny bathroom. A young man whose identity was for now a mystery and a woman... Norma Miller. Her beauty being only a faint memory now.

Although the two were obviously brutally murdered and the bathroom was looking as if it was straight from the setting of some B rated horror movie, rest of the apartment was clean. Too clean. No matter how much he looked around, there was no other evidence. Of anything. It was hard to tell if someone actually even lived in there. The place looked the very picture of an apartment ready to be sold.

When he was about to leave the apartment is when he realized what he had seen the last time he'd been there with Gibbs. Sitting down on the same chair and same place, he let his mind take him back into that very moment.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_They sat down on the chairs and Thomas was about to go in the kitchen. "Coffee? I have some cake too from yesterday."_

_Gibbs shook his head and Tony spoke for them both. "No thank you."_

_"We are here to ask you about your mother. Norma Miller? No one seems to be able to tell us where she is." It was Gibbs speaking this time._

_While the other two kept talking, Tony let his eyes wander in the room. Living room, he assumed. From where he was sitting, he could see the door to the kitchen and bathroom, if the picture of a naked showering woman against the door was anything to go by. There was one more door, also closed. Bedroom, he assumed again. For a short moment his eyes were lingering at the red, slowly widening, line under the door._

_"My mother did that..?" Thomas's shocked voice brought his focus back to the other two._

* * *

How hadn't his brains registered such obvious thing as blood? He'd been working on how many crime scenes by now? No way to count them all, without even adding his nearly twenty years from the dream.

Thomas. He had noticed. He must have seen him looking at the door. Looking at the blood. So it had to have been him who tried to hit him with the car.

Realizing suddenly he had lost his sense of time, Tony stood up and left the apartment, locking up the door after him. As far as he could tell, he hadn't left any evidence of him having been there.

Walking toward 'his' car, he couldn't help but wonder once more how unprofessional the two agents sitting in the other car were. Deciding to say a few chosen words to them, Tony changed his direction toward their car. The closer he got, the more the hairs of his body stood up. Even before he got close enough to see it and before he opened the door, he knew.

Taking out his phone he dialed one of the numbers that he knew by memory.

"Ducky... Wait! You can scold and yell at me later. This is more important... You remember our case..? You know those agents who were sent to watch over the suspect? Well, they're dead... I'm no expert as you are, but I'm pretty sure they've been dead for at least couple of hours... No visible marks on their body, unless they're somewhere under the clothes... Maybe poisoned. They have finished and unfinished cups of coffee and a half eaten pie in the car."

He made a face at Ducky's next question. "No. I didn't take any backup. I just remembered something I wanted to check and I didn't want to wake up Gibbs... I _know_ I could've called the Director. But I knew you'd hear about it and stop me from going anywhere."

He looked at his watch. "About an hour or so... No, there's no way I can leave now. I found another two bodies in the suspect's apartment. He could be back any moment and I have to make sure he doesn't get away with this. It's brutal, the other two deaths."

Tony looked around to make sure Harris hadn't returned yet. "Yes... _I understand_... Stop worrying, Ducky. I'll call for the backup right after this, alright?"

Ending the call, Tony wiped a hand over his face before making the decision. He would call Gibbs first. Perhaps it would lessen the strength of the head slap to come. Yeah, wishful thinking.

* * *

His phone kept ringing so he finally forced his eyes open. The time was only something over 11 AM. So much for the sleep as the ringing of his phone didn't stop.

Sitting up on bed, he took the phone without looking who the caller was. "Gibbs." There was silence at the other end and then suddenly he was cut off. Cursing the people for hanging up on him lately, Gibbs rolled over and was going to go back to sleep when the phone was ringing again.

"What!?" he answered with a shout. Calming down for a bit, he spoke tiredly. "What is it Ducky? Weren't you the one who told us to sleep..? What..? What are you talking about?"

Listening silently for a long time, he cursed loudly once the call was over. Looking at the last caller before Ducky, he now knew who had been the one with the first call. "I will kill him myself!"

He ran to the guest room, which was obviously empty. The note on the door didn't say a whole lot.

_**'I remembered something, possibly important and maybe case related.** _   
_**Will be back soon.** _   
_**—Tony '** _   


Cursing more loudly and with the gut feeling more awake than he himself was, Gibbs barely even put his shoes on as he stormed out, only to realize he'd have to call a cab of all things since his car was gone. _  
_

* * *

The place was now officially a crime scene. Bodies of the two agents from the car had been taken out and even the bodies in the suspect's apartment had been found. The neighbors and curious people walking by were crowding around the people working at the crime scenes.

By the time Gibbs finally made it there, he got out of the car before it had even stopped. He had cursed the law-abiding cab driver all the way there and was more than once very close to kicking the man out, to drive himself.

"Hey!" the driver was shouting after him.

"Pay him," Gibbs ordered one of the agents, who didn't dare to argue and obeyed meekly.

"Duck. Talk."

"As I told you over the phone, Jethro, I do _not_ know enough yet. Anthony obviously knew much more, but there is no sign of him here. As much as I tried to get him to leave to some place safer, he refused in such foolish and stubborn manner, which reminds me of certain someone. But I know there is no way he left on his own and they also found some blood, which could be his..."

Gibbs looked weary and showed the note to Ducky. "He should have woken me up. Why did he come here alone? He of all people should know _not_ to go without a backup! He's a cop! That should be the very basic rule to _always_ obey!" He ignored the fact that it was the very rule he himself way too often had no problem breaking.

"Perhaps he thought he would have his backup with our two poor agents who are right now in my body bags?"

"I don't know and I don't care what the reason was. This case has gone wrong from the beginning."

"If I may say, Jethro... I know there is no way you are going to hand over the case for another team—"

"Don't you even—!"

"Jethro! Let me finish... I _know_ there is no way you are going to do that, but Jethro... For not your sake alone, but Anthony's, let another team at least help you. You cannot do everything on your own."

Gibbs knew Ducky was right. He hated it, but he knew he had to accept the help. His pride would not end up being the thing that would seal Tony's fate.

Pleased, seeing he had gotten through the stubborn old Marine, Ducky nodded. "I will be going back to the Navy Yard with the bodies. Gerald and I will be having our hands full today. So many cases all at once, so many bodies... But we will put this first on the list, Jethro."

"Thanks, Ducky... His life could depend on it..."

"Our young friend has wormed his way into our hearts, even yours, so if I have to I will be borrow your 'second b' in order to do our end of the job to the best of our abilities and more."

"He hasn't—"

"Do _not_ even dare deny it. Some people fall in love at first sight... But you... Well, you recognized the boy as yours from the moment you saw him."

Leaving with the bodies, Ducky left Gibbs standing there. Staring at the scene and people working before his eyes. "Where are you, Tony?"


	10. Oh Brother

Waking up was slow and painful. It reminded him of all the times he'd been kidnapped in the past, including his dream world. He knew he had a concussion the moment he tried opening his eyes. There was a very loud drum band in his head playing ' _Jingle bells_ ', at least that's what it reminded him of. A happy tune not fit for his clearly serious situation. Or maybe that was just the concussion talking.

Trying his best to not groan as he finally succeeded opening his eyes, he tried covering them with his arms from the too bright light, but once again he'd been tied up. At least this time he was sitting on a chair. There were no lights on inside the room, but the bright evening sun coming from the window was already more than he could handle. For a moment he felt nausea threatening to overwhelm him and he figured at least being tied up kept him from moving too much, which would probably make that feeling even worse.

He knew he had screwed up. He knew it from the moment he'd seen those two agents dead.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_Dialing the number by memory, Tony waited for Gibbs to pick up the phone. Clearly the man was still sleeping since it felt like forever before a gruff voice finally spoke to him._

"Gibbs. _"_

_He was about to start talking when he felt something pressed against his back. Someone was holding out a hand from behind him and he didn't even need to be told what he had to do. With the handgun pressed against him harder, he handed over the phone._

_After he knew the call had been cut off and he felt the gun wasn't pressed against his back anymore, Tony was about to twist around and take the risk of getting shot by attacking the person behind him, but before he even took his second breath he felt someone pushing him forward and toward the asphalt. He barely even felt the pain as his head connected with the hard ground. Several more hits against his head and he felt himself slipping away in the darkness. He could barely see a tall emotionless man towering over him._

* * *

Forcing himself to ignore the splitting headache and a very obvious nausea, Tony kept his eyes open as he looked around the room. Wood furniture everywhere... The whole building seemed to be made of wood, which was something Gibbs would probably approve... From the window he could barely see sparkling water and trees. Lots of trees.

A cabin. That's what this place looked like. He could almost bet there was no other people anywhere near. No one would hear him.

He didn't need to see it to know that he didn't have his belongings with him anymore. Hello, phone number four... _That is if I'll even make it back in one piece_ , he mused, remembering those two bodies in the bathroom and that unfinished chopping work someone had started on them.

Remembering the bodies, Tony couldn't help but wonder in what way he was going to be killed. He wasn't going to die without a fight, but staying alive might not be an option either. By the time Gibbs and company would find him, he could be dead already.

' _That's not an option. You hear me? You will not die. That's an order, DiNozzo!'_ He heard the voice of the old Marine in his head, almost as if the man had been standing right next to him and without even noticing it, his whole posture changed into more relaxed.

"Wow, boss... No matter what, I can't get away from you, can I? Be it in dreams, real life or my own head. I have two words for you: personal space."

' _You got that right, DiNozzo. Now focus. You better be still alive and breathing on your own by the time we find you.'_

"Trying, boss... The concussion and being tied up _again_ makes things just a little bit harder you know..."

' _You'll do fine. And Tony, keep your mouth shut.'_

Grinning, Tony answered to the imaginary Gibbs. "You know that's not possible." He could almost swear he heard a snort.

Looking around the part kitchen, part living room, Tony tried to listen if he was alone. He got his answer when the door to the outside was opened. His whole mind went into full alert mode and soon enough Thomas Harris stepped inside, carrying a couple of shopping bags with him. ' _Walmart_ '. Well, that wasn't going to help him figure out where he was.

"Did you sleep well, Agent DiNozzo?" Harris put the lights on in the room.

Flinching involuntarily at the bright light, Tony flashed a smile, hoping it didn't look more like a grimace. "It's _Detective_ DiNozzo. I could use a little fluffing of the pillow and bed feels awfully uncomfortable. Not that I'm complaining of course. Just something to remember for future guests."

"You're a funny man, DiNozzo." Harris laughed.

"You know, you seem to be in awfully good mood today, Thomas. Your stepfather I can understand since he hurt your mother, or so the two of you have told people. However, with your mother dead, I thought I'd be seeing little tears and lots of anger and some anguish thrown in. You know, to make things look slightly more genuine."

The smile slipped off for a moment before Harris was back into laughing. Putting away the food from the bags, he sat down to eat some pie leftovers. While eating, he looked up to Tony and held out his plate. "Hungry?"

Remembering his dream and the unfinished pie in the dead agents car, Tony nearly shuddered. "No thank you. I'm good. You seem to be having a thing for pies. Is that why you poisoned those two with one?"

Harris had a crooked smile on his face when he looked up from his pie, which he set down on the table. He was looking almost pleased. "You're good. I'll give you that. But even you don't know everything."

"It was you wasn't it? Following me and Agent Gibbs with that car back then. Who was in the other car that hit us? And it was you last night also, wasn't it? Trying to drive the car over me." Since that gave him neither answers nor a reaction, Tony of course had to test his 'luck' a little further. Because as usual, he apparently had a death wish of some sort. "Why did you kill your mother? She didn't hug you enough when you were a kid?"

The look on the young man's face darkened at Tony's question. "No, she did _not_ hug me when I was a kid. Spoiled brat from a rich family, as you are, would not know the pain I went through. And the moment she remarried into that wealthy family, I was forgotten. Handed over to the relatives to look after. Eventually even they forgot my existence. I actually wanted back the hell of life I was living in before. Just to get her attention. That woman only got what she was asking for."

"I can see you've done a little background search on me..." Most of which was pretty much complete hit and miss. "Tell me something. Your stepfather. He wasn't really the violent type, was he? Sure, with him being a former Marine he might have had some violent flashbacks, but that's not it. Why did you kill him? Them. Why did you kill them, Thomas?" It was getting harder for Tony to ignore the growing headache and nausea. The smell of a pie certainly didn't help him either.

Harris acted as if he hadn't heard him while he finished eating his pie.

"Your love for pies... Your mom ever made you pies?" Seeing how he was starting to get under the man's skin, Tony kept talking. "She did, didn't she? Was it her way of showing her love? The only motherly act?"

"She never made those pies for _me_! It was for that _filthy_ little thing!" Harris threw the plate against the wall, breaking it into pieces.

"Your brother. Charles Miller. Age 10. He went missing a year ago on his birthday. Everyone thinks he is dead, but the body was never found. Is he still alive or did you make your mother think he is? Is that why she took the blame? Agreed to confess your stepfather's murder in order to keep your brother safe."

"He's _no_ brother of mine! That little _vermin_ only had to ask once and he'd have her whole attention!" Harris was shouting and then he started whining in a child like voice. "'Mommy, I want to see a movie!' 'Mommy, read me a bedtime story!' 'Mommy, I want you to make me a pie for my birthday!'" Harris looked furious and he was back to talking in his own voice. "Mommy, mommy, mommy! That _m_ _iserable_ little creature!"

It was always shocking to see just how much hate some people felt toward the innocent. And more often than not, it goes back all the way to the parents or someone having the role of a parent.

"He's just a child, Thomas, and your mother was sick, mentally. She couldn't afford the help she started getting only after she met your stepfather. I looked it up. Those private doctors with their happy drugs are very expensive. It was only when _your_ _brother_ went missing that she started having more break downs. Hurting herself in the progress."

"He's only _half_ brother!" Narrowing his eyes, Harris calmed down. Walking in front of his captive, he put his hands on Tony's shoulders. Leaning close enough so Tony could smell the pie from his breath. Cherry pie. He wouldn't be eating that for a while. Harris was now holding Tony's face gently between his hands as he spoke almost softly. "You are very good, _Detective_ DiNozzo. Very good indeed... You almost got me. But even you don't know everything... In fact, you don't know anything at all..."

Tony wasn't fast enough to realize what was happening when he suddenly found himself unable to breathe. With strong hands choking him, all he could see was the man with crazy gleam in his eyes. "As far... as your family goes... Your mother... wasn't the... crazy one... You... You are..." The hands around his windpipe got stronger and angrier. He really had a problem with his mouth sometimes... The moment Tony was sure he was about to pass out from the lack of oxygen, he felt the grip loosening. The buzzing in his ears nearly blocked it out, but after a while gasping for the much needed air back in his lungs, he heard someone talking.

"...bodies. Can't be helped then. Good work, Richard. It'll keep them busy for a while."

Squinting his eyes and looking up he saw Harris and with him that tall man with no emotions. Richard, as Norma Miller had called him back then.

"Look Richard. Our guest is back with us now. How are you doing 'sweetheart'?" Harris's voice was mocking. Richard on the other hand was still yet to show any kind of emotions on his face. "Are you thirsty? Want some air?" Laughing at his own joke, Harris walked back to him.

For a moment Tony was afraid the choking would happen again when Harris took hold of his head and then chin. Instead he felt cold water filling his mouth. As much as he hated himself for his pathetic reaction, he drank the water greedily as if he hadn't had any for days. And as much as his throat hurt, the fresh water was almost heavenly. The glass was gone too soon.

"Enough. We don't want to be dealing with your bathroom breaks already, do we?"

Raising his eyebrow, Tony was handling the situation in his usual foolish way. By opening his mouth. He barely got any real sound out and it hurt to talk. "You know... You're not very... guest friendly..."

Laughing, Harris leaned forward. "I really do like you, DiNozzo. It's a shame we couldn't have been friends. Maybe in another life."

"No one would... want... to be friends wi... with a... madman."

"Don't call me that!" Harris exploded and hit his hands against the table, making Tony flinch at the sudden loud noise. Then the man laughed. "Got ya! Nice try, but you can only try that little trick once. Look after him, Richard. I'll go see if this place has a TV or a radio." He left and soon Tony heard things crashing on the floor and against walls as the man went through the things in the house. Clearly he wasn't the only one first time in this place.

Turning his head toward Richard, Tony was surprised by how close the man had gotten suddenly, without making any sound. Back in that cave it had been a little hard to be sure what the man looked like, but now he could easily see the black suit the man was wearing and he was pretty sure it was covered in blood. He could also barely see the white sleeve of the shirt under it. If that red against the white wasn't blood, then he really wasn't fit for the work he was doing.

Stone faced, the man just looked at him as if he could see right through his head. The haircut... Well, at least the haircut was a big give away.

"You're a... Marine?" He wasn't surprised when he got no answer so he opted trying to see which one of them would win the staring contest. With the concussion it was no easy battle.

By the time Harris returned in the room, carrying a small TV with him, he found the two men just staring at each other and barely blinking their eyes. He bursted into laughter. "Oh, you are just _killing_ me here!"

* * *

Hours of a normal car drive away, Gibbs was biting people's heads off. "Go back in there and search the apartment again! Everyone makes mistakes! There must be something we missed! No one cleans up a crime scene that well!"

"But this guy did... Other than the bathroom, there are no signs of anyone ever having lived there..."

Already at very explosive mood, Gibbs barked when he answered his ringing phone. "What..!? I'm on my way!" Not listening to what else the other person had to say, he ended the call and stormed in the elevator. Another Agent who was already in there, jumped out before the elevator doors closed, taking the stairs instead.

"Man... I've seen Gibbs during his worst days, but this takes it to a whole new level..."

"I heard he made some guy in the gym cry and beat up another."

"Really? I heard he killed our new vending machine."

"I heard from a friend that his father—who became a Marine during the same time as Agent Gibbs—used to work with him. He told me there are rumors how he hunted down some guy in Mexico and shot him dead. They say he left no evidence..."

Director Tom Morrow stood, watching down at the bullpen, displeased at the loud whispers and obvious gossiping going on. Already having had to deal with Gibbs personally, he was in a very bad mood himself. "Are we in high school!? Get back to work!"

For a moment there was a complete silence in the room, until someone dropped a pen on the desk.

"Perfect. Now we've got another dragon to deal with..." someone whispered it quietly and there was a sound of very quiet laughter to be heard over the sounds of working.

With a sigh, Morrow returned in his office. He had to make a phone call, which he'd been hoping he would not have to make. After all the trouble Gibbs had made him and other people go through in order to bring the young Detective here, now he'd have to explain to DiNozzo's people _how_ it was possible that they lost the man in the hands of a possible murderer.

* * *

"What do you have for me, Abbs?" Gibbs stormed inside the lab.

"I'm not talking to you until you apologize for yelling at me, Gibbs." Abby was pouting.

"Abby!"

"Sorry. It's nothing much really. Our agents were poisoned, which we already knew."

"But?"

" _But_ it's hard to get kind of poison. You don't just walk into some store and buy it. You have to buy it straight from the people making it. Hardly legal, but they sell it stuff usually behind some different fancy names."

"Abby!" Gibbs wasn't feeling too happy right now, but since it was Abby, he hadn't verbally attacked her as he'd done to everyone else. He had even been yelling a few chosen words to Ducky, who had calmly responded with his own when he went too far.

"These are a couple of known places close enough where you can buy it from." She gave a piece of paper with the information on it to Gibbs, who stormed off with a ' _thank you, Abbs_ '. "You owe me _weeks_ worth of Caf-Pow, Tony..."

It was only hours later, while sitting in a car, when Gibbs finally took a few long breaths to calm himself down.

It hadn't even been a full day, yet it felt weeks long. They weren't getting anywhere with this case. They knew how the victims had been killed and so on. They even had identified the unknown man as the missing owner of the apartment. The apartment had no fingerprints, not anything. There was no way to prove the murders were done by Thomas Harris. It was frustratingly obvious that the man was guilty, yet other than the bodies in the apartment, which wasn't even his, there was no other evidence against him.

The time was running out. He could feel it in his gut.

Putting away the paper, which Abby gave him, Gibbs took out another. After looking through it for a moment, he started the engine. It was time to pay another visit to the family members. All of them.

* * *

Moving slowly, Tony tried to stand up again. He knew he would be easy to find. He hadn't stopped bleeding and the bloodloss was starting to take its toll on him.

' _Stand up, DiNozzo,'_ the voice of Gibbs inside his head was commanding and, gnashing his teeth together, Tony got back on his feet. It was slow and agonizing step by step walk.

' _Attaboy, Tony. Forget the pain. Let it come later. You don't have time to rest. Keep moving. Don't close your eyes. If you fall asleep, all is lost.'_

Opening his eyes, Tony let out a shuddering sigh. "On it... boss..."

' _Keep moving. That's an order. You hear me, DiNozzo?'_

"I... hear ya... boss... Lo... Loud and... clear..."

Holding his hand as tight as he could against his bleeding shoulder, he suddenly felt eyes on him. Turning around slowly he froze, seeing the man standing there only a few long steps away from him. Just staring at him with that blank expression. Covered in blood from head to toe and holding a kitchen knife. "Richard... You're still... alive... I see... Good for... you... Hard to... kill..."

Tony saw the man jumping forward and not a moment later he felt the fight leave his body as his feet refused to carry him any farther.


	11. Lost And Found

Staring up from where he was lying, Tony closed his eyes for a moment, before opening them again. The concern, or emotions in general, were too strange to see on the man's face. It was almost as if he'd get to watch Gibbs jump on the desk in the bullpen and do the squat dance, with a wide sunny grin on his face.

"Leave... me alone..." He glared at the man holding him. He was still trying to understand what had happened during the last five and half hours.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

" _I'm disappointed. Barely even a mention of the case on the news. You must be feeling hurt, Detective. Not even a hint of you either." Harris grinned._

" _What... do you want... from me..? Why not just kill me... now?" Tony still had a hard time getting the words out of his mouth and his voice sounded extremely hoarse and weak. It felt even worse though.  
_

_"Maybe I'm lonely? You see, Richard here is not much of a talker. You entertain me, DiNozzo. Maybe I'll keep you alive for a day or two. We can make some good memories so even when you die, you will always be remembered by me. If you're a good boy, I'll make your death so peaceful you won't even notice before it's too late."_

_Harris laughed at the look Tony was giving him. "I'm impressed. You don't even have to talk to tell me what you think of me. But I'm afraid I have to punish you. No TV before bedtime!" He carried the TV toward the bedroom with him. His laughter was still heard from the room every once in a while, which meant the man most likely ended up watching the TV for almost couple of hours before there was silence in the house._

_So there Tony sat, with only Richard and his stare as his constant company. It wasn't even fun to try talking to the man anymore, plus it still hurt anyway, so he had given up after a while._

_Several hours later it was dark. He felt horrible, he was hungry and thirsty and he needed to use the bathroom. Richard seemed to be asleep, sitting on his own chair, so even if the man would take him to the bathroom, he wasn't about to try out his luck by raising his voice in the middle of the night._

_Now that there wasn't anyone keeping an eye on him and he was desperate enough, Tony tried slowly putting more weight on his feet. Once he was sure he could do it, like a turtle and with his knees bent, he carried his chair on his back. With his feet also tied up, getting toward the kitchen area and doing it quietly was a huge challenge and not just because of his uncomfortable situation, but also because it was dark and he had to keep avoiding crashing into anything. Somehow by some miracle he eventually made it._

_A knife... He needed a knife! Looking around, he saw the moonlight from the window hit against something shiny._ Finally! _he thought with relief, until he saw it move._

" _Need some help?"_

_For a moment Tony froze and he even let the owner of that quiet yet deep and thundering voice help him sit back on his chair properly. Barely was he sitting when he felt and heard a knife cutting through his bindings. Finally able to stand straight and stand free, Tony tried to see the man properly._

_He realized who it was only after the man stepped in the moonlight._ " _Richard?" He could hardly believe his eyes._

" _No time to talk. Thomas sleeps like a dog and he can be back any moment. Hit me on the head with something and leave. He'll think you got free while I was stupid and fell asleep. I'll be punished, but he won't be questioning my loyalty."_

" _Why would... you be doing that?"_

" _He has my brother. His and mine. Dead or alive, our family needs a closure."_

" _You're Thomas's... step brother... There was no... mentions of you... anywhere..."_

" _I was a child born outside marriage. Not something a family like ours would be bragging about." Richard started sounding almost distressed. He was looking for something heavy, which would also make as little sound as possible when hitting his head. "We don't have time for this. You don't know Thomas the way I do."_

_There was a familiar sound, coming from a handgun, and both men froze and turned around. Thomas Harris put the lights on and didn't even blink when suddenly the room was bathing in bright light._

_"I can see you two have become good friends while I looked away. To think you were going to leave me out of this beautiful moment. Aren't you glad I decided to skip the sleeping?" Holding the gun in his hand, Harris moved slowly forward. He was pointing it at Tony, however it was clear he wouldn't hesitate to move it toward Richard instead._ " _So, suddenly my mute right hand man here can speak more than a few words at a time."_

_Tony kept his eyes on the gun. It was one thing if he was going to end up dead, but he couldn't live with it if someone else got killed because of him. Especially after that someone had tried to help him.  
_

_Harris spoke again, with coldness that fit perfectly the cold air in the room._ " _Richard. Is that even your real name? Why, Richard? Why did you decide to side with these people? And I really did like you by the way, Detective, so no offense."_

_The moment he heard the gunshot, Tony was expecting to drop dead right then and there. Instead he did indeed feel pain, but it was on his left shoulder._

" _How dare you!" Harris was beyond furious. He had aimed toward the heart._

_There was a battle for the gun between Richard and Harris. Although Harris was much smaller man, he had hidden strength in his hands and he was filled with rage._

_Tony took a step forward in order to help, when Richard yelled at him. "Take this chance and go! I'll be right behind you!"_

" _Semper fi..." Tony said, knowing the man had heard it._

* * *

He didn't want to go, but seeing that talking to Richard could have cost the man his life and he was still risking his own life to save _him_ —and he was unsure how much help he could even be when he couldn't even see straight, much less move his left arm—Tony had obeyed. He'd ended up walking for what felt like hours, and not seeing any people, cars or houses anywhere. Just the forest around the dusty road.

"I'll be only... slowing us down... Just... leave me here and then... you can call... some help."

"No man is left behind," Richard simply said and hauled Tony on his feet and started half carrying the younger man forward.

"What happened... after I left? Harris?"

"He's dead. Unless he can fix a knife hole in his heart and put back in all that blood he lost," Richard spoke calmly. When he noticed that he was still holding the knife, he dropped it.

Panting heavily, Tony opened his mouth to speak again.

"Don't talk. Save your energy. We have a long way to go."

"Your... brother? Charles?" Tony wanted to know. He hated the thought that he might have ruined the man's plans completely.

"I asked Harris... Charly... He's been dead for a long time... Starvation..." Richard was looking stone faced again.

"I'm... sorry..."

"I knew that is most likely the case. That he's dead. Now I just have to find his body and bring my brother home..."

After a long walk in silence, Tony spoke again. "You... should have taken the car... you know."

"No gasoline."

* * *

It was 3 AM. Gibbs was sitting behind his desk in the bullpen. The team helping him had gone home to sleep two hours ago. Ducky had also finally left home, after making Gibbs promise to call him if there was anything he could help with. Abby was still at work, taking power naps in her lab.

Despite all the hard work, and even with Gibbs's 'second b for bastard', they hadn't been able to find out a whole lot more about this case. Criminals who were too smart and knew what they were doing were hard to work against.

The family on both sides didn't know anything helpful or if they did, they were having the time of their lives by making the agents do extra work, thanks to all the false information they kept giving. Some of those people—which were from Norma Miller's and Thomas Harris's side of family—Gibbs had simply thrown in jail for a night. That had ended the 'let's make them run all over the country for fun' episode. On the husband's side of the family he kept getting blank stares and people who knew nothing and spoke nothing.

Looking through the papers on his desk for the seventh time on that day, Gibbs sighed. His gut had stopped giving him any signs. Was it too late already..? And then his phone rang. At 3 AM. It could not possibly be a good sign. Closing his eyes for a moment and trying to mentally prepare himself for the worst, Gibbs answered. "Gibbs."

" _Gibbs..._ " The voice was barely loud enough and it sounded strange. He was immediately fully alert.

"Tony? Where are you?"

" _Safe... Hospital..._ " The young man stopped talking when he started coughing, and even that sounded odd. Gibbs heard a faint ' _Richard_ ' and soon he heard another voice speaking. Deep and thundering.

" _Agent Gibbs. We are at the..._ " Giving the name of the hospital and address, the man gave the phone back to Tony.

"Tony! What happened?! We've been working all day trying to find you! What was going through your mind anyway?! DiNozzo! Are you listening?!"

" _Later... Sleep._ " With that Tony hung up, leaving Gibbs in a stunned silence.

* * *

"Anthony DiNozzo?"

The nurse looked at Gibbs with raised eyebrows. He knew he wasn't looking at his best and he did smell like some very old coffee. He hadn't shaved since he and Tony started with the case, had a huge coffee stain on the front of his shirt and he looked ready to start yelling in the middle of the night.

Choosing wisely, the nurse decided to show him the room herself, after checking his ID of course, which he barely even remembered to take with him before leaving the Navy Yard.

Gibbs stepped in the room, anxious over what he was going to see. It wasn't a good sight to see, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Remembering those two bodies in the bathroom, Gibbs felt some relief, but only for a moment. He let his eyes wander over the sleeping man in bed. There was obviously a head injury of some kind, since the head had been wrapped up. And the breathing, just like Tony's voice in the phone, sounded strange. Kind of raspy.

"He was shot in the left shoulder, lost a little too much blood and he has a concussion."

Gibbs had almost forgotten the nurse. "But he'll be okay?"

"He will be just fine. It sounds and looks worse than it is. He won't be speaking a whole lot for a little while though. After the choking, his throat and windpipe have been a little—"

" _Choking_?"

The nurse looked as if he was meant to know that little detail already. "I'll bring another chair." She left and only then did Gibbs realize he wasn't alone with Tony in the room.

"What the are _you_ doing here?"

Richard, who was slightly patched up, stared at him without saying anything.

"Are you going to try to kill us again? You lay _one_ finger on him and I _swear_ —"

"Gibbs... He's okay... We... talk later... You... sleep... Look horrible..." Tony sounded tired as he spoke from under the blankets.

"DiNozzo... Say one word and I'll throw his ass out and in jail."

Tony almost giggled at the ' _one word_ ' bit, since that's pretty much how much he was able to talk right now. One or few words, before he had to rest his voice again. "Don't... I owe him... my life..."

Gibbs sat on the chair when nurse brought it in the room. Sensing the icy mood in the room, she gave a warning glare toward the two men sitting there before leaving again.

"She's pretty... but ice queen... You two... should date... Richard... What would it... make you two..? Stone ice... or ice stone..? Or maybe—"

To Gibbs's bemusement, the stone faced man _snorted_ and then he even _spoke_. It was that deep thundering voice from the phone. "Get some sleep, Tony. I promised you I won't leave anywhere before we have talked."

"Is'at... Marine promise..? Stone wall talking..? You promised me... the best... cotton candy..."

"Just sleep. I'll be watching your six." There was slight amusement evident in Richard's voice. He'd already witnessed a huge scene Tony had made while under the influence of the drugs.

"Horseback... riding..." Mumbling something else, Tony fell asleep.

Balling his hands into fists, Gibbs did his very best to keep his calm appearance. It was _his_ job to watch DiNozzo's six! At the same time he couldn't believe he was feeling like this... He was feeling _jealous_ of all things!

Richard responded to Gibbs's famous glare with the usual stone face before returning his gaze back to the man separating him from Gibbs's fury.

* * *

It felt good to know Gibbs was watching his six, just like in the past... In his dream. He couldn't possibly admit that to the old Marine though. And if he could, what would he say anyway? Keeping his eyes closed, Tony was listening to the quiet voices speaking in the room.

"Jethro. You are not going to make things any better by giving Richard a black eye."

_Wait, what..? Black eye?_ What on earth happened while he was out?

"That slimeball asked for it."

"Jethro... I understand your feelings, I really do. However, hospital is _not_ a proper place for some Marine pissing contest..."

"It was not a pissing contest," Gibbs grumbled.

"You are right. The man did not even return your punch. He was the very picture of calm as the nurse took him. So now that you have 'marked your territory', have you calmed down or will I have to let them bring in the security next time?"

"Ducky..." Gibbs sounded _embarrassed_.

"Once the nurse brings him back, _I do_ _not_ want to see or hear anymore of such incidents, Jethro. Anthony needs to rest and he does not need too much 'excitement' to happen around him."

"Actually, Ducky... Little excitement... livens up the... place... Tone down... the colors though... Kills my eyes... They're dancing... all over the walls..." Tony's hoarse mumbling brought the attention on him. To Gibbs's great relief.

"Anthony... You are in for one big scolding and a couple of head slaps from Gibbs... Once you are well enough that is. So do make sure you will be healthy soon."

Tony cringed and then blinked. "Couple..?"

"One from Gibbs himself and one from me. Now tell me... How are you feeling, my boy? I heard you were throwing up half the night, until they changed the medication. Seems you are reacting a little differently with the usual drugs than most people."

"Thirsty..."

Giving him some water to drink, Gibbs was happy to have been able to do at least _something_.

"Are you in any pain? Do you need more pain medication? Another pillow? I know the one you have cannot be too comfortable." Unlike Gibbs, Ducky wasn't even trying to hide the worry and care he felt toward the young man.

Shaking his right hand, Tony was chuckling. "No more... meds... Duckman... They don't... listen to me... bad doctors... Only give me more... Drugs, drugs... make me nuts... You two look... so funny..." And he most certainly wasn't giggling now. Right? He wasn't sure. Everything was too strangely funny, and kind of scary too.

Gibbs and Ducky stared at him. Not yet understanding the reason behind the odd behavior.

Tony's hoarse chuckling was cut short as he turned worried and dead serious. Even the tone of his voice had turned grave. "The walls... are going to fall on me... Take me home... Please..."

Clearing his throat, Ducky was finally able to speak again. "I am afraid that would not be very wise yet, Anthony. You have a bullet wound and a concussion."

"If it's fine by the doctors, he can stay with me." That was Richard talking as he returned in the room. Besides the soon to be black eye, he ended up having a bleeding nose, which was now more or less fixed.

Gibbs spoke out before he had time to even give it much thought and the tone of his voice was only as polite as he was able to muster out of himself. "That's unnecessary. DiNozzo is already staying at my place."

Richard stared without saying anything and then he simply nodded. Ducky had amused smile on his face and Gibbs's glare was practically screaming at him ' _don't say it!_ '


	12. I Will Never Forget

Walking toward the hospital room, Abby was preparing in her head the 'speech'. As good looking as he may be, she was going to say to the Detective a few chosen words.

Disobeying Ducky's orders, going around behind Gibbs's back, getting into trouble and then turning Gibbs into such a... Such... Well, she didn't have a word for it yet, but Gibbs didn't straight out yell at her. Ever. Not before this. And she had never before heard him using such insults toward Ducky of all people, even if Gibbs had apologized later. In his own way. The whole building had been in chaos with Gibbs running around, upsetting and scaring anyone who had been unlucky enough to get in his way.

Everything had been perfect just a little while ago. She would much rather bring back Stan Burley than have this Detective joining their little family. This Detective who started turning everything upside down before even stepping in the building. Yep, she was going to stop being nice to this DiNozzo guy and put on his mean Abby face.

Nodding her head, she took a deep breath to start her speech and opened the door to Tony's hospital room.

No word got out of her mouth as she just stood there. It was unfair. He was too much. Someone had brought a huge teddy bear next to him. Add that to his drugged up state and she had lost the fight before even beginning it. How could one grown up man pull off two so completely different looks? From the tight leather pants to... to... _this_.

"Abby?" Gibbs looked up from the newspaper he'd been reading. Confused as she was just standing at the door.

"I'll be back..." And so she left.

* * *

Finally free from the drugs, which had the control over his brains and his every action and word, Tony sent Gibbs home to get some rest. After giving a warning glare toward Richard, Gibbs let Abby drag her Bossman away with her. She had been snapping photos of Tony with her camera, whenever she thought he didn't see it. It was true that he had not seen, but he sure had heard it.

"Alright Richard... Should we have... the talk now or when..? You do need the... sleep too."

Richard stood up and made sure the door was closed. "I'm not even sure where to begin..."

"How about... you just go with the... flow..?" Rubbing his throat, Tony tried to ignore the memory of not having been able to breathe. He had already some deep scars in his memory from his dream under the blue lights and all the after effects he'd ended up having.

"Richard is my last name. People usually assume it's my first name and they always call me by that even after they find out the truth. My full name is Jonathan Richard. I joined the Marine Corps as soon as I could, but by the time I was 30 years old I lost my leg in the battlefield, and ever since then my career was over. It's been a little over ten years from that."

"Whoa... Wait? Your... leg?"

Richard sat down and rolled up the pants from his left leg, revealing a mechanical leg.

"I couldn't even... tell..." Tony was impressed. It also proved him how much a man could do. No matter how impossible the situation might seem.

"Took years of practice and no one besides my family, a few doctors and some Marine friends know about it now."

Covering the mechanical leg again, Richard looked quietly at the young man in bed, who was now looking at him with such awe and respect. He hated himself for having to break the illusion. "I wish we, you and I, had met couple of years ago. Before I started spending time with Thomas."

Opening his mouth, Tony snapped it close when Richard held up his hand for silence. "I know it hurts to talk right now so try to not speak too much. Let me do the talking this time."

Tony nodded and leaned back against the pillows.

"I hate to say this... I don't want to put you in the position of having to arrest me or to have to testify against me... I haven't known you long enough, but I know your moral code as a cop is a strong one. I don't want you to ever break it in order to pay back the debt of me saving your life. There is no debt to pay. Even if I didn't kill those people, I let it happen under my watch. I also went along with the plan to let my stepmother and stepbrother almost kill both you and Agent Gibbs. _I_ hurt you. I was in that car with Norma following you and Agent Gibbs, while Thomas hit your car with someone else's car. I swear I had no idea he was going to do that, but once I knew, I still didn't do anything about it. I helped him carry you two down in that cave... I helped Thomas cover up his crimes. I changed Norma's drugs into his when he told me to do it."

"You left... the bodies..."

"Only because I couldn't possibly even look at them long enough. Having seen it all happen was maybe finally too much for me. I stood right next to him as he killed Norma. I did _nothing_! Her blood was all over me! I stood in the bedroom while you and Agent Gibbs came for the visit... I sneaked outside after you two. I could have told something then. I did nothing. I'm no better than Thomas. I deserve to be punished for many things I did or didn't do, but I can't go in prison. Not yet."

"Charles..."

"It's ironic really... My family despised me, the child born outside the marriage. Yet the moment that little boy came into this world, he smiled at me. He never smiled at anyone else. He was your very typical Miller who didn't show emotions on his face, yet he smiled whenever he saw me. Even as he grew up, he kept smiling and I couldn't help but smile back at him. I didn't even know _how_ to smile before him. And I was so depressed." Richard almost smiled. Clearly it brought out some good memories.

"Being a Marine was everything I ever had in my entire life and it had just been taken away from me in the form of one lost leg. He gave me new will to live. And now he's gone. That little boy who could even make Norma feel some form of love in her wicked heart. Possibly first time in her entire life. Even if it was a little bit twisted, as she was not a human capable of feeling love. I knew it was Thomas who took him before Norma found out. My reason _was_ pure, just like Charly was. To fake my loyalty toward Thomas and follow his wishes, but as time went on... The more time I spent with him, the more lost I became. Then I met you..."

Tony was confused and the next words made him feel almost uncomfortable. Unworthy.

"You were very much the kind of man I could have imagined little Charly to grow up to be... That same look in your eyes at certain moments... Your smile, even if it mostly is just a show you put on for people to see... It's his smile. In every way it looks just the same."

"I'm not... I'm a cop... and I've killed people... Messed up head on top of... everything else... you don't even want to... know about..."

"And yet you haven't lost your childlike qualities. Even going so far as to show some childlike innocence, even if you do blame the drugs... I can only assume why you have turned out the way you have, but we don't have time for that talk now... The fact is... You opened my eyes to see what I had become. To see what I once was with Charly. Now he's gone to a happier place and although I don't think I deserve such grace, I've seen through you a glimpse of what might have been in ten years or so... Thank you..."

Tony stared at the man who now looked older than his actual age as somehow every line on his face stood out like they never had before. "Now what..?"

"Now... I still have one last thing to do. To find his body and bring him home. It can take days, it can day weeks or it can take years. I will personally hand myself over to the police the moment I have finished what I started. I swear to you, this time I won't lose my sight. I'll give you my word."

"You must let me know the... moment your job is... done. So long as I'm still alive, I will... visit you and bring flowers... or whatever you want... on your brother's grave... I don't care what... you say. You _did_ save my life..."

Richard stared at Tony and then he surprised him as the stone faced man's whole face broke into a smile and then into a soft laughter. It took him ten whole minutes to calm down enough to speak. He never explained the reason behind his mirth. He spoke so softly Tony almost missed the words. "Thank you..."

"You won't... give yourself up now... And you won't let me... to let you go... So, what? How..?"

Richard stood up and walked next to Tony and then he was actually sitting next to him on bed. "You're still not fit to be arresting anyone or yelling for help. You have no phone near you either. When people start asking you questions, you tell them the truth. I left while you were sleeping. There's another thing... I don't really know what it is you have going on with Agent Gibbs, but let him watch your six for me. Promise me that."

He wanted to say no. That it was the one thing he could not possibly promise to do, but he saw the serious look on the man's face. "I... promise, _Jonathan_."

"Now, give me a hug..."

Laughing, Tony wrapped the man into a brotherly hug as Richard returned it more gently than was needed.

"First... the laughing... now the—" Tony froze. He knew what was happening and he tried pulling away from the hand, but it was too late as he felt the pressure. "Don't—"

"Sorry, Tony. I promise I will never forget you or the promise I made."

Richard made sure to not hurt the young man and then he stood up. Looking at the sleeping face in bed one last time, he left the room. That was the last time anyone saw him, until one day he would be walking in a police station. With a smile on his face and looking like someone who had finally been relieved from a heavy burden on his shoulders.

Meanwhile, much later in the present day, Tony woke up and into full realization of what had happened. He cursed those Marines with their sneaky skills... Well, those he was close to anyway.

Rubbing his numb half of the face, he looked around the room. He was alone. His eyes stopped on the chair where Richard had been sitting and he saw there the biggest cotton candy he had ever seen, sparkling in all the colors of the rainbow. _Man_ that thing looked so unhealthy. It was like one big sugary death. Ducky was not going to be pleased.

Sitting up, Tony reached over to take it and started eating it happily. It indeed even tasted unhealthy and so good. He could finally understand the term 'food porn' as he moaned with pleasure. So good...

* * *

"Where is he?" It was the first thing Gibbs asked as he sat down in the hospital room. He wanted to feel happy for not seeing the man in there, but something about the look on DiNozzo's face made his gut churn.

Tony shrugged, still eating the cotton candy. He was starting to feel sick, yet there was still half of it left to eat. There was no way he'd leave it unfinished though. "Gone."

"Gone? What do you mean gone?" Gibbs was getting ready to storm after the man and beat him to a bloody pulp.

"He left... while I was sleeping... He's not... coming back."

"That little..."

"Gibbs... It's okay... He has... something to do... Very important..."

Gibbs sat down silently for a long time as he was trying to read Tony and his mood. "That sugar thing from him?"

"Yeah... He promised..."

"You know, Ducky is going to be watching over your diet like a hawk if you get caught by him eating that."

"That's why I'll be... finished eating this before he... finishes his work today..."

"You better not start jumping on the walls high on sugar after this, DiNozzo... And I don't think anyone should be able to finish that alone in one day."

"I am feeling kind of... sick actually..."

"Then why are you eating it!?"

Tony didn't answer and just kept eating silently and the realization, why, hit the older man. Gibbs felt the black cloud of jealousy looming over him again, but this time he also felt guilty and pushed it away.

"Try and eat it faster then, DiNozzo... Ducky is coming here in less than an hour from now. He decided that Gerald would be good enough for the remaining work today."

Looking almost green, Tony forced himself to eat more and faster.

* * *

"Here, my boy. I know you will be going home, to Jethro's that is, but I figured you might want some real food instead of what they offer you here in the hospital. I made sure you would get all the food groups." Ducky went on to explain the different benefits behind each thing on the plate.

Gibbs, pretending to read a book he had brought from home with him, took sneak glances of the two men. Ducky for now didn't notice anything out of ordinary, and DiNozzo...

Tony felt sick to his stomach and he was sweating. He couldn't possibly even think about eating anything for a day or two. Maybe for even longer. At least not anything sweet. After having finished eating the cotton candy monster, he had just been lying in bed, feeling utterly and completely full and so sick he had no idea if he'd ever be even watching toward any cotton candy for the rest of his life.

Ducky worried. "What is it, Anthony? Are you not feeling well? Did they take you off the medication too soon? Jethro. Be kind and watch over the boy for me while I will go and find his doctor."

"Wait... Ducky..." Tony face palmed himself when Ducky left the room in a hurry. There was no way he could yell after the old man right now either. He turned his face toward Gibbs who didn't even look at him, still pretending to read that book. "Gibbs..." he started.

"Not a chance, DiNozzo."

It didn't take too long for Ducky to return with the doctor. After examining the red-faced young man, the doctor actually laughed. "He is doing just fine. It's just a little thing called overeating. Cotton candy maybe?" _Of course_ he had seen the thing in the room...

Ducky narrowed his eyes and turned to look at the young man, who was looking anywhere but at him. "Something you wish to tell me, Anthony?"

Tony willed the floor to swallow the bed and him with it. Didn't happen.

Ever since that day, on that very same date each year, Tony started having that cotton candy monster delivered to him no matter where he was and every time he ate the whole thing. There was always a different card with the candy. No names or anything else, other than these same words each and every time:

**' _I will never forget_.'**


	13. Cowboy Steaks With Gibbs

"You know, the case will be officially closed now."

"And what makes you think that, DiNozzo?"

It would be Tony's third night spending there after his little 'hospital visit', which was a timeline he could barely even remember. Just a few moments from here and there, depending on how heavily he had been drugged. He even had a strange memory of an old man walking in his room.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_Sitting on his bed, Tony was having a huge argument with the doctor. He could feel that he was still strongly under the influence of the medication, but at least his mind had cleared enough before the next dose. Each word or sound, which he forced out, came with a heavy huff of breath and it hurt._ " _If you dare... put more drugs... in me, I swear I'm going... to sign myself... out!"_

_Ducky, looking calm as ever, spoke before the doctor did. "Anthony dear... Some of those medications are for your own good—"_

" _They all are." The doctor interrupted, displeased._

" _Anthony. At least do lie back down and calm down before you hurt yourself. You have a concussion and a bullet wound. If you will not do it for your sake, then do it for me."_

_There was a moment of silence in the room and everyone held their breaths of what the cranky and more or less disoriented patient would decide. They all felt relief when he lay back down. Only Richard didn't show that emotion wide open on his face. It was hard as usual to tell what was going on in his head. He had however kept his eyes on the scene before him and there was rather odd twinkling in his eyes. It was odd because it wasn't something made for his emotionless eyes._

" _Fine. For you, Ducky." There was goofy grin on Tony's face and then it turned into a frown. He was having a slight battle against the remaining drugs in his system. While he no longer was flying high, things were still looking at times rather... odd, from his point of view. He stared at his fingers as if they were the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. "Wiggly toes... Sparkling..."  
_

" _Is he in immediate danger without the drugs right now?" Ducky was talking to the doctor._

" _Well, no, but to make sure there are no complications he really should—"_

_The door opened and as the people in the room looked toward it, a gray balding head peeked in. An old man, possibly over his early nineties, stepped inside. He was carrying a huge brown teddy bear with him and he smiled his wide toothless smile. Squinting his eyes, he walked to the bed and then he dropped the bear over Tony's feet. He reached over to ruffle Tony's hair, who was at this point starting to look creeped out and tried to disappear further into bed, away from the offending hand._

" _You've grown, Annie! Did your momma cut your hair again? You had such pretty hair..."  
_

" _Mr. Clifford!" This time it was a nurse who was running in the room. She didn't give the people in the room one glance as she dragged the old man with her, who was happily waving his hand at them and promised to come again._

" _We... ah... probably should...return this..." Tony held the toy bear and seeing what he was doing, he dropped it quickly._

_Gibbs reached over to take the bear and put it next to the young man. There was a smirk on the Agent's face. "Until we find the man or that girl, you can look after it, 'Annie'." Ignoring the glare, Gibbs turned his attention back on the newspaper he'd been 'reading'. When the door opened again, he looked up and saw Abby standing at the door._

* * *

After Abby left, she had soon shown up again. This time with that annoying camera of hers. With her help they had also found the owner of that bear.

Although the last argument had been forgotten, they later had another one on the way when Tony was ready to leave the hospital with or without help. Despite having Gibbs promise the good doctor that Tony would be staying with him and that both he _and_ Ducky would be keeping an eye on the young man, the doctor had fought to keep Tony there for at least one more night.

' _It's still too soon,_ ' he had kept telling them.

While Gibbs and Ducky were still talking to the doctor, or arguing really, Tony finally had enough of waiting and disappeared when no one was looking at him. Sneaking out of his hospital room had been easy, since none of the people in there had yet been dealing with his tendencies of escaping from the hospitals and doctors the moment he got the chance. With his bare behind for all to see—which wasn't _that_ hairy, thank you very much, Ziva—Tony had walked proudly and unashamed across the hallway, barely even blinking an eye.

By the time he had been found, signing himself out AMA, the doctor finally gave up with his arms up in the air. ' _I wash my hands of this_ ', was the last thing he said to them.

Nearly choking at the little too big piece of meat he was eating, Tony took his time answering Gibbs.

"God gave you teeth, DiNozzo. Use them." Although Gibbs said it with his usual gruff manner, he kept watchful eye on the Detective, feeling relief he would never admit when Tony seemed to be fine. To kill the man with his food was not on his 'to do list'.

Taking a sip of his water, Tony gave a hopeful look toward the bottle of beer, which Gibbs had taken from him. Didn't matter if he refused to take his medicine, alcohol was right now off limits for him.

Seeing the look, Gibbs took the bottle, opened it and for a _very_ short moment Tony actually thought the man was going to give it to him. Instead, as if he hadn't seen his guest eyeing the bottle now and then, Gibbs took a big sip himself. _That bastard_... Tony rolled his eyes.

"You are evil man, Agent Gibbs. You know I'm not a child. I can take perfectly good care of myself. I don't need to see you first thing in the morning as I open my eyes either. My heart certainly doesn't thank you. Some people would even call that a little creepy. Not that you're creepy or anything..." Tony added quickly when he saw the way Gibbs looked at him with one raised eyebrow. He felt grateful he was finally able to talk properly, even if it did still hurt a little.

"You need me to chew that for you?" Gibbs responded dryly, pointing toward the next piece of the steak Tony was about to put in his mouth.

"Very funny. Beyond hilarious." Tony looked at Gibbs, just to show the man he could chew his own food just fine. McGeek and Ziva would be having the time of their lives had they seen him and Gibbs right now—

Tony froze and he dropped the next piece of meat back on the plate _,_ swearing inwardly. For a few days he had hardly even been giving it a thought. Would he ever be free from that curse of a dream?

"Tony? You alright? DiNozzo!" Gibbs hated how he sounded angry when he wasn't.

Snapping back into focus, Tony flashed a smile. "Everything's perfect, boss— _Gibbs_. Sorry. I have no idea why I keep slipping on that one."

"I don't really mind it. I kind of like hearing it actually. Wouldn't hate hearing you calling me that more often." Gibbs had an odd look on his face. As if trying to tell something more with what he had just said and, oh boy, was Tony able to read the message loud and clear.

Tony looked away. He could see what the man was trying to do. _Just speak out if you want something!_ he yelled it only in his head. It was true that he had promised Richard he would let Gibbs watch his six. However, there was a loophole in the contract: he hadn't said anything about joining the NCIS... So Tony decided to play ignorant. Let the man think he wasn't a mind reader, just like any normal people wouldn't be. "So back to our original discussion... The case. It'll be closed now. Although in the end I wasn't able to help too much, my job here is done."

Gibbs was frustrated. How to tell the kid he wanted him to work with him, the NCIS? At the same time however he felt relief, knowing DiNozzo wasn't a mind reader. Unless he was being played at...

"You know. It's hard to eat when you're glaring at me like that, _Agent_. The steak is perfect as usual by the way."

"The case is still open." Still glaring at the young man, Gibbs couldn't help but notice the use of words DiNozzo had used. As if he had eaten these steaks many times before. A flashback from the morgue came into his mind. The things DiNozzo had told Ducky. Although he wasn't about to buy into some futuristic dreams, Gibbs couldn't just completely wipe the whole thing off as nothing.

"Look... Gibbs. Was that _mysterious_ evidence box sent to you not enough? I mean it did have all you would need to at the very least prove that Harris murdered three people. One of them being our victim. Case closed."

"Like you wouldn't know where the box came from."

"I don't even know what you're talking about."

Even knowing that Gibbs knows, Tony enjoyed keeping up the facade of complete ignorance. He had after all always been a man of masks. Always hiding behind a different one. Sometimes he even had several masks on at the same time. So whenever there was someone who was sure of having revealed the real Anthony D. DiNozzo, boy were they wrong. Gibbs got close— _too close_ —before that explosion and memory loss. Before Kate.

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

_Tony sat in his apartment as he played the grand piano, which was a little too big to even be in there, but he didn't mind. He needed this now and then. His 'alone time' away from the people. Away from the_ _crime scenes in his head. He knew that it wouldn't last, but for that little moment he was free from everything. There was nothing. There was—_

" _Boss." Feeling the presence behind him, he turned around and saw the sheepish look the older man now had on his face just before it was gone._

" _I rang the doorbell and knocked."_

_Although he was feeling uncomfortable, Tony flashed his smile. "So you broke in? You know I could get you in trouble for that."_

_Gibbs shrugged and held up his steaming cup of coffee. Drinking from it, he seemed surprised to find out it was good._

" _Go ahead. There's some fresh coffee in the kitchen. Help yourself," Tony muttered._

"Y _ou obviously knew I was coming."_

" _What makes you think that?" Standing up, Tony felt slightly nervous that his boss had just walked in his home—his sanctuary—as if it was the most normal thing to do, but he hid it behind a smile._

" _It's real coffee," Gibbs muttered as he took another sip from the slightly cracked little cup. It was Tony's favorite and the one always closest thing to grab, which meant Gibbs hadn't spent time searching for another one to pour his coffee in, only grabbed the first thing he saw. At least it'd been washed. Probably.  
_

_Tony cast a slightly resentful glance toward the cup, and felt almost violated. It was his favorite cup. His._ " _There's nothing wrong with the coffee I drink." Shrugging his jacket off, Tony went in the kitchen and started looking through the fast food menus. It would be pizza night for him. He needed some comfort food. And he had to find a new favorite cup to use, and then keep it somewhere Gibbs would never even think to go looking for anything.  
_

" _Why do you look at it if you're only going to order that same pizza every time?" Of course the older man had followed him in the kitchen... and was now opening the cupboards as if he owned the place. Finding both sugar and honey, he took them out and set on the table, ready for the young man to use._

_Setting the menu aside, Tony sat down on a chair and looked at his boss._ " _I don't know. Maybe I just like doing it..? What do you want, Gibbs?"_

" _Was worried you might do something stupid. I saw your face, DiNozzo, when we found the boy's body." Studying the blank look on Tony's face for a moment, the look on Gibbs's face softened._ " _We can't save 'em all. You know that better than most people. We were late even before the case started. Always two steps behind. There was nothing anyone could have done."_

" _Say that to the boy's family. Oh, oops. Sorry. I forgot. He didn't have anyone." Tony's voice was firm and chilling to the bones. He got up, turning his back toward the older man. Pouring some coffee for himself, he started filling the cup with sugar and honey, so much that even he wouldn't be able to drink it._

_Wincing at the sight of a ruined coffee in progress, Gibbs's eyes snapped to the young man's hands. It was barely there, but he saw it. Standing up, he gently took the coffee cup from the shaking hands._

" _What—?"_

" _Tony. There was nothing you could have done to save that boy. Nothing. I know deep down you do know it. You were a cop. You are a cop. You've seen more crime scenes than most people. More than even most agents. Maybe even more than I have." After waiting for some kind of answer or a reaction, but getting none, Gibbs sighed. "Stop beating yourself over this. Come on now, son..."_

_And that's when Tony finally broke down. He would never talk about how he had wept and Gibbs would never talk about how he had for a moment put aside his 'second b for bastard'._

* * *

It was maybe after that incident when the two of them really started to get closer to each other or maybe it was even before that, but the fact was that Gibbs had slowly started finding the real Anthony DiNozzo. He had gotten so close. Perhaps closer than anyone else before... How much could things change, even with people who you thought would never let you down...

He looked up when Gibbs's phone rang. Work call, Tony was sure of it. Although Gibbs had very reluctantly agreed to share most of the work load with his 'borrowed team', no one was stupid enough to not keep him updated.

Getting up, Tony took both of their plates in the kitchen. While he was starting to make more coffee, Gibbs joined him, looking as if he didn't know what to say.

"Well, don't look like that. I can make perfectly good coffee. You should know it by now," Tony joked.

Gibbs sighed and ran a hand over his head. Just how was he going to tell this?

Seeing the serious look on the man's face, Tony frowned. Had the phone call been bad news..? "What..?" he finally asked.

"Richard... He..."

Tony felt fear rushing through his veins. _No... It couldn't be that_...

"They put out a search warrant on him. There is new evidence that puts him on at least couple of the crime scenes with Harris... He at the very least witnessed some of those murders. Maybe did more."

Tony blinked his eyes. Relief washing over him. So not dead then... "Oh."

"'Oh'? DiNozzo..."

"Thank you for the food, Gibbs. If it's alright with you, I need some sleep."

Staring after the man leaving the kitchen, Gibbs shook his head. Whenever he thought he had taken one step forward, he found himself stumbling couple of steps back. The mystery of this Detective remained still unsolved...


	14. Ultimatum

Walking in the bullpen early in the morning, Gibbs shook his head when he saw the young Detective sitting behind a desk, papers scattered all over it, and there was a faraway look on his face as he was deep in his thoughts, chewing at the other end of a pen he was holding.

Gibbs had kept close eye on Tony after he told the news of the warrant, but had seen no obvious reaction. Instead Tony had scared him when he hadn't found him anywhere in the house when he woke up that morning and went to check on him. With that concussion, although better by now, he had started imagining the worst possible scenarios. A phone call from Abby had calmed him down. She called to tell Gibbs how she had come to work early, only to see their patient sitting in the bullpen, working hard like someone who'd been possessed.

"You collecting head slaps, DiNozzo?" By that he meant Tony's little stunt from the first full night at Gibbs's place. Trying to sneak into a hotel. Tony had made it so far as the front door when Gibbs dragged him back and threatened to call Ducky or even take him back to the hospital. Although Tony hadn't tried to escape again, Gibbs barely let the Detective out of his sight after that. Even went so far as to be the one to take him to his dentist's appointment.

While Gibbs was musing these things, Tony kept staring in front of him as he went through all the case related moments from day one. Other than a few minor details, it was pretty much a closed case now, or it would be soon, with Richard on the run and there was mostly paperwork left to be done. Thomas Harris's body had already been at the morgue as well. Without knowing it, Ducky had confirmed Richard's story of how he had killed the man. If there had been more time, would Richard have told more? Tony couldn't help but wonder. The more he went through the case in his head, the more he noticed small little unanswered questions here and there. Probably not that important as far as solving the case went. And maybe trying to think so hard with a concussion still giving him bit of a hard time wasn't the brightest idea after all.

There was a gentle tap against the back of his head and he flinched. More out of surprise than pain. He looked up, taking out the pen from his mouth. He hid a wide yawn behind his hand and sighed out his words. "Morning, Gibbs."

"How long have you been working, DiNozzo?" Gibbs sat down behind his desk, sipping his coffee, which was now at the perfect temperature. If only everything would be perfect. He just needed to open his mouth and ask the right question from the Detective. Why was it so hard?

"Didn't really look at the time."

"You know I can ask Abby to look it up from the security feed. Try again."

"3 AM." It was almost 7 AM now and Tony was exhausted. He hadn't slept all night. Not that he hadn't been trying to get at least some sleep before coming here.

"DiNozzo—"

"Who do you think was the craziest? Who is the true bad guy in this whole thing?"

"We may never find it out. What matters is we got the murderer, even if he is dead. Lucky him." There was dark tone in Gibbs's voice as he said it. "We did our part. There's nothing else we can do, especially since they are all dead." The unspoken words ' _other than Richard_ ' were left hanging in the air almost as if they had been spoken.

"I think Harris was the craziest of them all, but it could be because of his DNA and the way he grew up. Mentally ill mother and most likely didn't even know who his father was. And then there was the stepfather. We still don't know for sure what kind of person he was. What do you think?"

"I think you should give your head a rest. They all had their own secrets. Finish what you were writing and then I will take you back home. Did you take your medicine?"

"You know I don't take them. Or have you forgotten what they did to me? Drugs and I do not mix."

"I haven't noticed." Gibbs was being sarcastic and for a while there was silence between the two men. Both weighting their options and next move.

"Gibbs..."

"DiNozzo..."

They spoke at the same time and Gibbs looked at Tony, waiting for him to speak first.

"The case is now closed. Besides, I've already been ordered to go back by my own boss. He wasn't exactly thrilled that he wasn't informed about any of this. I mean, talk about unpleasant surprise. Coming back from your day off to find out one of your star players have been kidnapped." There was amused look on Tony's face. "I knew you can be a real fox in a henhouse, but I was still a little shocked to hear you didn't even inform him about 'borrowing me'."

Tony couldn't help but feel the pure irony of this whole thing. Whether Gibbs would be the same now or not, but in the dream the man used to always be so angry if not totally pissed off by the way people kept borrowing Tony for their undercover missions or offering him jobs. He didn't much care about being treated like some kind of possession between people, or used in their personal power games like a pawn in a game where he only had worth while he was useful.

"Didn't see much need for that..." Gibbs shrugged.

"Of course you didn't... By the way, your Director wants to see you."

"Right... We'll continue our talk later." Gibbs left, grumbling something.

Tony waited until he was sure the man was with the Director. He had a reason to come to work so early. Although Richard did send that evidence box and the case looked pretty solid, he wanted to go through the papers once more. Just to make sure he had nothing else keeping him there, nothing holding him back. But it wasn't the only reason.

Getting up, Tony went in the elevator where he hesitated for a moment as he tried to decide which place he should visit first. Abby or Ducky? Knowing he'd been avoiding this long enough, he chose the lab. Before that however he'd need to get something as a peace offering...

* * *

He couldn't help it. Try as he did, he couldn't hold back the smile forming on his face when he stepped inside the lab. Loud 'music' was blaring and while the machines where doing their work, Abby was sleeping. Looking at her brought back so many 'memories'. Despite everything, they used to be so close. She had been the sister he never had. The one they all had more or less spoiled. Maybe that was the problem? Maybe if they had done things differently—

_Stop it!_ Tony commanded himself. This would not be the time for this. Cooling his features into more neutral, he turned off the music.

"I wasn't sleeping!" Abby bolted up straight on the chair. Looking around sleepily, she spotted the Detective standing in her lab. She was still reeling over the way this ' _I look like I own this place_ ' Detective had changed her Bossman. The way Gibbs had yelled at _her_ of all people.

"Sure you weren't." Tony might have been able to hold back his smile, but he couldn't stop the laughter in his eyes. Or hide. He wasn't even really trying.

Abby narrowed her eyes. She couldn't be sure, but was he making fun of her? She was going to say a few chosen words to him, but then her eyes spotted the Caf-Pow, which DiNozzo was holding. Oh, the cruel world! "I was only taking a _nap_. Big difference. I'm waiting for _Gibbs_ to bring me my Caf-Pow."

For a second Tony frowned. He hadn't missed the not so subtle ' _this is Gibbs's job_ ' and ' _you're not Gibbs_ '. This was different, Tony realized with abashment. Sure, even 'back then' they hadn't been friends since day one, but... It was almost as if his dream Abby from those later years had jumped into the real world. Unless, of course, he had a selective memory when it came to those 'golden first years'.

Forcing a smile on his face, Tony held out the Caf-Pow for her to take. "I know. Gibbs had to go see the Director so he sent me to bring it to you. To be the delivery boy."

Hesitating for a moment, Abby snatched the Caf-Pow and took a long sip. "Ah... Bossman always manages to save the day, even when he's not here."

Tony turned around and almost left, before he remembered his real reason for being there in the first place. "I almost forgot... Remember when you got me those clothes to wear? I've been meaning to apologize for my attitude back then. I'm sorry and thank you for going through the trouble, even if I couldn't wear them."

Abby stared at him, just drinking her Caf-Pow. She knew she was behaving maybe just a teeny bit childish right now, but she didn't care. She didn't like the sudden possibility of having to share her Gibbs with this man here. She had thought that when the Detective would join the NCIS, he'd be just another agent. Instead it started to become clear that this was more of a ' _long-lost son_ ' case here, which she didn't understand since they barely even knew the guy.

"That's all. Have a good day, Abigail." Tony nodded and turning around he left the room, leaving the young goth stare after him with mixed feelings.

* * *

"...so no matter what I told her, it did not matter at all. She had become like a woman possessed. That is why do not ever underestimate a woman who wears red shoes." Ducky finished his long-winded tale just as Tony entered the morgue where Ducky and Gerald were doing an autopsy.

"I thought the story was about a box of chocolates? Where do the red shoes fit in?" Gerald was confused.

"It's because Ducky has a theory over his years of experience with women," Tony answered for Ducky who smiled at him.

Gerald still looked confused so Tony reached out his hand. "I'm Tony. Detective from Baltimore."

"Ah. Ducky told me about you. I'm Gerald Jackson, his assistant. I would shake your hand, but..." He held up his hands, which were more or less covered in blood.

"That's alright." Tony smirked and grabbed Gerald's hand to shake it.

"Anthony!" Ducky shook his head and watched as Tony went to wash his hand clean. "You should not be to work yet, young man," he scolded Tony when he was back with them.

" _I know,_ Ducky... But I had to come. I'm going back to Baltimore. Today."

Ducky looked wistful. "I hope this does not mean goodbye for good."

"No, and I promised you not to make any decisions while I'm angry. So that's not what this is." Tony gave Ducky a meaningful smile and the old man returned it with a helpless chuckle. "However... I'm still not going to be working in here. Too many bad memories."

"I understand it, Anthony. Although I cannot say I completely agree with your decision. Does Jethro know?"

"No. Well, he'll know soon enough. He can't even ask clearly, whether he wants me here or not. Does the man have some issues with simply asking? I even heard once from Kate how—" Tony closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He almost forgot again that they didn't even know her. About her. Did she even exist? "Anyway. I wanted to say goodbye, or rather see you soon." Not caring if he'd get some blood on himself, Tony awkwardly hugged the old man, who was more than happy to return it as Tony's shirt was now stained with blood anyway.

"Anthony. Please tell me you are not going to be driving? With your concussion and that bullet wound..."

"No need to worry. I'm taking a cab."

"Would that not be too expensive? Surely with few phone calls I could find someone willing to drive you there..."

"That's too kind of you, Ducky. Really. But the money isn't a problem... I mean, I can afford it. Thanks anyway. I'll be fine."

Ducky studied the young man's face for a while and then he sighed, nodding. "Alright then. Have a safe ride back home. Be sure to call me the moment you are there, so I do not have to worry."

"I will. Thanks for everything. Despite what I told you before—about you know what—you have been more than great. I fear to even think how Gibbs would have handled it."

Ducky felt terribly guilty and for a change he felt conflicted over what would be the right action for him to do right now. To tell the truth or not?

"What was he talking about?" Gerald asked when Tony left the room.

"Oh, it is quite fascinating story, but I am afraid I have no right to share it. As much as I would love to, it is not my story to tell. Perhaps some other time, someday. Now, let us get back to the work. We should not keep our guest waiting..."

Meanwhile, stepping out of the Director's office, Gibbs was in a bad mood. Very bad mood indeed. Tom Morrow had just given him the ultimatum.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

" _Sit down, Agent Gibbs," Tom spoke as soon as the door opened and Gibbs stepped in. Well, crashed through the door was much closer to the truth.  
_

_Raising his eyebrow, Gibbs remained standing._ " _I have things to do so let's get straight to the point, Tom."_

_Oh, he wasn't going to like it..._ " _I can't let this go on any longer. I was told to give you the ultimatum '_ or else _'."_

_Narrowing his eyes, Gibbs crossed his arms over his chest and stood looking tall and intimidating. "And exactly what is this ultimatum?"_

" _You need your own team. You can't go running around solo anymore, or keep borrowing other agents and teams. Frankly, while I'm in charge, there won't be anyone going 'lone wolf' here anyway."_

" _I'm doing just fine."_

" _Gibbs, times are changing. Some people want to get rid of people like you and me. In their words: '_ we have to move to the next century _'. The only way to ease that in your case would be by taking younger agents in your team. All the other team leaders have been successfully training new agents for a long time now."_

" _Is that your way of telling me we're getting old? I don't need to work with someone who needs constant teaching or watching over. This isn't school anymore. Besides, you and I both know that none of those probies could handle my training and leadership._ _I don't do any hand holding."_

" _We_ are _getting old and everyone else have done just fine, training their agents into some of the finest we have. Your problem is that you ask for too much. Not everyone can become the next Gibbs." What Tom wasn't going to say out loud was that they didn't want nor need more people like Gibbs. Not if they came with as much trouble and headache as this one did. Way more trouble than he was worth.  
_

" _I can still beat up many younger criminals and even agents if I have to. I don't need clones of me either. I work better alone. You know that."_

_With a weary sigh Tom stood up._ _"Don't I know it... I never said you are weak. Look, Gibbs... The thing is... The world_ is _changing and we are, as some people are putting it, '_ from the last century _'."_

" _The h—"_

" _This is the deal now: You will choose your first team member by the end of this month or_ I _will send someone to you. This is not a debate. They're orders. Surely you still remember how to follow them, do you, Agent? After you have chosen the first one, we will talk about getting another."_

" _That's not gonna happen!"  
_

" _As I told you, this is your ultimatum. Unless you want to end up with someone chosen by me or worse, by someone else, you better start looking. You're dismissed."_

_Tom flinched when he heard the door being forcefully opened and then slammed close. He really didn't need this kind of morning. Usually it meant the whole day was going to be less than pleasant..._

* * *

Gibbs grumbled and cursed both the Director and SecNav as he stormed down to the bullpen. The agents near him visibly shrunk away from his attention. Seeing the empty working area, Gibbs looked up. "Where's DiNozzo!?"

"He... ah... He went somewhere... Used the elevator," one Agent spoke, swallowing hard at the glare that was now directed at him.

Chris Pacci shook his head at the way most people in there were so obviously terrified. He stepped forward and spoke calmly. "That Detective seemed to have a clear mission, wherever he was heading."

Gibbs nodded curtly and he stormed in the elevator. His gut was churning again and he had a feeling he was in a hurry.

Once at home, he wasted no time trying to find his guest, but in the guest room and on the perfectly made bed was a letter, a phone and neatly folded clothes and boots.

_**'Gotta go. Here's the phone you gave me. Give the clothes back to Abby.** _   
_**Try to remember that other people have human feelings. Be nice, Agent Gibbs.** _   
_**—Detective DiNozzo '** _   


Growling, Gibbs dropped the piece of paper on the floor and stormed out of the room. Of course he got the hidden message behind the use of 'Detective' instead of just the name alone.

He was about to leave the house and he already had his hand on the door handle, when he stopped suddenly, smelling coffee—fresh coffee—which he could swear he hadn't smelled when coming home just a moment ago. Walking quietly in the kitchen, Gibbs stopped when he saw what was waiting for him there. Snorting in amusement, he walked to the coffee maker and saw the note.

**' _Was my timing right?_ '**

Shaking his head, Gibbs looked once more at the odd timer system Tony had done to his beloved coffee maker. He was going to kill the kid!

Taking out his phone, he hesitated less than a second before he chose the number. "Tom. I'm taking time off from work... A month... _Yes_ , it has everything to do with the ultimatum!" Fighting back the urge to roll his eyes, Gibbs finished the call at Tom's ' _keep your phone with you and on, so that_ —' something. He didn't hear the rest of it. Gibbs smirked as he could imagine the look on the man's face right now.

Dialing the next number on his phone, Gibbs had to wait only a moment before it was picked up. "Abby! Calm down and let me talk!" He sighed. Obviously someone had given her the morning dose of her Caf-Pow. It made him feel slightly less guilty for not visiting her that morning.

"Abby. I'm going to take time off and I'm leaving right now, so I'm afraid your next Caf-Pow from me will have to wait... No, I didn't send that... No, you can't yell at Tony right now. He went back to Baltimore— Abbs! There's no reason to get upset. I'm going to bring him back... No, you can tell that to him yourself. Play nice, Abby." He ended the call, just hoping the next one would be less of a hassle.

Trying to reach Ducky, he knew his prayers had been answered. "Gerald? Where's Ducky..? Tell him I'll be spending some time in Baltimore." He ended the call just in time to hear Ducky's ' _is that Jethro?_ ' in the background.

In almost no time, Gibbs had packed up the few things he might be needing. Rest of the things he could simply buy. Finding his gift from Abby—a huge thermos—he took the coffee with him on the road. If DiNozzo thought he could get rid of the 'problem', which obviously was Gibbs, then the man better be prepared to deal with that problem face to face.


	15. Walking Over The Grave, Women And Pride

Getting out of the cab, Tony walked toward his apartment. The hairs on his neck stood up, and when he looked at the cause of it, with much displeasure he noticed the person standing in front of his apartment door. Just what he needed... He was groaning in his mind as he watched Wendy crossing her arms over her chest. Not a good sign.

"You have some explaining to do!"

Flinching at the almost cold tone in her voice, Tony sighed. Well. He shouldn't make this last any longer for either of them... "Want to come in? We need to talk..."

" _You're_ telling _me_ that! Of course we have to talk, DiNozzo!"

Tony flinched again. Using his last name... Definitely not a good sign...

"You didn't show up and you didn't answer your phone. You have no idea what kind of thoughts were running through my mind! I thought you're hurt or maybe even dead somewhere! _Then_ I was told you took off to D.C. and soon after that I find out you've been kidnapped! You didn't think for _once_ to give me a call?! Just what am I to you?!"

They were obviously starting to attract the attention of the neighbors so Tony opened the door and pretty much pushed Wendy inside his apartment. Not that the thin walls would be helping to keep things that private either.

Closing the door after him, he spoke. "Look... I'm sorry about that and you're right. I _should_ have called you. I forgot my phone and you know how I can be with the work. Anyway... There's something we have to talk about—"

Tony was almost knocked over when she jumped on him. Kissing and mumbling things like ' _I forgive you_ '. She hadn't even heard him hiss in pain when she took hold of him in that less than gentle manner, like a lover who was after only one thing.

"Wait..." Tony pulled away and part of him hated himself for doing this, but it would be way too easy to simply give in. Not to mention unfair when they obviously had no future together.

Or maybe this was just the easier way out for him, to protect himself. To protect his own poor little heart. Though, who could really blame him? Dream or not, it had made him see things about her and their relationship in a way he hadn't before the coma. He had been blinded by love, which had to be one of the most dangerous things in life. It stopped you from seeing the truth. Or maybe it hadn't even been love, but him simply needing to feel loved by someone. And look how well that had turned out back then... As for her true feelings, he didn't know.

"We really should talk first..."

Wendy finally looked at him, and seeing the dead serious 'I'm not kidding here' look on the man's face, she nodded slowly.

As they walked in the kitchen, where Tony started making coffee, she spoke suddenly. Her voice was quiet and she sounded defeated. "Danny told you, didn't he? He promised to not tell you, but you two are close... So I guess I shouldn't be too surprised..."

"Told me what?" Tony kept both his voice and face neutral, not revealing his thoughts or feelings.

"About Dylan... It's already over and it never meant anything. It's just that... you're always working so I rarely see you. I missed you. And he was always there and..."

To his own great shock Tony felt nothing. He didn't feel anger or anything near it. He _was_ surprised by the way things had turned out. It was as if the universe was trying to tell him something with this. Both in his dream and in real life this woman was only ever able to betray him. Yet all he did feel right now was deep _relief_ and slight guilt as this was making everything almost too easy for him. He could even throw a huge tantrum and no one would think any less of him with an excuse like this.

Wendy looked hurt when Tony let out a sudden sound of laughter.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to laugh. The thing is... What I wanted to talk to you about... I wanted to quit this. Us. I never thought how easy this would become... I guess I should thank you."

"Wait... Tony..." Wendy visibly paled when she realized what she just did.

"Wendy. We did have a great time once. Even if it was tad bit creepy for us to be together in the first place. Even I can and will admit it. Perhaps that's all what it was in the first place? Little excitement? Teacher and student."

Now that he said it out loud, it was also for the first time Tony realized just how wrong their relationship was. Especially on her side... And with him having been that kid without any support system and without someone protecting against the bad things in this world... There had never been any hope for anything better. Not for him, not with his track record... But it was a little too late to feel any regrets now... He almost wished he'd woken up while he was still a kid. At least his memories and the mind of a much older man could've protected from all that and more... Although, could his young mind have been able to even deal with this mess in his head, when his twenty something self almost couldn't..?

"That never was the reason, Tony. I know even you know that."

"You _could_ be right, but the fact is I really can't be sure anymore. I've never had anything real I could compare it to. Besides, since you have no trouble sleeping around and I have truly no feelings about it, those speak for themselves..." Tony looked at the woman with almost pity. He was seeing her for the first time as who she really was. And what he saw was... Well, he could see now that the two of them probably would have ended up divorcing at some point anyway, if they did manage to get married.

She was hurting, he was sure of it. Just looking at her face, now filled with agony, made it painfully clear. However, he also knew that she would get over it soon. She'd find someone else. Whether the knowledge was from his dream or it was his gut feeling, didn't matter anymore.

"I think you should go home, Wendy. We both need some time to think."

Nodding mutely, Wendy slowly stood up from where she had ended up sitting.

"Oh, and... _I_ did care about you. And you're right. It had nothing to do with what we were in the past..." But it still was wrong. He didn't say that out loud though.

"Tony..."

"Just leave. Now. Please," Tony said quietly and after looking like she wanted to say something more, she finally left. His apartment felt strangely empty after she was gone, but the weight on his shoulders was less heavy.

Hours later, after he had _finally_ called Ducky with a borrowed phone, he now found himself digging out papers and other files from where he had hidden them, to keep his mind busy with other things. At least he had now one problem less to deal with and putting weigh on his mind.

Opening a beer bottle, Tony enjoyed the fact that there was no one around to order him around. Both his shoulder and head were giving him bit of a hard time, but he still chose the beer over any pain meds. He had missed this too much. Setting the bottle on the kitchen table, he took out the files and other printed documents.

It was something he had started working on only a few days before he had been 'Gibbsnapped'. Searching through anything and everything about both Danny and his boss Frank. Even when knowing what to look for, it was hard when you had to keep it silent and not have the kind of help he'd like to have. He wasn't about to go and ask Gibbs to help him though... This was his case and trouble to deal with. If it would be proven that reality was indeed copying his dream, then there was no way he could let his whole dream repeat. He would hand the case over to the higher authority then. However, just thinking that Danny might be a dirty cop... He felt betrayed all over again and it didn't hurt any less the second time.

Leaving the papers on the kitchen table, Tony made his way in the bathroom. Staring at his reflection from the mirror had become less of an obsession than it had still been a mere few weeks ago, but it still felt strange seeing his younger self staring back at him. He would most likely only get used to it once he would turn forty again. Maybe then time would also start moving again and he would stop feeling so trapped all the time.

Stroking at his stubble covered chin, he was chuckling softly. "Better start taking extra good care of my looks and health now..."

Walking in the bedroom, a sudden and terrifying thought came to his mind. Maybe he should even change his diet... Although, there was no way he could completely give up the pizza... And some other things. Many other things.

Thanks to the lack of sleep last night, Tony was feeling extremely tired and could barely even hold his eyes open, which was why the bed looked suddenly so inviting and why he fell asleep the moment his head touched the pillow.

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY -_ **

_He was standing in a white room. Hospital room most likely. As he looked around, he saw several people in the room. It took him a while to recognize them._

" _I'm sorry, but you should prepare for the worst. There's nothing else we can do for him."_

_"Try saying that again! You don't know him! He'll make it!" It was Gibbs, looking as if he hadn't slept, eaten or in general taken care of himself in a long time. Anguish was written all over his face and he looked older than Tony had ever seen him look. What was even more shocking however, was seeing fear as the most intense emotion constantly present on the man's face. Being angry was one thing, but this... This couldn't be his boss... Gibbs didn't allow such emotions be so wide open for all to see. Didn't let people see him being this weak.  
_

" _Jethro..."_ _Ducky spoke. He looked grim and heartbroken at the same time. "_ _I know you are upset. We all are... But the doctor is right... Only a miracle could save our Anthony now..."  
_

_Walking toward the bed, Tony had his first good look of the man lying in there. He watched the older version of himself, head wrapped up and attached to far too many machines and obviously also full of more drugs than he had ever been. He finally understood the feeling '_ walking over my grave _' as he stared at himself.  
_

" _Actually, you would need a double miracle—" The doctor started._

" _You're_ really _not helping here! Leave us alone and tell Brad to come here!_ He'll _know what to do! He was there when Tony beat_ the plague _!" Abby was almost screaming, looking up from where she was holding the sick Tony's hand. She was wearing no makeup, was dressed in pajamas and her hair looked like a complete mess._

_The doctor looked at them for a moment pityingly and then left the room._

" _Jethro... Have you heard anything from Anthony's father?"_

" _He's too_ 'busy' _to come," Gibbs snarled and Tony snorted. Big surprise. The only reason his old man would ever come to his only son was if the man needed something. Usually money or some other help...  
_

" _What about David and Timothy? Have you had any contact with them yet?"_

_Gibbs snarled again. He had a dark look on his face. "I don't care anymore. If her_ 'personal business' _is more important than her_ dying _partner, then perhaps it's time for her to 'move on'. As fas as I'm concerned, she's gone rogue again. Her biggest mistake was dragging McGee with her. This is going to ruin him for good... Ducky... Why did this happen? How could I have become so blind that I let it happen?"_

_Ducky didn't say anything, knowing from what Tony had told him how much bigger 'mistakes' she had made. He simply squeezed his old friend's shoulder as they watched their younger friend's last moments alive._

" _He never woke up, Ducky... Not once... I never had the chance to even apologize and to try to make things right... He'll never know that he's... That I... To me..."_

" _I am sure he knows and can hear everything, Jethro."_

_Gibbs didn't say anything as he simply sat down on the bed. Carefully lifting Tony's head and then lowering it on his lap, he was handling it with such care as if it were the most precious and fragile thing on earth. "I know you're mad at me Tony, but this is a little too much... Our team is broken and I'm too old to waste my time with some new agents... With you gone, what reason would I have to not retire? Come on now, son... Show those doctors once more how you can beat the odds set against you..." Not even caring about the people in the room, Gibbs let his vulnerable side show as he kept talking and stroking Tony's face and hair like it wasn't the most unnatural sight._

_Breena had her arms wrapped around Jimmy as she tried to comfort her husband who_ _kept wiping his eyes dry, only to have to do it all over again._ _"He became my best friend..._ Him _of all people... We spent so much time together, even outside the work... I should have noticed something was wrong..."_

_Tony, who was watching this all with mixed feelings, looked around the room and only now noticing all the other people there. Taking a peek in the hallway outside the room, he saw even more people. So many familiar faces... There was no way they'd be all there for him... Looking back inside the room he realized how everything was starting to fade away._

* * *

Bolting up on his bed, Tony was feeling for a moment very confused. Then came the cold feeling, all the way to his bones and he shivered.

"Walking over my grave..." he was mumbling to himself and then groaning when he realized he'd been sleeping on his left shoulder. The injured one. _Cursed be it all_... It had been a while since he had last time dreamed of that reality. It had been almost like watching your own funeral.

Unable to even think about sleeping anymore, Tony stood up. It was time to go out and get some more coffee.

* * *

Sitting in the coffeehouse, Gibbs kept his eyes fixed at the door while he was drinking his coffee. It was his third cup now and still no sign of DiNozzo. He'd figured that this place was his favorite place around here and knowing how tired the man had been in the morning, Gibbs had decided to take the risk and just wait here. Though there was obviously a big chance that instead of getting some coffee, DiNozzo had gone home to sleep.

The door opened again and this time _finally_ the young Italian stepped inside the busy room.

"Antonio!" the owner welcomed him with a big smile and a hand wave, which Tony returned with a wide grin of his own. "The usual, right?"

"Nah... Give me the other usual and something to eat." Tony nodded and flinched when one of the customers leaving bumped against his left shoulder. Looking around for a place to sit, he spotted Gibbs who was not even trying to hide and was smirking at the bemused look on Tony's face.

"You _followed_ me?" Tony asked, sitting down with Gibbs. It didn't take long for the owner to bring Tony his coffee and a huge piece of pie. He was grateful it wasn't a cherry pie.

Gibbs looked with interest as the coffee obviously wasn't the type of coffee he had seen the young man drink before. Instead it seemed to be some sort of special sweet crap, with a name he couldn't most likely even pronounce.

"You do realize that following me all the way here in Baltimore _is_ kind of creepy? And don't even try to come up with another excuse of a case that is somehow tied up to Baltimore. I did look it up you know. That case didn't have anything to do with Baltimore. Just because the victim's old girlfriend lives in here, doesn't give you any reason to drag my ass all the way to D.C. for your own amusement."

Gibbs shrugged. "I'm on vacation."

"Vacation? Gibbs, you _never_... So why did you choose Baltimore of all places? I know plenty of places where you could enjoy beach, some bourbon and hot chicks. I heard from a friend of mine about this one place that has the best looking redheads he has ever seen and trust me, he knows the women almost as well as I do." Tony gave the older man his ' _tell me the truth_ ' look.

"I followed you." Gibbs shrugged as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Tony ran a hand over his face. "Why would you do that? Gibbs. Let me set this straight. There is a reason why I came back as soon as I could. I needed some time to think."

"Then think. I'm not stopping you."

"You must be enjoying this..." Tony frowned. _Of course_ he was! Gibbs simply gave that half smirk of his.

Staring and studying the older man before him, Tony finally shook his head and stood up. Digging out the money from his wallet, he left it on the table. "I can't stop you being here, but stay out of my way. If I find that you're giving me trouble at work, I won't hesitate to arrest you, _Agent_." Waving his goodbye to the owner, Tony left with both the coffee and pie with him.

Gibbs chuckled and took his time finishing his coffee. He wondered if he'd need a plan or not. Although closer than before, he still hadn't solved the mystery of this man.

Walking outside less than ten minutes later, he saw some kind of street drama and one very uncomfortable looking young Detective.

"I know I've made a huge mistake..! But we can't just throw it all away like we're nothing because of it..!" the woman cried.

Tony, wishing he was almost anywhere but there, barely even mumbled his answer. "Wendy... There is no 'we'. Did you not listen to me at all? Although what you did gives us _every_ reason to end our relationship, it was not the reason. We simply were not meant to be together. I don't think you want me to spell out the reason, with all these people listening."

Wendy opened her mouth to speak again, only to be interrupted by another voice.

"Women trouble, DiNozzo?" Gibbs wasn't sure if he should be amused or worried. He of all people knew how dangerous an angry or upset woman can be. Just remembering it made his head ache... Cursed ex-wives and their seven irons and baseball bats...

"You could say that."

"Need help?"

"Nah. I've got this."

"You sure?" Gibbs watched as Wendy opened her mouth again.

Tony flinched at the thought of another embarrassing street performance from her. Unwilling to take part of it any longer, he practically jumped in Gibbs's car as the man opened the door for him, smug smile on his face.

It was only after they were driving away—with the upset woman staring after them—that Tony turned to look at Gibbs. "You realize that was not a parking spot? I could get you in trouble for that."

"Yet here you are. Saved by my 'unlawfulness'."

After a few more moments of driving in silence, Tony started feeling uncomfortable. "You can drop me off here."

"I'll take you home. You obviously need your meds and sleep."

He could see what Gibbs was doing here. Could see it so well... Obviously with some good old-fashioned police work the man could find it out anyway, but it wasn't like he'd willingly let Gibbs know where he lived. Knowing Gibbs, it was practically a full invitation to ' _come in and make yourself home_.' Then again, it was a full invitation whether he'd let Gibbs find it out from him or not. The man was that much of a bastard.

"That's alright. I already had a little nap before and I can walk."

Gibbs glared at him and Tony grimaced. Then again... He could let this painfully awkward car ride go on until he opened his mouth or then Gibbs would call Abby or someone to find it out... After this he'd have to move to a new place _again_... It was as if moving apartments every once in a while because of his work wasn't enough. He'd have to find a place that even Gibbs and his little minions couldn't locate too easily. He needed it, now more than ever. His own safe place. Place where he wouldn't bring any work partners, no friends and definitely _no women_.

"Turn left here..." he spoke with resignation.

Gibbs didn't show victory or relief on his face, but truthfully speaking he couldn't take any longer of this slow driving around. Well, to _him_ it was slow.

* * *

"What?" Tony asked when they stepped inside his apartment.

"It's small." Gibbs was almost shocked. He had somehow imagined the man to be living in a place much bigger than this and that it would in general be looking way different from this. If there hadn't been a few things like that huge TV and even bigger movie collection in the living room area, a microwave and some fancy coffee maker in the kitchen, he would have thought this place belonged to someone quite poor.

"It serves its purpose. With my work I barely get the chance to even come home to sleep. Our workload is much bigger than yours. We don't have fancy equipment and all those extra helping hands around. No time for anything else besides work and sleep, sometimes only work. No time for girls either..." And maybe that was a good thing, Tony wondered, remembering Wendy again. "Anyway... I guess I'll make some coffee..." Tony walked in the kitchen, with Gibbs following closely behind him.

"You should sleep instead. You look like crap."

"That hurts my feelings. I look just fine. I don't want to sleep. And kind of afraid I'll deal with another moment of walking over my own grave."

Gibbs raised his eyebrow in question, but said nothing. Instead he let his eyes wander around one of the tiniest places called 'kitchen' he had ever seen—in his mind he was making a list of all the things he could see from the first glance alone, the things needing to be repaired and even some clear dangers for both the general health and even life—until they stopped on the files scattered all over the small kitchen table for two.

"I'll make strong enough coffee so even you will be able to drink it."

"I thought you drink the good coffee all the time."

"I do. Doesn't mean I like it. And for your information, that's not coffee. That's black liquid of tar at best."

Gibbs ignored the commentary. "You bring work home too?"

"What do you mea—?" Tony started and as he turned around, the words died in his mouth. Seeing Gibbs looking through the papers there like it was no one's business, made his blood run cold.

Gibbs looked up unsurprised as Tony snatched the files and any remaining papers from the table. "You know... If you need any help..."

"It's nothing, Gibbs. It's just some extra 'homework' from one of my cases." The lie came easily and Tony hurried in his bedroom, to hide away the papers before returning in the kitchen, where Gibbs hadn't moved since he left.

Gibbs didn't mention that he had seen more than enough to know what those papers were all about. It made his gut churn. _That idiot_... Fights like these were never good to fight alone... "My offer stands if you change your mind, DiNozzo."

"Thanks, but I'm pretty sure I can handle this," Tony said it with tightness in his voice, having forgotten for a moment his promise to let the man watch his six.

Even knowing what he knew from his dream and what had happened to Danny, Tony wasn't about to go and ask Gibbs to help him. Not liking the way the man already was sticking his nose into _his_ business, Tony let his pride of all things cloud his own judgment. And as they say: Pride goes before a fall. He didn't want to be like Ziva and Gibbs had been in the dream. His problems were his and he would not drag anyone down with him. He didn't see that accepting help or asking for help were completely different from the actions of those two.

Ignoring his own gut feeling, Tony took out two cups for the coffee, unaware that he would have to relearn the importance of a partner watching your back and that once Gibbs got something in his head, there was no stopping him. The line between the right and wrong could be very thin indeed...


	16. Questions And Some Answers

Frank Raimey—the Major of Baltimore PD—was sitting behind the table at one lone diner just outside the Baltimore, chosen by his 'contact'.

"Frank. You're early," the man walking toward the table spoke. He was tall and looked harmless, but looks can be deceiving as Frank knew from experience.

"Don't use my name, dumbass!" Frank hissed between his teeth and the man gave him unapologetic grin. "You know I don't like meeting this way. This better be for a good reason," Frank grumbled and kept his eyes fixed on the man sitting before him. As much as his little 'side business' with the criminals were fattening his wallet, he wasn't stupid enough to trust them or turn his back on them, which was why he had chosen the table and chair from where he could keep an eye on anyone coming in or out, or anyone already in there. Not to mention he never went anywhere unarmed, if he could control the situation at all.

"The boss is rather unhappy," the man said and threw a short flirting smile toward the waitress old enough to be his mother.

"What's his problem this time?" Frank puffed out. Because when wasn't there something the old devil wasn't happy about?

"Well, it seems as though there is a 'curious cat' among your men. Too curious. Someone is investigating not only you, but everything involving your little 'business deals' and anyone involved in it."

To his pride, Frank didn't let it show how much hearing those words worried him. "No one has a clue about anything. I've made sure of it. Besides even if it does come out, I can guarantee you that the ones taking the fall would be those ignorant ones."

"We don't know how good the cover you have built up is or isn't, but the fact remains that one of _your_ detectives is snooping around where he shouldn't be. You know how the saying goes? ' _Curiosity killed the cat_ '. In this case anyone who will endanger our boss and his business. You know how much he hates it whenever it happens."

"Tell him I'll take care of it." Frank grimaced. He didn't like what he would have to do, however, if it meant that in order to protect himself he'd have to do whatever it takes, he would do it.

"He thought you'd say that." The man grinned and brushed a hand through his blond curly hair, which obviously wasn't his natural hair color.

"So who is it?"

"One Anthony D. DiNozzo. Such a shame. Young and pretty boy like him. Clearly good at what he does too. Don't kill him yet. Try to see first if he would join us. I saw that tiny little place where he lives. Surely he could use some extra cash."

_Of all people_... Frank sighed. "You can forget him joining you, Teddy. Hell will freeze first before that stupid kid with his ideals would do something against his own morals. He's too good for his own well being."

"I thought we weren't using names?" 'Teddy' laughed at the red face of the man sitting in front of him. "Relax. There is no one here to listen to us. Isn't that right, Dorothy?" He looked at the waitress cleaning the floor. The three of them indeed were the only ones in there.

"My name is Olga and you know it, _Theodore_ ," the older woman answered with a heavy accent.

"Could've fooled me. You look like Dorothy to me."

"Like I said, I will deal with it... Tell him that," Frank snapped and then he stood up, realizing with dread that he had stepped into one of the places owned by the 'boss'. Making sure to be ready for any sneak attacks, he couldn't get away from the place fast enough.

* * *

He was standing in front of the door with a heavy heart and as he was about to ring the doorbell, the door opened.

"Tony, man! You're back already? You should've called me and— Oh, right. Your phone... Come on in. I've got it for you."

Tony followed his partner inside, trying to figure out how to deal with this. Should he do it the same way he had done in the dream? That one hadn't ended well for Danny...

Danny was searching around in his living room. "I know I put it somewhere in here... Ah!" With a victorious smile on his face, he gave the phone to Tony, who tucked it in his pocket without a word. The smile on Danny's face died a second later as he took in the pained and almost bitter look on Tony's face. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"You could say so..." Tony started pacing around the room.

"You're scaring me... What happened? Did something happen with that Agent? Or is it Wendy?"

Tony barked a laughter. "No. It's not Wendy. We're not even together anymore."

"What..? Since when..?"

"Don't look so surprised, when you obviously knew about her little 'side adventures' when I wasn't there. That wasn't the reason for our breakup though... Although it would've been nice to know sooner."

"Man... Look... I'm really sorry... I knew how much you love her and as far as I know, she stopped seeing that guy after she was caught by me... I know you must be feeling angry right now, but I really only thought what would be best for you."

It was at the tip of his tongue to let the man know exactly what he though of 'his best', but Tony held his peace. "You're right. I am angry... And disappointed. In you. But it has nothing to do with Wendy."

Danny looked confused and taking a swig from the drink in his hand, he sat down on the couch, an uncertain smile on his face. "Well, now you're only hurting my feelings."

Tony stopped pacing and stared at his partner with his arms crossed over his chest. "I know, Danny."

The man frowned. "Know what?"

"I mean I _know_. I guess you really couldn't fight the temptation of easy money, could you? Don't get me wrong, I do understand you. The temptation and how strong it can be. With our paycheck, it can sometimes get a little hard living a comfortable life. But the fact is, you're a cop! People put their trust in you to keep those scumbags off the streets!"

Danny had listened his partner talking, with almost stone like face, as he played with the glass he was holding. His face looked pale and almost ill.

"I don't know. Maybe it's just me then? I'm so stupid that I miss something this important when it's happening right under my nose? _Twice_. You'd think I would have learned my lesson by now." Tony almost laughed, but remained bitter instead. "Why would you do it? Please don't tell me it indeed is just that: _The money_."

"It is what it is, Tony... You wouldn't understand my position. Sure you don't use it, but _you've_ got the money. You were given the choice. I don't have it. Never had and never will."

"What's really going on, Danny? Why do you need so much money? And you're right, I don't even touch the money I was given. Yet I've done just fine. Even with that debt from my years as a student. Especially after I changed my choice of career. I don't live over my needs and every once in a while I can let myself have something nice."

Danny didn't even look at him, which both frustrated and angered him at the same time.

"Or is it about something else entirely? Do you _like_ joining the bad guys? Those whom we're supposed to lock up, to make the world just a little bit better place."

"It's nothing like that... You wouldn't understand..."

"You keep saying that. What is it that you think I wouldn't understand?" Tony softened the look on his face, although it did take some effort. "What's really going on? I know there are other people involved in this also..."

"Other people?" This time Danny showed almost naked confusion. He had no idea what Tony was talking about and somehow that was what finally killed the heat of anger.

"So you really don't know..."

The two men stared at each other in silence for a long time. It felt like after the truth was out, each word was heavy and exhausting to speak out.

"So what are you going to do now then?" Danny finally asked. "I assume you've got some type of evidence or we wouldn't be talking like this."

"24 hours. I will give you 24 hours to turn yourself in and after that I will make sure to send the evidence forward. I've looked the other way in the past and I know it never ends well... I can't do it again... Can't leave you just hanging there on your own, until you get in way too deep and it really is too late..."

"Tony... I really can't..."

"24 hours. If it wasn't you, I would have done it already. But I'm giving you the chance to redeem yourself before it's too late, and possibly get a much smaller punishment. I will even talk for you in front of the judges if it goes that far. And if you're really in some kind of trouble with money, I will personally use my own money, _that money_ , to help you out. 24 hours, Danny."

Danny stared at the glass in his hands silently before standing up. "I'll... take a walk... I'll think about it. If you're still here by the time I come back, then I can hopefully give you my answer then..." He finally faced his partner's eyes properly, shame written all over his face. "I'm really sorry... I didn't want this to end like this... It wasn't supposed to go this far..."

When the man left, Tony stood by the window and stared after Danny until he couldn't see him any longer. He hated how much this ending reminded him of his dream. Rubbing his left shoulder gently, as a substitute for scratching it, he sat down on the couch. He would wait this time. Full 24 hours if he'd have to.

Much later, still sitting in the living room and the clock on the wall was finally showing that Danny had been gone for nearly an hour. Starting to get at the same time worried and angry, Tony stood up and started pacing around the room again. He truly hoped the man wasn't about to run away or anything. It was starting to get really late too. "Don't do this, man... Don't run..."

Hearing something, Tony grabbed his gun out of reflex. He had to hold back a groan at the way the sudden move made his wounded shoulder hurt. Hoping that his reflexes were working just fine, Tony pointed his gun at the door. Maybe it was Danny, he thought, but in his gut he knew that would not be the case. Slowly, as if trying the door to see whether it was open or not, the door opened.

"What..? You followed me again?" Tony lowered his gun and finally put it away.

"Something like that."

"This must be some hobby of yours, Gibbs..." It was strange... Although the timing was different and the situation had its differences too, it was like so many times before. Watching as the two realities were colliding. At least he didn't throw up this time. All he got was a passing headache. "I know you don't lock up your door and you're letting pretty much anyone just walk in as they please, but I don't think Danny would be too happy to know how you're just marching in like you own the place."

"Saw you come in and your partner leaving an hour ago. Started getting worried that something happened to you."

"You're stalking me? And why would something have happened to me?"

"My gut."

"Is that the reason why I keep 'running into you'?"

"I'm never one to ignore what my gut is telling me, DiNozzo."

"You'd be surprised..." Tony mumbled. He hesitated for a moment before asking. "So how much did you read before I stopped you?" He was referring to those files Gibbs had seen in his kitchen.

"Enough to know that this case can become much bigger than you think it is. My gut agrees with me."

"Is that the reason you've invaded my couch? This will be now what? Second night?" Tony barely avoided telling he knew what the end results of this case would most likely be. Unless of course this was one of the few things that would end up being different from the dream... Then he might be screwed indeed... "So what does your famous gut tell you now then?"

Gibbs didn't get the chance to answer as both men heard a sudden noise, just barely before the first bullets hit through the window to where they'd been standing. Dropping down on the floor for some kind of cover, they both had their weapons out before either had time to even take their next breath, just waiting for the shooting to stop long enough to make their own move.

Gibbs was crouching behind the bookcase, which he had at some point moved enough from the wall to give him temporary hiding place and a small cover. He looked toward where Tony had stood, letting out a breath of relief when he saw him crouched down behind the couch, then frowned when he saw the look of pain. After a moment of observing, he realized it had to be the shoulder with the bullet wound. _Just perfect_... He hoped that wouldn't be giving them any trouble for now. Once more he cursed the stubborn man for not wearing his sling either. That was yet another head slap worthy action...

Tony looked toward Gibbs and when he was sure he got the man's attention, he held up his gun and pointed toward the window where the shots had come from. It was suddenly silent. Also dangerous, since there was no way to tell where the enemy was now, or how close. Gibbs was surprised how even without any words—and a whole lot of anything else—he could understand perfectly the other man's message. Nodding his head in agreement, he started half crawling toward the window, with Tony following him closely behind. They had barely even peeked outside the window, when the shooting started again.

"You doing okay, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked and then he flinched, seeing how another bullet barely missed Tony. They were lucky those shooters obviously didn't know how to handle their weapons. By now the whole neighborhood had to be awake.

"Terrific," Tony answered and as he started getting tired of staying low because of some invisible shooter, he saw the look on the older man's face. Nodding his answer to the unsaid question, he crawled to the backdoor with Gibbs. It was hard with his other arm out of job right now. Opening the door, they were prepared to face another shooter and their suspicions were confirmed almost immediately. They were surrounded.

"On the count of three?" Tony asked, but Gibbs simply dashed outside, avoiding bullets as if his bad knee wasn't giving him any trouble at all, while Tony covered for him. Although he was no sniper and his left shoulder was giving him a hard time, every shot of his was accurate and soon enough there was heard a cry of pain from somewhere in the darkness.

The moment Gibbs was safely outside, in a much better place for both cover and where he could see the area around himself well enough, covering for Tony he made sure the other man made it to his own spot farther away.

Suddenly the shooting stopped again and it was for a moment almost deadly silent. Although somewhere dogs were barking and a baby was crying. A reminder of where they were.

Tony pointed with his head toward the barely visible trashcans in the dark alley and Gibbs answered to it by simply aiming there with his weapon as he'd have the best chance of getting the shot right on the 'target'. Sure enough, as soon as he fired his gun, another cry of pain was heard and they heard someone crashing against those trashcans. It was soon followed by the sound of several police cars finally arriving on the scene.

* * *

"How on earth did this happen?" A young police officer shook his head, looking at Danny's place, which was now looking more like a Swiss cheese than a place to live.

"You tell me. Have you seen or heard from Danny?"

"No, I haven't. Should I?"

"I'm really getting worried now..." Tony murmured, turning toward Gibbs who had somehow managed to find himself coffee. "I haven't heard from him since he left for a 'walk' and he left his phone home. Some guys show up to most likely kill him and he is still gone. I really don't like this..."

A sound of a long whistle was heard as another, much older, Detective stepped over the broken glass on the floor. "Someone sure brought the big guns with them... Now this will be what I think when the word overkill is used."

"They sure did. Sorry if this ruined your plans for tonight, Mark."

"Oh, who needs sleep? Right?" Mark smirked. He was one of the few from the work who sometimes spent time outside the work with Tony. "My wife is going to kill me though. Our daughter with her husband and our first grandchild came to visit us."

"Ouch. I'm so sorry... Hey, have you heard anything from Danny?"

"Not since he left work few hours ago... Why? Did something happen? Other than the obvious, someone murdering his home."

"I don't know... And that's the thing. I haven't heard from him ever since he went for a walk. Sure, he's a cop and probably armed, but... I hope we won't end up finding his dead body. Our dead guys are not going to be much help either... Prison tattoos and they look like the kind of men you'd want to hire to take someone out for you..."

"There were two of them?" Mark asked and watched as their people were starting to be finished doing their job inside the house.

"Three or four as far as the shooting goes," Gibbs spoke.

"Who is this?" Mark looked from Gibbs to Tony.

"He's my bo... He's Agent Gibbs from NCIS." Tony had nearly bitten his tongue off when he almost called Gibbs his boss in front of all these people.

"I'm Detective Mark Walter Booker." Mark reached out his hand for Gibbs to shake, but when he was ignored by the Agent, he let his hand drop down. Giving his young colleague a questioning look, he got apologetic shrug from Tony.

Gibbs didn't blink his eye. It was obvious that he wanted to bark out his usual orders and do things his own way. Tony was amused how Gibbs kept fidgeting and impressed how the man had surprising amount of self-control for _not_ trying to bark his orders around. Then again perhaps Gibbs knew if he'd do that, Mark would simply laugh at his face and then cuff him outside the crime scene, if he really started giving them trouble... Gut feelings and all.

"This reminds me of the Hitchcock movie ' _The Birds_ '..." Tony muttered when they finally stepped outside in the dark and creepy atmosphere and a huge crowd of birds flew out of nowhere, barely missing their heads.

"Don't jinx us." Mark laughed nervously even as his eyes were twitching and moving around almost frantically in case of more such sneak attacks. He was known to having a small fear toward those creatures. Owls being the worst of them all. With them it went more toward phobia. ' _Creatures from hell_ ', was what he called them.

With a widening smirk Tony cleared his throat dramatically before quoting the movie. Even changing his voice. " _It's the end of the world_."

"Don't be surprised if your first day back at work is going to be less than pleasurable, DiNozzo," Mark warned, but his almost always warm brown eyes were smiling. That meant prankster in the form of Mark. His pranks were legendary and Tony had learned more than few from the man himself...

Walking back to his car, Tony kept running the events of the night in his head over and over again, trying to think if he had missed something. He came back with nothing. Opening the door and sitting inside the car, he couldn't possibly have missed the taped note against the steering wheel. Knowing for sure he had locked the car doors, Tony felt wary as he slowly took the note. There was address written down to it and a short but very telling message.

**' _You do care about what happens to your partner?_ '**

"What have you gotten yourself into, Danny..?" Turning the note over, he saw another message. Even more ominous than the first one.

**' _Curiosity killed the cat._ '**

Was _he_ meant to be the cat? Or Danny? Well, in that case it was good cats had nine lives... And how many of those had he already used..? Did his dream count..?

There was knocking against his car window. _Gibbs_. Tucking the note away quickly in the safety of his pocket, Tony unlocked the door.

"You telling me what's on your mind, DiNozzo, or do I have to become a mind reader as well?" Gibbs asked as he sat next to him.

"Why are you trying so hard to make this into your case, Gibbs? Can't you simply stop avoiding the subject and just tell me what you want? You know... This reminds me of something... How did it go... Oh yeah! ' _I'm sick of you playing games with me. Now start talking._ ' Sounds familiar?"

Gibbs grimaced in his mind. DiNozzo was right. Of course he was right, but to use his own words against him... Using his best glare, he was this time pleasantly surprised when the Detective faced it without so much as blinking an eye. "You're right..."

"I am?" Tony faked his shock.

"Don't make me repeat myself, DiNozzo. You're right. I should have said this while you were still in D.C. Maybe even while we were still here the first time."

"So tell me."

"I want you to come back with me."

"Back to where?"

"Back to D.C.. I want you to come work in there. I want you to watch my six while I watch yours." Gibbs hated how that sounded even in his own ears.

"Aww. Isn't that sweet? You want me to be your partner. Isn't that right?" Tony cooed, which irritated Gibbs to no end. It was ended with, more gentle than usual, head slap. "Hey..! My head is still not in top condition you know."

The older man looked somewhat startled by that. "You still have plenty of those waiting for you though."

"You're a cruel man... I thought you wanted me to come with you." Tony rubbed the back of his head.

"You coming then?"

"I feel honored that you want me of all people to watch your six. The invincible Gibbs. But the answer is no."

"DiNozzo..."

"The thing is, Gibbs... I have a very good reason to not go in there. Things you couldn't possibly understand... I'm protecting myself with this. Figured it was about time and not like anyone else is going to do it... You're a good man, Gibbs, but that's not always enough. Sometimes even the good men get lost on their way."

Gibbs was confused by the cryptic answer he got. "You know I'm not about to give up."

"I know that. Like I said, like a fox in a henhouse. Worst case scenario, you'll just keep trying to find excuses for me to be thrown into your loving care."

"You can bet your ass on that one, DiNozzo."

As Tony kept rubbing his left shoulder, Gibbs mentally head slapped the young man again. "You have two options right now... Either you get in my car and _I_ drive us back home or then you will let me drive your car back home."

"In your dreams. I'm not leaving my baby here and there's no way I'm handing her over to you."

"Ducky knows you're driving around with your car already? With your current condition and all? Does he know you're not using your sling? Again."

"That's playing dirty, Gibbs... Fine... But you kill her and there'll be a heavy price to pay..." Tony muttered as they switched places.

Just to get a little payback for more than few things, Tony decided to press that one button he knew would make the older man snap. "I heard the FBI is looking for new young agents—"

"No!" Gibbs growled, not realizing he was being played.


	17. Not Again, Not This

His heartbeats sounded too loud in his own ears and he was almost sure it was going to wake up the man sleeping in the living room. Not going to take any chances, Tony quietly opened his bedroom window and climbed out. He was grateful he only lived on the second floor. Even if he would fall down, he'd hardly die from it. Maybe. Although he had to admit that this wasn't as easy as it looked once you were trying it, and with only one arm. He was pretty sure James Bond would have succeeded without his arms _or_ legs.

 _Focus!_ he commanded himself when he nearly fell down again and his muscles protested at the harsh and sudden movement.

"You alright there, Tony?" his next door neighbor asked, looking out from her window. It should maybe worry him that his neighbors were used to him doing crazy things, like using his window as a door. He was no Spiderman, so it was something of a miracle he was yet to get seriously hurt during one of his many stunts. Then again his 'not seriously hurt' was pretty much the same as his ' _I'm fine_ '.

Wishing Gibbs would not wake up from any of this, he answered. "Just fine Mrs. Hayden. Good night and don't worry."

The moment his feet touched the steady ground, Tony didn't stay to kiss it. He ran to his car and drove off, with the note almost burning a hole in his pocket and the address memorized.

* * *

It was dark and quiet, but Tony wasn't fooled as he stepped inside the dark diner and his gun ready to be used. Another few steps and the room was bathing in sudden bright light, blinding him for a moment. A moment too long as he felt someone hitting the weapon from his hand.

"Tony!" It was Danny's voice. Good. So at least his partner was alive, for now. But when he was finally able to see again, Tony was horrified when he saw Danny, tied up to a chair and with a ticking bomb attached to him. That was not good.

"Well. Isn't this a touching moment for all of us? He _does_ care," a man spoke. He looked like he was thirty something. As far as Tony could see, he was the only bad guy there. Even if that was the case, he wasn't about to think they were that 'lucky'.

"Tony, I'm sorry. I really didn't know this could happen. I wasn't going to get you involved in my mess..."

"Danny... It's not..."

"He thinks this is about him. Why don't we explain the situation to him, Anthony. What do you think?"

"Who are you?" Tony turned his focus toward the man who had his gun.

"I suppose that is only fair... You can call me Teddy."

_Right_... Tony snorted. "What do you want from us?"

"Oh, it's simple actually. You really should've kept your investigator's nose and hands to your own business. My boss is very unhappy and wants you gone."

Danny was becoming more agitated as time went on. He was sweating, staring at the timer over his chest. He was about to go into a full panic mode. "Tony... man..."

Tony could barely keep his eyes off his partner, but the steady hand with the gun was making sure most of his focus was given to this Teddy guy who kept talking without a care in the world.

"I've been watching you for a while now, Anthony, and I hope we can come to an agreement. Your skills are too good to be wasted where you are now and you're still young. If you join us, you will have more money than you could ever see as a cop. Maybe buy yourself a nice little castle to live in, instead of that small little dump."

"I've sent men like you to both prison and hell, long enough to know not to make any kind of deal with you. Now get that thing off of him!" Tony was about to lose what was left of his self-control. There was barely a little over a minute left and the man just kept talking. Did he have a death wish?

"Why? What's the rush?" Teddy patted Danny's chin, then he walked toward Tony. "You've been warned, just so you know. Last chance to change your mind. No? Well, don't say I didn't warn you... Once you do chance your mind—and believe me you will—I'm sure you'll be able to find me. If not, I'll find you."

Before Tony had time to react, Teddy took painfully tight hold of his hurt shoulder, making him drop down on his knees in deep agonizing pain. "I hope you're not too attached to that old fool."

The last part was almost missed by Tony, who was trying to push away the pain and fight off the moment of dizziness.

"..ony! Tony!" Danny's voice brought his mind back to focus and, finally standing up again, Tony moved to his partner. Seeing the time, all he could do was let out one curse word as the timer went down to zero.

There was nothing. They were alive and nothing had happened. No flesh and bone tearing explosions, not even a concussion. In Tony's case, not another concussion.

"It's not real..." Tony let out a breath of relief as he quickly got rid of the 'bomb' and untied his partner who had been very close to wetting himself. Something he wasn't about to admit.

Danny's voice shook slightly when he was finally able to speak again. "I thought I was going to die... I really thought that this was it... This isn't anywhere near as cool as they make it look in the movies..."

"Yeah, well... We both almost did die..." Tony paused with a frown. "Technically, we did."

After that they couldn't have made it away from that place fast enough, which was why Tony barely even noticed and picked up his gun from the floor.

The car drive was almost too silent. Danny kept turning his head toward his partner, to say something, but he always changed his mind. Finally—after feeling like his voice wouldn't fail him—he spoke. "I've been thinking about what you said to me... And my near death experience was kind of an eye opener... You're right... We're supposed to keep the streets clean from people like that lunatic..."

Tony didn't say anything. He wasn't even sure _what_ to say.

"I'll do it... I'll turn myself in..."

"That's all I wanted to hear..." Tony smiled sadly, but it turned into grimace when Danny spoke again.

"Right now however, all I want and need is some sleep in my own bed..."

"Yeah, about that... We might be having a little problem..."

"Problem?"

"It might be better if you come to my place for now..."

* * *

"I still don't get it," Danny started as they parked near the building where Tony's apartment was. "Why go through all the trouble and in the end not even do anything?"

Making sure the car doors were locked properly, Tony frowned and stopped to think about that again. He'd been wondering that same thing, as soon as his brain cells were fully functioning again. "I don't know yet... But it sure wasn't for nothing. Maybe it was something he said or just my gut feeling, but I wouldn't say everything's good now."

"Hey, maybe you could give a call to your navy guy. Maybe they could help us out? He did practically kidnap you and made you work for them. What do you think? Tony?"

Tony had gone pale as it all suddenly clicked in place and then he took off running, not even hearing anything but the beating of his heart. He tasted blood in his mouth as he had bitten his own tongue. "Not this, not _this_!"

While he was till running, there was sudden explosion, blowing up about one third of the building and for sure his entire apartment. Although he was too far to get seriously hurt, he was still thrown back when the explosion went off.

Getting on his shaky feet and with pain as the last thing on his mind, Tony was going to run inside the burning building, but was stopped by Danny. On a normal day that wouldn't have been anywhere near enough strength to hold him there, but right now he was trapped in another time and place. He was back in that car when another explosion went off. With Gibbs in there and almost dying. He remembered how everything had changed after it for good. How close they _—he_ —had been to losing him. Then he was thrown back to present and it was as if there was a cold fist around his heart as he stared at the hot flames where his living room window was.

"No!" Finally getting free, Tony ran toward the flames. "Boss!"


	18. Nothing's Changed

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

_He was running like a madman. Only a moment ago he had seen the car disappear under water with Gibbs and that girl in it. He barely even registered the two dead guys behind him as he threw away his gun._

_If someone would later ask him what he was thinking in that moment, he wouldn't have any answer to give. Did he realize that his lungs should_ —could _—not handle this? Nothing mattered. Not all the moments he got nothing but indifference from his boss. Not all the cold words and looks. Not all the times he wasn't even head slapped anymore, and when he was it was harder than it used to be. Without even a pretense of fondness behind the already violent act.  
_

_Jumping in the freezing cold water—barely even remembering to take a deep breath before going under—he only knew he had to save them. Had to save his... his_ boss _. He really had to be more careful of what he was thinking...  
_

_As he finally saw the car and those piercing blue eyes, he knew. His own life didn't matter. The reason he even existed had to be because of him. For Gibbs. He'd do anything for him._

_He didn't know he looked like an angel in the eyes of the man trapped in that car and he never would._

* * *

He didn't feel the hotness of the fire as he ran. He didn't hear any voices, there were no sounds in his world right now. He only saw the angry flames as he jumped to dive in. His own life didn't matter. But then he was stopped by something. That invisible force had iron grip on him and started slowly pulling him away from the flames. Didn't matter how much he was fighting back. "Let me go! He's in there!"

Something hit the back of his head _hard_ and with that it was as if he was thrown back in the world of sounds and pain. "Snap out of it, DiNozzo!"

Still in a slight daze, Tony blinked his eyes and stared at the man looking at him with confusion and concern. "Gibbs?"

Furrowing his brows, Gibbs looked at the Detective. He still held Tony's arms with a strong grip and there would surely be huge bruises by tomorrow, but even with the healing wound Tony was stronger than he looked so Gibbs had to use all of his Marine strength he could muster out of himself, to stop the idiot from running into his certain death. "What is wrong with you!?" He was worried, but he knew he sounded angry. DiNozzo only stared at him with a blank expression on his pale face.

There was confusion in Tony's voice when he spoke and as he finally looked _—really_ looked—at Gibbs. "But you were... I thought... you died..."

"Well, _someone_ disappeared in the middle of the night so I went out to look for you." Gibbs _almost_ rolled his eyes. He was almost expecting to see the Detective embarrassed or throw in some smartass comment, but instead the man just kept staring at him with those glassy eyes. "DiNozzo... Do I have to head slap you again?"

"Get your hands off me." The low voice startled Gibbs and although he was still hesitating he let go. With some heavy swear words, Tony turned around and walked away from the scene with long and angry steps. He was stopped again, this time by Danny. He pushed away the hand on his arm and kept going, leaving his bemused partner staring after him.

A moment later Tony was sitting on a park bench where he could barely hear the first ambulance and fire truck driving toward the building. He didn't have to see it to know there wouldn't be left enough to save the building. Or not enough for it to be worth the trouble.

It had happened so easily, as if it was written down in his DNA code or something. ' _Save Gibbs and his unthankful ass, even if it means you'll end up in a body bag_.' It seemed that as far as the dream went, nothing's changed in the real world.

Swearing again, as he had done now and then ever since he left the scene, Tony rubbed his head with a sigh and grimaced when pain shot through his head like a bullet. "Seems like that's going to be your fate one day whether you like it or not, Anthony..."

"You talking to yourself now, DiNozzo?"

Giving the older man a sideways glance, Tony shrugged. "Not losing my mind if that's what you're thinking."

Sitting next to the Detective, Gibbs stared at the young couple kissing farther away, though he wasn't really focusing on them. Seeing how Tony kept rubbing his head made him feel almost guilty for head slapping someone who was still recovering from the concussion. _Almost._ "You gonna explain to me what you were trying to do, running into that building?"

"Not like I haven't done that before..." Tony mumbled, thinking about certain boy and his sister, whose voice he still could sometimes hear at night. _Stop it! Don't even go there now!_ he commanded himself. He sure wasn't in the mood for another walk through the memory lane. Not when most of his memories were not that good anyway.

Gibbs raised his eyebrows. "Something I should know?"

"It's my fault. It's my fault this happened..."

Gibbs simply glared. "What happened?" he finally asked. It took Tony good ten and half seconds to decide whether to talk or not, before he finally gave up with a suffering sigh. Gibbs tried not to show the triumphant look on his face.

"When we left Danny's place... There was a note in my car for me..." Ignoring the scowl he got from Gibbs, Tony took out the note, which was still in his pocket, and gave it to the man. Too deep in his thoughts, he didn't even notice how it soon after disappeared in the man's own pocket.

"I wasn't going to put anyone else in danger and I don't exactly trust anyone at work right now and I didn't have any time to waste... So I waited... As soon as you fell asleep I left... I found Danny. With a bomb on him and tied up. I'm going to have nightmares of this whole thing for years I'm sure..." He swallowed, pushing away the memory of Danny for now. "There was this guy... It was his words that made me realize you were supposed to be killed in that explosion... As some sort of warning for me I suppose... As if that bomb strapped to my partner wasn't enough... Thank God it wasn't a real one or he and I would both be nothing but bloody pieces of body parts now..."

Again, ignoring that scowl he received from Gibbs, Tony avoided looking at him. "You really should go home Gibbs... It's not your problem and I really don't want you to get involved in our problems."

"Not my problem? I'm pretty sure it is my problem. Or are you trying to say that me almost getting killed has nothing to do with me?" Gibbs left out the fact that he would stick around either way.

Frowning, Tony turned to look at the man. There was familiar glint in the older man's eyes, which made him almost visibly shiver. He knew that look. Gibbs was ready to go and sniper kill someone and he sure didn't want to be the one the former Marine was mad at. He _hoped_ he wasn't the one.

Although he knew that now of all times there was no use trying to talk the man out of stalking him around, Tony was willing to push his luck further. "That's the very reason you have to leave, Gibbs. Before you get even more involved. I don't want to explain to Ducky and Abby how you ended up dead because of me. Your little goth girl already has something against me."

"DiNozzo..."

"I know it was stupid of me to do stuff like that in the first place, with no backup and all. My gut told me it would not end well had I called my boss. What matters is that none of us ended up dead."

"DiNozzo!"

"What?"

Gibbs gave him his infamous glare.

"Shutting up..." Tony flinched at his meek and almost submissive tone. He had barely stopped himself from adding ' _boss_ '.

"If you would have allowed me to come as your backup, DiNozzo, we might've gotten the bastard who did all this. Had this guy wanted you and your partner dead, you would be. So you better start listening to me now."

Not looking at Gibbs, Tony rolled his eyes.

"DiNozzo!"

"I'm listening..." Again that meek way of responding. Tony cursed inwardly.

"Never do anything so foolish, with no backup, ever again. I'm starting to wonder how you got your badge if you do things like this."

Tony couldn't stop the flinch at the words, which hit him hard. Of all things to hit him with... He answered without thinking. "Like you're one to talk..."

"You said something, DiNozzo?" Gibbs narrowed his eyes. Knowing full well he is not really one to talk, but he wasn't about to let some _kid_ like this one here to run to his own death. A kid with too much potential to simply throw his life away.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe I've just heard from people how you go running into dangerous situations, _with no backup_ , all the time," Tony said with bitterness. Several moments like that came to his mind. Dream or not, it was obvious that this Gibbs was no different and he _had_ heard from people how the man did some crazy one man Marine gone crazy stunts way more than enough. It was now obvious that just like in the dream, Gibbs himself could do whatever he wanted, but if someone else did the same... He was indeed ' _do as I tell you and not as I do_ ' man.

"What's your problem with me, DiNozzo? I mean really, what is it?" Gibbs snapped and Tony found himself getting lost once again in another time and another place.

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

" _What's your problem, DiNozzo!?" Gibbs barked as soon as the elevator stopped moving. He looked at the younger man standing next to him. Showing no emotions on his face and arms crossed over his chest, in almost defensive manner._

_Tony didn't look at his boss. He couldn't. Maybe because he felt betrayed, once again. Or maybe it was because of the very public stripping down Gibbs had done to him in the bullpen. Or maybe it was the fact that once again this man—his sort of father figure and hero—had gone on his own and without any backup on some one man mission and almost got killed. Both him and the girl. Or maybe it was this new case with the little child. Or maybe it was something completely different. It wasn't like he wanted some public attaboy from his boss. Just a simple '_ thanks _' or '_ good work _' when no one else was looking would have been enough for him. Instead they kept going on with their daily lives as if nothing had happened. Well, almost._

" _DiNozzo!"_

" _Look, Gibbs... Can we not do this now?" Tony finally spoke. His voice was hoarse and he hoped, almost prayed, that he would not start coughing in front of Gibbs. If he did, he would not be able to stop it anytime soon. He'd most likely be blamed for trying to gain some pity points for rescuing the man and the girl Gibbs supposedly had been protecting._

" _I asked what is your problem!" Gibbs hit his fist against the elevator wall and Tony flinched at the booming sound it made._ " _If you defy my orders like that ever again, I might find the need to start looking for another Senior Field Agent!"_

_With his mouth almost a straight line, Tony kept himself from saying a few chosen words himself. He knew, he_ hoped _, Gibbs didn't mean what he said. This case was hard on everyone. Any case involving little children usually was._ " _I only hope you're not punishing me for going after you and Maddie, Gibbs. I did save you two."_

" _If you're expecting me to thank you..."_

Yeah, boss, that would actually be kind of nice... If not for you then for the poor girl _you_ almost got killed because of your own foolishness or pride or who knows what else _... It was what Tony said to the man in his head only._ " _Not talking about that, Gibbs. I'm only saying that I hope you're not mad at me for fixing the damage you let happen. And it's not me who has a problem with you, but instead you're having a problem with me._ I _wasn't treating you like some probie in front of the whole bullpen."_

" _DiNozzo..."_

" _I don't expect you to be all of a sudden the perfect boss or anything. I know you're a bastard and you're not going to change and I'm not asking for it. You should however at least try to respect me as your SFA in front of the other people. That's all I'm asking. If you don't, why would they?"  
_

_The only reply he got was a grunt, sideways glance and a long silence. "Let's get back to work."_

_Knowing that those words and the almost gentle hand against the back of his head was the best kind of 'apology' he'd get, Tony sighed and decided to forget the whole thing. The work_ was _more important right now. There was no time for any personal feelings._ " _Yeah... I bet probie and Ziva are starting to wonder if you finally killed me and are about to hide the body."_

_Gibbs had lopsided smile on his face and he shook his head almost fondly. Four hours later he took off on his own again. Tony said nothing when the man finally came back and Gibbs didn't look him in the eyes._

* * *

"Let's just say that I don't trust easily," Tony finally answered, seeing the almost frustrated look on Gibbs's face.

Opening his mouth to speak, Gibbs scowled in irritation when he was interrupted. _This_ _kid_...

"Let me make this short... Very short, Gibbs. Believe it or not." Choosing his words carefully, Tony started talking in almost monotone voice, keeping his personal feelings and emotions away, to not end up talking with a little bit too much 'passion'. If he allowed himself that much, he might reveal more than he wanted. "I had once hard time trusting people. Whenever I did put my trust on someone, they would betray me. Partner, fiancée, friends, family... All of them. One way or another, they would always find a way to do it. Then I met this old Marine bastard who was always watching my six. He became closer to me than anyone else had ever been. He made me trust someone again. For a very short while it was all too perfect to be true..."

And then things started to turn sour after Kate joined them. And when she died and Ziva came... Well, things went from occasional bad moments to downright cruel and dangerous.

"But if it seems too good to be true it usually isn't... Without a reason I was ever aware of, he turned his back on me. So now, here you are. One old Marine bastard who for some reason is trying to force himself into my life. When I walked away from those people in my past, I promised myself to never again trust anyone. To never trust anyone to watch my six ever again. It was the lesson I learned from that old Marine and my so called friends and partners. Learned it the hard way. And if you can't trust for _anyone_ to truly watch your back, it makes no difference whether I take some backup with me or not."

There was a flash of hurt and bitterness in Tony's eyes when he had finished talking, before it was gone faster than lightning, and Gibbs was frustrated and almost angry that he couldn't read this Detective.

"I may have learned to do a few stupid things from the people in my life and past..." _And dream_ , Tony added in his mind. "...but I'm good at what I do and no matter how many close calls I might have with me almost dying, I'm not that easy to kill. I knew what I signed up for when I decided to become a cop. I know I can die any day, any moment, and I'm fine with it. I made my peace with that possibility a long time ago. I may be a dead man walking, but I'm prepared to face the death when the time comes. The only thing that matters is that I do my work well and never let anyone down. There are people who count on me. All those victims and people who could become victims. _I_ could be one of those people, had I not decided to become a cop."

"You done, DiNozzo?"

"Yeah, I'm done—" Tony yelped and rubbed the back of his head. Gibbs really did not hold back with the head slaps now that he had gotten the sweet taste of it. Although it would be nice to not get another concussion so soon. "What was that for!?"

" _Never_..." Gibbs started, holding his finger up. He was pissed off for a reason he didn't even fully understand. "...talk like that again. I don't know _who_ has gotten such thoughts in your head, but _never_ think your life isn't just as important as the life of one of the victims out there. For that reason it's worth even more. If _you_ end up dead, then it's also at the cost of someone else's life because _you_ weren't there. Whoever made you think that running around with no backup is such a good idea, is the biggest fool I've heard of in a long time. Rule 5: ' _You don't waste good_ '."

For a moment Tony actually did feel like he was twenty-seven, instead of that forty something. He stared at Gibbs and then he started to laugh. Of all people to say those things to him... And then to add that rule 5 of his, of all the rules... Man, it hurt...

"Hey!" Gibbs barked.

"Sorry. It's just that... Oh, you have no idea..." Tony snickered and started imagining Gibbs meeting his dream self. ' _Hey, Gibbs. Meet Gibbs. Try not to kill each other.'_ It would be epic... And possibly scary, but there would be no way he'd want to miss seeing the outcome. "Oh, you really have no idea..."

"You think? If you don't stop doing that, I'm going to end up in ER for hurting my hand since I have to keep slapping your head."

The _head slaps_. There would be twice the amount with two Gibbs's around... Tony kept snickering, even though the very thought of that made his head hurt. Oh, right, his head _did_ hurt... He rubbed his head with a sigh. "Sorry. I was just imagining you meeting _him_. You know, the other Marine guy. It's never going to happen, but the end result would not be pretty. Knowing you two it would probably end with a World War or something. Like in the movie—"

"He's that much of a bastard?"

"Oh, he's so much worse. Let's just say it would be like you meeting yourself."

There was unreadable expression on the older man's face and then his eyes narrowed slightly. It couldn't be about _that_ , could it? All this because of some _dream_? No... No one would be holding such grudge against anyone because of a _dream_. Right? Gibbs raised his eyebrows when DiNozzo who was obviously deep in his own thoughts, kept snickering and smiling like a fool and then at times frowning, only to get that stupid smile on his face again. His fingers were itching to head slap DiNozzo again, but he wasn't about to be the reason for another concussion. Not so soon anyway.

"Come on, let's go now... It's cold outside and we both need some real sleep and then tomorrow _we_ will look into all of this with fresh minds." Gibbs made it clear that he wasn't going to stay out of this.

Tony, finally forgetting his imagery meeting between Gibbs and dream Gibbs, just stared at the man for a moment, weighting his options of how to get rid of him. The problem however was, he wasn't sure if getting rid of Gibbs truly was something he even wanted anymore. Did he really have to go through this again?

"Gibbs... Would you think I'm crazy if I told you—?" No... There was no way he could say anything to the man. Gibbs wasn't Ducky or Abby. The two who could easily accept something like this.

"If you told me what?" Gibbs asked. He knew that look and tone. He had seen and heard it before. Down at the morgue, right before DiNozzo told Ducky about that dream of his. To his great disappointment, Tony shook his head and smiled.

"Never mind. It's nothing."

Gibbs was almost shocked to see it for a first time happen like this, right before his eyes. One moment DiNozzo was looking down at his hands on his lap, with almost anguished expression. Then between his next two breaths he looked up, looking almost like a completely different man. Smiling, with slightly mischievous glint in his eyes. As if that previous look hadn't ever been there in the first place.

_What just happened_..?

"So I wonder what Danny thinks right now. I pretty much just took off after trying to barbecue myself and almost gave him a black eye. He's already thinking I've lost my mind, so this had to be the icing on the cake or something. I sure hope he hasn't already called the nice doctors to take me away."

Standing up, Tony took few steps away from the bench, but then he stopped. Without looking at the man following him like a shadow, he prayed for strength for what he was about to do. "I can't trust you and I can't do what you want, but... I'll think about it." He hoped Gibbs understood the message behind those words.

As he kept walking, Tony didn't have to see it to know there was almost smug smile on the older man's face.


	19. And Then There Was Morning

Returning to the scene, Gibbs walked farther away to make a phone call. Far enough so he couldn't be heard, but close enough so he could still see DiNozzo, who was now walking toward Danny.

"Tony!" Danny put away his phone, after trying to call his partner for the seventh time.

Tony waved his good hand uncertainly. "Hey, man... Look... I'm sorry how I... When you tried... You know..."

"It's fine. I understand..." Well, he didn't really, but that seemed like the right thing to say.

The two men looked uncomfortable with the touchy feel stuff so they tried to think something manly to say that would fix the mood.

"I was starting to wonder if I should start calling for some help since you were gone for a pretty long time and didn't pick up your phone," Danny finally said, only half jokingly.

"Battery is dead..."

"Oh..." Danny avoided eye contact with Gibbs since for whatever reason the Agent didn't seem to like him.

Leaning against his car, Tony watched as the firemen kept trying to put out the fire. Seeing an ambulance driving past them with the sirens on, he realized something. "Hey... Did... anyone get hurt or die?" Tony felt sick for only now realizing that there were other people too besides Gibbs.

Danny looked at him. "Few died and some are badly injured... Rest of the people have surprisingly only minor injuries..."

Closing his eyes, Tony took a few deep breaths. "It's my—"

"It wasn't your fault... This happened because I got in way too deep without even knowing it and you found out... You were right, man... We _are_ supposed to keep things like these from happening... I forgot who I was and now look at what happened... _I'm_ the one who let all these people down... Their deaths, injuries and loss is on me, Tony. Not you. Me."

He knew he could easily let his partner blame himself, but even if he did have a small part in it, Tony knew better. Not just from his dream, but from the evidence he had managed to gather so far. Frank Raimey was the bigger fish here and by the looks of things, this thing was starting to be far bigger than it seemed at first glance. He couldn't help but wonder if it had been that way in his dream also.

Ducky was right. He really had to stop letting his messed up head, mixed with anger, control his actions. He had to start thinking like a cop again. Before anyone else ended up dead or hurt...

"Danny... I think you should know something... About Frank..."

While the detectives were talking, Gibbs took out his phone. Oh how he hated himself for having to do this, but he wasn't going to let DiNozzo go and do anything on his own again. He had to wait a long time for the man he was calling to pick up his phone. Ignoring the angry ' _what kind of time is this to call a working man who needs his sleep_ ', he spoke. "I need a favor..."

Meanwhile, observing all the action going on from farther away, was Teddy. Smoking his cigar he looked almost like your classic villain if you ignored his hair. Sitting on the roof of someone's car, he watched the building burn. Even from there he could feel the heat.

His boss was not going to be happy with him. Not only did he _not_ kill the threat, but he also failed at killing the one man he actually _had_ been trying to kill. Then again he'd seen something interesting and he still couldn't shake off the feeling that with Anthony DiNozzo on their side they would be very fortunate indeed. _He_ would be fortunate. So much hidden potential and he was still just a kid. Easier to mold into one of them than any of those old farts—and their kids—who were already in the family. Seeing as that generation was starting to die off one by one, it was obvious they had to bring in some new blood to keep the next one strong.

Having observed both Anthony and the older man with him, Teddy had gotten such impression that they weren't close. However, the way the Detective tried to run into his own death for that man... Not even his own partner with a bomb strapped on had gotten out such a strong reaction. He had no idea what type of relationship those two men shared. They didn't seem to be getting along at all and yet the older man—who looked like a former Marine—was following the younger man around like some watchdog and the Detective would lose his mind the moment something bad would happen to the other man.

Watching another police car drive past him, Teddy felt growing disdain. All those people out and no one even _noticed_ him? All those cops and not even one of them saw anything off about him. He might've as well walked around carrying a bomb and they would've still walked past him. He was feeling irritated, until his eyes landed on the three people who were standing away from everyone else. He felt that familiar excitement fill him again when Anthony's eyes spotted him. Grinning, he waved his hand. His mood had suddenly improved greatly.

As he had finished talking about the evidence he had against their boss, Tony felt someone staring at him and he turned around sharply. There, in the darkness, so he could only barely see a man sitting on some car. Call it his gut feeling or whatever, but he knew without even seeing who it was. Of course the ugly blond hair against the dark background helped.

"Tony?" Danny stared as his partner took off running, completely ignoring the pain that shot through his hurt shoulder when he ran as fast as he could, using both his arms to gain more speed. Hesitating only few seconds, until he saw Tony taking out his gun, Danny followed after him. He _was_ still Tony's partner and cursed be he if he didn't watch his back!

Gibbs, having barely finished his call, didn't even hesitate to followed them, grimacing as his bad knee was protesting against the sudden movement.

Being far faster than the other two could ever hope to be, Tony made it to the man who was now standing next to the car, still smoking and having never even tried to escape.

"You have some _nerve_..." Tony hissed under his breath while pointing his gun at the man who had that infuriating smug grin on his face.

"No, Anthony... You're not going to kill me."

"Give me _one_ reason why I wouldn't! Shockingly I can't find one reason not to!"

"You won't kill me because there's still too much cop in you and after I left your gun on the floor, did you take time to check it? I would imagine with all the excitement today, you've forgotten to do that. It's empty."

Feeling chills run through his back, Tony aimed the gun toward Teddy's left shoulder to shoot him, only to realize the man had told him the truth. Of course, he should've known just from the weight alone... Cursing inwardly, Tony took one step back as there was suddenly a fully loaded and working gun pointed at him.

"Relax, Anthony. It's not in my plans to kill you. I need you."

"I'm not joining you."

Teddy simply laughed and pushed the gun hard against the hurt shoulder, making Tony involuntarily wince. As soon as he was able to fully focus again, the man was gone and both Gibbs and Danny had finally made it to him.

"What happened?" Danny asked, gasping for his breath.

"Teddy..." Tony said and his partner paled, still remembering vividly the fake bomb incident.

"Who?" Gibbs asked, looking around with a gun in his hand, trying to spot whatever had made Tony run there like that.

"The slimeball who kidnapped Danny and tried to kill you..."

"Calls himself Teddy and for some reason he wants Tony to—"

Tony interrupted before Danny went on to say more than he wanted Gibbs to know, not yet at least. Not when he was already feeling more than a little uncomfortable with the whole situation. "How did he kidnap you in the first place? After all, you are armed cop..." He eyed his partner curiously.

Danny looked ashamed. "Ah... It was embarrassing really... Got distracted by a pretty woman and the next thing I know I'm waking up in that place..."

Seeing the look on Gibbs's face, Tony decided to compromise and give part of the truth. "Seems that both Danny's and our boss's case links directly to Teddy's boss. Whoever that is. I'm supposed to stay away from investigating even further, but I already know too much to stay out of this... I'm going to make sure this case will be picket up by the IA. There's no way I'm going to close my eyes and walk away."

Gibbs snorted. He'd be more surprised if DiNozzo _did_ decide to walk away.

Looking at Gibbs, Tony grinned cheekily. "I suppose we should go and find some place to sleep or get you some coffee, before you start going through withdrawal."

Gibbs's reply was to throw a pointed glare at DiNozzo, which made Danny shift nervously, but the cocky looking partner of his only grinned wider.

"Coffee it is then." Tony chuckled. He knew he was stepping on the dangerous path now, to be even thinking about joining the NCIS and working with Gibbs 'again'. Maybe he'd give it a couple of years and then move on... That would have been the smart thing to do 'last time' also.

As they walked back toward his car, Tony walked few steps behind them. The previous laughter in his eyes and smile on his face were gone as if someone had put the lights out. It was always too easy to take on a certain role and almost automatically he was starting to assume his role as Anthony DiNozzo, the goofball. "You never learn, do you..?"

He hadn't even realized he spoke out loud, until he saw Danny looking at him over his shoulder. Grinning, Tony shrugged and kept walking. With his good hand holding his hurt one, he stared at the back of one Special Agent. The older man's whole posture was tense for some reason. Perhaps he'll tweak that persona of his just a little bit..?

Looking over his shoulder, Tony thought he saw someone watching him again, but when he looked closer he saw no one. He must be getting paranoid, not that anyone could fault him for that... Even so, he felt safer when his fingers brushed over one of the hidden knives of his. He should get another gun soon... Lord knows in what condition his backup gun was in that apartment of his...

* * *

Danny shifted in his sleep restlessly before he continued his snoring. No doubt the poor guy went through the traumatizing events of the day—or night—in his dreams.

Once again making sure his weapon was in perfect shooting condition, Tony went back to polishing one of the knives. He'd been sharpening a couple of them earlier, which had made Danny nervous, but Gibbs unsurprisingly merely raised his eyebrows before disappearing somewhere. Most likely to find some 'real' coffee to satisfy his 'delicate' needs.

Seeing the first rays of sun from the cheap motel room window, Tony held back another yawn. He had felt it to be pointless trying to get any sleep with only few hours left of the night, so here he was. Sitting on his bed and ready to jump on anyone trying to kill him or those with him.

As he held the now overly shiny knife against the sunlight, Tony was thrown back in the many memories from his dream again. By now he was more than used to it so he simply went back to polishing his knives, letting the memories wash over him like it was the most normal thing to happen.

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

" _You do realize I can kill you—"_

_Tony finished the sentence with an eye roll._ " _—using nothing but paper clips. I think we got the memo years ago, Ziva."_

_For a moment the Israeli stopped playing with the knife she was holding in her hands as she stared at him. Putting it down, she stood up and walked to Tony's desk like a wild beast moving toward her prey. With both her palms against the desk, she leaned over him._ " _I was saying... I do not like how you left me deal with that disturbed woman."_

" _Distressed, Ziva. The poor woman was distressed. And you know very well I needed to go to the bathroom. Since we could not leave our witness without protection and there was no one else around and I am your boss whenever Gibbs isn't around, that meant you were the only option. It's called following orders and doing your job." He didn't even realize how very Gibbs like he had sounded just then, not until much later._

_Narrowing her eyes, she smiled dangerously. "Ah. So you are telling me it was not for revenge?"_

_Looking up from his paperwork, Tony finally looked the woman in the eyes, but with a blank look. He knew it irritated her to no end how after all this time she was still not able to read him._ " _Revenge for what? Are you referring to some specific moment? You should know by now that my kind of revenge is using superglue or something much more creative. Unlike_ some _people,_ _I_ _can be professional while doing my work."_

_His unsaid accusation didn't go unnoticed by the Israeli who was at this point looking like she'd want to straight out strangle him. Thank God they were in the middle of the bullpen or who knows what might have happened. Remembering several other moments where they had been alone—which usually ended up with him getting hurt—Tony had to fight back to not show how much he truly hated having this woman towering over him as she did right now. Inwardly he laughed. Anthony DiNozzo, the ladies man, was scared to death by some woman. Okay, maybe not scared to death, but he did at the very least feel uneasy whenever he had to deal with Ziva alone.  
_

" _I am talking about the little joke McGee and I did. You can be such a child sometimes, Tony."_

_Making a show of putting down the papers he'd been reading—with a dramatic sigh—Tony leaned back on his chair and raised his feet on the desk. Taking out a doughnut, which was also his first proper meal that day, he started eating while talking with a calm voice between the bites._ " _And I was laughing. It was the joke of the year. Why wouldn't anyone laugh when your partners leave you without a backup? It was_ so _funny."_

" _It has been weeks now. Will you stop sulking?"_

_One older Agent walked past them, looking at Tony worriedly, asking with his eyes only whether the younger man needed some help. Tony simply returned the gaze and during those few seconds they held a conversation between them, which was almost as good as it used to be between him and Gibbs. Turning his attention back to Ziva, Tony put down his half eaten doughnut._

" _We have gone through a couple of hard cases and you only notice how I'm not in a happy mood? Should I be worried? I mean Gibbs has been more of a bastard than usual and McGreen has looked rather ill lately and Abby is in a funeral mood. And you know I don't mean that in a good way. Even Ducky hasn't been sharing his stories with us for a couple of days now. Yet it's_ me _you're focusing on instead of solving the case? Don't get me wrong, I am feeling flattered..." Tony flashed his trademark grin and waggled his eyebrows._

_Leaning farther over the desk, Ziva almost purred as she was about to say something, but Tony didn't miss the dangerous glint in her eyes. Hell would freeze over before he'd date this woman. He didn't have a death wish.  
_

" _...but I would rather have you put all that extra attention and energy on the case instead of harassing me, miss David. Unless you want Gibbs to kill both of us," he finished before Ziva had time to say whatever it was she would've said to him. He didn't even want to know.  
_

_Ziva's eyes narrowed and Tony didn't miss that for a split second her eyes spotted the paper clip on one of the papers on his desk._

" _If you two have time to flirt, you have time to solve the case."_

_When had Gibbs and McGee returned? Tony blinked out of his half daze and dropped down his feet from the desk and went back to reading the papers. "On it, boss," he said and didn't look up when Ziva returned to her own desk, with a muttered '_ yes Gibbs _'._

_He didn't have to look up to know his boss had walked next to him. "Rule 12, I know it boss."_ Not that it is any of your business _, he added in his mind. If he'd truly fall in love with one of the agents in here, he_ would _date that person. He wasn't however stupid enough to even try anything meaningless with someone he worked this closely with. It was already hard enough at days such as these without any added stress and it was always easier to not have to see the women he used to date if it for some reason wouldn't work out and ended badly. Even if he usually was still in friendly terms with most of his ex-girlfriends...  
_

" _Good..." was Gibbs's grunted reply before he returned to his own chair._

_Tony smiled at the steaming hot coffee he now saw on his desk and he took the mug, with a nod of thanks to Gibbs._

" _Tony!" It was Ziva's angry voice as she was desperately trying to pull her superglued knife off her desk._

_As they all turned their accusing eyes on him, Tony had the most innocent look on his face and shrugged. "What? Wasn't me._ You _saw it, Ziva. I was sitting on this chair the whole time when_ that _could have happened."_

" _I know it was you! I do not know how, but it was you!"_

" _Back to work! All of you!" Gibbs barked and the agents obeyed the command. For a moment there was heard angry muttering in Hebrew before silence took over their working area._

_Taking a sip of the coffee, which was exactly the kind he liked, Tony hid his smile behind the papers. When no one saw, he winked at that older Agent walking by again, who had a grin of his own. The man was holding out a tube of superglue for Tony to see and he had to hold back a laugh. Not even Gibbs really understood how good it was to get allies among the least noticed people... The ones many looked down on, when they were noticed. At the end of the day_ they _were the most useful ones and not someone with a high fancy degree in his pocket..._

_After Tony nodded his thanks, both men went back to their work. Leaving a furious Mossad woman trying to get her knife off the desk every few minutes, only to stop at Gibbs's barked orders._

_Looking up, with a smile still on his face, Tony spoke. "Hey boss. I think our witness is lying to us... Big time... Think Mount Everest."_

* * *

Back in present time, Tony wasn't smiling. The next day the tires of his car were slashed and he didn't even have to start looking for the culprit. The overly smug grin on Ziva's face had been a clue enough. When women wanted revenge it was rarely pretty, but with Ziva in question he probably was lucky it had been his car to receive the treatment and not him.

Stopping his polishing, Tony frowned. What if she was just as real as Gibbs was? Would he meet her also? Squeezing the knife in his hand, another face appeared in his mind. _Kate_. What about her? As much as she had been able to cut deep with her words and behavior sometimes... He had actually liked her. Most of the times. She was like that annoying older sister he never wanted, but wouldn't trade away if he did... Or the girl next door you grew up with and couldn't help but tease and she would be one who would fight dirty to not lose in that game... Very dirty...

Another realization hit him as he stood up and walked over to the window, where he looked at the sunrise. It was a new morning. Had the sunrise always looked so beautiful?

" _'_ _Fate has a nasty way of popping up and waggling it's long, bony finger under your nose. Sometimes it's a squeaker at 70 miles an hour. Sometimes it's a plane you missed that never makes it back from the Bermuda Triangle. But whatever it is, you always get the message: It's time to stop taking your good luck for granted.'_ It's from Magnum P.I., Gibbs. But of course you have no idea what I'm talking about..." Tony chuckled, turning around to face Gibbs who had stepped in the room with two mugs of steaming hot coffee.

Raising his eyebrow, Gibbs shrugged and handed over the other mug to the Detective.

"What? No coffee for Danny?" Tony took the coffee and almost grimaced at the taste. He'd never get used to drinking coffee when it was Gibbs's kind of coffee... Although he had to admit, it did the job...

Gibbs shrugged. "He's sleeping... Doesn't need it..."

Shaking his head, Tony turned his face back toward the sunrise. He wasn't even feeling nervous when turning his back toward the former Marine. "I've been thinking... I've now been in Baltimore for couple of years... Might be time for me to move to some place new..."

"You afraid of something, DiNozzo?" Stepping next to the young man, Gibbs glanced at him with that half-smile on his face. He wasn't even expecting to get a straight or even honest answer, so he was surprised when the man spoke again.

"Yeah. I'm kind of afraid to put my trust on anyone right now."

"Hey... Whatever has happened in your past, I _will_ watch your six." Gibbs knew he meant every word and hoped the man would believe him or at least let him prove it.

There was almost sad smile on Tony's face when he looked at him. "I know _you_ will watch it, Gibbs... But sometimes bad things hit us when we least expect it and someone or something comes along and destroys everything. You may not have a choice but to leave me without the safety of a partner watching my back sometimes."

"I won't let that happen!" Gibbs snapped and lowered his voice when Danny let out distressed sound in his sleep. "There's no way I will endanger the life of anyone working with me, DiNozzo." As much as he tried to show how much he meant what he said with both his words and even eyes, that sad smile didn't disappear. He could only wonder what had happened to put that look there.

Looking at the young man who looked more like some kid than a man who was a mere few years from turning thirty, Gibbs was once again surprised when he looked in those eyes. They weren't the eyes of a young man. They were the eyes of a much older man. Then there were also those rare moments when they were the eyes of a child and times when there was nothing but pure emptiness. Like a body without a soul residing in it. Never the eyes of a young man though. It was yet another puzzling thing to think about.

Right now there was a distant look in Tony's eyes and Gibbs realized that the man might not have even heard his last words to him. Giving a soft head slap, like it was second nature to him already, Gibbs stared as DiNozzo blinked his eyes. "I said, I will be watching your six. Are you listening to me, DiNozzo?"

There was a flash of pain in the too bright green eyes, before it was transformed into a brilliant smile. "Yeah. I'm listening, boss."


	20. The Choices We make

Walking in the Baltimore PD felt still too strange ever since that coma. It was almost as if he was undercover, which in a way he was. Playing the part of his 'past' self. Since that's what this was to him, no matter how not real his dream life had been. He was the actor on the stage, playing some role. Not that there was anything new about _that_. He'd been playing different roles since his childhood. Sometimes he wasn't even sure who he really was.

Sitting down behind his desk, Tony stared at the pile of unfinished paperwork and cursed Gibbs for kidnapping him in the middle of his work... Or maybe he should be grateful. Rarely anyone liked doing paperwork...

Meanwhile Gibbs himself walked straight to the coffee maker. One taste and the coffee found its way in the trash can. It was a mystery why he even bothered tasting it if he already knew the coffee here wasn't up to his high standards.

Looking around the room Tony saw the other people looking at him curiously. It could be because he was back way before he was officially allowed to come, but he always went back to work before he was given the permission. Or maybe it was the smell of smoke on him and they had heard what had happened to his apartment. Or perhaps it was the white envelope, which he was now holding.

"Hey, Tony! Good to have you back, kid!"

"Morning, Mark..." Tony smiled and the old Detective frowned as he sensed something was different. Then he saw what the kid was holding between his fingers. Suddenly the white envelope stood out as if it was bright red and burning hot.

"Tony..." he started.

With overly bright tone, Tony spoke before he could finish it. "Guess what. Agent Gibbs here has offered me a job and I accepted it."

"Is that so?" Giving the Agent his deadly glare, Mark received equally evil look from the man.

"Now, now you two... Try to behave..." Tony grinned as he stood up, holding his hurt arm, which was now in a almost too tight sling. All thanks to certain bastard.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_Picking up his last knife, Tony was ready to leave the motel room._

_Danny hadn't said another word besides '_ morning _' ever since he woke up. He was getting more nervous and depressed the closer it came for him to keep his promise, so he simply quietly waited for his partner to get ready to leave._ Former _partner if recent turn of events was anything to go by._

_Gibbs looked pretty satisfied seeing that at the very least '_ rule number 9 _' wouldn't be an_ _issue with DiNozzo, but he frowned when he saw the tight lines of pain around the young man's mouth and eyes._ " _Sit down."_

" _Why?" Tony was confused, but he obeyed._

_Disappearing from the room, it took some time before Gibbs returned, carrying some piece of fabric with him. Perhaps some sort of scarf, Tony assumed and then frowned as the realization hit him. The realization of what the man was going to do with it._ " _Gibbs... I_ really _don't need..."_

_Gibbs merely glared at him before he started making the makeshift sling for the hurt arm._ " _You will let someone later look at it to make sure you haven't made it worse or I will drag your ass myself to the nearest hospital and make you stay there until you're doing well enough to not cause more damage."_

" _Gibbs..."_

" _Or then I can let you go through Ducky's tirade of how to take care of yourself. Trust me, you don't want to go through that."_

_Tony grimaced and then flinched as Gibbs finished wrapping up his arm nice and tight. "It's too tight!"_

" _Good."_

* * *

Forcing the smile to stay on his face, Tony took something from his desk, holding it close to his chest with the envelope.

"Tony... Where's Danny?" Mark asked as he remembered suddenly Tony's worry from before when his partner had disappeared somewhere.

The question made his smile disappear and Tony leaned closer to whisper, knowing he could trust the man with a secret like this, but not so sure about rest of the room. "Danny... He... Went to turn himself in..."

"What?" Mark frowned in shock and tried to understand what those words meant.

"Please... Mark... He made a mistake and now he's paying for it... He's still good guy who made a big mistake... Look after him for me if he remains somewhere close to you... Can you do that?"

The old Detective smiled for a bit, if uncertainly. "Of course... And Tony... Watch your back. Frank has something against you today."

Tony had a grim look on his face. "I see... Thanks... Where is he anyway?"

"Stormed in his office as soon as he came to work and hasn't left ever since."

Nodding his thanks, Tony left, feeling a heavy burden over his shoulders as he walked toward the room. He was wondering if the man already knew he was being investigated. Maybe not, as it was still early in the morning. Not even that many cops had come to work yet.

As soon as Tony was gone from their sights, Mark turned to glare at the old Marine. "You watch the kid's back or I will personally come and hunt your ass down. You got that, Agent?"

Gibbs felt the corners of his mouth twist and he covered the beginning of a smile with a yawn. It _was_ still early in the morning. His only answer to the Detective was to raise his eyebrow and give the man his ' _you think?_ ' look.

Studying the Agent for a moment, Mark nodded as if he understood and walked to his own desk where he sat down. Though he kept glancing toward the unwanted guest now and then with a frown.

Meanwhile, Frank Raimey sat behind his desk in his office, holding his head between his hands and wondering what he should do now. Everything had gone wrong ever since his meeting with Teddy. Those useless men he had hired to kill both Dinozzo and Danny had failed badly and then he got a call that Danny had turned himself in. And now even the FBI was involved... Sooner or later the investigation would find him. He was sure of it. As if all that wasn't enough, the 'boss' was sending threats to him with those men of his. Walking free or in jail, he knew he would end up dead.

Hearing the door open and someone stepping in the room, Frank looked up and narrowed his eyes as he looked at the young Detective. "DiNozzo... I was wondering when you would show up..."

"As you well know, I am sure, I'm still on sick leave," Tony answered with a blank stare of his own. Stepping forward he dropped the envelope—with the mighty mouse stapler on top of it—on his now former boss's desk. "My resignation. Effective immediately. Where I am going, I'm not going to need any reminders so you can keep that." He pointed at the stapler. He almost snorted at the irony of his own words. No reminders... The whole city would be a reminder to him.

"I won't accept it, DiNozzo." Frank leaned back on his chair. If the man would leave, then there would be no way for him to keep an eye on him.

"I didn't ask for your opinion or permission." Saying that, Tony leaned over the desk and only half whispered. "I _know,_ Frank... _They_ know... Soon _everyone_ will know. We gave all our evidence to the people who won't rest until you're down and you're going down hard..."

Frank stared without reacting in any way, but it was the next words that truly got him.

"I know this thing is far bigger than it seems at first... It was their mistake that I know. Teddy came to me... Twice." It was the widening of his former boss's eyes that proved Tony he was on the right track. The two things were connected. "And should something happen to me or Danny _or_ those close to us... You will be one of the first people anyone would suspect." He cast one last look on the man, who was now looking pale. "You're nothing but a dirty cop..."

When Tony made his way to the door, Frank laughed bitterly. "You're playing dangerous games here, DiNozzo. These people are not something you can win against." As Tony turned to look at him, expecting the man to share more with him, Frank only shook his head. "You're right. I am a dirty cop and in way too deep, but you still don't know half of it and it's best if you let things be. Stop digging around. Leave and never look back." Hesitating, he spoke again before Tony left. "Watch your back."

Tony looked at the man for the last time before leaving the room. He had nothing more to say to his former boss.

As the door closed, Frank let out another bitter laughter. Taking out his wallet he took out a photograph and looked at the picture of his loved ones. He took out his gun and stared at it. With a gun in one hand and the picture in the other, he went through the big moments in his life, the good and then all the bad ever since he went to the 'dark side' as DiNozzo would have put it. Although he took his sweet time making that final decision, there was no hesitation when he finally put the gun barrel in his mouth.

Outside, walking back toward the room where Gibbs and Mark were most likely waiting for him, Tony stopped and leaned against the wall. Few officers walking past him looked at him with sympathy as he looked tired and like he could fall asleep while still standing on his feet. All of them knew that feeling too well.

They all looked up as there was heard the sound of a gunfire, coming from Frank's office. Tony swore and he, among the few officers closest to the door, ran back to the room. Opening the door they all stopped in shock, seeing the bloody scene in front of them. Tony watched it happen like in a dream—a nightmare that is—as Mark pushed past them and went uselessly to check for the pulse. No one was surprised to see the headshake. Turning around, Tony left the room. He kept walking until he was outside, sitting in his car. That was where Gibbs found him, his forehead against the steering wheel.

Standing outside the car, Gibbs observed his new Agent. Of course he still had to clear _that_ one with Morrow first, but he wouldn't be known for his 'second b for bastard' if he didn't get the man to accept DiNozzo. Opening the car door, Gibbs sat inside. Waiting, and hoping, if the man would speak out.

"You know, it's funny... You are trying your best doing the right thing. You try to stop someone from dying or getting hurt and then someone else ends up dead instead." Looking up, Tony leaned his head against the car seat. There were unshed tears in his eyes. "This makes me wonder if I can't do even one thing right. If I can only mess things up so badly that when one person doesn't end up hurt or dead, someone else does." Hitting his good hand against the steering wheel, Tony turned to look at his boss. His _boss_...

" _He_ pulled the trigger, DiNozzo. It was a choice _he_ made," Gibbs said quietly and put his hand against the back of the young man's head and then moved it to squeeze his neck gently. In his mind he cursed the choice Raimey had made, seeing how hard the kid took it.

Closing his eyes, Tony was nodding slowly. "Yeah... I know..."

"His choice..."

"You already told me that and I do know," Tony said, irritated as he turned his head to look at Gibbs who was looking at him with ' _oh_ _really?_ ' look on his face. Laughing softly, Tony shook his head and then ran his good hand over his face. "No... It may have been his choice... But it could have as well been _those_ people pulling the trigger..."

"Teddy." Gibbs guessed and Tony nodded.

"He told me to watch my back... Those will be his last words you know..." He sighed when Gibbs didn't say anything or do anything to remove his hand. "Now what?"

"Coffee," was Gibbs's one worded answer as he got out of the car and Tony laughed, following the man. He agreed. With no sleep and after such morning as this, they'd need all the coffee they could get. Neither noticed the man looking at them in the shadows or when he turned around and left.

Dropping his police uniform in the trashcan, Teddy walked to the car waiting for him. Sitting in there he took out his phone and as he kept his eyes on the now former Detective and the man walking with him, he was waiting for the other person to answer the phone he was now calling. "It's me. Tell the boss Frank couldn't handle the pressure and took care of our problem by his own hand." While listening to the other person talking, Teddy smiled as he saw Anthony stepping in that favorite coffeehouse of his. "Yes. I'm looking at him right now. Tell the boss to be ready to meet couple of guests soon."

Ending the call, he drove away. Humming along with a song that was playing on the radio. It was such a beautiful morning and the day had just gotten even better. With the boss's agreement backing him up, he had now more options of how to move along with the plan.

In the coffeehouse, Tony felt a shiver run through his body and unpleasant feeling in his gut as he kept glancing over his shoulder.

"DiNozzo?" Gibbs looked at Tony as he finished paying for their coffee.

"Nothing... Just... You know... Gut feeling or something..."

"Yeah, I know. What is it about?" When Tony hesitated, Gibbs had a pretty good guess. "That Teddy guy?"

"I think so..."

"We'll figure it out," Gibbs said it as a matter of fact, before it turned into a glare. " _Together_."

"Wouldn't think otherwise, boss." Tony smiled weakly and took his coffee as they left the place side by side.


	21. His Name Is Arcangelo Voltolini

Death rarely is pretty. The most ideal way of dying would be when you're old and in your own bed, surrounded by your loved ones and with peace of mind. Acceptance and understanding that ' _this is it. It's my time. No regrets. I've lived a good life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Now, finally I'm going home. I've done my part and finally I will get some rest_.'

There was nothing pretty nor peaceful about the bloody body of Frank Raimey. The way his unseeing eyes were staring at him, with accusation and anger. He was standing farther away, watching as the people in the room were working with the scene as they would with any other crime scene out there. Shuddering inwardly, Tony turned away and walked straight into Gibbs.

"You okay?" Gibbs didn't have to say more for the younger man to understand what he meant by the question.

"Not like I haven't seen crime scenes far worse than this. I'll be fine. Let's go." Tony turned around and walked away past the onlookers.

Gibbs turned around to see the body himself. Unlike Tony, he saw a man with seemingly no other way out. Not feeling interested in staying there longer than necessary, he hurried after Tony who was by now at his own desk, putting in the small box the few things he wanted to take with him.

"Need some help with that, kid?" Mark asked, looking like he had aged ten years during the last couple of hours.

"Can't wait to get rid of me, huh?" Tony grinned, teasingly.

"Hey, now! What was it again? Ah! Star player! We're losing our star player and I'm losing a good student. How can I be happy?"

"Sure, if you teaching me your best pranks makes me your student... But I was a prankster way before I met you. You know it. Admit it, old man."

Mark growled, but there was playful glint in his eyes. "Your favorite kind of pranks involved superglue."

Tony laughed. Knowing that hadn't or rather _wouldn't_ change. Lifting up the box in his arms he suddenly frowned. What if _everything_ in his dream could indeed happen..? He could still remember it... That phone call... He barely even left the work after the funeral for a week and even then only after Gibbs threatened to fire him if he didn't go home to sleep.

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

" _Hey, Rachel! How's Mark?"_

" _Anthony... Tony, he's dead..."_

* * *

"Tony? Kid?" Mark stared at the man in worry. The boy was staring at him, but clearly wasn't even seeing him and he had turned pale.

"Sorry... Did you say something?" Tony blinked in confusion. Unaware he'd been standing there like that for a couple of minutes.

"Tony... You spaced out... I thought you were past doing that..." By that Mark meant all those moments for about a month after Tony woke up from the coma. He would space out in the middle of a conversation, which had been the reason he wasn't allowed to go back to work 'outside' for a while. Much to Tony's annoyance.

Tony answered by simply shrugging. It wasn't like he even knew what to say.

"Hey... Kid... Rachel and I... You know she loves you like one of her own... If you ever need someone to talk to or a place to escape to... You know where to find us..."

"I sure do... Thanks, Mark." Tony grinned, thinking about the woman who kept trying to feed him whenever she saw him. That mother hen was almost as bad as Ducky when it came to his health and diet. "Say hi to your wife when you get home and... Do me a favor, old man."

Rolling his eyes, Mark smiled. Only Tony could get away with it. Calling him old man. "Anything. As long as it doesn't involve giving your superglue a chance because that's not going to happen."

Tony laughed. "No. Not that... Just... It's about your fishing trips... I know how much you love and need those times alone... Just... Promise me to find someone to go with you. Don't go alone. Ever."

"Kid..."

"Promise me. I don't like you being on your own in a place like that, with no other people around when you might need some help or..."

"Alright, alright..."

After a moment of hesitation, Tony looked like he wanted to add something, but at this point Gibbs was starting to get very impatient and he needed more coffee. "Hey, DiNozzo! You done yet!?" he growled. He was standing at the door and looking rather grumpy.

"Gotta go... Don't want to piss off the bear." Tony grinned, not one bit scared by Gibbs's worsening mood. If anything, he was amused.

"Alright then... Call me sometimes. Maybe even visit me and Rachel. You haven't even seen our grandchild yet..."

"Of course..." Tony put down the box and wrapped his arm around the old Detective. Before the older man had time to return the awkward hug, he took his box and hurried away.

Later on, the entire Baltimore PD was cursing the name of one Anthony D. DiNozzo for a week as they were plagued by pranks involving superglue. No evidence of who did it, but everyone knew the culprit. Mark was the only one who laughed and even made copies of some of the best reactions, which their security cameras caught, and one of the copies found a way to Tony's mailbox.

* * *

Stepping in the mansion, Teddy could feel the heated glances he got from the men who were standing on guard there. Pure hatred and also some fearful respect. His only response to them was to grin widely. He was the outsider. After all, he was your plain old American. Not one drop of blood in him was Italian, as far as he knew. He couldn't even pretend to be Italian and neither did he speak the language. Yet here he was, the boss's right hand man. He had even been given the old man's daughter as his fiancée.

"Teo," Paolo spoke. He was one of the boss's sons. His twin brother didn't say anything. Didn't even glance toward Teddy. He would never forgive that his sister was to become this outsiders wife. None of them were happy about it, but he had stopped speaking to him completely.

"Paolo." Teddy had to hide his smirk. He wasn't about to start another fight. Not yet. Not when he finally got his future father in law to accept the first man he had chosen to bring in the family. Even more than giving his daughter to him, this proved just how much the old bastard was trusting him. Old fool. He would never say that out loud of course. He wasn't that stupid. "How's the boss doing? Or should I call him father now?" Oh, he enjoyed seeing the look of complete anger and fury on their faces.

"You little—"

"Teo!"

Teddy turned around and smiled widely at the old man walking toward them. "Boss. It's good to see you."

If the heavy accent wasn't enough then the way the man looked was a complete give away. The old man looked as Italian as you possibly could. "You are early as always, Teo."

It always amazed Teddy how a man like Angelo seemed to be completely oblivious of the hate everyone else showed toward him, Teddy. Perhaps the man really was getting too old. In that case it made everything so much easier...

"I am trying, boss." Teddy let the old man lead him to his own private room. Then the man even went so far as letting him sit down on the chair next to his own.

"So tell me..." Angelo started.

"His name is Anthony D. DiNozzo Junior. I don't know what the D stands for. He is half Italian. As far as I know he does speak the language and possibly some other languages as well. He's a Detective here in Baltimore, but he just quit today after some guy offered him a job. I don't know yet in what place. I've watched him for a while now and he is exactly what we could use here."

Teddy took out a small photograph he had taken of Tony and gave it to the old man. It was hard to tell what the man was thinking, but he had a positive feeling about this so he kept talking. "He is very much against joining us, but I have ways to make him more agreeable. Plus, he's still young. Even younger than me and your children. Twenty seven. Just a kid really." He knew he was stepping on a weak ice by bringing up the children, but he also knew how disappointed the man had been with the younger generation so far. "It'll be easier to mold him into the kind of man we need."

Angelo had been brushing his thumb over the picture with almost gentle look in his eyes, but at this point he stopped and looked up.

Teddy cursed inwardly. "I meant the kind of man _you_ need, boss."

Angelo dropped his gaze back to the picture. "I am sure you know who he looks like, Teo."

"Yes... I am aware of that... Believe me, it was not the reason I chose him as my first one. I will make sure to pass on all my knowledge to him."

His boss gave him long hard stare. "If you let me down, you know what the price you are going to pay is."

"I know."

There was a long silence, which was broken only by the sound of the fire dancing in the fireplace.

"Bring him in."

"Thank you," Teddy said and stood up when Angelo did and he watched as the man walked away.

"Do not let me down, Theodore."

The man never called him by his full name. This was serious business and he was gambling with everything by bringing in Anthony.

As he was about to leave, Teddy realized the old man had taken the photo with him. Teddy smiled. It _was_ worth it all. He didn't believe in God or anything else, but right now he thanked his luck for literally running into the young Detective about a year ago. It almost disappointed him the man didn't even remember him.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_It was pouring rain from the heavens, but he didn't really mind. If anything, the rain was better than any shower, washing away the blood and at the same time any remaining evidence of what he had done._

_He never thought he would go this far when he first started working his way up the 'food chain', to become the right hand man to Arcangelo Voltolini, the mafia boss. A man whose actual name was known by a very few people. But to murder a man for the old bastard was better than anything else he could possibly do. However, the most exciting discovery had been how easy taking another life was. Who would've known when he started to worm his way in, that he would end up selling his very soul?  
_

_He was there... So close... There was something more he had to do. Something that would fill the missing gap. It would be so much easier had he been born Italian. He cursed his parents for doing that to him.  
_

_Pulling the hood of his jacket over his head, Teddy started jogging. It was dark and still pouring rain so he didn't notice the dark figure running toward him. The moment they both noticed each other it was too late and they collided._

" _Oh man... Like I don't already have a concussion... Sorry. You alright?"_

_Teddy let the young man help him up and he couldn't help but notice his face, even if it was hard to see in the dark. Then again, he had good eyes even in the darkness. That face, those eyes. He knew he had seen that same face before._

" _Hello? Anybody home?" The man laughed and grinned widely when Teddy finally nodded, still staring._ " _Good. Sorry, but I can't stay chatting here now. I'm kind of in the middle of a work right now."_

_Teddy grabbed the man's arm as he was about to leave._ " _Wait! What's your name?"_

" _My name?" The man looked confused and then he hesitated, looking suspicious. "It's Alan. Look, I really have to go now. Take care, man." And then he left, running again. Just oozing youthful energy.  
_

* * *

Ever since that day he'd been watching him, as soon as he found him first of course, which was not easy. After that he was learning everything he could without letting himself be known. Found out his real name was Anthony, not Alan, and that he was a cop, a Detective of all things. The universe had a weird sense of humor, had been his first thought at the discovery.

Then the day came when he was going to approach him with his offer, only to find out the young Detective had ended up in a hospital. He nearly missed out his chance again when Anthony disappeared somewhere, only to reappear with that old man in tow.

Walking to his car, Teddy took out his gun and smiled. It was time. The boss wasn't known for his patience with things like this. He was running out of time and it was now or never, before Anthony disappeared again.

* * *

Stopping his car, Tony waited for Gibbs to get out. They were back at Danny's place, where Gibbs's own car still was.

"DiNozzo. I'm telling you this again, leave the car in Baltimore and get it back later. You can't drive with only one arm."

"Watch me."

"DiNozzo..."

"Look, not everyone drives the way you do. I can drive just fine with one good arm. I'm not going to crash or anything. I will not however leave my baby in here _again_ and I will not let _you_ drive it either."

"What's wrong with the way I drive?" Gibbs growled and Tony grinned.

"Never said anything was wrong with the way you drive..."

"Ducky will have my head for this, DiNozzo."

"Not if you don't tell him."

"He's going to find out."

"Not if you don't tell him."

"He'll know when he realizes both our cars are in the city."

"I'll figure out something _if_ he finds out."

"DiNozzo! Stop being so stubborn and listen to me for a change!"

"So who did you call?"

"Don't change the subject."

"What will happen to Danny? I mean, I hope it was worth it, to ask the FBI to come and help with this."

"He'll be fine. Obviously they can't completely overlook what he did and some cases will have to be reopened, but he'll be fine. No jail time."

Tony let out a breath he hadn't noticed he'd been holding. For a cop to end up in jail, that was the worst possible thing to happen, so it had been his biggest fear. "Thank you..."

"Don't mention..." Gibbs had that half-smile of his and understanding look in his eyes.

"I suppose they couldn't find out anything with the name Teddy..? Don't think that's even his real name..."

"No... But they'll be still looking."

"I'm pretty sure they're not going to find anything... So... When will I meet this guy? This friend of yours."

Gibbs growled something under his breath. It was obvious that—after Tony's 'threat' to join the FBI—he wasn't fond of the idea of letting them meet.

"Go to your car now, Gibbs. We'll go first get some coffee and maybe something to eat for our long drive. You can go Marine crazy on me later. Right now I really would much rather hit the road already."

Gibbs looked like he'd argue some more, but changed his mind and walked toward his own car.

"He can give me his Marine glare all he wants..." Tony muttered and rubbed his hurt arm with his good one. It was both hurting and itchy to the point it almost made him crazy. The sling really didn't seem to help either and so he kept 'losing' it whenever he could...

While he waited for Gibbs to drive past him, Tony kept tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. Did the man have trouble with the car or why did it take so long? Finally getting out of his car and just in case locking it up, Tony went walking toward where he assumed Gibbs would be, when he suddenly felt almost painful twist in his gut. Without really thinking much, he took out his gun and turned around.

"I wouldn't do that."

"Teddy..." Tony stared at the man stepping in front of him, standing behind Gibbs and with awfully big gun firmly against the older man's head. It would leave a really big mess, Tony realized and then winced at such way of thinking. "He has nothing to do with this... Let him go..."

"DiNozzo..." Gibbs growled, only to have the gun pushed, if possible, even harder against the back of his head.

"See, that's where you're wrong, Anthony. Now be a good boy and put your gun on the ground and then kick it here. No tricks, both of you. I might accidentally pull the trigger."

Seething in anger, Tony carefully dropped down his gun and kicked it toward Teddy, who barely even looked at it as he somehow managed to pick it up while still holding his own gun against Gibbs.

"Now, your knives. How many did you have them? Five I believe. Drop them on the ground."

Tony took out his hidden knives and dropped them on the ground one by one, trying to buy them some time. Not once during this whole time had he let his eyes look away from the two men in front of him.

"Good. Very good. Now turn around. Come on now... Good. You see that car over there? The blue one. Now start walking. No funny business. I would much rather not, but I will kill this friend of yours if I have to."

Trying his very best to think of a way for both him and Gibbs—or at least for Gibbs—to get away, Tony found no other option but to do as he was told to do, for now. He could hear the other two following him from behind. He hated this. Hated turning his back on someone with a gun and putting someone else in danger because of him. That someone being Gibbs. Again.

"Open the door. See those handcuffs on the seat? Take them."

Tony gave Teddy his blank stare, only to flinch as the gun was again pressed harder against Gibbs's head. The older man himself had been barely showing any kind of emotions on his face. With calmness he didn't feel, Tony picked up the handcuffs, already able to guess what it was that he would have to do with them and he didn't like it one bit.

"Good. Now come out and handcuff your friend here. No tricks. Both hands behind his back and make sure they're nice and tight. I'll be watching." There was almost predator's look in Teddy's eyes as he observed Tony doing as told. "Perfect. Now get on the driver's seat. You're going to have to drive. Your friend and I will be taking the back seat."

Looking Gibbs in the eyes, Tony could see that the older man was way over his limits and was prepared to soon snap someone's neck, or die trying. However, with the gun still firmly there in the hands of a man who had no trouble murdering innocent people, they couldn't take any chances. Not yet. So Tony shook his head and Gibbs sighed inwardly, getting in the car when he was half pushed in there.

Once they were finally on the road, Tony berated himself for not taking this guy more seriously before. Gibbs on the other hand went through different scenarios of what he'll do the moment he would manage to get free. It would not be pretty if he would have his way.


	22. The Actor, The Observer And The Marine

The early hours of the day had turned into evening by the time they finally made it to the house, which was huge and bigger than the one where he used to live in as a kid. That is when he wasn't sent around to different boarding schools and any other place his father dearest could think of. All that _before_ he'd been disowned.

"Step out of the car and keep your hands where I can see them."

Snapping out of his 'reverie', Tony got slowly out of the car and he heard the other two joining him soon after. He could almost hear Gibbs's grumbling, but he knew it was only his imagination.

"Keep moving, both of you."

The moment they stepped inside the building, they were faced with stern looking men. For a moment Tony could only blink his eyes, too stunned to react in any other way. It was almost as if he'd stepped into The Godfather movie, or so it looked at first glance. The only thing missing was for the theme song to start playing. "Seriously? You look nothing like some mafia gangster."

And he didn't. Teddy was like oil, which was trying to mix with water. Something was definitely off here. There was odd half-smile on Teddy's face as he pushed Gibbs in the hands of one of the men in there, who looked furious for some reason, but he didn't say anything. "Make sure this one doesn't do anything stupid."

"What is this, Teo? Why did you bring these people here?" It was a woman's voice.

As Tony turned around to see the woman, there were few things that became clear to him. She was Italian and she was an older woman. Clearly time had only done wonders to her looks. And she was also very much taken, if the man holding his hand on her back in a possessive manner was anything to go by. That and the ring on her finger. Glancing toward Gibbs, Tony wasn't surprised to see that there was hardly any reaction on the man's face. Well... She wasn't a redhead.

"Carolina. Where's the boss? He's expecting to see this man. The other one..." Teddy waved toward Gibbs. "...can wait elsewhere. Take him in the waiting room."

"Listen..." Tony started protesting, but one look from Gibbs silenced him, which lasted until the man was gone from the room. "What do you want from me? At least let _him_ go. He has nothing to do with this."

Teddy smiled. "He has everything to do with this now. Thanks to you, Anthony."

Carolina gasped suddenly. "Gasparo?" The woman sounded deeply moved and the look on her face was as if she'd seen a ghost. The moment Tony had started speaking was the moment she had actually looked at him.

"No, Carolina. He's not Gasparo. His name is Anthony DiNozzo."

Tony furrowed his brows. Not pleased how the man seemed to know a whole lot about him and yet he only knew so far his nickname or maybe two. Teddy and Teo. That still didn't tell him much. He did have his suspicions, but they didn't make a whole lot of sense.

"Gasparo..." The older woman obviously wasn't listening now as she left her husband and walked to the young man in the room. As tall as Tony was, Carolina towered over him with her high heels. To add more to his discomfort, she took his face between her ice cold hands.

"Let the young man be, Caro." Deep man's voice spoke.

"Father... _Gasparo_..." Carolina's voice was full of emotion.

"I know. We will talk about this later. Now go. He and I have things to discuss."

Obviously the woman didn't want to obey the command, but one stern look from her father and she left the room, with her expressionless looking husband following her like a shadow. The man looked more like her bodyguard, not a husband.

Tony crossed his arms over his chest. Determined to do whatever he had to do to get Gibbs out of there and then do what he could to walk out unharmed as well. Well, alive at least. If he did end up dying, then at least he would make killing him as difficult as possible.

Teddy observed the situation with interest. It was like watching two wild animals sizing up each other. Young and old. Both standing tall.

Angelo finally took one step forward and held out his hand. "My name is Arcangelo Voltolini. Some people call me boss or father, but you can call me Angelo. It is pleasure to finally meet you, Anthony."

Narrowing his eyes, Tony ignored the hand. "I can't say I feel the same way, Mr. Voltolini. Not when I'm here against my will and my friend is being held who knows where and receiving who knows what kind of treatment."

Angelo didn't seem to mind the cold response he got. Instead he let out a small chuckle, much to the horror of the few men of his in the room. "Do not worry my friend. He will be treated kindly for your sake. Now come." It sounded like a command and most likely it was.

Since he didn't see any other option other than do what he was told, Tony followed the old man. Stepping in a large room with a fireplace in it, the door closing behind them felt like prison doors had just closed, with him locked inside. Despite the warmth coming from the fire, Tony felt suddenly cold.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the house, Gibbs gave his very best glare to anyone looking at him and even when they didn't look. To his great pleasure it obviously had its desired effect and while the goons were avoiding looking at him, he studied the room he was put in. The so called 'waiting room' was barely big enough for him to lie down if he'd want to. There were no windows and the only door was now being closed and locked up, leaving him standing there in complete darkness. Since there was no chair, Gibbs sat down on the cold floor. With his hands still handcuffed behind his back, he didn't have too many options of what to do. Since that Teddy guy hadn't searched him properly, he knew he still had his belt knife, but it wouldn't be enough to get his arms free when he couldn't even get to it.

Already mentally cursing himself for even trying it, Gibbs started trying to slip his hands free from the cuffs, but after almost fifteen minutes he gave up. His hands hurt and he was pretty sure his wrists were bleeding. He growled and hit the back of his head against the wall. If only Teddy hadn't completely emptied his pockets, then he'd have a chance of opening the handcuffs.

Gibbs froze, then cursed himself for not noticing it sooner and he smirked. The slight weight in his jacket's right pocket should have been enough for him to notice. Some Marine and Agent was he. If DiNozzo would ask him about it later, then he'd say he noticed it right away...

It took some time and lots of headache of how to do it, but after a while he got the keys out of his pocket. Picking them up from the floor from where they had fallen down, he could imagine how DiNozzo had somehow managed to slip them in his pocket while he put the handcuffs on. Now that he thought about it, it might have taken just a little too long time for a cop to do. "Attaboy, Tony..."

Once he managed to free himself, he touched his wrists, which luckily weren't as bad as they felt. Didn't stop the pain though, but he wasn't one to complain, having had way worse battle wounds. Picking up both the handcuffs and the keys from the floor, Gibbs stood up and studied the room and door closer. Not being able to see didn't make it any easier than before so all he could do was wait. Wait for the perfect moment for someone to come in, and pray there would be only one or two people at most he'd have to go against.

* * *

"...and this is my youngest child and daughter. She looks just like my mother when she was still young."

"Mr. Voltolini..." Tony finally spoke out. This whole situation didn't make any sense and was starting to feel awkward at best. "As interesting as watching your family photos with you has been, exactly what does this have anything to do with... well... anything?"

From what he had heard from Teddy, they wanted him to join this little crime group of theirs. But the moment they all sat down and he'd been expecting to hear some big and mighty mafia boss speech from this Voltolini guy, the man was ringing the bell and one of those guards from before ran in the room, bringing them bunch of family photo albums, which they ended up going through one by one. So now he knew that the man had six children. Three boys and three girls. All except the two youngest daughters were married.

The eldest child was forty-two years old Alonzo, and his wife Maria.

Second oldest was forty-one years old Carolina, and her husband Beppe. No idea if that was his real name or not.

Then there were the twins: Thirty-seven years old Paolo and Peppino, with their wives Maria and Cosima.

Teddy's fiancée was thirty-three years old Maria and the youngest of them all was thirty years old Italia.

Alonzo had three sons, Carolina had one son, Paolo had three sons and two daughters, Peppino had four daughters and two sons.

Angelo's wife was dead, but his almost ninety years old mother was still alive, and _shockingly_ her name was also Maria. These people really seemed to love that name, or then it simply was lack of imagination... Either way he wasn't impressed by any of this.

Having listened to the story long enough, Tony was starting to feel really tired of trying to pretend having even smallest amount of interest toward these pictures and people. At first he had been, since he figured they'd be useful information to use against these people if he would get away. Now however, he wished he didn't have his good memory as his mind was now full of names, faces and other information he for now didn't care to know about. This almost seventy years old man was way worse than Ducky with his story telling...

Teddy hid his smile behind his wine glass. He had to admit he was impressed. Unless they were terrified, most people would have left long ago or at least tried guiding the conversation toward something else other than the endless family memories. When he could, Angelo would keep talking about his memories for hours without end and during special days like some anniversary, with the help of a good wine, he could start from the beginning once he was done. Even if the person listening had already heard it several times before. As much of a criminal as the man was, family clearly meant everything to him, which was why Teddy knew he was walking on a dangerous and slippery road.

He frowned and stared at the two men, before focusing his gaze on the younger one. His all cards were laying on Anthony now. He wasn't about to let the man ruin this for him.

Angelo smiled. "Forgive me, dear Anthony... I am an old man you see, and family is close to my heart. So when I start talking about them, I could go on and on. It is good you stopped me now or we would have moved to all the cousins and their children. I have a very big family."

_No kidding?_ Tony almost said, but held back his tongue, which could be very sharp if he let it. He was pretty sure this man wasn't one he wanted to piss off when he was under his complete mercy. Not when he didn't even know who and what he was dealing with. He felt chills whenever Angelo leaned closer and whenever the old man touched his shoulder or hand in a way too friendly manner.

"There is one more picture I want to show you."

Tony barely held back his sigh. Now he regretted not sleeping those few hours last night. He really needed some coffee... And if _he_ needed coffee as bad as he did, he couldn't even begin to imagine how Gibbs was feeling... Leaning closer to see the black and white picture of two young men, he frowned. By the looks of it, one of them was probably Angelo, but the one Angelo had his arm around... Tony blinked, confused and feeling more than a little uneasy. "That's..."

"It is not you, but he does look like you. Does he not?"

"Who is he?" Tony swallowed and stared at the picture. _Creepy_... Had he not known better, he would've thought he was looking at himself. Or his clone.

"Gasparo Voltolini. He was my younger half-brother. Six years younger than me."

"Was?" Tony hadn't missed the way the old man's eyes darkened. It made him almost shiver. This man was a killer. It was strange how strongly he could feel it on someone. That hardly was a good sign...

"He was killed," Teddy answered.

"He was _murdered_!" Angelo growled. "Leave us alone, Teo. I will call you back later."

"Boss... _I_ chose him," Teddy started protesting, but changed his mind when the man looked at him. He couldn't afford any mistakes now... "Yes, boss... I'll go see how our other guest is doing..."

Tony looked up sharply and with sudden worry. Before he had a chance to do more than worry, Teddy stood up and left.

Angelo stared at the young man. The way he was furrowing his brows in deep worry was just how his brother used to do. Although the way that emotion was wiped off his face as if it had never existed there, wasn't anything Gasparo could've done.

He watched with fascination how the man remained calm despite everything. Anyone else would have been furious, scared or at least confused. This young man however held a very guarded expression on his face and even his body language didn't say what he was thinking. Blank, white piece of paper. That's what he was. Angelo found himself wondering if the man was a good actor. His late father's words came back to his mind:

' _We are all actors. Each of us are playing our roles and the world is our stage. Sometimes however, comes along a few people who hide their true characters and the world can only guess. Those people are the most dangerous because you will never know for sure what their true intentions are. Are they your enemy, friend or something else? They are the true lead players and sometimes they are even the directors of the show. They can manipulate the situation and no one would ever know. I met a man like that once. It did not end well for anyone. Be careful of such people._ '

Angelo smiled, looking at the young man, playing with the wine glass he had been given earlier. His father had been a very wise man. This young man could be very dangerous, but at the moment he didn't mind. If anything, he was even more curious and excited. Even with Teddy's interference, it was not a coincidence he had met Anthony.

"My brother Gasparo... He was a fine young man. He never wanted any part of our family business, but he never left us. Too loyal. He knew you never betray the family. Same thing cannot be said about many other people in these days... So I kept him from doing the dirty work. Kept him from harm's way. Kept his hands clean from blood. Yet it was all in vain. One day police came. My father was weak and my brothers were away doing their business. Proud man as my father was, he did not want to surrender. Gasparo... He spoke him into doing so anyway. One foolish policeman started the fire and then everyone joined in from both sides. Both my father and brother died on that day."

Angelo hadn't dropped his gaze during the whole time he was talking and Tony had barely even blinked as he returned the stare, looking calm from the outside. If you could face Gibbs's famous glare, you could pretty much face anything. But honestly, facing this man was harder than anyone else he had faced yet.

"He was thirty-eight when he died. How old are you, Anthony?"

Tony hesitated one full second before deciding whether he should answer or not. Then he realized it didn't really matter. It wasn't like he was doing any real undercover work here and they could most likely easily check it out themselves if they'd want. There was also high possibility they already knew anyway. "Twenty-seven."

"So about ten more years and you'll be thirty eight. Just like our Gasparo was..."

Now he was starting to feel even more uncomfortable. "Mr. Voltolini... If I may say... I might _look_ like your brother—and what do I know, maybe I also sound like him. Perhaps I even have some similar mannerisms—but I am _not_ him. So if you have some ideas of replacing him with me or something..."

Angelo was startled. "Replace? Oh, no. No, no. I am very sorry if you misunderstood... Anthony, you are here only because of you. Although I must admit, I like looking at you."

_Well, that didn't sound creepy_... Tony thought in his mind. He knew he should have been far more careful from the very beginning. The eyes this man had... They were the eyes of an observer. The eyes of someone who was dangerously good at reading people. Someone who was used to stripping down every defense anyone might have built up. His natural enemy.

"What do you want from me then? You _know_ I'm a cop and I will remain as one."

Angelo stood up and walked to the fireplace, staring at the fire for a long time in silence. "In the old world... People like me were treated as the leaders. With respect. Now, times are changing. We must find different ways to survive. Different ways keeping our people safe."

"So you kill other people and most likely do some other illegal business."

Angelo looked up sharply at that.

" _'Only don't tell me that you're innocent. Because it insults my intelligence and it makes me very angry.'_ "

There was a moment of silence, which was broken by Angelo's soft chuckle. "The Godfather. I like you, son. I really do."

Tony hated the way the word ' _son_ ' coming from the man's mouth sounded to him, but he responded with a cheeky half grin. "I'm not stupid. I can smell the death. In this place, on your men and most of all... on you. Definitely on you."

Angelo nodded appraisingly. "I am glad we do not have to explain too much then... So tell me, Anthony... You are a cop and you are drinking good wine in the company of a man who would be one of the most wanted criminals, would my name be known. How does it make you feel?"

Tony shrugged as if it was nothing. "I've had worse company... But I would still be very happy to know why I was brought in here."

"Of course... You see... My generation was strong, but this next one is so weak. My own children are no leader material, but I am sure they would argue with that. So far we have kept things hidden and between our own people and any possible threat coming from outside. Now however we might have no other choice, but to take in outsiders. Like Teo. We need new blood to stop our blood from getting thinner and us getting weak."

"You mean Teddy?"

"Ah... Teo thought we use some strange nicknames when he first came here... Only the young ones do..."

Tony blinked and then smiled inwardly. _This really can't be... They are really going to be having a field day, trying to cover up all this mess_... Angelo's voice brought him out of his musings and he pushed away the new revelation.

"Teo is new. He has been with us for only three years and he is already my right hand man. If he were Italian, I could make him my successor."

"What's wrong with him not being Italian?"

"Some of our people would not like the idea of an outsider being their leader."

"What does any of this have anything to do with me?"

"He chose you. To train you and possibly become his own right hand man. Someone to watch his back here. Perhaps he thinks that using someone who looks like Gasparo would make people like him more. He is not wrong."

"So you think that by kidnapping me and threatening my friend is going to gain my loyalty? If anything, I would be waiting for the perfect moment to shoot his sorry ass!" Before Angelo had a chance to answer, Tony sighed and asked the question that had been burning his mind from the beginning. "Teddy— _Teo_. Do you trust him?"

The answer he got was amused chuckle, but the man said nothing. As if waiting for Tony to figure it out himself.

"Your people don't seem to like him. You say you keep all of this between your own people only, yet there he goes around causing trouble big enough to end up in the morning news. You say that in order for your little 'business' to stay strong, you might have to take in outsiders. Yet he seems to me more like a weak link. Someone bound to bring the destruction to you all. You also let him bring in another outsider. A _cop_ of all things. It's almost as if—" Tony's eyes widened for a moment and then he grinned. "You _want_ things to go bad... You _want_ him to be the bad seed, the one _you_ planted, for the destruction of this _beloved_ family of yours... Why?"

"Bravo. It took my mother much longer to figure that out." Angelo looked pleased. Neither man had noticed the door to the room opening slowly. "Now... Anthony... ' _I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse_ '."

"Nice... I knew you watch movies. So what's the offer I ' _can't refuse_ '?"

Angelo's eyebrows rose way up and he chuckled. "It seems a friend of yours has come to join us..."

Tony looked over his shoulder and stood up, putting away the wine glass. "Gibbs."

Gibbs pointed his gun toward the old man and growled. "I saw some interesting things on my way here... He's a murdering monster. The worse kind... Step away from him, Tony..."


	23. Can I Trust You?

Gibbs walked slowly closer to them. With the look on his face, there was no mistake that if he'd have to fire his gun, he wouldn't hesitate.

"How did you get in here? Where is Teo and the men guarding the door?" Angelo sounded almost angry as he stood up. It was completely different from his previously almost laid-back attitude, but Tony kind of preferred this. Anger was easier to deal with, and it was rarely faked.

Gibbs had that smug half grin on his face. "I walked. Handcuffed and gagged in your 'waiting room'. Sleeping on the floor."

"There was thirteen best men of mine behind that door."

Tony was grinning. "He's Gibbs."

Gibbs felt strangely happy how he had said it as if it was the most obvious thing on earth. Then he got more serious again. "DiNozzo. What are you still standing there for?"

"Well, Gibbs. You kind of came in the middle of something."

"As if... This slimeball here has a room full of torture devices, real prison cells and a freezing cold room full of dead bodies. Both men and women, young and old. _Children_." From the tone of his voice it was obvious that whatever Gibbs had seen was horrific enough for some of that horror—and fury—to get through his mostly stoic Marine appearance.

Tony wasn't surprised to hear that. It was something he could very well imagine with this man in question and it also explained why he could actually smell death on him.

"It is alright, Anthony... We can continue our talk some other time," Angelo spoke.

"No he won't! DiNozzo... _Now_."

Tony felt torn between going to Gibbs or staying there and learning more about the Voltolini family. He felt shiver run through his back when Angelo walked next to him and squeezed his shoulder in a friendly manner, making Gibbs look very much ready to pull the trigger as the look on his face was murderous.

"You would let me go? Just like that?" Tony wasn't a fool and he knew there was no way it would be that easy and Angelo's smile pretty much confirmed it.

"I will let you go, but sooner or later you will come back. And then we _will_ continue our little talk."

Tony shook his head and walked slowly toward Gibbs, but stopped when both the doors to the room were kicked wide open. Bunch of men with their weapons, and Teddy leading them, barged in. The moment Teddy took out his own gun and the way he did it, Tony's suspicions were pretty much confirmed. Old habits die hard and especially if it's deeply rooted... Too bad Teddy hadn't realized how important that little detail could be...

"Teddy... I thought you were busy somewhere else..." He grinned and held his own gun, which Gibbs gave him.

Angelo sat down. He was watching the scene as if it didn't matter whether they would all end up killing one another or not. It was Tony's words that brought back his interest.

"Hey, Voltolini!" Tony called out to him, as for a moment time was frozen. The men didn't know whether to attack or not as both Gibbs and Tony were standing too close to their boss. "Remember when I mentioned your 'trust issues'? Before I leave, I have one more movie quote for you."

Angelo's eyebrows went up as he looked at the young man who was not even looking at him, but instead he was staring at Teo, and then clearing his throat dramatically, Tony quoted The Godfather again. Loud enough for both Angelo and Gibbs to hear him. " _'FBI don't respect nothing'_."

Angelo's face didn't reveal any of his thoughts, then all of a sudden he stood up, speaking to his own people, "Drop your weapons."

His men and Teddy looked shocked, but one more look from their boss and they obeyed. Although Teddy only put his gun away, instead of dropping it on the floor.

"Now, leave... I have a little family matter to deal with..." Angelo said, never leaving his eyes from his men. Then he hesitated for a moment. "Are you sure?"

Tony shrugged and put away his gun, unlike Gibbs who was trying to understand what was going on. "I could be wrong or I could be lying to you in order to get rid of the thorn under my skin."

"But you are not."

"I'm usually not wrong. Besides, I'm pretty sure you can find it out yourself if you do some digging around." Tony took hold of Gibbs's arm with his good hand and pulled him away from the room. Just before he closed the door, he heard Angelo speaking to his men.

"All of you, leave. Not you, Teo... You and I need to talk..."

The moment Tony and Gibbs were sitting inside one of the cars—the one that the stolen keys fit—Gibbs snapped. "What was that all about, DiNozzo?"

For a good while Tony didn't speak a word. Driving away from the area as if the devil himself was after them and only once he was sure they were far enough, he stopped the car in the middle of the road. Gibbs looked as Tony ran both his hands over his face. Both hands were shaking.

Laying his hand over the young man's shoulder, Gibbs spoke the way he would speak to a child. Softly and gently. "Talk to me, Tony... I have no idea what's going on and I can't read minds..."

"Those people... Angelo Voltolini... And then Teddy..."

"Yes?" Gibbs was starting to get impatient. Well, 'starting' might not be the correct word since he had lost his patience long ago by now.

"Teddy... He is some undercover Agent... FBI, I think. I should have known from the moment we met... There were so many obvious signs... His too fake to be true looks, like one of their not so bright agents trying to look some kind of badass gangster, only to end up looking like some extreme makeover gone wrong... His shoes, oh sweet designers of all generations. _Those shoes_... The shoes don't usually lie and it's a detail many for some reason fail to remember. The way he takes out his gun, the way he uses it... The handcuffs... The envelope I saw on the car floor, but it didn't really bother me at the time since I was too busy hoping he wouldn't kill you... Small little details here and there... Not to mention my own gut feelings. He's almost like the walking example of a bad undercover Agent gone wrong... Yet he made it so far in the food chain... I can only imagine if this changed Angelo's plans or not..."

"Are you sure?"

" _'Elementary, my dear Watson...'_ Not that I'm saying you'd be Watson," Tony added quickly, seeing the look Gibbs was giving him, with his eyes narrowed. "Not that I'm saying I'm Watson either."

"DiNozzo... _Shut up_... What you did there... FBI is going to visit us soon if you did what I think you did..." Gibbs sighed, letting go of the man's shoulder.

"He murdered all those innocent people and most likely more. The FBI would only be covering up the whole thing and he'll never be punished for his crimes. I merely revealed him to another criminal. So sue me."

"I'm not one to judge..."

"I know. I mean... You're not the only one doing background check on people they start to work with..." Tony cursed his little slip in his head.

Gibbs stared at him with narrowed eyes again. "DiNozzo... One of these days..."

As they were driving again, Gibbs kept glancing toward the young man who still seemed to be trembling. After closer observation, he realized it was the car doing it. There was no longer any outwards signs of any kind of distress.

"You know he might end up dead."

"Maybe, but it's not too likely to happen... Angelo— _Voltolini_ has some kind of plans, which could very well benefit from this new revelation... Unless he lied to me of course."

"Plans you care to share with me, DiNozzo?"

"Not really. Before you get all Marine angry with me Gibbs, it's because I don't really even know what they are. All I know is he's _trying_ to bring trouble... Not to others, but to himself and the people with him. Or maybe to others as well. But what do I know? I barely spent time with the man for one hour or so. Not that there was a way for me to check the time or anything..."

"DiNozzo..."

"Right... I'm rambling, I know... It's just... I can't explain it, but he's just one of those people who probably sold his sold to the devil or something... I mean, you can feel the kind of person he is if you know what to look for... I still don't really know what he wants from me... He honestly didn't seem to mind that I'm a cop and could very well start investigating his business... Although, I'm pretty sure I won't find anything..." He paused for a moment. "Well, not the usual ways anyway. If it's there, it's there, and there's always a way."

Gibbs didn't say anything. He only spoke after they stopped next to Tony's car, which much to the young man's almost tearful relief was untouched. By then it was dark and had they been outside the city, it would've been almost pitch black around them.

"I'm not even going to pretend I understood half of this, but I want _you_ to understand something, DiNozzo..."

Tony looked up only for a moment as he was looking for his huge first-aid kit in his car.

"You're not going to deal with any things like these alone anymore. I'll watch your six."

Taking out the first-aid kit, Tony started cleaning up Gibbs's wrists—which the man had tried covering up with the sleeves of his jacket—and then he wrapped up the painful looking wounds around both wrists. He only spoke once he was sure there was nothing too serious. "That sounds nice, Gibbs... Very nice... Does it mean you will let me do the same? Watch your six I mean. No running off on your own, unless it literally is the only opinion you have..."

Gibbs blinked. "You need to ask the obvious, DiNozzo?"

Tony stopped what he was doing for a moment and gave a small sad smile, stabbing something deep inside the older man's heart. "Yeah. I am asking the obvious. Because, Gibbs... The things is... If I sign up to do this job and I let you watch my six... It works both ways. There will be no middle ground. You let me watch your six. You won't go on some dangerous one man, Marine gone rogue, missions or anything... I understand if it's need to know case or something else like that, but anything outside those..."

Finished wrapping up the wrists, Tony put away the first-aid kit. The sling long forgotten somewhere, he rubbed his hurt shoulder. Leaning against his car, he waited for Gibbs to say something, anything, but instead the older man was somewhere deep in his own mind. Staring at the moon. "Gibbs... If you screw up, I'll be gone faster than you get a chance to head slap me. I won't tolerate being used or worse. Like being sent to some assignment without knowing all the details and without knowing I could end up being killed for it."

Gibbs finally looked up, but this time it was Tony who had gotten lost in his mind. Or rather in those memories of his again.

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

_Walking in the room, Tony felt tightening in his gut and the alarm bells had gone off long ago. Not really thinking much, but allowing his instincts to take over, he pulled out his gun and turned around, shooting the man shooting at him at the same time._

_Having barely avoided being shot while not even wearing his bulletproof vest, Tony stood up from where he had dropped himself and he stared at the dead body not too far from him. This was supposed to be a simple case of them only picking up some witness who was not involved in anything dangerous, not a possible gun fight situation. Surely Gibbs wouldn't send him in unprepared like this, right? Director probably would, but Gibbs?_

_Thinking this was something that was not even supposed to happen, maybe even outside their mission incident, Tony turned around._

_"You are okay, Tony?" Ziva stood up from behind the bed, where she had disappeared the moment Tony had taken out his gun. She didn't look surprised or even startled by what just happened. There was not even a_ hint _of surprise on her face or body language. And during the years he had become good at reading her.  
_

_Tony narrowed his eyes, seeing red._ Not again... Please, not again _... Was this another personal case of Ziva's? Was it possible they had stopped sharing any information with him completely? Since he had made it very clear after the last case that he would no longer fight her battles and be the walking target for the bad guys, and then the justice system when it all would come back to them. What was going on between this woman and Gibbs that they seemed to be going rogue and supporting each other all the time now?_

* * *

"It won't happen," Gibbs spoke, all serious, and Tony could read it in his eyes that the man meant every word. The problem was that he most likely knew the man better than Gibbs knew himself... Only time would tell...

There was bitter half-smile on Tony's face as looked at Gibbs. "Maybe, Gibbs... Maybe... Just promise me you won't lose your memory and _please_ avoid any explosive situations." Then he hesitated. "And never, _ever_ , use the words ' _you'll do_ ' with me... You do that and I'll just shoot you."

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

" _You'll do." And with that he was gone. Leaving the team behind in complete shock by what just happened._

_The most shocked one however was Tony, although it didn't show on his face. Holding Gibbs's badge and gun in his hands, he was feeling confused and lost. Abashed._ Why _? Why was this happening? Looking at the faces of the others, he had no idea how hard they were going to make the next months for him. How hard just surviving each day would become and how he would find out the hard way who were his true friends and who would hold this against him._

* * *

As if it had been _him_ who left them all behind. Instead of standing behind him or even with him, they stood against him.

Tony rubbed his forehead. Just thinking about that whole time only gave him a headache. And then the way Gibbs had returned. He had felt like the unwanted stepbrother who had to take up the role of the father when the man himself was gone.

"And _never_ throw my crap from one desk to another without discussing it with me first."

Gibbs looked completely bemused and the look on the man's face almost made Tony laugh. Perhaps he _was_ taking this all too seriously... Still... He was terrified to even take this step. Scared of following Gibbs 'again'. Like a lost puppy. Loyal St. Bernard all over again. It was not something he felt proud of.

"DiNozzo... Let's get going then..." Gibbs finally spoke, standing up. He really needed to speak with Ducky... He had no idea what Tony was talking about. Did he really seem so untrustworthy to him? He almost wanted to reveal he had heard DiNozzo talking to Ducky and then ask about that dream of his. _Almost_.

Before Gibbs could take another step toward his own car, Tony took hold of his arm. "Thanks... You know, for watching my six there. I don't know what could have happened if..."

"You gave me the keys, DiNozzo."

Tony blinked, letting go of the arm. "I didn't give you any keys..."

They both frowned, staring at each other. Just who had played who in this whole mess..?

Running his hand through his hair, Tony mentally cursed himself for once again having missed something, but right now he was too tired to even think about all that. "Gibbs... Before we start driving... I think we should get some coffee..."

"You think?"

* * *

Spacing around his room was Teddy, as mad as anyone could be. His whole plan had been shot down to hell. Worst part being, he had no idea who to blame.

The first thing Angelo had said to him was to leave Anthony alone. No reasons given. And then he had been given a crazy list of things he'd have to do instead. With that there would be no way for him to go forward with any of his original plans...

Cursing out loud, Teddy pushed the items off the desk in the room. One of them being a lamp and a rather expensive wine bottle. For a moment his vision went black. Shaking his head and mind back into focus, he sat down and took out a piece of paper. Staring at the photo he was holding, he smiled. "Things will only take a little bit longer then... And _you_ still have to play your part in it, Anthony..."

* * *

As he was driving on the dark road, following Gibbs's car, Tony was almost shocked to realize Gibbs was driving barely under the actual speed limit. It could be because the man was also tired or maybe his wrists were giving him a hard time. There was no way however that it was so he could keep up with Gibbs...

Sneezing hard, Tony's hand went to his pocket for some tissue, which he knew he had in there. Instead he took out a piece of paper. Wiping clean his nose on the tissue, he looked at the paper closer, while trying to at the same time keep his eyes on the dark road. The paper had a phone number on it. He didn't have to be told to know it was Angelo's. Suddenly angry, he opened the window and threw the paper out. Deciding with that to wipe off the whole incident. At the same time he knew though that one way or another this would come back to bite his ass.

He couldn't have been more right. The phone, which he had before left in his car, started ringing. Picking it up he was prepared to hear Gibbs's voice. "I don't have more coffee left, Gibbs. I swear. Just finished my last one."

" _Anthony._ "

Tony froze, hearing that voice.

" _I gave you that number for a reason._ "

Thanks to the moment of shock Tony hadn't realized he had left the road, until he hit the closest tree. "Mr. Voltolini..." he gasped, trying to ignore the pain that shot through his hurt arm the moment his car had kissed the tree.

" _I am terribly sorry, Anthony... I did not think my call would make you crash your car... It was a very nice car. Are you alright?_ " The man actually did sound sorry.

"What do you want?" Tony rubbed his head. He could already hear someone running toward his car. Gibbs most likely. He _hoped_ it was Gibbs...

" _I meant it when I said we will continue our talk later. There are few things I really would like to share with you. I can wait, but do not lose the number I gave you. It is my private one. So take out a piece of paper and pen, which I am sure you have in the glove box. I will tell you the number again and I want you to write it down._ "

Tony sighed. He really didn't need this... "There's no need... It's already in my memory, whether I want or not..."

" _Ah... So you have eidetic—_ "

Tony ended the call, barely in time as the door on his side was yanked open forcefully. Frantic looking Gibbs looked wide awake as his eyes darted over his body and face, trying to spot any wounds. "You fell asleep..?"

Tony stared at the man for a while. Wondering whether he should share the reason for his crash at the tree or not. Instead he flashed his trademark grin. "Well, not exactly. More like dozed off."

Letting out a breath he hadn't even noticed he'd been holding in, Gibbs pulled Tony out of the car. "Take whatever is important with you and then let's get to my car..."

" _Your_ car? Why? Wait... My car!"

Gibbs wasn't sure whether to be amused, annoyed, relieved or angry when the man started going through the damage as much as he could in the darkness where the only lights were from his own car, the stars and the moon. Without saying anything, Gibbs picked up all the things from Tony's car, which luckily wasn't much.

"I'm not leaving her in here!" Tony started protesting the moment Gibbs started dragging him away and barely allowing the moment to take the keys and to lock the doors.

"You'll call someone to pick it up in the morning."

" _In the morning_!? I'm not leaving her here all night long!"

"DiNozzo..."

"I'll call someone in the morning..." Tony muttered. As he sat down in Gibbs's car, he tried to see if anyone was watching them. There had to be some reason Angelo had been talking as if he had been there himself... Or was he really so good at guessing what his actions would be when he would find the paper?

"You sure you're okay, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked, noticing how silent Tony was.

"Yeah. I wasn't even driving fast..."

"Tony... Please tell me you know you can trust me..." Gibbs sounded suddenly very tired, which wasn't surprising as this was about to be another night without sleep.

"I know. I'm sorry..."

"About what?"

Now that it was just Gibbs's car, the man threw away his careful driving. Making Tony grab the door handle.

"Just... I kind of trust you..."

" _Kind of_?"

"I got a phone call and... I don't know. I guess I'm not ready to share everything with you. Not yet."

There was a long silence between the two men. Finally breaking it, Gibbs sighed softly. "Fine... You talk to me when you feel ready. Just don't wait until I have found it out on my own. I _will_ try to find it out on my own you know."

"I know. You wouldn't be you if you didn't."

"Get some sleep..."

"What about you?"

"I'm not the one who crashes his car because I haven't slept enough. Just sleep. I'll wake you up when we're home. It won't take long."

"Not with your driving..." _Home_... Tony felt all warm and fuzzy, thinking about it, although he tried to deny it.

"You said something?" Gibbs growled, only to get silence as the answer. Tony had fallen asleep as soon as he closed his eyes. Deep sleep by the looks of it.

Reaching over his hand, Gibbs brushed away the unruly hair over the young man's forehead and he sighed, seeing there the red mark caused by the crash. "You really need a haircut..." He couldn't help but wonder if DiNozzo had even noticed hitting his head, _again_. Hopefully not hard enough to get another concussion... "I've got a feeling I'll be having my hands full with you around, DiNozzo..."


	24. Are We Doing The Right Thing?

Waking up in familiar bed, Tony blinked his eyes several times before he even realized where he was. Gibbs's guest room, _again_. Strangely enough he had no memory of how he had ended up there. The last memory he had was staring outside the car window before he fell asleep. In Gibbs's car—

 _The car!_ Tony sat up fast, trying to find his phone, which wasn't there.

"Calm down before you hurt yourself even more, DiNozzo. Ducky is already going to chew out both of us the moment he sees us... And most of all, when he finds out you have not been using your sling."

Tony stared at the older man standing at the doorway. Gibbs was sipping his coffee calmly and from the looks of it, it had to be the third one. He really needed one as well. "My car..."

"Called an old friend of mine. He'll bring it here later tomorrow and then you can look over the damage all you want, without fixing anything with that arm of yours."

Tony couldn't stop the relieved sigh coming from the depths of his heart. "My phone..?"

"On the floor. You must've hit it down during the night."

Tony frowned and glanced on the floor. Indeed, there it was.

"Get up now. Although neither one of us is going to be working for a while, Ducky and Director are waiting for us."

"Wonderful..." Tony grimaced.

"There's coffee and pancakes in the kitchen, so get up before it all ends up in my own mouth."

Tony stared after the man as he left. Pancakes. Like Gibbs ever made them for himself... Then again, Gibbs _would_ drink all the coffee if he didn't get down in the kitchen. _Now_.

Struggling to get free from the sheets around his feet and trying to get up, he ended up falling down on the floor _._ Luckily on his unhurt side. Still trying to free himself from the sheets, he heard someone running up the stairs and then Gibbs rushed in the room. Staring at his young guest, who was in a rather questionable position on the floor, he let out a long suffering sigh and left the room.

"Sure could've used some help..." Tony mumbled as he kept fighting until his sleepy mind finally figured out how to untangle himself.

Walking in the kitchen a moment later and smelling both coffee and Gibbs's pancakes brought back so many memories, which he was trying really hard to ignore. He really wasn't in the mood for that so early in the morning. "You know, just plain toast would've been fine..."

"You complaining?" Gibbs glared at him, although it was lacking its usual strength, or maybe he was still not awake enough to pay too much attention to it.

"No. Not me. Not at all. Pancakes sounds great." Tony yawned. Sitting down behind the kitchen table, he watched behind half closed eyelids as Gibbs prepared him both the pancakes and coffee.

Gibbs frowned as Tony, still half asleep, covered the pancakes completely with the maple syrup. He finally took the bottle from him when the plate wasn't able to hold more. Shrugging, Tony started eating. Gibbs visibly shuddered and he _had_ to ask. "That enough syrup for you, DiNozzo?"

"Too much..."

"Well you better eat it all or I'll feed you myself."

Tony stopped eating for a moment and gave him a blank stare before he went back to eating. "Didn't say I wouldn't eat it..." Once he had finished both his second plate of pancakes with much less syrup on them and coffee, he felt suddenly much more awake.

"You finally with the living now, DiNozzo?" Gibbs sounded amused.

"You're one to talk. It's like the coffee is your brain or something..."

Ignoring the comment, Gibbs finished his last—bigger than average—cup of coffee. "Get dressed. We'll be going in fifteen minutes."

Only now Tony realized someone must've changed his clothes into a pair of clean briefs and T-shirt. Trying not to think about it too much, he shrugged. "All my clothes burned in the fire, remember? And the only ones I've got left are kind of smelling bad..."

"There's some clothes next to your bed, if you didn't see them already... We can later go do some shopping..."

Tony grinned at the unhappy frown Gibbs gave at the mere thought of shopping for clothes. "You should realize that my taste is completely different from yours, Gibbs... And when I shop... Well... Some people claim that on worst days, I can outdo at shopping even some of the women..."

Gibbs frowned even more, not understanding how women could spend hours after hours shopping and even less how any men could do the same. A pair of pants and a shirt, and maybe some socks and shoes. What else would you need?

Reading the unsaid questions on the older man's face, Tony's grin became even wider. "You'd be surprised, Gibbs... By the difference between clothes and... _clothes_."

The look on the older man's face told the former Detective exactly what he thought of that.

Tony had to make himself stop grinning as it was starting to hurt his cheeks now. It was good to know that some things hadn't changed. It made him feel... oddly nostalgic. Although, how do you even feel nostalgic over something that wasn't real? How was he going to live his life from now on? What if he'd repeat the same mistakes? And go through the same hurt and feelings of betrayal as 'before'? What would he do then? Those were the questions he'd been asking himself over and over again in these days.

Tony frowned, and without realizing it, he raised his hand toward his head and touched his temple. With the memory so fresh and vivid, he was still not completely sure if it truly had been nothing but a dream...

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

_He closed the door and the keys slipped from his hand, but he wasn't even bothering to pick them up. He was fairly sure he wouldn't be standing up anytime soon if he'd get too close to the floor right now. Walking toward the living room, he leaned heavily against the walls and anything that he could use to keep himself upright._

_Finally making it to the couch, Tony let out a weary sigh and sat down. He knew he should use this chance to get some sleep or order in some food to eat, but he simply sat there staring at his hands, which were more steady than they should be as they held the gun._

_At times such as these he was wondering how he should do it. In the head? Or maybe he should put it in his mouth instead? He sure wouldn't do it using any pills. Couldn't take the chance of something going wrong and failing. Using the knife? Too dramatic and still not fast enough. And he sure wasn't going to hang himself. He was already traumatized enough by not being able to breathe. It wasn't how he wanted to go. He felt his mouth twist into a grim smile. Perhaps he should take another one of Jenny's many undercover missions and let the bad guys do the job? At least then he'd go down with style and no one would be any wiser._

_Pressing the gun against his temple, and just like so many nights before this one, Tony closed his eyes and simply enjoyed feeling the cold metal against his skin. Maybe one of these days he'd go to the next level and start playing 'Russian roulette' on his own...  
_

_It was strange how even their bad guy today became completely creeped out when he pretty much urged the man to kill him—and later that same criminal told_ him _to '_ go and get some help _'—and yet Ziva and McGee hadn't been any wiser. Then again they did come to the scene late, which was something that kept happening far too often. Even Lee seemed confused at the way those two—and even Abby—behaved. Lee tried questioning it once, but found out the hard way that it was better to stay out of Ziva's way._

_He almost missed Vivian... As much as the woman had been pain in the ass to work with, it was nothing compared to his current 'partners'. Thank God for Jimmy and Jeanne. Those two probably held the remains of his sanity, even if the latter relationship would be sooner or later shot down to hell..._

_His phone rang and Tony opened his eyes. It was the other phone. Jeanne..._

_Putting back the safety, he let the gun fall on the floor. Tomorrow... He'd do it tomorrow... Or the day after... Someday. Soon. He knew he wouldn't last long, and with Gibbs gone... The old Gibbs would have slapped some sense into his head by now, but this Gibbs didn't even remember him nor would he be shedding a tear had he walked in to find his cold dead body._

_Picking up the ringing phone, Tony spoke with softness only reserved for her. "Jeanne... Now..? No, of course not. I just came home. Long day at work... Sure. I'm on my way..."_

* * *

"Tony? Does your head hurt?" Gibbs asked.

Tony shook his head and moved his hand away from his head. "Gibbs. Can you promise me something?"

"Depends."

"Don't become my lifeline."

"What?"

"Ever."

To Gibbs's credit, his bemused look was gone sooner than it had appeared on his face. "DiNozzo... What on earth—?"

Tony shook his head. "Forget it. It's something stupid. I'll go put on those clothes..." He left the room before Gibbs had a chance to say anything. Knowing this was a lost case, he didn't really want to talk more about this. The former Marine was and would always be his lifeline. Even if he had never told it to the man. Dream or reality, it didn't matter. This would end up badly. He just knew it. It always did.

The truth was, his biggest fear wasn't his messed up head getting someone killed. He was pretty sure he could do his work just fine by now. He was more afraid of getting hurt all over again. It sounded so pathetic even in his own head, but he was afraid his father figure _from a dream_ would be letting him down. That he would end up trusting the man, only to be betrayed. Yet he hadn't been able to stop himself from following Gibbs like some lost puppy. Just like 'before'. But the idea of Gibbs not having anyone to watch his six right now... That Gibbs could end up dead because he hadn't been there... Thinking that Gibbs had died in that explosion—which had brought back too many bad memories and deeply hidden feelings—had made up his mind for him.

Tony finished changing into his borrowed clothes and only then noticed he was wearing that same pair of pants and shirt he'd been borrowing so many times before...

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

" _Hey, boss! On your next birthday I'm going to get you some real clothes," Tony said as he walked down the stairs.  
_

_Gibbs looked up and hid his smirk at the way his old clothes from his late teenage years fit the kid. This almost thirty years old big child..._ " _You don't know when my birthday is, DiNozzo..."_

" _Of course I do! I mean, how else had I known to..." Tony bit his lip, but the secret was already out and he knew it when Gibbs actually smiled. So_ that's _were the anonymous gift had appeared from on his desk during his last birthday..._ " _Nevermind... Hey, boss."_

" _Hmh?"_

" _We should have a slumber party! Abby would love it, don't you think? Some popcorn, a good movie or few... Scary stories, so none of us can sleep for a week... Oh! And pizza! You can't forget pizza!"_

_Gibbs had to hold himself back to not call DiNozzo a kid, but his thoughts were clear on his face for Tony who was fast learning how to read him. Before Tony had time to feel offended, Gibbs growled out. "DiNozzo. Go to sleep!"_

_Rubbing the back of his head at the imaginary head slap, Tony grinned sheepishly. "On it..."_

* * *

Brushing his fingers over the shirt a little too gently, Tony smiled at the memory. Although he had not mentioned it to anyone else after it, a week later Abby arranged a little 'slumber party' at Gibbs's place for the three of them. With popcorn, movies and pizza. They—he and Abby—fell asleep soon after the scary stories though. During the whole time Gibbs had growled this and that, but it was obvious the older man was only acting annoyed and he was many times caught trying to hide his smile.

"I should have never come..."

Gibbs stood at the doorway and observed his young guest, hoping the man would be able to keep up his good Agent act or they'd be both in trouble... For the first time he was truly starting to doubt his gut feeling and if he had done the right thing, bringing DiNozzo with him...


	25. You Can Run Or You Can Learn From It

The moment Tony stepped in the morgue, Ducky was almost ready to throw a fit and take Tony to the hospital himself. The Ducky now, in this reality, had no idea yet what kind of trouble magnet his new friend was and how little he took care of himself.

"Ducky... It's really not as bad as it looks..." Tony complained as he kept wriggling on the cold autopsy table, wearing nothing but his briefs, as Ducky insisted making sure there were no other injuries hidden from him. He had forgotten how there were times when Ducky could be almost as scary as Gibbs if he ever got into such mood...

"I must say, dear Anthony, that I am starting to wonder what your definition of the words ' _not so bad as it looks_ ' and most of all ' _I'm fine_ ' really are..." Ducky shook his head. He wasn't angry anymore, but he was upset how the arm was in worse condition than before, when he had seen it last time not too long ago. "There, all done. You should still go to the hospital, my dear boy... It could end up getting even worse. I would hate to see you losing your arm."

 _Such over reacting_... Tony almost rolled his eyes. "Ducky, I really am _fine_..."

Ducky seemed extremely unconvinced, while Tony was more than happy to put the clothes back on, which wasn't the easiest thing to do with only one hand and Ducky had made sure his hurt arm was now tightly and unmoving against his body.

"And where is Jethro? I must admit that I am very curious indeed to find out his secret of getting you to come back."

"He went to see the Director..." Tony answered and was silently grateful when Ducky had mercy on him and helped putting the clothes back on. "As for how I'm here... Well... Where _should_ I even begin... My partner turned out to be a dirty cop, but he's paying the price now, which is much better than ending up in your body bag. My old boss was much worse. I quit my job and the boss killed himself. He was about to be revealed to everyone what type of cop he really was and... A bomb destroyed my apartment, along a huge part of the whole building... People got killed and hurt... There were some bad guys involved here and there and we ended up being kidnapped, only to have their boss let us go... I don't know. Somewhere, somehow I ended up coming here." Tony left out his little crash with the car, not to mention that he had been driving the thing in the first place.

There was undeniable twinkle in the older man's eyes when he smiled. "Does this mean I will be enjoying your company more often now, Anthony?"

Tony's mouth twisted into a smile as he thought ' _oh, you have no idea..._ ' He would surely need Ducky's doctor skills and story telling distraction, more than the man would maybe ever know. "Perhaps, Ducky. Perhaps. I'm sure the final word is up to the Director though... He was always my favorite Director among the three of them..."

Ducky chuckled. "In that case, I shall be expecting to hear more about that dream of yours..."

"I'll keep that in mind, but I would much rather listen to you and your stories, even if I might have heard them before already..."

The two men chuckled at their shared little 'inside joke' and just as Tony was about to leave the room, he suddenly remembered why he was there in the first place. Gibbs—the bastard—had forced him down there.

"Oh. I think you might want to know the real reason Gibbs didn't come to see you himself. That coward. He's hurt too. You might want to take a look at his wrists. They looked both pretty bad and although I did my best at cleaning them up and wrapping up the wounds, it is as you've been saying: Between me and you, you're the doctor."

Tony left the morgue feeling satisfied, knowing full well Gibbs would not be leaving the Navy Yard without Ducky finding him first, and even if he did somehow manage to escape, Ducky would make it into a 'home visit'. Revenge was sweet and if he had to and was pushed into it, he could be just as much of a bastard as the Mr. 'second b for bastard'. After all, he had learned from the master...

Ducky shook his head and chuckled. What was he going to do with not only one but two of the probably most stubborn men around?

* * *

Gibbs made sure his sleeves were covering the bandages around his wrists. He really was not in the mood to explain the wounds as that would lead to a whole another discussion of what had happened while he'd been away. Satisfied that you could hardly notice anything—unless you knew what to look for—Gibbs opened the door without knocking and stepped inside.

"Ah... Agent Gibbs..." There was hint of sarcasm in Director Morrow's voice as he looked at the man stepping inside the room.

"Tom." Gibbs simply nodded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"So..."

"The ultimatum. I've made up my mind."

Tom's eyebrows almost disappeared somewhere up on his forehead as he could hardly hide his surprise. Gibbs wasn't one to give in to any kind of ultimatums, but now he had and in time that was way under the deadline. There had to be some kind of catch...

"DiNozzo."

Tom blinked and then it dawned on him. "What? You chose that Detective?"

"Yep." Gibbs raised up his chin in a stubborn manner and the look on his face dared anyone to argue with him.

"Okay then."

"Okay?"

"Okay." Tom had smug look on his face and he didn't even try to hide it, much to annoyance of Gibbs. Oh, he had gotten one on Gibbs... "The truth is, I was going to offer him a job anyway. I just wasn't sure what would have been the best way to do it, seeing as he's been turning down offers from day one since he became a cop. One problem solved then. Assuming you got him to agree with this and you're not doing this behind his back?"

"He knows..."

"Good. Since he's still on sick leave and you're not working right now either, we can deal with the paper work and any other work related details later."

Before Gibbs got the chance to leave, Tom spoke again. He just had to know... It wasn't everyday that Gibbs of all people would choose someone to work with. Someone whom he most likely hardly even knew yet. "So tell me... Is this one of those infamous gut feelings of yours or what? Is he going to be the next Agent Gibbs?" God, he prayed that wasn't the case... He didn't need another Gibbs to deal with.

There was a smug half-smile on Gibbs's face as he answered with unwavering certainty. "No. He'll be the 'next' Agent DiNozzo."

* * *

 

While Gibbs was with the Director, Tony walked in the bullpen and looked at the steady working that was going on in there. Leaning against the wall he nearly started laughing at the movie quote popping in his head. A children's movie of all things... ' _Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it...'_ Children's movie or not, that quote did have some wisdom in it... That and Ducky's ' _don't make any decisions in anger_ '.

Hearing the elevator's ' _ding_ ' sound, Tony didn't think much of it, until he recognized the sound those shoes made on the floor. He grimaced and put on a neutral mask on his face before he turned to look at the young lab goth spotting him and then running toward him. ' _Well, there are some things a man just can't run away from_...'

Tony was overwhelmed by flashbacks of Abby. Many of them with her running toward him, giving him her bone crushing hugs, jumping on him, hugging some more... She really had always liked hugging and physical contact in general. Whereas he had always both craved and feared it at the same time. For a second Tony almost feared the woman would indeed give him one of those bone crushing hugs and as much as he had told Ducky he was fine, he really could do without one of those right now. Even Abby seemed to be very uncertain and her arms looked almost like nailed to her sides as she had to hold herself back to _not_ give a hug.

"Abigail." Tony nodded and Abby's eyes were filled with tears. "Gibbs is with the Director. I'm sure he'll be out soon enough."

"No, that's not what I... I'm..."

"What?"

"Thank you... You know..."

"Not exactly..." Tony frowned.

"Caf-Pow. I know _you_ brought it to me. Only you. I know Gibbs never told you to... And I was... I was bad. No, that's not right... I was _horrible_! Can you ever forgive me?"

"Abby... I wouldn't go that far... I've met people way worse than you..." Tony's mouth twisted into a small smile.

"Oh!"

Tony was completely unprepared, which was why he let out a loud and somewhat high-pitched yelp as he not only felt but heard his bones making a cracking sound when Abby finally jumped him, hugging him tightly.

"You finally called me Abby..! Don't _ever_ call me Abigail! It sounds so... So... So _formal_. And cold," she finally said with great distaste.

"Abby... _Abbs_... Abby!"

Abby looked horrified as she finally let go of the man, seeing how pale Tony was. "Oh no! Your arm! I totally forgot your arm! I'm so sorry!"

Tony didn't whimper, but it was close. "Abby... It's fine... _I'm_ fine... I just... Kind of would like to sit down for a minute..."

It was as if all her hesitation was gone as she wrapped her arm around Tony's waist and put his good arm over her shoulder.

He gave her a funny look. "I'm not going to faint... DiNozzos do not faint. I just need to sit down for a moment..."

"Don't start arguing with me, Tony-boy. We will go to my lab where you can lie down or sit and then we can talk."

"Abi— _Abby_. I'm not exactly in a mood to talk with anyone right now and as soon as Gibbs comes, we will leave." Tony decided to leave out the fact that they might stay there a little bit longer if Ducky got his hands on Gibbs.

"Please, Tony..."

Tony grimaced at the pouting not fit on the face of a woman her age. At least she wasn't in her forties... Even so, he was powerless against it with his current mental state and with the painful wound giving him a hard time. "Fine... But let me walk on my own. I've already gotten kidnapped and injured during my last, very short, stay in here when I was 'helping' with the case. I would at the very least very much like to keep my remaining dignity if I'm going to start working here..."

Abby looked at him sharply at this, but didn't say anything as she let go of him. The two of them made it to the lab in complete silence and despite the heavy atmosphere, Tony was relieved when he was finally able to sit down. Even if he was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. He felt surprisingly tired. Ducky must've slipped a little bit of something in the tea he had given to him before... He felt angry and yet he could never hate Ducky.

Tony sighed, feeling her eyes on him even without opening his eyes, which he had closed the moment he sat down. "I can feel you staring at me, Abby... What is it?"

"Is it true? Will you be working here? Working with Bossman?"

"So it seems. I figured I could try out another place for two years. I'm pretty sure by now you know about my two years timeline at my previous working places."

"Two years... Guess I can live with that..." Abby grinned and Tony opened his eyes with a snort.

"Don't get too happy. As you probably know, I am very accident prone. Always have been and always will be. Don't ask me why. I almost got Gibbs killed in a bomb explosion, and again because of some bad guys who were after me. He injured his wrists because of it. And we can't forget those big bad guys trying to kill us with their big bad guns, way before any of those things happened. Oh, and I also crashed my car. Lucky that Gibbs wasn't in it. I might have forgotten something, but that pretty much sums it up."

Abby was chewing her bottom lip, looking uncomfortable. Part of her wanted to tell this newbie that she could kill him without leaving any evidence behind, but... "Yeah... I know... Gibbs already told me when I called him this morning..." And her Bossman had actually _warned_ _her_ for doing anything 'stupid' like threatening this new golden boy here— _Stop it!_ she scolded herself. She had already been scolded by Ducky for acting like some spoiled brat.

However, she was still wondering what it was about this man here that it made her beloved Gibbs act _so not_ like Gibbs. Even her deeper than deep background check—or few—hadn't been able to solve all of the mysteries. If any. Surely Gibbs wasn't interested in DiNozzo because of the past full of unanswered questions? It wasn't like the man was the only one with some secret past and full potential to become a good Agent that had come across them. Or was it truly because of Gibbs's gut feeling? Not that she would _ever_ doubt Gibbs, but _still._..

Tony rolled his eyes. "Figures... And don't ask me why Gibbs felt the need to drag me here with him. Once he sets his mind on something, he becomes obsessed... So I agreed to give it a try. He's like... Like a mad dog with a bone he's unwilling to give up."

"Hey! Don't compare Bossman to a dog!"

"I've been nicknamed loyal St. Bernard by some. Besides, I compared myself to some dead bone between his teeth, so I don't see the reason to get upset. Also... ' _We all go a little mad sometimes_.' Although when _he_ gets mad, he gets Captain Ahab mad... Trust me, I know... Don't ask me how I know it. That's a secret."

Abby blinked and then grinned widely. "That was from Psycho, wasn't it!? Alfred Hitchcock?"

"Maybe." Tony flashed his trademark smile and seeing the full megawatt for the first time in person, Abby was blinded by it for a moment.

"Okay... Maybe I kind of could like you... I mean... Really? Psycho? Captain Ahab?"

Hidden from their eyes was Gibbs and he chuckled inwardly as he stood at the door. He had almost walked in when he had heard the two of them talking.

_'...figured I could try out another place for two years. I'm pretty sure by now you know about my two year timeline at my previous working places.'_

_'Two years... Guess I can live with that...'_

Two years? Was the now former Detective really going to set such timeline as that? Stay for two years and then skip the town? Not on his watch... Gibbs was also feeling rather dismayed at the way Tony had mentioned their little 'adventure' back in Baltimore. And those nicknames... Bernard? Ahab? Comparing him to a mad dog? He was almost missing the fox in a henhouse parable. Almost.

At least the enmity between the two 'kids' seemed to be forgotten. From the sound of their enthusiastic chatter, maybe they'll even get along. What were they talking about anyway? Sounded like some movie quotes and names Gibbs had never even heard of. Not that he'd really been watching too many movies during his whole lifetime anyway. Such a waste of time in his opinion, as life was way too short for that... He couldn't help but smile as he observed those two, both of them almost thirty years old big children. He wasn't sure yet which one of them was the biggest kid...

Gibbs was so focused observing the two that he didn't notice anyone behind him, until he felt the hand on his shoulder. Startled, he turned around. "Ah... Ducky... Morning..."

"Good morning, Jethro."

Gibbs frowned. There was odd gleam in Ducky's eyes and the man's voice was full of the sweetest honey. Then he noticed someone observing them with a smug and full 1000 megawatt grin on his face.

Still talking with Abby, who hadn't noticed anything, Tony felt the day had suddenly become so much better when he saw Ducky taking full control of the situation in less than few seconds.

_That... DiNozzo..!_ Gibbs growled in his mind. This was truly a head slap worthy action from the young man...

"Do not be hard on our dear boy, Jethro. He is only making sure you are being taken care of."

"Oh, I'm sure he is..."

Ducky didn't let Gibbs argue back and somehow managed to 'sweet talk' his friend into following him. It would be couple of hours later when Tony and Gibbs could finally leave the Navy Yard—since Gibbs's other wrist needed some serious tending—which worked just fine for Tony who finally couldn't keep his eyes open any longer and he took a nap in the lab.

As soon as Ducky wasn't around anymore and it was just him and one very smug DiNozzo, Gibbs delivered the head slap.


	26. The New Beginning

Stepping outside into the sun, Tony took a deep breath. The air in the city was surprisingly fresh right now. Even the sky was clear and the sun was shining, and he was now _finally_ officially cleared fit enough to be working in the field. Too bad he had still hours after hours of extra studying waiting for him before he would become officially NCIS Agent. Honestly, he knew he would pass that thing with his eyes closed and hands tied behind his back if he'd have to. Unless it was that one detail different from his dream, which would be just his luck and then he'd be majorly screwed...

He had been in D.C. for couple of months now and he was still living with Gibbs, who for some reason hadn't kicked him out. _Yet_. Even if they did have their arguments, and one or few of them involved epic levels of stubbornness. But even so, he wasn't going to test his luck any longer, which was why he was going to see a few apartments to either buy or rent. He wasn't too picky.

Well... As long as it wasn't any of the apartments he'd been living in the dream reality and the apartment was close enough—but not too close—to the Navy Yard, he was pretty much willing to live in a complete dump, or even use some of 'that money' he had never before touched to buy some fancy place. Frankly, right now he could care less what kind of place it was. The only problem was how he'd keep his apartment a secret from other people. Especially Gibbs. He knew there was no way Gibbs would be okay with any kind of place _he'd_ be fine with.

"Oh no..." Tony sighed when he saw the familiar car and the person leaning against it. The car was parked in such place that he had no way to sneak away, so he sighed again and forced a bright smile on his face and walked toward the car. "Gibbs... What are you doing here? Waiting for someone?"

Gibbs glared and waited for the young man to be close enough to deliver the head slap he had wanted to give since that morning.

"What was that for?" Tony whined and rubbed the back of his head. It sure hurt when the old man truly wanted it to hurt.

"What did I tell you yesterday?"

"To not leave my socks all over the house?" Tony sighed at the glare. Sometimes it would be better to not know what the man was saying when he wasn't saying anything out loud... "To tell you when I was going to see the doctor."

"So why did you sneak out while I was sleeping?"

"Ah... It's just... Gibbs... Listen..."

Gibbs gave him his ' _I'm waiting_ ' look.

"I figured I've been enough of a bother by now. Living in your place and eating your food. You taking me everywhere with your car and me driving you crazy when I can't keep my mouth shut... You haven't slept a whole lot lately and you look like you really need to get some rest, and I can drive my own car just fine by now, which _is_ finally completely fixed by the way..."

Gibbs frowned. Not understanding why the ' _being a bother_ ' talk was bothering him so much. "DiNozzo..."

"I'm sorry you had to come all the way here, but I've got my car and I have some things to do. You really, _really_ , should go and get some sleep while you can."

Gibbs ignored the needing to sleep comment. Instead he perked up at the ' _things to do_ ' part. He'd noticed how DiNozzo had been awfully restless lately and obviously hiding something from him. "What things?"

Tony cursed himself for opening his big mouth. "Ah, you know. Need to buy this and that, and enjoy my last days of freedom before the real work begins... You know, other than going through the cold cases and studying..."

For a moment Gibbs looked as if he'd say something more, but to Tony's great relief he nodded. "Fine. Just let me know if you need anything. I _mean_ it, DiNozzo!"

"Got it, boss." Tony grinned. He hadn't lately tried stopping himself from calling the older man his boss and Gibbs seemed more than pleased to hear it. "See you later then," he said and hurried to his own car, before Gibbs decided to change his mind. He didn't see the look on Gibbs's face or the narrowing of his eyes.

* * *

Several apartments later and more tired than he cared to admit, Tony finally smiled. "This is it."

The guy who had been unfortunate enough to have to be the one showing him all those apartments during the last five hours or so, sighed with relief written all over his face. His once neat hair was sticking up in places where he'd been running his sweaty hands over his head more than once in great frustration. His tie was loose and the first button of his shirt had been opened after the first two hours. His skin was covered in sweat, which really didn't look good on the shirt.

"Really? You're sure?" the man asked. He had been in this business for almost ten years and had never come across such demanding client as this DiNozzo guy. Everything seemed to be wrong. The kitchen was too small, there were holes in the wall, the toilet made strange noises or he didn't like the neighbor... The guy went through everything!

Tony turned around to look at the man and couldn't stop the Cheshire cat smile spreading on his face. "Well, now that you mentioned it..." he started and then chuckled as the poor man had pure look of horror and desperation on his face. He looked like a man about to burst into tears. "Just kidding. This is perfect. I'll take it."

"Great! I mean... _Good_. I'll... make few phone calls and make sure all the paperwork and such is done before you know it."

Tony nodded, knowing the man was more than happy to get rid of him as soon as he could. "That's good. I'll go get something to eat while you do that. Call me when it's done." Without waiting for an answer, he left the apartment and then the building, rolling his eyes when he saw the car parked in the middle of the street and the driver completely ignoring the angry yelling from someone.

As he walked past his own car and toward the coffeehouse, which he had seen before, he wasn't even surprised to hear the sound of a car door opening and then closing or the footsteps following after him.

Ordering two cups of coffee and couple of sandwiches, Tony sat down in the darkest corner table there was and chuckled as the man following him stepped inside, looking around to find him and finally spotting him there, walked toward the table.

"In the middle of the street? Really, Gibbs?"

Gibbs glared and sat down. "All the other places were taken."

"You mean all the places where you can keep your eyes on the door."

Gibbs's only answer was to glare even harder so Tony nodded toward the other coffee cup—the bigger one—which Gibbs happily took. Even happier was he when it was just the way he liked.

The men were drinking their coffee and eating their sandwiches in silence. Tony paid attention to the rather stiff way Gibbs was sitting and he finally broke the silence between them. "It hurts to sit there after the five hours of sitting in the car, doesn't it? So did you get Abby to check out all the places or did you do it yourself?"

Ordering another cup of coffee, Gibbs finally looked at him, properly. "Was it so bad?"

"What was?"

"Staying with me."

Tony watched in bemusement as the former Marine was actually nibbling at his half eaten sandwich. And sulking. It could almost look cute, except it didn't.

"No. That's not it... Boss... I've already been living too long with you. As grateful as I am that you offered me a place to stay, I think you and I can both agree that I should get my own place. My arm and shoulder is in perfect condition and you'll get your home back for you only. And no offense, but wouldn't it be kind of strange if someone asks me where I live and my answer would be 'with my boss'? Not to mention if _you_ want to bring a woman there. That would be just... Awkward... Again, no offense, but that's something I really don't want to witness."

Tony couldn't help but think how—while obviously uncomfortable—he hadn't felt same kind of awkwardness toward Senior's unashamed in your face relationships with the many women while he still lived with the man as a kid. It was yet another curious aspect to the many similarities and differences between Senior and Gibbs and his relationship with them...

During their weeks together, Gibbs had slowly started to see the difference between real and fake smiles, and now he noticed how the grin on Tony's face looked forced. Or he would like to think that he was able to tell the difference, having seen the real smile only few times. And no matter how small it might have been, he somehow preferred seeing that smile over any dazzling DiNozzo megawatt smiles...

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_Sitting down in the living room, Gibbs let out a weary sigh. Ducky hadn't gone easy on him for trying to hide his wounds from the man. Didn't matter that the wounds weren't such a big deal anyway. DiNozzo had done surprisingly good job, wrapping up his wrists, which made both older men question whether it was a good or bad thing that their young friend knew so well how to treat such wounds._

_Looking next to him, he frowned slightly as Tony sat down. There were clear lines of pain on the young man's face and his eyes were closed. He kept brushing his hurt arm with his good hand._

" _Ducky gave you anything?"_

_Tony opened his eyes and shrugged. "Most likely..."_

" _'Most likely'?"_

" _I think there was something in that tea he made me drink... Made me really sleepy..."_

" _Ah..." Gibbs chuckled. Of course Ducky would do that... The man could be almost as bad as him sometimes when it came to breaking the rules._

Tony frowned, not looking even remotely amused. " _Not funny, boss. I_ told _him I don't want anything. That was wrong on so many levels."_

_Gibbs couldn't deny the happy feeling he got when he was called boss. Even more when unlike the other times, DiNozzo didn't flinch or look like he had said something wrong either._

" _Did Ducky give_ you _anything?" Tony returned the question, with that smug grin on his face again and Gibbs narrowed his eyes._

" _Never do something like that again. You hear me?"_

_The kid had the nerve to simply shrug, without losing the grin. "Can't promise something I can't keep, boss."_

_Giving a soft head slap—which was becoming more like second nature to him—Gibbs stood up. "Make some coffee. We'll go shopping later..." And he wasn't going to complain_ too _much if they'd indeed end up spending hours going from store to store. Not that he would say it out loud of course._

_Tony didn't move from his spot and Gibbs opened his mouth to speak again, but Tony was faster._ " _Why didn't you ask me?"_

" _Ask about what?"_

" _When I first came here... Our talk in the elevator..."_

_Gibbs blinked and then grimaced inwardly. How could he tell DiNozzo he had heard the talk with Ducky?_ " _I forgot." Wrong answer, he realized as he saw the look on Tony's face. Obviously not believing him._ " _I'll figure out the answer on my own. I always do and always will. Unless you want to tell me yourself?" he challenged.  
_

_Tony shook his head and for a moment he seemed to be lost in his mind, which was something he'd been doing now and then. There was soft yet sad smile on his face as he stared at something only he could see. Swallowing at the sight of that tiny barely there smile, Gibbs couldn't help but compare it to any other smile he had seen on the man's face._

" _DiNozzo?" No answer and Gibbs was prepared to give another head slap._ " _Tony!"_

_Blinking, Tony finally snapped out of whatever reverie he had been in. "Hmh? What? Ah... Right... The coffee..."_

_Shaking his head, Gibbs let the case drop and went in the basement. Soon after, the smell of coffee filled the house and lured him out of his basement._

* * *

"Boss?" Tony gave Gibbs a funny look as it was usually _him_ who had to be called back from some temporary mind coma. Gibbs glared at him as soon as he snapped out of it. "What did I do _this_ time?"

"You're not a bother," Gibbs finally said. It hadn't left him alone ever since Tony first used that word and it still annoyed him.

"What?"

"Something wrong with your hearing, DiNozzo?"

"No... I can hear just fine..."

"Good."

Tony waited for a while if Gibbs would keep talking, explain what he had said a little bit more, but he wasn't surprised when he realized there would be no explanation.

Gibbs knew he should say something more when he saw the question on the former Detective's face, but it wasn't like he even himself knew what to say. He didn't know why he felt so moody right now or why the ' _being a bother_ ' comment had started to piss him off more and more. He could hardly even admit to himself how much his home had started to feel like home again during the weeks with the over grown kid living in there. Well, a kid or a puppy, he wasn't always sure which one was more accurate... And secretly he had even enjoyed their arguments. Part of him felt like he was betraying his family—Shannon and Kelly—for allowing himself to feel like it. Strangely he felt so even more than with any of his ex-wives. Why? He wouldn't know what answer to give if someone asked.

When it seemed like the silence wasn't going to end soon, Tony spoke, even if it was mostly to end the awkwardness of it. "So... Danny called me the other day..."

"And?" Gibbs had heard that DiNozzo's former partner was doing pretty good. Well, as good as one can do in the situation the man was in. Although there wasn't really anything the now former Detective could possibly give, somehow it was still arranged that the man would be put in witness protection. He wasn't even given the chance to see or talk with DiNozzo before it.

"And that's basically it... He's alright. Has some new job and told me he met someone there. Doesn't regret choosing to do this and doesn't want me to feel bad for him and told me best wishes... Short call. I bet he had written it down on paper or something and he didn't give me a chance to say anything in return..." Tony didn't sound happy about it.

"At least you know he's doing okay."

Tony gave him a sharp look. "No I don't. For all I know, someone could have made him make that call with a gun pointed to his head."

"DiNozzo..."

"And don't say I'm over reacting."

"Wasn't gonna say that."

"Oh..."

"I'll try to get you some better proof he's safe and doing okay."

"Thanks..." Tony muttered, feeling embarrassment coloring his cheeks. Dropping his gaze back on his now cold coffee, he rubbed his forehead, trying to ignore the beginning of a headache.

He'd been trying to find out more about the Voltolini family and Teddy, but came up with nothing. Although Gibbs hadn't said anything, he was pretty sure the former Marine had tried doing the same thing without any results.

The name Voltolini was well known in the business world. The elite. Old money. Related to the other elite families in the world. Smaller branch in the big fat tree of devils, but part of it nonetheless. And that was where the information ended. At least the kind of information he needed to find out. On paper the family was so clean and pure that it would put your general mega churches with their pathetic smiley Joels in deepest possible shame. Everything was... _Too_ nice. Teddy however... He was still pretty sure the man was FBI, or some other undercover Agent gone bad, but so far he didn't seem to even exist. Obviously he didn't even know the man's real name and had no actual pictures of him so it made things even more complicated.

Looking up from his coffee, Tony noticed that out of nowhere there had appeared a small wooden box on the table. Gibbs stared back, waiting, so he opened it. "This is..?"

"Told you I'll get you a new one..."

Tony admired the knife he was holding. He had to admit it was beautiful and it couldn't have been cheap either. "You didn't have to..."

"I keep my word, DiNozzo." Gibbs voice sounded strangely gruff.

Tony smiled and put the knife and box safely in his pocket. "Rule 9..." he spoke without really thinking and once again Gibbs could only stare at him, wondering just how much he knew. "Thanks. I'll take good care of it, boss."

"You better or I'll kick your ass..."

Tony flashed his trademark smile and leaned back on his chair. "So tell me... Are you happy with the apartment I chose?"

"It'll do..."

"Well it better be good enough. After all the growling and glaring you did toward all those other places, before I had even set my foot in."

"Would you really have lived in that place surrounded by criminals, day and night? Or the one with the leaking roof, not to mention pipes? If you had told me you were looking for an apartment, you should've told me, DiNozzo. I could've helped you."

"And let you shoot down even more places?" Tony rolled his eyes just as his phone started ringing. "DiNozzo... Hey, Rachel! How's Mark?" His whole face lit up, but then he froze before he even heard the full answer and it felt for a moment like he was again thrown back into that dream reality. It was like a slap in the face.

" _Anthony... Tony, he's dead... He... He went on that usual fishing trip of his and... He... His heart... He was dead when they found him... Tony..."_

Tony could barely hear the woman's broken voice as for a moment everything around him went black. He didn't pass out—DiNozzos don't pass out—but for a while his mind went completely blank. "I'm... I don't know what to... I'm so sorry Rachel..." he finally spoke and the woman started sobbing again, breaking his heart even more.

" _Thank you, Tony... You know Mark really cared about you and... and..."_

"I'll be there... Let me know if you need anything..." Tony answered softly. They ended the call soon after that, Rachel obviously not able to handle it any longer.

Gibbs looked at the now suddenly pale young man, feeling concern. Hands shaking and with a shallow breath, the man looked like he could pass out any minute. "DiNozzo? Who was it? You look like you're gonna pass out..."

"DiNozzos don't... don't pass out..." Tony had a hard time forming the words and Gibbs took the seat next to him, also blocking the view of Tony, in case anyone looked toward their table.

"Talk to me, Tony..." Gibbs shocked even himself with the gentle tone and his hand that automatically rose against the back of Tony's neck.

"Mark is dead..."

It took Gibbs few seconds to realize which Mark Tony was talking about. He knew several men with that name. At least five from the Navy Yard and even one from the FLETC. "Ah..." He had no idea what to say and just squeezed gently Tony's neck from where his hand still was. To his surprise it seemed to have a calming effect and Tony even leaned against the touch.

"I tried, Gibbs... I told him _not_ to go fishing on his own... I _told_ him not to..."

"Sometimes... We can't stop things from happening. We can't save everyone..."

Hearing the cries of a child in his memory, Tony closed his eyes. He could still sometimes feel the heat of the burning hot flames all around him. Now was one of those times and he opened his eyes as he shuddered. "I know..."

While Tony wasn't paying any attention, Gibbs took out his wallet and put money on the table, enough to cover their coffee and sandwiches. "Come on now... Let's go and take a closer look of that new place of yours..."

Tony stood up and gave him a weak smile. "You're only going to complain about everything..." Gibbs gave him 'the look' and Tony dropped his gaze. "On it, boss..."

By the time the two of them were walking toward Tony's new home, Tony felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, but at the same time he still felt that strangely fresh air around him that had surrounded him since the morning. It took him a while to realize what it was. No, the air wasn't more fresh than usual in the city. It was the air of changes and air of the new beginning.


	27. The Two Year Mark

Gibbs was ready to kill someone, but he wasn't sure whom. Himself, the Agent sitting behind that desk, the Director for forcing him to take yet another Agent or Tony for being late.

Few more months and it would be two years. Two years since he had been working with DiNozzo and although he had more than once lost his nerves over the young man's antics, he wouldn't change him for anyone or anything. He was worried though... They were around the timeline where the former Detective usually left the town, which was why he had been even more of a bastard than usually in these days.

"Hey! I asked for some results two hours ago!" His annoyed bark startled the Agent sitting behind her desk.

Vivian Blackadder threw flames at her boss from her eyes, or she would have if she could. She had tried and done her best at work, but for whatever reason her boss seemed to hate her, despite the rumors that Agent Gibbs had a thing for women with red hair. Oh she had a red hair indeed and maybe during the first day or so her boss did give her a couple of once overs, but that was where it ended. She no longer wondered why all his agents ended up begging for a transfer or even changed careers. All but one that is...

As if hearing her thoughts, the elevator made the ' _ding_ ' sound and one Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo—as he called himself—stepped in the bullpen. "I come bearing gifts!" Tony flashed his trademark smile, putting coffee and a small paper bag on each of their desks. For Gibbs it was _two_ big mugs. With Gibbs, when it came to his coffee, the size does matter.

"You're way over an hour late," Vivian snapped, without thanking and she didn't even touch the food or coffee.

Gibbs was starting to cool down as most of his attention was on the coffee, which he grabbed as soon as it touched his desk. "You're late, DiNozzo."

"Sorry, boss. My car broke down. Won't happen again."

"You better make sure it won't happen again," Gibbs said gruffly and just like so many other times, Vivian couldn't help but think how _she_ would have gotten a public dressing down for being late. No matter what the reason and how good coffee she would bring. After trying that trick herself for that one—and now infamous—time, she had given up. Apparently she couldn't even bring the right coffee and that mistake had only made things worse, until their SFA got some new coffee for them, which of course had been just right and perfect, making their boss happy again.

"And how is your morning, dear Viv?" Tony grinned, having noticed the deathly glare the woman threw at him. She had always been one of the few women not falling for his charm, claiming he reminded her of her brother or something... Then again, having spent enough weeks with her and having those memories from his dream, he honestly didn't even want to go into full flirting mode with her.

It had taken almost one full year before he had started to be able to truly _start_ living his life again, without his dream giving him as hard time as it did during the first year. Sure he still got daily some flashbacks here and there, but they weren't strong enough to pull him under anymore, which would have been rather bothersome and dangerous had he been working in the field while in the middle of one of those. He had actually managed to change several things from the way it had been in his dream, but too many ended up happening anyway. Not even with his 'future telling' dream could he save everyone, which is what he figured his dream had to be. There simply was no other explanation, as crazy as it might be. Even Ducky agreed, although maybe not 100%, but then again who could blame the man? Not like _he_ would have believed if it hadn't been him himself experiencing it all.

"Was better before you showed up."

"Ouch. You're hurting my feelings." Tony chuckled, completely unfazed by the snarky and mean-spirited comment, which only served to make the redhead even angrier.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs spoke and Tony sat down behind his desk.

"On it, boss."

Vivian shook her head, bemused. She never understood how it was as if those two men seemed to be able to read each other's minds and often when they did talk out loud, it was as if in some language only they understood. She had heard from other people how it was already legendary after they had been working together for only a year or so.

"Ah. Before I forget..." Tony stood up and walking to Gibbs's desk he dropped a few papers on it. "I found out our suspect number four isn't who she claims to be. She has several aliases, but I don't know yet which one is the real one... Still no picture of her anywhere though. For all we know, we could be looking for a man dressing up as a woman. Wouldn't be the first time."

Gibbs stared at him curiously for a moment and then nodded. "What are you waiting for then? Find out."

"I'm already on it." Tony returned to his desk and had someone looked toward Gibbs now, they would have seen on his face that small half-smile of his.

"How did you do that?" Vivian grumbled. She had tried finding new information since last night, without any results. As far as she could see, DiNozzo hadn't done a whole lot.

With a huge and dazzling DiNozzo smile on his face, Tony answered. "Work smarter not harder, Viv darling."

"That's bull—"

"If you two have time for arguments, then you must not be busy enough?" Without really saying it, Gibbs made it clear that he would get them plenty of more work to do.

"If he'd just—"

"Working, boss," Tony said cheerfully, despite the deathly glare thrown toward him. Man... The woman had been in a really bad mood for couple of days now... Must be 'that time of the month' for her... It was way too easy getting her to react with the smallest things. But it was still better here than in the field...

Gibbs's phone was ringing and after answering it he gave his usual grunted reply and stood up. "Gear up. We've got fourth victim."

Tony was following Gibbs before the man was even finished with the phone call and Vivian followed them, after taking the coffee with her.

* * *

"Clear!" Tony shouted as he made sure the kitchen in the house was empty. He heard the same word repeated by both Gibbs and Blackadder.

"There's no one here. Haven't been for a while," Tony heard Vivian saying as he joined the other two.

"Boss."

"Found anything?"

"Only the body. There's something strange about it, but I don't know what..."

Gibbs nodded. "Ducky should be almost here. Get to work you two."

Holding his camera, Tony walked away with Vivian. "Wanna bet our victim wasn't killed here?"

"You heard the boss. Get to work." Vivian rolled her eyes and hid her amusement at the way DiNozzo pouted. How could one grown man be such a child?

They made it so far as to the bedroom door when Tony heard a sound. It was so faint no one else had heard it. Turning around sharply, his hawk eyes scanned the room, windows and doors. "Gun!"

Gibbs had been following his two agents when DiNozzo suddenly turned around, looking rather paranoid. He was about to bark out his annoyance, but then the Agent opened his mouth to shout. He had no chance to see anything and he barely even heard anything as the heavy mass of his SFA fell on him, making them both fall hard on the floor just as the shooting began. Taking cover, they returned the fire.

"We need to get closer... Viv. Cover me. Vivian!" Tony turned to look at his partner and he froze to the spot.

Vivian Blackadder was half sitting on the floor, her back against the wall next to the bedroom door. Her eyes were half-open and she was covered in her own blood. Tony stood up slowly, staring without really seeing. Instead of the redhead, he saw Kate. It was like living again your worst nightmare and the hole in her face was mocking him.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs yelled and he pulled Tony down, barely in time to stop him from getting shot. He too only then saw their partner, with a hole right between her eyes. There was almost surprised look on her face. As much as he felt bad for Blackadder, Gibbs felt even worse for not feeling as bad as he would have felt had it been Tony instead of her. Whatever his biggest worry might have been right now, it was forgotten the moment he got a better look at DiNozzo's face, which was white as sheet and starting to show obvious signs of shock.

"Hey! Now isn't time to pass out, DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked and flinched when another bullet flew right past them. Pulling the other man with him to get better cover, he gave a head slap, wincing at the sound it made. Doctors might not be too happy with his way of dealing with DiNozzo, but the man wasn't just anyone. Normal methods didn't seem to work on him. That was one of the things Gibbs had learned about DiNozzo early on.

Although maybe it should worry him more how Tony reacted to an act of violence—no matter how small—often smiling at his boss after one of those head slaps...

Gibbs was relieved when Tony finally blinked and was seemingly alright. He watched the man clearly pulling out some of his undercover personas and he thought how interesting it would've been to know what went through his head. He would probably never get tired of seeing DiNozzo do this and he doubted most people would even be able to notice that moment when it happened.

Few deep breaths later, Tony opened his eyes again, without showing any signs of his previous condition. Holding up his gun with a steady hand, he nodded. "I'm good, boss. Cover me and I'll take down the bastard."

Gibbs opened his mouth to protest and point out that he was the boss here. Maybe even give another head slap, but the stupid kid was already on his way out. Cursing strongly under his breath, Gibbs almost flew forward to the door and returned the fire toward their shooter. Not a moment too soon, the shooting stopped.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs yelled out, feeling fear running through his veins when he got no answer. Hesitating only for a moment, he stood up from where he had fallen down and stepped outside, holding his left side where one of the bullets had nicked him.

"I'm alright, boss!" Tony finally answered, stepping out from behind their car. There was dark look on his face when he met Gibbs halfway toward the house. When he saw Gibbs, his eyes widened. "You've been shot!" He held up his gun again and turned around to go back to the car.

"DiNozzo! I'm fine! The bullet barely even touched me. I've had paper cuts that are worse than this."

Tony hesitated for a moment, but seeing the truth in the older man's eyes, he relaxed.

"Our shooter?" Gibbs had to ask, although he knew the answer even before he asked the question, since he had seen the look on DiNozzo's face just a moment before.

"Not a problem anymore," Tony muttered.

Gibbs decided to not ask whether he had first asked the shooter to surrender before shooting. This might after all have been important case related bad guy they had here. _Dead_ bad guy now.

As if hearing Gibbs's thoughts, Tony spoke. "He had two guns and I swear he could've shot me too had he wanted, while still shooting at you. Didn't give me a chance to say two words to him."

Gibbs relaxed hearing that and watched a little warily as Tony checked his gun before finally putting it away. There were rare moments like this one where he felt almost nervous, seeing his SFA holding a weapon. He wasn't one of those people who got nervous, which was why he added the word 'almost'. "So why go and shoot the dead guy again?" he questioned, indicating at the moment Tony had seen him bleeding. Tony gave him a blank stare, but didn't answer the question. "Where is he?"

Tony smiled unhappily. "Behind our car, so don't be surprised to see bunch of holes in it... The car I mean."

Gibbs swore the moment he actually noticed their car. "That's gonna be so much paperwork again..."

"You tell me..." Tony said dryly, since it was usually he who did most of their paperwork. Not that he complained _too_ much. It just was faster if he did it himself. He wasn't simply joking around whenever he told people his trademark ' _work smarter, not harder_ ' quote. He had his system and it worked.

Walking around the car, Gibbs stopped. Looking at their shooter on the ground and then at Tony, he couldn't stop that half smirk of his. "I thought you said you killed him?"

"I never said that..." Tony shrugged and then he grinned. "Wasn't it one of your own rules to 'never assume'?"

"Being smart ass with me, DiNozzo?" Gibbs raised up his hand and when Tony closed his eyes for the head slap he thought he'd get, Gibbs brushed his fingers gently through the soft hair at the back of the young man's head. "Attaboy..."

Tony blinked and as Gibbs turned away from him, he suddenly had a hard time stopping himself from completely forgiving everything the 'dream Gibbs' had done. He was almost ready to throw away his current carefulness toward everything and everyone, all because of some petting on his head and an attaboy? Man, he was such a loser...

"Good job, DiNozzo," Gibbs said, looking at the two gun shots their shooter had. He found himself admiring the wounds. The man was passed out, but so far in no obvious danger. There were two perfect wounds on each of the man's arms.

The sound of another car coming there made them look up again.

"Duck! Took you long enough."

"Good heavens, Jethro..." Ducky spoke the moment he stepped out of the car. He made his way to Gibbs, who took a step back when his old friend got a little too close for his comfort.

"It's not as bad as it looks. This guy here has it worse than I do. Tried to kill us and he did kill Blackadder, so I'd say he got far less than what he deserves."

Ducky looked shocked. "Oh, Jethro... I am so—"

"Later, Ducky..." Gibbs interrupted, throwing careful glances toward Tony whose features had darkened the moment Gibbs mentioned Vivian.

"I understand..." Duck said. Meaning, he and Gibbs would talk about this later. After tending Gibbs and leaving Gerald to take care of the shooter, Ducky made his way toward the house where both bodies were.

"Oh dear... You poor girl," Ducky sighed, seeing Blackadder first when he stepped inside the house. It never became easier when they lost one of their own people.

"I almost lost it..."

Ducky nearly jumped, hearing the voice out of nowhere. The boy was just as bad as Jethro was, sneaking around, if he truly wanted to or forgot not to be. "Anthony... Do me a favor, would you? Do not sneak on me like that. My poor old heart does not take it too well." He chuckled, but Tony only frowned.

"Sorry..." Tony mumbled and this time his hands actually did tremble, holding the camera as he started taking pictures. "Seeing Viv like that... It just... I saw _her_... I still do."

"Her?"

"You don't know her... Maybe you will or maybe you won't... Her name was Kate. Although you called her Caitlin... In my dream she was killed just like _that_." Tony pointed at his now dead partner on the floor. "She was laughing with us after surviving another gun shot, before being shot in the head. Her blood was all over me... And all that... _That_..."

Seeing how agitated his young friend was starting to become, Ducky took hold of Tony's arm, stopping him from taking another picture. "Anthony, my dear boy... Perhaps you should go home? Jethro is wounded, so maybe you could call for another team?"

Setting his mouth into a tight line, Tony shook his head. There was no way they'd hand over the case to anyone else after working weeks on it and now... _this_. Neither he nor Gibbs would be willing to do that. "No. I'm good."

"Anthony..."

"I'm fine."

No other words were spoken between the two men as they both went back to their work. That's how Gerald found them once he joined them. "Tony. Gibbs told you to go back to Navy Yard with us once we're done. He's going to take the guy with him to a hospital."

Tony only nodded. He was almost done anyway.

"Now this is interesting..." Ducky spoke suddenly, getting their full attention.

"What is that?" Gerald asked.

Walking closer to their original reason for being there, the first dead body in the house, Tony leaned to look at it over Ducky's shoulder. It looked like someone had done some surgery on their victim's stomach area, _after_ she was dead. Not to mention the work done on her was not pretty.

Ducky confirmed what they all could already see. "It looks like it was done shortly after this poor woman was killed. I am afraid however that I cannot say more until I cut it open."

"Figured as much..." Tony shrugged and followed after Ducky and Gerald as they carried the dead body to their car, where Blackadder's body already was. He had a nagging feeling of uneasiness at the back of his mind and the longer the time went, his gut went almost wild. He couldn't take off his eyes from their victim. Clenching and unclenching his fists, Tony suddenly decided to take the risk of becoming a fool, instead of taking the chance of being right and not having done anything when he could.

"Run!" he suddenly yelled, grabbing the arms of the two bemused men and forcing them to run with him away from the car where the two bodies were. Barely making it far enough, the car suddenly exploded.

Sitting heavily on the ground, Tony let out a shuddering breath. Just _one_ moment longer of hesitation and they'd be all... One very short moment of hesitation was all it could've taken...

Gerald looked pale and terrified.

Ducky was the first one to speak. "Oh dear..."


	28. Angel Of Death

There were agents guarding at the door and the patient was handcuffed to the bed. As bad as it had looked at the crime scene, their shooter was doing pretty well. Much better than what Gibbs had been hoping for and he almost wished Tony had indeed 'finished the job'. Since there had been so far no way to identify the man, that's what he was being called as at the moment. 'The man', and not in a flattering manner. Gibbs himself had some much more colorful ways of addressing him. He could be shockingly creative when he really wanted to be.

"So you're finally awake," he said as he entered the room. The man glared at him, but Gibbs had no problem facing it without blinking an eye and soon enough it was the one in bed who blinked first.

Gibbs took the only chair in the room and sat down on it, knowingly making even that look intimidating. He studied the man silently and was pleased to notice that his silence was starting to make the bastard nervous. The man looked like he might be from the Middle East. Only it didn't make a whole lot of sense how he'd have anything to do with their case. Unless this was now a whole new case altogether and they just happened to walk right into it.

"Who are you?" Gibbs finally spoke after long and agonizing silence. He wasn't surprised when he got no answer. "Hey! I'm talking to you!" That made the man flinch.

Trying to calm his constant anger and to keep down his urge to shoot the man, Gibbs took a deep breath before speaking again. "Do you speak English? Do you _understand_ English?" It had barely been there, but his trained eyes saw it on the man's face. _Oh, he understood_... "So you _do_ understand me. Good. Now let me ask this one more time... Who. Are. You?"

The occupant of the bed laughed humorlessly, only to be cut short when Gibbs finally lost it and hit the bed with his fist. "Answer me!"

One of the agents opened the door and looked inside the room cautiously, but seeing as both the criminal and Agent Gibbs were doing just fine, he closed the door.

With a sigh, Gibbs ran a hand over his face. This case had taken its toll on him and although he would have been happy to get rid of Blackadder, her death wasn't something he had wanted. Not _literally_. Not only did she die, but he or DiNozzo could have very well ended up dead as well.

Now that he thought about it... Tony _would_ have been the first one to get shot, had he not jumped on him... Had _Tony_ taken the first bullet, Blackadder might still be alive. Gibbs prayed in his mind that the kid wouldn't realize it. However, after almost two years of working together, he knew that the thought was bound to find its way inside DiNozzo's head also. And knowing just how easily the young man took blame on himself over things that were not his fault, Gibbs was suddenly in a hurry to finish this business and get to the Navy Yard.

Standing up from the chair, he stepped closer to the bed. The man in there stared back at him with a sneer as he was hovering there without a word. After a long silence, a dark smirk raised on Gibbs's face. Alright then. If the bastard wanted to play it _this_ way...

Just as Gibbs was about to say something, his phone rang. He tried ignoring it for a moment, but answered it finally when it just kept ringing. "Gibbs... What..!? I'm on my way." He finished the call and ran a hand over his head, cursing silently. He should have never left the crime scene. So close... It had been so close again.

Looking at the man in bed again, Gibbs spoke with an edge to his voice, "I find out you had _anything_ to do with this, you will _pray_ my Agent had killed you. Do you understand?"

The man chose that moment to play ignorant or deaf—whichever it was—and averted his eyes. Stepping closer, Gibbs pressed his hand hard over the other injured arm and the man gasped in pain, despite the pain meds he was on. "Do. You. Understand?" He pressed harder with each word and finally he heard the first spoken word coming from the man's mouth.

"Yes. I understand," the man snarled with his broken English.

"Good. I will be back and then we will talk some more." Gibbs let go of the arm and left the room. Although Ducky had told him they were all just fine—thanks to DiNozzo—he wouldn't be able to get his peace of mind unless he saw them with his own two eyes. "Keep guarding him," he said to the agents.

As he walked toward the elevators, one of the nurses walked past him and while during some other moment he would have noticed something was off about her, right now his mind was too occupied with other things and so the two of them went on their own way.

Her eyes didn't look left nor right as she kept walking. She kept her face low enough and made herself look busy so in the already busy area full of people no one really paid any attention to her. She stopped at the door and let the agents guarding there check her ID and the female Agent checked to see if she was carrying any weapons et cetera. The usual thing. Those had been the orders given by Agent Gibbs. Not finding anything suspicious, they let the nurse go in the room.

The man in bed looked up and seeing the woman he became agitated. She only smiled and walked closer to cover his mouth with her gloved hand. Leaning closer she whispered something in his ear while her other hand pulled out something from her hair. The man let out a muffled cry as he felt that something stabbing him. He was drugged and weak, one of his wounded hands cuffed to the bed and there was a hand stopping him screaming for help. He didn't struggle for very long.

Only a few minutes later the nurse left the room, the agents barely giving her a second glance. Her work there was done.

* * *

Storming in the morgue, Gibbs finally let himself relax when he saw Ducky and Tony in one piece and alive. _Breathing_. He didn't see Gerald though. "What happened?"

"Ah. Jethro. Now that was fast. Too fast. How many speed limits did you break this time to get here so fast?" Ducky tutted. He was hands deep in what seemed to be human remains of some sort. Surprisingly Tony was also wearing scrubs and he gave Gibbs a sheepish look as he was in the middle of holding something that Gibbs wasn't even going to try to guess what it was or rather what it _used_ to be.

"DiNozzo? What do you—"

"Jethro. I hope you do not mind that I am borrowing young Anthony here. I am afraid I need the extra hands."

"Well, where's Gerald then?" Gibbs growled half heartedly. Tony and Ducky looked at each other.

"Gerald..." Tony started and sighed. How to say it without saying too much? He liked Gerald and knew the man would not thank him if he did. Any normal person would freak out after almost dying in a bomb explosion, right?

Ducky took over the explanation. "The poor boy did not take it too well, so I ordered him to go home."

Gibbs nodded and looked closely for the first time what had to be the remains of their victim and Blackadder's body. Just what they needed. Now they didn't even have a body to give to her family... "So exactly how did this happen?"

Tony shrugged. "Ducky saw someone had done surgery on our victim's stomach area... Turns out there was a bomb hidden inside her. We had to call another team to help us out. That reminds me... Director wants to talk to you as soon as possible."

"How did that go unnoticed?!" Gibbs barked without thinking. He was thinking about all the possible worse case scenarios. The 'what ifs'. Looking at the autopsy table where the remains were, a cold chill ran through his body when he realized that Ducky, Tony and Gerald could be there right now _._ Had things gone any differently, he would be looking at their remains. He himself could be there.

"Well _excuse me_ if none of us mere mortals have the ability to see inside the human bodies with our bare eyes," Tony spoke calmly.

Gibbs felt that awful feeling of guilt creeping over his shoulder, but he pushed it away for now. "You two aren't hurt?"

"Oh, we are just fine, Jethro. And may I add, _I_ said it and not Anthony." Ducky chuckled, making Tony roll his eyes. After almost two years of working here, most people there were familiar what the words ' _I'm fine_ ' coming from his mouth meant. He made a big deal about being sick or hurt? Ignore it. He was 'fine'? Call the ambulance and clear the way for a quick access.

"Ducky..." Gibbs wasn't amused.

"A few bruises and scrapes and slight ringing in our ears, that is all," Ducky assured and cleaned up one of the bones. He and Tony hadn't stopped working even after Gibbs had showed up. "Although I must say that without our Anthony here, we would not be talking now. His gut feelings are rivaling yours, Jethro."

"Really? Is that so?" Gibbs said, although he had known it a long time ago. Having been working side by side with the young man for as long as he had, he couldn't have _not_ noticed it. Even though for whatever reason the idiot kept trying to downplay it...

"I just had this feeling that wouldn't leave me alone... I could've been wrong..." Tony shrugged.

"Or you could've been right, which you were," Gibbs spoke glaring daggers, which made the man grin for some reason. "Does Abby know what's been happening today?"

Tony's grin disappeared and he shook his head. He really couldn't handle Abby right now. She would be pissed off for sure and then cling on him whenever she could. His whole body was far too sore from the explosion, so he really didn't think he could handle it right now.

Gibbs's lips twisted into that half smile of his when they heard someone running toward the room. "You really thought you could keep something like this from her? You _know_ she keeps up with anything going on in the Navy Yard and not all of them are gossips."

"Not really..." Tony sighed.

Storming in the room on her dangerously high heels, one could only wonder how she managed to not hurt herself. She was yelling as soon as she saw them, her voice hoarse as if she had done plenty of yelling and screaming already. "Why didn't anyone tell me!?"

"Abigail..."

"Abby..."

"Abbs..."

"Don't Abby me! None of you! Why do I have to hear from Agent Hill—who had heard from Agent Nelson from the Evans's team, who had heard from one of the computer geeks—that you guys almost died today! _Twice_! And that Viv is dead! I mean, she was never my favorite, but I'd never want her dead. I mean not _really_... Oh, now I feel so bad for those times I threatened to kill her and leave no evidence and... And now she really is dead! And... And... _Why_ didn't you tell me!"

"Abby! _Breathe_!" Gibbs hugged the trembling goth. Trembling from fear or rage, he didn't know. Maybe a little bit of both.

"I apologize, dear Abigail. We should have come to you, but instead we got caught up in the work." Ducky smiled sadly.

Abby hugged her Bossman, before stepping back. Turning around she pointed her finger at Tony. "And _you_ , mister! What reason do _you_ have!?"

Tony smiled sheepishly and held out his gloved hands when Abby started approaching him. "Uh... I was helping Ducky... Wait! Blood, Abby..! I'm covered in blood and... other... stuff. Remains. Human."

Glancing toward the autopsy table with the body remains, Abby's eyes were filled with big fat tears and she stepped closer and ignoring the blood and everything, she hugged the now very fidgety Senior Field Agent.

"Man..." Tony sighed and after taking the gloves off, he wrapped his arms around the now crying woman.

Sharing a look with Ducky, Gibbs walked outside the room when his phone started ringing. "Gibbs." The smile on his face fell off immediately. " _Poisoned_?! How could that happen!? I didn't leave agents guarding him so anyone could just _waltz in_ and _murder_ our suspect!"

Listening to the stuttering reply at the other end, Gibbs felt like throwing his phone against the wall. He was feeling extremely short-tempered right now. After another few heated words and orders, he ended the call and _then_ he threw the phone against the wall, breaking it into pieces. Leaning against the wall, Gibbs ran a hand over his face, which was something he had done a bit too often lately.

A body that at least seemed to be part of their case. Unlike the other three bodies it had been in the middle of nowhere and the caller wasn't there when they arrived to the scene... A man with a gun trying to kill them... A bomb inside their victim... Their suspect was killed... He never believed in coincidences and he wasn't going to start now. Rule 39.

Peeking inside the room and observing the three closest people in his life standing there, Gibbs made up his mind. If someone was after him, then he wasn't going to let that someone hurt those he cared about. And if it was simply a case where they had gotten too close... Could he take that kind of risk? Gibbs sighed, watching as Abby slapped Tony's arm and then wrapped her arms around him again, then Tony begging for help from Ducky who only smiled and started telling a story of what this reminded him of. DiNozzo would be after his head if he'd ever find out, but he would never again take the chance of losing anyone else because he hadn't done anything...

"I will be with the Director. Abby, let them finish the job," Gibbs spoke as she stepped inside the room again.

"But Gibbs..." Abby was pouting.

"Abby."

"Yes sir, Bossman, sir..." Abby sighed dramatically, letting Tony finally free from her death grip, much to his relief.

Gibbs smiled. "DiNozzo."

"Boss?"

"Once you're done here, go home."

"Boss..."

"We all need some rest. Come back only in the morning and not a minute late."

"Got it..." Tony stared after Gibbs's retreating back. He knew that look on the older man's face. He knew it too well. No matter how good Gibbs was hiding it from anyone else, which he was, seeing how both Ducky and Abby seemed to be completely ignorant. "If I let him do this to me again..." he muttered under his breath.

"Anthony?" Ducky spoke as Tony pulled another pair of gloves on, with somewhat angry snap.

"Nothing. Where were we..?"


	29. The Ninja

It was already late by the time Gibbs returned to the bullpen. Most people had left the building and those who were still there were on their way out. Only DiNozzo was still sitting behind his desk, wearing his spare clothing and completely focused doing the work.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked. He was surprised when the man didn't even flinch.

Putting down the paperwork, Tony leaned back on his chair. He kept the look on his face neutral, like a clean paper. So clean that even Gibbs wouldn't be able to read him, no matter how good he was at reading him lately. "Yes, boss?"

"Didn't I tell you to go home?"

"You did."

"Then what are you still doing here?"

"Working."

"DiNozzo..."

Tony sighed and stood up. "Boss... Here's the thing. I won't be played. I've had enough of that to last several lifetimes. I won't be pushed aside when as your partner I'm supposed to be watching your six. If you start doing some one man missions here, I'm out. Unless you have your orders to not say anything, I won't tolerate it. So either we _both_ do our work or I will go up there and ask for a transfer. I assume Morrow is still in his office."

"What are you talking about?"

Tony let the blank look on his face fade away for a moment and showed Gibbs his ' _don't mess with me_ ' look. "I know, boss."

"You know?"

"I know," Tony repeated and then turned the monitor on his desk so Gibbs saw what he'd been working on. It was the security footage from the hospital. "I also have your phone records from this day _and_ I spoke to the agents who were guarding our suspect at the hospital."

"DiNozzo..." Gibbs growled.

"So don't mess with me. What's going on?"

Gibbs sat down behind his desk. He was torn between feeling angry at DiNozzo for doing this—and even getting _his_ phone records—and then feeling proud at him for doing this and succeeding without trouble as it seemed. "Figured I'd be keeping you safe this way," he finally admitted.

"Keeping me safe? Boss... You know our job—"

"I _know_. But I realized we were lured to that crime scene—in the middle of nowhere—so that we could be taken down. We already lost Blackadder and then almost the three of you. If this happened because someone wants to get back at me..."

"You're an idiot."

Gibbs's eyebrows went up with that. Only few people were brave enough to talk like that to him and even less got away with it. DiNozzo was one of them. "You asking for a head slap?"

"No... Listen. You're an idiot. If it's true and someone wants to hurt _you_ by killing people you're close to, then do you honestly think sending me home will keep me any safer? If anything I'll be in even more danger than at work where I would not only be armed, but with a partner watching my six."

Gibbs actually looked startled and his whole form slumped on the chair. DiNozzo was right... "Didn't think that far."

"Of course you didn't."

"Hey!" Gibbs growled affectionately and beckoned Tony to move closer, which the young man did, although hesitating. Standing up, Gibbs held his arm over Tony's shoulders, squeezing the other shoulder. "You're right."

"I am?" Tony grinned. The head slap wasn't unexpected, but the soft caressing of his head after that was.

"But if you tell anyone, I will deny it."

Looking at the monitor with the frozen picture from the security footage, Gibbs had a distant memory of walking by a nurse as he left the hospital. "So how did you get it so fast? I've had a hard time getting anyone at the hospital to cooperate with me."

"Some ass kissing now and then will get you far, boss." Tony grinned.

"Nice little nurse helped out? Or a female doctor?"

"Hey! I'm insulted. Why couldn't it be male?"

Gibbs's stared at him. "Something I need to know, DiNozzo?"

"What? You _know_ that's not what I meant!"

"I know. Was talking about how you always have your way with women. Figured you're starting to lose your charm and had to give up charming your way around."

"Very funny. It was a very nice nurse Isabel, who has her own special way of getting what she wants."

"Oh really?"

"Boss..." Tony ran a hand over his face. "I really am not in the mood for word plays here... Haven't slept for over 24 hours..."

Gibbs smirked. "Well? Did you find anything useful?"

Tony frowned. "Nothing so far... She obviously knew her way around and knew where the cameras were. That's the best picture of her. I'll keep trying to see if I can get a better one, but so far all we have is a picture of her back and hair, which could very well be a wig or something. Those agents are useless too. They can hardly remember her, each one of them giving a very different description."

"How is that possible?"

Tony smirked. "Let's just say that they were busy watching something else instead of her face. So I'd say that Agent Parker's description would be the most accurate. She did also search the woman for any weapons and such."

Gibbs nodded. He was feeling frustrated, but both of them were also starting to feel the lack of sleep by now. "Well, let's go home for now, both of us."

"Boss..."

"And you're staying with me."

"Got it, boss." Tony smiled hesitantly. Glancing once more at the unknown nurse on the screen, he turned off his computer and cleaned the desk. Taking his things he hurried after Gibbs who was already in the elevator, holding the doors open for him.

* * *

**_\- DREAM -_ **

_He looked around and felt cold. The darkness around him was strangely creepy and it reminded him of the times from his childhood. All alone in a big old mansion, in his big and scary room. Darkness making things only more difficult for him when he believed there were monsters all over the room. And his huge bed... To this day he hated canopy beds._

_Sitting up on his bed—when he thought he had heard something—Tony shivered again. It really was so cold. Hearing it again, he stood up, taking his gun with him._

_Opening the guest room door, he peeked outside and swallowed at the darkness waiting in there. The darkness became overpowering the moment he stepped outside the room. It felt like billions of dark hands were all over him, touching him. That's when he realized with much horror that the darkness around him was alive and it was whispering to him all the things that scared him.  
_

_With much difficulty he made it downstairs. Feeling as if someone was pulling him backwards, he had to use every strength from his body to keep walking forward. For a moment Tony stopped half way down the stairs. If the darkness had been dark before then what was waiting him down there was something even more sinister. A bubbling sea of darkness. He had no other way of describing it._

_Wanting nothing more than to hide away and maybe even cry a little, Tony made up his mind and kept moving forward until he was downstairs. Stumbling, he dropped his gun and watched with almost fascination how the darkness opened its dark mouth and swallowed it._

_"Boss..?" Tony was shocked by how small his voice sounded when he spoke. He even_ felt _small. Touching his face he was pretty sure that his face was smooth and slightly round, like a child's._

" _Hello..?" he whispered and then he heard it again, the sound that woke him up. Something breaking against the floor. A plate maybe? Then he saw it... In the middle of the darkness was a hint of light. Desperate to get there, Tony started running. Or he would have if he could, but instead he was moving in slow motion. Reaching out, he was able to get hold of the door frame and somehow he managed to pull himself inside the room._

_Looking around the too bright room, Tony noticed that he was in the kitchen. All the kitchen cabinet doors had been opened and on the floor there was a growing pile of broken plates and glass._

" _Boss?" he spoke seeing there was someone standing in the kitchen, head inside the cabinet. Pulling out endless amounts of plates and then dropping them on the floor. Hearing Tony's voice, the person stopped and closed the cabinet door, turning around to face him and then smiled at him._

" _Hello, Tony."_

* * *

Gasping for his breath, Tony sat up on his bed. His T-shirt was almost wet from sweating and he was feeling cold. He rarely saw those crazy dreams of his anymore—compared to how for a while it was almost a nightly thing—and this went on his top list of craziness. He'd figured out it usually meant his subconsciousness was trying to tell him something, but with dreams as crazy as that... He could hardly even want to start analyzing it over...

Shivering from the cold, Tony stood up to get another blanket when he noticed that the bedroom window was wide open. He knew _he_ hadn't opened it and he knew Gibbs wouldn't be opening it either. Not when the nights were as cold as they now were and especially not the window in his room.

With the dream still fresh in his mind, Tony was hesitating when he walked closer to the window, taking his gun with him _just in case_... Looking out he saw a dark figure running away from the house. Without a second thought, he climbed outside and somehow made it safely on the ground. Although running outside in the darkness and without shoes or even socks on wasn't the most exciting thing to do.

"Hey! Stop!" he yelled as he was running after the dark figure.

Although he was good at running, very good indeed, but with nothing covering his bare feet and still half groggy from the sleep and crazy dream, Tony was having a hard time keeping up with the unknown person who had already enough distance between the two of them. Ignoring the slight pain and cold from his feet, he ran faster. For a moment he thought he was catching up, but then the darkly dressed person turned around the next corner and disappeared.

Meanwhile, Gibbs sat in his basement drinking bourbon. Almost as soon as they had made it to his house, DiNozzo had fallen asleep in the guest room bed. It still bothered him how the young Agent never came over unless _he_ told him to come and sometimes not even then. So usually he had to order him to come. Didn't matter that he had given the man an open invitation, a rare thing when it was coming from him. Really... What was wrong with his place..?

The sound of the front door opening made Gibbs look up and his hand went automatically to his weapon. Seeing his Senior Field Agent—covered in sweat and some dirt—walking down the stairs sure wasn't what he thought he'd be seeing. "DiNozzo? What are you doing up? You look like crap."

"Thanks, boss... You always know the right words..." Tony sighed, sitting next to Gibbs on the floor, taking the offered bottle of bourbon and drinking from it before handing it back.

"How come I didn't hear you going out?"

"I used the window..." Seeing Gibbs's ' _try again_ ' look, Tony sighed. "Really. I did."

"Door too easy for you?"

"Wish it was just that... This may sound weird, but... Did you open the window in my room?"

"Of course not."

"Thought so... Boss... I think someone was in my room or at least tried to get in, using the guest room window. And don't ask me why _that_ window of all others. Maybe he or she didn't know that you don't keep your door locked."

Gibbs was up on his feet by the time Tony had finished saying ' _someone was in my room_ '. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?!"

"Well, boss. Maybe because I was busy chasing the suspect down the street."

"Well?"

"Didn't get him. Was too far and too dark to see enough to tell anything useful. I swear, it was like trying to catch some ninja. Went around the corner and poof. Vanished in thin air. I did try to look for some clues, but doing that in the dark while I'm not exactly at my best... Well, it didn't work out."

"DiNozzo... Didn't you just lecture me about letting you watch my back?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Sorry. There wasn't any time. Won't happen again."

"You bet it won't." Gibbs, blaming it on the alcohol later, pulled the shivering young man into a hug and sighed, hugging a little tighter for a moment and thinking how badly things could have ended.

"Um... Boss?" Tony was feeling uncomfortable and Gibbs let go, tapping the back of Tony's head with his hand.

"Go take a hot shower. I'll bring you something else to wear."

"On it, boss..."

Once Tony was gone, Gibbs rushed in the guest room. Without touching the window, he saw that it had indeed been forcefully opened from the outside. Taking out his phone, he pressed one of the speed dials. "I know what time it is, Tom, but we have a situation at my place... Might need a little help while the trails are still hot and fresh..."


	30. My Ghosts

After waking up his Director, the man hadn't asked too many questions and didn't waste time either and sent a team to his house. Which was the reason Gibbs now stood at the front door and observed the people working in and around his house. He knew that farther away there would be more people, trying to find any trails from where their mysterious intruder had disappeared.

 _So much for getting any sleep last night_ , Gibbs mused and took another sip of his hot coffee. He didn't even have to tell the people to not touch his coffee as they were all very much aware how strong the stuff was. And then there was the fear factor, which usually helped.

"Agent Gibbs..." Gibbs watched in amusement as the young and very nervous Agent was trying to obviously somehow tell him to move away from the door so he'd be able to leave. "I... Uh... I need to go outside, sir..."

"Don't call me sir."

"S... Sorry, sir."

Gibbs eyed the frightened probie for a moment and then decided to leave his bastard attitude for later use. It was still too early for this. Even for him. Stepping away from the door, he couldn't stop smiling that amused half-smile of his when the kid nearly fainted out of relief and couldn't get outside fast enough.

Walking in the kitchen for a refill, Gibbs sat down and observed his own Agent, who was sitting behind the table and with bunch of papers scattered all over it. With the young man's hair up in all odd angles and directions and dark coloring under the eyes, DiNozzo wasn't exactly at his best, although the hairstyle did make him look years younger. "Did you get any sleep at all?"

Tony looked up from the picture he'd been staring at for a while now. The picture of that nurse from the security footage, or rather her back and brown hair that looked just like bunch of other nurses in the same hospital. "Some." And after that nightmare there was no way he could have gone back to sleep. "Boss... I know _you_ didn't get to sleep, so you really should try to sleep while you still can."

Gibbs shrugged. "Can't. There's too much coffee in me now."

Tony shook his head. "You know... Perhaps the intruder was just some secret admirer of yours? Or maybe one of your ex-wives?" He laughed and barely avoided the head slap, but then he got more serious as he went back to staring at that picture.

"Figure out anything yet?"

"No... Well... No..."

"Well?"

"It's just a gut feeling if anything, but I can't read it well enough to go anywhere with that."

Gibbs looked at him, waiting. Knowing there was more.

"I think I maybe know her. But for the life of me, I can't figure it out with only a picture like this. I hope the sketches will help out..."

"Come on. Let's both try to get some sleep for couple of hours before work." Gibbs stood up, leaving no question whether Tony would follow his lead or not.

"Didn't you just say you had too much coffee in your system?"

"I said I would try."

"Fair enough."

* * *

Letting out a soft curse, the darkly dressed figure walked away from the house. There was no other choice but to gather the information some other way. It would not be this complicated in the first place if the old man had started living in this century like rest of the modern world, which made finding out people's personal life and secrets so much easier...

How had _no one_ known that Agent Gibbs's little underling was staying there? Not only there, but also ruining the smooth and simple plan to get in and get out without anyone ever knowing. Not to mention Gibbs himself had been home, while according to the sources the man lived for his work.

This also brought out another set of questions. Like _why_ was the other man there? He did not seem to be injured either. Or drunk. Or whatever the reason was for him to be there. What was their relationship? It surely went deeper than that of a normal boss and subordinate.

Walking toward the car waiting and with a slight limp—thanks to hurting it with the disappearing trick—one thought was stronger than any other. Even if the weak link was now dead, father was not going to be pleased...

* * *

Stepping in the bullpen later in that same morning, Tony didn't think his week could get any worse than it had been so far. It was a week where basically everything seemed to go wrong, from falling down the stairs while chasing after a suspect, to trying to catch their unknown serial killer and then losing a team member.

Sitting behind his desk, Tony looked up in time when Gibbs strolled in the bullpen, holding the foremother of all coffee mugs. Tony was wondering absent-mindedly if the strength of the thing was also worse than usual. He had no idea how it would be even possible.

"Thanks, boss." Tony smiled and eyed the coffee that Gibbs gave him. Half the size of the one that Gibbs still held, which he was now both inhaling and drinking at the same time. Like a thirsty beast who hadn't seen any water for days. Or a drunkard who had his first drop of alcohol after too long wait.

Gibbs looked up, having sensed DiNozzo's eyes on him. He was pleased to see how one glare from him made the young man drop the gaze, although there was now amused smile on his face. Only DiNozzo... Most people wouldn't have the guts to be that fearless around him. Something that he both loved and hated about DiNozzo. "You getting to work or do you need your daily head slap, DiNozzo?"

Tony looked up, startled. Wonderful. Gibbs was back to his bastard mood, which had plagued their team for a few weeks now. Whatever bug there was in his boss's ass, he at least didn't have anyone to protect from it this time. "Already working, boss." Tony gestured at the few papers already scattered on his desk, which his boss was now staring at, feeling certain that none of it had been there only a moment ago. While Gibbs was trying to solve yet another puzzle, Tony's thoughts wandered elsewhere.

Without really thinking much, Tony's gaze went to the two empty desks. After two years he could still see them. Could still hear them. They were the ghosts from his dream.

There was McGeek, furiously trying to hide his new book chapter from his teammates who were doing everything they could to see it. Who told the idiot to write it during his work hours anyway? Or to use _them_ in his book? It was almost like asking for trouble. No, it _was_ asking for trouble. And not just from them.

He couldn't bear to see Kate sitting there so he always tried to block from seeing and hearing her. It didn't always work and neither did it now. Not after what had happened to Vivian. It always started the same way: Kate was smiling or laughing about something. Teasing and sometimes taunting him. Then it ended with her sitting there, slumped against her desk and glassy eyes staring at nothing, or maybe something only she could see. And of course, there was the bleeding hole in her face.

Now, Ziva was one of the loudest voices speaking to him. Always sizing him up. Throwing some snide remarks and taunting. Always taunting. Always using wrong wording and he had to fight back the urge to correct her out loud. She was a ghostly reminder to him. To never let someone like her get too close to him ever again.

Surprisingly Vivian was now added to his collection of ghosts. There were too many of them. Most were born out of guilt, regrets, sadness, longing, fear, anger... _Guilt_...

Dropping his head against the palms of his hands, Tony took several deep breaths. _Breath in, breath out... In and out, in and out_... It didn't help. He still found himself reliving that moment. From where he heard the sound, to when he saw Vivian. Dead. His mind kept revisiting it. In slow mode, zooming in and zooming out. Focusing on the smallest details. Analyzing. That short moment of surprise on her face that he hadn't noticed back then. The flash of something flying past them just as he pushed Gibbs down on the floor with him. The sound of the bullet hitting Vivian. Another thing that he didn't remember hearing back then. Why hadn't he pulled the woman down with him? Why couldn't he have been slow enough to take the bullet instead? Why..? _What if_..?

"What are you doing, DiNozzo?"

Tony looked up, startled and then surprised when he realized he was holding his coffee in one hand—which he didn't remember picking up—and his other hand was typing something on the computer. The report? It was a good thing he was able to work on 'automatic setting' or he'd be chewed thoroughly by Gibbs. The only problem was that he couldn't remember writing this or even _when_ he had started the computer. There it was however. Almost perfect description of the crime scene incident. In perfect order and everything. Not too little and not too much. Yet he had no memory of writing any of it.

Frowning, Tony wondered if there was something wrong with him. Maybe he should let his head be checked... Or perhaps his brains had been invaded by aliens or something. That made him think of bunch of B rated scifi and horror movies, which he never wanted to see again.

"I have no idea... But my report seems to be done now."

Gibbs had kept his eyes on the troubling Agent of his and he didn't like what he saw. The man had spent half an hour staring at something while his hands kept working, obviously writing something. It was like watching a sleepwalker at work.

After printing out the report, Tony stood up and walked to Gibbs's desk, dropping the report on his desk. "I'll go see Abby..." In fear of Gibbs stopping him, Tony rushed to the stairs. Using stairs instead of the elevator had become something he did whenever he could, wanting to keep in shape. Well, more than usual that is. And sometimes it was to avoid any impromptu 'elevator talks' with Gibbs. Now was one of such moments.

Gibbs on the other hand was in no way going to stop his second from leaving. He was hoping that perhaps Abby could cheer him up. Although, he really had to talk to Tony, and soon.

Looking over that report, Gibbs furrowed his eyebrows. The report was perfect. Too perfect and he didn't like it. It was as if one of those computer geeks had written it, minus the 'geek talk', which he wouldn't even understand. This report had no Tony in it. Although he would never admit it, he liked reading those reports DiNozzo made. They were perfect, DiNozzo way.

Staring at the empty desks, Gibbs wondered what the man had seen when looking there. He had seen the distant look whenever Tony even glanced toward the desks. Had he looked only at the desk where Blackadder used to sit, he would've automatically guessed the reason, but Tony's eyes kept darting between both empty desks whenever his eyes wandered there. And the way he moved his head to his side just a little, as if listening to something. Something in the office maybe? It was quiet in the morning and mostly there could only be heard the computers and a few soft 'good mornings' here and there.

A thought occurred Gibbs and he had a flash of memory of Tony talking to Ducky. That dream. He hadn't given it much thought after DiNozzo started working with him.

Shaking his head, Gibbs looked up as Tom Morrow strolled out of the elevator, looking grim. Seeing the questioning look Gibbs was giving him, Tom shook his head and formed ' _later_ ' with his mouth. _Well, this can't be good._ Gibbs frowned and nodded, watching the Director taking two steps at the same time before disappearing in his office.

Meanwhile, walking in the lab, first thing Tony saw was Abby holding a huge envelope against the light, obviously trying to see through it.

Shaking his head at it, Tony wondered what Gibbs would have done if he had walked in the room right then. Probably nothing as, just like in the dream, the former Marine had a soft spot in his heart for the young woman—too soft—which meant letting her get away with far too many things and perhaps unknowingly teaching her some bad habits with his own actions. Not that Tony had anything against Gibbs being close to Abby, but he worried how it would affect her in reality. He hated the possibility of seeing the woman turn out the same way as in the dream, which was one of the reasons he had done his best to keep certain distance between the two of them.

Walking farther in the room, Tony turned off the loud music, making Abby jump guiltily. "I'm not doing anything!" Turning around, Abby hid the envelope behind her back and relaxed, just a little, seeing Tony standing there. "Tony! You scared me!"

"Abby..." Tony sighed and stepped forward, holding out his hand.

"Gibbs already was here and brought me my Caf-Pow, but obviously you aren't here for that, since I can't see any Caf-Pow on you. Well, unless you did the mysterious appearing trick. I'm still trying to figure out how both Gibbs _and_ now you are doing it. I even tried to see if the cameras caught anything, but—"

"Abby."

Dropping her gaze to the floor, Abby gave the envelope. Chewing her bottom lip, she was nervous as Tony looked it over. Only a few seconds later Tony looked at her again, with a frown. "This is addressed to me. Want to confess?"

"It's just... You know... When you mentioned last week that you are scared of opening envelopes..."

"I was drunk. I could tell bunch of stuff that makes no sense when I've had too much to drink. You certainly do."

"Well yes, but... I wanted to find out what could have made you feel that way..."

Tony sighed, cursing inwardly. He _had_ noticed how lately some of his mail showed up randomly at odd times. "Have you been going through my mail every day since then?"

Abby at least had the decency to look guilty. "Well... Sorry... It's just that you never share anything about yourself. Aren't we friends? We _are_ friends, right? I mean _I_ think of you as one. You're my best friend. Tony... Do you really not—?"

"Abby!" Stepping closer to the now wide-eyed goth, he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her awkwardly. He didn't really hug people that much, so Abby used this rare moment and flung her arms around him before he had time to change his mind. Tony had a flash of a memory of a plague filled envelope and he almost shivered. He'd never forgive himself if anyone got hurt because of him. "I keep my work and private life separate for a reason. I care about you. If something would ever happen to you because of me, I would never forgive myself. _Gibbs_ wouldn't forgive me. He'd shoot me himself."

Abby frowned and pushed away to look at Tony. "Bossman wouldn't do that. He cares about you too."

"Wanna bet?"

"Well, as a matter of fact—"

"Promise me, Abby. Never touch my things without permission again. You could get seriously hurt."

Abby studied Tony. Trying to see if there was any hint of humor in his eyes, but all she saw was dead serious and almost intense gaze. "Alright. I won't do it anymore... But I really wish you wouldn't keep everyone at arm's length."

It was his defense mechanism. Born out of all the past hurts and mistakes, and now his dream, which really complicated things even further. Tony smiled slightly. "You already know me better than most people."

"Better than Gibbs and Ducky?"

"Better than most people."

Abby was pouting childishly, but Tony only laughed. Leaning closer, he head slapped her, shocking the woman speechless for a good few seconds. Although to be fair it was rather gently, especially compared to the real thing.

"Did you..? Tony! You Gibbs slapped me!"

"It's for doing what you shouldn't be doing."

"I'm telling Gibbs!"

"You wouldn't do that."

"Would too."

"Would not."

"I would."

"You wouldn't. I mean we're friends, right?" Tony walked away before his words hit Abby. When they did, the goth smiled widely.

"Friends..." Taking her Caf-Pow, Abby smiled even wider when she saw a second Caf-Pow there. It was too far from where Tony had stood. "A mystery..."

She could hardly imagine how she could have ever almost hated the former Detective. It had taken Ducky to point out to her that she had been childish and immature. Jealous over the suddenly shared attention between the two of them when it came to her beloved Bossman. She felt her cheeks flush red when she remembered that day again...

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_Abby stared at the monitor in front of her. For some reason the Caf-Pow tasted bad in her mouth, but she couldn't figure out why. It didn't even taste any different than usual._

_She was stuck with the image of the look on the young Detective's face and his retreating back as he left without looking back. Why did it bother her so much? It wasn't like she cared about the man. Didn't matter how good he may have looked in those leather pants, and boy did he look good..._

_Shaking her head at the image, she had to admit that had they met during some other circumstances and not with Gibbs bringing him there, she could have imagined them being friends. He really was special like that. A friend material. Good friend material._ Loyal _friend material. Unless her Abby instincts were all wrong. None of that mattered though. Not when the man could put Gibbs in danger. Not when Gibbs had his head full of this DiNozzo. Not even bringing her Caf-Pow to her himself..._

" _Abigail."_

_Startled, Abby looked over her shoulder, smiling when she saw Ducky standing at the door of her unusually quiet lab. Then she noticed the old man was obviously not in a very good mood. Instead of a gentle smile, there was a deep frown._ " _Duckman! You don't come here often."_

_Wordlessly, Ducky held out some sample, which she took with a curious look on her face._ " _I though Gerald was supposed to bring it here?"_

" _He had a family emergency."_

" _Wait,"_ _Abby spoke as the man was turning around to leave. "_ _Ducky, are you alright?"_

_Ducky shook his head. "No. I am not."_

" _Oh..! You're not hurt or sick are you? Does Gibbs know?"_

_Ducky smiled sadly._ _"I am not hurt._ _How foolish of me. I was not thinking when I said it like that... I am worried about our dear Anthony. He should not be going back to Baltimore in his condition. Not when I cannot trust that there will be someone to look after him. I should have been more firm with the young fool."_

_"Well it was about time."_

_Ducky stared at her. "Care to explain, Abigail?"_

_Abby wondered for a moment if she had said something wrong._ _"It's just that ever since Gibbs met Tony, everything has been about him. It was alright though. I knew it was just another obsession for Gibbs and it would pass once he found something more interesting. I didn't think he would bring Tony here. And at first it was okay, but now... Gibbs has spent too much time with him. Even when he's with me, he's still thinking about him. I can tell. I feel so... so..."_

_There was a grim look on Ducky's face and suddenly Abby wasn't sure how to take it. "Abigail... Are you not perhaps being a little unfair toward Anthony? Childish even?"_

" _What?" Abby was gaping._

" _There is no need to feel jealous. Jethro has not stopped caring about you. Surely you must know that."_

" _That's not it! Ducky, he's dangerous! I've seen enough of his files and seen_ him _to know that he's a walking accident! If Gibbs gets hurt or killed because of him..."_

" _It is not Anthony's fault if Jethro does get hurt or killed. You know that. It is their work that is dangerous. If anything, they are perfect for watching each other's backs. Two stubborn fools who do not care if they get hurt or what it would do to us who have to worry about their wellbeing, but if someone_ they _care about gets hurt... Well, you know how Jethro is like and I have a very good reason to believe Anthony is not much different. And I am sure you know how Jethro keeps asking for trouble all by himself. Or do you like it better if he keeps working on his own, without someone watching his back? Or have someone much less qualified than Anthony with him?"_

" _He's no Stan Burley," Abby stated stubbornly._

" _No. He is not, and that is only a good thing. Is it not?"_

_Abby frowned. "Stan was good. He made it that long with Bossman. Longer than anyone else."_

" _Yes. He was good indeed, but do I need to remind you why he left?" Abby shook her head slowly and Ducky looked almost pleased._ " _And do not tell me you did not have anything to do with the fact that so many other agents would not stay long working with Jethro. I know Jethro himself did not make it easy for anyone to stay either, but your jealousy could have cost his life, with no partner to watch his back. You know that having no backup does not stop him doing his work."_

_Abby's eyes went wide, both at the realization she'd been caught and what her actions could have cost._ " _But I didn't... I... I only..."_

" _I had my hopes. That Anthony would not only watch Jethro's back longer than anyone else has, but that he would also do it better than anyone else."_

" _But he's not—"_

" _Abigail! You are a very smart girl. Too smart to let some petty feelings of jealousy dumb you down."_

_Abby wiped away the lone tear rolling on her cheek. "Ducky... I didn't... I wasn't thinking... You're right. I am jealous... Whenever some new and young Agent comes to work with him... Getting to spend so much time with him and more than I ever could... I've seen the look in Bossman's eyes when he looks at Tony. This is huge. This is different. He's different from the others. It's almost like... But I always thought I'm the only one... I don't like it..."_

_Ducky's grim look softened for a bit. Perhaps he had gotten through her. Patting her shoulder he spoke more gently this time._ " _Maybe it is not too late to fix things."_

_Abby looked up at this, confused. "What do you mean?"_

_There was twinkling in the old man's eyes as he handed Abby a hundred dollars._

" _What is this for?"_

" _For that office bet you started on Anthony."_

_Abby's face turned deep red._ " _But... He already left..."_

_Ducky had a strange wondering look on his face. "Has he? If I were you, I would call Jethro."_

" _But Ducky. No one has bet a hundred dollars."_

" _I will take my chances and the risk seems worth it."_

* * *

One of her machines made the sound that indicated the work was done, ending the flashback.

Abby made a face. On the day Tony had officially become the Agent, Ducky had collected his money with a smug smile on his face, which was something you didn't see the man wearing very often. Then he took surprised Tony out for a couple of drinks and bought himself a new hat.

And now there was another bet going on... Almost everyone knew about Tony's 'two year mark' habit. Come to think of it... Most of the bets in these days had something to with Tony. From who he would date next to when he'd receive his next _work_ related injury. He had become their little 'celebrity'.

Tony and Gibbs were both admired, feared and respected. However, the difference between the two of them was that Tony was also well liked. Even popular. Something Gibbs couldn't claim to be even on his best day. Even his respect was fear based. And Abby could finally fully admit the reason, if only barely. As much as she loved her Bossman, Gibbs simply wasn't cut out to be friendly enough with just about everyone, even if it meant simply faking it. It was also one of the reasons why he could never become the Director. No matter how much Abby fancied the idea of her Bossman barking orders as their Director.

It was funny how fast she became attached to Tony once she let go of her jealousy. If only she could get the man to trust her enough with his secrets and life... She wondered for a moment what Gibbs would do if he'd know she might be the reason Tony was even more eager to take the bullets for him... No. She definitely was not brave enough. And she hated that she was unsure how Gibbs would react, when normally Bossman gave her plenty of leeway where he would never forgive others...

* * *

Sitting behind his desk later that day, Tony finally opened the big envelope that contained the sketches of the nurse. "Boss. The pictures are here..."

"Any good?"

"No... Not really... They all look too different..."

Deciding to focus for now on the sketch made from Agent Parker's description, Tony found himself staring at it for a long time. It really was too vague. Could be almost anyone. Also, for some reason none of the pictures had eyes. He brushed his fingers over Agent Parker's sketch, or rather the lips and the smile, tracing it with his fingers. It was a little odd that she'd remember the woman's smile, but not her eyes.

He had a flash of memory of someone else with a smile just like that. It was uncanny how alike they were, the picture and the smile from his memory.

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

" _Ziva!" Tony yelled as his partner held up her gun. She was pointing it toward their criminal who was holding a gun of his own. He had noticed soon enough that it was not a real weapon, but a children's toy. Very realistic, but definitely not real. Someone with Ziva's training should have been also able to see it was not a real thing. So then why..?_

" _Ziva, don't shoot!" he barely let the words out of his mouth when she smiled and shot their guy. Killing him with a single bullet to the heart._ " _I told you to_ not _shoot!"_

" _Oh. So it was a... fake? That_ is _the word?" Ziva shrugged as she walked closer to their now very dead suspect. Tony cursed and could already hear Gibbs and probie running toward them. What he saw next shocked him._

" _What happened?"_ _was the first thing Gibbs said when he made it to the scene and saw their guy dead._

_Ziva turned around and out of nowhere there was a tear rolling down her cheek and she looked almost broken. "I thought it was a real gun, Gibbs."_

_Tony could only stare as Ziva went through what happened, in her own words. During the whole time she seemed to be honestly distraught and Gibbs had his arms around her in a hug._

" _McGee! Take her back to the Navy Yard. We'll meet you there."_

" _But..."_

" _Now."_

_"Yes, boss..."_

_Silently Tony went to his work. It was then that he realized he wasn't the only one with undercover skills that could fool those who think they know you best. He wasn't sure what to think of it. Or maybe he did, but he wasn't yet ready to fully acknowledge the realization and the thoughts that came to him with that piece of knowledge.  
_

" _DiNozzo."_

" _Yes, boss?"_

" _Was that what happened?"_

_Tony actually looked, really looked at Gibbs, and realized it was only his word against Ziva's. Why should Gibbs listen to him over his new little favorite who kept pulling the 'poor little daughter card'? It sounded petty and childish, and maybe it was, but there was something more to it all. Something that was able to hold even Gibbs captivated. He only wished he knew what it was._

" _Yes, boss."_

* * *

Dropping the picture on the desk, Tony stood up. "Coffee run," was his only explanation as he stormed out of the bullpen.

Walking to the desk, Gibbs took the picture. Trying to see what had gotten such a reaction out of the man. As far as he could see, these sketches were useless. Then his phone rang, taking his mind somewhere else for a while. "Gibbs... On my way."

Going to the Director's office, Gibbs had a pretty strong feeling that the morning was only going to be getting worse.


	31. The DiNozzo Special

"Give me one of your non alcoholic drinks. I don't care which one, just give me one." Tony was sitting in a bar close to the Navy Yard, which was almost empty in the morning. 

"Why are you in a bar if you're not going to drink any alcohol?" The one speaking was the man who was making him some fancy drink. The guy looked almost as old as Gibbs and didn't seem annoyed, only curious. He had a dark complexion and his face was full of laughter, even when he wasn't laughing.

Tony showed his badge. "I'm on duty. Needed to get out for a while."

"I understand, though I thought you guys usually hang around the places that serve coffee? Or such impression I've been given."

"Usually. Wanted to avoid my boss following me and this isn't the kind of place he'd look from first. Buys me some time at least."

"Makes sense. So tell me, son... What brings a navy cop here so early in the morning?"

Tony almost laughed at the 'navy cop'. "Life."

The man chuckled and handed over the bright green drink, which Tony eyed suspiciously. "Go on. Trust me. It's good."

"You've tasted it?"

"Nope. First time I made it."

Laughing softly, Tony took a sip of the drink and then looked up surprised. The fruity drink was sparkly and perfect and it had so many flavors in it that he had a hard time figuring out what it must have been made of. Yet at the same time the flavors were in perfect balance. Although no alcohol, there seemed to be some caffeine in it. Strong kind. Perfect for him... Maybe even perfect for Abby. It certainly had that kind of 'kick' in it and it made his skin almost tingle with energy just from the first sip alone.

"Told you." The man looked smug.

"What's it called?"

The man looked thoughtful. "What's your name, Agent? I'm afraid I didn't catch it."

"Anthony DiNozzo."

"Anthony DiNozzo."

"Yes?"

"Anthony DiNozzo."

"Sorry?"

"The drink. It's called Anthony DiNozzo."

Tony stared for a while and then he laughed, feeling suddenly much better than when he came in the bar. His laughter brought a smile on the man's face also. "Well. I'm honored. I don't think I've had my own drink before."

Making himself the same drink, the man sat down to drink it and swore like a sailor. "It _is_ good. Must be the best one I've created so far. Maybe I'll start selling this? The Agent DiNozzo special?"

"You're funny, man." Tony chuckled.

"You can call me Isaac."

"Fitting."

"And why is that?"

"Laughter. Isn't that what your name means? You know, in Hebrew?"

Isaac looked thoughtful. "I never knew that. I was named after Isaac Newton."

"I was named after my father." Tony grimaced.

Figuring that talking about the young Agent's father might be a little too early and too much right now, Isaac decided to take the conversation to another direction. "So, you speak Hebrew?"

Tony snorted. "No. But I might have to start learning."

"Work?"

"Not really. Kind of. No. Maybe. I don't know. Let's just say that I want to be prepared for the storm if or when it hits."

"Want to talk about it?" Seeing the look Tony gave him, Isaac chuckled. "Believe it or not, but working in a bar makes you a really good listener and most people talking aren't even sober enough to make any sense what they're saying. Besides, during this time of the day I don't even have other clients yet, but they will start coming soon, so now would be a good time to use this chance to unload whatever is on your mind."

Tony mused how much he should say and what words to use. After all, he didn't know the man, even if he did like him faster than he liked most people. And the best part? They didn't work together or even in the same profession.

"There's this enemy—a criminal really—who looks from the outside the perfect Agent and partner to work with. Well, I guess for some people anyway. She fools them with her deception and for whatever reason, she loves letting me carry her crap. Some people even seem to think that we should become partners outside work as well. Not happening. She'd murder me after mating. She's dangerous and if there has ever been a woman I'm scared of, then it would be her. Pretty pathetic, huh? Big federal Agent like me is scared of a woman." Tony tried lightening up the heaviness in his heart with a soft and bitter laughter.

Isaac shook his head. "I disagree. Women can be scary, even scarier than us men. And much more dangerous. I mean, not often would you imagine a fragile looking woman is able to beat you in a wrestling match. And try proving that to the others if she decides to pull the 'weak woman' card on everyone."

"Old girlfriend?"

"Ex-wife. One of them."

"Oh, you can't be..." Tony laughed.

"What?"

Still amused, Tony shook his head. "No. Nothing. You just remind me of someone."

"So this woman. She's your work partner?"

"Not yet... She might become one... No one at work knows her yet and neither does she know me, _I hope_ she doesn't, but... I know it all sounds crazy and it's not even making any sense... Just trust me. It's very bad news if Ziva David becomes part of our team and personal lives. So I will fight tooth and nail to stop that from happening, which reminds me that I really should first try to find out if she even exists..."

Isaac chuckled and stood up when another customer stepped inside. "You're right. It does sound crazy. But don't worry, I still like you."

Tony smiled weakly and finished his drink while Isaac was making a drink for the new customer. Taking out his wallet, he was about to ask for the price, only to get a firm headshake from Isaac.

"It's on the house. It's thanks to you I created that thing in the first place."

Hesitating, Tony put away his wallet. Smiling and giving his business card instead, he was given one in return.

"I hope this means you will come again."

"Certainly. Thanks." Tony meant by the thanks much more than ' _thanks for the free drink_ '.

From the bar to the coffeehouse and then back to the Navy Yard, he felt much happier and his steps lighter. Maybe he could do this after all...

By the time he was back and sitting behind his desk, Tony was wondering how he could keep this secret from Gibbs. Especially if he wanted to search out any information that Ziva was real and not only someone from his dream. He would obviously have to use some of his contacts, but then he would also have to figure out some excuse when the questions came up...

With his hand hovering over the phone on the desk, Tony dropped it when Gibbs came back, looking mad and barely noticing the new coffee on his own desk. "We have a problem, boss?"

"Our case. And the incident yesterday. They're both linked."

"And that's a problem for us because?"

"It seems we got too close to something we weren't supposed to get.

"Who? FBI? CIA?"

"None of those."

"Then who?"

"Mossad."

Tony froze. Okay. _That_ was a little _—way_ —too much of a coincidence and he just like Gibbs believed in the rule 39, ' _There is no such thing as coincidence_ '. "Mossad? As in the Mossad in Israel?"

"Yes. That one."

"Why would they have any say in our country? You're telling me one of _their_ people murdered those people, _our_ people, and now it's _us_ who are stepping on _their_ toes?" Tony wasn't even trying to hide the deep disdain leaking from the tone of his voice. He loved Israel and he knew many good people from there. Even one of his frat brothers had been born there. But too many bad thoughts came to his mind when Mossad was brought up. Namely anything that had something to do with Ziva and her family.

"Seems that one of their people switched sides and went on a murdering spree around a few countries and now they are trying to cover it up. Our big boss owed some huge favor and now we are ordered to drop the whole thing."

"And Director just lets it happen?" Tony couldn't believe it. Jenny and Vance, sure. They would do it without a backwards glance. But Morrow? That wasn't his style.

"He is just as pissed off as we are, but his hands are tied, which is why he told me that as long as we don't get caught, we can continue looking into it and he will pretend to not know a thing. Of course we have to be extremely cautious and quiet about it... And do it while working on any other cases we may have at the same time... To treat it like one of our cold cases."

Tony grinned. "I knew he was always my favorite..."

"Oh... And DiNozzo... If I even _smell_ any alcohol in your breath, you'll be working behind the desk for a month."

Tony stared. _How did he_..? "No. Didn't drink any alcohol."

"Good..." Gibbs felt relieved and then guilty for even _thinking_ that DiNozzo would betray his trust like that. The phone rang and Gibbs answered it, hoping for something else to think for a while. "Gear up. We have a dead Marine in a strip club."

"Ooh. I like the sound of that!" Tony of course earned a head slap for that comment. "Sorry, boss. Will keep my focus on the work, boss."


	32. Storm Before Calm And Calm Before Storm

Tony was faltering at the steps, even longer than at the door. Why was he doing this anyway? He'd been avoiding this, to not show up uninvited at Gibbs's place. Yet his feet had taken him there anyway, only to end up getting stuck where he now was. Somewhere between going down or leaving while he still could.

"You coming or are you waiting for an invitation, DiNozzo?" Gibbs called from the basement. He had been listening to the footsteps until they stopped. Took him a while figuring out who it was. This was the first time DiNozzo had come without him ordering the young man and he wasn't sure how to feel about it. Part of him was happy that they seemed to have crossed another obstacle between their slightly hesitant _—_ on Tony's part—friendship. And at the same time he was also a little worried what this unexpected visit could mean.

Tony hesitated still and just as Gibbs was about to bark an order, he finally moved and slowly came down, eyeing the boat with curiosity. "Wow. You've made some progress since I was here last time..."

To tell the truth, Tony wished he could come here more often. Just to watch his boss working on it. It used to be one of his favorite ways to spend his time in the dream, which was something their teammates would have never believed even if they had seen it, him just enjoying sitting there quietly and watching their boss work or just listening to the calming sounds that came from the making of the boat.

Gibbs pointed for him to sit down. "What do you want, DiNozzo?"

Tony flinched at the tone. Bad timing. Gibbs was obviously in a bad mood. Again. "Nothing... Nevermind... Sorry for bothering you."

"Sit down." Gibbs glared and waited until Tony sat down on the lower steps. Then after a while he pointed at the boat, which he was working on again. "Wanna help?"

"Wha—? Oh no. No. Wouldn't want to break anything and then get head slapped by you, boss." Sure, Tony had those dream memories of doing this before, but it wasn't same as actually doing it. He wasn't kidding when he told Gibbs he didn't want to break anything. Knowing how much work the man put into these boats, he didn't think Gibbs would thank anyone else breaking them. It was his own secret pleasure or something.

Gibbs just stared and waited until the young man finally stood up and made his way to the boat with unsure gait. Tony hesitated until he finally picked up a tool and started working on the boat, without waiting to be told what to do, which surprised Gibbs. Smiling when Tony wasn't looking, Gibbs walked to the other side of the boat to continue where he was left.

Time went on and neither man knew how long they'd been working. Gibbs was almost shocked to not hear a sound coming from the young man's mouth during the entire time.

"You know... It's kind of hard to know what you really want when first you tell me to sit down and then right after that you make me work on your boat."

Ah. There it was. Gibbs smirked, knowing DiNozzo couldn't see him from behind the boat. "Work. No talking."

"On it, boss..."

It was three in the morning when they both finally decided they needed to either get some sleep or coffee. Knowing that there was some reason the man had come and knowing he had a few things to say himself, Gibbs decided to make coffee. Who needed sleep anyway? Sleep was for the weak.

While the coffee was on the way, Tony stood in the living room, wondering about things like his past, his dream and his future. He had barely a faint idea of how to deal with certain situations _if_ they would be the same as in his dream. And he was scared, even if he wasn't too eager to admit it. By now he knew there was no way to change everything. He was no God. He was simply trying to act based on what he had seen _in a dream_ of all things, but he was only one man. Carrying such burden on his shoulders felt hardly fair to him. And why him? Didn't he already have other issues to deal with?

Another thought hit him. He wouldn't _want_ anyone else to have to deal with this either. He'd rather take it all on himself than watch someone else suffer. Why did he have to be such self-sacrificing idiot? Not like anyone would be thanking him for it, even if they knew. He also was not sure if he was happy with the way things were, that his dream was just that, a dream, which to him was still very much real. All that pain and hurt, which still felt so raw and he knew that to some degree it would always feel that way.

Perhaps he was being unfair toward the people? It wasn't like they knew about his dream, what they had done and what they hadn't done in it. However, whenever he even thought about letting the memories go away and just live his life like the dream didn't even exist, he was hit by those flashbacks. Making him realize that no, he _could not_ just let it go. He _could not_ take the easy way out and just close his eyes from everything he knew. And even if his dream hadn't been the reality he believed in, the people from it had so far been very much real.

He hadn't yet found any proof that Ziva David was real, which wasn't that much of a surprise since she was most likely somewhere in Israel anyway, but he now had solid proof that not only did McGee, Kate and even Jimmy exist, they were in the same exact position where they had been before becoming what he had learned to know them as. He was unsure what to do with all that knowledge or even how to feel, but for now he would just file away the information among many others.

Leaning closer to the old and worn photograph on the couch, Tony picked it up. Gibbs must have forgotten it there... Shannon and Kelly. They were beautiful, Gibbs's girls... He felt that twinge of envy again. That same ugly feeling of envy that would soon turn into a shame. He had no right to feel that way. Not when those two were taken from Gibbs in such a cruel way.

Still, he would have much rather lived a short life. Short and happy. With loving parents and a happy life. Compared to what he had been given instead, a life that was far too long and miserable. And now, thanks to the dream, it felt at least twice as long and bad. It was no wonder he was a walking suicide risk. The kind of work he had chosen to do and the kind of childhood and life he had. And you couldn't forget his mother who died of drug overdose. Maybe it was genetic? After all it seemed like his family history was full of tragic endings from both sides. Money certainly didn't bring happiness for anyone in his family...

He wondered what Gibbs would say if he knew just how messed up his Senior Field Agent really was?

"You were so blessed, Kelly... I hope you knew that..." Knowing that Gibbs wouldn't like anyone knowing about his family, Tony was about to hide the picture inside the book, which the man had obviously been reading.

"What do you think you're doing, DiNozzo?"

Startled by the sudden voice, Tony looked up. "Ah... I saw this picture and... Well... Figured you wouldn't want anyone just walking in and seeing it... So I—"

"So you figured you could just touch it without permission?" Gibbs was seeing red and besides that all he could see was the picture, still being held gently by DiNozzo.

"Boss..." Tony tried not to show his hurt as he spoke softly, and a little uncertainly. "I won't tell anyone if that's what's bugging you. I wasn't snooping around. You must've forgotten it here..."

"Right. You weren't snooping around? Like it's not your second nature, sticking your nose where it doesn't belong!" Gibbs stepped forward and snatched the picture from Tony, hiding it away in his pocket. He was angry, but unsure why he was angry. Distantly he knew it wasn't DiNozzo he was even mad at, but not willing to dwell on those thoughts too long, he walked back in the kitchen to calm down. He never saw the look on the young man's face.

Once he was feeling much calmer and even feeling like making up for his bastard behavior, Gibbs poured a generous amount of coffee for them both.

"Coffee is done. I've got some leftover cake someone gave me. If you want, we could..." Stopping in the middle of the living room, Gibbs finally noticed how silent and empty the house suddenly was and no DiNozzo in sight. Going outside he saw that the man's car was gone, so he didn't even bother checking any other rooms. Had he just ruined his chances of making DiNozzo _want_ to stay longer than those two years working with him..?

* * *

Getting out of his car, Tony leaned against it and looked at the stars, which looked so much like tiny sparkling gems. It was a shame you couldn't see them like this in the city...

Idiot, he was an idiot. Big time. Hadn't he learned anything yet? Shannon and Kelly were a _very_ sore subject to Gibbs. A wound that never heals. He just _had_ to find and pick up that photo...

"Did I do something wrong? I mean other than torturing people with my movie references and playing pranks on the few lucky ones... Surely they're not bad enough for all _this_. Or is it because I'm DiNozzo? Is this some sort of punishment for my father conning people out of their money? Is that what it is? The son must carry the sins of his father, for his father?" Rubbing his tired eyes, Tony sighed when he heard another car getting closer and finally stopping next to his own car. "You know what... I'll stop complaining if you just keep the bastard away from me. Okay? Deal? No?"

"You talking to yourself now, DiNozzo?"

Without even looking at the former Marine walking closer to him, Tony snorted. "Yeah, well, gotta talk to _someone_ and I would feel bad waking up anyone."

Gibbs leaned against the car, next to Tony. "Hmh... It's quiet in here. Peaceful. And beautiful. Didn't think of you as a 'nature lover'."

"People think many things about me and usually they don't get anything right."

"Tony..."

"So who did _you_ wake up in order to find me?"

Gibbs grimaced at the memory of the foul language at the other end of the phone, for waking up the man to help him track down his Agent.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

" _Jethro! It's almost four in the morning! I only fell asleep one hour ago!"_

" _Need your help finding my Agent." Gibbs was completely unapologetic._

" _What has he done this time?"_

" _Nothing."_

" _Then why—"_

" _Just find him for me, will you?"_

_There was silence at the other end and then he could hear the man putting clothes on, with some more cursing._ " _Can't your own people help you out with this?"_

" _Already pissed off our Director today by giving a black eye to one of our suspects. Figured I'd take DiNozzo's advice and keep a low profile for a while."_

_The other man was chuckling at the mental image. "What he do? Make you drop your coffee?"_

" _Was hitting on my Agent and got a little bit too aggressive."_

_There was a shocked silence. "I never knew you'd be hitting a woman, Jethro... Not even someone like Diane..."_

" _Never said it was a woman."_

_Silence again. "Oh. Well, I'll be... That the reason you need help finding him now?"_

" _No. Get to work now. Call me when you find him."_

" _I swear, Jethro, one of these days I won't—"_

* * *

After cutting off the call, Gibbs didn't have to wait too long for his friend to call him back, having made someone locate Tony's phone. Now it was almost six in the morning and they were outside the city and away from the city lights.

"Please don't tell me you called _him_..." Tony almost groaned, knowing full well how the two men were always collecting favors from each other. It was like watching a tennis match. Seeing the look on Gibbs's face, Tony sighed. "Great... Now he's got more ammo against me. Thanks a lot, boss. Couldn't you just find me using your gut or something? Or even better, let me have my moment alone. Next time I'll make sure you can't find me."

Shrugging, Gibbs held out the bottle of bourbon he had taken with him. Eyeing it curiously, Tony took it, taking a long sip before handing it back. "I hope you realize we must drive back after this."

"Not gonna get drunk. Are you?"

"No..."

After a while they both sat down on the grass, just staring silently at the sea of stars against the dark sky.

"It wasn't your fault," Gibbs spoke suddenly. Having been trying to figure out which one of the things to say first.

"Huh?"

"Vivian."

"Boss... If I hadn't—"

"Not your fault. She should've known better. She froze. Doesn't matter if it's for a minute or a few seconds. In this job we have to work fast and sometimes we have to act faster than we can even think."

"It wasn't her—"

"Didn't say it's her fault either, DiNozzo. She knew what she was signing up for when she chose her career. Just like you and I."

Tony took another sip of the bourbon, before giving it back to Gibbs. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me. Not after the way I behaved back there."

"Boss... It's okay... I und—"

"How'd you know?"

"Know what?"

"Them. How'd you know about them?"

Tony was quiet. Not knowing what Gibbs knew about his dream, he was trying to figure out what to say. "You're not the only one who does research on people you end up working with. And you're certainly not the only one with people who can do some really deep digging for you. You've got Abby. I've got my own people."

Gibbs felt for a moment the need to be honest and admit his eavesdropping back then, but decided against it. It didn't feel right moment for that. Not now when he had other things to talk about. "Right."

Wondering what the man meant by that, Tony actually looked at Gibbs for the first time since he showed up there. He didn't see in the darkness anything he could read on the man's face.

"Tony. I wasn't mad at you for finding that photo. I was... I wasn't really even mad. I can't even explain why I was feeling the way I did."

"You were angry at the world."

"Sounds about right."

"It's okay... You're not the only one hating the world for how unfair and cruel it is."

"I know. Still... I'm sorr—"

"Rule 6, boss."

"Doesn't count between friends—between us—so let me say it. I'm sorry."

Ignoring the fluttering of his heart, Tony blinked away the sudden wetness in his eyes. "So are you finally going to say it or do I have to say it, boss?"

Gibbs didn't say anything. He simply couldn't find the right words, no matter how much he had tried.

"So... Almost two years," Tony finally said.

"Hmm..." Gibbs frowned, since just thinking about it made him cranky.

"I was wondering for weeks _why_ you've been acting like a bastard more than usually and then it hit me. It all started when we heard those two morons talking about that bet. You know the ' _two year mark DiNozzo_ ' bet."

Gibbs remained quiet. DiNozzo hadn't seemed upset once they found out he was the target for most bets in the office. He had heard that the bets reached even the FBI building. He on the other hand had felt like having a private 'chat' with anyone he thought was having a part in those.

"Twenty. That's how much I put in."

Gibbs froze and turned to look at the young man. "You did what? I didn't know you can do that."

Tony shrugged and flashed his trademark smile, which was obvious even in the darkness with nothing but moon and stars giving them some light. "There were no rules against it. I mean I guess there is _now_... But you should have seen the look on Abby's face when she realized I knew about the whole thing."

"Abby..?"

"Well yeah. She started it all with the very first bet against me."

_Oh great_... Gibbs grumbled in his mind. How was he supposed to have that 'chat' of his with _Abby_..?

"It's fine, Gibbs. You know she and I had a rocky start back then. It's not a big deal. I'm used to it."

Gibbs looked at Tony curiously. "People make often bets about you?"

"Oh, you wouldn't believe me. Almost as much as I pull my pranks on people. Really, it's not that bad. You should've seen me in college, and the bets back then were much bigger and... much different, mostly. Or maybe not."

Gibbs didn't point out the obvious, which was that these were agents—adults—they were talking about, not bunch of frat boys. "So what are you going to do?"

"Don't know... I admit I've looked at my options. I have some standing work offers, which I can accept any time I want to."

"What? When? _Who_?" Gibbs was suddenly on full alert. The look on his face darkening and his every possessive instincts awakening.

Tony grinned. He was secretly enjoying seeing this side of Gibbs. Not always, but sometimes. "Relax. Most are from before my time with you and NCIS. Only couple of them are from the time I've been working with you. And honestly, I'm not sure I like those two. It would be too much like stepping on the dark side."

"You're not going anywhere," Gibbs stated stubbornly.

"Oh really? Then why are you so afraid that I will?"

"Because—" Gibbs was muttering curses under his breath, realizing he'd been played.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not now. Not _yet_. It's true that I haven't fully made up my mind, but for now you don't at least have to worry about that two-year curse of mine."

Gibbs noticed the choice of words. It meant nothing was permanent and so he still couldn't relax. The two men went back to the silence between them, only this time they were both feeling much more relaxed.

"You know... I came here so I could be alone. To think stuff. Alone."

"You think too much. Be glad I came."

"Ha-ha... You're not funny, boss." Looking at the time, Tony closed his eyes for a moment, not believing what they saw. "Hey, boss."

"What?"

"We have to get to work. We're going to be late and we both need some coffee..."

* * *

Stepping out of the car, Tony soon found himself admiring the sniper rifle. Now that they had an entire weekend off, he had all the time needed to start taking lessons from one of the best. It had been no surprise to him that they couldn't do anything with the case of that mysterious ninja person either, but it made Gibbs beyond mad. So this was also a perfect time to get away from the firing line.

"Wow. My boss would either be proud of me or hit me so hard, for even thinking about doing this."

"What excuse did you give him?"

"The usual. Going on a date with some girl I met and so on. You know, the usual. Something that people won't have a hard time believing."

"Okay then. Less talking, kid, and more action."

"I'm on it, X. Or should I call you Terminator instead?"

"X?"

"What? It sounds way cooler than calling you Eugene. No offense..." Tony rushed to say, seeing as the old man had that dangerous glint in his eyes, which he knew far too well. Although old, Eugene's trigger fingers were still very good indeed and he wasn't going to test his luck with the retired policeman.

"Let's get going then. Move it, move it!"

"We're not in the army..." Tony complained, but found himself soon obeying. What else would he do with a man crazy about his guns, rifles and even explosives, and who knows what else he had hidden somewhere under his clothes? Not to mention that the guy was just a little bit on the loony side too... A good man, but crazy.

While running to the practice area where they had chosen to do this, Tony was wondering what on earth he was doing, for the fourth time on that day alone. He was near perfection when using his handgun and did just fine with his knifes when the situation so demanded, but a rifle and a _sniper_ rifle of all things..?

There was no choice. He had to do it. It was the only thing he could think that might stop those nightmares from torturing him both day and night. The closer they got to the 'Kate timeline', the worse they became. Seeing her in his dreams, all so different, but each one of them ending with him staring at her face with that bleeding hole mocking him. One of the worst dreams he's had so far was the one he had at Gibbs's place, triggered by the death of Viv. The death that was so similar to Kate's that it was just plain creepy. And then there was the car explosion, like the universe was just throwing middle fingers at his face from every side and corner it could think of.

Taking his position with the sniper rifle, Tony took a few deep breaths to calm down his nerves. He was no sniper and never would be, but all he would need was one perfect shot when the time was right... Eugene was perfect. He had met him years ago and the man had helped him make the final decision of him becoming a cop. He didn't ask any questions when Tony had asked for help. Such trust almost scared him, but he was grateful. This way no one would know what he was doing or ask too many questions.

"Well, Ari. I won't let you do it for the second time." He took a few more deep breaths, not sure anymore if he was still nervous or excited. "Till we meet, you bastard..." He pulled the trigger.


	33. Kate

Opening the door to his apartment, Tony grabbed the shirt from the floor, to wipe off some of the sweat from his face and neck. Running usually cleared his head, but today nothing helped. He was feeling far too restless and nervous.

Today was _the day_.

After a quick shower he slumped on his new couch and put his feet on the coffee table. He had found the couch on the internet and it cost just as much as it looked like it would, and then some more, but it felt so good to sit or even sleep on. Worth all the money. Perfect for when he was too tired to get himself in bed, and that meant he used his couch more often than his bed, which he hardly even saw anymore.

It had now been months since the last time he had been to Gibbs's place. Sure, the man had apologized, which in Gibbs language meant 'when the pigs would grow wings and fly over the moon'. And they had become closer since the incident. They even were much more in sync at work, which didn't go unnoticed by other people, since their solve rate had jumped even higher than before. Everyone were happy.

He knew it was confusing and frustrating Gibbs how he kept coming up with excuses to not have to go to his house, but it was a step he was not ready to take yet. Not again, not too soon. He knew he was being a coward and that he needed to stop avoiding the place. He knew it, and yet...

Glancing toward his phone next to him, Tony got nervous again. If the phone call didn't happen, then most likely rest of the day wouldn't either. Then it would also prove that his dream was just that, a dream. As crazy as it had been.

Standing up, he walked to his grand piano and sat down. The poor thing had been collecting dust lately. He only got half way playing the song ' _Hit the road Jack_ ' when he heard the phone ringing. Rushing to answer it, he was oddly disappointed when it was Eugene, calling to check if he was still going to their next 'lesson'. While the lessons had _—_ all but one—gone well, he found himself wondering if he maybe should tell Gibbs at least something. Maybe say he was interested in learning new skills? He sure would have to figure out _something_ before Gibbs found everything out himself and then they would both be unhappy...

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

" _What happened?" Gibbs stood up the moment he saw Tony hopping in the bullpen with a pair of crutches._

" _Just a little accident..."_

" _A little? Ducky seen you yet?"_

" _Good heavens, no." Tony answered, imitating Ducky's way of talking before grimacing as he slowly sat down behind his desk._

" _DiNozzo," Gibbs spoke with a warning tone as he demanded to be given a proper explanation._

_Oh, he was never going to hear the end of this now. "I shot myself."_

" _You did what?" Gibbs stared at Tony with unbelief on his face, before narrowing his eyes._ " _Try again, DiNozzo. Accidents like that don't happen to you."_

" _Well it did."_

_Gibbs tried spotting a lie there, but as he came up with nothing—neither truth nor a lie—he gave up. For now at least._ " _So how did it happen? Did you just point at your feet and shot at yourself?"_

_Tony almost blushed. Not that he did it on purpose, but that was pretty much how it happened. After his first victorious and near perfect shot with the sniper rifle, he got a little bit too sure of himself and ended up shooting through his right foot. Such a rookie mistake. Although he would surely now be too paranoid to ever let_ that _happen again... Didn't matter though how much he was bitching and moaning, Eugene had simply patched him up_ war style _and made him continue with the practice. Giving up simply wasn't an option. Sometimes he wasn't sure whether he hated or loved the man... Just like with Gibbs. Did he actually attract crazy people..?_

" _Something like that... Look. It's nothing. I went hunting with a friend of mine and this is the result of it. Looks worse than it is. Will be as good as new in no time. It's mostly just my pride that got hurt."_

" _I thought you were meeting some girl."_

_"It was a double date. She and I, a friend and his girlfriend."_

" _You took your date on a_ hunting trip _?" There was obvious disbelief in Gibbs's voice._

" _Well... She's that kind of woman. Got a good laugh over my little accident."_

" _Hmh..."_

" _Boss... Don't tell Ducky. I've already seen a doctor."_

" _You really think you can keep this from him? I thought you're smarter than that, DiNozzo."_

" _No... But it would give me a moment to prepare before he gets his hands on me."_

_Gibbs gave a small grin. "Fine. But it's still desk duty for you, until Ducky says you're okay for more."_

" _Boss..." Tony shut his mouth at the look his boss gave him._

" _And Tony... Be more careful next time. At least let me know if you're going to do some more 'hunting'."_

" _Why? So that you can stalk me around?"_

" _Precisely."_

_Tony shook his head and didn't promise anything. He didn't want to lie if he could help it. Plus he knew Gibbs would already try to find out the truth, the whole truth, with or without his help._

" _DiNozzo. If we get off early... Cowboy steaks at my place."_

" _Actually... I've kind of already promised to be somewhere else... You know, that girlfriend. She wants to go all mother hen on me. Maybe some other time?" Tony could feel the icy gaze on him. He did not want to see what kind of emotions those eyes held right now so he kept his eyes on his computer screen._ " _Maybe you could invite that redhead you've been meeting in secret?"_

" _Yeah... Maybe I will..."_

* * *

Most likely Gibbs already knew by now that he simply did not want to go to his place anymore. Didn't mean the man was giving up though. Small part in him got bit of a satisfaction over it and at the same time Tony wondered if he would be already brave enough to accept one of those invitations. He did miss those cowboy steaks...

Having had enough of waiting, Tony put on his best suit, feeling the need for stronger than usual armor today. After some time of the more casual look, he had gone 'back' to wearing the suits. Mostly whenever he was feeling the need for some 'protection' like today.

He was in such a hurry to get to the Navy Yard that he barely remembered to grab his phone with him and he was almost at work when the phone rang again. Without taking his eyes off the road, he answered. "DiNozzo." It was the dreaded phone call.

With a heavy weight on his shoulders, he ended the call only a moment later. He had to book a flight for them...

* * *

Gazing at the airplane, Tony let out a weary sigh. They were in Kansas.

Having today gone through way too many same situations as in the dream, he was now exhausted. The most annoying one of those situations were still the looks they got at the airport. Not many people knew NCIS, no surprise there... Good thing Ducky had saved the potentially explosive situation between Gibbs and the security guard. At least 'this time' _he_ had managed to use his magic and get them on a better flight, which hadn't been easy and now he owed a favor to his ex-girlfriend...

"Well... It at least looks just like before..."

"It's Air Force One, DiNozzo. You haven't been there before," Gibbs grumbled. With all the trouble they'd been having on the way, he was now in a bad mood. Not that he was being 'Mr. Sunshine' on a normal day.

"Right. I was talking about this movie I saw and—"

"Start moving, DiNozzo. Don't want to miss our pissing contest with whoever else might be there already."

"Oh, I'm sure we'll win the fight, boss..." Tony smirked as they moved closer.

"You bet..."

"Although... Maybe it would be better to let the FBI handle this one..."

Gibbs looked at him as if he had lost his mind. "You on drugs, DiNozzo?"

Once they got inside the plane, it was that déjà vu all over again. Only it was too real.

"Ducky..." Tony turned to face his old friend, while Gibbs started arguing with pretty much everyone else on the plane. Pissing contest indeed. He didn't have to hear a word to know what was being said.

"What is it, Anthony?" Ducky was suddenly concerned at how pale Tony looked.

"Today is kind of... bad day for me. I'm sure you will find out soon why, but... Please make sure I don't end up making a fool out of myself in front of Gibbs and... anyone..."

"Are you feeling ill? Maybe you should lie down for a bit?" Ducky touched Tony's forehead, feeling how damp it was.

" _No_... Ducky, no. It's not that. Just... You'll understand soon. Just make sure I don't—"

"Make a fool out of yourself. I will keep that in mind, Anthony."

Giving a grateful smile, Tony joined the others and he would have almost enjoyed seeing Gibbs and Fornell growling at each other, had he not seen _her_. Kate.

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

" _Come on Kate. Don't tell me you've never seen it? Not one episode? It's_ Magnum _we're talking about!"_

_Sure she knew it, but if she'd admit it, he would go most likely into another Magnum quoting spree... Rolling her eyes, she pointed at him with the chopsticks and made sure there was no food in her mouth before speaking. "Look, not everyone is a movie buffoon like you, Tony."_

_"It's not a movie, Kate."  
_

_"Right..."_

" _It would be amazing to be like him," Tony spoke, with a dreamy look on his face, ignoring the irritated look Kate gave him._

" _Who?" She asked anyway and immediately regretting it._

" _Magnum."_

" _Oh, for the love of... I really don't understand how you can be the Senior Field Agent, Tony."_

_He blinked. That actually did hurt. It always did. "Well, Kate... I'm sure you can ask Gibbs why he wanted me here in the first place."_

" _Gibbs_ wanted _you? Are you sure you're not lying, Tony?" Kate grinned. Maybe she was joking, maybe not. It was hard to tell sometimes.  
_

_Trying to change the subject, Tony put back his goofball mask. "Hey, do you know the movie where..."_

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

_He was coughing so hard it felt he must've coughed his lungs out by now. He felt dizzy and worse than he had ever felt during any of his other work related injuries. And he'd had a lot of those. Maybe more than he should have. Distantly he was aware of someone brushing his hair off his face and then he was somehow moved into a better position, to help him breathe._

" _Come on, Tony... You can do it... You wouldn't dare to go against Gibbs's orders, would you..?" Kate spoke more softly than she had ever spoken to him during the whole time they had known each other._

" _Ka... Kate..." Tony gasped. It was so hard to speak. Plus it made his coughing fits last longer and breathing even harder. He probably even had tears in his eyes, but he was too worn out to care.  
_

" _Don't speak... Just breathe..."_

" _Wh're... 'ere..?"_

" _Well, somebody has to make sure you won't try to sign yourself out AMA again."_

" _Was'n... leav'n..."_

" _Sure you weren't. But I'm impressed. You made it so far as two steps from the bed. You're lucky I was here."_

_He mumbled something. It really was hard to talk. And he was so tired and done being used as a pincushion. He wanted to sleep, but it was near impossible, unless he passed out._

_"What?"_

" _...nurse... outfit... for 'e..?"_

" _You're such a pig!"_

_Trying to laugh, Tony started coughing again and this time it took much longer for him to be able breathe. By the time he finally got enough air in his lungs, he was already slipping into darkness. The sweet merciful darkness, his best friend in these days. Before it completely took him again, he was feeling soft hands caressing his face and heard a soothing voice speaking to him._

* * *

The woman hadn't changed a bit. If you could even say that of course, comparing a dream and reality. She still held her head high and looked important. After all she did work for the Secret Service and surely you couldn't get much more important than that. It was still amusing.

The two of them had played cats and dogs, but despite some hurtful moments they had somehow gotten to that brother and sister type of relationship level. You know, both hate and love. It _may_ have headed toward something more, but they never got the chance to find that out...

The grin on his face turned into a frown. He wasn't sure if he wanted to let her know him as a goofball this time. Not when she'd had such a hard time taking him seriously the first time. At the same time he wasn't willing to drop away any of his masks either. He also wasn't sure if he even wanted Kate to join them again, as much as he'd love that. Would she be safer working in some other place than with them?

Holding up his head, Tony surrounded himself with the 'cool air of professionalism' and walking to the woman, he held out his hand. "Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. NCIS."

She looked confused. During this whole time she had been mostly forced to stand in the background and ignored, while others kept arguing over who's got the rights to what. She was sizing up the young Agent who, despite the business like dark suit, didn't really look like Agent. He looked more like some big money movie star _trying_ to look like one. Not impressed by the first impression, she figured she might as well be polite and so she shook his hand. "Agent Caitlin Todd. Secret Service."

Tony nodded and walked away, leaving the woman staring after him even more confused than before.

"Anthony?"

Tony looked at the old doctor who had kept an eye on them, even while joining in the arguing. He glanced toward Kate and then back at Ducky. "It's her, Ducky. That's Kate."


	34. That Hand Holding My Hand

He hesitated at the door. He could've just reached the man with his phone... Opening the door and stepping inside the house, Tony was hardly surprised that the first place where he looked from was where he found his boss. The basement. Although he sort of knew the why, but still... Why was it always the basement?

Not wanting to startle Gibbs while he was at the shooting distance, Tony spoke before he was downstairs. "Boss."

Gibbs looked up. The moment he saw that his ears hadn't heard wrong, he felt strangely happy. And... Was he even smiling now..?

Tony stared at his boss's face, which had went from dark and gloomy to bright in a matter of seconds. It was so foreign and weird to see on the man's face... Even if he had seen him smiling like that _sometimes_.

"Did you decide to finally come for the cowboy steaks? Although there isn't really any food in the house right now, but I'm sure we could order in something for now."

"Um... No... Not here for the cowboy steaks, boss..." Tony felt strangely bad for telling the truth. The flash of disappointment on the older man's face did not make him feel any better. "We've got a case... Got a call from Quantico."

Gibbs nodded, looking oddly absent minded. Putting down the tool he'd been working with on the boat, he walked to the stairs. "You coming, DiNozzo?"

"Uhm... Yeah. I'm coming. I got the lights..."

The moment Gibbs had changed his clothes and they were both walking outside, Tony suddenly made up his mind. "Boss?"

"What?"

"As soon we are both free from work and not too tired to even eat anything... Cowboy steaks..?" he finally said it, almost too quietly to be heard, but Gibbs did hear him. Loud and clear.

"You'll bring something to drink then," Gibbs said gruffly and cupped the back of Tony's neck, who felt a shiver run through him.

He was almost terrified, but he had 'missed' this. No... He _needed_ this. In the midst of all this and more, he had forgotten why he had followed Gibbs in the first place and why he had stayed through all the storms _—_ mostly storms _—_ and sunshines beside the man. Like loyal St. Bernard. Even if it had all been in a dream... He was getting tired of always correcting himself. Always reminding himself that it had been just a dream.

It was almost as if there were two of him: the dream him and the one from before the coma, having a constant battle of pulling the rope from one end to the other. Would he ever find that much needed peace in his own head? After two years, he was getting so tired and sometimes he wished... Wished that he hadn't woken up from the coma. He'd be stuck in the dream where he had done the best decision ever by finally walking away. He was _so tired_...

"Tony?" Gibbs's voice seemed to be coming from far away and as Tony stared at the man's face, he was swaying dangerously, yet he didn't register that or the strong steadying arm taking hold of him.

"Boss? I don't feel too good..."

"Tony? DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked and felt helpless when that glazed look in the man's eyes didn't disappear. Instead the eyes rolled back and then he was unconscious. Dragging Tony back inside the house and on the couch, Gibbs took out his phone and called Ducky.

"Duck... Need you here."

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY -_ **

_He could hear a steady beeping noise. He wanted to yell for it to stop already, but there was something down his throat and it was too painful to even try to make a sound. He tried opening his eyes, but his eyelids didn't even flutter. It took him a moment to feel a hand holding his hand. The one that had something attached to it._

_After a while the beeping faded into background and he heard a voice speaking to him in a soothing tone._

" _...they say it's because you're brain dead, but I told 'em to stick it. They don't know you the way I do..." The voice hesitated. It was Gibbs, but the man sounded so strange._ Beyond _tired and... so_ gentle _..._

" _At least I_ used _to know you, Tony... Why did this have to happen? Why did I let it happen..? Come on. Please wake up... Yell at me, scream at me..._ Anything _... They keep telling me to 'let you go'... That it's only the machine doing the work for you... Don't care what they or that father of yours is saying... It's good he has no legal rights over you or anything that you own... God knows he's been trying to get his hands on everything even without those rights..."_

_Silence. "You should've told me, Tony... Anything... Everything... Like what kind of bastard your father really is... Even I was fooled... Guess once a conman, always a conman, eh Tony..? Or maybe you tried to tell, but I was being my usual bastard self and I wouldn't listen. Is that how it was..?"_

_Tony tried moving his hand, the one being held, but his whole body felt so heavy. There was nothing he could do, but listen. Was this a dream again..? Or did he end up in a hospital? Again..? That would just make his day... Or evening... Or whatever it was right now... They really should just give him one of those stamp cards: '_ Every tenth visit is for free _'.  
_

" _I'm sorry... I know I've been saying it every day, but I can't let go... Even if that thing_ is _what's keeping you alive... I need you to come back... I can't..."_

_Crying... Gibbs was crying?! No, this was way worse than he thought. Had he passed out and woken up in the apocalypse?  
_

" _I've let such a mess happen... Your probie is dead. Ziva is_ —was _—in a prison and now no one knows where she's disappeared to... Abby's a wreck. You wouldn't know her now. Blames me, blames her and blames everything... Gave up Caf-Pow because you can't bring her any and she doesn't want any from me or anyone else either... She even has her own assistant now, if you can believe it... Ducky has never looked so old, but then again they say the same 'bout me..."_

McGeek was dead _..? So this... really was that 'dream' again..? Or whatever it was... It was confusing..._

" _Palmer is doing Ducky's job now... He's also got his own assistant... Someone to read the map for him, so he rarely gets lost on the way to the crime scene now... You'd be so proud of the kid... Done Duck so proud... Even grew a backbone when I wasn't looking... Yelled at me... And I swear he's channeling you sometimes... He's here almost as much as everyone else, but he's got another baby on the way now so he can't be here as much as he wants to..."_

Way to go autopsy gremlin!

" _They really hope it's a girl this time... So that little Anthony would have a little sister..."_

_..._ Oh _..._

" _You've... You've left such an impact on so many people, Tony... I swear, there must be tons of babies named after you during these few years...Anthony... Antonia... Antonius... And whatever other variations they come up with..."_

Hah. It was going to be so confusing if all those kids end up spending time together in the future _..._

" _Jack... My dad... He really wanted to come and see you, but he's too old and sick to travel and I can't... Can't leave my own... My own kid... Even retired for you, but that's not the only reason why... Couldn't do it anymore... You made me look at some of the things I've done and now I can't even look people in the eyes anymore... No more 'second b for bastard' in me, DiNozzo..." Gibbs tried growling the last part, but he failed miserably, letting out another anguished sob as he squeezed Tony's hand so tightly it actually hurt._

" _Come on, Tony... Wake up already... Can't do it without you... So quiet and it's just me talking day after day and even some nights when I can't sleep... Wake up... You beat the_ plague _of all things... You can beat this... I know you're not really gone yet... Can't... Won't believe in that... Won't..."_

_After that Gibbs went to another topic. He kept on talking and talking and Tony couldn't believe he was actually witnessing it. Was it_ really _Gibbs? This person must be talking way more than even_ he _ever did... As mad as he still felt, he wanted to somehow ease the pain this now broken man was feeling. Give him a little sign that he had heard... Something._

_Between Gibbs speaking about the new apartment he had bought near the hospital and how he could barely keep his coffee inside his stomach in these days, Tony moved his fingers._

* * *

"There we go. He is back with us now, Jethro. You can stop pacing."

Tony blinked his eyes dazedly. What just happened..? It took him several minutes to gather his disoriented thoughts, to be able to put two and two together. _Oh man_... He hadn't seen a dream like _that_ in a very long time... Moving his hands—which he was so happy to be able to move—he touched his face and hands, to make sure there wasn't anything.

"Welcome back, Anthony."

"You have no idea, Ducky..." Tony finally sighed and then looked around. He was in Gibbs's living room. "What happened?"

"You passed out," Gibbs stated harshly, but there was concern in his eyes.

"DiNozzos don't pass out..." Tony grumbled and it made Gibbs's mouth twist into a smile.

"Yeah... I've heard that story more than I'd like to hear, DiNozzo. I would like it much more if it were a true story."

Sitting up, Tony suddenly found himself with a box of pizza on his lap. He looked at it with curiosity as he inhaled the scent. "What's the occasion?"

Ducky stared. "When was the last time you ate and slept?"

Tony looked surprised and he tried to think. _Really_ think. To tell the truth, he didn't have the faintest memory. Between the long days at work and then his little sniper training, which Eugene was taking far too seriously, and all the extra, he sometimes had barely time to go home to change his clothes before heading straight back to work. On worst days like that he could only take short naps here and there, if he was lucky. As for eating, whenever Isaac saw him the man kept trying to make him eat. It would of course work much better if he would have also slowed down a little, but instead he kept burning the food faster than he had time to eat.

"Ow!" Tony rubbed his head at the head slap, which wasn't really a surprise, but he'd been thinking so hard he wasn't prepared for it.

Gibbs was muttering something, then he took a slice of pizza and handed it to Tony. "Idiot... Eat!"

"Well then... I will meet you two at the crime scene. Take it easy today, Anthony," Ducky ordered, knowing full well that telling his young friend to take the day off was a fight already lost. He left with a nod of his head toward Gibbs.

Tony stared at the slice of pizza he was holding. "The crime scene... Oh no... How long was I out..?"

"Not long. If I drive, we'll be there on time."

Tony made a face, knowing it had to be long enough for not only Ducky to arrive while he was out, but also the pizza. "You sure I should eat anything before the drive then..?"

Of course Gibbs's only answer was to glare.

"Alright, alright. I'm eating..." Tony mumbled and started eating the pizza, under the watchful eyes of his boss.

* * *

After the little 'closing of his eyes for a little nap' as Tony called it, Gibbs had refused to let him drive anywhere on his own. And when he tried to take out his keys anyway, he knew from the smug look on Gibbs's face and the emptiness of his pocket that Gibbs not only had his keys, but also his wallet...

_'You're under my mercy now, DiNozzo.'_

Keeping his eyes on the road in front of them, Tony found himself analyzing his dream again. He wondered why here, why now? Why did the dream reappear again? "I guess my brains simply gave me what I asked for..."

"What?" Gibbs spoke, confused.

"Nothing... Hey, Gibbs. When we'll be eating those cowboy steaks later... I need to talk to you about something..."


	35. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Walking toward the crime scene, Gibbs could hardly even focus on what the man—Sergeant Gregory Nutt—was telling them. He was counting on DiNozzo to keep both his ears and eyes open for them both. His own mind was elsewhere and kept going back to what DiNozzo had said to him in the car.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_"Hey, Gibbs. When we'll be eating those cowboy steaks later... I need to talk to you about something..."_

_That didn't sound good... Gibbs turned his eyes back on the road and started worrying. Although the two year mark was barely behind their backs, there was still a chance that Tony would change his mind and leave after all.  
_

_Seeing the worried look on Gibbs's face, Tony chuckled. "I'm still not leaving, yet... No, it's something else I need to talk to you about. There's something I've kept from you and I think you might want to know... I hope you won't head slap me too hard for it."_

_That_ really _didn't sound good at all._ _Now Gibbs_ really _was getting worried._ _"What is it?"_

" _I'll tell you later, like I told you I would."_

" _Can't you just say it now?"_

" _Later."_

* * *

He was feeling both frustrated and worried because he had no idea what it was Tony wanted to talk about. He was also starting to have doubts for offering the now former Secret Service Agent the job.

With Tony it had been perfect and once in a lifetime opportunity, as Gibbs was starting to slowly understand. Without digging any deeper or even knowing all there was to know about the former Detective, it was enough to compare team Gibbs solve rate before and after DiNozzo, and it was clear. As much as Gibbs himself hated admitting it...

He had been so sure of what he was doing by taking Kate with them, but then what Tony had said to him the next day...

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

" _So you offered her a job?" Tony asked, studying the smile on Gibbs's face as he was thinking about something amusing._

" _I did," Gibbs admitted. He was not even surprised by now that the man had already found out. Or perhaps he really was truly that transparent to him._

" _Hmm..." was the only sound coming out of Tony's mouth and the expression on his face was unreadable.  
_

" _Something wrong with it, DiNozzo?"_

" _No... Just... Are you sure it's the right thing to do?"_

_Gibbs was confused. That was honestly not what he had been expecting to hear._ " _What do you mean?"_

_Tony's mouth became a straight line and he shrugged. "It's just... She..."_

" _Rule 12?"_

" _Not a problem, boss..."_

" _Then what is it?"_

" _It's..." Tony sighed and smiled sadly._

" _What? Don't tell me you're jealous?" Gibbs smirked, trying to make a joke out of it, only to realize he had said the wrong thing. Seeing the flash of anger, Gibbs was prepared for some huge explosion. Instead Tony took a deep breath and smiled again._

" _No. That's not a problem either, boss."_

" _Then what is it?"_

" _It's nothing. I was just worried about something... I know she'll make a fine Agent." As if suddenly in a hurry to get away from there, Tony stood up and 'accidentally' knocked his coffee in the trash can._ " _Oopsie. Coffee run, boss. Be right back."_

" _Tony..." But Tony was gone before Gibbs could finish, or even start, the sentence._

* * *

He wondered what it was about Caitlin—or Kate—that made Tony feel so worried. Sure, the woman was a little green, but surely with some hard work they'd get a good Agent to watch their backs and work with them. Other than goofing around with Ducky on the President's chair and taking pictures of each other while the other was sitting on it, the young man had been beyond professional during their time around Kate. There had been nothing to indicate that Tony wouldn't support his decision to offer her the job.

Besides, Morrow was being extremely pushy about filling the empty spots in their team. This way they would all be happy. Or so he thought... It couldn't be because Tony had ended up having to play the body to fool the FBI, right? The man had been in a somewhat snarky mood after that... But he _did_ apologize later, sort of... By buying Tony that extra large coffee and a doughnut.

"Boss?"

Gibbs realized suddenly that the other two were staring at him. As if expecting him to say something. Obviously he hadn't heard a thing.

Taking one good look at his boss and Tony noticed how absent minded the man looked. Worried as he was, he knew they had a case to solve here. With that dream of his, perhaps he'd be able to work through everything faster and then they could talk... "Anyway, boss. Why don't you go and bring Agent Todd here. I can start things here with Ducky."

Gibbs nodded, part of his mind still elsewhere. "You do that. Call me if anything comes up." He was grateful that DiNozzo was so good at picking up his moods and then act according to them. Although he wasn't pleased by the almost commanding way the kid had spoken to him. Which one of them was the boss here?

"Will do, boss..." Tony started walking toward the couple waiting to be interviewed, but then he stopped and turned around at the sudden head slap. He rubbed the back of his head with almost patiently amused look on his face, knowing full well what it was for. "Oh, and you might want to make sure she's got proper shoes on..." He smirked. Remembering Kate on the crime scene with her high heels and all... Gibbs was however already gone to his car, having heard none of it...

Making a face, Tony turned around and made his way toward the couple waiting for him. Work was calling... His only hope was to get through this case better than 'last time'. One thing was sure: there was _no way_ he'd end up falling off the airplane again... But more than that, he hoped Gibbs wasn't going to treat him like some dirt on his shoes...

* * *

It was starting to get light outside when Tony finally opened the door to his apartment. Staying up all night and in general not getting enough rest nor food lately guaranteed he was feeling even more tired than he would usually feel. Ducky would be after his head if he'd find out... Despite his lack of energy at the moment, he felt like giving certain someone one or several head slaps of his own.

Although he _had_ managed to avoid the whole 'falling off the plane' incident—which was something he was proud of—Gibbs had been acting like a pissed off bear who had been shot in the ass, showing off his second 'b for bastard' with far more liberty than was needed.

It didn't matter how hard he had been thinking over everything he had done 'wrong' the last time and did his best to be the perfect little Agent, Gibbs still found ways to throw insults at him. Either on purpose or then it indeed was just in the man's nature and he had been the perfect victim, as usual. They were all such little things mostly, but together they became big enough to make his blood boil, as it did right now. Worst part was that their new Agent had been there to hear it all. Had Gibbs been a man enough, at least he'd do those things in private where other people wouldn't witness everything.

He _was_ a little jealous over one thing though... Abby. When it came to Kate, the two had become such 'best friends forever' almost instantly. No brat like attitude from Abby either... Was he really such a horrible person?

At first the day had started off surprisingly good, not counting the time when he didn't pass out at Gibbs's place. He even got a few secret laughs, seeing again how Kate arrived to the crime scene with her high heels and skirt. Then the dressing down she got from Gibbs more than enough, especially when she tried to bring out the fact that she was former Secret Service Agent and didn't need to be told how to do her job. Their probette sure had much to learn of just how different this job was to her previous one...

All had been good and he had almost relaxed... Until Gibbs started snapping at him and throwing those small yet hurtful little snide remarks at him. He swore he saw Kate grinning a few times and then she joined in the 'let's make sure DiNozzo knows his place' act.

He really had to find another way to bring _Katie_ down from her high horse. He couldn't go through the long and painful road anymore... To wait for people like her and McGee to respect him as their SFA, if nothing else... At least he had gotten his revenge... From that moment on he had decided that _no more_. He wouldn't stand between Gibbs and their other agents anymore. So as much as he hadn't enjoyed being around Gibbs, this time Kate had shared his fate.

And then Gibbs had forgotten about their cowboy steaks...

Sure, he knew that Gibbs's ex-wife was bothering him with those phone calls that he didn't answer and thus making his bad mood even worse, but the man really was starting to make him wonder what _he_ had been thinking when he accepted the job offer again. He was so close to start giving the boss a taste of his own medicine, but that might be a little too much and as so many people used to tell him: He was not Gibbs. Like that's an insult... In these days, in this life and for the him now, hardly...

As Tony pondered these things, meanwhile in a house of certain Special Agent was Gibbs, about to be reminded how his priorities were really not how they should be...

Opening the door to his home, Gibbs sighed tiredly and then smiled softly. He had spent all morning with the young Billy Fuentes—the son of their victim—building that tree house of his, which the boy's father could never finish. He even spent the early breakfast with the boy and his mother. Although saddened by the loss that the boy now had to live with, he couldn't help but feel like he had done something good. It felt good to do the right thing.

And that reminded him of how he had behaved toward his two agents during the case... Especially Tony, the one he didn't want to lose... He really had _a lot_ to make up for...

Gibbs walked in the kitchen, hoping he hadn't finished the last bottle of beer that he knew should be in the fridge. He opened the door and froze. There were _several_ bottles of beer in there, with a note attached to one of them. Unsure what it would say, he took it and squinted his eyes, trying to read it.

**_'Came by. You weren't home. Waited for a while. I guess you forgot?_ **

**_It's fine, Gibbs. I'm sure it was important. The beer is yours. See you at work.'_ **

"No way is it fine..." Gibbs growled and slammed the door close. How could he have forgotten? Had they taken one very small step forward, only to take several big jumps back?

Grabbing his car keys, Gibbs ran outside and in his car. He really couldn't believe himself. He had to fix this.

* * *

Hearing the knock at his door, Tony wasn't going to open it. He didn't bother even looking away from the TV. Then he heard Gibbs yelling, and if he could hear the yelling then so could his neighbors.

"DiNozzo! Open the door or I will let myself in!"

Feeling sudden white hot fury awakening inside him, Tony stood up and walked to the door. Opening it with calmness he didn't feel, he faced the man standing there. He crossed his arms over his chest as he was leaning against the door frame, blocking the way inside his apartment. "What do you want?"

"Tony... I'm... sorry..." Gibbs swallowed at the stony mask on the man's face. It was hard, cold and distant. It made his heart break, with realization that he cared about this young man, enough to not want to see all those different masks on his face. Not when they were alone. Not between the two of them. He wasn't sure what that meant. "Can I come in?" he asked when Tony didn't say anything and kept blocking the way in.

Tony stared at the man in front of him. Almost just as tall as he was, yet somehow the older man seemed to have shrunk. _And_ Gibbs had apologized... He still wasn't in the mood to listen anything right now though. If only he could have gotten some sleep and one _huge_ pizza before any of this... Letting the man in, Tony closed the door.

"What do you want?" he asked again once they were sitting in the living room, with the TV playing silently in the background.

Gibbs sighed. He had really messed up, hadn't he? "I forgot what we were supposed to be doing after the work... And I treated both you and Kate unfairly... Treated you like some probie, which you have never been during your time as my Agent... As my partner... Or even when we met."

"Then why did you?"

"I was afraid. Wondering what it could be you want to talk to me about... Then all kinds of thoughts were taunting me during the case... It was hard trying to focus solving it like that. You did fine job by the way."

Tony stared him, allowing himself to relax, but only a little bit. "That's lots of talking, coming from your mouth, boss..."

Gibbs smiled weakly, before it turned into a frown. "Your dream... Is it about your dream..?"

Tony froze. "What dream?" he asked carefully, afraid to know the answer.

Gibbs rubbed his forehead before looking Tony straight in the eyes. "Tony... I know. And I... I should have told you sooner..."

"You know what?"

"Two years ago... I heard something I was not meant to hear... You were talking to Ducky..."

Tony stared at him. It felt as if the room was turning upside down and he felt sick. "Gibbs... I don't know what you're—"

"I know, Tony," Gibbs said again.


	36. I Wish I Was Cold As Stone

" _I know, Tony."_

Tony stood up, while the older man stared at him, expecting him to say something. Anything. "I'll go make some coffee," he finally said and walked in the kitchen, leaving Gibbs stare after him eyebrows furrowed. Worrying. Confused.

It took rather long time before Tony finally came back from the kitchen, with two cups of coffee. The kind of coffee Gibbs loved and he himself had started to almost like. _Almost_. So the more correct word would probably be 'tolerate'. After all it sure did give such strong energy boost, which he had needed lately more than it was healthy.

Taking the offered cup, Gibbs kept his steady yet careful stare on Tony who sat down far enough from him. The kid was calm. Too calm, but in his gut he could feel that it was just the calm before storm.

"You know... This reminds me of a movie..." Tony finally spoke.

"Tony..."

Whatever the movie was, Tony never finished that sentence. Taking a sip of the too hot coffee, he put the cup down on the coffee table. Then, after a while he started laughing and then he stood up again. He started pacing in the room, which made Gibbs nervous.

"Are you for real!?" Tony yelled suddenly, turning around to face Gibbs who remained silent, letting Tony finish whatever was in his heart. "Do you have _any idea_ how hard I have tried keeping it to myself? To not in any way let something slip? To not let myself slip? Worrying _daily_ that I am going to mess up something. So now you're telling me that _all this time_ , you've known? Yet you never said me anything? Have you been secretly laughing at me behind my back?"

"I'd never—"

"Is that why Fornell has been giving me odd looks whenever we meet? I know how you two share not only ex-wives, but even some secrets, like a pair of gossiping old women who have nothing better to do. I caught you two in one of those moments myself."

Gibbs flinched, but kept his peace for now. _He is just upset_ , he reminded himself.

"Do you really have to know _everything_ about me? It was _my_ secret to tell or not to tell! Plus, it's not like _you're_ the type of person to share your secrets with anyone!" Tony's eyes narrowed suddenly, remembering a certain look he had seen on Ducky's face a couple of times. "Does Ducky know you know?"

"It's not Duck's—"

"Does he know you know or does he not?"

"Tony..."

"Did. He. Know?"

It wasn't supposed to go like this... Gibbs sighed inwardly, knowing by now that Tony would probably know if he was lying. "Yes."

Tony started laughing again. "I should've known... I _should have_ known... Why _do_ I trust people so easily? There must be something wired wrong in me."

"It was one time only and Ducky verbally beat me over it more than once... He told me to tell you, but it was my choice to not say anything..."

"You don't get it, do you, Gibbs? I would have wanted to know, yet he kept it from me. I had the right to know. All this time I've made a fool out of myself, not knowing what you heard. So many times I talked about my trust issues, yet he kept that from me. He should've told me the moment he found out. _You_ should've told me."

"Tony..."

"I'm going out for a run. You know where the door is, show yourself out. For your sake I hope you're gone by the time I return."

"Tony..." Gibbs's pleading voice wasn't heard as Tony disappeared to change his clothes. Then, grabbing the keys, he left the apartment without even glancing toward the older man.

* * *

Gasping for his breath and trying to keep the nausea away, Tony staggered upstairs. He was feeling dizzy and it took him dropping the keys several times before he finally managed to open the door. To his great relief the apartment was quiet and he didn't see Gibbs anywhere as he made his unsteady way toward the bathroom. He had been gone for a long time so maybe the man finally got the message...

Neither the run nor the shower made him feel any better. He felt betrayed. And wasn't that just grand? How many times did he have to go through feeling that way? He had no idea how to deal with Ducky now. He had trusted the man. Trusted enough to even share a few details from his 'dream'. Not all, or even the big things, but some.

Holding his hands against the tiles, he let the water run over his head and back, letting it wash away at least some of the anxiety he was feeling. Even if it was just a momentary relief, he needed it.

It would be so much easier if he didn't care. So much easier if he didn't care about the people in his life. Didn't matter how much anger he had in him—and occasionally even hatred—he would never stop caring. He just couldn't. It was against everything he was. Against his nature.

God, why did he have to be this way..?

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

" _Come on now, DiNozzo. I know you can do better than that," Gibbs spoke, observing his new Agent while the kid was shooting at the target._

_Scowling at his boss, Tony took his position again. He had shot perfectly. What more did the man want from him?_

_Several shots and one extra slightly mutinous smiley face later, Gibbs smiled proudly. "Attaboy."_

_Tony couldn't help it, he was beaming at the rare praise._

" _Now repeat it. With your left hand."_

Bastard _..._

_It took several hours before the man was finally pleased._

" _Come on, DiNozzo. Let's go find something to eat. It's on me. What do you want to eat? Or drink?" Gibbs spoke once they were finally walking outside side by side, which was something that happened so naturally, like it was always meant to be this way._

_Tony hesitated for a moment and then he glanced toward the man. He was pretty sure he'd end up with a head slap, which he was oddly starting to get used to. Not that he would ever admit it. After all, as he had learned, the man only slapped his head when he actually deserved it. Right? "Pizza? And hot chocolate?"_

_Gibbs shook his head, looking amused for some reason. "Pizza and hot chocolate it is then... And coffee for me. I think I know just the place for that..."_

_They ended up spending the next hour together again. Eating, drinking and talking. As if it was something they had been doing for years already and not months. And it took few more months for Tony to realize how rare seeing such side with Gibbs really was. Although he found himself denying that to ever be true, he found himself thinking how it had to be the kind of relationship a father would have with his son. Thoughts like that were too dangerous, especially if he slipped and spoke them out... It would be crossing a line, which he didn't think he could risk doing.  
_

* * *

Stepping out of the shower, Tony wiped the steam off the mirror, staring at his reflection. Staring at the stranger staring back at him. He smiled and the man in the mirror did the same. He put on one of his flirting faces and it did the same. He put on his stone hard face and then he got mad. It was all too easy. It shouldn't be this easy.

By the time he came back to his senses he realized he didn't see his reflection anymore. The mirror was broken and his fist was bleeding. He almost laughed at the realization that even in the midst of his loss of control, he had used his left hand instead of the right one, which was his best shooting hand. Taking one of the towels, he wrapped his hand in it. "I wish I was cold as stone..."

After a while, dressed up and with his hand patched up, Tony realized he really had to eat something or he'd end up passing out on top of everything else. Walking in the kitchen, he saw Gibbs, sitting behind the table and reading a newspaper. There was a box of pizza on the table, which was most likely cold by now or he would have smelled it.

"You were gone for pretty long time. Was starting to wonder if I should go out and look for you," Gibbs said and when he looked up he glanced once at the sloppily bandaged hand, but didn't comment on it. It made Tony realize that the man most likely had heard him beating the crap out of his mirror. He wasn't sure, but he might have even yelled some.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Tony glared. "What are you doing here, Gibbs?"

"Waiting for you. We still haven't finished that conversation."

"I have nothing else to say to you."

"Well, but I have."

"Do whatever you want. I'm going to get some sleep."

"Sit down!" Gibbs growled and Tony glared even more, but found himself obeying it. Without even noticing it at first. _Cursed be it all_... _  
_

Putting down the newspaper, Gibbs pushed the pizza toward Tony. "Eat."

"Not really hungry right now."

"Not negotiable. You eat or I will feed you myself."

"I'd like to see you try."

"Don't test me, DiNozzo."

Slowly, Tony reached his hand out and took one slice of pizza. One bite was enough to show him how hungry he truly was. Before he even noticed, he had already finished five pieces of it. It even was just the way he liked it, even if it was cold. He really hated the bastard right now. _  
_

Gibbs was pleased. At least something went right for a change... "Don't be mad at Ducky, Tony. He only wanted _me_ to be the one to say it..."

"I _trusted_ him."

"And he didn't betray it. It's all on me..."

Tony didn't say anything, but ate some more pizza. Gibbs took it as his cue to keep talking.

"I don't claim to understand this dream of yours. Part of me is still trying to find some other explanation, but then you know such things about me that only I should know... Stuff that is not written anywhere and things I have never told anyone... I know you're mad at something. At me... Over something I've done in some dream of yours of all things. I'm not telling you to not be mad, but... could you try to go a little easier on me? I don't even know what it is this dream version of me has done to you... To me it is just a dream. Maybe it is something more, I don't know..."

Gibbs was silent for a moment and by now Tony was actually listening. He glanced at the emotionless mask on the young man's face.

"Come on, Tony... Talk to me... What did I do? For two years I have tried to figure it out, but you never let me close enough. There's always this... All those different masks on your face. A wall between me and you. You treat everything like it's some undercover situation."

Tony put down one of the last pieces he had been eating and contemplated whether the consequences of shoving them on the man's face would be worth it.

"Is your whole life just some act? A movie script you follow? Aren't you getting tired of it? What kind of life is it?"

When Tony finally spoke, for some reason the bitterness in his tone was cutting Gibbs deeply. "What do you know? I mean, you're Gibbs. The mighty badass Gibbs who can do nothing wrong. Everyone seems to follow your lead, no matter what you do."

"That's not true..."

Tony laughed, bitterness still there. "And me? I'm the loyal servant who makes you look even better and fixes—sometimes even hides—the crap others create. The one who makes everyone think that your bite is no worse than your bark. It seems like I was born to be everyone's spit cup. _'Let's hand it all to DiNozzo. He can take it. Let's use him until he ends up dead, quits or goes crazy.'_ I can't do that anymore, Gibbs."

Gibbs was silent. "Is that now the dream you talking?"

Tony laughed again. "The dream me? There _is_ no 'dream me'! Even if it is true and my dream and the reality are two separate things, there is only one me. Be it just a dream or whatever else, _to_ _me_ it's all very much real. I don't know, maybe it's meant to be a lesson of some kind to me? A warning to not let certain things happen. What do I know anyway? Maybe I am crazy."

"You're not crazy..."

"I'm not so sure about that, Gibbs..." Tony spoke with weariness in his tone and not a hint of anger nor bitterness there anymore. He sounded just so plain tired and for some reason it scared Gibbs. He had heard that tone of voice before and seen that look in those eyes, on people who had ended up taking their own lives or tried to. He hoped he was just thinking too much and Tony really was just too tired to talk about this.

Hesitating, Gibbs reached out his hand over the table and took Tony's good hand in his. To his relief, the young man didn't pull it away. "You're not crazy."

"I'm tired, boss..."

"I know... So talk to me... You don't have to tell me _everything_. Just let me help you share the burden. At least some of it... I don't care how crazy it might be. _You_ said it... To you it is very real. Doesn't matter what _I_ think."

Tony frowned and almost pulled his hand away. "It matters to _me_..."

"I couldn't think any less of you. I wanted you as my partner from the moment I met you. I couldn't understand why, but now I do... Do you really think that after two years I could possibly be willing to let you go without one big fight..? Have you forgotten what a bastard I was just a little while ago when I thought you'd be leaving soon?"

Tony smiled slightly at the memory, but the frown was back before it could become a full smile.

"So don't worry about what I may or may not think. You may be good at reading me and know some secrets about me, but you can't read my mind. Just like I can't read yours, no matter what people may think."

He knew the man was right. Of course he knew that. Tony closed his eyes for a moment. Why couldn't he just not care?

"Talk to me, son..."

Tony's eyes flew open.

"Talk to me..."


	37. Off Limits

It was like the temperature in the room had dropped down several degrees. Before Gibbs realized the cause of it, the hand he was holding was pulled away.

"Don't you _dare_."

"Tony?" Gibbs furrowed his brows as Tony suddenly stood up. He could feel the anger radiating from the young man and it confused him. What just happened?

"Don't you _dare_ call me that!"

"Call you what?" And then it came to him. Gibbs's eyes widened slightly. "Don't call you son?"

"Don't say it!" Tony reached out his hand toward the almost empty box of pizza and for a moment Gibbs thought he was reaching for what was left of the pizza, but instead the whole thing was wiped off the table in the middle of his rage. "Don't say it... Don't you _ever_ call me that..." Just as suddenly as they appeared, all the energy and anger disappeared and Tony sounded tired again.

"Tony... I didn't mean anything by it..." Gibbs frowned, trying to fix this, whatever this was, but obviously he had said the wrong thing. _Again_.

The anger flashed in the green eyes again. " _'Didn't mean anything by it...'_ You really don't get it, Gibbs? What am I even saying... _Of course_ you don't get it."

"Well, if you'd _finally_ explain things to me, DiNozzo, then perhaps I would!"

Leaning closer, with his palms against the kitchen table, Tony spoke with a low voice that even he knew didn't sound like his. "Do you want to know what it is you did to me, Gibbs, in what to you is nothing but some crazy dream of mine?"

The look on Gibbs's face was saying ' _you think?_ '

"You weren't that different from the you now. In fact... I'd dare to say that you are just the same. The only differences are there simply because _I'm_ making the difference. _I'm_ not willing to let you just walk all over me and get away with it anymore. I know where it leads when you're allowed to do as you please. And _I swear,_ Gibbs... I swear I can't do it for the second time. Dream or reality, none of it matters when those memories are there in my head and the memory of how depressed I finally became... All those moments when I almost couldn't deal with it anymore and _still_ I let you all walk all over me... Before I met you I never knew that you could both hurt so much and feel numb at the same time. I swear, Gibbs... I can't do it again. It'll kill me this time. I know it will."

Gibbs flinched at the deep and raw hurt he saw in Tony's eyes. So deeply rooted that he couldn't help but wonder if those feelings where there to stay. If there was no hope. No way to heal it away.

Tony started pacing around in the kitchen. "I must say that you and I had much better start in the dream. We became closer so much faster. And maybe that was the problem? You got what you wanted too easily. Then too you brought me from Baltimore like some lost puppy... For the first time ever I started to trust someone. _Really_ trust. Trusting someone to watch my back, to watch my six as you would say. And it was great, but I became such a fool and let my guard down... Repeatedly. I was happy, you know. Happy with you, Abby and Ducky in my life. I finally felt like I had a family. Had a home I could go back to. And then..."

The look on Tony's face became pained, saying _that_ word almost physically hurting him. "And then you started treating me like your _son_. We never talked about it, you know. It was just always there. Small little things and moments. You didn't often call me son, but when you did I was so happy. You were actually the first person to call me son, with no other hidden meaning behind it. And then that two year mark came and we were closer than ever. I didn't even get the usual need to move on. I was finally right where I belonged. At home. With you guys."

Tony took the chair he had been sitting on before and sat down. He didn't look at Gibbs. He couldn't. He knew the moment he would look in those sharp blue eyes, calculating his every move, he would be done. He couldn't possibly keep talking.

"Then Kate came along. And it was fine. Really. Even if you started distancing yourself from me and started to question my authority as the SFA for the first time... First with Kate, and it was fine for a while. I was still young and hopeful fool. Hoping that it would pass and you would remember why you chose me... It never happened... Not really. I would lie in my deathbed and while you did show in your own way that you cared, it was all forgotten as soon as I seemed alright. So maybe it was all just some act for other people to see... And Kate had an attitude problem then too, but she still had potential to become a fine Agent, if she was willing. But your lack of respect really didn't help there... Then probie joined us and he was _so_ green and I'm still not sure if he was fit to be working in the field with us... Didn't think he would even survive in the real world, and remember that in the real world he was no 'Elf Lord'..."

' _Elf Lord_ '? It seemed like the story was getting only crazier and crazier... Gibbs opened his mouth to ask, but then Tony kept talking.

"As for me... By the time he came, it started to seem like once you got the taste of it, you just couldn't stop it. You finally had the perfect whipping boy. There were some hurtful moments between all of us and maybe I even was just a little bit jealous that I had to share your attention with the ' _new kids_ '." Tony smirked bitterly at the memory. "Besides, it seemed that after Kate we weren't exactly given the best choice in agents. Could've had something to do with the fact that a very few people were even willing to work with a bastard as their boss... But back then I didn't really mind. As much as we could be mean and horrible to one another—you being worst of them all—we were like a family. In our weird twisted way... Or so I thought, but I don't exactly have much experience of a real family anyway, so what do I know? And then... Then it all went down to hell..."

Tony finally looked up. Meeting the blue eyes, which for a change were unreadable to him. "Kate was killed. After that... I really should have just left the NCIS. Not like I never had any takers elsewhere..."

"Killed?" Gibbs finally spoke and with that he thought he finally understood at least _something_. Tony's reluctance to take Kate in their team. "And then?" Gibbs spoke again when the silence between them became heavy, without Tony uttering a word anymore. Getting lost in some memories again?

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

_Her blood was all over him. No matter what he did, he just couldn't get it off._

_Four years now. It had been four years since she was killed on that rooftop. Whenever he thought he was finally getting over it, something happened, which triggered memories he was trying to forget. Making him dream of that day again. Like some broken record that kept going through that same moment over and over again, until he woke up, gasping for his breath and covered in sweat.  
_

_Whenever it happened, all he saw was her blood all over him again. So here he was once again. In his shower in the middle of the night. Trying to wash it off. Trying to_ scrub _it off, until his skin was red, raw and too tender to even touch._

_He had seen plenty of deaths in his life, horrible ways to die. Even_ before _he became a cop. Starting from his own mother, when he was just a small boy. So why this? Why now? Why her death?_

* * *

"Tony?" Gibbs was starting to get worried, seeing the glazed look in the young man's eyes.

"I'm fine..." Tony finally spoke, blinking slowly as his mind was slowly coming back from the box of memories inside his head. "You know what. It doesn't even matter... Why should I have to explain _anything_ to you? After all it seems _you_ have all the answers, just like you always do. You sure act like it anyway. Here you are, in _my_ home. Wanting _me_ to explain something to you, when it's _you_ who screwed up..."

"DiNozzo..." Gibbs growled, in warning.

"Let me finish talking, Gibbs. My home, _my_ rules. Not yours." Tony held up his hand when Gibbs opened his mouth again.

Gibbs glared, but he couldn't really say anything to that. The kid was right after all... Besides, he felt like he was already walking on a very thin ice and the man _had_ already given him a lot to think about.

"Why I lost it when you called me son? It's because it hurt so much more when you forgot what we had. It hurt so much more when you started doing things behind my back. When you started treating me like I was worth nothing, even my Senior Field Agent status. And not in your 'bastard Gibbs is only joking' kind of way, but in a really hurtful ways. Best of all, you let everyone else know just what you think of me. Call it petty or childish, and maybe it _was_ partly my fault too for letting things go that far in the first place, but I don't care anymore. You _let_ me believe in something. You let me feel safe and wanted. _Happy_. Then you took it away just like that." Tony snapped his fingers.

"Tony... I'd never..."

"I'm not going to share my deepest secrets with you, Gibbs... And you know why? Because as much as we may have gotten closer since we met, maybe even becoming friends, but moments like these prove to me that I still can't trust you."

"I'm sorry..."

Tony smiled sadly, almost even adding Gibbs's own rules about apologizing. "No you're not... Don't say you're sorry if you don't mean it... Maybe I'll start using that as one of my own rules..."

Gibbs frowned, looking confused, and Tony stood up again. "How _can_ you be sorry when you don't even _know_ what to feel sorry for? Gibbs... I don't need that. I just need... I just want... For me this is a new start. A chance to do things differently. I won't let you or anyone else ruin it for me. Not again. How was the saying..? ' _Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me_ '. I'd like to go by that rule from now on."

"Is there really _nothing_ I can do, Tony?" Gibbs asked quietly. "I don't like this. I can see how this whole thing is eating you up, your head filled with all this... _This_... Let me do something. _Anything_..."

"It's my fight, Gibbs, whether I like it or not... My dream, my head, my problem... Obviously there has to be some reason why I'm the one who ended up with it..."

"Tony..."

"We're not good, Gibbs... Not yet... And it's up to you if we ever will be." Clearly finished with his speech, Tony walked to the kitchen door, but then he stopped again. "There is one more thing I want to share with you though..." And then he hesitated.

Gibbs looked up, almost afraid to hear it. Wondering what it could possibly be.

"I need you to never forget two names: Ari Haswari and Ziva David... If you ever do hear anything about them, run as fast as you can. And _don't_ go all Captain Ahab, Gibbs... Not again... You don't know the two the way I do, and if it's up to me, you never will... All I can say is that those two destroyed everything that we still had... Like slowly working poison."

"Tony..." Gibbs hesitated when Tony looked at him. "Thank you... And I'm sorry..." This time he knew what he was saying sorry for and he meant it. He knew from the small smile on the man's face that he saw it too.

"Apology accepted," Tony said finally, but Gibbs could hear the unsaid words loud and clear: ' _But we're still not good_.' He listened as Tony took his keys and left the apartment again. He wondered just how badly he had screwed things up.

Leaving the apartment after a while, Gibbs went back home, thinking about the 'battle plan' he was going to have to make. He would never forgive himself if he'd let this ship sink before they even got to the sea. He almost laughed at his sudden realization. He was pissed off. At himself. This dream version of him who obviously was between everything he was trying to make right with DiNozzo and himself.

"I'll make it up to you, Tony... Somehow... I promise you..."

* * *

"Bad case?" Isaac asked as his favorite customer walked in the bar. Didn't matter if there were plenty of other bars much closer to his home, this was where Tony would always come to. His special place, which he wasn't going to share with anyone else. Not before they passed a certain level of trust.

Tony sighed as he sat down. "You could say that... Give me something with plenty of mind numbing alcohol in it. I really feel like getting so drunk I won't even remember my own name for a while..."

Isaac frowned. He better keep an eye on the kid today... "Alright then. I'll let you taste my new creation then. Someone said it tastes like crap, but they buy it anyway so it must be good."

"Alcohol in it?"

"Plenty."

"Make it for me then..." Tony muttered and held his head in his hands. He sighed again when Isaac started making the drink and kept giving him those worried looks. "Don't give me that look... I grew up with alcoholic parents, not gonna end up like them. Just need to not think anything for a little while..."

"Alright then..." Isaac relaxed slightly. He gave the drink to Tony who after tasting it was very close to almost spitting it out.

"What did you put in this?!" Tony coughed and cursed as Isaac laughed. It never got boring watching the reaction of people who tasted it for the first time.

"I named it ' _Dark Soul_ '. People who wish to forget their life for a while love it. I mean, first they curse the taste—and then the man who made it—but soon enough they're dead to the world and only remember just how bad the taste was the next time they drink it."

"Fitting..." Tony muttered and he was soon brave enough to drink more of it, albeit with the utmost care and shuddering at the offending taste. Strangely it _was_ pretty mind numbing already after only a few sips. Surprised, he looked up.

"Told you. It's becoming quite popular."

"In that case, be ready to make more of it..."

"Oh, you won't be needing more... But if I were you, I'd pay up before you're too out of it."

Rolling his eyes, Tony threw the money on the table.

Looking around if anyone else was needing him, Isaac sat down. His usually happy face was now frowning with worry. "That bad, huh..?"

"That bad..."

"Want to talk about it? You know, I'm always ready to listen..."

Tony shook his head. "I appreciate it, but... I really don't feel like talking about it... I just opened my big mouth a little too much. That's all."

"It's about that dream of yours, isn't it?"

Tony rolled his eyes again, cursing Isaac and his way of making him talk with some special tongue loosening drinks of his... "You know... You really should have been hired by the government to make their truth serums and other magic potions for them... They could seriously learn a thing or two from you. Trust me, I know..."

Isaac chuckled goodnaturedly. "What? And leave you here on your own, with no one making sure you at least eat once in a while? You're finally starting to get some meat over your skinny little bones. Can't let all my hard work go to waste."

"Fair enough..."

They both became serious again, while Tony kept taking small sips of his drink. Never without a grimace and a small shudder. "I was going to tell my boss about my sniper lessons. Figured he might want to know, maybe even give a few lessons of his own. I don't know what I was really thinking... Then _he_ throws the bomb. He's known all along..."

"About the lessons?"

"No. Although at this point I wouldn't be surprised... I meant my dream. Turns out he had heard when I told Ducky, _two_ years ago! Then he has _the nerve_ to... The nerve to call me son..." Tony found talking suddenly so hard and he had to think really hard before even trying to form the words with his mouth. And what was wrong with his tongue? It felt like it didn't belong in his mouth at all...

"You never seem to mind when _I_ call you that..."

It took a long time before the answer came. This time the words forming so badly Isaac had a hard time understanding them all. "'at's b'cause you're 'saac..." Tony mumbled and drank some more. He now understood why the drink was so popular. He found it was hard to think about anything. _How dangerous,_ he found himself distantly thinking. If Isaac had been his enemy and there he was... Completely under his mercy...

Isaac smiled sadly and he put his hand on the kid's shoulder, who obviously was starting to be pretty out of it, so he had to speak fast before his words would mean nothing. "You really care about your boss, don't you? You're afraid he's going to break your heart again..."

"...ma'ing me'soun' li'e... 'om girl..."

Isaac laughed. "You don't have to be some love struck girl to love and care about people... He's like a father to you, isn't he..?"

Tony mumbled something. Blinking his eyes as he was trying hard to focus.

"Don't worry... If this sniper boss of yours hurts you again, I'll mess with his coffee so that he can never drink _any_ coffee again..."

Tony laughed softly. "...'at's... worst 'ing ever..."

Isaac brushed his fingers through the young man's hair with a long sigh as the man's head hit the table with a ' _thud_ '. He had to admit. He was feeling a little jealous. The kid reminded him of his son. The boy who had died too soon... "That boss of yours is a lucky bastard indeed..." he mumbled as he stood up.

Taking hold of the young man and then with surprising ease Isaac half carried the man in the small room, away from the bar. "Get some rest... I'll drive you home once I've closed the bar for the day..."

Tony's only answer was to sigh and curl up on the old and worn couch. He wouldn't be having any dreams this time, and he could never be grateful enough.


	38. Let's Clear Some Air

Walking in the bullpen early in the next morning, Gibbs was feeling pretty good after having spent the entire night thinking over his plans of how to win over DiNozzo's trust. Although, it had made him feel a little odd that he would even bother doing that. It wasn't like he had ever bothered with anyone else other than Shannon, but this situation was _completely_ different. DiNozzo was just his Agent.

For a moment his good mood crumbled when he saw the young man sitting behind his desk and holding his head between his hands, barely even glancing up when Gibbs sat behind his own desk and sipping his coffee as a way to buy himself some time to come up with the right words, not that he ever needed a reason to drink coffee.

"Rough night, DiNozzo?" He was _so_ close to start preaching about drinking when they had work the next day, but as he was pretty sure what the reason to get drunk in the first place had been, he decided to keep his mouth shut. For now.

"You could say that..." Tony muttered. He had woken up early in the morning in his own bed. He had no memory of how he had gotten in there. The last _very_ foggy memories were of Isaac, his bar and some drink of his that tasted like crap. He might never get the taste out of his mouth... And now he felt like it too. As far as he could remember, he never even finished that one glass of the drink.

"Don't make it a habit."

"Yes, boss... No, boss... I won't, boss..."

Kate walked in the bullpen, looking equally hangover, although she did try her very best to look as normal as she could. Of course Gibbs's eyes didn't miss anything.

"You drink on a school night again, don't bother coming to work," he growled.

Kate flinched and flushed red as she sat slowly behind her desk. "Yes, Gibbs..." She glanced toward her partner who was looking at least just as miserable as she was feeling. She thought gleefully that at least she wasn't the only one going to get it tough today. And the saying ' _misery loves company_ ' couldn't be more right in this case...

"DiNozzo."

"Yes, boss..?" Tony glanced up from his desk.

"Go get some coffee. You're gonna need it..."

_That's it?_ Kate frowned. Even more at the gentle tone Gibbs had used when talking to the young man.

"On it..." Tony stood up slowly, as if not trusting himself to not throw up, and left the room.

"Gibbs..."

"Not now, Kate!" Gibbs snapped.

* * *

Drinking his coffee, Tony stepped in the elevator. Just the fresh air alone had made him feel slightly better. Not enough, but it was still better than before.

Pressing the elevator button to take him to the morgue, he leaned against the wall, rubbing his forehead. His head was still trying to kill him and he hoped everything would go well. He was mad at Ducky _—pissed off_ —but he still liked the old man and didn't want their friendship to end up ruined because of something like this...

When he finally walked in the room, he knew he looked much more relaxed than what he really was. Ducky was already working on one of the bodies and, to Tony's relief, no one else besides Gerald was there.

"Anthony, my boy." Ducky smiled when he noticed the silent man standing there.

"Can we talk..?"

"Of course... Gerald. Would you please be so kind and go buy us some breakfast?" Ducky spoke to his assistant.

"Sure thing..." Gerald nodded and smiling at Tony who barely returned the smile, he left, leaving the two men stare at each other.

Finally breaking the silence, Tony walked closer, leaning against the clean autopsy table. "You ever think about redecorating this place?"

Ducky didn't say anything, just waited silently and with a sorrowful look in his eyes.

"I mean it still looks just the same when I walked in this room first time... Maybe add some color on the walls or something, you know, to make this place look a little happier. Not that there's anything happy about dead people, of course... Well, unless it's some big bad guy who killed other people..."

"Anthony..."

"Right... I'm rambling..." Tony chuckled nervously and then he bit at his tongue, hoping it would stop him from rambling again. "You remember that day I walked in here? You know, _the day_?"

"How could I forget?" Ducky smiled gently. Patiently.

"Yeah... You're right... I _did_ end up telling you this _crazy_ story about how we had already met..."

Setting his coffee mug on the autopsy table, Tony started playing with one of Ducky's 'tools' on the table, wondering how many bodies it had been cut open with. He then picked up the 'scissors'. He had seen Ducky use them before of course, but he was simply mentally preparing himself for whatever outcome their talk would lead to. "What's this for?"

"To open the intestines."

Dropping it back on the table, Tony walked around the table and stopped next to Ducky, where the man hadn't stopped working on the body that was laying there. Staring at the bloody mess, Tony couldn't help but think how ironic it was that he could stare at this without feeling nauseous, yet small thing like the 'intestines opener' made him feel distaste. Or whatever the real name was.

"You know how big my trust issues are, right..?"

"I certainly do, my boy... Could you please hand me the toothed forceps?"

Walking to where the tools were, Tony picked it up. "You mean this?"

"Yes. That one."

Handing it to the man, Tony stepped back to watch the work being done. "Gibbs and I had a little talk yesterday..."

"Really? What was it about?"

"He... revealed me a few things... Things that didn't exactly make me happy and I might have even snapped at him because of it..."

Ducky stopped working for a moment, looking at Tony. "I see... So Jethro did indeed finally tell you the truth..."

"What? How..?"

"Jethro told me. He came here this morning..."

"Of course he did..."

It was painful. The silence between them. It hardly ever was silent when the two of them were spending time together. Yet right now Ducky was waiting for Tony to say something and Tony was trying to ignore the suddenly growing headache while thinking too hard. Doing this with a hangover might not have been such a good idea after all. All he really wanted to do right now was to go home and sleep.

It was Ducky who finally spoke, looking concerned and perhaps there was just a hint of shame. "Anthony... I apologize. I know I should have let you know the moment I found out Jethro had been listening."

"You're right. So why didn't you?" Tony forced his voice to remain calm. As upset as he was, he didn't want to yell at Ducky, like he'd still love to yell and scream at Gibbs. Not to mention all the times he actually even felt like punching his boss in the face. Although _that_ reaction was mostly all thanks to the 'dream Gibbs' and the memories he had of him. His random flashbacks certainly didn't make things any easier.

"I was hoping that Jethro would have told you himself, although much sooner than this. I did not want to be the one you heard it from. Certainly not after you made it clear how easy it would be to make you leave. I am sorry, Anthony... If it ever happens again, you have my word I will no longer keep it to myself."

Tony sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds. "You're forgiven... if you do me a favor..."

"Certainly. What do you need?"

"Do you still have those pain meds you usually have for me?"

"Sure thing. They are where I always keep them. Are you hurt again?" Ducky frowned, wondering why he hadn't noticed any injuries.

"Not exactly... Just a hangover... And my head feels a bit... floaty..." At least it wasn't as bad as it had been when he woke up, plus he was able to think again.

"Anthony..."

"He didn't tear me a new one for drinking during school night and I already promised to not make a habit out of it."

Ducky chuckled. "I am afraid you completely misunderstood me now, dear boy... I was going to ask if you are alright?"

"I'm fine." Tony shrugged with a wry smile on his face. He would live. Looking more serious, he decided to not let there be left any misunderstandings. "You know how big trust issues I have, Ducky... I get it why you didn't tell me, but I'm still not sure how much I can share with you after this... It will take a while to build up that level of trust again..."

"I understand, Anthony." Ducky smiled sadly, knowing he would have to earn back the lost trust.

"I know it's stupid. It's not like you actually told people my secrets behind my back or anything..."

"No, Anthony. It is not stupid."

Tony sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Thank you for... For understanding..."

"No... Thank _you_..."

They shared a short moment of understanding between each other. Very short as that's when Gerald rushed back. "I didn't interrupt something again, did I..?"

"No. You came just in time." Tony smiled and gave a friendly pat on Gerald's shoulder as he walked away, picking up his now almost cold coffee on the way out.

* * *

Gibbs sat behind his desk and kept glancing toward the clock. He was starting to feel more than a little worried when DiNozzo still had not returned. His hand went more than once toward his phone, but he stopped it each time before he did. He could not believe how one man made him worry so much and almost every time when he did not know where DiNozzo was. It was not something he would freely admit to anyone though.

The elevator doors opened and three men stepped in the bullpen. Like most people there, Gibbs didn't pay much attention to it, although now was one of those times when he probably should have. As it was, he barely even glanced and when he saw that it wasn't Tony, he lost whatever interest he may have had.

At least two of the men seemed to be their own agents, but the one in the middle looked old enough to retire, so it was hard to tell. The man between the agents didn't follow them. Instead he just stood there for a moment, before he finally moved. What happened next, happened so fast that no one had time to react when the man suddenly pulled it out.

Pointing his gun at Gibbs, the man was screaming. "Leroy Jethro Gibbs!"

The whole bullpen was suddenly deadly silent. It was like someone had pressed the 'freeze button' as the time had frozen around the man and his weapon.

Gibbs stared at the man and tried really hard to think if he knew him, but he came up with nothing. Truth be told, he had made far too many enemies during the years that it was impossible to remember all of them. He kept his voice steady and calm when he spoke. "Look... Why don't you put that thing down and we can talk?"

"There will be no talking, Agent! I came here for one reason only: To _kill_ you, you bastard!"

"It is my middle name," Gibbs stated calmly. In his mind he was cursing himself for spending too much time with Dinozzo, since it sounded just like something that fool would be saying in a situation like this, which had in the past given a reason for several head slaps.

"Shut up!"

The man didn't give anyone another chance to talk or stop him. He knew how they would try to buy some extra time and try to talk him out of this or take him out before he made his move. He knew all those tricks. He had been doing this work much longer than Agent Gibbs, the man whose backup his son had been weeks ago, only to be killed in a shooting between the 'victim' and the agents. On top of that, the only punishment this 'victim' got was ending up in some crazy house. There was no way it would ever be enough and yet Agent Gibbs had given his blessing for it.

Pulling the trigger and with his full focus at his target, he didn't notice someone getting slowly closer, with his own gun in his steady hands.

Gibbs stood frozen. Not that he was scared or anything, he wasn't. He was worrying over the fact that he might now never get the chance to make things right with Tony. From the corner of his eye he saw movement, but he figured it was one of the agents there.

There was heard _two_ gun shots. One just a split second sooner than the other and Gibbs felt a bullet graze his left arm, but he barely even flinched as he was now openly staring at his shooter. The man was screaming in agony and holding his right hand, which was covered in blood, and the gun was now on the floor. A bullet had gone through his hand, taking one of the fingers with it.

Tony stood there with his eyes cold. He had been going to shoot to kill, but in the last second decided that killing in cold blood wouldn't do him any good. Not when he didn't _have_ to kill. So instead the bullet had hit the perfect spot, the hand holding the weapon. Not something he had aimed for per se, however the people staring at him didn't know it. There was a mix of awe and surprised looks.

After a while of silent staring, the people went back to dealing with the situation and not too soon the now weeping and cursing man was taken away, leaving the finger somewhere where it would be found _much_ later.

"Boss... Are you alright..?" Tony rushed to where his partners were, dropping his gun on his desk. His worry was written all over his face and he wasn't trying to hide it.

"Ah, Tony..." Gibbs walked forward and almost pulled the man into a hug. Since it would have ruined his bastard image doing it in front of all the people and Tony probably wasn't ready for that either, he simply laid his hand over the shoulder. "That was some shot, DiNozzo. And from that spot... Should shoot like that more often. If I find out you've been holding back..."

Glancing around the room, Tony looked at Gibbs. Feeling uncomfortable. "Actually... It was a lucky shot. I was aiming someplace else... And the results could have been much worse... You could've... I could've only made it worse... Should have just shot in the head or something..."

Gibbs hit the back of Tony's head, leaving his hand there. He repeated his previous words. "Some shot, DiNozzo. Although, next time it better not be just a 'lucky shot'."

Tony swallowed. "Couldn't let him kill you, boss..."

"Oh, really?"

"Boss... We're not okay, but I'd _never_..."

"I got it..." Gibbs, forgetting his previous decision, pulled his Agent into a hug, not hearing the shocked gasp coming from behind his other Agent's desk.

Although he froze for a moment, Tony relaxed soon. _Just for this one time,_ he kept telling himself. He tried to keep his mind calm, but from the corner of his eye he saw where the bullet had grazed Gibbs and the memory and the moment of understanding that this was it, finally reached his emotions. The moment when he had realized Gibbs was going to be killed and all those agents in the bullpen did nothing. Surely there could have been _one_ person with the brains and opportunity? Right? Or maybe he was just being a little unfair... And Gibbs _was_ still alive...

"You did good..." Gibbs whispered as he felt the slight tremors on the young man.

A little too soon, Tony pulled away, catching a glimpse of Kate staring at them with a thoughtful look on her face.

He knew he couldn't forever avoid her attempts to talk with him and as annoying as Kate sometimes could be, she was not stupid. She obviously had noticed how he kept calling her 'Agent Todd' and never joined in the playful banters that she had tried to start with him. Part of him would have loved to jump in. Arguing with Kate had been one of his favorite things, when she didn't go too far of course... But he couldn't trust himself or her enough to allow that to happen right now. He liked her, really did, but he was just too worried and focused making sure 'history' didn't repeat itself.

Maybe he was bit too focused on it..? At this rate he'd never start actually living his life. This life. The real life. Not the dream and always thinking about it and what could happen and how to stop those things from happening... No wonder he was so tired all the time... He could not possibly keep doing this much longer without finally losing it and ending up with some sort of mental breakdown...

"You know we're _never_ going to be able to live this one down... _You_ won't be able to live it down, boss."

Gibbs grumbled and glared at the few agents still staring at them, making them squirm and leave the scene. "Watch me..."

Some things never changed and with some of it Tony was glad to have it so... He _needed_ the change, the difference, but he also needed the safety of something 'old' and familiar. However, his biggest constant fear was that Gibbs would let him feel and see his caring side, only to snatch it back the moment he would get used to it...

_Please don't do that to me again, Gibbs_...


	39. Does He Hate Me?

"Kate! Don't move!"

Kate froze and turned around, staring at Tony who had yelled at her out of blue. She was glad he had _finally_ gone from constantly calling her 'Agent Todd' to using her nickname, but she sure didn't appreciate it being used in such a manner and place as this. At the crime scene, with bunch of curious onlookers as their audience. And there seemed to be way too often someone with a video camera recording everything they could.

"What?" she snapped.

"Don't. Move," Tony repeated and walked next to her. Crouching down, he took a picture of her feet.

"Tony, I worked for the Secret Service. I think I know what I'm doing. I can't say the same about you though. What _are_ you doing?"

He looked up, with unreadable expression on his face. "You just stepped on the evidence."

"What? _Oh_..." She finally looked down and saw something that looked like a partial bloody footprint. It was hard to tell for sure now since she was covering most of it with her foot. She gasped and then she saw from corner of the eye that Gibbs was walking toward them with fiery eyes. The boss had obviously seen and heard the whole thing. Looking down where Tony was working around her shoe, trying to salvage what could be salvaged, Kate tried sending silent pleas of help to him. She had heard many stories about the fury of Gibbs and having already been around Gibbs on a 'normal day', she really didn't want to find out the worst of him.

Tony could feel her eyes on him and recognized Gibbs's angry footsteps getting closer, so he didn't even have to guess to know that she was anxious and obviously was now trying to get his attention, maybe thinking that he would help her out. No such luck. Tony kept his eyes on the evidence, even as he could already hear Gibbs's angry huff of breath. He wouldn't have been surprised if there was actual steam coming from his nostrils.

"I'm going to need your shoe, Kate."

"What?"

"Your shoe. It's got some of the evidence on it so I need you to give it to me."

"Oh. Right," Kate mumbled. Her mind was right now too occupied by the thoughts of her boss and not in any positive way. She felt like a dog with the tail between her legs as her very angry master had caught her breaking something precious to him.

Walking away from Kate, who still didn't even dare to move from her spot, Tony kept his face neutral. However the truth was that he was having a hard time not jumping between his partner and Gibbs's wrath. This was against his very nature, just walking away. The inner struggle was serious. It was one thing to stop being the wall between other people and Gibbs on a normal day. This however was stepping into a whole new level and he was having a huge battle within himself. Even he knew most people would not tolerate someone like Gibbs as their boss, but he was used to being treated like someone's piece of rag. Something used to wipe the dirt off the floor when needed and then afterwards tossed back in the corner, until next time, if he didn't end up being completely forgotten.

Done with saving the evidence, Tony quickly disappeared inside the building where the body was. Ducky and Gerald were already there and the men looked at him with question written all over their faces when they could hear Gibbs's voice from the outside. Yelling.

Seeing a glimpse of Gibbs and Kate facing each other, Tony turned his back toward the window. Although he could hear the very loud chewing out by the boss, he preferred to not watch it. He had decided to no longer take Gibbs's temper on himself and even stop trying to guide it somewhere else all the time and this was going to be the first real test for him. And as he was listening to the anything but professional use of words, he was starting to fear he would not last.

Unable to stop himself, Tony walked to the window. After observing the two for a while, he smiled. Sure, he felt bad for Kate and he didn't exactly enjoy this, but he couldn't help but feel a little proud how she was taking it all. Why hadn't he done things this way 'from the beginning'..?

* * *

"Where's Kate?" Gibbs asked when he returned in the bullpen, after having been 'summoned' by the Director to talk about his recent behavior toward his subordinate.

Tony looked up from the paperwork. "She went to see Abby."

"There's no time for her to be wasting it on some gossips! We are in the middle of a case!"

"Actually, it was something case related, boss. She found a link between the Lieutenant and our sweet innocent Colonel, which she went to confirm it with Abby's help."

"I never ordered her to do that."

"I did, boss." Tony spoke calmly and silently, just _daring_ Gibbs to piss him off. Like using his own personal favorite: telling how it was him, _Gibbs_ , who was the boss. Not Tony. That his Second In Command or not, Tony had no right to be placing any orders. The 'old Gibbs' surely would have told something like that or just given his nastiest look and then head slapped his Agent all the way to the next week and beyond.

After almost couple of days watching from afar how his boss had gone into full ' _someone drank the last drop of coffee on the whole earth and that someone wasn't Gibbs_ ' fury, Tony was way over his own ' _just sit back and relax_ ' act. Not that he couldn't do it, but the whole thing was starting to not only affect their own team as a whole, but also those unlucky people around them. Although, it was just a little amusing how the last couple of days the area around them always seemed to be void of people other than they themselves. Even he himself hadn't realized before just how much difference it could make when Gibbs's attention was lured toward something else. Even if that something was the poor head of one Senior Field Agent.

With some humor, Tony wondered if that's what this all was: Gibbs had head slapped his SFA all the way into past.

Gibbs stared at him for a while and then finally grunted something, sitting behind his desk without another word.

"Hey, boss. Maybe we should take a break? I think our minds would work much better after it. You could go ahead and I'll join you as soon as I have made sure Kate knows?"

Gibbs hesitated. Part of him wanted to keep punishing Kate by denying that extra break from her, but he really wasn't in the mood for another visit to the Director's office so soon. "Alright."

When Tony made his way to the lab where he knew Kate still was, he stopped outside the room, hearing the two women talking. Well, mostly it was Kate talking and releasing some of the steam from her system while Abby was listening patiently.

"...and then he made _me_ go down in the sewer. There were plenty of other people there who could have done it, but of course Gibbs just _had_ to make me do it. I wasn't even dressed for such activity. I swear, that stench won't leave my nostrils for weeks."

"You wouldn't believe how many designer outfits I have ruined in this job, Kate." Tony startled the women as he spoke and walked in the room. "It's something we must always be prepared for if you don't wish to carry a spare set of clothes everywhere you go to. There's no way to ever know for sure what kind of day is waiting for us. I blame the bad guys. It's hard to both look professional and be practical because of them."

Abby had only one thought in her mind and she put on her upset face. "Tony! Both you _and_ Gibbs have forgotten to bring me my Caf-Pow today!"

"Do you remember how many Caf-Pows you had yesterday?"

"A few."

"Well, _that_ explains." As it often seemed to be the case, Abby's few meant a 'mild' case of a caffeine overdose. "You know that Gibbs hasn't been in a good mood lately. And with you high on caffeine didn't exactly make his mood any better."

"Gibbs would have told me if I was annoying him. Right..?"

Tony shook his head, hiding a smile, but his eyes were twinkling. "If you promise that Gibbs won't find out, I'll bring you one after I come back from our coffee break..."

Abby made the 'zipping her mouth close' gesture. "No one will ever know."

"Did Gibbs send you to look for me?" Kate asked, looking like she would really much rather remain where she was.

"No. We decided it's time to take a break. That's what I came to tell you about. We could all use a moment without thinking about the case... So once we're back, you can let Gibbs know all about what you found."

"What _I_ found?" Kate was confused, but Tony was already gone by the time she understood what he had meant. "I don't know how he does it," Kate spoke after a moment of silence in the lab that was usually never without some kind of loud music on.

"You mean, get along with Gibbs?"

"That's one way to put it, but yes."

"It's not really that they get along or anything... It's more like Gibbs keeps trying to earn the trust of a sad and hurt little puppy who doesn't trust anyone and even bites if you get too close. His bark is not worse than his bite, trust me... Tony can be just as scary as Bossman if he wants to... Or maybe Gibbs is trying to adopt him or something."

Kate had a flashback from some weeks ago. The two grown men in their terribly awkward hug after the shooting incident in the bullpen, which even she knew was way out of character for both of them. "They... Gibbs... What?"

"I didn't say that. Even Gibbs doesn't know it yet, so you heard nothing. Okay?"

Kate smiled. "I got it. I won't speak. My lips are sealed."

"So, where were we?" Abby was referring to the talk before Tony had walked in.

Kate had a surprised look on her face. "You know... It's strange, but I don't feel anywhere near as mad anymore. Actually, I don't even remember what I was talking about..."

* * *

Gibbs was already sitting and drinking his second cup of coffee by the time Tony finally walked in the coffeehouse.

Drinking the good coffee—and being surrounded by freshly made coffee scent—had calmed him down. And while he had waited for DiNozzo to join him, he'd had time to think.

Perhaps he was being a little too hard on his newest Agent, but why should he treat her any differently than he had been treating all the other agents who had been working with him? In fact, she hadn't even seen the worst of him yet... He was also feeling rather disappointed in himself, as it had been him who chose her. Sure, it had been under the pressure put on him by the Director, but still... At least he should have talked with Tony _—his Second In Command_ —before deciding anything...

Actually, the real question might have to be, why was he treating DiNozzo so differently compared to everyone else?

In reality he _did_ know the answer, but he wasn't ready to acknowledge it yet. Even though he was pretty sure both Shannon and Kelly would be okay with this. Possibly even happy for him, was what he wanted to think at least.

"Hey, Laura," Tony greeted the waitress with a charming smile as he sat down.

"Tony. What does your heart desire today? The usual?" The young woman returned the smile. It didn't matter that there was now a ring on her finger, the young Agent was still her favorite customer. Even if the man had never done more than some flirting with her in the past.

"The usual and... I think I'm going to be brave today and try some of that cherry pie you have there." Once he had both the slice of pie and coffee in front of him, Tony sighed with pleasure, taking the first sip of the still too hot coffee.

"I think she'll spend her coffee break with Abby," Tony spoke after a while, seeing the question.

"Good."

"I also think she's received her punishment by now..."

"She screwed up. Her mistake could have cost everything."

"I know it, you know it, she knows it, everyone knows it. She even apologized, didn't she? I mean, it's not like she completely ruined our crime scene or anything."

Gibbs remained silent, but he _was_ listening. Although it took Tony to notice it. Most people would just think the older man was completely ignoring everything.

"I don't know if you've noticed it, but lately the atmosphere in our team has been really bad and even the other people are being affected by it. I've been working far too many years in such toxic environment and I am not going to go down that road again."

"Is that a threat, DiNozzo?" Gibbs snarled. Not liking to be given any ultimatums. No matter who gave them to him.

"No, boss. It's not a threat. It's a promise."

The corners of Gibbs's mouth finally twisted into a smile. "You're quoting me a little bit too much sometimes, DiNozzo..."

"I do learn some nice quotes from you every once in a while and you know how I love my movie quotes, so don't expect me to not use yours."

Tony asked for another plate and he cut the already generous piece of pie into two smaller ones. He gave the other half to Gibbs, which the man started eating almost right away, having been eyeing the thing since it was brought on their table.

"She's still new and even older agents like yourself still make mistakes for years to come. Don't look at me like that. You know I'm right... My point is that she has still plenty of time to screw things up. Save some of your wrath and punishments for a future use..."

"When did you become so smart, DiNozzo?" Gibbs looked amused.

"I've always been smart." Tony grinned cheekily.

* * *

Kate watched as Tony actually stood up after Gibbs had told them to go home, before some redhead had come to take the boss somewhere. The case was finally closed and they would have the next day off. She felt like she could finally breathe again.

"You know, it's good to have you as Gibbs's Second. I don't know how many others would have done what you did."

Tony looked over his shoulder. Seeing Kate with her 'profiler mode' on, he mentally rolled his eyes and then smiled. "What are you talking about?"

"I know you did or said something to Gibbs. I'm obviously still not his favorite person, but at least he stopped treating me like someone who can't tell the difference between my right and left hand."

"It would be great to take all the credit, but you're thanking the wrong person. I have nothing to do with it. And I know better than most people that Gibbs is a tough boss to work with, and more demanding than most, but even he can show some mercy now and then. Maybe he thinks you've been punished enough. Although if I were you I'd pay from now on more attention to my surroundings. Especially on a crime scene..."

Tony walked to the elevator and while he was waiting for the doors to open, Kate joined him. She obviously had learned her lesson from Gibbs because she waited until they were inside the elevator and the doors had closed before she spoke. At least she didn't stop the elevator.

"Tony... Thank you."

He never said anything, but the faint smile caressing his lips eased a little bit of the worry she had been carrying for weeks now. Perhaps now they could finally become proper partners? It was hard to work with people you did not get along with. They could help you get through a tough case or they could make your life a living hell. Gibbs had done far more than his share of proving that to her. Rarely did some rumors around most people end up being complete truth. Without Tony, she could not see herself remaining in this team for too long.

"There's something that's been bothering me for a while now... Do you hate working with me? Do you hate me?"

Tony remained silent until they stepped out. Once outside, he stopped for a moment and then finally looked at her properly. "I would stop the bullet meant for you, Kate. That's all you need to know." He walked away when he saw her opening her mouth again. "Enjoy your day off, Kate. I know I will."


	40. Unveiled

It was the first time since... Actually, he couldn't remember the last time. It was the first since _forever_ almost when he'd had his last peaceful day and also had a whole day off to enjoy it. And he wasn't injured either. Even his mind was at peace for a change and he didn't feel stressed out every moment of the day.

So maybe he should have just stayed home and done the whole ' _sit back, watch some movies and just relax_ ', which he had told everyone else he was going to be doing. But then, instead of ordering some pizza, he had decided to go for a run and maybe stop by for some of that ' _DiNozzo special_ '. Surely Isaac would've been happy to have his company while he wasn't in need for some distraction.

He hadn't been completely clueless. Although life was sometimes starting to feel close enough to being normal again, and he even felt like he was finally almost in control of his own brains. But then that phone call happened...

* * *

_**\- FLASHBACK -** _

_Walking out of the elevator, side by side, the two men were both ready to get back to work. Seeing Kate already sitting behind her desk, Tony looked at Gibbs, who held back his urge to roll his eyes._

_"You make sure there's enough real coffee for me and I'll behave."_

_Kate looked up when the two men returned. She was feeling stressed out and hadn't dared to use her coffee break. Instead she had been working on the case for almost the whole time the other two were gone. "What's so funny?" She asked, seeing the amused grin on Tony's face. Hopefully that amusement wasn't aimed toward her... She was already dreading the whole idea of more long hours of working under Gibbs's watchful eyes.  
_

_"Nothing. Boss was just being himself."_

_"DiNozzo..."_

_"On it, boss. Getting back to work now, boss. Kate. Why don't you share what you and Abby found?"_

_Sitting behind his desk, Tony tuned out both Kate and Gibbs when his phone rang. Glancing up, he saw that neither one of the two was paying any attention to him now. Seeing the familiar number, his mind went numb for a moment. Why now? He had hoped that somehow this day would never come..._

* * *

And perhaps that's why he now was in this situation. Sitting in the car, blindfolded and a gun held against his head. Had he not tried to keep his life as normal as possible, he wouldn't be here right now. Ah, Eugene was going to be so mad at him... After all the training... And Gibbs. Gibbs was going to kick his ass for not answering his phone if the man decided to call him.

"So, all this for not answering one phone call? Bit dramatic, isn't it?" The answer was to have the unknown weapon holder push the gun harder against his head. Someone swore loudly in Italian.

**"Peppino! We were told to bring him back alive!"**

**"Father never said we couldn't 'toughen him up'. I swear, Paolo, this guy has too big mouth for his own good. If he keeps using it too much, my trigger finger might just slip."**

**"Then keep it off the trigger."**

**"Sure, and why not just hand him the gun while we're at it?"**

Tony kept his mouth firmly shut this time. Obviously the two didn't know he could understand every word they were saying and he liked to keep it that way. For now.

While they kept talking, Tony was slowly working on freeing his hands, which were tied up behind his back. To his relief these two didn't seem to be criminal masterminds since the rope wasn't tied up all that skillfully. They had taken everything from him that could be used as a weapon, but he was prepared to improvise. Once his hands were finally free, he listened closely, trying to figure out if anyone was looking at him right now. At least the gun wasn't about to push a hole in his head anymore.

Mentally feeling Gibbs head slapping him, Tony muttered his reply silently, which was drowned by the arguing of the two men. "Not like _you_ wouldn't take that chance, boss, so please shut up while I'm trying to think..."

Knowing very well that his next move could be his last, in one swift move Tony removed the blindfold and grabbed the gun from Peppino, whose eyes widened just a moment before he let out a choking sound. Paolo who was driving, hit the breaks, stopping the car in the middle of the empty road.

"And now... I believe I have found my wild card. Thank you for the weapon by the way. Not exactly what I would have chosen, but it'll do." Tony smirked. His one arm was around Peppino's throat in a tight hold, but not too tight. Just enough to make the man panic. His other hand was pointing the small handgun at Paolo. The weapon was surprisingly small one for such 'big bad' guys as these two were trying to be. It was almost too small for his finger to even pull the trigger if it came to that.

"So, which one of you two will tell me? What does the old Voltolini want?" He couldn't see the look on Peppino's face, but Paolo looked startled, while his twin brother kept struggling. Gasping for his breath, the man didn't realize it was mostly his own panic causing his current distress.

**"I guess this leaves just you then, Paolo,"** Tony spoke in Italian. Leaving no question whether he had the power over them right now or not.

If he wanted, he could have made them drive him all the way back to D.C., but he had been listening to the two of them talking long enough on their way toward the Baltimore area that he had became too curious for his own good. Curious and almost like Gibbs on his bad day, when the man was ready to shoot someone over one cup of spilled coffee.

The place they were heading to was most likely the same place where Teddy had taken both him and Gibbs last time. So he could also just tie them up, leave them on the road somewhere and drive there himself. He could do almost anything right now and for the first time he truly realized why Angelo might be so disappointed in his own kids. While he had no idea what kind of people the other four were like, these two here certainly acted all though, but when it came to some truly serious situation they became couple of cowards. One scared to death, when he was causing the misery himself. The other afraid of a tiny handgun, which wouldn't necessarily even cause that big damage. If the man was willing to take the risk of course.

"Father, he... We don't know what father wants from you. He gave us orders and we are following them. That's all." Paolo swallowed, his eyes never leaving the tiny weapon in Tony's hand, which in all honesty looked more like a replica of a children's toy and not the other way around.

Tony narrowed his eyes, studying the man who was about ten years older than him. A man who had gone from his tough ' _get in the car if you don't want your brains to be decorating the streets_ ' to almost ready to wet his pants. Why would Voltolini send these two after him?

Shaking his head, Tony searched from his memory the face of the old man. Finding it, he looked at Paolo in the eyes and putting up his best 'daddy Voltolini' act, he snarled. "Take me to him." When Paolo was clearly bemused by the request, Tony raised his voice, using Italian again. **"Now!"**

* * *

Angelo stood by the window of his study. Mostly because from there he had the best view of anyone coming to the house, but it was also his own personal 'safe room', should anything happen. Complete with a secret door and room.

Seeing the car stopping in front of the house, he had to laugh. Perhaps he was making things a little bit too easy for the Detective. No. _Agent_. That was nice upgrade from the last position... So maybe it had been making things too easy, but he had known the young man would come anyway. Either because of curiosity or anger. Watching as his sons—and embarrassment to the family name—allowed the man to order them around, Angelo walked to the phone laying on his desk and called the kitchen, giving an order to bring something for them to eat and drink. For him and his 'guest'.

It took mere four minutes and seventeen seconds for Anthony to find his way in the room. In a house this big, that was impressive and it was what Angelo said the moment the door nearly flew open, with Paolo almost falling inside the room.

"Impressive, and close to the record, which is still held by myself from my younger days," Angelo spoke as he put put down the timer he had been holding.

"You two. Scram," Tony said and finally released Peppino who had already passed out once in the car and couldn't wait to get lost fast enough. Together with his brother, they disappeared. Then Tony pointed at Angelo with the gun in his hand. "And you. Talk."

Angelo took one look at the weapon and he laughed. "You do not scare me with your toy, Anthony..."

"Figured as much. Just needed to check that stupidity doesn't run in the family... Besides, it's not even loaded. Found that out half way in here... Small or not, it's still too light to have any bullets in it..." Seeing the free chair, Tony sat on it, after putting the 'toy' away. "So you made me come all the way here. On my _very_ rare and much needed day off too if I may add... My time is limited, so _talk_."

While Tony was still speaking, both the food and drinks were brought in the room. Not surprisingly, Tony didn't even glance toward any of it.

Angelo sighed and rolled his thumbs. "Two years, Anthony. I was hoping you would have called me by now. I am hurt."

"I never had any intention of calling you. And my phone number is private, not to mention I keep changing it at least once per year. I'm surprised you had it."

"I have my ways."

"You've done background check on me," Tony stated blankly, while the old man just smiled and leaned back on his big chair, looking like a king talking to his servant.

"And you have done it on me. So I believe we are even. Now... I do know however that there is some information you have been unable to find, am I correct?"

Tony kept the look on his face neutral as he was wondering which information Voltolini was referring to.

"Ziva David. I believe that is the name?"

Keeping the mask firmly on his face, Tony laughed inwardly. _But of course_... "What is it that you want? I'm sure you wouldn't be handing over any information freely or you would've just phoned me..."

"I could have, if you had picked up your phone."

"...or sent the information to me through some other ways. Let's stop the games, Voltolini, and get straight to the business. Why am I here?"

"I want to make a deal with you, Anthony... Please, allow me to finish explaining before you stop me."

Tony gave him a blank stare. He had a bad feeling, which of course wasn't surprising. It shouldn't take a genius to figure out that everything about the man was only bad news. One way or another.

"Thank you... I am an old man and while my own generation is still strong, it is slowly dying and my children are weak. As you know, my hands are not clean and they never will be, but I will let you know a secret... My children are weak because our blood is not what it used to be, but also because _I_ raised them weak. As a revenge against my own father, but that is a story for another time."

Tony briefly glanced at the door when one of Voltolini people stepped inside the room. A woman who looked strangely familiar...

"I want you to marry my daughter."

"What?" Tony gaped and the woman walked next to the old man. She looked calm and Tony finally remembered where he had seen her before. Finally it clicked why the old man had shared all that seemingly useless information about his family and those photo albums, way back when they first met. This one had to be the youngest child, Italia. While not looking like her father, she certainly resembled the man far more than the twins. It was the way she carried herself and she seemed to have the same 'spirit' as her father. Not a good thing.

"I want you to marry Italia. I want you to become the son of this family and then I can leave my seat to you. Whether you two will have a divorce after my death or not, it is out of my reach. I have no true power from my grave. What I want is for you to become part of this family. To destroy it from the inside. It is the only way it can be done. In return, you will be a very rich man."

Tony had been silent, but now he snorted. Somehow he didn't think it would be that easy. "I don't need your money, Voltolini." There was a very short moment of surprise in the old man's eyes, which told Tony that however deep Voltolini's background search on him had been, it hadn't been deep enough. Indeed, they were 'even'.

"You're a cold blooded murderer. Why would you want to destroy this all?"

"I want redemption. Every once in a while even a man like myself finds that the life beyond this one is... uncertain."

Tony tried reading any lies from the awfully sincere look in the man's eyes, but came back with nothing. Though his gut wasn't ringing any alarm bells right now, he still wasn't going to trust a man like this. A man who had most likely even killed children, or at the very least some of his people had done it with his blessing. There was no redemption for people like that. "Why?"

"Like I said, I am an old man. I do not have much time left. I wish to be able to do one good deed before death comes to collect me."

"Why not just help the poor then or something? Isn't that what you're good at?" Tony snorted again as he remembered the squeaky clean image that the family had, which would turn the pope green with jealousy. The more clean the image was on the outside, usually the truth was so much worse. It didn't matter how white and pure looking it was if inside it was full of dead men's bones and all manner of unspeakable evil.

"Ah, but it does not satisfy me. I need something more. Something grand. I want to take down not only my own family, but the families working under me. If I die without doing anything, someone else will take my place and the same will continue. Only the new generation has no control and are lacking in discipline. I need you, Anthony. It will not only make my blood strong once again, but it will also give us all what we want. I am giving you this family on a silver plate."

Tony stood up. He was feeling slightly creeped out and almost like he was some breeding dog or horse. Very much like his own father would've been had the man not disowned him before he was old enough to be married off to some rich man's daughter. The situation couldn't have been more ironic. Despite being cut off from the family, he still was in that exact situation. Or the threat of it. "I'm flattered, but I'm not exactly planning to get married..."

"It would be in name only, Anthony... Of course there would be children, but that is all I am asking."

Glancing toward the outwardly emotionless woman who had barely even looked at him, other than maybe _through_ him, Tony's mind automatically rated her looks and he head slapped himself, shocking the other two for a moment into looks of wide eyed expression. Sure, the woman looked pretty and _very_ Italian so her name was appropriate, but after Wendy—and Jeanne—and now his current lifestyle, he really did not care to be even thinking about settling down. Especially with her...

Hearing some noise from outside the room, Tony listened for a few seconds and then a wide grin spread on his face. "I'll think about it. Right now is not a good time to talk about that..."

Angelo studied him for a moment, then nodded his head. Italia took a CD from her father and she had barely given it to Tony, when the door was kicked wide open.

Gibbs, with a furious look on his face, held his weapon against the head of Paolo and snarled. "Let him go, you—!"

By then Tony had slipped the CD inside his pocket as he spoke, interrupting Gibbs. "Boss. It's fine. I was already on my way out."

"DiNozzo?"

"I'll explain later. You can let go of Paolo now. He's already had enough excitement for today I'm sure." Tony moved closer and he had to practically pry open the hand still holding Paolo. The hand was almost white from the raw force that had been used to hold the man. Gibbs blinked few times and although he hesitated, he trusted DiNozzo to know what he was doing, so he finally lowered his gun. A _real_ gun and not a toy.

Italia took hold of her brother when he began to fall toward the floor almost as soon as he was released.

"I will see you again, Anthony," Angelo said with a promise.

With barely a glance over his shoulder, Tony left the place with Gibbs hot on his heels. It was only then that Tony started wondering where Teddy was.

* * *

"You have some explaining to do, DiNozzo!" Gibbs was yelling at him almost as soon when they were sitting in his car and safely on their way back to D.C. Of course he wasn't yelling because he was actually mad at Tony, but because he had been scared and worried. Anger was simply the emotion he was more comfortable with. "I call you and you're not picking up your phone and I _knew_ something wasn't right! Then some kids tell me they saw men taking you..."

Tony furrowed his brows. "How did you find me anyway? No, wait... Let me guess... Your gut?"

Gibbs shrugged and kept his eyes on the road this time, much to Tony's relief. "That watch you're wearing."

Tony glanced toward the expensive thing around his wrist. "The one Abby gave me last year?"

"It's got a tracking device in it."

"It's got... What!?"

"We figured it was needed after you kept getting in trouble in the most bizarre ways and often with no one around. We actually got it during the time you joined the NCIS. Just had to find a reason to give it to you."

"The Harris's case... But Gibbs, this is low. Even from you."

"Sorry." Gibbs shrugged again and not feeling sorry at all.

Tony completely ignored the fact that Gibbs had just apologized. Sort of. Glancing to the driver's seat, he snorted. "So that's why Abby made such a big deal to ' _never take it off, unless you're taking a shower_ '... I hope you realize I won't be wearing this again. I might even tie it around some bird flying to south, just for fun."

"So... What did the devil want?"

Tony looked thoughtful for a moment. "'The devil' wants to make a deal with me."

"And? Did you make one?"

"No."

Gibbs frowned. "But you're thinking about it. Why?"

"Let's just say that the deal isn't what you think it is. I promise to think very carefully and let you know if I decide to suddenly 'jump on the dark side'."

Gibbs snorted dryly. Daring to finally look at the young man, he saw him staring at one of the tiniest guns he had ever seen. "What's that..?"

"A souvenir."

* * *

Finally back home, Tony sighed in relief as he slumped on his couch. It had taken all of his energy to stop Gibbs from following him to his place and then stop Gibbs from dragging him to the older man's place.

Taking off his shirt, he was about to go and take one much needed shower to wash away the now dried sweat from his morning run, when his hand stopped at the pocket of the pants. In a split second he forgot how filthy he was feeling and instead of the bathroom, he took out the CD and made his way to his laptop.

"It's now either yes or no, Ziva. Either you are real or just the creation of my own imagination..."

The moment he opened the first file with nothing but a brief summary and some photo, he felt something like relief flooding through him when he saw her face. Strangely he even felt just a little bit less crazy.

Laughing, Tony wiped a hand over his face. "Well, look who's finally arrived on the scene..."


	41. Steve

Tony sighed heavily as he leaned against the wall. He hated this, all of it. Hated this moving coffin on the sea, which brought back other far too many unpleasant 'memories', and he also hated this situation with Stan. Then the Petty Officer Wilkes had died despite him trying to change the outcome, since it had been almost like some higher power kept stopping him from doing anything, and for a while Gibbs hadn't been fun to be around either.

He chose to ignore it when the door opened and Kate peeked inside, obviously looking for something, or someone. "Tony."

"What is it? Gibbs needs another bucket for his soil?"

"That's not—" Kate made a face and then took a place next to Tony where they stood staring at the wall in the small room. "I don't think you need to worry too much... Stan—"

"Stan was _amazing_ Agent and people miss him. I got it. In fact, Abby made it _mighty_ obvious."

"You know why she reacted that way, don't you..?"

"Because she can't wait to get rid of me."

"No! Tony... You know she likes you. Really, really likes you. You're like... Her favorite number one. Well, right after Gibbs, of course... It's just that... she's also jealous. Because while she puts you second after Gibbs... Gibbs..." Kate glanced around, as if afraid their boss might be listening.

"Gibbs what? Slaps me in the sea next?"

"No..! For Gibbs, you come first. Like... When you're not there, he can't focus. He just... Stares at your desk or door, until he can see you with his own two eyes. I don't know why, but for some reason he seems to think you'll disappear or something..."

Tony laughed. "Okay... What have you been smoking?"

Kate reached her hand to give a head slap, but Tony reacted fast and stopped her. " _Don't_. I don't hit women and I don't wish to change that. So... Just, don't."

She swallowed and tried to ignore the sudden feeling of fear creeping in her. When he finally let go of her hand, she rubbed it. "I'm not on drugs or anything... And despite what you may think of my skills as a profiler, some things are way too obvious for anyone to not notice..."

"He just feels bad because of something else, Kate... That's all..."

"Now who's the one not seeing things that are right under your nose? When you were taken—which is by the way something none of you have shared with me—you wouldn't believe what a tyrant the boss became. Demanding that we track you down yesterday. He was like... I've never seen anyone go that crazy. I swear, he was _this_ close to even attacking the Director when he came to ask what was going on... He calmed down only when Abby mentioned to him about that watch of yours. Well, until he found out where you were heading... After that he might have as well taken out his gun and shot down anyone even thinking about getting on his way. He was like... Like..."

"Captain Ahab..." Tony said softly and Kate was surprised she hadn't thought of that.

"Yes! That one!"

Shaking his head, Tony smiled bitterly. "Trust me. It's nothing like that..."

"Tony..."

"Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all if Stan came back. Maybe it is time for me to move on again?"

"Think again, DiNozzo."

Both Kate and Tony were startled by the sudden third voice. Neither of them had noticed Gibbs opening the door and now the older man stood there with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Gibbs..."

"Not now, Kate... Go." Gibbs nodded toward the door and walked next to Tony who refused to even look at him.

Kate watched with pure fascination as Gibbs was slowly moving closer, until his hand was finally resting on the young man's shoulder and then it slowly moved up to the neck. It was all done in a shooting manner. Like he was handling a wild horse that was ready to jump away and escape, all the while giving those 'looks' that were screaming both the need to get away and to stay right where he was. And then Tony's eyes closed with a soft sigh, his rigid form relaxing, and Gibbs pulled his head to rest on his shoulder. It was then that Kate suddenly felt like she was intervening something very private and she was deeply moved.

"Why are you still standing there?" Gibbs spoke suddenly with a soft voice, but the look in his eyes was dangerous.

"Sorry..." Kate blushed and hurried outside, closing the door after her. For a while she just stood there, replaying the moment in her head.

Back in the room, Gibbs had made them both sit down. With Tony's head still on his shoulder, the older man felt the slight tremors running through the young man.

"What's going on, Tony..? Don't try to tell me my bad mood is the reason... I was yelling at _everyone_..."

"I... got a phone call... Before we came here..."

"And?"

"Voltolini..."

Gibbs felt fury grow inside him again and he almost growled it out, but then he forced himself to calm down, even if his control was fragile at best. "What did the devil do this time?"

"Told me he'll be collecting the debt soon..."

"Tony..."

"I know, okay! I know! I was an idiot! Didn't think it further! But I... I needed it... Needed what he was offering me..."

Knowing the young man still hadn't shared that bit of information with him, Gibbs took this chance. "What did he offer you?"

"Information... I... needed to know that someone is real and not the result of my own imagination... I had to, Gibbs..! For the sake of my very sanity, I had to know." Tony looked up with pleading look in his eyes. Begging for understanding.

Gibbs realized that once again it had something to do with the 'dream'. And he understood, kind of, but it didn't stop him from cursing that dream in his mind. And he knew that it was probably what he himself would have done. "I get it, Tony..."

Hearing that, Tony relaxed and sat straighter, but didn't shake off Gibbs's hand that was still resting on his neck. "I told him that I'd 'think about it'. I wasn't really thinking about any of it at all, but neither did I promise anything. I suppose that me accepting the information in his world meant I had accepted... Gibbs... I don't even know what to think of him... There's hardly any real information about him out there."

"Listen to me. No matter what, I will be with you on this."

"Boss... I don't want—"

"Together, Tony. We'll deal with everything together. Got it?" Gibbs tried to not blink as he looked at Tony and smiled when the man finally nodded, even if it was with some hesitation.

"I just don't want you to end up in trouble or hurt because of this. Because of me..." Tony spoke silently and flinched, startled, when the hand at the back of his neck gently squeezed him.

"We'll deal with those things as they come, okay? So... What was the deal? Your end of it."

To Gibbs's surprise, Tony looked royally ashamed and he flushed deep red. "He wants me in the family..."

"What?" Gibbs fumed. If the man thought he could convert the former Detective as one of _them_...

"It's... It's not what you think, boss... He, ah... He wants me to marry..."

"He _what_?" Gibbs stared and Tony's eyes nearly bulged out as he caught up with what his boss was thinking.

"His _daughter_! He wants me to marry his daughter!"

At first Gibbs felt and looked relieved. It wasn't what he had thought it was, but then the look on his Agent's face and the more serious reality of the situation settled in.

"I would much rather shoot myself than have anything to do with those people..." Tony didn't even blink at the gentle head slap.

"Don't say that, Tony... If he calls again, you give the phone to me and I'll say a few chosen words to him myself, okay? In fact, I'm looking forward to it."

"You can't follow me around."

"Why not?"

" _Boss_..."

"Then you'll come to my place until this thing has been dealt with."

"No."

"I would feel much better if I didn't have to end up spending my nights in a car outside your apartment. I've been told that lack of sleep and not enough coffee to go with it can make me a real bastard."

Tony hesitated and weighted his options, but realized then that it was exactly what the old bastard would do and so he nodded his agreement. Although he was feeling irritated. "Fine..."

There was fluttering in his chest, which Gibbs chose to ignore. "Get some rest... We have a long day tomorrow..."

"Aye, aye mother— Captain," Tony added quickly, not seeing the grin as Gibbs walked to the door where he stopped for a moment.

"And just so you know... You are the best Agent I have ever worked with, DiNozzo... So don't ever again think I would just let you walk away from me. Not without a fight. Besides, who else would stand up to me? Stan was _terrified_ of me. Actually, I think he still is..."

Tony chuckled as he remembered the uncomfortable looks Stan had been throwing toward Gibbs. And who could blame the man? "I got it, boss..."

* * *

Case closed and so it was time to head back home. Tony stood on the deck, with yet another moment and feelings of déjà vu. He was distantly aware of his partners walking away and that someone's eyes were on him.

"There's no way I'd be coming back, you know."

Tony turned around and looked at Stan Burley with narrowed eyes. "Kate..."

"Actually, it was Gibbs— Wait!" Stan put his hand on Tony's shoulder as he was about to storm off. "Wait. Let me finish talking first, okay? He didn't really get into anything personal, just... Well, let's just say that he made it awfully clear that if I wish to return, it would have to be some other team since he could not risk losing the best Agent he's ever had."

Tony felt himself blush as he felt both embarrassment and secret happiness. "Oh..."

"And just between you and me..." Stan spoke, looking around them as if he was telling a big secret. "The wild dogs couldn't drag me back. I mean, don't get me wrong, I guess he's good at what he does and it's good to be known as someone who has survived working with him for so many years... But my health couldn't handle it anymore. And it didn't the last time. I'm serious. I wish I was joking."

Tony had a small smile on his lips. It was indeed a miracle he himself had never left sooner 'back then'. If not willingly, then because of his ailing health caused by Gibbs as his boss...

"And he actually calls you by your name. Not just DiNozzo, but your first name... It took two years before the old bastard even looked me in the eyes. Who does that? And three years before he called me by name. Four to get it right. I'm still wondering if he called me Steve on purpose..." Stan looked at the young man with a thoughtful look on his face. "Don't get me wrong, but I can't help but wonder what it is about you... He must really like you..."

Tony rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, sure..."

"Well... But it looks like it's time for you to get going. I hope we meet again." Stan held out his hand, which Tony took with a small smile.

"We just might."

Inside the plane, just before it took off, Gibbs looked at Tony. Wondering if the man was mad at him for talking to Ste— _Stan_. He still had trouble remembering the name...

Seeing the question in the sharp blue eyes, Tony grinned. "It's private," he said, just because he could. And he was still feeling slightly miffed that Gibbs spoke to Stan. Not much, but still...

Rolling his eyes, Gibbs looked away and started explaining to Kate how the plane would take off. As much as it for him was just repeating himself, Tony couldn't help feeling cheeky again as the plane took off and Gibbs yelled at him to see how Kate was doing.

"She's smiling, boss!" he yelled over the loud noise.

* * *

"Tony! I'm so glad you're back!" Abby jumped on Tony almost as soon as he got out of the elevator with the other two, early in the morning. He looked around confused, but his teammates shrugged. Or Kate did and Gibbs had that small amused smile on his lips.

"Of course I'm back... Why wouldn't I be?" He pulled free and the woman squirmed under his stare.

"I... I got told off by... Um... By Ducky..."

"Ducky? Why on earth would—?"

"And Gibbs, although I think he didn't really mean to... And Kate canceled our girls night out..."

Kate was confused. "But I told you I was too tired..."

"And then Stan called me..."

" _Stan_?" Now Tony was completely at loss where this conversation was going, if it was.

Abby squirmed even more. Now under the stare of all three agents. "I _may_ have started some rumors in here and... I swear I didn't mean to! I do miss Stan, I really do, but I don't want you to leave either, Tony. I swear! Please, believe me..!"

Tony sat down behind his desk. "Abby... What on earth are you talking about?"

Chewing her bottom lip and moving around on her dangerously high 'break a leg' boots, she finally stopped to look at them again. Taking a deep breath, she started talking. Fast. So it took a moment for them to understand what she was talking about.

"It seems that some people misunderstood some of the things I said, they panicked, and then those same people went to talk to other people, like the Director. One or two of them went even further and higher than that and... It all went back to Stan, who's been replying all morning to phone calls and questions about if he's going to return..."

The agents stared at her and then Tony started laughing. His laughter didn't stop even when Tom Morrow stormed out of his office, red-faced with anger. "Agent Gibbs! In my office! Now!"

Gibbs sighed, but obeyed, with a smirk on his face. Kate had a confused smile of her own and Abby... Abby didn't know how to be. She wanted to smile too, but she wasn't sure if she was allowed to.

"It's... It's fine, Abby... Get to work now. I'll come by later, okay?" Tony chuckled and Abby finally allowed a small grin on her face before she ran off. She was relieved that Tony wasn't upset, but worried that he would be.

Kate sat down, still smiling. "So... Does this finally prove to you that your place here is pretty secure?"

"Oh, leave it, Kate."

"Why? I don't know any other people who would get the whole place in chaos at the mere thought that you might be leaving."

Tony rolled his eyes, but he did feel a small happy feeling somewhere deep inside him. As much as he was trying to deny it even was there. "They're just afraid that with me gone they'll have to deal with Gibbs themselves. In two years they've become too spoiled when they've been able to come to me instead of the big scary boss."

"Whatever you say..." Kate chuckled and took out an apple. She saw the way he kept looking at it. "When was the last time you ate?" she asked suddenly, startling the man and she could almost swear she had seen him blush.

"At home..." he mumbled, but she noticed he had told where, not when. She didn't know that Gibbs had dragged Tony to his place straight from work and neither men had yet found the time to eat.

"You want one?" She took out a second apple.

Tony sighed, but before he could say no, Kate had already thrown the apple to him, which he catched out of reflex. "Thanks..."

Eating in silence, they kept glancing toward each other when the other wasn't looking.

Tony was wondering about this 'nice Kate' side, which he wasn't used to. Not to say she had been nasty and mean all the time in the 'dream', but most of the time they had been bickering and teasing each other and even most of the nice moments happened near 'the end'.

Kate was wondering a whole list of things and they all had something to do with DiNozzo. She was slowly starting to feel like she was part of the team, but there still seemed to be some invisible wall there that only let her as close to him as he allowed. And the profiler in her was confused when she wasn't able to read him either so that she could know how to break that wall. She saw him taking out his music player and then soon after he was humming along with it softly as he waited for his computer to start. She realized for the first time that she didn't even know such basic things as what were his favorite movies and music. Well... That had to change...

They both looked up when the elevator opened and two men stepped outside.

"Fornell... And FBI. Well, I did think what a good morning I was having," Tony muttered, putting away his music.

Fornell glanced around and not seeing Gibbs anywhere, he went straight toward Tony. "DiNutso. We need to talk."

Eating his apple calmly and with no hurry, Tony leaned back on his chair. "So. Talk."

"It's... Can we go somewhere bit more... private?"

"I don't know. Depends what this is all about. Give me a hint?"

Fornell held up his hand when the other Agent who was with him opened his mouth. "Voltolini."

The look on Tony's face went dark, but he finished eating the apple before saying anything. Fornell looked awfully impatient, but then he was being surprisingly patient as he waited.

"I'm sure there's a free room we can use... Kate, keep things rolling while I'm gone." Tony stood up and with the men following him, he disappeared toward the stairs. While he was at it, might as well make the FBI work for it...

By the time Gibbs returned, he looked annoyed. It had taken much longer than he thought it would before Tom finally believed he wasn't about to chase away yet another Agent. An Agent who the Director wanted to keep with them. Much to Gibbs's fury, the list of people and alphabets who were after _his_ Agent, kept only growing. The surprise name on the list however was one he had never even imagined to see there. _Fornell_... The two of them were going to be having a very long talk about that later...

"Where's DiNozzo?" he asked and something about the way Kate looked at him or rather _didn't_ , brought a strange feeling in his gut. "What is it, Kate?"

"The FBI... Fornell came here. They had something they needed to talk about so they went to find a room that's empty."

The feeling in his gut didn't get any better. "Any idea what it was about?"

"I'm not sure... But when Tony asked for a hint, Fornell said 'Voltolini' and then they left. About ten minutes ago and... Gibbs?" Kate stared as Gibbs stormed off before she had even finished speaking. With a sigh she glanced at the empty desks, wondering just how long it would take before she was allowed to know the team's secrets...


	42. Elf Lord

Taking the last few steps, Tony stopped and looked at the two older agents who were both gasping for their breaths. He didn't bother hiding the Cheshire smirk spreading on his face. Oh he had made the FBI work for this. Had made them work hard indeed... His habit of almost always using the stairs instead of the elevator had really paid off. Same couldn't be said about the other two.

"Come on. I don't have a whole day."

"You..." the other Agent started as they made it to him, but Fornell silenced the man with a shake of his head.

Leaning against the wall, Fornell took out a handkerchief to wipe off sweat from his face. "DiNutso... Could we stop the games? It is as you said, we don't have a whole day."

"Sure..." Tony shrugged and led them in an empty conference room. Once the men were sitting down, he made himself busy by doing whatever odd little tasks he could think of. "Anyone want some coffee?"

"DiNutso..."

"Oh. Wait for it... Wait for it..." The small smirk on Tony's face grew wider and wider as he was looking at the clock on the wall. Then they could hear the sound of someone running and suddenly the door flew open.

"Fornell!" Gibbs growled. He looked like someone who had just been running all over the Navy Yard, trying to locate them and had decided the elevator was too slow for him.

"What? I didn't call him," Tony said when Fornell shot an accusing glare toward him. "You were with me the whole time and not once did I speak to anyone about this..."

Fornell opened his mouth a few times, but in the end he just shook his head as he gave up. "You take one, you get them both..." he answered his companion's unspoken question. "I did try, but as you can see they both seem to be developing some sort of radar that goes off as soon as the other is in trouble or gone from some 'safe zone'... Whatever that may be."

Gibbs glared and sat down with Tony. "What is this? You take my Agent somewhere like this again and I'll—"

"So, let's get to the point," Tony interrupted swiftly, stopping his boss from saying something any normal person would later regret. Of course, Gibbs wasn't a normal person.

Fornel sighed heavily. He hated dealing with these two. Hard to tell which one was the most annoying one, although right now DiNutso was starting to win the golden medal. At least with Gibbs he usually knew what to expect. "Voltolini," he finally said and while Tony kept his cool, the look on Gibbs's face was still stormy. While he spoke his next words, Fornell wisely didn't look at Gibbs. "It would seem that you've gotten quite... close to him."

Gibbs was looking even angrier and Tony snorted. "Close? Although he might like to say otherwise, I assure you that we are anything but close."

"So you do know him?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "If you didn't know that already, you wouldn't have come to me in the first place."

Fornell frowned, feeling annoyed when he saw the small and annoyingly pleased half smile on Gibbs's face. Tony on the other hand was a firmly closed book. There was no way to read what he was really thinking or even what his current mood was. With these two men in question one was bad enough, but two of them together? It was asking for trouble, which was why he had tried to avoid this. "Our inside man told us that you are marrying his daughter. Is it true?"

"Oh, so the rumor is already spreading. You know what, boss? I bet the next time I go to sleep, I wake up at my wedding. Wouldn't surprise me if there was a gun involved, to get the 'I do' out of my mouth. Talk about a real shotgun wedding."

"Not gonna happen, DiNozzo. Not on my watch."

"You keep saying that, but we have no idea what the devil is up to next."

"Actually..." Fornell spoke with a loud voice, to get back their attention. "We want you to do it."

"Excuse me?" Tony stared.

"Don't even think about it, Tobias!" Gibbs growled out his disapproval at the same time and he seemed to almost grow in their eyes, reminding either one big grizzly papa bear, or a rabid dog. Hard to tell which one would be worst, since most people were only familiar with Gibbs the rabid dog.

Fornell ignored Gibbs. "DiNutso... The truth is that we've been trying to get this man and his people for several _decades_. However, whenever we think we are close, something ruins it. Either our undercover agents go missing or we find their body parts all over the country. What's worse is that the family is protected by who knows who. Many higher-ups would not take it kindly if they found out what we have been up to... The family or one of their allies can easily buy off the whole country if they so wish to do. You've been openly invited to be part of the family and there's no better chance than this. Something like this doesn't happen and yet it did."

"Don't you have your own people who could do the dirty work for you, or am I so expendable that my body parts and life don't matter?" Tony asked. Seeing the uncertain looks shared between the two FBI agents, he chuckled. "Oh. Let me guess. You've lost your contact with him? And let me guess... He has this hideous looking blond haircut. Tries to act like a gangster, but he couldn't really act to save his life and he calls himself Teddy. Although I assume that's just his cute little undercover nickname."

"You've met him?" Fornell looked surprised and Tony shared a look with Gibbs. Oh yeah. That was their guy. So the first guess—FBI—had been correct.

"It's been a while since we last saw him, but yes. And I must say... This Agent of yours is a loose cannon. He's one of them."

"What's that supposed to mean!?" the other FBI Agent finally exploded.

"Fred... Calm down..." Fornell muttered and the bigger man took few uneven angry breaths before he went back to simply trying to kill the NCIS agents with his eyes. "DiNutso... Would you please explain yourself?"

"Where should I begin? From the time he tried to kill us and when he murdered all those innocent people? Last I heard, at least one child died because of his actions. Or should I talk about the time he kidnapped us and took us straight in the slaughter house?" Staring at them for some time, Tony snorted. "Don't you even wonder why _after all this time_ , he hasn't been able to get even one evidence against that family? I was there you know. Gibbs was there. And even without digging out any dirt, what we saw was bad enough that you wouldn't even need any other proof to at least do something. And did it never seem strange to you how someone who is so bad at undercover work, hasn't gotten himself killed so far? Unless he wasn't acting. When exactly did you lose contact to him anyway?"

"Last year..." Fornell muttered with a deep frown.

"Ah. Who knows. Perhaps Voltolini finally had enough of his games. I mean I _might_ have slipped that the guy is FBI. But since he's been gone only since last year, I'd say I had nothing to do with it. Either Voltolini had enough of him or your man decided that the FBI was no longer worth his time."

"You son of..!" Fred stood up and had it not been both Fornell and Gibbs holding him back, he would've attacked the younger man.

Tony looked at him calmly. There was no way he'd ever forgive Teddy for what he did and whoever had allowed it to go on for so long. "I knew the FBI would have only covered up for him, to save your face or whatever. Wouldn't be the first time. It was the only way to make sure a criminal like him was punished and hopefully off the streets."

"Terence is not a criminal!" Fred raged, while Tony remained calm.

"So that's his name... Then ask yourself this: Why a guy who is not a criminal has no trouble watching those people murdering people in cold blood, doesn't bother to at the very least try to save the innocent, and instead seems far too comfortable in his shoes as the right hand mind for Voltolini and has _no_ trouble planting a bomb where innocent people and even children are? Before you go telling me about how that can't be the truth, I was there. _We_ were there."

Fornell paled. "A bomb?"

"I'm sure you've heard of it. It even was on the news for a while. You know, the one in Baltimore where half of this building was destroyed. Including my entire apartment."

Fornell looked at Gibbs who nodded. They all had seen the news. The one who was behind the bomb had never been found. In fact, what hadn't made in the news was that the only leads all went back to the FBI.

"But to get back to our original discussion... I have a feeling that if I were to agree, my life would never be the same. There is no way it would even work, I know that much. Voltolini already knows who I am. And my life is not for sale, never again. So you better find another way to deal with this. But if there is some other way I can help you, _then_ let me know. Now, if you'll excuse me... Voltolini is not the only bad guy out there." Tony left the room without a second glance, leaving the men in stunned silence for a while.

"Jethro..." Fornell spoke after they let go of Fred, who pretty much fell on his chair. Fornell and Gibbs walked to the other side of the room and lowered their voices.

"He going to be a problem to my Agent?"

Fornell glared, feeling annoyed. "He won't. I'll personally make sure of it."

"If you don't, I will. He so much as _looks_ at him the wrong way..." Gibbs glared back and between the two of them, there was no doubt who was the winner of that contest.

Shaking his head, after he ended up looking away, Fornell rubbed his forehead between his eyebrows. Why was it that almost each and every time he was around these two, it gave him a headache? "Look, Jethro... Terence was his long time partner, but I'll make sure he won't do anything... I need you to understand that I can't just go back with _this_. And on top of everything, with a claim that one of our own has turned bad... You know as well as I do how those high on the food chain don't like any dirt being made known."

"Not a claim, Tobias," Gibbs snarled.

"I know, I know... But you can't expect everyone else to just believe his word on this..."

"Our word. I was there too."

"Yes... But I at least need his written statement, for now. I'm pretty sure I will come back. You know how it goes... The boss barks and I must run back and play a good game or someone else will come and you know that others will not be this understanding."

They looked at the door when Tony returned with a bunch of files in his hands. Giving them to Fornell, Tony glanced at his boss.

"What are these?" Fornell started reading through the first paper, looking surprised the more he was reading.

"That's your copy of everything I know and have found out so far."

"When did you have time to do this..?"

"Tony likes to be prepared," Gibbs answered for Tony, sounding awfully smug and proud.

"'Tony'?" The last time he had seen these two men together, there had been bad atmosphere between them... Almost hostile even. Fornell narrowed his eyes as he looked _—really looked_ —at them. He wasn't sure what was going on, but he was surely going to bring this up next time they met outside the work... Perhaps while they were drinking something stronger than coffee...

"I'm sure there's mine too somewhere. In fact, Tony might know where..."

"It's with mine. I hope you don't mind, boss, but I had a copy ready for situations like this." Tony shrugged. Both of them were ignoring Fornell's ' _dying to know their deepest secrets_ ' looks. "Oh and, boss... We just got a call. Dead Marine. Sorry, Toby. Work calls."

Gibbs nodded and the two of them walked away without even looking at the FBI agents. One who was too full of anger, grief and denial to see anything past those feelings and Fornell who stood there staring after the closed door.

"So where's the crime scene?" Gibbs asked when they were standing in the elevator.

Tony didn't look at his boss. "I... ah... I made that up."

Gibbs slapped the back of Tony's head, only to turn it into a pat on the head, making Tony squirm uncertainly. It was much later when they had another case and by then they were both sick of working on cold cases. Kate included.

* * *

"No. Don't do anything... Just secure the scene and wait for us, Agent McGee," Tony spoke patiently. He was feeling nostalgic and while old feelings of deeply rooted hurt were still there, he couldn't wait to see the probie, for old times' sake if nothing else. To see the one who was so different from the one McGee turned out to be... While already at the point where he was so full of his 'education', he was at the same time so green and still unsure in certain situations. And Tony actually missed the Elf Lord. Even if he could never voice his true thoughts... Not that he would if he could.

After ending the call, Tony just sat there for a moment, barely even noticing what Kate or Gibbs were doing. While still deep in his thoughts, he stared at the coffee on boss's desk, seeing it falling down in his flashback of another time, another life... Remembering Kate's super nice behavior, to the point it almost creeped him out, Tony decided to pay it back. Standing up, he walked to the coffee and moved it for a bit. Looking up he noticed Gibbs staring at him. Only a moment later Kate with her backpack swinged it right over the place where the coffee had just been. The look on Gibbs's face was now almost comical and not one you'd expect to see on _his_ face. Not in a million years.

"Tony..." Gibbs started after he got over most of the shock, but Tony ignored it with a small self-satisfied smile on his face.

"Are we going now?"

Shaking his head, Gibbs followed his agents in the elevator. He kept glancing at the coffee in his hand and then at Tony who seemingly didn't even notice him staring.

"It was nothing, boss," Tony finally said, proving that indeed he had noticed the looks. "Don't worry about it too much. Just think of it as a 'gut feeling' if it helps. Okay?"

"I don't know, DiNozzo. I'm starting to think I might have to start keeping an eye on you and your actions..."

"Why? It can all be nothing. Like I said, could be just a gut feeling or I got lucky." Tony smirked. It was amusing, seeing the mighty Gibbs so genuinely baffled.

"What are you two talking about?" Kate spoke from behind them.

"Boss is curious how I saved his coffee."

"Saved his coffee..?"

"Yeah. Coffee. By the way, a friendly advice: Don't _ever_ knock over boss's coffee. Especially his morning coffee. Rule 23. Remember that one. It can save your life one day."

"What's rule 23?"

" _Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live,_ " Gibbs spoke, sounding annoyed, and took a sip of his coffee. For some reason his mood was getting worse now, even with the coffee.

"You heard the boss, Kate."

The little trip to the Norfolk was spent in silence and while usually in these days Tony had to force himself to not speak about all the movies and whatever else he could think of, for a change he wasn't even in the mood to talk. He was feeling anxious and still a little unsure how he was going to deal with seeing the 'green McGee' who was still like a puppy dog, so eager to please. The one who had just met him and hadn't yet found a 'reason' to feel superior. But it turned out he didn't even have to worry about it. The moment Tony saw McGee, he felt himself going into automatic setting, caused by his 'last memories' of the younger man. And he was doing nothing to stop it. Perhaps it was for the best...

Barely even focusing what Ducky and Gerald were doing with the dead body, it was like he was watching it all outside his body. At times like these, Tony really didn't care about revisiting his memories. Not that he couldn't handle remembering and seeing them. He just... didn't care. Or so he thought. It was only after McGee spoke that Tony realized he had once again taken the man away from the crime scene, just like 'last time'. Sarcastic part in him was wondering if he should have just left him there to deal with it, but the other part in him gave himself a mighty head slap. This probie wasn't yet the spoiled version.

"I don't know how you can deal with that kind of thing, Agent DiNozzo... The way it looks... That _smell_..." McGee removed his mask, still looking like he was going to puke.

To play it safe, Tony took a step back. " _He_. Not it. He."

McGee looked at him with genuine interest and shrugged. "Right..."

"You'll get used to it, McGee."

"I doubt that..."

"Well... Don't worry about it too much, Agent." Tony smiled tightly. Putting on a pair of sunglasses, he strolled back to the crime scene.

As the crime investigation moved forward, Tony played his part like the pro he was. Unless you knew him, you could in no way tell that he was being too professional. Too much like someone who was reading a script. Someone who could read it well, but was still just acting his part. It was only after Gibbs had given him several concerned glances that Tony put much more effort into his act and the old Marine relaxed and focused solving the crime.

One thing was sure... Gibbs with his morning coffee was _much_ nicer than the Gibbs who didn't have his morning coffee. And coffee or not, he really had no patience with McGee and his geek talk. Some things never changed...

And some did. At one point Tony had almost been expecting Kate to start her rant about how much more qualified she was for the job. So seeing just a flash of anger in her eyes, but not a word of complaint and simply doing what she was told to do, it had left Tony speechless. He repaid her good behavior by not mentioning anything about waxing this time.

"Agent Dinozzo..?" McGee hesitated. The two of them were now standing in front of the house and Tony stood there, frozen to the spot and holding a rock in his hand.

"You ever feel like repeating yourself gets really old, McGee?"

"Um... I don't know..? Maybe..?"

Dropping the rock, Tony made a face. He hadn't even been thinking about it as he had picked it up, just like he did 'last time'. "That's how I feel right now. Almost feels like I'm in the movie Groundhog day. So I think I'll rewrite that scene."

"Agent DiNozzo..? Uh... Sir..? What are you..?" McGee's eyes went wide as Tony ignored him and simply kicked the door wide open.

"See? It was already open."

McGee looked something of a mix between awe and horror. "Isn't that—?"

"Let's not make it a habit though. Are you coming?" Tony walked inside and after glancing around himself, McGee followed quickly.

It was only after the case was closed and McGee walked in the bullpen with his report that Tony finally knew how he was going to treat their future probie this time.

When he was walking the Agent to the elevator Tony decided to use at least this chance to leave the man speechless and so he spoke before McGee ever got a chance to drop the proverbial bomb. "So... You got a tattoo on your ass, huh? Way to go, Agent. I bet Abby will be proud. I hope it's a good one, so you won't end up regretting it someday." Tony smirked and walked away, leaving McGee staring after him with an open mouth.

"How did he know..?"


	43. Secret Agent Isaac The Bartender

He was sitting in a dark corner of the bar, which was his usual spot whenever he wanted to be left alone. Looking up he could see Isaac throwing worried glances his way every once in a while. He could tell how much his friend wanted to come and talk to him, but one of the reasons he chose this time of the night to be there was because he knew how busy the man would be with the other customers, barely even having time to sit down.

Taking a sip of some fancy drink, Tony dropped his gaze down to the picture on the table. "Well, Ziva... Let's hope you'll make your move soon rather than later... Can't get too comfortable in this life before you do... Can't stop looking over my shoulder." Taking out a ballpoint pen, he started drawing on the picture. A moustache, beard, pirate eyepatch and two angry eyebrows.

"Well that's not nice."

Pulling out his gun out of reflex, Tony sighed in relief when he saw no threat. For obvious reasons he almost never went anywhere without his weapon and at least couple of knives. He indeed couldn't stop looking over his shoulder, and not just because of Ziva. "You want to give me a heart attack..?" he muttered as he put the gun away. "I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be good for your business."

Isaac chuckled and sat down next to him. Nodding at the picture, he spoke again. "Who is she? Ex-girlfriend?" There was trace of humor in his voice.

Tony snorted. Anything but that... Maybe once upon a time he could have been foolish enough to fall for her tricks. Not likely, but maybe... And he was deep down just a man in need for some loving every once in a while, to keep his head in a working condition. Although with women came different kind of dangers and he couldn't really risk his heart anymore, so short not lasting relationships were much easier to deal with, even if in the long run they didn't really help him at all.

"Aren't you busy with work?" he asked instead of answering the question.

"The others will survive without me for a while. Did you really think you can avoid me by coming here during the busiest hour? You've developed a pattern. Don't think I haven't noticed it. Whenever you need something stronger to drink, but don't want company, that's when you show up. Isn't it a little too careless for someone like you?"

Shaking his head in amusement, Tony tapped at the picture with the pen. "She's your worst nightmare if you ever become intimate with her, or even if you allow her to _think_ there is something there. Actually, even if you make sure she knows you're not interested... Now that I think about it... There are no good reasons to get close to her. You ever see her? Run and never look back."

"Ah. The infamous Ziva David."

"The one and only." Taking another sip of his drink, Tony grimaced. "And pattern, you say..? I suppose I _have_ been a little too careless lately... Can't help it though, with all the excitement going on in my life in these days... But thanks for reminding me. Can't be too careful. Especially after the last little... mishap."

"You know I am always ready to listen if you feel the need to talk to someone," Isaac said and glanced up when one of the customers started causing trouble.

"I know you are. Whether I am willing to talk or not. I've said it many times before and I'm saying it again, Isaac. You have a dangerous skill there. I should be really worried whenever I spend my time around you. Especially if I can't remember anything the next day." Tony chuckled and finished his drink. "But I really need to get going now before my boss calls the FBI—or even worse, Abby—to track me down."

The look on Isaac's face turned serious. He didn't have the best image of the former Marine, all thanks to the many things he had heard from Tony when he was drunk and out of his mind. Didn't happen often, but when it did it wasn't good. "Why would he do that? You're still working at this hour, again?"

"Of course not. Not with the alcohol I've been drinking. He... I've been staying at his place for a while now."

The older man stared at him as if he had lost his mind. Tony rolled his eyes. He really didn't need to hear it to know what was on Isaac's mind.

"I know. _I know_... There's just this stuff that's been happening lately... And before you ask, it really is better if you know nothing about it. Especially since even the FBI hounds have sniffed out my involvement. They would love nothing more than to use me for their little games and if it comes down to it, sacrifice me 'for the better good'. Been there, done it. Too many times and it never ends well."

"I hope you won't let it happen."

"Nah. I'm done being used." Getting up, Tony staggered for a moment. Had he really had that much to drink..?

"Whoa, kid, I hope you didn't come here with your car. I'm not going to let you drive."

"I'm good... And no, I'm not here with a car. You don't have to worry about me. I'll see you later." Leaving the bar and on his way out Tony put an end to the fight between the trouble maker and another man before it could turn into a bloody fist fight. Thankfully it wasn't anything too serious.

Shaking his head, Isaac stood up. He wished there was something he could do to help. Although Tony hadn't really told him anything, he could tell his young friend was under a great deal of stress. Maybe too much stress. While Tony seemed to be doing better and better with all that was happening inside his head, at the same time it also seemed like each time he saw him, Tony looked just a little bit more stressed out. Well, to say that he 'looked' like it, would not be telling the truth, but Isaac was somehow still able to notice it. It was just one of those things you knew without having to see it with your own eyes when you've become close to someone.

As he was returning to his work, Isaac stopped suddenly. Although he had barely seen the picture, he was pretty sure he wasn't just seeing things. There, in the corner and talking to someone, sat a young woman. With sharp and calculating eyes she noticed she was being looked at and Isaac moved his eyes away and acted as if he hadn't just stared at her.

"I'm taking a break," he announced to his closest employee, bringing a look of pure desperation on her face. It was one of the busiest nights of the year and they needed every hand available.

Disappearing in one of their backrooms, Isaac made sure the door was locked as he slipped inside another room. In there he had small TV screens, showing the security feed in the bar and outside it. Before he got to know Tony, he only had two cameras and one screen for them both. One in the bar and one just outside close to the door. After being told all manner of tales from the crimes the young man had seen and heard of during his career, he soon found himself getting a few more. Turned out it had now finally paid off.

As he was preparing to make a copy of what he had so far, Isaac observed the young woman, wondering about all the carefully chosen stories he'd been told. And then wondering about all the things he _hadn't_ been told, but could read between the lines well enough to imagine the worst possible things. It was probably why he froze, and his imagination went wild and scary, when someone knocked at the door.

"Boss? You in there? We're out of lemon." It was the voice of one of the youngest kids working for him.

Isaac relaxed and grinned, feeling stupid for letting his imagination take over his mind like that. "Tell Christine to take the car and get some from my mother. She always has extra supplies ready for me."

"Got it, boss."

Sitting in the silence for a time that felt like forever, Isaac finally saw both the woman and her companion leave the bar. Reaching over, he finished copying the security feeds with her and the man on it. Chuckling, he wondered just how had he gotten so lucky for that woman to step into _his_ bar of all bars in D.C.

"Well, son... Seems I may be able to finally have a proper reason to pay you a little visit... Maybe I'll also get a chance to take a look at this boss of yours..."

* * *

By the time Isaac had finished making the copy, Tony had barely been home _—_ Gibbs's home—for forty minutes since leaving the bar and as usual he had managed to avoid the old man. There hadn't been exactly any bad blood between them anymore, compared to how it was before, and while things had been relatively okay and at work they could even joke with each other on a very good day, but at home things just became too awkward and complicated.

Although they had been living under the same roof for some time now, they rarely saw each other in the house. Gibbs always disappeared in the basement and _he_ mostly came in this place to only sleep and use the shower. It was funny almost, since it had been Gibbs who hadn't really given any options and who wanted to have his Agent where he could make sure the Voltolini people or FBI couldn't just kidnap him. Fornell had promised to not let it happen, but while they did trust his word, they couldn't be so sure about that Fred guy. Tony knew he himself was partly at fault, but he couldn't help but wonder why after all of those attempts to get him to come in the house, Gibbs suddenly shut him out and instead disappeared in the basement. Was the man being simply cautious and trying to give him the space he thought he needed or was it something else?

When his phone started ringing, Tony glanced at the name on the screen and was surprised to see that it was Isaac. Remembering the fight at the bar, he felt sudden fear. Maybe something went wrong after he left... Why had he left so soon? He should've stayed there or done something more or... done _something_. "Isaac?" he answered the phone, making sure his voice was calm and didn't waver.

_"Hey, kid! Hope I didn't wake you..."_

Glancing at the time, Tony was surprised to see just how late it was. Was it really already way past the midnight? Where had the time gone..? "Nah... I was too busy thinking."

_"Listen, this won't take long. I have something for you. I need to know where to bring it and then I'll be back to work for a few more hours."_

Tony sat up on bed, where he had been trying to get some sleep. Usually whatever Isaac had for him was always worth it. "What is it?"

_"It has something to do with the... Er... Moustache woman."_

It took a second and half for Tony to realize what the man was talking about and then he was fully alert and stood up. With his other hand holding the phone, he tried pulling on his jeans with his one free hand. "What are you talking about? Isaac... Are you alright? If you're not then say—"

_"Relax, son... Everything's fine. I just have a little something for you. Figured you might want it. I know I'm in the right area, but I don't know the exact address..."_

"Alright... I'll give you the address and wait outside."

Ending the call after giving the address, Tony hurried downstairs. While still pushing his other foot in the other pant leg, half way down the stairs he tripped and stumbled down rest of the way. Almost as soon as he landed on the floor, he heard something crash in the basement and a moment later he heard Gibbs almost fly upstairs.

"Tony! What happened?" Gibbs kneeled down next to the young man who now had lost his jeans completely. They were still halfway on the stairs.

"I'm fine!" Tony flushed red and getting his jeans, he put them on and winced slightly at the nasty little pain in his hip. He'd have one big bruise there by tomorrow. Lucky him, this time he hadn't managed to crack his skull open. Thank God for small mercies...

"You need help?" Gibbs looked so unsure of himself that it was just so... So not Gibbs. If Abby saw the man now, she'd be freaking out. After all, Gibbs _always_ knew what to do.

"I'm fine, boss... You and I however need to have a little talk later... But first, I have a friend to meet."

"At 2 AM?" Gibbs looked suspicious and then there was that strange sharp stab of jealousy. Sure, maybe he had been kind of avoiding DiNozzo at home, but he felt oddly irritated at the thought of having to share DiNozzo and their rare time together outside the work. He didn't know why he felt this way and why he again felt the sudden need to escape in the basement. Maybe it had something to do with the feelings of uncertainty after dreaming about his girls lately. Dreaming of Kelly. Gibbs was confused and right now it was the only feeling he was willing to acknowledge.

Tony snorted. "What? Are you my mother now..? Forget I said that. I'm still a bit drunk and I'm really tired."

"Drunk?" Gibbs frowned, wondering when he had managed to do that. Then again, he had learned early on that DiNozzo could sneak out and back in the house without him ever noticing it, which made the reason Tony was staying at his place useless...

"Yes. Drunk. It's not a school night and last time I checked, I'm old enough. Go get some rest. I'm fine. I'll meet my friend and then go back to sleep."

Instead of going anywhere, Gibbs followed the young man like a shadow—uncertain shadow—suddenly worrying if this so called friend was something else. When had he become such a coward? For all he knew, his Agent could have taken matters into his own hands.

Voltolini. Gibbs would never forget the look on the man's face whenever he looked at Tony... Like someone with plenty of money and power, someone who was used to getting what he wanted. And for some unknown reason the man seemed to be fixated on his Agent. His— Nevermind. He wasn't going to go in _there_... He still remembered the last time he had used 'the word' in Tony's presence. Called him son of all things without thinking and it hadn't ended too well...

"I didn't ask you to join me, boss." Tony sighed, when Gibbs stepped quickly outside before he could close the door to his face. Tony knew full well from that stubborn set of his jaw that his boss wasn't going anywhere. Whatever the old man would have said to him was yesterday's trouble, since that's when Isaac's car stopped in front of the house.

Gibbs narrowed his eyes as he studied the man who opened the car door. He had a dark complexion and judging by the wrinkles on his face, he spent most of his time laughing or smiling. Something about the man just ticked Gibbs off the wrong way.

"Son. You look even worse than before," Isaac stated as soon as he stepped out. "After this you better get some real sleep."

It was obvious to Gibbs that Tony didn't even react when he had been called son by this man. By this _stranger_. And it was spoken casually, as if it was a word that was being used very often. Gibbs gritted his teeth. Yep. He didn't like the man. He glared at them both when Tony glanced around the street and then pulled both older men inside the house.

Looking at Gibbs with a suspicious look, Isaac gave Tony the copy that he made. The two of them shared a look that spoke of secrets and Gibbs would've have to be blind to not have noticed it.

"Thanks, Isaac... I owe you one."

"What's that?" Gibbs finally asked when no explanation came.

"It's a movie. You wouldn't like it, boss."

Gibbs scowled. "And why is that?"

"Chick flick. And before you ask, the answer is no. I'm not going to watch it alone." Tony grinned, shrugging. Sensing the heavy atmosphere between the two men, he cleared his throat. "Oh, I almost forgot... Gibbs. This is Isaac, one of my dearest friends. Isaac. This is Gibbs, my boss."

Isaac who was rarely seen without a smile of some kind, even if it was only his eyes that were smiling, he now had the ugliest look on his face when he looked at the other man. Gibbs, not one to lose, glared back. You could almost see the charged air and evil energy around them. The saying ' _if looks could kill_ ' didn't suddenly sound all that impossible.

For a moment the youngest of the three men gaped, not believing his eyes. If he had been more sober and not so tired, he would have found this situation almost hilarious. Now however he felt suddenly like he was the only adult in the room. "You've got to be kidding me... I'm too tired for this now." Tony held up his hands in surrender and backed away. "I'm out of here to get some fresh air, to clear my head. You guys do whatever you want. I don't even care anymore. If this is some sort of pissing contest, which I know nothing about, then please go ahead. There's perfectly good sized backyard there. Don't bite and bark too much. Wouldn't want to wake up the neighbors."

Grabbing his cellphone and keys with him, Tony slammed the door close and left, leaving the two men stare after him.

The men stood there for a few more minutes without saying a word and just wasting their time. Then, with looks of pure distaste, they finally shook hands.

"Jethro Gibbs..."

"Isaac... Just Isaac."


	44. The White Whale

At first Tony was going to the Navy Yard, but then half way there he changed his mind and decided to go to his own place instead. It was only when he was almost home and starting to be sober enough to think clearly, that he was wondering why he had decided to walk. Especially if someone truly was after him. He might have as well walked around with big and flashing red arrow pointing at him. He felt foolish, but hopefully it was the only consequence he had to deal with.

Once he was finally stepping inside his apartment, rather than wanting to see what was on the CD, he felt sleep pulling him. But as inviting and like a magnet the bed behind the closed door was, he forced his tired feet to take him in the smallest bedroom of the two, which he had turned into his home office. Between the actual work and his personal work, it had become increasingly useful.

Sitting behind the cluttered desk, Tony pushed aside the papers covering his laptop and grimaced seeing how close he'd been knocking over his half full cup of coffee, right over the papers he could not afford to ruin. He didn't even want to remember how long the coffee had been sitting there, but judging by the white layer of _something_ forming on top of the thick black liquid, it was too long. Using his fingerprint to gain access to his laptop, he hummed along with the start-up sound and automatically took the coffee cup in his hands, hoping that coffee would wake him up more. He froze just as his lips touched the cold cup and he stood up with a shudder. He needed some _fresh_ coffee first, before he did do something he would regret, which could maybe even put him in a hospital... Since it was him, anything was possible.

With fresh and hot coffee, Tony felt much more awake and alert again and so he spent the first early morning hours going through the security feeds, which Isaac in his blessed wisdom got for him. What were the odds? Isaac's bar—as good as it was—and she chose that one... " _'Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine'..._ "

Printing out the best picture he could from the mystery man who had been in the bar with Ziva, Tony put it on the wall and just stared at it for some time. It had all started with one picture and now the walls in the room were looking even more cluttered than the desk. It started with the picture of Ziva, which he had put on the wall right above the desk as some sort of reminder and motivator for himself. He was so close, he could feel it in his bones. It made him both anxious and excited.

"You can hide, but not for long..."

Standing up, he started pacing in the room, while the program in his laptop was doing the magic of hopefully finding out who the man was. He didn't take his eyes off the picture. After a while he finally stopped as a flashback hit him, like a head slap.

* * *

**_\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -_ **

_Gibbs stood in the bullpen and stared at the picture of the man whose name he would learn only much later. There was intense look on his face and he clenched his teeth together as yet again he remembered how the man who had fooled them—fooled_ him _—got away with that smug attitude of his... Even the sound of the elevator didn't make Gibbs lose his focus._

_Tony stepped in the bullpen and then he stopped, seeing the boss standing there and with his finger tapping restlessly against the huge mug of coffee he was holding._

_"Boss?" When he didn't get any answer, Tony looked at the time. 1 AM. What was Gibbs doing here so late? Or was it early? Sure, he himself had come back to do some paperwork, but that was beside the point, which was what_ was _Gibbs doing? "Boss?" he called out again. Walking closer, Tony looked at the picture and then he almost flinched when he realized what was going on. "Boss..."_

_Gibbs finally noticed his Agent, but his mind was clearly still elsewhere. "Go home. It's too late to be at work."_

_Ignoring the order to go home, Tony took off his jacket and then started working on his paperwork. "_ _You know that staring at it won't make any difference, right?"  
_

_Gibbs didn't answer and instead kept his eyes on the picture. It was obsessive for sure, but at least he wasn't out there running after the man on his own. For now._

_Tony hoped the old man would trust him enough to let his Second know what was going on in that head of his..._

* * *

Slumping down on the chair, Tony groaned. "She's my Ari... I'm turning into Gibbs..." It figured that his version of the 'great white whale' would be a woman... Someone, somewhere, out there must be laughing at him right now. Standing up, he reached toward the picture to tear it down, but he found himself hesitating a moment too long before finally doing it. It was then that Gibbs finally called him. He almost glared at the phone before answering the call. "Yeah?"

_"Where are you? You're not at work."_ The old man sounded almost anxious.

"So, who won?"

_"What?"_

"The pissing contest."

There was a long silence after that and for a moment Tony could almost swear he felt the man's embarrassment through the phone. He was pretty sure that for a moment even the phone felt warmer in his hand.

When Gibbs spoke again, he sounded much more like himself again. _"Where are you?"_

"Just doing some stuff... Will be back soon."

_"DiNozzo..."_

"I won't be gone for long. I'll see you at home." Tony hung up. "Mother," he added with a small grin tugging at the corners of his lips. Casting one last look toward Ziva's face on his desk, he pushed it in the trashcan under the desk. Feeling irritated, he closed the laptop. He really didn't fancy the idea of turning into his bastard boss, as much as he did care about him. Once upon a _long_ time ago he would've maybe been thrilled by that... But now...

His phone was ringing again and he rolled his eyes, seeing that it was Gibbs again. "What?"

_"You got any beer left at your place?"_

He didn't even bother figuring out how the man had found out where he was. "A few... Why?"

_"Bring them with you."_ And Gibbs hung up on him.

"Always have to have the last word..." Tony shook his head almost fondly.

* * *

Stepping out of the cab, Tony balanced the five bottles of beer in his arms as he reached over to open the front door when he thought he heard something. Like the kind of sound when someone brushes a hand over a fabric. Already on edge, he turned around sharply and scanned the area under the street lights. Nothing seemed to be wrong and maybe he was just being paranoid, but he couldn't just let it be... 'Never assume'.

Putting down the bottles next to the door, he didn't hesitate to move toward where he thought he'd heard it. Almost thinking he'd just imagined the importance of the sound, he saw it. A dark shadow moving close to the backdoor. His hand went to where he usually kept his gun, only to remember he had left it in the guest room. Mentally head slapping himself, Tony was about to change his plan when the shadow froze and turned around.

"Why are you always where you should not be, Agent?"

"I guess it's my famous luck, Ziva," Tony answered dryly and keeping most of his focus at the weapon in her hand. As he'd hoped, he clearly startled her.

The woman stepped out of the shadows, both annoyed and confused look on her face. "Do I know you?"

Seeing her like this brought back so many painful memories in his mind, but as he had learned to do in most cases, he pushed those images away for later observation. With a charming grin, Tony shrugged. "No, but I know everything about you, miss Mossad."

Ziva's eyes narrowed dangerously and while Tony knew he had just put himself in even worse position by revealing he was now for sure a potential threat, he regretted nothing. This was a gamble. Of course, with Ziva everything was a gamble, but this time he chose to enter the game willingly. If he lived through this, then with some luck maybe she'd keep a low profile for a while, which was a time he'd need to be more prepared next time.

The tension in the air was so thick you could almost cut it with the dagger she was holding. Before either of the two had time to think about their next move, they heard the front door opening and Gibbs's voice coming from the other side of the house. "Tony?"

Taking the chance, Tony jumped forward, barely seeing the flash of dagger flying behind him, a mere few inches from actually hitting him. The two of them fell on the ground in a heap of swearing and angry wrestling. While Tony was stronger, she had other kind of tricks in her sleeve. His advance was knowing most of them, but since she wasn't exactly playing it fair and the sound of someone running closer distracted him for a mere second, he let out a sharp intake of breath as something sharp pierced his left arm.

From when Gibbs stepped outside to when Tony's focus finally came back, only a few seconds had passed, but it was still enough. Ziva had disappeared again. Tony stood up slowly and as he looked at his bleeding arm, he made a face. It was his own belt knife. How embarrassing. Pulling it out, he was glad to notice it had looked worse than what it was.

"What happened?!" Gibbs growled, more worried than angry, but you couldn't see the difference unless you knew the man well.

"Had a little wrestling match with someone... While normally the idea of that with a woman sounds hot, I'd rather not have this memory..." The image of Ziva actually finding _this_ knife of all things, made Tony shudder and he resisted the instinct to cross his legs and cover his groin area with his hands. Just _one_ wrong move and... No future DiNozzos.

After throwing few angry glances around, Gibbs dragged Tony inside and took care of the wound, which was more painful than serious. He didn't even seem to care that the blood was ruining his couch. "DiNozzo. Talk."

"Someone was spying on you. I think she was even going to get inside the house, but I ruined the plan so she took it out on me."

"She?"

"Yeah. I saw her well enough to know it was a woman."

"You would be able to identify her?"

_You have no idea_... "I think so."

After the wound was taken care of, Gibbs stared at Tony, obviously trying to read something from his face, so Tony kept his face as normal as he could. "You're okay? She didn't hurt you anywhere else?"

"Just my pride. I got my ass kicked by a girl."

Gibbs cracked a smile before turning serious again. "You'll... tell me if it's something serious..?"

Tony hesitated. "It's... complicated... Let me sleep on it..?"

"It's morning."

"You know what I mean..."

Gibbs nodded and glanced at the bottles of beer he'd brought inside. "I've got cowboy steaks..."

Tony stared and then he looked at the time. "At—wow—almost 7 AM in the morning? Really, Gibbs?"

Gibbs shrugged and Tony grinned. Well, normal wasn't their style anyway. "Fine... And then we'll talk..."

"We will..."

"And, boss... I still want to know who won."

Gibbs narrowed his eyes, but he didn't say anything.

Outside, where the dagger had been, a hand of the owner silently took it back.

She had to somehow make sure this DiNozzo wouldn't be ruining any of her plans again. Father was already not happy with her and thinking that someone else should have been given this task... But this was her chance to prove that she was more than just a killing machine. However, now that DiNozzo seemed to know her, he could be warning Agent Gibbs and it would ruin everything. Perhaps it was time to forget Gibbs for a while and study his young Agent instead... After all, _his_ personal information should be _much_ easier to get...


	45. Rusty Blades And Some Truths

"I've been taking sniper lessons."

The piece of meat Gibbs was about to eat was forgotten as he stared at Tony, but the dead serious look on the other man's face told that he wasn't joking. "What..?"

Poking at his steak with a knife, Tony shrugged. "For a while now..."

Gibbs wasn't sure what to say. He was feeling disappointed, because Tony hadn't come to _him_. He did know that his boss was a sniper, right..?

Sensing the question, rather than seeing or hearing it, Tony answered. "I didn't think I should come to you. There was way too many trust issues... And when I decided to tell you about it, you come and tell me that you knew about my crazy dream... So I kind of lost my will to tell about it then..."

"Tony..."

"We've already been there though, so let's leave it for now. You know... Eugene is a good teacher, when he's not trying to kill you with his love for the weapons and explosives... He kicks your ass like you're in the army or something... But he's good and one of the very best." Tony swallowed hard and now it was Gibbs who was poking at his own steak. Tony glanced at his boss and saw the disappointment he had tried to not look at. "But he's not you, boss... You could... show me a few tricks sometime..?"

Gibbs looked up with a surprised look on his face, and maybe just a little bit hopeful, but Tony was afraid he had grossed a line when Gibbs just kept staring at him. He was about to take back his words, or turn it into a joke or something, when Gibbs's smiled. "Yeah. I'd like that... Want to see how good you are..."

Tony grinned almost proudly. "I haven't shot myself again."

Gibbs froze. "Again?"

"My very first lesson with Eugene. I did so good that I got too sure of myself and before I know it he's yelling at me something and I end up shooting myself in the foot. Haven't made that mistake again."

"The 'hunting date' incident..."

"Yeah. That one."

"You know you could've just told me the truth, DiNozzo. Way better excuse than getting hurt on a date... I never really bought it anyway. You don't seem the type to go out with women who love to go hunting on their date..."

"I know. Just wasn't at that point ready to tell you... And for the record I _have_ dated a woman like that before. Although it didn't last for very long. We didn't need both of us wearing the pants _and_ carrying a gun... It brought _way_ too many issues. Even if the fights were kind of hot when we made up."

"Been there myself before." Gibbs nodded and both men shuddered. It just didn't work. Not for a long time anyway.

The silence took over again as the men finished eating. It was 8 AM and neither man had slept all night. For a change it had nothing to do with work.

Gibbs finally broke the silence. "That woman who attacked you... She's someone you know?"

"We... have a 'history'. In a dream." Tony chuckled. Was there any good or even better way to say it? It sounded so stupid even in his own ears. "I don't know if I'm finally getting used to this insanity or if I'm finally losing it..."

"If you do, I'll just whack the sanity back in your head," Gibbs promised with a grin.

"Great..."

"So what kind of 'history'? I bet _Isaac_ knows all about it?" Gibbs sounded bitter and Tony cast a look at him with raised eyebrows. He took out a folded paper from his pocket and gave it to Gibbs.

"Ignore the drawings on it..."

Gibbs stared at the picture of Ziva, which Tony had drawn on in the bar. "She did something to you..?"

"This... is Ziva David. The woman who attacked me and the woman from my dreams... It's not as nice as it sounds." Tony chuckled humorlessly and watched as Gibbs studied the picture with a deep frown on his face.

"You can keep it. Just don't let anyone else see it... She might come forward and try to be 'friends' with you or kill you. Hard to tell at this point... Maybe even use some big sob story to try to get close to you... Try to pull your heartstrings. Pull out her 'daddy' card... I want you to be prepared."

"Who is she..?"

Tony wondered about that for a moment. How much should he tell? "She's from Mossad..."

Gibbs looked up sharply, but Tony shook his head. They wouldn't be talking about this anymore, when his mind wasn't at the sharpest. It was time to change the subject. "You still haven't told me... Who won the contest? You or Isaac?"

"There was no contest," Gibbs mumbled and Tony flashed a knowing smile. Ah. So Isaac won... No surprise there. The man was used to dealing with bastards even worse than Gibbs and that was saying something.

* * *

_**\- FLASHBACK -** _

_The two men stood there, still glaring at each other. The Marine and the bartender. Bit odd pair if you really started to think about it, but right now neither of those two titles mattered. While Gibbs was unaware or in denial about the real nature of the situation, Isaac was very much aware. They were two alpha males who had both in a way adopted the young man. And neither was willing to share or back off._

_"So_ you're _the infamous Gibbs the boss," Isaac finally said, not at all impressed by the man. Not after nursing back Tony's spirit so many times since they met. And all those times he had been listening to those drunken confessions about this Gibbs and the dream version of him. The man standing here now was a lucky bastard that they were not in that dream or he would have punched his face in the moment he could.  
_

_Gibbs snorted. He had a faint memory of having heard the name from Tony's mouth before. "_ _Funny._ _I've never heard of you. So you're a_ friend _of his?" For some reason he felt the need to add emphasis to the 'friend'.  
_

_"Sure. A friend... A caretaker... Shrink... Whatever title suits best in any given moment." Isaac's sardonic smile was so different from his usual warm and happy smiles._

_"DiNozzo is a grown man. He doesn't need to be looked after." Gibbs held back his growl. He himself found more often than not his parental feelings raise in him whenever Tony so much as had a paper cut. Not that he normally let it show of course..._

_Isaac chuckled._ _"'DiNozzo'? Well,_ Tony _and I have become quite close. Close enough to be sharing secrets. I'd say that what I know about the kid so far, he sure does need someone to look after him."_

_"If it comes to that, I'll be sure to watch his six," Gibbs grumbled._

_"Sure... I guess that's why he so often shows up at the bar injured."_

_"Getting injured happens in our line of work."_ Bar? _Gibbs had barely started wondering and worrying if Tony might be having a drinking problem, when Isaac scoffed._

_"He doesn't have a problem with alcohol. I own the bar so it's only logical for him to spend his time in there when he needs some friendly company."_

_Gibbs glared and although he was relieved, that still didn't mean he liked or even trusted this man. Even his gut was trying to tell him something, but he didn't know how to read it, which was unusual. Or it could be his denial at work again.  
_

_"Let's be honest with each other, Agent... You don't like me and I don't like you. However, for the sake of that young man who for some reason cares about you, we should remain civil while in his presence. But know that If you break his heart again, I'll come after you with a rusty blade."_

_Gibbs felt again that nasty feeling of jealousy, mixed with anger. "He told you about his dreams?"_

_"Sure. Why wouldn't he? For some reason he trusts me and I will not break that trust. I will take any of his secrets with me down to the grave."_

_"I know how to handle my own Agent." Honestly, Gibbs was still learning, but Isaac didn't have to know it.  
_

_"Right..." Isaac snorted and giving one last look, he turned around to leave. Before he reached the front door, he turned around one last time. "Mark my word, Agent. I_ will _find the rustiest blade I can find and come after you if you harm him."_

* * *

"You're close with everyone else but me?" Gibbs had to know. The thought bothered him. At some point he had slipped the picture in his own pocket. When he had the time, he would try to find out more.

Tony stared at him. Just what had the two men talked about..? "Boss... Whatever it is..."

"You talk to him... Isaac..."

Staring at the beer bottle in his hands, Tony took a swig before putting it down. "I needed someone to talk to. Someone who wouldn't be part of our world. Since becoming a cop, I haven't had a lot of those. People who don't live in our world. And I think that's one of those things I've been missing in both this and the other life, a balance of some kind. A link between the work and 'normal' world. Dating doesn't count, because most of those women come and go and there's usually not much talking involved." Tony grinned and didn't mention how most of those stories about his wild dating habits going around were only rumors. As if he had time to even meet all those women, both now and 'then'.

"All my frat brothers—as close as I still am with some of them—I rarely have time to see them anymore, and they too have their own lives most of those times when I do find that time. So when I met Isaac, things just sort of clicked... He both lives and works close to me and he's just what I needed..." Someone who hadn't broken his trust yet _..._ He wasn't going to say that to Gibbs though. "Someone who is just a normal guy. While Isaac can make you sometimes question just how 'normal' he really is, he has a big heart. He helps me forget when I need to forget and he doesn't force me to talk... And mostly I only talk about my 'secrets' when I've had too much to drink anyway... And even then I don't tell him _everything_... But I much rather talk to him than to some shrink..."

_Still more than you talk to me_... Gibbs thought bitterly.

"And, boss... It was _your_ idea for me to be staying here and you know how much I've been avoiding doing it. It's your house I'm living in right now, not Isaac's. So stop hiding in the basement and talk to me if something bothers you. I can always go back to my own place. You claim that I don't talk, but it's you who doesn't want to listen... Not really... As usual, your words and your actions don't walk hand in hand."

Gibbs sighed and he stood up. "I'll go put some more coffee on."

"Boss..."

"And if you're not too tired, we'll put our day off to good use... If you think this... Eugene? If you think _he's_ a tough teacher, you have seen nothing yet." Gibbs had a lopsided smile on his face.

When the man was gone in the kitchen, Tony made a face. What was he thinking? Letting _Gibbs_ teach him..? The man who had no problem making Kate shoot her PDA and his beloved hat, which was so wrong... He had finished making a quick mental check up to make sure he didn't have anything with him that he couldn't bear to lose, when Gibbs walked back with two cups of coffee.

"Drink up." Gibbs handed Tony his coffee and while drinking, the young man nearly spat out the hot liquid, seeing what else Gibbs was holding.

"Where did you..? That's the first edition..! Do you have _any_ idea how rare it is?!"

Gibbs smirked and took a sip of his coffee. He _knew_ it would pay back to buy the stupid movie... Although it was supposed to be a gift to his Agent and not be used this way... "Don't worry, DiNozzo. I won't make you shoot at it... The question is, can you shoot at the target, without hitting this?"

"Boss..." Tony almost whined, staring at the treasured DVD with wide eyes. He automatically started thinking about the possibilities of missing the target and... What if there was sudden strong wind? Or anything else he hadn't been prepared for?

"Don't worry. If you can save it from the damage, it's yours to keep..."


	46. When He Dreams

Gibbs stood in his basement and stared at the old photograph he was holding. Although he had promised Tony to not keep escaping and hiding down in the basement while the young man was staying with him, he still found himself occasionally doing just that and not even working on his boat, but just staring at the picture of his girls. And talking, either out loud or just inside his head.

With the inner battle going on whenever work wasn't occupying his mind, part of him was perhaps hoping for some sign, which he knew would never be there. Anything that would take away the constant guilt that was eating him. And lately it had been even worse. Didn't help that he was enjoying being able to teach Tony what he knew about being a sniper. Not that being a sniper was something he wished for Tony to ever consider doing for his living, but it was a good excuse for perhaps both of them to spend more time together outside work.

And he still hadn't found out the real reason for the need to learn such skills, but Gibbs was hoping for enough trust to form between the two of them so that Tony would tell him. He didn't buy the explanation of ' _hearing stories about the sniper you made me want to try this_ '.

"You know I'm no good with these things, Shannon... You were always the one who could talk about feelings and even understand them much better than I ever could... You were so much better with the big words..."

Looking up as if to make sure no one was standing there and listening, Gibbs sighed. _Was_ he betraying their memory? Did he have a right to feel this way? With his ex-wives he had never felt this way. Even with Abby, who was as close to a daughter as anyone could be to him, he had never felt this amount of guilt and even shame. With Tony, he... He felt the same way he had felt toward his girls. It was almost like they were equals, but it didn't make sense. Since when had his strange obsession—which even he could still not really explain—turned into a relationship that was an odd mix of a friendship and almost hate on Tony's part, and from that to this strange longing a father would feel toward a son who kept pushing him away.

"Maybe I should talk to Ducky about this. But then he'd never forget it and would go way too deep... Not sure I'm ready to even want to understand all the deep meanings of life... That again was your part in our relationship... I was the stubborn mule who didn't care too much talking about the deep and meaningful things... And you had the perfect answer for every situation I didn't have... You were my perfect partner and wife... My better half... That's what you were..."

"Boss. It's 3 AM. Get some sleep. Don't need you to be a bastard toward me and Kate at the shooting range tomorrow... Or should I say today?"

Gibbs almost jumped when he heard the sudden voice speaking at the stairs. _Almost_. Only his Marine training helped him keep his 'cool Marine boss' act in front of the former Detective, who could be just as bad as him when it came to sneaking around without anyone noticing before it was too late. Hiding away the picture, he turned around to see Tony staring at him. With his bit too long hair at every odd angle, he looked like he just woke up.

"So what are you doing up then?" Gibbs answered with a challenging tone and he wondered how much the man had heard him talking to 'himself'.

Tony shrugged, rubbing his eyes tiredly and yawned. "Bathroom. Heard some noise and figured either the ninja was back or you're down here again..." Ignoring the glare and obvious desire to be left alone, Tony made his way down rest of the way and glanced around, obviously looking around for that someone Gibbs had been talking to. Not seeing anyone, a knowing look crossed his face. "Oh... Sorry, boss... I'll just... You... Ah... Want to be alone?"

"You think?" Gibbs growled and only a second later he regretted his harsh tone. Especially when he saw the way those green eyes became darker for a split second. An old dog doesn't learn the new tricks that easily and some never did. And for an old dog like Jethro Gibbs the fact that he was willing to even try was a big deal.

Tony simply nodded and slowly returned to the stairs backwards. "Yeah... I could tell you were kind of in the middle of... something. Just didn't realize that... I'm sorry. Carry on."

"Wait. I..." Once again Gibbs found himself hoping for Shannon to be there and do the deep heart to heart talking for him. He knew by now, more or less, that Tony could read him pretty well. So there were not many words needed between the two of them. Still however, he hoped to be able to speak out for a change.

"It's fine. You don't have to explain anything..." Tony looked about just as uncomfortable as Gibbs felt. He knew how private those two were to the boss. It wasn't something the man shared with people. Not willingly anyway.

Gibbs grunted something and pointed for Tony to sit down with him. For a while they just sat there in the basement in silence and it was only after Tony was almost half asleep that Gibbs held out something for him to take.

Blinking his sleepy eyes and trying keep them open, Tony frowned. "You really don't have to... I understand. I really do. It's not like I'm sharing or going to share my every personal secret with you..."

Gibbs kept holding the photo until Tony finally took it, carefully and as if he was afraid that just holding the picture could make it disappear. Frankly, knowing his luck, he wouldn't be surprised if somehow he would manage to mess things up. Didn't make it any easier to remember the last time he was holding the photo and what his boss's reaction had then been. "They're beautiful..."

"They were..." Gibbs agreed softly, fully aware Tony had avoided using past tense. He feigned ignorance when Tony held the photo back toward him, fully aware that Tony knew what he was doing and that he knew Tony knew. As Abby would say, it was one of their creepy moments of knowing what the other was thinking about. ' _Creepy_ ' and ' _secret power_ ' were possibly some of the most used terms she used to describe it. If only their shared 'secret power' would work when Gibbs was trying to figure out his young Agent when the man decided to completely block out any attempts for anyone to read him.

The corner of Tony's mouth twitched upwards in amusement and he glanced at the smiling redhead in the photo. "He's a real piece of work, you know? I mean, of course you know. You married him."

"What?"

"Was talking to your wife, boss..."

* * *

_**\- DREAM -** _

_"Jethro... If you're not careful, you will lose your last chance to live with happiness. True happiness and not a substitute this time."_

_Gibbs frowned in confusion and he looked at the redhead sitting next to him, but his wife only smiled at him. He knew this was just a dream. Of course it was. It always was and it had taken a long time for him to learn to accept it. The dream was one of the same ones he so often had when he did sleep and had dreams that were not nightmares. Sitting on a beach with Shannon as they watched the sunset painting the water and sky in many colors, and their daughter playing in the water nearby so that they could keep an eye on her. This time however... It seemed that his daily worries reached even his happy dreams.  
_

_"You need to let go of us."_

_"No." Gibbs frowned at the mere thought. His dreams and his fading memories were all he had left. If he would let go..._

_"You won't forget us, Jethro. These dreams will stop, but it's only a good thing."_

_"I can't, Shannon... If I let go, there's nothing left for me... Of me... Of you..."_

_Now it was Shannon's turn to frown and she looked at him scoldingly. "You know that's not true. Why else do you keep escaping in your basement and in these dreams more than you have before? Be honest with yourself, Jethro... It's not that you are afraid of betraying our memory. You know it's not going to happen. Not with him. You know I would have liked the kid just as much as you do. You know Kelly would have loved him."  
_

_Gibbs smiled sadly and brushed his fingers softly over her cheekbone, which he knew was nothing but a creation of his own memories, which would fade away as soon as he would wake up. "So what is it then?"_

_"You're afraid to care about anyone that much again. You're afraid of going through the same pain as you did with us. But you don't know if that will ever happen..."_

_"Our job..."_

_"There's always a possibility, but if you knew what would happen to me and Kelly and that there was no way to stop it from happening... Would you choose to walk away from me and also never have had Kelly?" Gibbs looked horrified and Shannon smiled. "Well there you go. There's your answer..."_

_They heard the now familiar sound cutting through the evening and Kelly looked up from the waves with sadness that was reflection of the sadness Gibbs felt._

_"I don't want to wake up..."_

_Shannon smiled and before everything began to fade away, she spoke again. "And, Jethro... Don't wait too long or you_ will _risk losing it all. You can't always be that stubborn mule... There's time for everything and this is not it..."_

* * *

It was almost 6 AM. Not early for him, but either he was getting old or he wished to keep dreaming of his favorite moments with his girls, because waking up was so hard. Glaring for a few long seconds at the phone, which woke him up from the dream, Gibbs finally answered it with a few choice words.

A moment later, he stormed toward the guest room while still changing his clothes. It seemed that Tony had some inner alarm system since almost the moment he opened the door, his Agent sat up, still looking half asleep. Truthfully Tony had barely even slept after going back to bed only a couple of hours ago.

"Get ready, DiNozzo. Fornell called to warn, some people from the FBI are coming this morning to try force you to work for them. That Agent Frod something is one of them."

The image of the Voltolini family and him at the wedding, with a gun held against his head, flashed through Tony's half awake mind and he shuddered at the thought. "Think I should just run for it while I still can, boss?"

"If it comes to that, we'll deal with the situation as it is," Gibbs growled and he could already feel this day would be one of those where no amount of best kind of coffee in the whole wide world could fix. He might need his entire bastard personality to get through this, since there was no way he was letting the FBI bully his Agent into being their little puppet in their games and especially when his gut told him it would not end well.

"Not gonna let them walk over you, DiNozzo," Gibbs spoke softly with a promise, when he saw the worried look that didn't leave Tony's face and he surprisingly wasn't even trying to hide it from his boss.

"I know better than you think how some people can make others do what they want..."

"DiNozzo. I— _We_ won't let it happen."

Tony smiled a smile without amusement. It was his ' _whatever you say, boss, but I know better_ ' smile. "I'm a big boy. I know one way or another I'll leave them empty handed. I'm more worried about the outcome after it... Usually when I truly piss off someone, it's going to come back and bite me when I least expect it..."

This time Gibbs didn't say anything, but he chose to ruffle the young man's hair. Such overly affectionate action froze them both for a moment, but in a silent agreement they decided they were both still half asleep and they needed some coffee to feel more like themselves again.


	47. How Charming

When they made it to the Navy Yard, they were grateful to find out that since it was still so early, the FBI people had not arrived yet. It gave them hopefully plenty of time to prepare themselves.

"I called Morrow. He's on his way."

"Don't tell me you woke him up, boss? You know how much he was looking forward to getting some much needed rest on his day off..."

"And it's good I did. He was not pleased to hear that someone is trying to use one of his agents, without him even knowing it. He would have been even less happy to find out we kept it from him."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say. But if he comes here, pissed off, I won't be the one giving explanations."

Gibbs chuckled and gave Tony a pat on the shoulder. "Sit tight. I'll go get us some coffee."

"Wow. Did you get up on the right side of the bed this morning, boss?"

"Smartass. If they show up while I'm gone, don't let them take you anywhere without either me or the Director with you. I don't trust these guys. Wouldn't be the first time they end up kidnapping someone and do their 'persuasion' at their own headquarters. Their territory, their rules... Or even worse, some secret location where we wouldn't even know to look from."

"Sure thing, boss... I'll set up the alarm on the roof so you know to come running," Tony answered dryly and Gibbs stopped half way to the elevator to stare at him with raised eyebrows. Tony shrugged. "I got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

Gibbs shook his head. "Behave. And call me if they come. I mean it, DiNozzo. Can't keep you safe if you won't let me."

"I'll be fine..." Tony muttered once the older man was gone. Staring at his phone, he decided to send a text message to Kate. This really had nothing to do with her and he did let her know there was no need for her to hurry to work earlier because of this, but since they had so far pretty much kept her outside their own little 'inner circle', he figured it wouldn't hurt to let her at least know about the situation if she walked in while it was happening or hear about it later from someone else.

Few minutes later he received a text from her saying: **' _I'm on my way_ '**.

As much as the two of them had 'before' always spent their time bickering and arguing, they did almost became real partners they could count on. It was a shame she had to die and just when they were starting to find the right way to work together. Even before he finally had enough of Ziva—who had her own set of rules and ninja assassin ways—he would have chosen Kate over Ziva any day. With all her faults and mistakes, Kate was the one who at least had potential to be an Agent. But with Ziva... No amount of polishing would work. That woman never understood what it meant when you were working with someone as partners and under certain set of rules.

Sure, there were times when those rules could and even should be stretched, but to know when and how was a skill not many people possessed and she was not one of those people. Of course, Gibbs himself never truly bothered to fix that attitude. Never bothered to fix anything that was wrong in their team. As far as he knew of course, but the man's actions spoke loud...

Remembering that moment when Kate was shot in the head was all it took for Tony's resolution to return with vengeance. She was not going to die. If he would fail, and even though Gibbs now _kind of_ knew that Ziva could not be trusted, things could turn out even uglier than the first time.

It was yet another thing he never truly got over. To have the sister of Ari in their team. Ari, the man who murdered Kate. It was like betrayal having her accepted so easily, but he had kept his mouth shut. No matter how much it hurt every time he saw her sitting behind Kate's desk. So he did what he could do best and put on his mask and act. Did his best and even tried to accept her, despite everything. Of course back then he hadn't yet realized how much damage just having her around would end up causing...

Tony glanced at the elevator doors when he heard the arrival of someone who he hoped was Gibbs, but he knew it wasn't possible, unless the older man had decided to skip the coffee. And if that were to happen, he would have to write it down: ' _The day the world stopped turning_ '. Then frame it and hang it on the wall.

"How can I help you?" Tony gave the three men his calm and polite—but in no way friendly—smile. It was one of those smiles you reserve for the family member, or the friend of a friend, whose company you did not enjoy. Or in this case the three agents from the FBI. Fred and his two buddies.

"Agent DiNozzo." Fred nodded as his greeting. He looked too calm. So sure of himself, like he knew without a doubt that one way or another he would get what he came here for. Tony narrowed his eyes and then flashed his charmer smile. The man had not yet met the unmovable force called DiNozzo.

By the time Gibbs returned, Tony was still sitting behind his desk, much to the older man's relief. However, he was being surrounded by three FBI agents. "What's going on?" he growled and only Tony heard another question in there and saw the flash of hurt in his eyes. _Why didn't you call me?_

Tony looked calm and his charming self, but there was anger in his eyes. You would have to be blind or stupid to not notice it. "Ah, boss. It seems that these nice men here think I have no need of a phone."

Gibbs narrowed his eyes dangerously and noticed one of the men holding Tony's mobile phone and another man holding his hand over the phone on the desk. "Is that so?"

The other two agents looked uncomfortable, but Fred didn't even look at Gibbs. Instead he kept his eyes firmly on Tony, thinking he was looking intimidating enough and not realizing Tony had faced many much more intimidating people in his life, one of them being present, so to him this was like a baby tiger trying to imitate the real thing. Throw the FBI Agent in the wilderness and he wouldn't last a day around the truly dangerous beasts.

"On what grounds are you here, holding my Agent a hostage?" Gibbs growled and walked next to Tony, handing him his coffee. He noticed for the first time something that Tony already knew. At first he had thought it was Fred and two agents, but now he could see it was just Fred and two very green and fresh _kids_ with him. Very foolish move indeed... And it could get in trouble not only the man himself, but two young agents whose entire careers could be put in jeopardy because of him...

Correction: _Would_ , not could. He would make sure of it...

"I am here to offer Agent DiNozzo a deal," Fred snapped. He was so sure he had something that would guarantee this Agent's agreement. No. He _knew_ it. Although his tall posture crumbled for a bit under Gibbs's murderous glare.

Tony chuckled. "And I keep telling him I don't care what the deal is, there's no way I will jump when he tells me to."

The elevator doors opened again and this time it was Tom Morrow, Kate and few of their own people coming to work. While Kate simply looked slightly disheveled, Tom looked pissed off and sleep deprived. Besides Tony, only Gibbs saw them coming.

"And I am telling—once you hear me out—you will agree to cooperate with us." Fred looked irritated. He had wanted to get this over and done with much faster, but DiNozzo had made no move to go anywhere and he looked mighty unimpressed.

"Well, go ahead. Tell me what you want. I don't mind having anyone else knowing." Tony looked calm, but he was just a tiny bit worried what Fred could possibly have to make the man so sure of himself. In his mind he tried to go over his past cases and the people he knew. The ones in 'this life'. It gave him bit of a headache, as it always did, having to separate the two...

"As my Agent told you, go ahead," Tom's voice boomed in the almost empty bullpen and the FBI agents looked startled, only now noticing the others who had joined them. "Does your Director know you are here?" Tom asked and Fred licked his suddenly dry lips. "Let me answer for you... Yes. He does. I called him on my way here and I _guarantee_ you, this doesn't end well for you. So you might as well use your last chance to speak out."

Fred swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. "It's between me and him—"

"Agent DiNozzo," Gibbs interrupted with a growl.

"Between me and Agent DiNozzo..."

"Really? I thought this was FBI matter, not private." Tony chuckled and Fred took one angry step closer.

There was no way to know if he was actually danger to Tony or not, but Kate looked alarmed and joined his partners with few long strides. Standing next to Tony, she looked tall and threatening, while Gibbs still hadn't left his spot on the other side. Then there were few of their own agents, plus the Director, which meant the FBI men were basically surrounded. You never go to a beehive with a stick, but with smoke and some proper protective gear on, unless you were prepared to get stung. They really hadn't thought this one through...

"We're waiting," Gibbs growled and Fred swallowed again.

"It's... We are here to offer Agent DiNozzo a deal. If he agrees to cooperate, we can make it so his father will get a lesser punishment. He is currently under heavy investigation over some bad business dealings and could potentially even face some jail time." As he kept talking, Fred started to look and sound much more sure of himself again. It had been almost like a gift sent from heaven when he found out whose father that old man was. And the old man was just as eager getting his son to cooperate in order to get his own ass out of the line of fire.

The other three looked a mess of emotions at this and then anger that Fred _dared_ to use the young Agent's father against him. Tony however was amused, although his eyes were looking like dark green pools of danger and something else they couldn't quite read.

"And I am _sure_ your boss agreed with the deal." Tony smiled sweetly and he knew he got it right from the way Fred's eyes shifted away from him for a moment. "Let me make something very clear to you, _Fred_... The relationship between me and my dear old man is a bit..." Tony's lips twisted in a not sweet manner. It wasn't quite sneer either. "...complicated. I'm not going to go into all the gory details, but I hope that telling you how it ended will be enough. Besides, I'm sure if you bother digging just a little bit more, you'll find it out on your own... My father disowned me when I was twelve years old. Add that to everything else the old man ever did to me and as far as I'm concerned I owe him nothing and I never had a father. Without a mother and him as my father, I might as well be an orphan. We may share the same name and blood, but to me he's not a family. He's a stranger at best."

Kate gasped at the ' _my father disowned me_ ' part, but Tony ignored it and he didn't even look at anyone else other than Fred, who was now frowning as the realization was slowly starting to sink in. He was not going to get any deals out of this.

"Since you are here, sir..." Tony finally glanced at his Director, who was looking openly horrified at the thought of a parent disowning his own child. A twelve year old child. What could a boy that age possibly do to deserve it? What could _any child_ do to deserve it?

"In case situations like this one happens again... You might as well make a note in my files or something. I don't care. Senior is just a conman whose only interest is what he benefits. If he needs my help when he's in trouble because of something he did _again_ , then I don't even want to know. I really don't care." _Not anymore_... "It's none of my business, just like my life is not his. He's ruined way too many lives already and deserves more than just some little jail time for his crimes. For the sake of everyone, don't let him charm his way out _this time_."

And indeed, Senior was like a charmer who could charm a snake and once he no longer needed it, he would turn around and kill it. The only way to not fall under his spell was to keep reminding yourself what kind of man he truly is. And as his son who had lived to see the worst of him, Tony knew better than anyone what the true face of Anthony DiNozzo Senior was like.

He looked at Fred again. "If you see Senior again, let him know this... If he ever again even _thinks_ about pulling me into his own mess, then I will suddenly remember all his past deeds, and the people who would gladly turn against him, and throw them all out in the open. And I _guarantee_ he won't see the light of day ever again. Until then, I neither remember nor know him."

Tony realized then that with their other agents listening also, this would spread and possibly grow and change as gossips did. He didn't care though. Not anymore. Not this time. As long as people knew he had nothing to do with Senior the next time the old man's true colors came out. With the way he had allowed Senior back into his life in the 'dream', he couldn't even believe how stupid he really had been. Sure, he could forgive the man. But why did he allow his _abuser_ back in his life, without so much as any regret from the old man? He of all people should've known how good actor Senior was... After all, it wasn't just a skill you were born with it. All the acting and masks he always used, they all came from what he learned from his father first and when protecting himself from the man and the world in general.

Gibbs finally broke the silence. "What are you still doing here?"

"It's what I was wondering too," Tobias Fornell spoke suddenly. No one had noticed him coming from the stairs.

"What took you so long?" Gibbs growled and Tobias simply shrugged, turning his focus on the three FBI agents who were suddenly looking very small.

"Let's go. We have a mess to clean and you three are in a hot enough water right now and I'm not sure I can do a whole lot for you... Frankly, I don't even know if I want to."

Before the agents left, Tony cleared his throat and held out his hand. The man who was still holding his phone, hurriedly returned it to the owner. Once the FBI was gone, Tom looked at Tony curiously. "They made sure I couldn't call anyone."

Tom growled. "I'll make a few phone calls... This shouldn't have happened. Especially not here." Tom stormed in his office and then it was just team Gibbs and some other agents, who left in a hurry after one look from Gibbs. Silence took over again, until Tony finally sighed and took a long sip of his coffee.

"You know I could have handled them on my own just fine."

"That's not the point, DiNozzo."

"And, Kate... It is nice that you came, but like I told you, you didn't have to..."

"Oh, shut up. Just say thank you," Kate snapped, but her eyes were warm. She had been really worried.

"Thank you." Tony chuckled and he became serious again. Then he was just staring quietly at his desk, making Gibbs and Kate share concerned looks over his head. As much as he acted like this whole thing with his father didn't bother him, it did. He was sad and angry at the same time. And once again he found himself wondering if he himself would know how to be a father if he ever got the chance...

"Boss... Would it be alright if we hit the gym for a while..?"

Gibbs blinked and then smiled crookedly. Squeezing Tony's shoulder, he nodded. "Sure thing... And then the shooting range. Kate. You too."

And for a change Kate didn't show her displeasure, but simply picked up her things and hurried after her partners when they were already on their way.

She couldn't be sure, but... Whatever it was that happened today, however subtle it may have been, she felt like she truly was part of the team now. Maybe not part of the deepest secrets these men shared between each other, but it was fine... She was sure that when the time was right, they would trust her enough to let her even closer. And she was determined to not betray that trust. Both of these men were very private and when Tony had informed her of this situation when he didn't have to, she just knew that whatever she would choose to do, it would underlay a whole lot of things when it came to the growing partnership and maybe even a friendship between them.


	48. I'm Sorry

"Kate, please listen to me. I wouldn't say this without a good reason. Don't trust her. You'll get too emotionally involved and when things go wrong, this will haunt you for the rest of your life," Tony pleaded for her to listen to him. Even when he knew it wouldn't make her change her mind. But he couldn't not try.

After the visit from Fred and his buddies, the life had been pretty normal for Tony. While it worried him why he hadn't suddenly heard from Voltolini for a while, he had enjoyed the normal routine. As normal as it could get of course. However temporary, he was almost at ease with his memories and the knowledge from the dream. And he was by now so used to being able to change some events from happening. Not all or even most, but some. And that had to count for something at least. He had never given it a thought of how he would stop Kate from bonding with Suzanne McNeil again. He and Kate had been having a much better start and finally even working on their own slow bonding, so he had wanted to spare her from this...

"Tony. I know what I'm doing. I know I've made a couple of mistakes, but like you and Gibbs I also trust my instincts." Kate frowned. Sure, she trusted him, but she couldn't understand what had gotten into him. Suddenly in not so subtle ways hinting that perhaps their Jane Doe was not as innocent as she looked.

"Kate—"

"That's enough!" Kate snapped and when Tony opened his mouth again with slightly hurt look shining through his eyes, she turned around and left, feeling guilty for snapping at him, but she didn't have time for this now. She would apologize later.

Tony stared after her with sorrow. He wasn't startled when someone suddenly had their hand on his shoulder. Without looking at Gibbs, he spoke bitterly. "I can't just go around telling people the real reason why they should or shouldn't do something... So all I can do is watch as she makes that same mistake again. It's really going to hurt her, boss... All I wanted was to spare her from a lifetime of guilt, but she's already way over her head and won't listen... I should've been faster. I should have made my move before we even saw that woman..."

"Maybe Kate needs to go through it? Didn't you yourself say that some things can't be changed?"

"It's easier to alter than change things. And the bigger the change, so much more difficult it is. It's like working against a current refusing to change its way... Doesn't make it any easier to just stand by and watch." Tony frowned. "This is going to turn ugly, boss..."

Gibbs hummed in agreement and pulled the young man closer into a quick and awkward hug. With a pat on the back, he pulled away. "Let's get back to work."

"Maybe I should get straight to the problem, so that no one has to die..."

Gibbs froze. "One of us?"

Tony hesitated, unsure if he should tell. He had a while ago realized that it was best to keep as many details to himself as possible. Especially after one unfortunate event where someone died all because of his just a little too generous sharing of details. The person would've died anyway, but that had been like an extra push toward it. "No. Just a couple of bad guys." And a few injured agents and other personnel, and some damage to the building.

Gibbs wondered if he should make DiNozzo tell him more, but he had seen what happened the last time he did share too much. It had taken plenty of head slaps to snap the young man out of his feelings of guilt. And a few chosen words of how he couldn't have known. "Then let's just see how the things go and _we_ act accordingly."

"Sure thing, boss..." Tony agreed listlessly.

* * *

Tony had managed to get Brauer away from the woman, hoping he could change the events that way. Unfortunately for them all, Suzanne had noticed something was off way before they could react and now they had her backed at the corner in the bullpen. With that bomb in her hands once again, she had wild look in her eyes. They all had their weapons out, but one way or another there was going to be someone dead by the end of this. 

"Suzanne... Don't do it..." Kate looked mixture of hurt and unbelief as she was trying to reason with her new 'friend'. Or someone she had thought was a friend.

"Sorry, Kate," Suzanne whispered and then she let go of the bomb. Without thinking much, Tony lunged forward. To his surprise, instead of reaching the woman, he was thrown back. Not by the bomb, but by the strong mass of Gibbs. By the time they were sitting up, they no longer saw Suzanne. The bomb had done its job once again. For a while none of them spoke, as they just stared at the flames. At least this time it had claimed only one life. Not that it would be much comfort for Kate...

It was later, when they were all outside, that Gibbs exploded himself. "What were you thinking!?" He was finally starting to regain some of the color he had lost when he saw Tony moving forward and to certain death. If he hadn't noticed it...

"Obviously not much..." Tony mumbled and stared at their partner who was staring in the distance quietly. Kate hadn't said a word yet. And he had failed. He hadn't been able to stop her from going through this again. Sure, she would never know, but it was enough that he knew.

Gibbs swore softly, seeing the barely hidden agony in Tony's eyes. "Tony..." Not caring that anyone could see them, he pulled Tony into a tight hug and just barely brushed the soft hair with his fingers, almost like he was unsure what to do with that hand.

"I'm not the one who needs comfort right now..." Tony muttered softly, but with a heavy sigh he dropped his head against the comforting shoulder. He felt a soft breath against his head as Gibbs exhaled. It felt odd and warm.

"I told you before, Tony, that maybe this was meant to happen... Don't dwell on it too much. Won't do you any good. You did all you could."

"Could've done more..."

"Tony..." Gibbs slapped the back of Tony's head, so softly that he almost missed it.

"I know, I know..."

The men spent next few minutes staring at their partner from the distance. The snow and the wind were freezing cold, but they barely even felt it.

* * *

Kate sat on her couch. In her one hand there was a glass of wine and in the other one she had the remote control, which she kept abusing in numb anger, not even trying to watch the TV. She just kept changing the channel every few minutes or less.

The scene kept playing in her head and she closed her eyes. The guilt was eating her up. And she didn't think she could look her partners in the eyes again. How could she have been so blind? Why did she let her emotions overwrite the logic? Work had become personal, too personal, to see what had to have been there all along, right in front of her eyes. And maybe some of it had been about her pride, because she called herself a profiler. She wasn't sure. Because as a profiler she couldn't have been so dreadfully wrong.

Kate opened her eyes again when someone was knocking at the door. She really was not in the mood for company right now, so she decided to ignore it.

"Kate! Open the door!" It was Tony. Kate froze in confusion. She hadn't shared her address with anyone at work... "I know you're in there!"

Realizing that the lights from the windows must have given her away, Kate sighed wearily and stood up, walking slowly to the front door. With the wine glass still in her other hand, she opened the door with a frown. "How did you..?"

Tony smirked. "I have my ways."

Kate shook her head. "What do you want?"

"I have something for you. Can I come in?"

Hesitating for a moment, she let him in. Following him back in the living room, she reclaimed her spot on the couch, while Tony took the chair.

"I'm sorry..." she finally said quietly, when Tony didn't say anything. The TV was on mute so he heard it.

"Kate, you didn't know—"

"Yes I did! You _warned_ me! And I... I didn't listen... What kind of partner does it make me when I don't even give you a _chance_ to explain? We need the trust for us to be able to work together properly, I know that, and yet..."

"So you knew she was going to kill herself and anyone close to her?"

Kate emptied her glass and reached toward the wine bottle to pour some more and realized Tony had at some point taken it and was now studying the bottle with curiosity.

"Do you trust me?" Tony asked suddenly and Kate flinched. Last time he had asked it, she had thrown it back on his face by not trusting him and his gut feelings about Suzanne... Actually she _had_ trusted him and yet she chose to ignore it... In favor of a woman she didn't even know and who could have killed them all in cold blood.

"Yes," she answered sincerely. If there was one thing she knew she could trust her instincts to be right about, then it was this.

Tony nodded, with a faint smile on his lips. Leaving the wine bottle on the floor, he stood up and took the spot on the couch next to Kate. Taking a small bottle out of his pocket, he emptied it inside her empty glass. "It's called ' _Dark Soul_ '. A friend of mine created it. Tastes like crap, but trust me, it's worth it. You'll end up with a hangover, but you will still thank me in the morning. Although from my own personal experience I can tell that you won't want to drink this unless you really need it."

Kate looked at the drink with narrowed eyes. "You want me to drink that? You're not going to poison me or something?"

"Cross my heart. I'd never do that." Tony chuckled and then he turned serious. "It allows you to sleep without dreams. You need the rest now. Tomorrow you will start the healing progress, but not tonight."

She almost spat out the drink as soon as she tasted it, much like Tony's first reaction had been when he tasted it for the first time. "What _is_ this!?"

Tony smiled almost serenely. "Some alcohol mixture... with something. I don't want to know. I have a bad feeling that we're better off not knowing... My friend—Isaac—is good at making these. It's a dangerous skill really. From this to his own versions of a truth serum... I swear, if he wants to turn to the dark side, we will be in major trouble."

While Kate stared at the silent TV, she started feeling how the sleep was starting to pull her toward the couch, or floor, had Tony not pushed her toward the couch when she started to fall. "Tony..." It was almost like she was becoming one with the couch. Strange, but not scary feeling.

"What?"

"'m sorry... Really..." She was starting to slur and she knew she should feel frustrated how it didn't even bother her. However, her ability to think was getting weaker and weaker. For a split second she panicked, but that feeling was soon replaced by trust. How easily it came. Really, the drink should have a second name: ' _The ultimate trust_ ' drink.

Tony reached out his hand to pat her head awkwardly. As he was starting to stand up, Kate spoke again. One word, as it felt easier to keep things as simple as possible.

"Stay..?" She didn't know what made her say that, but somehow she felt she needed some company. Even if she would be too out of it for it to really even matter.

Tony sat back down. "Okay... I'll watch your six..."

She slurred her thanks with closed eyes. She was already asleep by the time Tony answered.

"No problem..." Tony rubbed his tired eyes and took the remote control and chose another channel with some movie on. It was going to be a long night for him...

The next morning Kate felt much better. Her memories from the last day weren't as clear as they had been when she came home. They were still there, but not as vivid flashes and even the feelings were slightly muted. Still there, but not overpowering her entirely. While Tony hadn't been there by the time she woke up, there was a glass of water with a bottle of painkillers on the coffee table and some fresh coffee in the kitchen for her. She knew he had kept his promise and had watched her back.

Next to the glass of water was a note saying that they would now be even and **' _No need to fret over this_ '**.

While she was glad she didn't have to go to work with her hangover from hell and even think about work for a few days, she swore to take gut feelings from now on much more seriously...


	49. Sounds Like Hebrew To Me

Tony had finished his work an hour ago, but since both Gibbs and Kate were not done yet, he decided to keep them company, which was now being used for something useful, with the future in mind.

 **"My name... is Anthony DiNozzo. How is your... day?"** Tony frowned and fought against the urge to look down at the textbook on his desk. **"I... I work for the NCIS... And I..."** What was the word again? He also had a feeling he had used some words in the wrong context. The irony _._.. He could imagine what a laugh Ziva would get out of this situation. All those times they had to correct her English... But at least he wasn't trying to become a master of anything in here. All he needed was to _understand_. So with a suffering sigh he started all over again.

Kate glanced between her partner, her latest case related paperwork and her boss. She finally had to ask. "What is he doing?"

"Hebrew," Gibbs answered without looking up. It had surprised him when DiNozzo had one late evening joined him in the basement and then told with a determined look on his face what he wanted to do, despite the fact that his time was already limited. Between their work and sniper lessons, adding some online studying course on the list could not be good for anyone. Gibbs had a pretty strong feeling that there was even more on the list, which the young man was yet to tell him about.

"He's studying Hebrew? Why?"

"Ask him if you want to know," Gibbs muttered and by now Kate had worked with the man long enough to know she would be asking for trouble if she kept asking about it.

Kate glanced at her struggling partner again and while part of her found it amusing, the other part scolded her. He had obviously only started. One could hardly be expected to be on the master level from the get-go, and it _was_ a little impressive that the man was willing to even try. And with his stubbornness, she had no doubt Tony would master it one way or another. Even if it took rest of his life. He wasn't one of those people who gave up easily.

When Kate had stopped looking at him, Gibbs allowed a small smile on his lips and he listened fondly as his Second was struggling to form the words that his mouth was not used to. English, Italian and Spanish. While it was already more than impressive and enough to know those, Hebrew was an entirely different language. As he kept listening and sometimes glancing at the frustrated frown, Gibbs found a long forgotten feeling fill his chest. It was that same feeling he had felt years ago when Kelly was learning how to speak her first big words. Never giving up when she didn't get it right. And the proud smile that took over her precious little face when she got it right. Just like Tony. It was strange to compare a fully grown man to his little girl. Oddly, with Tony in question, it fit...

Tony chose that moment to have a look of triumph on his face as he managed to get an entire sentence right. He glanced around the room with a proud smile, as if looking for cheers and 'attaboys'. When he returned his focus back on the book on his desk, Gibbs spoke it in his mind only. _Attaboy, Tony... You're doing good..._

After the dream that he'd had of his family, Gibbs stopped feeling guilty over his feelings. Stopped trying to deny them. Even though he hadn't seen his girls in his dreams since then, he was finally finding the strength to let go. He was finally learning that letting go didn't mean forgetting or even betraying their memory. The only real problem right now was that Gibbs had no idea what to do with all of this.

The sentimental voice in his head—which sounded strangely very much like Shannon—kept telling him to 'just go for it' and share all the feelings with the kid. The father in him agreed. However, the 'second b' in him was telling that things were fine just the way they were. He and Tony, they didn't need any heart to heart talks. Neither one was comfortable with that. Of course there was some truth in both sides, but that was the problem... Gibbs had no idea what to do.

As he forgot himself and his paperwork, Gibbs smiled wider as he leaned against his desk. Gazing at his SFA with a soft look in his eyes, he was forgetting that he was the 'second b for bastard' boss and that someone's ears and eyes would be all too happy to memorize everything.

Kate glanced between the two men, with a knowing smile. For once she felt like she had gotten something right about these two men who had been impossible for her to understand, much to her chagrin. Well, Tony still was. But there was no denying the close relationship between those two. She could bet her next day off that it was closer than they were willing to acknowledge. Perhaps they never would... She wasn't sure yet if it was just a close friendship or maybe even something like a family, but she hoped she would find out.

After a while, Kate was surprised that the boss who seemed to notice everything, hadn't noticed her staring at him. Instead the man seemed to be lost in thought.

* * *

_**\- FLASHBACK -** _

_"Why Hebrew? You're already speaking three other languages. That not good enough for you?"_

_Tony's posture stiffened and Gibbs knew immediately he had said the wrong thing. There was angry flare in the young man's eyes, but it was gone quickly and replaced by the cheeky grin. It always unsettled him how easily Tony was able to pull out any emotions, moods or even full personas, without blinking an eye. Sometimes it worried Gibbs how it was affecting the young man's psyche. Especially when he couldn't even tell how often that double-edged skill was being used.  
_

_"I guess I just want to expand my set of skills, boss. It could come in handy someday. You'll never know."_

_"DiNo—" Gibbs sighed and put down the tools he'd been working with. Running his hand over the boat, which was yet to look like one, he chose his words carefully. "Tony. I didn't mean it like that. It's just... First sniper lessons and now this?"_

_"I have my reasons."_

_Gibbs found suddenly the faint layer of sawdust on the boat awfully fascinating. "Isaac knows those reasons?"_

_Tony hid his smile behind his hand as he scratched at his stubble. "No. Even the mighty Isaac doesn't know. I told you, I don't share everything with him. I thought we already put this behind our backs."_

_"Hmh..."_

_"Oh,_ come on _, boss. My reasons... They... I just want to make sure I have more weapons for any given situation around my enemies. Plus, it will look nice on my resume."_

_Gibbs was alarmed. "You're leaving?"_

_"What? Gibbs, I promise to not just take off without letting you know first, as long as I can help it of course..."_

_The boss didn't look too happy with that explanation and Tony found himself grimacing and then ignoring the smile tugging at the corner of his lips only a moment later. The older man looked like a sulking teenager. It was bizarre look on him, but apparently Gibbs did bizarre quite well when he set his mind to it._

_"And no. I'm not leaving."_

_"Okay." Gibbs nodded as he relaxed._

_"Okay?"_

_"Good."_

_Tony rolled his eyes. That obviously was as good as it was going to get, but that was Gibbs for you... As much as the older man could surprise you and come up with some big words when you were not expecting it, now wasn't one of those times. It was enough though. He could see the smile in the eyes and in his own way the old man was talking to him with his body language alone._

* * *

With a sigh, Tony leaned back on his chair and closed his eyes. Rubbing his forehead, he tried to force away the beginning of a headache.

"Had enough?" Gibbs asked.

"Taking a break before I end up with brain damage..."

"Go home. Get some rest."

"Really? I thought you didn't like me walking outside on my own, while there are big bad 'monsters' out there," Tony pointed out wryly, thinking back at the growling and then yelling when Gibbs had found out just how much he wandered outside the house when Gibbs wasn't keeping an eye on him...

Gibbs stared at his unfinished report, regretting now for 'daydreaming' so much. "I'm almost done..."

Tony raised his eyebrow, not believing a word. He may have feigned ignorance, but he knew the boss hadn't written a word since they started on their reports. "I'll go stretch my legs for a bit then..."

Kate waited once Tony was gone from the bullpen before she finally asked her question, knowing there was no way Gibbs would tell her anything, but it was still worth a try... "So what's the story between you two?"

"Kate..." Gibbs started with a warning tone, but she decided to ignore it, hoping for the best.

"Are you best friends or what? The way you two behave sometimes around or away from each other, can't be normal. Not that there's anything wrong about it. I just—"

"You just what, Agent Todd?" Gibbs snapped and Kate swallowed. She really felt like she was poking a sleeping bear... With a sharp stick.

"I'm curious. You two are my partners and we spend most of our time together, so we are almost like a work family of some sort. I'd just like to know. I wouldn't be sharing it with others, if that's what you're worrying, but I do have eyes and I am a profiler. It's obvious and—" Kate smiled nervously at the angry look she got. "And you don't have to tell me anything. Like I said, I'm curious. I was only asking, not forcing you to tell."

Then Gibbs surprised her. Shocked speechless. He rubbed his forehead in the exact way Tony had done before and leaned back on his chair. "We... I care about him."

Kate stared at him, with wide and unbelieving eyes. She had been so sure Gibbs would not answer the question. It seemed both Tony and Gibbs kept surprising her.

"We've had a connection since the beginning. If I would've ever had a son..." Gibbs's voice trailed off, but Kate knew what he wasn't saying. "That enough for you?"

Kate finally got his voice back, but it was small and weak. "Yeah. Thank you..."

By the time Tony returned with coffee and half empty water bottle, he could tell something had occurred while he'd been gone, but he knew in his gut there was nothing for him to worry about, so he simply shrugged it off and set the generous mugs of coffee on both his partners desks. He got one grateful smile from Kate and the usual grunt and nod from Gibbs.

Tony sat down and after staring at one ink stained spot on his desk, he decided that rolling his thumbs wasn't a good way to spend his time, but he didn't want to distract the others with his so called Hebrew either. He had been learning for only a few days and he could only hope he'd be much better by the time it mattered the most, if such situation occurred. With these thoughts in his head, he took out his cellphone.

Playing games on his phone and looking like a kid playing with his toy, Tony didn't notice the amused looks. He was distracting them again...


	50. His Demons

_**\- DREAM -** _

_"Kate!"_

_He was late again. It didn't matter how many chances he was given, he failed each time. It never changed either. The rooftop. The laughter, the gunshot, the shock and that hole in her face. So much blood and brain tissue. It landed on him each and every time, in that exact same moment and same places, and all he could do was just stand there and keep staring at her body. Carving it even deeper into his memory. Burning it with fire. Making it permanent. A painful reminder of his failure._

_Ari walked toward them with a smile. "You are never going to succeed. Give up or you will join her. You will find yourself in the gutter."_

_Tony looked at him in desperation, unable to move or speak. What could he say anyway? It was the truth and he knew it. Of course he knew it._

_Gibbs wasn't looking at Ari. His eyes were on Tony. Disappointment. "You failed her."_

_There was no escape. He knew it when the scene flew away from him and he was thrown back to the beginning._

_"Kate!"_

_He was late again..._

* * *

Tony had barely even taken a bite of his sandwich before looking green and pushing it away. Instead of eating it, he spent his time doing the first thing that came to his mind, not that it helped. He rolled up a piece of paper and threw it in the trashcan farther away. He rolled up another piece of paper and threw it in the same trashcan. He kept repeating that same motion over and over again, until he'd been doing it for almost half an hour. Paper, ball, aim and trashcan. Repeated motion that never changed. 

"What's wrong with him?" Kate sounded uncertain when she voiced her concern, her own half eaten food forgotten. 

Gibbs moved his eyes from Tony to her. Not answering the question, he spoke with a warning tone, which told her to drop it. "Eat your tofu, Kate."

Kate chewed her bottom lip and observed her partner who hadn't been mister sunshine since coming to work that morning. Tony wasn't exactly talkative either. Since he was still staying at Gibbs's place, she wondered if the boss knew something... Who was she kidding? He was Gibbs and if there was something she had learned, it was that Gibbs was all-knowing.

"Kate. Don't," Gibbs said again—ordering really—and she finally looked away. But just because she wasn't looking at Tony, didn't mean she wouldn't be thinking about him. If anything, her mind was full of him and what she should do about this situation since as far as she could see, Gibbs wasn't going to do anything either...

Gibbs glanced at the abandoned sandwich on Tony's desk. For a moment he wondered if he should just send him to Abby, to get some rest since lately it seemed like he never slept. Going to bed after Gibbs and even getting up before his boss, or so he claimed whenever Gibbs asked him if he got any sleep that night... The dark circles under his eyes didn't exactly help his case either.

Gibbs opened his mouth to say that the break was over, but Tony was faster. As suddenly as the paper ball game had started, just as suddenly it ended and he went back to work. Shaking his head, Gibbs stood up. "I'll be with Ducky if you two find something."

Tony stopped his mechanic behavior for a moment and he stared after Gibbs with narrowed eyes. Knowing full well that going to see Ducky had nothing to do with the case. The case of Colonel William Ryan was barely closed, so for now they were all drowning in paperwork and cold cases.

The time that he'd been trying to not think about too much was finally here. It was time for him to make some big decisions and he was in the middle of mental arm wrestling between what he wanted and what was right. He hated to be put in this situation so much... Now more than ever. Just when he'd come to the point in his 'new life' where he had made his peace with the fact that he would forever be carrying two worlds in his head.

"Tony..." Kate started, but after one nasty look from Tony, she let it go with a shudder. Sometimes Tony could give you a look that put Gibbs's own infamous glare to shame...

Tortured by his recent nightmares, Tony put all his focus into his work. Any distraction wasn't good and seeing Kate's face didn't help. Not when he always saw the bullet hole in her face even when it wasn't there. It was like a ghostly reminder of where he stood and the unpleasant power that he was now holding. The problem was that whatever he chose, it could destroy lives either way... Take Ari out of the picture too soon and it could mess up the entire house of cards. But could he truly trust things wouldn't go even worse than in his dream if he just let things happen? It was a dilemma he hadn't even really thought about that much before and now that he did, it was trying to eat up his entire brain capacity.

Wanting to distract her partner from whatever it was that had put him in this mood in the first place, Kate decided a little teasing wouldn't hurt. "So... Abby showed me her private collection." She frowned when Tony ignored her and kept typing.

Close by, Chris Pacci had observed the situation for a while now and seeing the determined look on the woman's face, he grimaced. While her intentions probably were good, now was not the time. Unless you were someone like Gibbs and could handle Tony in his bad mood. Gibbs in his bad mood was expected and people were used to it, even if many weren't prepared to face it. Tony— _if I could I'd be friends with everyone_ —wasn't that simple... "Kate."

Kate kept talking, still hopeful that she could get Tony's attention. "She's got some interesting photos. One especially caught my eye. You. Leather pants. I heard that one has reached even the Hoover building."

Chris, feeling mad at himself for having taken the photo in the first place, delivered himself a head slap. That was what finally got Tony's mind elsewhere for a moment and his mouth twisted into a small amused smirk.

"What'd you do? Spill Gibbs's coffee? Misplace files? Told Cassie to redo her report?"

"I wish," Chris answered with a smile devoid of any humor.

Tony frowned and fully focused on Chris now, he quit typing. "That can't be good." 

"Ancient history. Something I did and I thought was in the past, but it came to bite me in the ass now. In the form of guilty conscience."

As Kate was wondering whether she should let it be or get her word in, Chris moved so she and Tony couldn't see each other. Just hoping that she got his silent message to back off. With a frown, she finally did.

"Can I help you with it?" Tony asked, his mind now full of flashing images of the day Chris died. It was one of the events he wanted to change. So he'd already offered his help whenever he knew team Pacci would need it, hoping that when it came down to the serious business, Chris would know it was alright to ask for his help.

Chris shook his head. "Doubt it. Unless you wish to shoot me yourself for taking that infamous photo back then."

"It wasn't _you_ who decided to make all those copies... You never found your camera either, did you?"

"Gone for good. We still going to Isaac's after work?"

"If the work doesn't stop me, yes."

"Good. You've been talking about that place for such a long time, it's about time you let me join. My expectations are high."

Tony chuckled. He was tempted to ask Isaac to make Chris one of his failed drinks, which the old man had made _him_ drink. For a genius like him, when Isaac did fail, he failed big and with style that was so very his own...

"I know that look, DiNozzo. You've got something on your mind and I'm not going to like it."

"Relax. It won't kill ya." Then again, he liked Chris, so maybe he should save it for the people he didn't like or for revenge...

Listening to the men talk like old friends made Kate realize that as close as she and her team had finally become, there was still some invisible wall between her and them. Especially her and Tony. It made her sad as she'd come to realize she really liked her team. Liked working with Tony. The man could come up with ideas like no one else and solving cases in a way no one else could.

"Kate."

"What?" she snapped, still a little hurt when she'd been ignored before. She looked up and saw that Chris was gone.

There was a strange look in Tony's eyes, one she couldn't identify. When he spoke, he sounded calm, but that look still gave her the chills. "Wet T-shirt, Kate. I know all about it. I've seen the pictures."

That was not what she'd been expecting to hear. "What?"

"You heard me. And if I find you doing something stupid like... Oh, I don't know... Like getting Abby to photoshop pictures of me for your own twisted amusement and then sharing it with people, without so much as even thinking what it could do to me both personally and professionally, I'll sue your ass off. Both of you."

Kate stared at Tony. Feelings of both confusion and anxiety were hanging over her. How did he know about the wet T-shirt? No... The biggest question here was, what on earth was DiNozzo even talking about? Why would they photoshop anything? Whatever it was, this was serious business and she had no doubt in her mind that you did not burn Tony DiNozzo and not get yourself burned.

Tony rubbed his temples with a sigh. Maybe he'd been overreacting a little... "Sorry. This isn't the time to test or tease me. So don't..."

"Got it... Tony, you know, if there's anything I could—"

"I'm serious. I really don't want to talk right now. So unless it's work related, _don't talk to me_."

Trying to not feel hurt or show that it did, Kate nodded. She was disappointed that he didn't feel like he could trust her enough to talk.

"Kate..."

"What?"

As much as the ghostly bullet hole in her face was still mocking him, he forced a small grateful smile on his face. He even crinkled his eyes just enough to make it look more genuine. "Thanks. I'll keep that in my mind if I do want to talk."

She smiled warmly and previous feelings of hurt were forgotten, unaware that it had been the intention all along. "Good."

Tony kept smiling until he was sure she wouldn't be suspicious. The smiling hurt. Moving his focus back to his work, he could hear in his mind the sound of a bullet hitting someone's head and the heavy sound of a body falling down. His tortured mind kept replaying his latest nightmare even when he was awake. The evidence of how deeply involved he was becoming with this all and how big the responsibility was on his shoulders. Even if it wasn't his to bear, in his mind he couldn't see it in any other way.

_He was late again..._

What if the dream was just a foreboding of what was to come, a sign that Kate was among his ' _sorry, but you can't change it_ ' category? Would he have to once again stand next to her body, feeling hopeless. First time had been bad enough and now the memories and dreams didn't let him move on. He wasn't sure what it would do to him if he had to go through that one again...

* * *

"I'm worried."

"Yes. I have noticed that our boy has been showing signs of depression lately... I hope you will talk to Anthony, Jethro."

Gibbs glared. "Why me? I came here to ask if you knew something and if you'd talk to him. You know I'm no good with this talking business, Duck."

"Yes. I do know that, Jethro... But even you must admit the boy thinks highly of you and your opinion. Perhaps it would do good to remind him that it is alright to be human and showing weakness now and then does not mean he is weak. That, coming from you of all people, could make a world of difference."

"Ducky..."

"You know I am right. And once you have done a little reassuring, you will tell him that you will be there for him if he wants to talk to someone. Do _not_ bully him into talking to you, Jethro. If this is serious, it can do much more harm than good."

"Neither of us are good at this talking thing, Duck... I'm sure it would be much better coming from you," Gibbs tried again and Ducky glanced at his friend over the body he was working on.

"Jethro... Why are you so scared of talking to Anthony?"

"Not scared."

Ducky shook his head with a sigh. "Of course I will offer my listening ear and even a shoulder to lean on, if the boy is willing to let me in, but I am afraid I still have ways to go before I have earned back his full trust."

Gibbs flinched at the sharp tone and accusation in Ducky's voice and felt guilty for causing that in the first place. "Duck..."

"But I think he needs to know he has the full support from all of us. I am not sure if you have noticed it, but as strong as Anthony is, there is also something so heartbreakingly vulnerable in him."

"He's not—"

"I am not saying he is weak, Jethro. He is anything but weak. He is perhaps stronger than anyone I have ever met and he has more than proven it to all of us. But if I were you, I would treat him almost like porcelain right now, without making it too obvious to even yourself or he will pick it up and shut you out. What I mean is, no growling and slapping his head."

This was starting to become such a headache and too much trouble to even think about. And to think he came to see Ducky, hoping that the man would have a solution or at least something to say that would take his mind off his worry. Where were those infamous long rambles when they were needed?

"Do not give me that look, Jethro. It will go fine. As long as you are not going to make him talk against his will, you can do it your own way. If no new cases show up, give your team a day off and spend a day together. Do something relaxing. Maybe watch one of his movies with him."

"We do that and I'll be listening movie quotes till my ears bleed," Gibbs complained. It was easy for Ducky to make it sound so easy when in reality _he_ would be the one suffering. "One time was enough for me."

"If I remember correctly, he let _you_ choose the movie."

"Oh come on, Ducky. Not that again..." Gibbs muttered with a small secret smile, which was gone as soon as Ducky looked at him with his own, knowing, smile.

Unfortunately none of them ever got the chance to talk to Tony. As soon as Gibbs made it back to bullpen, they got a new case that ate up all their time and for a while even Tony's nightmares left him alone.


	51. Bête Noire Of Life

Gibbs was sitting on the hospital bed. His team—plus Abby and Ducky—was in the room with him and he studied them all silently. They were all quiet. He was pretty sure he knew what was going on inside Abby's and Ducky's heads, because they had known each other for so many years. He wasn't too sure what Kate's problem was. And Tony...

Tony was leaning against the wall, his back toward the others in the room so the others couldn't see his face. Although he was seemingly looking outside the window, with the lights inside and the darkness outside, he couldn't see anything out there and his mind was elsewhere, on this day and his actions or rather the lack of actions.

He'd finally made the decision. The decision to do nothing and just pray and hope that he could count on his dream. Thankfully everything went just like 'last time' and he knew he'd done the right thing, _knew_ it had been the only thing he could have done, but it didn't make him feel any better. Not with Gibbs already slipping into his Captain Ahab mode, ready to chase after his Moby Dick, without seeing anything else. Not when he knew how guilty Kate was feeling again, for not having killed Ari when she had the chance. Not when Abby looked like a shadow of her usual self. Not when Gerald was afraid of his own shadow and Ducky... Ducky looked so old and tired.

"Go home and get some rest. All of you," Gibbs finally spoke. After a few murmured complaints from the exhausted people, they finally started leaving one by one. "Tony, wait."

Tony stopped at the door and turned around. "Boss?"

"I need to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me. Can you do that?"

Closing the door, Tony walked next to the bed. "What is it?"

Narrowing his eyes, Gibbs studied the young man, hoping he was wrong. "What happened today... Could or could you not have stopped this from happening?"

Tony stared at the man with a blank face and cursed his luck in his mind. This was another thing he had dreaded would happen...

"Answer me, DiNozzo!"

Tony faced the anger with calmness that didn't match his conflicting feelings inside. "Yes."

Gibbs cursed and took hold of the closest thing he could—a glass of water—and threw it at the wall. Tony didn't flinch at the action, but only because he knew the old man too well and had seen the signs before it happened.

Giving him a dark look, Tony squared his shoulders. "Trust me, Gibbs. If you knew what I know, you would thank me."

" _Thank_ you!?"

"This was the only way. You have to trust me that I know what I'm doing." Of course he secretly still hoped he wasn't wrong.

"Trust!?"

"Gibbs—"

"Get out!"

Tony left the room without a word or looking back, but once outside and the door was firmly closed, he hit his fist toward the wall. He stopped at the last moment. He couldn't afford to lose the use of his good hand, especially now. Instead of a fist, he hit the palm of his hand against the wall and it stung. It wasn't enough, but it had to do for now.

Cursing Ari, cursing Gibbs, cursing his dream and cursing his life in general, Tony left the hospital and went straight to work. First he had to blow off some steam of his own at the gym and then he would do his paperwork. Always paperwork. Hopefully Gibbs would be more forgiving by the morning. If not, then they had a bigger problem to deal with.

* * *

"What's wrong with Gibbs..?" Kate whispered, even though their boss had just stormed out to get some coffee.

Tony chuckled humorlessly. "He's Gibbs. That's what's wrong... It's about our mystery man."

She flinched. "Oh..."

Tony watched as she was suddenly busy working. "Kate... You need to stop blaming yourself."

"You don't understand!" she snapped and then lowered her voice, looking at him in desperation. " _I had him_... _One_ small move and we wouldn't be in this situation."

Oh, he understood her far better than she would ever know... "So why didn't you?"

"I... I don't know... His eyes..."

Shaking his head, Tony sighed. "You need to leave it behind. Next time you'll know better and know to look beyond what your heart tells you. Despite the popular belief, heart fails you, you know. And I'm not talking about a heart attack."

She knew what he wasn't saying out loud. What neither of them spoke about. There was a patter forming. She'd already been in similar situation before, with Suzanne McNeil. After that traumatic experience, she really should've known better. "I doubt there will be a next time."

"Trust me. There will be."

"How would you know?"

"We have Gibbs as our boss. That's all we need to know."

"Fair enough..." Kate muttered. After a moment of silence between the two and some more working, she looked up again. "Tony... Thanks..."

He smiled sadly, wondering how much she would really thank him if she knew what Gibbs knew. It wasn't hard to understand that the boss was mad at him for doing what he did and now they were all suffering from it. Not just because of Ari, but because of _his_ actions...

* * *

The case was finally done and they were all on their way home. All but Gibbs that is. He just sat there, staring at the computer screen as it kept flashing those images, trying to identify their mystery man, or Ari as his name was.

"Tony," he spoke before the young man could follow after Kate.

Tony returned grudgingly. He had unpleasant feeling of where this was going. It wasn't Gibbs trying to be nice to him or even trying to fix the ice-cold wall that had been built between them. No, this was Gibbs trying to once again use him for his own agenda. And Tony knew all too well that by the time the worst part of 'Ahab mode' would be over, Gibbs would start having regrets and maybe even try in his own way to 'fix things', which was ignoring the past and acting like everything was good again for a while. The problem was that Tony didn't know if he even had the mental strength nor will to keep playing the game again... Their relationship felt like it kept always going from bad to good and then bad again, as if someone was messing around with the script of their life.

Gibbs pointed at the picture of Ari on his computer screen. "You know who he is? His name? Where he's from? Anything?" His voice was demanding. Assuming. Probably thinking that time had done its work on his agent to make him more gullible or something.

Tony didn't say anything, just kept his mask firmly on his face. He then shook his head. "No."

"Who is he?"

"Gibbs... You need to trust me on this... I can't—"

Gibbs cursed and then snarled at him. "Go home."

"You know... It's funny how until now you haven't put your full trust in my dreams, not that I blame you. _I_ wouldn't put my trust in something like that either if I wasn't the one living with it... But now that it suits you, you suddenly decide it's a reliable source. It's so funny how your mind works sometimes. I don't need any dreams to tell me how to read it."

Gibbs stood up. "Go home. Until you decide to stop behaving like a selfish brat, I don't want to see your face."

"Boss..." Tony started, but then he stopped himself. He wasn't the one acting like some brat here. If anyone among them was a big child, both here and in the dream, then it was Gibbs. The man with his big boy tantrums when he wanted something. Like a bully on the playground, growling and slapping other kids. For a moment Tony was in awe at his sudden moment of enlightenment that he just stood there. Completely missing Gibbs growling something else at him.

"You know what... I wanted you to trust that I know what I'm doing, but you are letting yourself go again so deep in that Captain Ahab mode there's no use to try talking any sense into your head. Did you even think for a moment that maybe I'm doing what I am doing because there's a chance something worse could happen? You've been around me these years, you should know. I can't just give out his identity to you right now. There's too much at—"

"DiNozzo!"

"For what it's worth, I would have let you in on a few secrets when the time was right. So go ahead. Go Captain Ahab. Just be careful that _your_ white whale doesn't bring you down with him. I will keep doing things my own way and hoping for the best, alone, since it's all I can do now." Gibbs looked ready to throw something again, or worse, and Tony wasn't about to become the target of any flying objects. He shook his head and glanced at his boss once more. "Go home, Gibbs. Get some sleep. You get even more cranky and moody when you haven't slept enough."

Throwing his bag over his shoulder, Tony left the bullpen before his boss could get another angry word out. As he normally would, he decided to take the stairs. Now especially when there was the potential danger of getting stuck in a death chamber with furious Gibbs, who was so blinded by his anger and hunt that he couldn't see straight. Meanwhile, he would go to Gibbs's place, pack up his few things and go back to his own place. There hadn't been any signs of neither the FBI nor Voltolini after him for a while anyway. As much as the silence worried him, he couldn't stay with Gibbs any longer. It was enough when he had to see him at work.

Tony barely took few steps, when he froze at the door. You didn't have to be genius to realize she'd been listening to them talking, having had enough of how they kept her outside the biggest secrets and especially how those secrets seemed to have at least something to do with the way Gibbs behaved.

"Kate..."


	52. Walking With The Death

They say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. That hardly was the case right now, if things were not about to change and soon.

As the days after the first meeting with Ari went by, Gibbs stubbornly refused to admit that sometimes he was wrong and he really wasn't the all-knowing SOB, which he so proudly liked to be called as. That in turn had dire consequences for his SFA who was a little too used to suffering alone through the worst of what the man could throw at him. Only that this time he had in his head all the memories from his 'other life' and too much was just a little too much.

"Come on, man... I think you've had enough."

"Shu'up... don'noww me..." Tony slurred. While his speech was getting harder to understand, it got even worse when he kept changing the language to any of the languages he knew. When all those mixed up together and that added to your usual drunken speech, there was no way to understand most of what he spoke, when he did speak. Mostly he preferred to drink and stare at his glass in between of emptying it.

"Seriously. You're gonna end up with alcohol poisoning," Chris Pacci tried again as he shared concerned looks with Isaac over Tony's bent head. It was funny how heavy your head started to feel once you've had certain amount of alcohol in your system.

"Ya'nnnow... I'nnnevver as'for mu'h... Nevvvverrrrr... " Tony blinked owlishly and scowled. One moment he was raising up the glass toward his mouth and the next moment he was out like a light, head meeting the counter with a heavy thud and the now empty glass rolling on the table.

"Alright then. That'll work too... Help me?" Chris looked at Isaac and together they carried the man to Chris's car. Once Tony was safely inside, they leaned against the car with a heavy sigh escaping both of their lips.

"What's going on?" Isaac finally asked the question Tony had refused to answer him, even with all the 'magic potions'. Clearly the kid's willpower was much stronger when he really wanted, or then his tolerance had grown after tasting so many of those 'special potions' Isaac made him test out for him... The kid was bit of a daredevil when it came to tasting almost any suspicious looking invention of his.

Chris snorted, an edge of bitterness so clear even before he spoke. "Might as well tell you, before you find out from someone else another version of it... There was this guy who got away. Gibbs has turned into a real bastard and he's never been so mad at Tony before, as far as I know it. People are talking that he's blaming Tony, but it's just not possible. There's no way he _could_ have done more than what he was already doing. If there's anyone who could have done more, then it's their other Agent..."

Hearing finally the reason for his young friend's tormented eyes, Isaac's eyes flashed dangerously, but he smiled and didn't let his thoughts show up on his face until Chris was driving away. Only then did his smile turn into a scowl.

The next day Gibbs found an envelope from his mailbox and inside it a big and rusty blade _._ No fingerprints or any other such things. While Isaac's threat to Gibbs was still valid, he gave the bastard a chance to fix things and redeem himself... Not for Gibbs, but for Tony's sake.

* * *

Waking up the next morning, Tony groaned at the pounding headache, which was in sync with his heartbeat. He tried to move, just his arm, and decided that not moving was, if not good, better. "Just kill me..."

"It can't be _that_ bad." The voice belonged to Chris Pacci and Tony groaned again, seeing the man sitting next to his bed and looking amused.

"Please tell me you didn't have to drag my drunken ass to... Wherever I now am. Where am I?"

"I did. You're at my place."

Tony groaned again. "I hope I didn't give you a hard time."

"Nope. You've been out like a light since we left the bar."

"Wonderful... Isaac must think I've really hit the bottom now."

"He's only worried and so am I."

"I'm fine..."

"Oh, sure you are." Chris stood up and walked to the windows, pulling the curtains away to reveal the bright morning sun.

Tony covered his eyes with his arm and uttered a shaky curse. "You're killing me..."

Chris chuckled. After bringing Tony a glass of water, with some painkillers, he sat down again. He saw Tony eyeing the small pills suspiciously. "They won't mess with you."

Tony wondered how Chris knew about that, since he'd been very careful to not show up at work while high on the drugs that made his body betray him, but he wasn't going to ask the question now. Instead he sat up—very slowly—and took the pills and water like a good boy.

"I'm really sorry you had to see me like that, and now this. Isaac called you, didn't he?"

Chris nodded and then crossed his arms over his chest. He made a great disapproving parent act. "We need to talk."

"Can't it wait till these start working?" Tony complained. The headache was making him wish he could just whack his head off, just until the pain was over, and hide it in a closet somewhere. Dark and soundproof closet...

"I could, but I know you. You will talk yourself out of this, one way or another, so I'm sorry, but no. This is my best shot and I'm taking it, so start talking. What's going on?"

Tony sighed and lay back down, covering his eyes from the bright light again. "Gibbs... I made the mistake and trusted he could be better this time."

"This time?"

"After everything we've been through together and what he knows about me. How we were getting closer and are supposed to trust each other... You'd think he would know better, but no, he'd much rather turn into his Ahab persona and destroy all the work we have done regarding our friendship."

"The word is out that he's blaming you for what happened with that guy."

Tony snorted softly and was brave enough to expose his eyes to the light again. Bad idea, but he could live with it. He could. Once the pills started working. "Oh yeah. At blaming he is really good at. Always pointing fingers at anyone but himself... But being nice to those he claims to care about? He really sucks at it. Or maybe it really is just me... Yeah, I guess it's always been mostly me."

"Tony... Look, if you need some help or just someone to talk to, I'll be glad to help, but you still need to find other ways to deal with this."

"I'm not a drunk. I can count on one hand all the times I've gotten this drunk in my lifetime."

"I know you're not or you'd be in a hospital by now... I'm more worried about alcohol poisoning, with the amount you kept drinking."

"I just wanted to feel numb for a while, that's all. To get small relief from the daily troubles that follow me even at home... And Isaac wouldn't give me his special potions himself, so I had to sweet talk his workers when their boss wasn't looking."

Chris stood up. "Well, you better find another and healthier way. I've got some coffee in the kitchen and breakfast waiting for you. I need to go to work now."

Tony cursed in his mind when he realized Chris would be late because of him. "Man. I am so sorry."

"The only way you can prove me you're really sorry, is to not let this happen again." Chris looked serious and Tony felt even more guilty. He hadn't thought he would be bringing trouble to anyone else when drinking on his day off.

"Yeah. You're right. I'm sorry..."

"I know you are." Chris sighed and then he looked at the time.

"What are you working on?"

"Difficult case, but I'm sure I'll manage somehow."

Tony felt cold chills running through him. He stood up so fast it made his head spin and the pain blinded him for a moment, but he refused to let it beat him, even if he was probably looking a little crosseyed for a moment. "You need any help?"

Chris was about to say no, but then he saw the hopeful and determined look on Tony's face. And maybe helping with the case would give him something else to think about. "Sure. If you think you can work with a hangover."

"I've had worse."

"Right..."

Putting on his best ' _I'm not about to die from the hangover sent from hell_ ' act, Tony refused to back off. If this case was the one that would end up taking Chris's life, then he would do something about it, even if Chris wouldn't accept his help. He'd had enough of losing people. And always feeling like it was somehow his fault. Logic could tell anything, but it didn't help with the way he felt after each time. The only shadow hanging over his shoulders though—besides Gibbs—was that he was scared of who else might end up dead or hurt.

There was one clear pattern. Either someone else died instead of the one who died first or that same person died anyway. Of course it didn't happen every time—that he knew—but still way too often to ignore it. He hadn't paid much attention to it in the beginning, but the more it happened, the more he realized how dangerous it was for him to change things carelessly, especially when it was a matter of life and death. Like the Death himself wasn't pleased, until it took what was his or the next best thing.

"So tell me about this case."

"Well, it's like this..."

Tony knew that he would indeed be able to help with this case. Both because of his own skills and because of what he already knew of the case and Hamilton Voss—aka Amanda Reed—but by eliminating certain events from what would've happened, they would end up walking on a very unfamiliar territory... And that meant anything could happen. If only Gibbs would understand and let him explain that with the case of Ari it was even more dangerous and he had to be even more careful what he did... Too many people were involved in that case.

* * *

A few days later both men had managed to fool the Death, one time each, and then there was Voss. Perhaps that was why the Death got so mad at him... With great deal of guilt, Tony wished he could say he would've done something differently, but he couldn't...

With his gun in his sweaty hand, Chris wondered how he'd messed this up. With Tony's help, they had solved the case, which was something he hadn't dared to even hope for at one point. It still baffled him how this woman had turned out to be a bad guy. _Literally_ a guy who now looked like a woman, so anyone could've been fooled, but he still blamed himself for not noticing anything sooner. One wrong move was all it took... He had looked away for just a moment. Not even looked, but just glanced.

"Voss. Let him go."

Voss held the gun tighter against Tony's head. "He ruined everything! He wasn't supposed to know! How did he know!?"

Chris kept his calm, although it was a question in his mind also. "He's a cop, that's what they do, find out things."

While the two of them were talking, Tony took his chances and hit the hand holding the gun away. Or he tried anyway, but what he forgot was that while Voss may have looked like a woman now, he was still born a man, plus there was the previous training from his days as a Lieutenant Commander. So Voss was much stronger than one would think.

"Tony!" Chris could only watch in horror as the young Agent and Voss ended up on the floor. There was a big struggle where Tony first tried to get the gun and then to get away and Voss did everything to get back to their previous positions. While they struggled, the gun went off, but thankfully no one got hurt.

"You alright?" Chris kept his eyes on Voss, who was still holding the gun and now stood up slowly, while Tony slowly backed away.

"I'm fine," came the patented reply.

Chris frowned, hoping it wasn't anything too serious. His worries were forgotten when faster than he could react, Voss moved a gun to his own head and pulled the trigger. He wasn't going to let them get him, no matter what. The moment it happened, the weapon flew on the floor. Looking in his eyes, Tony had seen the decision that he'd seen too many times before, and once again he acted without hesitation.

"No..!"

Tony held the struggling, but very much alive, Voss against the floor. Holding out his other hand, he accepted the handcuffs from Chris and cuffed Voss none too gently. The knowledge of what would've happened—and the memory from his dream of them kissing before that knowledge—was all too raw in his mind right now.

"Get off me!"

"Don't worry. You're not my type," Tony answered dryly and Voss hissed at him. Tony was glad he had not only saved Chris, but also kept Voss alive. Maybe it wasn't a case of life for a life this time...

"Let's get going then," Chris muttered. Having picked up the weapon from the floor, he helped Tony take Voss in the car, leaving the terrified and curious onlookers at the bar stare after them. Tony sat on the backseat with the resentful looking Voss and kept his eyes on him. He wasn't taking any chances. Especially when anything could still happen.

Later, they saw the news of the bar they had taken Voss from. The entire building had collapsed, killing two people and injuring many. Apparently there was something wrong with the foundation of the building. Tony, after finding out, felt nauseous and guilty. Although he didn't let the urge get hold of him—he wasn't going to become his parents—going to the bottle had felt all too tempting again. The relief over his victory of saving two lives, without any other human lives taken, had turned into a bitter self-hatred that wouldn't be gone anytime soon.

* * *

The first thing Kate noticed the next morning was Tony's patched up forehead. "What happened?"

Looking up from the paper airplane that he was making, Tony smiled wryly. "I fell."

Chris snorted behind the woman, startling her. "Don't believe him, Kate. He was grazed by a bullet."

"Thank you very much." Tony threw the airplane at Chris, but it merely flew right past the man's shoulder and Chris looked something between amused and irritated.

"Next time, don't hide a serious injury. Or don't get injured at all."

"It was a graze."

"I'm not talking about the graze, but all that blood you left on the backseat."

"Head wounds, Chris. _Head wounds_."

Bemused, Kate was just about to ask more. Like _when_ had DiNozzo found the time to almost get killed again, when they hadn't even worked on a case for a few days. But just as she opened her mouth, the elevator doors opened. The playful banter was gone in an instant when Gibbs stepped in the bullpen. It was like he was the bad energy or a black hole, sucking in everything positive and leaving behind only the heavy atmosphere.

Saying his quiet ' _good luck_ ', Chris turned his back on Gibbs, who merely raised his eyebrow at the flash of anger that he saw just a moment before Chris turned away from him.

Stepping on the paper airplane on the floor, Gibbs picked it up and glared at his team. Seeing both his agents hard at work and not even looking up to greet their boss, Gibbs threw it in the trashcan next to his desk and sat down. Seeing DiNozzo with his patched up head, he frowned for a moment and almost started worrying, but he then dismissed it quickly. He wasn't yet ready to forgive the man or ready to listen to his excuses. Like a stubborn old fool, he was blinded by his fury toward Ari. He didn't understand yet the damage this would leave behind.

Seeing a new email from Kate in his mailbox, Tony opened it, having no trouble making it look like he was still doing his work. With their boss, you could never be too careful.

**_'Are you sure it's nothing serious and you're not lying to me about it?_ **   
**_I'm sure Gibbs would understand if you took a day off. Was it really just a graze? '_ **   


Tony held back his urge to roll his eyes and typed quickly his response, after making sure Gibbs wasn't paying any attention. Again, you could never be too careful.

_**'Sure, he'd understand. He'll kill me himself. Yes, I'm fine. It really was just a graze. I'll explain later.  
Get back to work now. I have a feeling this is gonna hurt us both if 2nd B.F.B. catches us unawares.' **_

Unlike Tony, Kate didn't hold back her urge to roll her eyes, which of course didn't go unnoticed by Gibbs who had kept and eye on them without making it too obvious.

"Something wrong with your eyes, Kate?" Gibbs growled, startling Kate who smiled nervously.

"Just something I read."

"Less talking and more working," was the simple growled answer.

Kate frowned, but before she could get back to work or write Tony her reply, she got another email from him. She was almost afraid to read it under the watchful eyes of their boss, but somehow managed to cover up what she was doing.

_**'I'll be fine. Work hard. The bear has its ass on fire today.  
Trust me. Follow my lead and we'll be fine. Maybe.' **_

She marveled how he could look so normal while she was pretty sure Gibbs could see what they were doing from where he sat, even without looking at them. Praying for Gibbs to not notice anything, she sent a message to Tony.

_**'I'm worrying, but it's your own fault. You're the one who hides or tries to hide the injuries from everyone.  
If you say it's ' just a graze ', I can't help but worry you're going to die while doing the paperwork.' **_

Tony looked at Kate wearily. Hoping she would just let it go for now. Gibbs would sooner or later find out and then all hell would break loose. He wasn't looking forward to that. At least she had bought his explanation about the conversation between him and Gibbs...

* * *

_**\- FLASHBACK -** _

_"Tony..." Kate was uncertain what the odd look on Tony's face meant. It was one she hadn't seen before and then it was gone too soon for her to try study it._

_"How much did you hear?"_

_She hesitated to answer. "Everything..."_

_"So? Was it worth it?"_

_"I'm sorry... No, really. I am," Kate added, when he snorted at her apology. "I guess I... I wanted to understand. You two have some big secrets, which you don't tell me about, and to a certain point that's fine. I don't like it, but I can accept it... But now Gibbs is so... He's such a... He's never treated you like this before."_

_"Sure he has. You've just never been around to see it."_

_Kate frowned, confused. If this wasn't the first time, then why..? "Why are you still working with him then?"_

_"Loyalty?" Tony knew that while it had been true in the 'past', now he had no such chains holding him back. While the chains were there again, this time they were there for a different reason._

_"I'd say you're an idiot if that really is the case. No one deserves that kind of loyalty."_

_They sat down on the stairway and it took Kate several attempts before she got her next question out. "What did you mean by your 'dream'? Why is he blaming you? You did more than almost anyone else. Right after Gibbs. Certainly way more than_ I _did... If Gibbs wants to blame someone, then he should blame me..."_

_Tony shrugged. "He's Gibbs. Our bastard of a boss. Although to be honest I'm not sure what to think when even he proudly calls himself that... Sometimes he acts like a dimwit, but those are his own parents he's dishonoring."_

_"I've never thought about it that way... But don't try to change the subject, DiNozzo."_

_"Wouldn't dream of it." Tony batted his eyelashes mockingly at her. Before he even knew what he would tell her, ironically, Gibbs's rule 7 came to his mind. '_ Always be specific when you lie _.'  
_

_"Before this happened, I had a dream... One of those scarily similar to what later ends up happening. Well, you know I was staying at Gibbs's place. He was around when I woke up from a nightmare and I told him about the dream. Of course no one else would think much about it, but now he has this idea in his head that I could have done something to stop the guy. Then there's also the fact that I have seen his picture once and have heard of him, but because the guy works for the people who wouldn't let us do anything about it, my hands are tied... People like the ones_ we _work for. Gibbs doesn't understand, or care, about the position I've been put in with this. He won't accept that I simply_ can't _do anything. I want to, but I can't. If I had to put a name on this whole thing I'd say 'need to know' covers it pretty well." Tony narrowed his eyes at her. "And this is the only time I will explain myself to you. That conversation was none of your business. I hear you so much as mentioning about this to anyone and you will find out I can be scarier than Gibbs. I've had plenty of practice."_

_Kate had a feeling there was more than what he told her, but since he already explained to her more than he even had to, she decided to play it safe and drop it. It was enough that Gibbs was in a lousy mood. Didn't need to add there Tony too. With a small shudder, she nodded. "What are you going to do now then..?"_

_"Do my job. That's what I was hired for, Kate. To do my job. If Gibbs wants me to do more, he needs to find a new SFA."_

_"You wouldn't leave, would you...?"_

_Tony stood up. "Go home, Kate. Don't let work become all you are. Go watch a movie or go out with your friends or go on a date. Spend time with your family. Do something—anything—that has nothing to do with this place."_

_"Tony..."_

_He walked away, knowing there was more she wanted to say, but frankly he was fed up. He was getting tired of 'dancing' around people. Always worrying what_ they _think and_ _feel. Had it not been for Ari and a few other situations like that, he would've left the moment Gibbs so much as looked at him the wrong way..._

* * *

And as much as he wanted to leave, he knew he couldn't do it. Not just yet. There was still too much at stake.

So for a little while longer, he would allow himself to slip back into the Tony from his dream. He would use one of his numerous masks, do his work and live his life the way only he could, and tolerate Gibbs. But by the time he felt it safe enough to leave, he wouldn't hesitate this time. Because God help him if he would...


	53. Jimmy

James Palmer—Jimmy to his friends—had wondered what kind of people worked at the NCIS. Asking anyone questions about it hadn't really helped him either, as it seemed very few even knew what NCIS was. The only image he'd had was that it was something like the FBI, but by the time he finally found himself inside the big building on his first day, his neat and institute like images in his head were gone after just a few hours of working there.

The first thing that he had seen when he stepped inside the building was a goth, but he figured she probably was someone's daughter, visiting her parent. He then later discovered that she was their lab goth called Abby. He thought he'd really seen it all by the time he finally met doctor Mallard.

While he was a little uncertain how to be around the man, he was already starting to like doctor Mallard, or Ducky as the man demanded to be called as. Even with his endless stories and the way he was talking to the dead. It was odd, but also fascinating. As happy as Jimmy was how quickly doctor Mallard had accepted him, it made him just a little wary at first. Especially the way the old man was treating him, like an old friend and not someone you just met. He didn't know much about the previous assistant, only that he got injured and wasn't returning. He found himself secretly wondering if the other assistant had also been accepted this easily.

And then there was that strange moment when he met doctor Mallard for the first time...

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_Stepping in the room, at first Ducky didn't notice the fidgety young man standing there. He slowly took off his coat and sighed, wishing for the umpteenth time that his old friend would finally pull his head out of the land where no sun ever shineth. For all Jethro's faults and growling when he ought not, Ducky was used to the man being who he was. But when the infamous bastard had made up his mind on something, there was no telling whether he would change his mind or not. He rarely—if ever—did.  
_

_"Um... Doctor Mallard..?"_

_Startled by the nervous and young voice, Ducky finally turned around, seeing a young man standing in the room with him. His round glasses only made him look even more awkward. Still, looking at the kid Ducky could tell he would like him. Gut feeling, as Jethro would say... "Yes? And you are..?"_

_"James Palmer. I... Uh... I am your..." the kid stuttered nervously. Ducky waited patiently and taking a deep breath, Palmer finally got it out. "I'm your new assistant, doctor Mallard."_

_Well, he'd guessed that much... Ducky mused with a small smile. "It is Ducky to you, James."_

_"R-right. Ducky. You can call me Jimmy."_

_Ducky's eyes widened, as he remembered hearing Anthony mentioning that name before. The smile on Ducky's face disappeared for a moment, but then he smiled again and wider than before. The name had never been mentioned with any bitterness or hurt as with all the other names from the 'dream'. Stepping closer, Ducky took Palmer's hand in his hands and gently shook it. "It is my pleasure to finally meet you." Leaving bemused Palmer staring at him, he turned away. "Now if you do not mind, we have work to do. Our guests can wait forever, but the living will not."_

* * *

Jimmy looked up when the door opened and a man with piercing blue eyes stepped in the room. The gentle look in Ducky's eyes disappeared and Jimmy watched with amazement as the old doctor straightened up to his whole height and by some miracle maybe even more.

"Jethro." Ducky pursed his lips. He wanted to say so much and more, but with his new assistant eagerly listening while trying to not appear doing so, he wasn't about to get into shouting match with Jethro.

"You got anything for me?" Gibbs asked, nodding toward the body on one of the tables.

"If I had, I would have called you."

"Ducky..."

"I will call you," Ducky said and turned around, ignoring the Agent.

Gibbs glared at his back, but when it became clear that he wouldn't be getting anything else, he sighed. "What's wrong with you? Would you finally stop this?"

Ducky turned around and slammed an organ against the table with a loud smack. Jimmy flinched at it and silently retreated to the other end of the room, now _trying_ to not listen anything, but it didn't exactly work when both men raised their voices at each other.

"You know _perfectly_ well why I am mad at you, Jethro! You are doing the poor boy great injustice and there is no telling what damage this will do to him, and to your relationship with him!"

"He's been coming to you? He got something against me, he better speak it to my face!" Gibbs growled.

"Oh, I marvel what a big fool you have turned out to be, Jethro. You _swore_ to me in this very room that you will do whatever it takes to get him to open up to you! To get him to _trust_ you! I find it marvelous indeed that it happened only a couple of days before that madman entered into our lives."

"He—"

"Do _not_ even try to tell me that Anthony could have done more! You know it _—_ if you are willing to admit—that this is far more complex than either one of us can even begin to imagine! Did you even allow him to explain?"

Gibbs shook his head wordlessly. He turned around and left the room without another word.

"Jethro!" Ducky was furious, but instead of following after the man, he muttered something about him, with a very brutal choice of words. "Coward."

Once it seemed like it was safe again, Jimmy walked slowly back to the body, which they'd been working on before Gibbs entered the room. "Um... Doctor Mallard..? Who—?"

"Not now, James," Ducky snapped.

"I'm sorry, doctor Mallard..."

Ducky sighed and then he smiled tiredly. "I am so sorry, my boy. That was not nice of me... It is Jethro I am mad at, not you."

"It's okay, doctor Mallard. I understand. And it's not my business to know what that was about. I promise I won't mention it again."

"Did I not tell you to call me Ducky?" Ducky smiled gently and Jimmy blushed.

"Sorry, doctor Ma— Ducky. It's hard to remember..."

"That is alright. I will keep reminding you until you get used to it."

The two of them went back to work and while there was still slight tension in the air, Ducky was back to his gentle self.

* * *

Later that week, Jimmy was alone at the morgue. Cleaning up after the work they had done on several bodies. Ducky had been called somewhere, so this was his chance to try to impress his new boss by making sure things were as clean as he could make them to be. Even if there was always a big chance that even before he could enjoy the results, they'd get another body...

With his earphones and music on and completely focused doing his work, Jimmy didn't notice when the door opened.

Tony stepped in the morgue, hoping for some solace in Ducky, but then he saw Jimmy there and he couldn't stop the smile that spread on his face. Walking closer, he touched Jimmy's shoulder. "Jimbo."

Poor Jimmy, he jumped and turned around screaming. "Don't hurt me..!"

Maybe it was because he was so tired and hadn't had any good reason to smile lately. Or maybe it was because it felt so good to see Palmer again. Leaning heavily against the squeaky clean table, Tony started laughing.

Holding his hand over his heart, Jimmy finally removed the earphones. After a while the color was finally starting to return on his face. His heart took a little longer to no longer try to jump out of his chest though. "No offense, but could you please not do that in here..? I know they're dead, but just the very thought..." Jimmy shuddered and Tony still laughed.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to scare you. Honest."

Shaking his head, as the embarrassment was finally settling in, Jimmy smiled. "It's alright... It was my fault that I didn't pay any attention to my surroundings. For all I know, I could end up getting murdered in here if I don't pay any attention."

The smile looked suddenly frozen on Tony's face. "Don't even joke about it. Especially not here..."

"Sorry?"

Shaking his head, Tony held out his hand. "I'm Tony."

"Oh. Right. I saw you with Agent Gibbs. You're Agent DiNozzo." Jimmy took the hand in his and they shook hands.

"Tony... So tell me, Jimmy, what's the movie?" At Jimmy's confusion, Tony smiled widely. "The movie that got you in the horror movie mindset."

"Oh! How did you know..?"

Taking a seat on the floor, Tony enjoyed himself as Jimmy started telling him about the movie he saw last night. It was almost like Jimmy was David to his Saul, talking away the torment in his mind. Thankfully their friendship had been more of a David and Jonathan, and not David and Saul... So did that make Gibbs his king Saul then..? Not quite, but close enough... It couldn't have been a better time, to have his good friend from the dream enter his life 'again'. Sitting there, Tony felt himself relax and for a moment the heaviness in his heart disappeared.


	54. It Blinds You

"Clear!" their voices echoed through the house as they made sure it was secure.

"The whole place has been cleaned out, so I think it's safe to say that 'clear' is pretty accurate. Looks like the only thing that was left behind is the dust," Tony jested when he joined Gibbs and Kate in the living room.

"You think, DiNozzo? Say something I don't know," Gibbs snapped and Tony barely hid his wince from them. The longer the case of Ari went on, the worse their boss became. "Do something productive for a change and make sure he hasn't left anything behind."

"Boss, I swear I looked and even _triple_ checked every—"

"Do it, DiNozzo! Turn over the house if you have to, but get me some results! I want this bastard!"

"With all respect, Gibbs, but you're not the only one who—"

"Today, DiNozzo!"

Glaring daggers—which wasn't something the old DiNozzo would've done so easily—Tony left the room, leaving Kate standing in the room with their boss. Since there was nothing else to throw, Gibbs threw his hat on the floor.

"Gibbs..." she finally spoke as Gibbs went so far as knocking at the walls, hoping to find something.

"What?" he snapped again and she winced.

"Were you lying to me?"

He stopped what he was doing, but instead of repeating himself, the look on his face said it. She hoped he would go back to speaking out loud, however unpleasant it was...

"I thought you said he's like a son to you, but the way you treat him lately... You have been much nicer to some of those criminals we've been after. He's done nothing to deserve this. If you do this to Tony, then I should receive tenfold. I... _I_ let him go, Gibbs. I could have killed him, but I didn't."

Gibbs stared at her silently. He never got the chance to say or do anything, because that's when they heard a loud crash. Running in the kitchen, they saw that there was a hole in the floor. They couldn't see Tony at first, but then heard his voice.

"So, you were right, boss. There is more to this house than what you'd think at first. But it's still empty even down here."

"Tony... It's so _you_ to find something like this. Isn't it?"

Tony winced in pain. "Ha-ha... Very funny, Kate. Would you mind..? I could use a hand or two."

The smile was gone and Kate rushed to help him, but Gibbs was faster. Moving past her, he knelt down and held out his hand. Luckily the hole wasn't too deep.

For a while Tony only stared at the hand. He went through all the available options in his mind and unsurprisingly there wasn't many for him to choose from. He could try to get out on his own, but he had managed to at least twist his ankle. He could ask Kate to help him, but he was a little unsure how well she would do. _No offense, Kate_... He could let Gibbs help him, but who knew if the bastard decided to drop him again and then leave him to rot? Then there was the option number four. He could stay there and wait till—

"Just take the hand, DiNozzo!" Gibbs growled when his Agent kept staring at the hand with a deep frown on his face. And now he felt stupid for doing this so eagerly. Plus, his bad knee was starting to hurt.

Looking from the hand to Gibbs, Tony looked suspicious and Gibbs felt strange aching in him at the sudden realization. DiNozzo was looking at him like taking that hand would make a bomb blow him up. He was looking at his boss like he would be punished if he'd accept the help.

"Boss, I think I'll—"

"Take the hand. We don't have a whole day," Gibbs spoke almost softly this time, but Tony figured he was imagining things.

"Actually— Nevermind..." Tony muttered and very carefully he stood up. The moment when he even tried to put some of his weight on the hurt foot, he nearly fell over, as the pain was much worse than what he thought it was going to be. Gibbs didn't waste any moment and as soon as Tony took hold of his hand, he pulled him up without any warning. Tony hadn't been prepared for the sudden movement and so a pained hiss left his mouth.

"DiNozzo?" Gibbs frowned and wondering at first if he had pulled too hard, but then he saw the way his Agent was very careful with his other foot. "Did you hurt yourself?" Gibbs moved closer, but Tony pulled his foot out of his reach, despite the pain such sudden movement caused him again. Looking at Kate, Tony was grateful when the woman got his silent and even desperate message.

"I'll help him to the car, Gibbs," Kate spoke and with her help Tony got up on his good foot, although he was leaning heavily against her. Neither saw the pained look as they left Gibbs standing there, feeling and somehow even looking useless.

"Thanks..." Tony said to her quietly once she had helped him inside the car. With some painkillers, which Tony promised he'd take, he could wait for Kate and Gibbs to finish first and only then return to the Navy Yard.

Kate nodded and then pointed at her bag inside the car. "If you get hungry, I've got some food in there."

"Not tofu, is it..?" Tony made a face. As healthy as he had started to eat, despite the occasional pizza now and then, he really didn't understand tofu... It couldn't possibly be meant for people to eat.

"No, not tofu, you pizza freak. I've got some fruits in there. I'm sure you'll like them."

"Yeah, yeah..." Tony waved his hand dismissively. "Thanks, Kate."

"Behave. I'll go see if Gibbs has started removing the floorboards... And _please_ don't try to play the tough guy. If you start hurting too much, let us know... Or just let _me_ know. I'll deal with Gibbs."

"Right. Good luck with that..."

She glared. "I'll think of something."

With Kate gone, Tony had plenty of time and silence to think and he hated it. He did feel a little hungry, but he didn't feel like reaching toward the bag. With the painkillers forgotten, he tried to find somewhat comfortable position and he sighed.

The truth was that he had noticed the floor disappearing under his feet. It was just a second or two before he went down with it, but it was enough. He could have avoided falling down... It was rather telling that he was willing to get hurt, just to get away from his boss. Even if it was just for a moment. Although he hadn't thought he would actually twist his ankle... Well, he got what he ordered so he might just as well suck it up...

"What have you done to me, Gibbs..?" he muttered softly.

As the time went by, Tony was starting to have a very strong feeling of being watched. It was the same feeling he'd had since leaving Gibbs's place, but this was the first time he had the same feeling while working on a case. Like all the other times before, he didn't see anyone or anything out of place, but he took out his trusted SIG either way. Only then could he relax again, or at least lie to himself that he wasn't so bothered by it.

* * *

"Does he hate me..?" McGee whispered to Abby as Tony barely even acknowledged them.

It was a few days later and they were all working on the case of Ari again and now the man had Kate. It didn't make Gibbs any nicer to those around him, since one of his own had been taken. Tony of course knew how it would go _—_ he hoped he did _—_ but it didn't make him worry any less. Especially now that he wished he hadn't willingly let himself get hurt or he could be out there, watching Gibbs's back. And with him stuck here and Gibbs out there, things were already happening differently. Almost anything could happen now... He was starting to go crazy with worry and the constant whispering between McGee and Abby didn't help him relax one bit. Did they honestly think he couldn't hear them?

"I wouldn't worry about him. It's the Bossman we have to worry about if you don't have something for him soon," Abby answered.

Since in her eyes Gibbs was the most special and loved of them all, and could do no wrong and basically shot out rainbows out of his you-know-where, when the man had gone on the rampage Abby had happily joined him. Her blind loyalty overrode simple logic. Meaning if Gibbs didn't like DiNozzo, then neither did she. Not that she was straight out letting it show, especially around the others, but Tony knew her well enough to be able to tell what her small changes in their 'friendship' meant.

He wasn't surprised. In fact he had been _expecting_ it. So it didn't even hurt this time. Well, not as much as it used to in the 'past-future'. Instead, he gave her just as much as she gave him. Not ' _I'll punish you for your childish behavior_ ', but also not rewarding her either. He knew better than to try either one of the two with her. If it didn't come from Gibbs, it wouldn't matter what he did. It would be a complete waste of his time and energy.

While the other two kept doing their loud whispering, Tony was sitting behind his desk and staring quietly at the flashing images as the computer was still trying to identify Ari. He knew it was only a matter of time now before they all had the knowledge. With dread, he wondered how Gibbs was going to react this time, knowing now for sure that he had known Ari's identity all along. Oh, why did he have to mention the name to the old man before..? Such a moment of weakness was simply not acceptable. He should have known better...

Abby looked at Tony with a frown as she was wondering why he was acting like Gibbs. Did he think he would gain some good points in their eyes? Well, it was too late. He should have thought about it before Gibbs became all growly and scary. And now Kate was gone. If either one of the two got hurt, she would never forgive him.

"I can feel you staring at me, Abby. What do you want?" Tony spoke calmly. What he really wanted to do was to adopt Gibbs's growling and snapping at everyone behavior for a while, but if he did that, he'd most likely be lucky to not get fired. After all, 'he was not Gibbs'. Thank God for that... It meant he was still able to see the tree from the forest.

Abby crossed her arms over her chest. "Look... Whatever you did or said to Bossman, apologize already. We all have to suffer because of this, whatever it is that's going on between you two. So let go of your stupid pride and just give him what he wants. Please. It's destroying our family. It's hard to focus doing my work when he keeps snapping even at me. Gibbs doesn't do that."

In other words: ' _Gibbs doesn't do that to me_ '. Only apparently he did. Well, that was different. Whether it was a good different or bad different, it was unclear at the moment...

Tony finally looked away from the computer screen. Something in his eyes made her take a startled step back. Only the desk behind her stopped her from going any farther. McGee was still the new guy and not even working there yet, but even he could feel the ugly atmosphere and the sudden warning signals going off.

"We're no family, Abigail. Never were. We're just coworkers, barely even that, you and I. I don't know where you got the idea of a 'family' from, but since when have we been anything like that? Maybe you and Gibbs are a family, but I've certainly got no room in that little world of yours and that's fine by me. But if you for even one moment think that we're anything more..." Shaking his head, Tony stood up. He couldn't do this. Couldn't even look at her anymore.

"Tony... But I thought we're..." Abby sounded so hurt, but he ignored her doe-eyed look. It held no power over him anymore.

"I'm going to see Ducky. You got anything new, Agent McGee, you call me. Other than that, don't bother me."

"Y-yes sir..." McGee muttered.

"And stop calling me sir."

"Yes si— Agent DiNozzo..."

Once Tony was gone, McGee looked at Abby, who was frowning again. "Is it always like this?"

"Hm? What is?"

"The people in here? The work? Agent Gibbs?"

"No. Not at all. They are just having a bad day. That's all..."

He didn't look convinced. "Okay..."

Meanwhile, Tony walked in the morgue and noticed Ducky and Jimmy working on some dissected bodies. With a flashback, he remembered them to be the ones that would eventually lead to a case Ducky had been part of in the past. For a moment he calculated his next move again, but then decided against it. For now anyway. Besides, it wouldn't do any good if he would just give out the answers without anyone having to work for it. Still, it made him feel a little guilty. Just like always when he had the 'power' to do something, but chose not to.

"Anthony. You should not be walking around. I told you to rest your foot. That running around you did today, certainly did not help either..."

"Sure thing, Ducky... But it's much better already, so you can stop worrying... How's it going, Jimbo?"

Jimmy looked uncertain and then he smiled. It still baffled him how friendly Agent DiNozzo was being toward him. Not that he minded of course. "I'm getting used to this. Even if this one is a little bit more bizarre than what I thought I'd be working on..."

"Ah... Good luck on that..." Tony smirked and then sat down on a chair, when Ducky pointed at it.

"Jethro has still not returned yet? Or called you?" Ducky finally asked. At Tony's slow headshake, he tutted. "That fool... When I get my hands on him..."

Glancing at Ducky's hands, Tony was tempted to give him his blessing for it. But he didn't want to be the cause for the two old friends to forever be walking circles around each other, when they didn't argue instead. "Ducky. It's fine. He made his choice and now we just live with it. Let it go."

"Anthony..."

"Please. I really don't want to dwell on this more than I already do..."

Ducky opened his mouth again, but Tony was saved by his phone ringing. It was McGee's excited voice telling him they finally knew the name of the mystery man, aka Ari Haswari. "I'll be right up... Stay in your pants, McGee. It's just a name... When Gibbs returns or calls us, he's going to want so much more than that. He wants to know even things like what he had for breakfast and what's his favorite color. Get back to work." Ending the call before McGee could say anything else.

Tony sighed and counted to ten, slowly, before calling Gibbs...

* * *

 

By the time the case was over and done with—being almost identical to how it 'originally' went—they were all feeling the weight of it on their shoulders. And needless to say, the way it ended left bitter aftertaste in their mouths. There was no joy in catching the bad guy and being unable to do anything about it. Once again Tony found it difficult to keep his mouth shut, wanting to blurt out everything he knew. Thankfully Ari hadn't changed his plans 'this time', unfortunately for Marta the woman whose body now was at the morgue, but much rather her than Kate, like it had been in Gibbs's nightmares and Tony's very real 'nightmares'. Of course neither man knew about the other's nightmares about Kate and her death.

As he was now standing there and looking at his white whale, Gibbs was almost shaking with rage. How could he let this man go? How? He would love nothing more than to put a bullet through the scumbag's brains. Instead he had to tolerate that self pleased look and have the man act like nothing could touch him. A true bastard who knew they were powerless. That he, Gibbs, was powerless. He was so deep in his angry thoughts and imagining how to end this that he barely even listened to whatever nonsense came out of the bastard's mouth.

"If not pride then what? Love of country? Sense of duty? I'm sure they exist in you, but what burns is pride my friend," Ari spoke and he looked at Gibbs with amusement. It was never a good sign when a bad guy was speaking some words of truth.

Gibbs had to clench his teeth as he looked at the man he'd been after. The man who had made him forget the things that were much more important. Forgot the young man who mattered to him much more than Ari Haswari ever could. Gibbs didn't even dare to think what could have happened had Ari chosen to go after DiNozzo instead of Kate. It put fear in him and regret at the though that _if_ something worse would've happened, he would've had to live rest of his life with the knowledge of how he had treated the young man before his death. What would Shannon do or tell him, had she been alive..? He kept taking for granted the people he cared about and look where that got him, each and every time... What would the price have to be for him to finally learn his lesson? The most likely answer to his question terrified him.

Thanking silently whoever had looked after Tony, and all his people, Gibbs glared at Ari. It would be so easy to kill the bastard now... _So easy_... Surely it would get rid of several problems at once... 

* * *

_**\- FLASHBACK -** _

_"I need you to never forget two names: Ari Haswari and Ziva David... If you ever do hear anything about them, run as fast as you can. And_ don't _go all Captain Ahab, Gibbs... Not again... You don't know the two the way I do, and if it's up to me, you never will..."_  


* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_"Did you even think for a moment that maybe I'm doing what I am doing, because there's a chance something worse could happen?"_

* * *

Remembering Tony's words to him was the only thing that truly stopped him from doing what he really wanted. With the deepest regret, Gibbs shot Ari in his left shoulder. What he wanted was to do something so much more permanent and painful.

"Just wanted to help you convince Al-Qaeda," Gibbs told him and left the room. Ari laughing behind him made it only that much harder to not turn around and put another bullet in his head, between his eyes, just like the man had done to the dead woman in the room. But he had another mission... Well, two actually.

First, he'd have to deal with Fornell and then he had to find Tony. He had amends to make, but he was afraid it might be already too late... God, he prayed he wasn't too late...

* * *

Making sure that his car doors were locked, Tony walked toward his apartment. His phone was ringing in his pocket again, but he ignored it. Gibbs had been calling him almost nonstop since they got Ari. He'd even been leaving him text messages! On another day, another situation and another life, Tony knew he would've just laughed at it and happily accepted whatever the man was going to say to him.

Suddenly the feeling was there again, the feeling of being watched. This time he knew there was someone standing in the darkness, somewhere near his apartment building. Tony pulled out his gun, secretly hoping it was just a cat or something, however embarrassing that would be. "I know you're in there!" He barely heard the familiar sound, just a moment before it would've been too late. Barely avoiding getting shot, Tony returned the fire. Pained grunt and a heavy sound of a body falling down told him he got his target.

Carefully making his way to the fallen body and then quickly kicking the gun away from his attacker, he could see the man for the first time. "Teddy?"

"You... You ruined everything..!" the man whispered through his clenched teeth.

Tony crouched down. "By not letting you kill me?"

Teddy took a weak hold of his jacket and Tony leaned closer to hear his quiet words. "I... I had the perfect plan... He betrayed me... That bastard... He promised... He lied..."

"Voltolini?"

"I thought I could be one of them... But... They're all mad... Thought I had 'im..." Teddy whispered something more, sounding half mad himself, but by then there was no way to understand what he was trying to say and then he finally lost his consciousness. The man looked nothing like he used to. Pitiful. By the looks of it, he looked like he'd been homeless for some time. Even most of his real hair color had grown back. A redhead. Who knew?

Watching the dying man, Tony knew any ambulance or a doctor wouldn't get there in time. He almost called Gibbs out of habit, but then he hesitated. What good would it do anyway..? And while he could call Kate, he didn't want to put her in uncomfortable position either, to stand between him and Gibbs. Making up his mind, he finally knew who to call. The FBI was going to just _love_ this, but maybe he could try to soften the blow... And hopefully Gibbs would never know.

"Fornell..? Yes, I know what time it is, but I've got a little situation here..."


	55. Déjà Vu

He was honestly not sure why he was even doing this. Sure, the man didn't deserve to live. Not with all the innocent blood spilled without any visible sign of remorse. And yet, there he was, hating himself again because he just couldn't stop being the bigger and most foolish man he knew. If he didn't have to kill them, he preferred not to. At least he hadn't grown to like this one, only to find out later his true nature and then end up having to kill him. He hated that type the most...

 _Jeffrey White_... Knowing that he was most likely going to face that man again, made him really uncomfortable.

Pressing harder against the bleeding wound, Tony felt sudden movement under his hands and he looked down. The look in Teddy's pain filled eyes was almost surprised and then he stared at him curiously, like he was trying to solve a mystery. Ignoring it, Tony looked away. For a moment he thought he could hear the ambulance, but then realized it was only his mind playing tricks. It was getting cold and his body was starting to grow tired from the constant holding of his hands against the bleeding wound. His knees didn't like the kneeling position either. He'd never get used to the smell of blood... Well, maybe he was used to it, but never so much that he would grow to like it.

"You... You know... It's funny that... I would die like this..." Teddy finally coughed out, pulling the other man back from his private musings.

Tony snorted and maybe it was bit of a payback for putting him in this position, but he pressed his hands against the wound with maybe too much anger, causing the wounded to let out a pained moan and close his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again.

"Why is it funny?" Tony finally asked and it wasn't that he even cared what the man had to say, but it was better than talking to himself in his own head.

It took a few shaky breaths before Teddy spoke again. "Years ago when... when I was in a coma... Bad case... Almost died... I think... It's funny the kind of dreams you have some— sometimes... And they seem so... real..."

Of course it couldn't have been same as his situation had been, but hearing the all too familiar description made Tony freeze for a moment. He was just thinking too much again, of course he knew it, but still, to hear those words... Teddy didn't seem to notice his reaction, but then again his life was literally bleeding out of him, so that was his biggest concern at the moment, while the look in his eyes was growing more distant with each spoken word and breath he took.

"I made a choice then... Live my life as _I_ want... No one... No one telling me what to do with it... or how... how to... Do you think I... would get another chance..?" At this, Teddy looked almost hopefully at his once enemy, who would now most likely be the last thing he would see before Death would come to collect what was rightfully his.

Tony smiled tightly. "I think you already used the second chance. Time is up, Terence. I'm afraid you used up all that was given to you. Many don't get even that much."

"Haven't been... by that name for a long... long time..." Teddy smiled with almost dreamy look on his face. His glazed eyes turned to look at Tony again. The smirk on his face was uncertain and if Tony cared to admit it, it may have looked even a bit scared.

"I don't... I don't regret it... Any of it... It's just... all too much... Thought I'd gone... mad..."

"Good for you." Tony had to control himself to not snarl out his answer. When the dying man looked at him again, he knew it would be the last time with any life in them. It was a miracle the sorry bastard had been able to keep up with his just as sorry tale for as long as he had.

"I... I... I don't want... to... die..."

Tony never even bothered to answer. He watched as for only a split second there was raw fear in the man's eyes. Then it was as if someone had turned off the lights in them and Teddy was gone. Just like that. Of course it was then that Tony could finally hear the ambulance coming. He cast one last look at the dead before he backed away and sat down heavily on the ground. Brushing his bloody hand over his forehead, he sighed tiredly and cursed Voltolini for not taking this one under his own name. It would've been far more fitting had either him or one of his men done the job of killing the bastard.

"I hope that hell was worth it, Terence..." And while Tony didn't quite mourn for the death of a bad guy, he didn't rejoice either.

* * *

Tobias Fornell rolled his shoulders and stretched his aging bones. Old age certainly didn't come alone... And long working hours did him way more harm than good.

Hearing that the shower was turned off, he poured coffee in the two waiting cups and carried them in his living room. Sitting down, he looked up just in time to see his young guest joining him. With amusement he saw the way his borrowed clothes looked on the usually so well dressed young man. Unfit clothes were however still better than the man's own blood covered clothes from before.

"Much better now, DiNutso."

"Right... Thanks for the clothes. At least your taste in clothes is better than Gibbs has." Tony snorted and glanced longingly toward the cups of coffee, which he practically inhaled as soon as Tobias gave him.

"It's still hot..." The warning came too late and Tobias watched half amused and half concerned as Tony shot out a few pained curses when it burned his mouth.

"I'm fine," Tony said quickly when Tobias opened his mouth to ask. It was too unnerving seeing such open concern. Almost as bad if it had been Gibbs. And this was _Fornell_.

"So... Are you ready to tell me what happened?"

"I already told you."

"I meant unofficially. Just between you and me— What?"

There was a funny look on Tony's face as he stared at the older Agent. He finally shook his slowly head at the question. "No... Nothing... Just that... Well, it's _you_."

Should he be offended? Tobias wondered. "Am I really so untrustworthy?"

"Well... I'm pretty sure Gibbs would sniff it out if I share something with you of all people and leave him out."

That was too easy to picture. Tobias snorted. "You can talk to both of us? I can even call him? It's only 3— No, 4 AM? I'm sure he won't mind."

"If you take the first blow. Sure, go ahead." After that neither man made another comment about calling Gibbs and they finished their coffee in silence. It was only after getting their refill that they broke the tired silence.

"Things haven't been great between us lately," Tony finally admitted. Part of him knew he would regret this later. Simply because he wasn't sharing your feelings type of person. Even less than in the past.

"I've noticed. Never thought that would happen. Figured if anyone then you could be the one the old bastard would work hard to keep close." Tobias looked at Tony with a meaningful look on his face, but the younger man looked away with a slight grimace.

"You'd be surprised."

"What happened?"

"Well, he came out of nowhere—"

"I meant with Gibbs."

"I know that. I was hoping you'd let it go."

"What happened?" Tobias asked again, almost gently this time and Tony found himself feeling spooked. It was _so_ not... Fornell. Then again they hadn't exactly spent time together outside work. It was more of a thing between Gibbs and Fornell. And wasn't this such a strange situation to find yourself in? Him acting like friends with a friend of Gibbs. But it could be worse...

Rubbing his head slightly at the memory of Mike Franks, Tony almost sighed when he answered. "Captain Ahab. That's what happened. He sets his eye on one goal and forgets everything else, and God help anyone getting in his way. I just happened to be the one in the way. As usual. I just never learn..."

"Ari?"

"That'd be it... And I'm running out of forgiveness, but still I'm trying to make things work. Trying to do the right thing, even if I'm left alone feeling that way... I've always been too quick to forgive people, so I guess I only get what's natural to happen if I let people walk over me all the time. Can I really blame them if I myself allow them to learn that kind of behavior around me?"

"Tony..." Tony, not DiNutso. Again, spooky. Almost as spooky as that worried look on the older man's face. Whatever Tobias was going to say, he never did. Maybe it was something he saw on his guest's face or a gut feeling, but he smiled. "Jethro doesn't know what a good thing he has. My offer still stands."

"Join the dark side? That'd be the day to see. I'll think about it..." Tony snorted and took a sip of his coffee, reaching for the cookies on the coffee table with his free hand. At Tobias's surprised look he smiled tiredly. "Really. I will think about it. You did say it's a standing offer... So if it comes to it, it's good to know there's always a plan C."

"Why plan C?"

It felt like since forever since the last time when Tony flashed his cheeky smile, eyes sparkling with mischief. "You're not the only one with a standing offer."

Tobias scoffed, feeling a little annoyed, but there was amusement in his own eyes. "Well, in the meantime, don't let Jethro burn out all of your potential, or hold you back."

Meanwhile the man in question—Gibbs—was sitting in his car outside Tony's apartment. Waiting for Tony to come home. Deep and worried frown on his face was the only visible sign of his inner turmoil.


	56. Can't Go Through Life With Closed Eyes

Looking at his target, the only things he allowed to enter in his mind were the almost comforting weight of the gun in his hands, the target's vital points and keeping his breathing calm and steady. And if the target had the face of a certain blue eyed Marine, then no one at the shooting range dared to utter a word about it. Neither to the man holding the gun nor to Agent Gibbs himself, whenever he came to the shooting range.

Watching as the last bullet pierced the groin area, Tony finally lowered his weapon and stepped back. If only Abby knew why he had asked for a copy of Gibbs's picture all those weeks ago... She would not be happy. Not with all the worshipping she did when it came to her beloved 'Bossman'. No one else could ever measure up. Not even her friendships with other people.

It was rather worrisome. If Gibbs would ever start hating her, what would that do to her? Of course it would never happen, but just the mere thought was worrisome. What about when Gibbs would retire, or he died? Because not only was the job dangerous, he wasn't getting any younger either. She needed to start growing up soon or she'd just end up again being that forty years old who was painfully immature and unable to see the straight line, which was the difference between right and wrong. And to think some people would've called _him_ the immature one...

"Same time tomorrow?"

Tony turned around to look at the man who spoke to him. As usual, the man looked wary of him whenever he came to unleash some of his hidden fury against his boss. But it was either this or keep everything locked away inside, until he would finally burst and do or say something really stupid. The other option was to hit the gym, but lately for some reason he never seemed to get his time alone in there.

"If I have time after work," Tony answered and after throwing the destroyed target in the trash, he left the shooting range.

Seeing the familiar car waiting for him outside, he almost escaped back inside. How long had this been going on now? A week? Two? Gibbs had become like some leech. And of course the more Gibbs was trying, the more he was pulling away. With the two of them so painfully stubborn, it was like watching some strange battle dance or a game they were playing. Hide and seek, maybe?

Since it was impossible to avoid walking past the car, Tony walked fast, hoping against any hope that he would be left alone. It all felt still too raw and painful. Fearing that he would reveal more than he should, he also knew he wasn't ready for that kind of talk. He'd done it before and look where that got him? Gibbs had turned against him.

"DiNozzo!"

"Go home, Gibbs." Tony kept walking without looking back. It was the silence that got him. For a very short moment of foolish relief he thought his boss finally got the message and left him alone. It lasted a few long steps and then out of nowhere Gibbs was standing there, holding his arm. Sneaky Marine. The bastard... The strong Marine grip didn't let him pull away, so he gave up after trying it few times.

"Tony—"

"I don't want to hear it. Didn't Isaac make it clear to you that outside the work I have no wish to talk to you?"

Gibbs scowled. He and Isaac certainly didn't like each other and sending Isaac of all people as the messenger, was truly maddening. It should be him. _He_ should be the one watching Tony's back. He should be the one Tony could turn to. It should be his place, standing there and bullying away anyone trying to harm his 'kid'. And yes, Gibbs was willing to fully admit it to himself why it hurt as much as it did to have this ever widening gap between the two of them. He was scared that soon it would become too wide for him to close it.

And now on top of it there was that unmovable force standing between them, making this moment a rare one where it was finally just he and Tony. Deep down Gibbs knew that had the roles been reversed, he wouldn't have had Isaac's self-control.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_It was now day two, or night, seeing as it was already dark and only the city lights were keeping the dark outside their bright and glowing halos._

_Since he didn't succeed getting Tony alone yesterday, Gibbs had decided to try his apartment one more time. However, as the hours went by and once again there was no sign of Tony coming home, he was starting to get more frustrated. Just where did DiNozzo spend his nights in these days if it wasn't at home? Somehow he didn't think it was at some woman's place either._

_He got his answer sooner than he thought he would..._

_Another car pulled next to him, but he didn't pay any attention to it. It was only when the driver walked toward the apartment building that Gibbs caught a glimpse of a dark complexion and... Was that furious glare meant for him? Shaking his head, Gibbs took another sip of his coffee. He knew he desperately needed some sleep after the last sleepless night and then the long days at work, but he just couldn't even think about closing his eyes, in case he missed seeing Tony coming home._

_Sometime later the driver returned, this time carrying a bag with him. As the man walked closer, the street lights illuminated his face. It was Isaac. What was_ he _doing here? Gibbs frowned, but his frown was no match to Isaac's furious glare as he walked closer. Despite his gut feeling not agreeing with it, Gibbs thought for a moment that the man was leaving without anything else happening. Instead, after throwing the bag inside his own car, Isaac walked to Gibbs's car and then he stood there. Waiting. They had a short stare down competition and despite knowing that it might not be a good idea, Gibbs finally opened the door and stepped outside._

_Standing as tall as he possibly could, Gibbs refused to feel threatened by the other alpha male. "What are you doing here?"_

_"What am_ I _doing here? I could ask you the same question. You have no right to be here." Isaac was furious and he clearly wanted to attack him, but was holding back. The threat of 'rusty blades' came to Gibbs's mind, but he refused to be intimidated by that memory._

_"Where is he?" Gibbs asked instead. He had finally put two and two together. The absence of his Agent, Isaac showing up and then leaving with a bag full of something, maybe clothes._

_"None of your business. It's because you act this way that he can't even come to his own home! Go home, Agent."_

_Gibbs narrowed his eyes. "_ _He's at your place?" He was angry. Or maybe it was jealousy, but he chose to focus on the feelings of anger. Anger he could deal with. Jealousy? Not so much. He was a possessive bastard—of course he was—but this one went even beyond that._

_"It's none of your business. You're not going to get unlimited second chances, Agent Gibbs. I've warned you. I swear, if the kid hadn't asked me not to, I would just bash your head in the pavement without a second thought. As it is now, I'm still really tempted. So do all of us a favor and don't show your face around here and don't look for him outside the work. The kid deserves a break and time to put himself back together. You've done enough harm already. I see you anywhere near him outside work, I won't hold back anymore. I'm still strong enough to beat up one aging Marine if I have to, don't think I couldn't. I have my own reputation from my more youthful days."_

_Gibbs glared. He wasn't_ that _old yet, and Isaac wasn't looking any younger either. And how dare he speak like that? The man didn't own Tony. And how else was he supposed to fix things if he wasn't even allowed to be near his own Agent? The way Isaac kept calling Tony 'kid', like he was actually talking about his own child, really pissed Gibbs off even more. Tony was... He didn't even dare to finish that sentence. Inwardly he scoffed at his own cowardice. That 'kid' was his! His Agent, his friend and his family, if he dared to be bold enough to go that far, and if he would get another chance to prove it. It couldn't have been just him who had sensed the strong connection between the two of them since day one. However fragile it now was, it still existed. He was sure of it._

_"Go home," Isaac was saying again and then he returned to his own car._

_This time it was Gibbs who had to hold back his anger so that he wouldn't do anything stupid. Despite the mutual feelings of hatred between the two of them, he had to remember that for some reason Tony liked this man. It would do him no favors to forget that. Watching the car driving away, he could only think how Isaac was a man he would never grow to like. Sticking his nose where it didn't belong... Sure, he could listen and leave Tony alone, but in his gut Gibbs knew that if he did it now, before a word of apology, it might be soon too late..._

* * *

Why hadn't he listened to Ducky? Why hadn't he listened to Tony, while the young man still spoke to him without this open resentment? At work it was all professionalism, but no heart in it. Not the way it had been before, and oh how he missed that. It felt almost like someone had washed his eyes with soap and while it hurt, it was making Gibbs see everything differently from the haze he had been in when he was hunting down Ari. The mist had finally cleared away and now he saw the world around himself again. The truth wasn't pretty thing to look at.

Worst part was knowing that this was his own fault. This one he couldn't just fix with a head slap or with his 'second b'. There were no favors he could call in to fix this kind of mess. It was all on him. What was it that Tony had called him? Captain Ahab. He hadn't truly understood the comparison before. He'd ignored it really. Admitting it would've meant admitting a whole bunch of other things. And indeed, he had followed after his white whale without a second thought. Demanding the same and even more from his 'crew'. All consuming madness had taken control over him, and not for the first time either.

"I'm sorry. I know what I did was wrong. I made a mistake. I had no right to treat you and— No, to treat _you_ that way. I should have listened to you... I'm sorry and I will keep saying it if that's what it takes."

Tony glared and Gibbs finally let go of the arm. He felt almost hopeful when the younger man didn't immediately run away from him, but of course nothing worked out that easily. When Tony finally spoke, it wasn't with kind words, or a cheeky smile and sparkling green eyes with laughter in them, which Gibbs had started to miss so much.

"I need to spend time away from you, Gibbs, but because we see each other at work every day, it's not easy... I knew this time would come. I know you far too well. Better than you know yourself, better than I want to know you... Just because _you_ are now ready to put the past behind you, I'm not. I need time to think, without anyone trying to influence me."

"You saying Isaac isn't doing that?" Gibbs muttered.

"I'm not staying with Isaac." Tony looked almost amused.

"Then where..?"

"It's my business and I'd like to keep it that way. I am _begging_ you, Gibbs. Leave me alone, if you care about what I need. If I am ready to talk, I will come to you. Until then, let me be. I'm way too angry at you even now. We'll only end up hurting each other if we keep this up. And I think you need this just as much as I do. I don't think you truly realize the damage you've done..."

The blue eyes softened and just like that, Gibbs finally got it. Well, maybe not everything, but enough, which was a start. He didn't like it and God knew he was painfully stubborn. He hated to even think about leaving it all in the hands of someone else, while he would be left hanging in the wind, just waiting for what would come next. Waiting for the unknown and not knowing if it would even come to him, or if it was good or bad. To be honest, losing control like that was scaring him.

"Tony..." Reaching out his hand toward Tony's head, but seeing the flinch, Gibbs pulled his hand back, feeling hurt, but once again he knew that he had brought it on himself. And those angry and undeserved head slaps during the chase of Ari surely didn't help either... "I understand... I will stand back."

Tony looked surprised, wondering if the man really meant that. He neither saw nor sensed any dishonesty though, so he nodded. "Thank you."

"Just... Don't think too long. This goes against my nature, I'm sure you know that." Gibbs's weak attempt at humor fell flat as Tony simply nodded again and walked away, never looking back and his steps never hesitating, leaving Gibbs behind struggling with himself. In his gut he felt like he should follow Tony, but he had made a promise...

As full of resentment as Tony was, he was grateful. For once Gibbs was actually the one giving in. But for how long? Only time would tell. Either way, this kind of thing didn't just happen everyday and so it had thrown him completely off balance for a moment. He knew that in his 'past life' all this would've been fixed with a smile and maybe some bourbon down at the basement. Or some backwards apology from Gibbs, which most people wouldn't even accept as an apology. And so that's why when back then things might have been seemingly fixed, it had been without fixing the foundation first.

That's how it always was. He was always giving in and taking it for granted that Gibbs wouldn't start taking _him_ for granted. And the older man had always been taking for granted that the loyalty of his  St. Bernard would never be broken, no matter what. Not seeing the cracks forming and when he finally did, Tony knew he had been willingly ignorant, hoping that it would all be good soon. 'Soon' never happened though, and he had been too afraid to admit the truth to himself. Until he finally did, which had been the turning point of everything.

"I'm trying to bury the Loyal St. Bernard, boss..." Tony spoke out loud, not sure if his words were meant for the Gibbs in his dream or the Gibbs now. Just like Abby had to grow up, he knew that he too had to become truly his own man again. Not a servant to any man, because men failed you. Whether they meant to do it or not, they always did.

While unlocking his car door, he suddenly felt the presence of someone behind him, but before he could react, Tony felt pain and then the world around him went dark.


	57. Unpleasant Savior

He had a concussion. Again. He was pretty sure it wasn't the worst he's ever had or even close to it, but the key word here was 'again'. He could already see the look on Ducky's face. And Isaac had threatened to take him to visit the man's mother if he got hurt too soon after the last time, which didn't sound so bad, but from the evil look on the man's face, Tony just knew the woman had to be either scary or... really scary. Scary old ladies brought many flashbacks involving his old nanny, from when he was still just a kid and hadn't been disowned by his dear old dad yet. She had been terrifying just as much as loving and caring. Where DiNozzo Senior had neither love nor parenting skills in him, she was natural. Such a shame Senior fired her...

Tony shook away the depressing thoughts, mentally, since he didn't feel like his head would thank him if he tried moving it around too much and too fast. Opening his eyes was such a hard thing to do and when he finally did open them, he closed them fast and decided to never repeat that mistake again. The bright lights pointed straight at him were inhuman. And he had been tied up to a chair, which in itself wasn't anything new, but it was so tight he could hardly feel his arms and legs. Someone had to be either really mad at him or wanted to make sure he didn't get away. Or both. Maybe Gibbs had changed his mind and decided to lock him up and scare him into submission.

Listening closely, Tony heard a sound he soon identified as fans of some sort. It was then that he realized how hot it was. Had to be those cursed lights...

"I know you're awake. Open your eyes." The voice sounded familiar, but through the pounding in his head it was hard to remember why. Slowly it came to him and Tony almost cursed his own stupidity for not having prepared for something like this.

Of course he should've known this might happen sooner or later. He'd known it from the moment Fred didn't get his way. And now Fred's partner was dead. Although Fornell had promised to keep the details of the death closed from those who didn't need to know—and Teddy's undercover mess helped some—it was no surprise Fred would still feel resentment. After all, Tony had refused to throw away his own life again because someone decided that he was useful for their dirty work.

"Fred. I thought we already went through this once? Or was it twice? Thrice? I think this one should count." Tony forced his eyes open, just enough so that he could see the other Agent. The man was pacing around the room with a deep frown on his face.

"Shut up."

"It's hard to remember. Maybe you could try moving those lights away from my face? It's a little hot in here." Too hot. Those cursed lights... Tony was willing to bet they were extra bright, just for him.

"Shut up!" This time Fred stopped and he shoved his gun against Tony's shoulder. "It's your fault, DiNozzo!" Fred spat out and Tony almost flinched when some of that spit landed on his face. And what was it with people always pointing their accusing fingers at him? 

"I have feelings too you know, and they are hurt."

"Be quiet and let me think!" Fred started walking again. He was looking nervous and certainly not like some criminal mastermind.

Fred and Teddy. What a pair of two idiots who were neither good agents nor even all that great at being criminals. Well, not good enough to be on top of the food chain. No wonder they were so into each other. Well, Freddy was. He wasn't so sure about Teddy.

"You don't have to do this, Fred. You can still walk away and no one else has to know. Don't ruin your life." Had he not been tied up and in pain, Tony would've found it amusing how an FBI Agent had kidnapped him without a plan. Impulse actions could either work in his favor or then be his doom and gloom.

Fred gritted his teeth in anger. "Why couldn't you just do what you had to do? You're an Agent. It's your job to do what you've been told to do."

"It's not your place to decide what's my job and what isn't. I have my boss and others telling me when to jump or dance, you have yours. Besides, I could ask you the same question. Aren't you an FBI Agent? Is this something you should be doing?"

There was an odd look of realization on Fred's face. In that moment Tony knew the man had decided his path and in his gut he knew it wasn't a good one. Unless by some miracle Gibbs had decided to dismiss his request and followed him, there would be no one coming to save him. Part of Tony wished that Gibbs _would_ be his usual bastard self and do things his own way, but then the other part didn't want that either. He needed to know that for once in his life, Gibbs could actually stand back. To be the one who had to give up the control, without trying to bully his way through every obstacle. This was a test to see if there was even a small chance that the old dog could learn new tricks, or at least be willing to try. It was all so confusing, and ironic.

"Fred..." Tony started, seeing the resolve settling on the Agent's previously conflicted face.

"All I needed was for you to do your job. Instead you turned everyone against Terence. Now he's gone and everyone believes he was one of the bad guys. His own family thinks so." Fred held his gun without the uncertainty from before.

Tony refused to show his panic. Not panic for himself, since he had already lived far longer than he even wanted to live. But if he was dead, then who else would be able to look after the people he cared about, when only he knew about those dangers waiting for them? What about those people only he had been able to save in the 'past'?

"Can you guess how many people there were at his funeral? _Four_. Four people. One of them was the priest and one almost didn't even come. I'm sure my partner would still be alive if you had done something. I know it."

Tony barely kept his mouth shut. On the bright side, at least it wasn't the plague that would be killing him. So perhaps his end would be quick and easy. He looked calmly in Fred's eyes, thankful that at least the man was blocking some of the bright lights pointed at him. For a moment he thought he saw uncertainty flicker in the man's eyes again, but it was gone before he could be sure of it.

"Goodbye, Agent DiNozzo," Fred said and then he pulled the trigger. Tony felt something hit him and then he was falling backwards. As his head hit the floor and the darkness claimed him, his last thought was ' _not again_...'

* * *

He wasn't dead, that much was sure, because the pain was still there. When he woke up again, Tony noticed he was lying down on his back and he was no longer tied up to the chair. The lights were still on, but they were no longer pointed at him and there was something under his head, almost like a pillow. It took a while for the room to stop spinning and settle down, so for a while he didn't realize someone was talking to him.

"Anthony, I am so sorry... I did not want you to get hurt." The voice sounded worried. Once Tony saw the man kneeling above him, he sat up fast. Only the still moving room stopped him from doing anything rash and he was pushed down when he started tilting sideways.

"Take your hands off me," Tony muttered and he wondered how long he had been out. He shuddered at the thought of being unconscious with this man around. Voltolini of all people.

Angelo looked disapproving, like a father who was scolding his son. That thought sent almost violent shudder through Tony and he only felt worse when the old man took off his long coat to cover him with it. Long and black coat. Somehow it brought pictures of vampires in his head. _How fitting_...

"That is no way to talk to someone who just saved your life."

"My life?" Tony frowned and turning his head he noticed for the first time the body of Fred. With his eyes wide open and lying in a pool of his own blood, the FBI Agent looked like something that had been tossed aside as if he was nothing more than a piece of garbage. Despite the man's actions, it sent a sharp pain of regret through Tony and he looked away.

"I barely made it here in time and shot him before he could kill you. Unfortunately he fell on you and knocked you down... I apologize. I promise to be more careful next time."

"Next time?" Tony narrowed his eyes as he suddenly realized why he had felt someone following him around lately, and why Voltolini hadn't really done anything to him yet. Honestly, the truth was he had been trying to not think about that as the possibility.

Angelo smiled patiently and when he spoke it was almost like he was explaining something to a child. "Of course. How else do I make sure you are safe? My people have been making sure nothing deadly can come to you. It turns out it truly is a full time job. Unfortunately my men were today caught by surprise by that FBI Agent and I had to track you down myself. Do not worry. They have been punished and replaced."

"What?" Tony didn't like the sound of that, even if the men probably deserved whatever they got for their other crimes, and for working for a man like Voltolini.

The old man looked unhappy. Almost angry. "They did not fail only once, but twice. We almost lost you to Teo, but thankfully you got him first. Not that I would expect anything less from you."

Tony almost shuddered again. It was one thing when Gibbs was proud of him, but he did not want to be on this man's good side. "I won't say thank you."

Angelo didn't look disappointed. Quite the contrary. He smiled. "I was not expecting it. Now, stay still while we wait for my men. They will do the clean up and I will take you to a doctor."

"What? No!" Tony protested and sat up again. This time he managed to stay that way.

"I did not ask. You are hurt and I want to make sure there is nothing more serious." Angelo looked stern. If it wasn't the words and the look on the man's face, then it was the gun still being held by Voltolini, which stopped any unplanned actions. Tony stopped speaking and instead focused making his escape plan. For all he knew 'doctor' could be code name for something else. He didn't want to stick around to find out.

When the old man showed no signs of stopping his staring, Tony finally snapped at him. "Stop that."

"My apologies." Despite his apology, Angelo didn't stop. "You and I have much more in common than you think, Anthony. And it is not that you look like my brother, which you do. I knew it almost from the moment you stepped inside my home for the first time. You had that look in your eyes, that air around you. And you have the potential for things far greater than waste it on people who do not deserve it. I was like you once. Similar background. Loss of people I cared about and lost dreams. Loneliness of a young boy. Betrayals. Even our fathers were much the same way. I can help you. Help you cope and move on with your life, before it eats you away like some disease."

Tony snorted. "Like me? I highly doubt that."

"I had a feeling you would say that..." Angelo took out a picture. Without even seeing it, Tony knew it was the picture of Gasparo. "I know you are confused and I know there is something you are trying to do, whatever that may be, I do not know. But I know enough to tell you that the more you fight against fate, the more it will change you. You need to give up. Stop fighting it. Let me help you. You are looking for answers and I can give them to you. And if not, I can find them for you."

_Let me guess, my fate is to do whatever you want_ , was what Tony couldn't help but hear from what the man wasn't saying. "You don't know anything..." There was sardonic smile on Tony's smile as he spoke.

"Anthony..."

"You don't know anything about me." Pushing away the helping hand, Tony stood up on his feet. "I am sorry that you lost your brother, I truly am, but I am not him and I'm not you. I never will be. Whether you admit it even to yourself or not, but I know you are seeing him in me. But he is dead and I'm not. You need to stop this or everyone will start thinking you've lost your mind. I don't care what you have planned, but I'm sure you can't afford anyone to start thinking you have gone crazy. Am I wrong?"

There was dangerous look in Voltolini's eyes, but before he could say anything, his men finally arrived and the conversation ended there. For now.

* * *

Hours later Tony finally returned home, _his_ home, because no way was he going back to Chris's place now that he knew for sure he was being followed. He couldn't risk anything happening to Chris or that somehow his friend would figure out what was going on and then he'd have to explain the people following him. Or any other questions he couldn't answer.

Thankfully the doctor had indeed been just a doctor and nothing else, and he did indeed have a concussion, but by the time Voltolini was about to shove him inside his fancy car and take him to his mansion so he could 'take care of him', Tony managed to escape and even made it safely back home. It gave him satisfaction knowing that he still got it. Even against someone like Angelo Voltolini.

Feeling paranoid, Tony did a throughout search in his entire apartment. Looking for anything suspicious, like some hidden cameras spying on him. Thankfully he didn't find anything, but it did little to calm him down, which was why he was soon sitting in the living room, holding a full bottle of bourbon, which was supposed to be a gift for Gibbs before things went sour between them.

After a while Tony picked up his phone and stared at the number of his boss on the screen. He needed... No, he _wanted_ to talk to Gibbs. Maybe get drunk and then talk about things he never would when he was sober. But he couldn't do that. Things weren't right between the two of them. And he didn't want to burden Isaac or Ducky with this either. Or anyone else for that matter. And the less they knew, the safer it was for them... He'd already spoken too much for his own good.

And now there was Voltolini with his odd words and... Tony didn't know what to believe. Maybe it was a trap... Had he become too sloppy at hiding things..? How else would the man know..? What did he know anyway? And did he _know_..? Somehow it all seemed a little too convenient.

Almost as soon as he put it away, the phone started ringing. It was Gibbs. It was always Gibbs... Tony rolled his eyes at the man for breaking his promise. Although, to be fair, it could be about work. Feeling almost grateful that the man was calling, Tony picked up his phone. "What?" For a long time silence was the only answer and so he almost hung up. "Gibbs?"

_"Are you... Are you alright?"_

"What kind of question is that?"

_"Gut feeling... Wouldn't leave me alone... Can't sleep, so I had to call you... I'm... sorry."_

Of course it was a gut feeling... When Tony spoke, the tone of his voice was almost gentle. He wasn't in a forgiving mood per se, but he felt almost sorry for the older man. Gibbs and his gut feelings... It must have been driving him crazy to not do anything about it. "Yeah. I'm fi—... I'm okay. Get some sleep, boss."

_"Hmh..."_ Gibbs sounded like he wanted to say something more, but he only sighed with relief clear in his voice and then he hung up.

After the phone call, Gibbs could finally get some sleep. Tony however was watching his movies, without really watching anything. Too afraid of his dreams, he couldn't sleep that night. At least the call from Gibbs had calmed him down enough, so the bottle of bourbon remained unopened. Rule 39: ' _There is no such thing as coincidence_ '. He had to do something. He could disappear. Start a new life. No Voltolini. No Gibbs... Maybe even no more flashbacks, no crazy dreams... Tony felt the memory hit him again and knew that he could run away, but he'd never be free.

_Kate_. _That bloody hole in her face. Blood. Too late. He was always too late. He was trapped... Between past and present. Dreams and memories. He had no way out..._

Picking up the bottle of bourbon, he threw it on the floor, breaking the bottle into pieces and spilling the alcohol all over the floor. Then he finally let go and before he even knew what or how it had happened, he was crying quiet tears. Just a few tears rolling down his cheeks. He was just so... tired.

And at work he was fine. He was always fine. Even if both Gibbs and Kate were giving him worried looks, causing him to fear and wonder if his masks were slipping.


	58. His Many Shadows

Going to Morrow had not been his original plan. He'd figured it was enough when he called Fornell and told the man what had happened to their missing Agent. Although Fred's body had so far not been found—most likely never would—but thankfully Tobias took him seriously. Especially after he mentioned the name Voltolini. He didn't tell the whole truth however, the truth of why Fred had been with him in the first place, but he had a strong feeling Fornell had been able to read between the lines anyway.

It was two days ago when Tony saw his 'bodyguards'—aka the Voltolini men—for the first time. It happened while he was working on a crime scene and since then it seemed like he saw them everywhere, even if he tried not to. It was the case of 'can't be unseen'. It would only be a matter of time before the word got out to someone else and he didn't want to leave that as yet another unpleasant surprise for his Director to find out. If the Director had been either Jenny or Vance, he most likely wouldn't have told them anything, both of them having proved more than enough not to be the kind of people who could be trusted with something like this on a good day, let alone on a bad day.

And that was the reason why he had come to work early, and on a day when he knew the Director would be there earlier than usual.

"Sit down." Tom Morrow nodded at the chair when his Agent came in his office. The young man seemed to be debating something with himself before he finally sat down. He waited patiently as DiNozzo was clearly unsure what to say at first, until he finally let out a resigned sigh.

"I guess there is no easy way to say this. Before I say anything else, I have it under control for now, somehow... But I think you should know, in case that's no longer the case or someone else finds out and misunderstands the situation, or decides to use that information for their own gain." Tony rubbed his forehead, the remaining effects of the concussion still there, and finally looked his Director in the eyes. "Voltolini has his men following me."

"What?" Tom sat straighter, any lingering thoughts of his work now forgotten.

"From what I understand, they're there to 'protect me'. What I think they're really there for? My guess would be they are there to 'keep an eye on me', if you get what I mean... Thankfully they're not easy to see, but sooner or later someone more observant is going to start noticing."

"Agent DiNozzo..." Tom sounded weary and he felt ancient. He already had his hands full with Gibbs as his Agent. The man who had enemies popping out left and right, all complementing his sweet personality and many past misdeeds, which Tom really didn't even want to know about, since it also meant that he as the Director had to always be explaining things away and clean up whatever mess the old inconsiderate bastard left behind, without a second thought that it wasn't just his own ass in the line of fire. He was the old dog who was never going to learn any new tricks, let alone be house-trained in this lifetime...

And now this. Not that he could exactly blame his young Agent, unless it turned out DiNozzo had somehow done it all on purpose, but he didn't believe that to be the case. Maybe he should, just in case, write a note somewhere that Agent DiNozzo simply had the worst luck ever. Thank God the kid more than made up for, with how much he gave in return, which also probably had something to do with any of the trouble that did follow him.

"I know, I know... Unless you think I'm not worth all the trouble, we need to figure out what to do about this and then what to say if someone starts asking questions." Tony had a strained smile on his face. No, he most certainly was not doing this on purpose, much less enjoying the situation.

Tapping his finger against his knee, Tom nodded, inwardly frowning at the flippant tone of voice as his Agent had called himself 'trouble'. If anything, _he_ would be the one in trouble if they lost another good Agent. Especially one who not only was good, didn't have a 'second b' to his name... And his boss was Gibbs. "Alright. Tell me more..."

* * *

Kate finished typing her report and she glanced around the silent bullpen. She was the only one of their team in there. For how long and since when, she didn't know. Both Gibbs and Tony had been almost uncharacteristically quiet for a few days now, and it seemed that the two men had done yet another one of their disappearing acts. It turned out it wasn't just their boss who was good at sneaking around without anyone noticing. One of these days she was going to find out how they did it. Even Abby didn't know.

Abby... Kate could hardly even recognize the woman she had befriended since day one. Maybe there was an actual reason behind that childishly mean behavior? Not acceptable, but a reason nevertheless... From the moment Gibbs had became hostile toward Tony it was as if Abby had never been friends with Tony in the first place. If this was how she treated her friends when Gibbs wasn't treating them right, then Kate wasn't sure she wanted to be friends with someone who could so casually toss them away without a second thought...

Kate shook her head and wondered if her words had made any difference with Gibbs. Did he not care at all that he was destroying his relationship with Tony? It was so frustrating trying to mend things between the two painfully stubborn and mulish men. Gibbs was scary as usual and Tony was far too skillful at directing the conversations toward something else. Whenever she tried to bring up the situation, Tony would keep deflecting until she forgot what she was supposed to be doing. It was so... maddening!

Covering a yawn with her arm, Kate turned off her computer and decided to go look for her partners. Just in case. Although it was already late and there were only few other agents still working in the bullpen, Tony's and Gibbs's things were still there, so they couldn't be too far. She hoped it wasn't a bad sign and prayed that the men hadn't sneaked away to finally kill each other.

She didn't find Gibbs and when she found Tony, she was grateful to find him at the gym alone. With the way his shirt was clinging to his sweaty skin, the man had clearly been there for quite some time already. The punching bag was taking angry beating and she winced when she saw quick glimpse of his red and bruised knuckles. Ducky would probably have something to say about that.

"Kate, don't," Tony spoke when she moved closer. He had his back toward her, but she knew all too well that the men in this team seemed to be having a second pair of eyes on their backs. Not to mention all those times when they seemed to know everything even when they hadn't been around to make that possible...

"It's much better with a sparring partner."

Halting his angry movements for a moment, he finally looked at her, using the break to wipe off sweat from his face. There was still some lingering fire in his eyes, so one could only wonder just how burning hot it must have been when he started this. After drinking some water, he shook his head. "I'd rather not, Kate. Sparring against a woman when I'm like this... It's kind of... Well, you know."

Kate narrowed her eyes, feeling irritated at the mere suggestion that because of her gender he would refuse to use her as his sparring partner. Sure, she may be of the weaker gender, but she hadn't been protecting the President without knowing how to go against men much bigger than her. "Watch it, DiNozzo. You've clearly already used most of your strength and energy. I'm also much stronger than I look."

"That's not what I... Kate..." Tony watched helplessly as she took off her jacket, tossed it on the floor and joined him, just daring him to back down. Despite what he'd said, Tony put away the water bottle and walked closer. "You can't seriously think I will agree to do this. At least go change your clothes before—" he barely finished saying that when she made her first move.

For the next ten minutes there was nothing but fast movements and occasional grunts as they were putting all their focus into their sparring. It was almost like watching them performing a choreographed dance together, which was why Kate became angry and she made a sudden move toward his feet, which he moved out of her reach just in time.

"Stop holding back!"

"I'm..." Tony dodged her grabby hand. "I'm not holding back!"

"Then stop deflecting and attack me!"

Tony frowned and without thinking he went for her feet. Only a moment later and looking down at her, he looked amused. "Are we still talking about my sparring skills?"

Kate was lying there, gasping for breath, and then covered her face with her hand and muttered something.

"What?" Tony frowned.

"Come closer." She waited until Tony leaned closer and then she struck him with a surprise attack. Tony let out a surprised yelp and found himself on his back next to Kate. They remained quiet for several seconds, just focusing calming down after the fight.

"That wasn't fair, _Katie_."

"Doesn't matter. You're down, _Tonio_."

"So are you." Tony glared at her and playfully punched her on the shoulder, receiving one in return. They spend several minutes just lying there and staring at the ceiling.

"Have you calmed down now?" Kate finally asked.

"Have you?"

"I asked you first."

"What are you, five?"

"Old enough to know I asked you first."

It probably had something to do with how tired they were, but they glanced at each other and started laughing. Or maybe they simply needed a reason to laugh. There hadn't been too many happy moments for any of them lately. Ari Haswari... How much trouble could one man bring with his mere existence.

Kate finally got some words out between her tired chuckling. "I'm glad no one was here to see us acting like couple of kids."

"We're not looking like badass agents right now, are we? But..." Tony lowered his voice dramatically. "' _You know what the difference is between you and me? I make this look good._ '"

"Oh, you wish. I'm— Wait... Did you just quote—?"

"Men in Black. Don't know where that came from." Tony glanced at her nervously and cursed himself for letting that one slip. He thought he had by now trained himself to keep his movie quotes at bare minimum while at work. So far he'd been doing just fine even if he had more than once _—per day_ —wished he could share his daily dose of movie quotes... When he looked at her, to his surprise she only stared at him with curiosity. Not annoyed or like she was wishing he would just shut his mouth, or like she was about to do it for him. It was a strange feeling...

Tony winced suddenly. "Hey, Kate..."

"What..?"

"I don't think I can get up... Or move."

"What?"

"That last move you made... I'm not sure what you pulled there, but my right butt cheek is cramping..."

Kate stared at him and rose up on her elbows, trying to see if he was joking. "Are you serious?"

"Deadly."

She started snickering and fell back down. "Only you."

"It's not funny."

"Of course it is."

Tony scowled at her and then cursed as another painful cramp hit him. "Just remember that payback is a mean bitch."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Don't count on it..."

They started bickering again, completely unaware when their boss finally left the room, with a wistful look on his face.

Gibbs had been hiding in the shadows ever since Tony first got really into beating up that innocent punching bag. It was good to know that at least his agents seemed to be getting along well... But it was also yet another slap on his face, with another reminder of what he had lost. Did he dare to even hope for things to get anywhere near back to normal..?

Leaving the Navy Yard half an hour later, Gibbs's gut suddenly gave that unwelcome familiar feeling, when he saw a man standing next to a car farther away and staring at the entrance of the building. There was nothing out of the ordinary and the man certainly wasn't the only person around, but Gibbs hadn't been a sniper for nothing. With a thoughtful frown on his face, Gibbs kept driving his car for several blocks before he finally turned around in the middle of the oncoming traffic.

As he was sitting in his parked car, he could just barely see the man and his car. It took Gibbs almost an hour of waiting, but he could be patient when he was willing to be, and so he was finally rewarded when he saw the man suddenly looking at someone leaving the Navy Yard. It was with a sick feeling in his gut when Gibbs finally saw who had the man's unsettling attention.

"Tony..."


	59. Ziva David

Opening the door to her hotel room, she made sure no one was following her and that the door was locked after her. Then she did a quick check in the room to make sure it was secure, which was more out of habit than anything else. However, no one could fault her for being a little cautious. This was not the best time of her life, and certainly not worth mentioning to the people back home. No one else needed to know about her misfortune when it came to this mission never working out the way it should. It was humiliating enough as it was without others knowing.

After dropping the first aid kid—which she had 'borrowed' from someone's car—on the bed that was closest, she closed her eyes for a moment and waited for the dizziness to pass before opening them again. As tough as she was, she had to bite her lip when she let her coat fall carelessly on the floor. Then she finally started carefully peeling away her blood soaked shirt. It was good thing indeed she was dressed in all black or that foolish man down at the hotel reception might have given her even more attention than he already did.

Anthony DiNozzo. The Junior. She was really starting to hate that name after each new failure. Her father would certainly not be pleased with her if he ever found out. After all, how hard could it be to remove one spike in the flesh? Or was it thorn..? She was never too sure which was the correct one. It did not matter however, the fact was that she was getting increasingly angrier. There had been all those big plans, but as long as the man was around, their plans were not going to work out.

One small bug, but such a big problem...

It should have been easy thing to do. How hard was it killing one man? A former cop no less, not some super spy. Certainly not someone as highly trained as she was. If only the Agent did not have his bodyguards following him everywhere, this would have been easy bake.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_When she first decided that eliminating the threat was the way to go, she had of course known there was always a chance DiNozzo had already told Gibbs about her. It was more than likely really, given how close those two seemed to be. What Agent Gibbs saw in the former Detective was a mystery. Since the old man had not yet seen her face, she could still make at least parts of the original plan work by changing her name and maybe even alter her appearance a little, but of course for all that to work out, certain meddling young Agent would have to be gone. Permanently. An accidental death felt somehow fitting._

_And that is why she was now looking up and over her shoulder every once in a while as she kept working on the car. Foolish man, for keeping his car where she could so easily get to it._

_Later she would paint the following into much more graceful and honorable picture than what it was. After all, how could someone with her level of skills and training be caught so... What was the saying again? Red-handed. Although why the hand was red, she had no idea. None of that was of any importance however, not with the gun barrel digging painfully against her back._

_"What do we have here?" It was a man's voice. Heavily accented._

_"Get up," another man's voice spoke from somewhere on her left._

_Narrowing her eyes dangerously, she slowly got up from her knees and held her hands up as a sign of surrender, which was ridiculous and she could barely contain her sneer of amusement at how foolish these two were. But then she could hardly fault them for not knowing who Ziva David was. Too bad it would be much too late for them to know anything by the time she was done with them.  
_

_Pretending to play by their rules, she slowly turned around to finally see the intruders. Seeing them, she once again could barely contain her amusement. They had their weapons, but with one look she knew they were not trained to take down someone trained to kill by any means possible. And kill she would. The other man of the two was even bit on the heavier side. This would be too easy.  
_

_"Well, would you look at that? Think we could play with her before we kill her?" the second man spoke gleefully. The chubby one. She could barely hold herself back from jumping at them right then. As if she would let this swine even touch her with his small finger._

_The first man looked annoyed and growled something in Italian, which shut up his partner. "Now, before we kill you, missy. What were you doing to the young master's car?"_

_Ziva did not let her surprise show at the 'young master' bit, but after thinking about it for a while, she figured that being a rich kid, DiNozzo had hired these goons to protect his weak behind. Pathetic._

_"Hey! I asked you a question, missy!" the man snarled and using that moment for her own gain, she made her move._

_Surprising the closest man_ — _the swine—Ziva went for his neck. His death was too fast for her liking, but it would have to do. The other man—the one who kept calling her 'missy' with that degrading tone of voice—fired his weapon, but that only served to make her angrier. It took two of her daggers before the man finally died._

_Holding her bleeding shoulder, Ziva winced. Thankfully it was only a flesh wound, but thanks to the commotion, someone might have heard or even seen, so she could not stay there. Glancing at the car, she felt regret for not having had the chance to finish what she started. Picking up her daggers, she fled from the scene, not knowing that someone would soon show up to do the clean up, so no one would be any wiser of what had gone down there that night._

* * *

Then there was this night. She had actually made it so far as to the Agent's door, when she had been jumped before she could even break her way inside the apartment. The men were different, but they looked like they were somehow connected to the other ones. It seemed that this time she had been expected and she had barely made it out alive, killing only one, but hopefully at least wounding the other.

Stitching up the knife wound, Ziva took another sip from the bottle of Vodka. It was the only bottle of alcohol she had been able to find in her haste, and before the loss of blood became too much. She grimaced at the burning feel from both in her wound and throat. While the alcohol dulled her senses some, it also made cleaning and then closing the wound that much harder. When she was finally done, she simply fell down in bed and sighed as she tried to think about her next move, but sleep was already claiming her. Sleep or unconsciousness, either way she was getting some rest.

Just because DiNozzo refused to die, it did not mean he could not be killed. She simply needed to plan more. Clearly impulse actions were not enough... But she had her training and heritage, which someone of his level could only dream of. It should be easy.

It would be easy. She had to push aside her private feelings for a while and only let them out again when she was finally killing this pain called DiNozzo. And she would enjoy every moment of it and pay back every failure tenfold. A child's play. It would be like taking a sweet from a baby. By the time she was done, Anthony DiNozzo would not know what hit him and she would take her position in team Gibbs. She would make her father very proud.

Pleased with herself and her new plans, Ziva closed her eyes.


	60. Walking That Fine Line

Anyone who knew Gibbs would be painfully aware that he wasn't someone who willingly agreed to let things be, or even compromise, when he wanted to do things his way. The last time anyone had been able to bend his will that much, it had been Shannon. And Kelly, who had him wrapped around her little finger since the day she was born. With those two gone, there hadn't been anyone who could handle him. Some tried and some even thought they had succeeded, but when there wasn't his own will involved, nothing worked if he had made up his stubborn mind. Until now.

Who would've thought that the day would come when he would _want_ to be on someone's good side again?

Other than Shannon, he hadn't even bothered trying to be a better person for his other three wives. Although to be fair, they knew what kind of man they would marry, but for some reason they seemed to think they could either live with it or change him. Shannon never had to do any of that. He had become a better man just for having her in his life and wanting to be the kind of man she deserved. And it did help whenever she was giving him one of her looks of silent disapproval, which would make even the hardened Marine lose. And then later he wanted to be a father his daughter could look up to.

So now years later when he wanted to once more be the kind of man someone could look up to, he had become his own worst enemy. He never would've thought there would come a day when he would become mad at the 'second b' in his name, and right now he wasn't too proud of it either. Not that it was something he would ever admit out loud. However, everything in him was telling him to start doing _something_. To not just stand back and let someone else direct the show and take the leading role. The alpha male in him was far too willing to start growling and marking his territory as soon as he even suspected someone else had so much as sniffed toward what he saw as his.

When had his willpower become so... weak? And what about patience, when had he lost it? He was a sniper and a sniper without neither willpower nor patience was hardly any good. If the people from his former Marine days would see him now, they wouldn't probably even recognize him...

While Tony was coming to terms with his choices and then also struggling with what he should be doing, Gibbs also made up his mind. He had made a promise and as much as everything in him was screaming that he needed to do something, because he was Gibbs 'the second b' through and through, his gut feelings were screaming back just as loud. He couldn't break that promise.

But he wasn't getting any younger and he could only bend his own will so much.

"Jethro!"

Tobias Fornell was used to seeing his pain in the backside friend doing things that gave him a headache—and a stomachache—but he was still astonished when the other Agent stopped a car in front of their meeting place and he saw that the man wasn't alone. Tobias tried to not look too nervous when he glanced over his shoulder at the FBI building, before putting on his most stern look. What was the 'second b' going to put him through this time..?

With the almost amused half smile, Gibbs clearly wasn't impressed. "Tobias." Gibbs nodded and pushed his prisoner toward Tobias, who stumbled a few steps back when the heavy mass of a much bigger man nearly pushed him down. The big guy had a dazed look in his bloodshot eyes.

"What's this? Who is he?"

"Present."

"A what?"

"He's one of your most wanted men, isn't he?"

"What..?" Tobias frowned and when he finally realized just who he was almost cradling in his arms, his eyes widened comically. "Jethro..."

"Don't tell me you don't recognize him?"

"Well, it's hard to recognize anyone who looks like a car has just hit and ran over him," Tobias said and he glared since words made no difference with this man. Of course Gibbs didn't say anything, only showed that irritating half smirk of his. Really, one of these days he was going to stop answering his phone when the bastard called... "And do I even want to know how you got your hands on him?"

The smirk finally disappeared. "He and his buddies have been following my Agent."

Fornell kept himself from reacting, but only barely. Even from what little he had found out from DiNutso himself, he wasn't surprised. He could only hope Gibbs wouldn't notice anything if his face did show something. Jealous Gibbs was amusing, but also scary when you were the target of that jealousy rage.

Something else the man had said caught his attention. "So where are those 'buddies'? Did they get away?"

Gibbs didn't say anything, but the small dark smile on his face sent a shudder through Tobias.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_After day three Gibbs had his confirmation. There were no questions anymore whether Voltolini had his men following Tony around or not. Each day the people were different, but from the way they looked and behaved, there was no doubt. Having gut feelings helped too. What both bothered and amused him at the same time was the fact that Tony obviously knew he was being followed.  
_

_Every once in a while the young man would wave his hand toward the men almost too gleefully. One time he even went straight to the car and snatched their coffee mugs through the open windows and took them without a word. Having seen that, Gibbs knew they were given to him during one of his coffee withdrawals. Had he not known better, Gibbs would've almost thought his Agent was fine with being followed around by the devil's henchmen. Gibbs could only hope he himself hadn't yet been busted for what he was doing._ _And once again, it hurt to know he hadn't been told about this, and he had a bad feeling this had been going on for a while now._

_Sitting in his car that night and feeling more patient than he had been in a very long time, Gibbs didn't even have to track down anyone now that he knew what to look for. And they were always there, always, watching and maybe waiting for something. And for the last couple of days so had he. He'd made a promise to leave Tony alone outside the work, but he made no such promise about anyone who was a danger to his Agent. Plus, he couldn't just sit still when he could do something.  
_

_Observing and waiting for a while, he was finally rewarded when one of the men left the car and started walking toward where Gibbs already knew was a place open with half decent coffee. Well, much less than decent... He grimaced at the taste of the weak coffee in his mouth and he put it aside to be thrown away later._

_Looking at the time, which was a little past midnight, Gibbs opened his car door quietly and slipped in the shadows, following after the man. Few careful moves later, and almost getting beat up himself, Gibbs was back in the car. This time with unconscious and handcuffed man on the backseat.  
_

_It didn't take too long for the second man to go out looking for his little friend, which was pretty accurate description when the man looked so big it was a miracle he had even fit into that car of theirs. Needless to say, Gibbs had to be much more creative capturing that one. After receiving a punch in his gut and one on his shoulder, by some miracle he captured the giant.  
_

_Some time later, Gibbs was sitting on a chair in an abandoned old house, which was going to be demolished the next day. He had secured his prisoners inside one of the rooms and was waiting for them to wake up.  
_

_"I have a message for the old man."_

_The big man spat at him and started yelling something in Italian. Looking at him struggling and trying to pull himself free, Gibbs was glad he took special care to make sure the giant couldn't get free. Well, for a while anyway.  
_

_"Are you going to kill us?" the smaller man finally asked, but despite the question, he didn't look afraid. His 'partner in crime' laughed._

_"He is a cop. He can do nothing. He is bound by his law."_

_Gibbs hummed softly. "Not going to kill you... Although you might wish I did."_

_The two men stared at him as if he was nothing but a bug in their eyes, which they very much wished to step on. Gibbs was secretly all too happy to destroy that delusion.  
_

_Holding out his gun and NCIS badge, he made sure the two could see them as he stood up and put them away on the small table in the room. He wouldn't be an Agent while doing this and he wanted them to know it. This was personal. Of course Gibbs had been tempted to 'remove' the problem as he had with the man who took his wife and child from him, but that wouldn't remove the real problem. Also, Tony was alive.  
_

_"One of you will go back to your 'master' with a message, but first... there are a few questions I need to ask. Things like, what does Voltolini want?"  
_

_"What are you going to do? You will get no answers out of me,"_ _the big guy snarled.  
_

_Gibbs smirked. "I was hoping you would ask me... I'm going to 'interrogate' you two. I've been told I can be very... persuasive." The men glared at him and he almost rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you haven't realized it yet? There are no other people present. You are tied up nice and tight. I'm already not in a very good mood. My word against two known criminals. One who is known for being a liar and the other wanted for violent murders all over the country. By the time I'm done with you two, you will never want me to interrogate you again."_

_He studied the men for a moment. The big man would be harder to break, but if he could break him first, it would be a job half done with the other one._

_"Not going to say anything? Alright... Let's begin then..."  
_

* * *

When the silence and quirked eyebrow was the only answer he was going to get, Tobias sighed. "Jethro... No, wait, I don't think I even want to know. Actually, I do _not_ want to know. Don't you dare tell me."

"Wasn't gonna tell you."

Tobias glared and he tried to get better hold of his half conscious prisoner. He was pretty sure he had some blood on him now. "And how am I supposed to explain this? _Him_? Or the fact that he looks half dead?"

Gibbs shrugged and was already on his way back to his car. "I'm sure you'll figure out something. Shouldn't be too hard I'm sure. You know him and how everyone knows the way he's always violently resisting when someone does manage to get close enough to try arresting him."

"Jethro... Don't do anything stupid." Saying that was kind of moot point, but Tobias felt he at least had to say it once. He didn't see it, but he heard the amused chuckle.

"This counts as a favor."

"Gibbs!" Tobias swore and somehow managed to dig out his phone from his pocket, to call for some help. There was no way he could carry this dead weight inside on his own. He didn't even want to think what would happen once the man would be fully conscious again. No way could he hold down a man who was known for killing his victims with his bare hands. He really didn't want to think about who he was holding.

"You owe me a new suit!" he managed to yell before Gibbs slammed the car door close and left, just a moment before one of the guards finally decided it was in his best interest to help taking the prisoner inside.

* * *

Stopping his car outside the city later that night, Gibbs finally released the other man, who had much less bruises on him than the big guy who was now Fornell's problem. It couldn't really be helped since at some point the giant broke free and had attacked him, forcing him to use his every move and Marine training, and some dirty tricks, to beat down that mountain. Without even looking, Gibbs knew his body was by now starting to become a mass of bruises, which he would have to figure out how to explain away... Or he could just glare at anyone who dared to even look. Still, he was feeling a little smug, knowing that he didn't look as bad as the other man did.

"You tell Voltolini that I will deal with him and his men if they keep coming after Tony. He may think he's above the law, but I'm not exactly straight and narrow either when it comes to dealing with people like him."

"He's just going to send other men, Agent."

"And I will deal with each new problem he sends. If he or anyone else he sends so much as touches my Agent, my next 'interrogation' will be much less pleasant."

The man laughed dryly. "You may regret this soon... There are other dangers out there, which we have so far kept away from Anthony."

Gibbs narrowed his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"We are not the only ones following him, but unlike us that someone _is_ trying to kill him."

"Who?!"

"That is your problem to figure out..."

When Gibbs got that dangerous look in his eyes, which the man was now far too familiar with, he started stammering. "We... We don't know who or why... We just kept him safe... Wait! It's a woman! I swear that's all I know..!"

"I find out you've been lying to me..." Glaring hatefully at the now pale and shivering man, Gibbs finally pushed the man outside his car. He didn't finish that sentence and slamming the door close, he drove away, leaving the man coughing in the cloud of dust.

While his face didn't reveal his worried thoughts, in his head Gibbs was going through a list of names and faces he knew, wondering who else could be trying to hurt Tony. And now he was back to where he felt the need to make the young man talk to him. He wasn't sure how much longer he could stand back... And there was still too many questions he didn't get the answers for. Clearly Voltolini wasn't the sharing type when it came to his own men. Once again, Gibbs had the feeling that the one with the most answers was Tony himself...


	61. Abby's Dilemma

It wasn't the best week for Abby. It seemed like everyone had turned against her. First there was McGee, their new addition to the family. For some reason the young Agent seemed to be either terrified of her or Gibbs, and he had turned down the invitation to go out with her for the fourth time this week.

Then Kate had started avoiding her for some reason as well. Well, if Abby was willing to be honest with herself, it had been that way after Kate started questioning her why she wasn't acting like Tony's friend anymore. Being too close to Tony, Kate wouldn't understand that Abby was only punishing him, until Tony fixed his attitude. Kate wouldn't understand, so Abby hadn't told her anything. Even so, ever since then her friend had become almost cold toward her.

Ducky also tried to talk to her, but Abby wasn't interested hearing what he had to say, so she was avoiding the old man whenever she could. She had to admit it made her feel terrible, because she loved Ducky, but she already knew what he would tell her and it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

Then there was Gibbs, her beloved Bossman. Her number one person in her entire world. The center of her universe. She would have never thought that Gibbs could be so cold toward her. So distant. So... So mean, was the only word she could think of. Mean and unreasonable. He was never like that. Not with her. She'd always been special. But now...

Now, when Abby decided to finally give in a little, she had gone to Tony, asking him if he wanted to later watch some movie with her. His indifferent response was mindboggling. He dismissed the invitation and when she demanded to know the reason, he had looked almost like... He was pitying her.

"Tell me something, Abby... What made you change your mind about me, about us? Was it Ducky? I know he's been trying to say something to you. Was it Kate? I don't know what's going on between you two, but I know she's been avoiding you. Or was it Gibbs? Did your little talk with the Bossman do the trick?"

Abby felt like she had been slapped. How did he know? Did Gibbs tell him? But that wasn't possible. Gibbs wouldn't do that to her. He wouldn't, right..?

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_Gibbs entered the lab with a small smile on his lips. The thing that Abby called music was loud and she was being Abby. It was comforting to know some things never changed._

_Abby was startled at the sudden presence behind her and she looked around confused. "Gibbs! Don't do that..! Why are you here? I don't have anything for you..." She was pouting and Gibbs held back his smile, holding out her daily Caf-Pow, which brought the biggest smile on her face. "Oh... How did you know? Stupid question. Of course you would know. You're Gibbs. You know everything. I don't know how you do it, but you do."_

_Hiding his amusement, Gibbs gave her the Caf-Pow and looked around the room. "DiNozzo didn't come here?"_

_There was a strange look that crossed her face and when she smiled, it looked forced. "Tony? No, I haven't seen him today. Why?"_

_Gibbs frowned and he stared at her, as if seeing her for the first time. This was too much like... When Tony first came here. Surely they were past those days? Weren't they friends now? So what was with that strange tone of voice and look on her face? "Abby, is... Did something happen between you two?"_

_"Between who?"_

_"You and Tony."_

_She looked uncomfortable and Gibbs couldn't help but notice how she couldn't look him in the eyes. When she finally did, she looked away almost immediately. "No, nothing happened. Why would you think that?"_

_"You really think I haven't noticed the drastic change in your relationship with him? What happened to you two spending time together outside work, or even at work, when it doesn't have something to do with one of our cases? Now that I think about it... What about Kate? Weren't you two close friends just a few days ago?"_

_Abby was speechless and she kept opening her mouth like a fish on dry land. She looked pained and then conflicted, almost as if she was not sure which emotion she should settle on. "I don't... I just..."_

_"Abby."_

_"It's because of Tony," she finally blurted out._

_Gibbs narrowed his eyes, sensing something in there that... No. It couldn't possibly be. She was a grown woman, no matter how childish she could behave sometimes. Fine, all the time. But surely it was mostly just an act... "Tony?" He kept his voice calm, just barely, not wanting to spook her and not get the answers he was after._

_"It's because he's so... He's such a... I don't know how to say it." She started fidgeting._

_"Try."_

_"It's because you've been mad at him. I know he did something, I don't know what, but it's something bad or you wouldn't be so angry all the time. I don't know what the reason is, but I know you. It must be a very good one, or I guess I should say bad, not good. I will always be on your side, Gibbs. You know I will. So until he apologizes and fixes whatever he did..."_

_He was shocked speechless. He had never thought that... That because of him, because of his actions... That anyone would... That_ Abby _would... Well okay, maybe part of him had been aware, but not like this. "So what you are saying..." he started slowly, still searching for the right words. "...is that because I'm mad at Tony, you are no longer his friend?" He was afraid to even know the answer.  
_

_Abby bit her lip and she kept pulling at her hair. Her Bossman had a strange look on his face and those pretty blue eyes, which she loved so much, looked almost glassy. She wasn't suddenly sure what answer she should give. Finally, she nodded._

_Gibbs was clenching his teeth together in sudden burst of anger, until it hurt. He was feeling anger toward Abby for the way she was behaving, and himself for never seeing this and how far reaching his own actions were. How much more trouble had his actions caused? To Tony? "You..."_

_"Gibbs..?"_

_"You will apologize."_

_She was confused. "I'm sorry..?"_

_"Not to me! Tony!"_

_"Tony..?" She was shocked. That had been the last thing she thought he would tell her. She took a step back when Gibbs glared dangerously at her. She'd never had Gibbs give_ her _that look. It was nowhere near as fun to be at the receiving end.  
_

_"Whatever happens between me and Tony, is between me and Tony. It has nothing to do with you. Nothing!"_

_Abby felt hurt. Wounded. "But, Gibbs..."_

_"It has nothing to do with you, but that thing between me and Tony... I was wrong._ I _was wrong and he was right. The details don't matter, but_ I'm _the one who messed up. He doesn't deserve this kind of behavior from someone who I thought was his friend!"_

_"I'm sorry..."_

_"Don't apologize to_ me _! Save that to Tony!"_

_"Yes..."_

_"Do you understand what I am telling you, Abby? You will apologize and you will stop treating your friends this way for my sake. I don't want that kind of loyalty. Am I clear?" This whole thing was so wrong. When he used to almost eat up her love and adoration, it now felt disturbing. Had he made her be this way? "I'm only a man. And all men are bound to make mistakes."  
_

_"Yes, Gibbs..." Abby whispered brokenly. Somehow even her pigtails looked sad.  
_

_Gibbs shook his head in disappointment and before she knew what happened, he took back the Caf-Pow. "Like it or not, Abby, but he is here to stay. Well, as long as I have a say in it and he's not in a hurry to get away. So whatever jealousy you still carry in you toward anyone who gets too close to me, end it now."_

_"Yes, Gibbs... I'm really sorry..."_

_Outside the lab, frozen by the door, Tony slowly turned around and walked away before he was caught._

* * *

"How did you know?" Abby asked quietly.

"I heard you and Gibbs. I wasn't going to listen, but I couldn't really help it when I walked in there and heard you two talking. Shouting almost."

"Everything?" she whispered.

"No, but I'm pretty sure I heard the important parts."

"I'm so sorry, Tony..."

He shook his head. "You didn't answer me. If Gibbs hadn't told you off, would you be here and acting all friendly again? Be honest with me."

The look on her face twisted. She had no idea. "I don't know... I'm sorry..."

"Well, I think before we decide what the relationship between us is, you need to do some thinking first. I think we both do." Tony picked up his things and left the bullpen before she decided to say another word, which he wasn't right now ready to listen. He never looked back, because he didn't want to know what kind of looks there would be on their faces.

Abby looked helpless and then she turned to look at Gibbs for help. And why hadn't he stepped in? He was just standing there without saying anything, the look on his face blank and calmly drinking his coffee. She was sure he could've made Tony listen to her. Listen to her side of the story.

"No. _You_ fix it." Gibbs shook his head and he turned his back on her, which made her want to scream and cry at the same time. How was this happening and why?


	62. Chained, Again

Jeffrey White. Tony had been hoping to never hear that name again. And no matter how many times he went over it all in his head, he just couldn't make complete sense of how could one man be such a... Well, a serial killer, and be also likable. Even though this time Tony had known the truth since the beginning, it didn't make it any less upsetting, what with Jeffrey once again sharing stories from his past, which just had to make him so _human_.

There should be a rule against criminals being like the rest of them.

It was once again the case of the stolen Iraqi antiques, and yes it was the same old for Tony, making it really hard sometimes to not start moving his own lips according to what others were about to say. It was like being that one actor who knew the lines of the other actors a little too well and he had to remember to keep his mouth shut and only play his own part. And not just play it, it had to be believable. There were no actual second chances in real life because life goes on and there's no going back. Well, dreams not included.

When they decided to send him undercover, Gibbs had looked hesitant. He kept opening his mouth as if wanting to say something, until he finally turned to Kate, and Tony thought he was glaring at her—and maybe he was—but then Kate had looked oddly amused and she turned to look at Tony, saying with almost sugary sweet voice that ' _Gibbs wants to make sure you watch your six out there, but he's too much of a coward to say it himself._ ' Gibbs had actually head slapped Kate, who was slowly becoming better at 'Gibbs speak', since the dream-past interpreter SFA wasn't making the job any easier than he had to.

While the others were all doing their thing, McGee had looked like a deer caught in the headlights and he most certainly didn't understand the 'Gibbs speak'. He was also still very much an outsider among their team, thanks to the SFA who was keeping things overly professional between the two of them, while starting to openly relax around Kate and knowing how to handle their boss, seemingly with ease.

After the head slap, Tony had felt green monster of jealousy creeping in, but he kicked it out with a wide smile on his face. Of course he would watch his six. He'd be fine. They didn't have to worry about him. No problemo... Only he didn't feel fine and making him feel like that was not what he'd call a fair game. Had he known just how much of a madman Gibbs became when he once again went 'offline', Tony would've maybe found petty satisfaction over it. And then afterwards he'd feel that much more guilty.

So while Tony was somewhere with the two criminals—Jeffrey White and Lane Danielson—Gibbs was busy losing his mind. They had lost all the contact to his Agent and they had zero clue where DiNozzo was, let alone if he was even alive. Gibbs _knew_ he should've listened to his gut and not allowed Tony to go out there. If something _had_ happened to him, then God help those who did it... Leroy Jethro Gibbs did not panic. He became obsessed, but he never panicked. Instead Gibbs was about to enter into a complete meltdown.

Only after it seemed like things were about to turn nasty did Abby finally come forward looking meek and uncertain. She had another way to locate Tony.

* * *

**_\- FLASHBACK -_ **

_Standing at the door, Tony felt not for the first time like he was staring at two TV screens at the same time. The then and now._

_The differences this time were that the Abby now was younger than the one in his memory and she was also without the bounce usually present with every step she took. There was not a single bounce or skipping around. She looked like a ghost of the Abby they knew. A shadow or weak imitation. The simple makeup made her face somehow look even more pale than it normally was._

_It was almost a miracle she hadn't tattooed the name Gibbs somewhere... Or if she had, he was better off not knowing... He felt almost guilty, knowing it was because of him that Gibbs had stopped treating her like the special one she had always been, and it clearly pained Gibbs to do so, even if he was able to go on with his everyday life like usual._

_Tony never thought that Abby had truly meant it when she said in the dream-past how her beloved Bossman was even more important to her than her all important Caf-Pow and that she needed her daily dose of Gibbs or else her juju was all wrong. This wasn't Mexico hiatus 2.0. either, because there wasn't any Gibbs shrines put up anywhere they could see. This time Gibbs was there, pretty much every day, but he was still gone from her life. It really made Tony feel like the bad guy and he had never wanted to make this happen. Just a little stern talking was all he had figured would've been enough, if it came from Gibbs._ _  
_

_Then Kate had seen the decision on his face to put an end to it and she had pointed out that it was just Abby being too theatrical_ , _and all that was missing was her listening to some sad music, with violins, to make it even more melodramatic_ _._ _'_ Give it some time _', Kate had told him... And he'd reluctantly agreed._

_Gibbs hadn't turned his back on Abby either, what with him still sending Caf-Pows to her, even if he wasn't bringing them personally. And Abby knew it. She would just have to start seeing outside her little bubble, and expand her world while she was still young._

_Knocking at the wall next to the doorway, Tony got Abby's attention without having to try again. The lack of music really was alarming. "Abby."_

_Turning around, she looked for a split second almost normal. Not 'Abby-normal' though. What was even more disturbing, he realized that he could actually see her real hair color starting to grow out, reminding him just how much time had passed since the day Gibbs had completely turned around with his treatment toward her.  
_

_"Tony." Abby nodded, and her voice was a mix between gentle fondness and ice. Then throw in a drop of hurt and she didn't seemed to know what to feel around him. She was trying, he knew she was, but she was also still feeling some resentment.  
_

_"I know we're not exactly friends right now, but I have a big favor to ask you." For a moment Tony started wondering if he should just go straight to Gibbs with it, but finally she nodded._

_"Alright. Shoot."_

_"I need a plan B and plan C."_

_"Plan..?"_

_"If for some reason I lose all contact to you guys while I'm undercover. It's a matter of life or death, Abby. Focus." He hated to say the next words, but he felt like he needed to test the ground for the sake of his own sanity. "If you can't do it, I need to know it now. I can't worry about these things while I'm out there."_

_She looked startled and then deeply hurt. "I'd never..! Things are a little crazy right now and I'm maybe confused, but I'd never..!"_

_He almost smiled. "Thank you. So will you help?"_

_"Yes, of course I will!"_

_For a while Abby looked normal again, which was Abby-normal, and at some point she even put on the dog collar she hadn't been wearing since the day her 'Gibbs apocalypse' happened. Soon even the music was back on. One of these days he would ask if the thing was possessed, or if it came with a personality switch..._

* * *

It hadn't been easy and Tony had almost failed, even knowing what he did. But as usual, with the smallest things everything could change and turn into something he no longer had any control over. It really couldn't be helped however, doing certain things differently. He wasn't really the same man as he had been back then. Everything was same, but even more than that, everything was different now.

Back then, in the dream reality, Tony had still been a little naive and blind about certain things in his life. Maybe it was because he didn't really want to think about the truth, or he hadn't been ready to go there. Not ready to admit what it was. No matter what, children wanted to believe good things about their parents. Wanted the love that should've been rightfully theirs. Or the next best thing, since this was Senior, the man who couldn't have won any parenting trophies even when the man had been sober.

So this time when Jeffrey had shared the stories of his past and childhood, when Tony told him that his own father was an alcoholic, he didn't say Senior hadn't been abusive.

Abuse was more than beating up the child. Emotional abuse could be just as bad, if not worse, and those kind of wounds never truly healed. Senior may not have been able to physically abuse him—being usually too drunk to do much of anything besides throwing insults—but it didn't make it any less wrong. Well, there were few small incidents, like that time during halloween, where it had come very close to crossing another line. But the man had already abused him mentally every possible way, which could break even a fully grown man, if done properly.

So that's why Tony simply mentioned his father having been an alcoholic, with that understanding little look, which he knew would tell the other man more than any words ever could. Jeffrey had stared at him for a long time, but never commented on the fact that he didn't elaborate more, leaving everything to the imagination.

Winning the trust had been the easy part, as Tony knew it would be, but keeping the trust was a whole another challenge. Especially when the three of them finally stopped to get some much needed rest and he had to figure out how to drug the other two and not end up being drugged himself. And when Jeffrey woke up the next morning, Tony feared for a moment that the man suspected something.

"He's gone!" Tony hissed, looking like he was someone who had just woken up. It didn't take long after that to sell the idea that Lane had drugged both of them and escaped. Together they had gone after the man. Meanwhile Lane had been hog-tied and hidden away with one of the two extra GPS locators Tony had asked if Abby could arrange for him. He could only hope the last one wouldn't fail him.

Tony had planned it all so well, but somehow Jeffrey had still seen the smoke and realized his ass was about to be on fire. Somewhere between Jeffrey finding that last hidden GPS and the flash of anger in the man's eyes, Tony found himself on the ground with a knife at his throat again. At least they weren't in the car this time. They spent good time rolling in the mud, until the wonderful sounds of team Gibbs arriving distracted Jeffrey, which was just enough time for Tony to disarm the man. 

"You know... Don't take it the wrong way, but... I really liked you," Tony spoke without a hint of humor. He wouldn't be saying those words to Gibbs this time, to the man who could be such an ass when it came to choosing the words and attitude according to the situation, at least when it came to his SFA. And perhaps the world would have been better off had Jeffrey died, but Tony didn't want it to happen because of him. He hoped he wouldn't end up regretting this.

As Gibbs was taking the man away, Jeffrey looked at Tony and while for most people his expression remained blank, Tony saw the moment of emotion flickering through his dark eyes. It was strange indeed that even when without a doubt that this man would come after his neck all over again, he still got through him. Even though if given the chance, Jeffrey would still kill him. And to be fair, he would and would've killed Jeffrey.

Kill or to be killed. That wasn't something they usually told you about when you were a kid who wanted to grow up to become a real life hero. Sometimes to be a hero, you had to choose between two lives. Not that Tony felt like a hero. Living under the shadow of Gibbs for all those years had all but dimmed his own light. Perhaps someday he would find where to stand so he no longer had to be that shadow.

Feeling so dark, Tony was unaware just how brightly he himself shined, and it wasn't just his smile that was bright.

* * *

Gibbs stepped in the bullpen, holding two mugs of coffee in his hands. He stood there for a while, staring at his team working on their paperwork. It was quiet end to the almost bad ending. His eyes then drifted toward Tony and his throat. It had been so close. The image would most likely never leave him. Jeffrey White sitting on top of his Agent and trying to cut open the young man's throat. Gibbs knew there would be nightmares of that moment, which meant he was going to spend some quality time with his boat.

Making up his mind, Gibbs walked closer. He had been far too patient ever since agreeing to Tony's terms, but the two of them really had to talk now. "DiNozzo."

Tony had just finished signing off his paperwork and he looked up with question in his tired eyes. Although he was now clean, he still hadn't shaved. Gibbs noticed for the first time the cut and bruised lip. There was also another bruise forming under Tony's eye.

Gibbs gave Tony the other coffee and an odd look passed over his face. It was almost like gratitude, but Gibbs wasn't willing to bet on it. "You did good."

"Just did my job, boss. Thanks for the coffee."

"Tony... We need to talk." Gibbs didn't see it, but he could sense that the other two had stopped working behind his back.

"Boss, I—" Tony frowned and he looked somewhere behind Gibbs.

Turning around, Gibbs saw Tobias Fornell stepping in the bullpen. The look on the FBI Agent's face was grim. Gibbs scowled. Of all times to show up, Tobias decided to do it when he was about to share a 'moment' with Tony. And by a moment, that meant the two of them almost fixing something. Maybe. He could always hope.

"Tony..." Fornell nodded his greeting to the others, but his attention was on their SFA. Gibbs frowned at the familiar way his drinking buddy was addressing his Agent. He realized there was a story there, something he didn't know. Again.

"What is it?" Tony stood up slowly.

"It's... Maybe we should have this conversation somewhere else?"

"Just say it, Tobias."

"It's... about Danny. He's dead."

Dead silence. Kate and McGee had no idea what was going on, but even they could sense the heavy atmosphere.

Finally, Tony broke the silence with a low chuckle. "What are you talking about? You know, that's not exactly what I had in mind when I asked you to check on him."

Fornell couldn't quite cover up his flinch at the sharp words. "Somehow I wasn't informed when it happened, but... He's been dead for a while. Both he and his wife were murdered couple of months ago. Also, the Agent who was responsible of his case has disappeared." What he failed to mention was how eerily similar the disappearance was to the cases involving Voltolini. It had to be almost a miracle that they even knew Danny Price was dead.

"You were supposed to keep him safe." Tony was sounding awfully calm for someone who had just been told his former partner and friend had been killed.

Gibbs moved closer to Tony without even realizing it and the former Marine was now glaring at Fornell. They'd be having a good long talk about this one later...

Tobias cringed. He wanted to say that it hadn't been his doing, but right now that hardly mattered. "I'm sorry... Do you want to know how they—?"

Shaking his head, Tony left the bullpen, trying to not look like he was running away from the situation. Finding himself in the restroom, he collapsed on the floor, hugging the toilet. As pale as he was and although he kept taking several shuddering breaths and he felt ill to the point of trembling, nothing came up. The door opened with a small creak and he knew without a doubt it was Gibbs. "I don't think I can do this, boss... I really don't want to do this anymore..." After saying that, Tony kept taking those deep shuddering breaths.

Gibbs, at loss of words, somehow squeezed himself inside the small cube that barely fit the toilet and one grown man. How they were going to get outside, they'd figure it out later. Gibbs moved the young man's head awkwardly against his shoulder and then they just sat there like that for a while. "Keep breathing."

Tony finally dared to look at his boss. He could really use some comfort food to end the day. "Cowboy steaks..?"


	63. Sleepless Night

Gibbs listened to the sounds of breathing coming from the other side of the room, while he was working on what was going to be his next boat.

After eating and then drinking some of the bourbon that Gibbs kept in the basement, and talking about things that didn't matter, Tony had finally crashed. The man was in a deep sleep at the staircase and Gibbs was half tempted to wake him up and moving him upstairs in the guest bedroom, but then there was also a high chance that Tony would leave and not get the rest he so obviously needed.

Or he might go to somewhere else, like... to that _bartender_...

Gibbs also knew he was being a little hypocritical since he himself couldn't sleep, thanks to the nightmares he could already see coming even before he thought about closing his eyes. The image of Tony with his throat cut open was imprinted in his mind. More vivid and horrific in his memories than it had been, but he knew it easily could've ended up just like that, had even the smallest thing gone wrong.

There was a sudden sound of Tony gasping for his breath, like something had surprised him. Looking at him, Gibbs saw his furrowed brows and Tony's mouth kept opening silently, but no words came out.

He didn't know why, and he didn't ask why, but Tony seemed to seek comfort from the basement. Maybe it was the sound of him working on the boat, maybe it was the smell. Or then it was that bourbon. There could be any number of reasons, but Gibbs wasn't going to look too deeply into it if it meant it brought them closer again. Gibbs stopped working on the boat as he wondered how things would go from here now. They hadn't talked about anything they should have talked. Was this simply some temporary fluke and Tony still planned to never let them fix their relationship outside the work? He hoped not. He didn't have it in him to go back to what he'd promised and agreed to do. Or rather, not do.

Tony mumbled something in his sleep and then he frowned again. He was clearly having a nightmare, but before Gibbs could make up his mind about waking him up, the man started gasping for his breath again, but this time he looked like someone who couldn't breathe.

"I can't!" Tony woke up with a shout. He was breathing harshly, as if he'd just been running for several miles. His eyes were moving sluggishly around the basement, not really seeing anything.

"Tony. Tony, it was just a dream. You're awake," Gibbs spoke soothingly as he slowly approached his Agent who was now sitting up.

"Boss..? Wha..?"

"It was just a dream," Gibbs kept speaking calmly and he sat down next to him.

"Just a dream... A bad dream..." Tony muttered as he started slowly relaxing. Leaning against the wall next to the staircase, he shuddered at the memory.

"It happens often? What was— Do you want to talk about it? It might help," Gibbs suggested gruffly. It still didn't come naturally to drop his bastard attitude.

Tony shook his head, looking like he was in deep agony, and he was rubbing at his chest. The painful feeling from the dream was all too clear in his memory, because it wasn't just a dream after all. It really happened, to him, in that another kind of dream. "Just... I couldn't breathe... No matter how hard I tried... You kept telling me that I wasn't gonna die, but I couldn't breathe... Then there were those blue lights, which I hate... Then I was drowning, trying to save... someone..."

"Blue lights?"

"Doesn't matter... It was just a dream..." A dream that had joined his other reoccurring dream of Kate dying. Tony never really gave it much thought even back then, just how close those two events were. Him almost dying—twice—and then Kate dying. Come to think of it, that timeline had been full of close calls for all of them...

Gibbs frowned. "Hey. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there's no such things as 'just a dream' when it comes to you..."

"You think?" Tony smirked without humor. He dropped the smile and looked at his boss closely. "Say... If I were to tell you it was all just a big lie? You know, that whole dream I had while in a coma. That none of it was real and I just made it all up to mess up with people... What would you do?"

"I'd say that's a whole bunch of BS. You don't joke about big things. You make a big deal out of things that aren't and then play around all day long if you can get away with it... But the big things? You hide and try to make them sound as if they're nothing... They're not something I could dismiss even if I wanted to..."

Tony stared at Gibbs with his mouth cracked slightly open. "That's a whole lot of big words there, boss..."

Gibbs scowled and he reached toward the forgotten bottle of bourbon, but changed his mind at the disapproving look his Agent was giving him. Right... They still had work tomorrow and he was supposed to be showing a good example or something...

"Boss... I..."

"I'm sorry, Tony..."

"Rule 6."

Gibbs ignored it. He might have to rethink that rule for a bit... Well, maybe just add a tiny sidenote there... Somewhere... Later. Right now he had other things to think about. Things to explain. "The way I behaved during the chase of Ari... I'm not sorry I tried to hunt him down. I would do it all over again. But I am sorry for the kind of man it turned me into... There's no excuses for that kind of... behavior..."

Tony stared at him. "Really? From what I heard, you went down that road again when I was missing."

"That's different..."

"Really? In what way is it different? Gibbs, I don't want to become your next Moby Dick."

"I can't promise that, Tony..."

Tony glared at Gibbs and he stood up as a silent sign that in that case they were done talking, but then a hand holding his stopped him. Looking down, he saw the desperate look on the older man's face and he sat back down. Giving the man at least a chance to explain himself. Of course, as usual, Gibbs wasn't good with the big words. The important ones.

"I can't promise that because... It's different because..."

"Just say it, Gibbs."

Gibbs looked him in the eyes. "You're a family. _My_ family. And maybe because it's something that will always change me into someone who shouldn't be doing the kind of work I do, but family will always change everything for me. Every stupid rule in every stupid rulebook. I wish I could say I'm sorry for it, but I can't, because I'll never be sorry for caring too much about someone I'm too scared to lose."

"Boss..." Tony was stunned.

"Every day, Tony! I know it better than some people do just what can happen in this line of work and I have many enemies. God knows I deserve some... If they ever find out about you, I don't think I can... If something would happen because of me... And then there's you! Your own set of trouble and enemies, so I can't stop worrying. It's never ending!"

"Wow. When you let it go and out, you really..."

Gibbs slammed his fist against the staircase and after that it was only his harsh breathing to be heard when neither man talked.

"Wow," Tony finally muttered again, rubbing at his neck. "Look, I... I get it, okay..? I get it... Just... I don't... I get it. I just..."

Gibbs smirked at the way his Agent seemed to be at complete loss of words. There was a first time for everything. "Come on... Let's get some sleep. We'll talk more later. It'll give you time to get your words back."

"Ha-ha..." Tony snarked and let the man pull him up.

* * *

Stepping in the bullpen the next morning, Tony stopped short at the alien sight and even Gibbs had a moment of surprise halting his steps. Pretty much knowing his every expression and non expression by now, Tony saw that the older man was shocked and a little concerned.

Abby was standing there, looking more confident than she had been in a while. But her outfit on the other hand... She was looking almost normal. It was still very Abby, but it looked shockingly tame. And she had lost her trademark black hair color. Granted, it was now vibrant color of red, but it was still too big of a change and out of nowhere.

"It's still just me," Abby sounded amused, and like she'd had to already explain her hair few times by now.

"You know... You don't have to change completely for... Your style was just fine if it's what you like and..." Tony said and then cleared his throat as Gibbs slowly recovered and moved to his desk, but Tony knew he was still listening. 

"No... It's actually much more comfortable at work this way... I can always dress up a little more when I go out. And there's still all those special holidays where I can dress up at work too and..."

"But... Your hair..?"

Her face fell. "Turns out I'm allergic..." She shook her head with a sad look on her face, but recovered quickly and pulled at her braided red hair. "So... What do you think?"

"It... Looks nice. It's so... red. Very you, I guess..."

Abby took it as the highest compliment and she beamed at him. Then she became more serious. "I'm glad you're okay, Tony."

Tony swallowed and as easy as it would be to jump right back into their friendship, he only nodded. "Thank you."

She bit at her bottom lip before smiling again. "Oh, before you two get into work, Morrow wants to see you, Gibbs." The two of them turned to look at the boss who wouldn't admit that the twin looks of expectation pushed him up his chair and up the stairs to the Director.

It took barely five minutes before Gibbs was storming back in the bullpen, looking pissed. Thankfully Abby had already left by then. He took a deep breath before saying anything. "He told us to finish the paperwork and take a week off. He already told Kate and McGee to go home." The look on his face told Tony exactly how Gibbs felt about that.

"Told us or threatened?"

Gibbs ignored the jest. "I think I'll use this chance and... I'm going to see my dad..."

"That's great," Tony spoke carefully, unsure why the boss was telling him that.

"You could come with me." Gibbs knew they both needed to get away for a while. He didn't know why his dad had been the first thing that came to his mind, but now that it did and he already let it out, he couldn't take it back.

"Me?"

"Yes."

"With you?"

"Yes."

"To see your dad?"

"Yes."

"Oh... Are you sure you want me to..?"

Gibbs was getting rather 'twitcy' at that point. " _Yes_."

"Okay..."

* * *

Much later on that day, they were driving in companionable silence as neither man felt like talking. The radio was on and did all the talking for both of them, whenever it wasn't playing some music. Gibbs hadn't called Jackson, deciding to surprise his dad instead. Plus, if he was completely honest with himself, he was also feeling more than a little unsure what he would even say to the old man or what his dad would say to him.

"This feels like such déjà-vu," Tony said suddenly. "Again, which is getting kind of old for me... There's a car following us. Has been doing that for a while now."

"I know."


	64. The Gibbs Men

The good thing was, they weren't followed by some bad guy this time. The bad thing was, it was Abby. You couldn't exactly not recognize her car, cutting through the oncoming traffic to keep up with Gibbs.

Worrying that she would end up in a car accident, or causing one, Gibbs slowed down.

"What should we do, boss?"

Gibbs glared at the road in front of them and didn't answer. Not too long ago he might have found the situation amusing or slightly irritating at worst. But that was before, and many things had changed since then. Finally, without warning, he stopped the car on the side of the road.

"Maybe she has a good reason?" Saying that, Tony didn't really believe it. It was true that in her mind the reason might be good and even perfectly logical, but the real world and what goes in her head, didn't always go hand in hand.

"Wait in the car," Gibbs ordered and left the car. Tony stared after him, hating to be left behind and glad that he didn't have to be the one going there and doing the talking.

Seeing her Bossman standing there with his arms crossed over his chest and unfriendly look on his face, Abby slowed down and stopped behind Gibbs's car.

Feeling slight concern, Tony had to force himself to look away when Gibbs opened the door to Abby's car and got inside. He couldn't really help it though when he looked at them through the mirror, almost without any conscious thought that he was even doing it. He didn't know what was being said, but from the looks of it the argument was getting rather heated and then Abby looked hurt. Realizing what he was doing, Tony looked away again.

Not a moment too soon, Gibbs returned and Tony asked the question, without really asking it. "Boss?"

"She thought she could join us, wherever we were going. 'Family bonding time', is what she called it."

Tony winced as his imagination was already beginning to supply his mind with all the ways that conversation had ended. Neither man looked when they could hear Abby's car leaving. Was it possible for a car to sound off tune, sad? If not, then Abby just managed to do that. "You know boss, if she really wants... If you want her to... It's fine..."

It wasn't, not really. Tony was still feeling uncomfortable even thinking about spending time with her outside work. He wasn't ready to go there yet _—she_ wasn't ready—and maybe it would be better if Gibbs took her instead of him. Knowing how much she meant to the man, and how uncertain the relationship between him and Gibbs was right now, he could swallow down his hurt feelings as always. He was a big boy. He could do it easily... Maybe too easily.

Gibbs was staring at the emotions on Tony's face, or the lack of emotions as it was. For once his gut feelings were strangely calm and he knew exactly what to do and that he'd done the right thing back there with Abby. "I invited only you for a reason, Tony."

Tony gave the boss his blank stare. While Gibbs for a chance had a clear head, he wasn't quite there yet. He was completely lost.

"Really, DiNozzo? Do I have to spell it out, again?" Gibbs shook his head, in disbelief. Could someone so smart truly be that slow..?

"No... Of course not..." Tony kept his eyes on the small spot on the window. Was it a dead bug or was it some dirt..? His nervous mental rambling was cut short by a hand gently cuffing at the back of his head as a different kind of head slap. He almost didn't want to, but he looked at his boss. Well, it was more like a quick sidelong glance.

"I'm going to see my dad. We're not exactly in good terms. So I figured having a family there would make it easier."

"So wouldn't Abby be much better choice?"

Gibbs frowned. "I _don't want_ to bring Abby with me. She would try to 'fix us'. She means well, but I don't want that. I need you there if things don't go well and I need you there if they do. Didn't you listen to me last night?"

"Sure I did..." Tony muttered, looking uncomfortable. It would be so easy to just accept the 'you're my family' speech as the truth. It would be so easy and the lost little boy in him would be so happy to do it. But he wasn't that little boy anymore and he would most likely always remember his dream and what happened there... And now this case of Ari, which was anything but over. What if he failed on his mission to keep Kate alive, would Gibbs once again turn his back on their friendship? Well, a budding friendship. What with everything that had been happening, freezing their friendship status for a while. It would take some time to melt it first, before he could even think about them as a family of any kind. Or before he could even think about upgrading their 'kind of friends' status into actual friendship.

"Tony..."

"Shouldn't we get going now?"

Gibbs narrowed his eyes. Fine, they'd drop it for now, but soon enough they'd be on _his_ turf. Well, his dad's turf, if you really wanted to get too technical. Once they were there and if things didn't turn out too ugly between him and his dad, then he was going to try pull out a few truths and make Tony himself understand few things.

Starting the car, Gibbs drove back on the road.

* * *

"Um... Boss..?" Tony hesitated to speak out. The scowl on the man's face gave him unpleasant feeling. "You know, we can always go back or..."

They were finally in Stillwater. In front of the house and still stuck inside the car. Stuck because it seemed like Gibbs was unable to leave the car. While he hadn't shown his true feelings, Tony had been excited and happy to see Jackson Gibbs 'again'. It was one of those things you didn't know you needed until the opportunity was given to you. And he liked the old man. Unfortunately he hadn't thought this would give Gibbs himself such a hard time.

Taking a deep breath, Gibbs shook his head and opened the door. He still wasn't too sure if this was such a good idea, but again, with DiNozzo there with him he couldn't just act like a coward. Wouldn't do good to ruin his tough boss image. And he still didn't know what had possessed him to want to come here in the first place. Wanting to blame someone, he blamed it on DiNozzo and his influence.

The front door opened and Gibbs froze. Without even realizing it, he was clenching his teeth. He was feeling like a young boy again, standing there and looking at his dad, full of resentment and anger. Sometimes it wasn't good to be that guy who just couldn't let things go.

"Leroy?" Jackson looked surprised, wary and almost hopeful. His body language spoke of a deep wish to rush forward and hug his wayward son, but he remained frozen to the spot. That last emotion on his face was something that almost stabbed his son with guilt, but Gibbs pushed it away before it had a chance to set roots in him.

"Hi... Jack."

Jackson Gibbs closed his eyes for a second, unable to hide the hurt that flashed across his face. "Leroy..."

Feeling suddenly like that extra in the act where he didn't really belong to, Tony rolled down the car window. "Boss... This is something between you and your dad, so if you want I could..."

Gibbs scowled at the curious look on his dad's face when the old man noticed his Agent for the first time. At least it was better than seeing the different looks of hurt on his face. Without waiting to let Tony finish talking, Gibbs walked inside the house. Hesitating only for a moment, Jackson followed. He at least gave the young man an apologetic smile.

"...wait in the car as you two talk," Tony finished his unfinished sentence with a sigh. Typical Gibbs. He had a feeling that however their talk would go, it was going to take a while. It was a good thing he had anticipated this. Moving to the backseat, he took out his laptop. One of the movies he brought with him was the one he had managed to save from the first sniper lesson with Gibbs.

"Eugene was bad, but as usual you're even worse, boss..." Tony muttered and he almost shuddered at the memory of how close that one bullet had been to shattering the treasured DVD. Before he knew what he was doing, Tony brushed his fingers gently over the DVD case. To think that someone like Gibbs had been able to give a meaningful gift... To _him_. It wasn't like he had even mentioned to anyone what this movie meant to him... Not even in 'the other life'... And yes, he was no fool. He knew the sniper lesson had been simply an excuse to give the gift, without actually making it seem like a gift. "And I guess that's just so you..."

Making himself as comfortable as he could and wishing he would've at least brought a pillow with him, he started watching the movie. After a while though his eyes started closing and before the movie had even made it to the fifteen minutes, Tony was in a deep sleep. Like it usually was in these days, it was not a restful sleep, but it was full of torments.

Meanwhile in the house, Gibbs sat down behind the kitchen table and glanced longingly toward the old coffee maker. After the car ride, he was going through withdrawal.

Jackson saw the look and almost smiled. He knew this was clearly going to be long and painful conversation for them both. He knew what they both needed before even going there. "Coffee?"

* * *

**_\- DREAM -_ **

_He was drowning again. Drowning under the blue lights from that hospital room, which were like the siren call for the Death to come and get him. Holding his hand in a tight hold. Bringing him not peaceful and painless death, but one that was of utter agony. In isolation and alone, under those blue lights. Not even Kate was there this time, because she was dead. Died on the rooftop.  
_

_Unable to fight it any longer, he finally gave up as he always did. Too tired, he let the darkness slowly pull him away, down into the murky waters. It was easier that way. He was tired of fighting against his destiny. If it was his destiny to roll over and die, then so be it. There was nothing stopping him this time.  
_

_Blue lights, it was the last thing he saw before everything turned pitch black._

_"Tony!"_

* * *

Tony woke up with a loud gasp and the first thing he saw was the blue color. Not the sickly blue from his dream, but the eyes of his boss. A little too close for his comfort. The man looked worried and pale, almost ashen. Taking in a deep lungful of that sweet air, Tony frowned at the odd feeling on his lips. It was then that he realized he was on the ground, outside the car. "Boss..? Did you just..?"

"You weren't breathing," Gibbs growled softly.

"You gave me CPR... It was just a bad dream, Gibbs. A very bad dream, but still just a dream." Tony sat up slowly, feeling slightly dizzy, as his brains were still fighting the effects of not having enough oxygen.

"You. Weren't. Breathing," Gibbs repeated his previous words, putting more emphasis to each spoken word. "Not for too long I hope, but long enough. I'm pretty sure I saw a hint of blue on your lips. And you didn't give any signs of awareness. Scared me half to death."

Ignoring the fact that his boss had just admitted being scared, Tony made a face. "So you gave me CPR. Thanks, but... Let's not share that one with anyone... Please?"

There was some humor peeking through the serious eyes and Gibbs finally sat down. His knees didn't thank him for kneeling on the hard ground for that long. "Just don't do it again."

Without promising anything, Tony hummed softly. "I wish that I... Would it be wrong to be selfish? To do something that's only to save myself..."

Gibbs had no real answer to give, when he didn't even know what the question was about. "Would it bring trouble to someone else?"

"I don't know... I think not."

"Not selfish then. It's called self preservation. And if anyone deserves to be a little selfish now and then, it's you."

Tony didn't look convinced. He never got the chance to voice his doubts, since that's when Jackson ran outside.

"The ambulance is on the way!"

Hearing Jackson's words, Tony turned to look at Gibbs with wide eyes. "Please tell me you didn't..?"

"You stopped breathing," Gibbs pointed out and was it now the third time?

"I get it. But it really was just a bad reaction from a very bad dream. I would've woken up and started breathing on my own again before it got too serious. Not that I mean to sound ungrateful, boss..."

"Don't make me say it again, for the _fourth_ time, DiNozzo," Gibbs growled and then something hit and started bothering him. What Tony had said or _how_ he had said it. "This isn't first time this has happened, is it?"

Tony swallowed visibly. Right, he almost forgot that little detail. "Maybe..?"

And of course, Gibbs swore loudly. "You should've told me! How long? Since when?"

"I'm pretty sure that's none of your business."

"The he—"

"Language, Leroy," Jackson scolded. He had been observing the two men with much interest. While he and his son had somehow agreed to give their relationship another chance, he was yet to find out who this young man was. A friend?

"Dad..." Gibbs glared at his father, but Tony was already in a much better mood.

"Yes, _Leroy_. Language."

"DiNozzo..." Gibbs warned and raised his hand up for a head slap.

"Leroy! Don't you dare!" Jackson looked shocked. Although, why was he? This was Leroy being... Well, himself.

Tony smirked at the annoyed look on his boss's face. "You should listen to your dad, boss."

Gibbs shook his head. He was starting to wonder if this was such a good idea after all. Letting his dad and Tony meet...


	65. This Life Is As Fragile As A Dream

Even though both his dad and Tony had been asleep for couple of hours now, Gibbs found himself unable to even close his eyes that night. His mind was still revisiting that moment when he opened the car door and had then soon realized something was very wrong. How the silence in the car had been too silent...

It had taken Tony some time to speak his way out of going to the hospital, but both Gibbs men had kept an eye on the young man who could fake his way through life threatening situations, until he was alone and could crash without anyone there to see his moment of 'weakness'. Gibbs would also make sure that Ducky was aware of what happened... Just for the sake of his own peace of mind if nothing else.

Opening the bedroom door as quietly as he could, Gibbs stepped in the room where only the moon shining through the window gave some light. He shook his head at the way his Agent was sleeping. Too close to falling off the bed and his feet on the pillow. Tony frowned in his sleep and he mumbled something, but didn't wake up. Thankfully Gibbs had worked on his skills of stealth to be able to sneak in the room without waking the man who was a light sleeper.

"What am I going to do with you, DiNozzo?" he spoke so quietly it was more like breathing out the words. Still, even that seemed to be too loud as Tony seemed almost startled in his sleep, but it wasn't enough to wake him up.

* * *

  _ **\- DREAM REALITY -** _

_It was that dream again, or not a dream. Whatever it was, if it meant he would catch a break from his nightmares, Tony welcomed it with open arms._

_This time he opened his eyes to find himself sitting on one of the two chairs in a hospital room. It was different room from the one before, but he gave that only a moment of thought as he saw himself and the much older looking Gibbs. Strangely enough the he in bed didn't look any older than what he remembered when looking into mirror last time, when he had been older. Maybe it was because from the looks of things he'd spent a very long time 'sleeping', while Gibbs looked like he was carrying the weight of the entire world on his shoulders, even without the age factor._

_It never got any less weird, thinking about these things..._

_Tony's eyes went to the hand that was brushing through the comatose Tony's hair. It was gentle and the old man's hand was trembling, almost as if he was afraid to touch the man in bed. Noticing the haunted look on Gibbs's face for the first time, Tony was taken aback for a moment when he finally realized that Gibbs had a beard. Proper, untidy beard. And long gone was his Marine haircut._

_Gibbs's gruff voice startled Tony out of his shock,_ _"I'm sorry... It's my fault you're like this... I should've never done it..."_

_Tony frowned as he tried to make sense of what the man was talking about. Why was he blaming himself?_

_"Should've known whenever people told me I shouldn't be doing it... Shouldn't have used your head as my target so much..."_

_When what Gibbs was saying finally hit home, Tony started chuckling. Because really, who else would this happen to? Had his boss indeed literally head slapped him into a coma? But how? On that day he had been walking around just fine after that last angry slap against his head and— Oh.  
_

_"I should've at least made you see the doctor when you fell... But I had to be that bastard who couldn't see through my blind rage..."_

_Tony had a flashback then, which was about the last day, when he finally walked out. The day when his entire reality did the tumble in mid air and then landed him flat on his face, from where he then rolled down the long bumpy hill and into the deepest ditch his body could find. On that day things had been getting really nasty, as they usually did whenever Gibbs was rewriting even his own rules when he went after some bad guy who had become some personal insult to his injury. Thanks to that, it had ended almost as Ari 2.0. and this time it had nearly been his SFA who paid the ultimate price._

_Thankfully—and somewhat ironically—it was him falling flat on his back that had saved Tony's life from the bullet aimed toward his brains. All thanks to Gibbs for slapping his head, when he dared to question the man's ability to make any decisions, let alone give orders when they were getting too much and way beyond anything legal. After that he'd suffered from a growing headache... He still couldn't remember that moment between falling and then Gibbs slapping at his face and telling him to stop 'sleeping on the job'._

_Surely this was a joke or some misguided guilt? Dying because of some head slapping and a very bad timing... Or ending up in a coma or whatever this was. It didn't sound like the way heroes in the movies would die... Then again, he was no hero. Was he?  
_

_"Am I doing the right thing, Tony..? They keep telling me to let you go... But I can't... If I do... I don't think I... Are they right..? Am I keeping you here against your will..?"_

_Tony stared at the lonely tear rolling down the wrinkles and then disappearing in the beard that was trembling. A giveaway to the trembling of the man's chin. He really didn't know this Gibbs... Was this really his boss?  
_

_"Is that what you want..? Do you want me to let you go..?" When Gibbs's eyes went to the machine, which had to be the thing keeping his body alive, Tony felt himself turn cold inside._

_He had never given it thought. Whatever this dream was—if it even was a dream—if it was real, then what would it mean to the him now if something were to happen here, in this place? He had no idea, but while he wasn't scared of dying, this wasn't the time for it either._

_Although it felt like he had been nailed to the chair, Tony forced himself to stand up on his strangely weak feet and he stumbled closer to the bed and Gibbs._

_"Six years, Tony... It's been six long years of waiting... I can't... Not getting any younger here, DiNozzo... What happens if I die and you never wake up..?"_

_Well, that could explain why Gibbs was looking so much older. The years and then all that worry and who knows what else... Tony wondered if anyone took care of the old 'b'. The man looked skinny and even frail. Nothing like the big bad Marine boss he remembered..._

_It was then that it happened. For the first time since walking away. A seed of forgiveness was planted somewhere in his hardened heart. Tony had never thought it would be possible, not when this Gibbs had betrayed his trust for the last time, and yet there it now was. Not as a flourishing plant of forgiveness, but the seed had already began to set its roots in him. Life was too short for endless grudges. The evidence was in this room, in front of his eyes. Forgive, but never forget... Could he truly let go of his anger toward this old man here? Would he be strong enough..?  
_

_Not giving it any thought, Tony reached out his hand to lay it on the old man's trembling shoulder. His hand went right through and for a moment he just stared at his hand sticking through the only living body in the room._

_"Gibbs..."_

* * *

It was becoming boringly unsurprising waking up like this, sitting up and gasping for his breath, sometimes even shouting out something. Thankfully there was no shouting this time, but waking up in cold sweat brought not the usual feeling of horror from his nightmares, but deep sadness that felt almost like a physical wound. "Gibbs..."

"Good. You're awake." Gibbs's voice coming from the bedroom door startled Tony and for a moment he could only stare at the younger face of his boss, illuminated by the moonlight. It was much less open and not that broken aging man sitting beside the comatose former SFA. Tony had to fight back his impulse to touch Gibbs's face and he tried to ignore the memory of his hand going through his boss. He shuddered. It had been the weirdest thing ever.

"What time is it..?"

"Time for coffee."

"That early..?" Tony muttered to the empty room as the man was already gone. Raising up his hand he stared at it. " _'Well, there's something you don't see every day...'_ " he spoke quietly to himself, imitating the voice of Bill Murray aka Dr. Peter Venkman.

When he slowly made his way in the kitchen, Tony couldn't stop himself from yawning constantly. His body was telling him how it was still too early, but the smell of coffee was too tempting now that he was up. "Boss... It's way too early and even the sun is sleeping, smart thing that is... I bet even your dad is still asleep..." Tony muttered as he sat behind the kitchen table where Gibbs already was with coffee for them both.

"I know... I think we need to talk..."

"We've already talked..."

"Apparently we haven't."

Tony shook his head, as if doing that could get him out of the situation or wake him up. He reached toward the coffee in a grumpy and sleepy manner of a five year old.

Gibbs held back a smile. Alright, he could give the man some time to wake up properly before attempting any kind of conversation...

Few cups of coffee later for them both—and another full pot on the way—Tony was looking much more alert as his entire body had turned tenser than a violin string. More than that and something might snap, so Gibbs decided it was the time to start talking.

"I meant what I said, Tony. You're my family. Do you understand what I'm saying..?"

Tony shrugged and kept his eyes on the table. He looked still too tense, but at least he wasn't acting something he wasn't and Gibbs rather took this than no emotion at all or one of those forced sugary sweet smiles.

"I'm a bastard..." he started and Tony snorted in amusement. "I am a bastard and I'm not going to change," he admitted it with some regret. "Not completely... And I will always lose my head over certain things. Especially when it's about people I care about... All I can do is try my best. For the rest of it... Well, I could use someone to head slap _me_ back into sanity..." Gibbs smirked as he was pretty sure if there was anyone brave enough to actually take his words seriously and do it, then it was Tony.

Tony licked his lips as if they were dry. His nerves were making his skin tingle and he was dreading to say his next words. He wasn't scared or anything, but this wasn't something that had even crossed his mind, until now. There were things far bigger to worry about than something like this, and yet... "Boss... About those head slaps... Don't do it anymore."

The cup of coffee stopped halfway to the man's lips and although Gibbs was clearly startled, he didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. In his typical manner, just one look from him told Tony to keep talking. To explain himself.

Tony tried to not swallow at the piercing stare. "They're not professional and they're humiliating. I know I'm not mighty Agent Gibbs, but I've been doing this kind of work for so many years that I can hardly even remember the time before. I think... I hope I'm good enough to be at least treated as the SFA I am supposed to be. But if you don't show me respect in front of the others..."

A memory came to his head then, from both this life and the other one, and Tony smiled bitterly. "Do you know what people talk about behind our backs? They either laugh at me and wonder just how bad I must be at my work, because you're always slapping my head for the smallest things, or then they plot revenge against you and wonder if I'm mad for allowing it to go on... Slapping my head, it doesn't help me focus. For what it's worth, it may not look like it sometimes, but I'm always focused and I thought the results would show it... And when you have a bad day, you don't hold back and those slaps give me a headache."

For a moment Tony thought Gibbs was going to slap him just for telling the boss to not head slap him.

"You never told me... Do they really hurt that much..?"

Tony fidgeted. He didn't want to answer. Now that he got it out, he regretted bringing up something so meaningless. It was just a head slap. Right..? "Well, not always... Only when you're in a really bad mood..."

Gibbs may be a bastard, but even he was aware of the fact that his bad days outweighed his good days. His head was suddenly filled with flashes of memories where he had slapped the young Agent's head. Too often he had been almost looking for excuses when he had a bad day or the case wasn't being solved fast enough or the way he wanted. He had turned Tony's head into his personal outlet for his anger and frustration. Sometimes it wasn't even that, was it..? Gibbs then had another flash of memory. After one of such head slaps he had turned around and saw Tony rubbing his head with a pained look on his face, when he thought no one was looking at him. Did he cause that?

"Why didn't you tell me..?"

"I didn't know if you would care." Tony didn't mean to say that out loud and the look on his face was almost startled, before embarrassment came. He looked up when Gibbs raised a hand on his shoulder. The look on the older man's face was almost... remorseful..?

"I'm sorry..."

"Rule 6, boss."

Without thinking about it, Gibbs raised his hand to give a head slap for the smartass tone of voice and comment. They both froze. Tony, because he still had that memory from his latest 'dream'. Gibbs, because it only now truly hit him how easily this action came from him and without any conscious thought.

"Have to work on that..." Gibbs muttered gruffly and he pulled his hand away, feeling as if something had burned it. He _really_ had to work on that if he wanted to be in control of his own actions again.

Tony shrugged and rubbed the back of his head. He didn't put much faith in that Gibbs could go without slapping his head forever, but he didn't dare say it out loud. The man might just for that prove his doubts real...


	66. Starry, Starry Night

"Where do we stand, Tony?"

They were sitting in the living room in front of the fireplace and although it was still dark outside, they could smell the breakfast in the kitchen. At some point during their talk—and sometimes silence as they drank their coffee—Jackson had walked in the kitchen. The sleepy old man had looked confused only for a moment before he seemed almost resigned to start making them all some very early breakfast. Tony had felt guilty and started apologizing, but Gibbs simply dragged him in the living room.

Tony's silence was the worst kind of answer he thought he'd be getting and Gibbs felt his hand almost getting a cramp with the way he kept holding back his automatic reaction to give a head slap.

"I don't trust you," Tony finally admitted and somehow getting the answer didn't make Gibbs feel any better. "I don't trust you, but to be fair I don't trust anyone. It's not just you. And for what it's worth, I do trust you to watch my back in the field..."

"But it's still on me, isn't it..?"

Tony gave his boss the look that told the man more than any words could. Then he turned his head away and he was staring at the fire again. It was almost hypnotic, the way the flames were dancing and trying to lull him into that feeling of false security. Just like Gibbs with his moments of sweet words and actions. He had no energy to even think about how to make things easier for both of them, but mostly for the older man. And he knew he shouldn't do it, so he decided to let go and simply not bother. He had his head full of other things to worry about as it was. He didn't need Gibbs to add more to it. There was no room for more.

"Tony?"

"Yes. It is," Tony answered. "Is that what you want me to say, boss? It's not that simple."

"Well, make it simple," Gibbs almost snapped.

Tony the ever observant one spotted the underlying anger and his eyes narrowed. "You're an ass. The kind who is sitting in his little black hole and expects the entire universe to move around you and your feelings, which people are supposed to know about, even when you usually only let it out in form of anger. Then there are small moments where you almost seem like the rest of us mere mortals, but then you crawl back in that hole and act like it's okay and I'm supposed to know when I should take it personally and when not." Tony shook his head. "And the thing is... It would be so much easier if I could just hate you. Stop giving me these mixed signals, please. I don't do well with uncertainty. I need to know where _I_ stand, without second guessing everything all the time and without worrying when I'll be kicked down again."

"That the dream you talking again..?"

"Don't go there again, boss... You asked me where we stand. But what about me? Where do I stand? What am I to you?"

"I told you. You're my family."

"Gibbs..." Tony looked uncomfortable. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't see you as my family."

And didn't that hurt? Gibbs honestly tried to not show the deep hurt on his face, but some of his feelings might have slipped through or then it was simply Tony being Tony, because the young man had almost pitying look on his face.

"You can always prove me wrong or maybe with some time we'll learn how to be one, but if you are going to change your mind later, please don't even bother."

"I would never..."

"I know you think you would never do that. But I'm also not sure if you even yourself know what's going on in your head half the time. Think about Ari... You can disagree with me all you want, but when you get like that, you're not being an investigator. You're running purely on how you feel and that clouds your judgment far more than you are aware... I would much rather take my father over your uncertain friendship any day. At least with him I know what to expect and nothing he does surprises me anymore."

Gibbs stared at his cup of coffee and realized it was still full and now cold. When he woke up Tony, it had been so he could tell some truths while the young man didn't have all his defenses up and then make sure Tony knew he was serious about this. Instead it was him who had received some harsh truths, and even he didn't like what he saw. And he had to look or he would never begin to even hope mending things between the two of them. As much as he loved the kid, Tony was almost annoyingly observant and could spot his lie or half truths miles away.

Gibbs froze as his train of thoughts came to a sudden stop. ' _Love_ '? Sure, he cared deeply about his Agent, but he was Gibbs. He didn't put his feelings into such big words. He could almost hear Shannon laughing at him with that delighted tone of voice.

Tony studied the other man silently. "Boss... Go get some sleep. I'll still be around when you wake up, I promise. Get some sleep and then we can talk more in the morning. The real morning."

Still greatly affected by his own thoughts, Gibbs didn't even utter a word as he stood up and left, leaving behind a man who hadn't thought his boss would actually take his words seriously enough to listen.

"This is maddening..." Tony muttered. He listened to the sounds of burning wood in the fireplace and waited until he was pretty sure Gibbs was asleep, if the man was even able to get any sleep with all that coffee they had both been drinking. Unsure if he was any good company for Jack right now, Tony decided to skip the kitchen as he finally stood up and went to sit outside the house where the fresh breeze was more refreshing than the coffee. He enjoyed what was left of the darkness that allowed him to see the stars.

He was humming the melody of ' _Vincent_ ', when Jackson joined him. When the old man didn't say anything at first and simply wrapped a huge blanket over his shoulders, Tony felt oddly warm at the gesture, which felt very much like a big hug. It was such a small thing, but he was unsure how to react. Before Tony could utter his awkward thanks, Jackson disappeared back inside, only to reappear soon with two huge cups of steaming hot chocolate.

"Thank you..." Tony mumbled as the old man gave him the other cup and then sat down next to him, smiling gently at the young man who being the impatient one nearly burned his mouth trying to drink too soon.

After a moment, Jackson finally spoke. "I have a feeling it's you I need to thank for bringing my wayward son back home."

"I didn't... It wasn't me. He decided it himself."

Jackson didn't look convinced, but thankfully he decided to let it go. "So... Who are you really? What are you to Leroy?"

"We're... We're coworkers. He's my boss..."

"I see..." Jackson smiled. Somehow it felt like he could see right through him, even better than Gibbs sometimes did, and Tony was feeling uncomfortable. Seeing that, Jackson decided he needed to do something to make his young guest feel a bit more relaxed around him. "Would you like to see some old photographs?"

Tony's entire expression brightened and even his body lost some of the sense of sadness it had been carrying until then.

* * *

It was only a few hours later that morning—the real morning—when Gibbs walked back in the kitchen to get his morning coffee. By some miracle he had slept well and he felt like there was no caffeine left in his system. Taking out a new cup, he nearly dropped it when Tony spoke from behind him.

"I think maybe you should drink and eat some more vitamins instead of coffee all the time."

"DiNozzo..." Gibbs growled. Filling his cup with fresh coffee, he joined Tony behind the kitchen table. "Where's..?"

"Went back to sleep couple of hours ago. There's some breakfast in the fridge, but it's cold though."

"Hmh..." Gibbs mumbled and he stared at the photo albums on the kitchen table. Tony was leafing through one of them with a smile on his face. "Is that..? DiNozzo..."

Tony had a mischievous look on his face and Gibbs inwardly groaned at all the possible stories his dad more than likely had already shared. "Your dad really wanted to share them with me and who am I to deny the wish of a kind and sweet old man?"

Gibbs shook his head. He wasn't yet awake enough for this. God knew he could only do two things in his current condition: Be his grumpy self or ignore everything around himself and his cup of coffee... At least the sleep had done him good and he was way more clear headed than before. He then wondered something he had been thinking about when it was mentioned last night. "Senior?"

"What..?"

Realizing he had spoken out, Gibbs hesitated. "Things really aren't good between you and your father?"

Tony's eyes darkened for a split second, but then he smiled. It was his 'we are not talking about this' smile. "Nope. I'm sure you know that much from the fact alone that he disowned me, and whatever other juicy little details you managed to get from my background search. But it's fine. It's past now and I'm over it."

Over it or not, Gibbs however was still angry when thinking about it. "He has no right to call himself your parent. No parent should disown a child. An adult, maybe, for a really good reason. A child? Never."

Shrugging his shoulders, Tony knew he was lying to himself as much as he was lying to Gibbs. "Like I said, I'm over it. I have no father."

Gibbs frowned, but he knew neither one of them was ready to open any wounds after last night. Plus, if he wasn't wrong, Tony was the only one who hadn't gone back to sleep.

"I've made some plans for today. When your dad wakes up, I'll go for a little walk..." Tony looked meaningfully at his boss and Gibbs started to almost panic. He wasn't sure if he was ready to spend too much time alone with his dad. That's why he brought Tony with him. "You'll be fine, boss. You two need to talk things through. For real. I know you. You'll think that some temporary fix will do. But a bandaid can do only so much... Trust me. And maybe you do end up yelling and arguing some, but you love him and he loves you," Tony sang the last part as he was channeling Barney, even though he'd never even liked that creepy thing.

Gibbs's hand rose and then it smacked back against the table as he stopped himself from slapping Tony's head. He looked both irritated and frustrated at the same time.

"Sorry, sorry. But really, you'll do fine." Tony almost added that at least the man had a father who did indeed love him and wanted to be in his life. But feeling stupid for even thinking about it, he mentally head slapped himself.

Feeling a mixture of gratitude and anger for what the young man was going to make him go through, Gibbs tapped Tony's hand with his fingers. It felt almost relief to be doing something with his hand when he was denied the slapping of a head. He desperately wanted to ask if they were going to be okay, but instead it was his usual gruff manner of keeping things as simple as he could, while hoping what he didn't say would still get to the other person. "Truce?"

"For now."

Well, it was a start, Gibbs mused and he wasn't naive to think that it would be easy road for either one of them. They were both stubborn and could both be equally bastardish. Only with Tony it was usually much more subtle and controlled. One might say it was much scarier than wearing it like some worn out clothing as Gibbs did, but he did have enough pride left in him to not allow himself fully admit it.

"By the way... I heard something interesting from Fornell the other day..." Tony said suddenly and he had odd look of amusement mixed with annoyance in his eyes.

"What..?" Gibbs asked almost carefully and he felt jealous at the mere thought of his sometimes friend getting too close to _his_ Agent. There was already that other guy—the Marine—whose name he couldn't remember and Isaac and... Who else would be next? And they were all before him...

"He told me how you dumped some half dead gangster in his arms. Then he told me some other things and... Well, it's a story I'm pretty sure I would _love_ to hear about in more details... Am I wrong, boss?" Tony smiled sweetly and Gibbs cursed Tobias for ratting him out.


	67. Very Special Overload

Timothy McGee scowled at the pile of files on his desk and he fought against the urge to push them on the floor. If he dared to be honest with himself, the real reason behind his mood was rest of the team, because it always felt to him as if it was the team and then there was him. The three of them—Gibbs, DiNozzo and Todd—were this very tightly knitted group. As much as Kate had one time reassured him that it had taken a long time for her to be accepted as part of the status quo, and that he should simply be patient and give it some time for them to learn to trust and get to know him, it did little to reassure him.

He had of course heard many tales of team Gibbs, before even meeting any of them, but he'd thought most of the stories were exaggerated, as it usually was the case with rumors. In this case however, many of those rumors were not only true, few were much worse in reality. That worse being his boss who was not easy man to work with.

Whenever it was time to go out in the field, McGee was taken along one time out of ten. Even then he was always with someone else and they were watching like a hawk his every move and were always correcting him and never being happy with how he did things. Then there was the reaming out their boss loved to do... McGee's ears burned just remembering the last time. And he was always given the most boring and demeaning tasks. He could bet none of the others had to ever go through any of that.

At the moment he wasn't sure whether he was glad to be left behind or insulted. True, he did his best work behind the computer than in the field, but he was no probie— Okay, so he was still a probie, but even Abby agreed that he had much more to offer. He couldn't wait for his chance to show them what he was made of... It didn't help that he'd already told people back home about his new job upgrade, so if any of them would show up at work or start asking questions... Well, he didn't need that kind of embarrassment...

As he was thinking about his team, the trio walked in. Tony and Kate were laughing at something, and even the boss had a faint smirk on his lips. While the others sat down behind their desks, Kate winced and started looking for something.

Tony looked at her with sympathy. "Your tooth again?" He opened one of his drawers and tossed a bottle of painkillers for Kate.

"Thanks..." she muttered her thanks and taking few, she tossed the bottle back to Tony.

"How was the case..?" McGee dared to finally ask.

The smile now gone, Tony at least looked at him. "It was... interesting," he answered, but didn't elaborate more and he was taking out the forms needed to fill out his report.

Almost whenever McGee asked—or rather when he didn't—people told him how wonderful person this Agent DiNozzo was. Funny and good at what he did, made easily friends with even some of the most unexpected people. But for McGee it seemed to be the complete opposite. The man gave off this cool professional vibe and kept his distance whenever dealing with their probie, talking about only things related to work. It wasn't as if the man was cruel toward him either, nor treated him somehow badly. If anything, their relationship was entirely by the book workplace relationship. No more and no less. And then once in a while McGee saw the difference, between the man's relationship with him and the rest of the team.

"Tony, man!"

Tony looked up and his entire face broke into a smile, so bright and happy that McGee's thoughts stopped for a moment. So this was the ultimate difference..? The ultimate difference between how the man treated him, compared to others.

"Jefferson, you dimwit!" Tony jumped up and rushed to hug the stranger. "Long time no see! Looking good."

'Jefferson' shrugged, not looking one bit offended by the name calling. If anything, his smile widened even more. "Nah. Few more pounds here and there, but could be worse. Have you seen Foster? Now that's something else..."

"No!" Tony gaped. "Foster the beanpole? The guy who could easily eat a week's worth of food all by himself—in a day—and never gain any extra weight? You're kidding right?"

"Nope. But he seems happy and his wife adores him and his love handles, so I guess it's our loss." The man grinned and Tony shook his head, still in awe at whoever this Foster guy was.

Tony turned around to his team. "Boss. Kate." Then he hesitated. "McGee. This is Jefferson. We became cops at the same time. We were frenemies. Boss, it means—"

"I know what it means," Gibbs said gruffly.

As McGee watched and listened to the beginning of storytelling and laughter between the former cops, the rest of the team seemed to forget his existence. Not that they did it on purpose, he hoped, but there simply wasn't anything he could say nor they to him. It was frustrating and awkward like nothing else. Watching the comradeship play out in front of his eyes, he realized he wanted that. Why did guys like DiNozzo have to be so popular, no matter how old they were? Meanwhile guys like him who actually had earned it all, had those same people from school steal all the spotlight again. It wasn't fair. Green monster of envy and bitterness was deeply rooted in his heart then and McGee swore to prove himself to be better than them all.

 _Green_... McGee wondered, for the second time that day, when had their orange walls been painted green? Even their Director had seemed rather taken aback when he came to work that morning.

* * *

_**\- FLASHBACK -** _

_"Sir," Tony said as he walked in the office._

_"Agent DiNozzo." Tom closed the files on his desk and looked at the young man expectantly. With Gibbs he always dreaded what came out of the man's mouth, since more often than not it was either spitting out frogs or turning into a fire breathing dragon. With DiNozzo? Well, you never quite knew, but at least you were able to have intelligent conversations with this one._

_"So, I was going to do this big prank and all—and trust me no one could've proven it was me, I have my ways—but then I figured for this I might as well ask both your permission and to not reveal it's done with a permission." Tony grinned. "I mean it is a bit more permanent kind of prank."_

_"A prank..?" Tom shook his head. Did he just think you never quite knew what to expect with this man in question? That was an understatement._

_Tony waved his hand dismissively. "Anyway. I think I would only do everyone a favor anyway. Orange walls? Really? Come on... It's such an eyesore."_

_"Walls?" Tom repeated weakly._

_"I'm going to paint those walls." Seeing the alarmed look, Tony grinned again. "Fear not, I know how to paint a few walls. I've done it before." He then pulled out a paper. "So if I'd do it, I figured I better stick to a color of some kind. Easier too if I want it done fast... Green or blue? Green is the color of balance, harmony, peace and it's restful... Blue is the color of the mind, soothing, serene and it's calming..." he finished reading from the paper and looked up. "But it might also look somewhat cold. What do you think?"_

_Tom was quiet for a while, long enough for Tony to take that as the answer. "Green," he finally answered and his Agent's entire face blossomed into a big smile._

_"Awesome. Now... What shade of green?"_

_Tom nearly groaned when several color examples were slapped on his desk.  
_

* * *

_Not much of a prank_ , Tony mused rather unhappily when he heard yet another praise toward the much more likable color scheme, compared to the orange walls from before. Maybe he was losing his touch..? It was now later in the morning and things had become rather quiet and boring, even sleepy. More than once you could either see or hear someone yawning loudly. It was one of _those_ days, when everyone were secretly hoping for something to happen. Anything to kill that mood.

Suddenly someone cursed out loud. "Who superglued my bottom drawer?! It's where I keep my—! My... Who superglued my drawer?!"

People were snickering and Tony smirked. Oh yes. He'd seen those magazines alright... It was the man's own fault for bringing such things to work. The young Agent was also McGee 2.0. so that was supposed to help some. It didn't.

Another yell, and some heavy cursing, was soon heard. "Who superglued my coffee cup on the desk!?" The person sounded very close to throwing a fit as would probably any coffee addict going through withdrawal. When Tony glanced toward her and he smirked slightly. She had her mouth on—more like in—the cup, trying to drink the coffee that way. It didn't work once the coffee was too far for both her mouth and tongue to reach.

Soon enough there happened numerous other superglue incidents. All nothing serious, if anything the things glued were the things distracting those people from their work, and never twice to the same person, but it was still frustrating to those it happened to.

Gibbs gave Tony a long hard stare until the young man looked at him. He raised his eyebrow in question, but Tony shrugged and looked innocent as a newborn baby.

All in all, Tony barely even reacted to the pranks happening around them. It had been supposed to help him 'scratch the itch', but while it was amusing at first, the itch was back stronger than ever. "It's just not quite the same..." he muttered quietly and feeling more bored than ever. Either he needed a case to focus all his nervous energy on or something else to get rid of this boredom and... Well, to distract him somehow.

Looking at McGee, Tony had to hold back a sigh. It was surprisingly hard, acting as if he didn't care about the probie. No more than as someone he just happened to work with. It also meant there hadn't been any pranks either... True, the man's ability to work in the field was rather... questionable at best, and they'd never been actual friends even in the other life, but he had cared about the man. It was his greatest weakness, caring too much about people, even the ones who wouldn't shed a tear if he died.

At least things had calmed down between him and Gibbs. After the visit to Stillwater, things had been relatively well, whatever that meant. Although the dreams were still tormenting him, but other than that the cases came and went, which was becoming increasingly frustrating as more often than not he'd already worked on them 'before'... It was all so very frustrating and made the itch for pranks—or wanting to quote movie quotes—even stronger...

Somewhere a guy screamed like a girl when he opened his drawer and out came a cloud of confetti. He was one of those people who would start shooting at anything that moved if he wasn't prepared for it beforehand. The probie among the probies... His reaction now was to grab his gun and nearly start shooting. Thankfully, he recovered from his surprise in time.

"Andres! What is wrong with you!?" the man's boss roared. "Put that away!"

Tony sighed sadly. Yep. It just was not the same...

* * *

The next morning the mood had improved greatly and Tony was even smiling more widely. Walking in the bullpen, he was just in time to hear Kate arranging her dentist appointment, much as she hated it.

"I'm sure you'll be fine," he said and then wincing with her.

Kate shook her head carefully. "I hate this so much."

"Well... Don't forget to go this time."

Kate glared at him, even giving the evil eye, but Tony could forgive that, knowing the pain had to be terrible. He gave her the bottle of pills, knowing she'd be needing them again later.

When Gibbs arrived with the case that was meant to be a test for McGee—the one he would fail, even if he did figure out a few things afterwards, for a while—Tony was hit with another dilemma. What should he do? McGee needed to learn, but on the other hand this was another life that could possibly be saved... By the time their probie was leaving, looking awfully pleased, Tony made up his mind.

"Boss..." The boss looked at him with a look that said ' _I haven't had enough coffee yet, so talk fast_ ' and Tony almost winced. "Never mind..."

Gibbs felt guilty, but when Tony didn't go back to explaining what was on his mind, he nodded. "You know you can trust me, right..?"

Tony forced a smile on his face. "Yeah." But he didn't feel like talking anymore. The moment was gone. Much as they were working on their relationship, many things between them was still not quite there yet. Not for the first time, he wished things would be, if not easy, easier.

* * *

McGee's meeting with Erin Kendall went as one would expect—after having seen it happen the first time—which was him becoming too 'buddy buddy' with her, forgetting to keep personal and work separate. And he wasn't even working undercover, where the danger of forgetting the job was actually present—aka Jeanne Benoit—but that was a whole another can of worms. Looking back, nothing about that case had been right nor was it done well. Not to mention how at the time Tony hadn't been in a good enough place to go playing those games anyway... Perfect for Jenny to use him.

One thing was different this time. For some reason this probie was even more determined to 'prove' himself and was almost overbearing with his need to prove that he was right and could do this. While Tony knew the most likely outcome of the case, it was still a bit too much and he couldn't help but wonder if the 'not being fully part of the team' had something to do with it. But then it wasn't like the younger man needed his approval to be part of their team. Either he was or he wasn't.

Tony knew all too well what it was like to be part of a team for years— longer than anyone apart from Gibbs—only to suddenly not be one of them. So he couldn't quite understand those sour looks thrown his way every now and then. If anything, the man had it good. No pranks, no extra attention from the SFA who was never respected as one in the other life. Things were now strictly professional.

Keeping things professionally distant wasn't appreciated, but when Tony tried to give some friendly 'pointers' and push the younger man toward the right direction, so that he could indeed 'prove his worth', McGee had somehow managed to take it as an insult of some kind. So finally Tony had no other choice, but hide in the shadows like some creep and stop the killer from murdering Erin. That raised new kind of problems, which he hadn't needed.

Since it had been such a close call, Erin got all weepy and needed to be comforted, which of course had to be when McGee finally made it to them. Somehow it was twisted into jealousy and thoughts that Tony had done it all on purpose, to 'get the girl'. Ironically, the probie wasn't entirely wrong. After all, Tony had indeed gone there on purpose, to stop the death from happening and McGee having to carry that guilt. But none of it had anything to do with wanting to get the girl.

It was what it was, and few angry private words had been exchanged, but all they could do now was close the case that had left both men feeling frustrated. Tony, because it seemed he could only bring out the worst in some people. And McGee, because he didn't get the chance to shine and be the one saving the girl.

At least Abby seemed happier now that Erin wasn't around anymore... And speaking of Abby, for some reason she had given up permanent hair dye and was now carrying quite proudly her natural blonde hair color. The relationship with her wasn't quite there to be fixed yet either, but Tony had given up. If she wished for it, then she had to make the first, real, move toward it and accept that there would be no quick fixing, but hard work. Probably even quite painful at times.

Later things were seemingly the calm after the storm. But as McGee started typing on his computer, he realized something was wrong. He couldn't get his fingers off the keyboard... And as he kept trying to pull his fingers free, he finally had the attention from rest of the team.

"You have a problem?" Gibbs growled, looking rather annoyed as usual.

"I... I can't get my fingers off..." McGee almost whispered. He looked around nervously. "I think... I think someone put superglue on my keyboard..."

"You think?" Gibbs raised a brow. From the corner of his eye, he observed his Second who was looking amused, but innocent as usual.

"Well... Yeah... I mean... Because of those incidents from before and... I can't remove my fingers from this..!"

Gibbs nearly rolled his eyes and took out a bottle from his drawer. A nail polish remover. Why he had that, no one dared to ask.

As Tony watched his boss help out their wide eyed probie, he dared to smirk. Oh yes... This was more like it... Small, not quite, payback was the perfect excuse and also soothed some of the hurt he was still feeling...

* * *

"DiNozzo. Wait. I'm almost done." Gibbs looked up from his paperwork. It was clear that he was struggling, since they'd been just given yet more paperwork to do, thanks to someone who thought it made solving crimes easier, or had something against putting criminals away. Either way, it was going to become even more ridiculous in the future.

For a moment Tony felt sorry for Gibbs and wondered if he should have started taking the man's paperwork as part of his own job. He shook off that thought. He couldn't spoil them this time. Once in a while was fine, for a good enough reason, but not when he knew his boss could do it... Or you know, should know how to do it. Remembering again just how much worse the paperwork would become, Tony felt kind of sorry for the old man... Oh, he could foresee many moments of frustration and anger over them...

It was so close that Tony had almost fallen back into that familiar pattern. His first year working with Gibbs and one day the boss had enough of paperwork and dropped it on Tony's desk. By the time the older man was back from his lengthy coffee break, he had found all the files back on his own desk. Other than what was needed to move the papers from one desk to another, the papers remained untouched. Gibbs had glared hard, but from that day on he hadn't tried to push his own work for his SFA to do.

"I'm a big boy, boss. I think I can handle going home on my own," Tony pointed out. Gibbs had lately become like a leech again. Stuck on him wherever he went to or then it was Kate when the boss couldn't be there. Quite frankly he couldn't stand this anymore.

"DiNozzo..." Gibbs frowned. There were deep lines of worry on his face. There hadn't been so many before Tony came into his life and his gray hair had lost what little color it still used to have.

McGee seemed, as usual, baffled by the whole relationship between the two, but Kate observed the two men with amusement shining in her eyes. She had learned by now that no one stated out loud what kind of relationship these two men had. It was some kind of unwritten rule. One she didn't quite understand. _Men_... Probably.

"Oh come on, boss... Fine. I'll wait you by the car then." Tony rolled his eyes and left the bullpen, muttering something about his overbearing boss.

Kate waited until Tony was gone before she spoke. "You know... I kind of agree with him. He's a grown man, with a gun."

Gibbs glared and removed the much hated glasses he was forced to wear. "Go after him."

"Did you listen to me at all?"

"Kate, please..."

Not because he ordered her, but because he never told her 'please', Kate got up and went, muttering something quietly.

Gibbs stared after her with a frown. His mind was telling him that they were both right and he was going too far with his behavior, but lately his gut had started giving him warning signals again and he couldn't ignore it anymore...

Meanwhile, Tony was walking to his car, which was right next to Gibbs's car. He cursed the way Gibbs had gone from being Gibbs to this worrywart he didn't even know how to deal with... And he doubted Ziva and her ilk would make another appearance anytime soon either... Right now the only thing to truly worry about would be Voltolini, who had become quiet once more. He was kind of angry that Gibbs had made those men stop following him. At least before he had some kind of idea where the man or one of his people were. Now? He had no idea. Not knowing was the worst possible situation. Then again knowing wasn't so great either...

It wasn't a sound or that he saw anything, but suddenly he felt the presence of someone behind him. While normally he would put it down to one of the other agents going home, but he felt the hairs on his neck stand up. His hand moved quickly toward his holster.

"Don't or I'll shoot you." The voice was familiar, but it didn't make any sense. Moving his hand away from his gun, Tony turned around slowly.


	68. Better Watch Out

"Bang." The man laughed at his own joke. "I'm disappointed, Junior. Had I been carrying a gun, you would be dead already. Then again you never were much good at anything you did. From your failed sports career to choosing to become a cop of all things, and always jumping from one place to another. It's not surprising if you're not much to talk about even as some Agent. And what is NCIS anyway? At least you should've chosen something people can recognize."

"Dad." Tony stared at the old man who thankfully had no weapon. He was very careful to not show any of his real feelings outwardly, since the man would only soak it all up and turn it into psychological weapon. Either way, Tony's blood pressure was still far too close to the roof. "What are you doing here? How?"

Apparently the FBI hadn't been able to keep his father locked away this time either and Tony wondered just what kind of trick the old man had pulled out of his sleeve this time, or who walked with their pockets heavier now... He would make sure to find out what kind of fool had allowed the man anywhere near the Navy Yard. Near _him_.

Senior leaned against his son's car and studied the young man he hadn't seen in years. "How? I'm your father, Junior. Of course I'm here. All I had to do was pull out the charm and pull a few heartstrings and I got in." He patted at his visitor's badge. "As for what I'm doing here, I figured we could go to your place or for a little ride and I will explain." Senior looked displeased, which was his default emotion around his son. "I decided to wait by your car, but I didn't realize you would make me wait for such a long time."

There was no way he would willingly let the old conman find out where he lived. "Dad, please... I was working." And since he seemed to have a death wish of some kind, Tony added: "It's a word that I know you're not familiar with, but you can look up the definition from the dictionary."

"Watch your mouth, boy. If I were you I would be very careful what I say."

Tony smiled humorlessly as he was no longer intimidated by his old man, as he would've been 'before'. Of course that still didn't mean he enjoyed his company. "You should watch your own actions. There are cameras here, if you weren't aware."

Senior's eyes narrowed and he glanced quickly around, as if truly only then realizing things wouldn't be as private there as he probably had hoped for. Seeing no cameras, although they were there if he'd looked carefully enough, he moved forward and grabbed Tony's arm and started pulling him toward the car. "Where are your car keys?"

"What?" Tony struggled against the hold. "I'm not going anywhere with you." He could've easily enough put his training for some good use to get away, but he didn't have to.

"Hey! Let go of him!" It was Kate. Tony was both cursing her arrival and feeling grateful for not having to be alone with Senior anymore.

Senior turned around and looked at her appraisingly. "Is she your—?"

"No," Tony denied quickly, before his father could utter anything embarrassing. He almost forgot his arm was still being held in the man's grip.

Kate, figuring she should try to show this stranger that she was being serious, pulled out her weapon and repeated her words, harshly. "Let go of him. Now."

Senior scoffed, but at least he finally let go. The look that he now gave her was both appraising and the one of utmost disrespect and displeasure. Senior didn't voice his thoughts—no doubt because the woman was armed—but Tony could still pretty much hear what his father was thinking and it made him almost visibly cringe.

Only barely keeping himself from rubbing his arm, Tony shot a quick grateful smile for Kate, before he schooled his features again and turned to look at his father again. "Leave and don't come back. I don't know how you weaseled your way in here, since I thought I made sure you wouldn't be able to, but I'll make sure to find out who made this happen."

"Junior..."

"I don't want to hear it, dad," Tony snapped and even without seeing he could sense Kate's shock and surprise. "You and I have said all we had to say to each other, years ago. You did anyway. You cut me off. Guess what? I cut off you as well. You might as well marry again and have another son or, I don't know, find out if you have a few bastards out there and acknowledge them. I bet one of them could be everything you ever wanted."

"Don't," Kate warned when the old man made a threatening move toward her partner.

"We will talk, Junior." Narrowing his eyes, Senior finally walked away.

"Don't hold your breath, _Senior_."

The silence after that was awkward and Kate finally put away her gun, although her hand kept hovering near it for a while. "So... That was your..?"

"Yep."

"Oh..." She had no idea what else to say. Especially knowing just how private person her partner was with all things... private.

"Yep." He rubbed his arm again. Man, did the old man even now have that iron grip... "Thanks for... You know."

"Of course. I'm..." Kate closed her mouth. Sorry somehow didn't seem quite right either.

"Don't. He's not worth wasting your brain cells for. He is what he is. I've learned to live with it."

The look in her eyes became sad and something very close to pity and man didn't that make things even more unpleasant for him. "You shouldn't have to..."

Tony shook his head. He really didn't want to talk about it, nor did he want her pity. "So, I guess I can't get you to agree not to mention this to the boss?"

Kate did rather impressive Gibbs impression, raised eyebrow and everything. "Oh, I don't know about that... I mean, it's your private life, so it's your business, but if your father brings you more trouble... I don't know..." She stared at the arm, which he still kept rubbing and realizing that he was doing it, he stopped. "But I think you should tell Gibbs."

"I'll think about it..."

"Hmhm..."

"Fine. I'll actually really think about it." Tony rolled his eyes. He then suddenly realized why Kate was there. "Wait. Did Gibbs send you?"

"Well..."

Tony groaned. Great. Well, it had proved to be good thing this time, but come on. At this rate he wouldn't be able to even go to the bathroom alone, thank you, Senior.

"He's only worrying and, I hate to admit, this time he was right. Gut feelings and all." Kate stared at her partner silently for a moment. "Alright. Strip." She regretted it almost as soon as the word was out.

"Why, Kate, I had no idea..." Tony wiggled his eyebrows with a wide grin. "Didn't think you'd ever ask."

"Oh, cut it. Your shirt. Take it off. I need to see your arm." She could've of course just asked to roll up the sleeve, but knowing Tony, she wanted to make sure nothing else had been done to him before she arrived.

The bravado and amusement was gone and Tony studied just how serious she was being, which was very. "It's nothing, Kate. Seriously. The old bastard just has such iron grip it honestly feels like he could cut the blood circulation if he so wants. Throws a weak punch, but that grip is something else."

"The shirt, DiNozzo. Off."

Tony groaned and started thinking a whole list of things to say about it when Kate grabbed his shirt and started pulling it off.

* * *

_**\- DREAM REALITY FLASHBACK -** _

_Tony didn't know it at the time, but it was probably their last moment together, and Gibbs looking at him with almost soft look in his eyes. Things had already been bad for a long time by then, but this moment had meant everything to him, which was why Tony had trusted one last time that Gibbs did still care and they could fix things._

_He wasn't even sure why he was there now, walking down the stairs, rubbing at his slightly sprained wrist and bruised knuckles, and listening to the radio playing in the background and the sounds of the man working on his boat number... He didn't even know which boat it was. He hadn't been in the house for a while now._

_Why he was here now, it could be because the goldfish Kate was dead, again. Really, it wasn't even the original fish, but it still hurt each time. Silly thing like that... Whatever the reason, but after the drunken phone call from his dear old dad, Tony didn't feel like he was in his right mind anyway. It was strange how he always seemed to almost forget how deep Senior could cut with his words, especially when he'd taken too many and decided that 'Junior' needed to be put back to his deserved place. After all these years, why was he still so hurt each time it happened..?_

_"DiNozzo." Gibbs looked up from his boat and there was a strange look in his eyes, one Tony didn't quite recognize, not that he was trying too hard. He also realized that after all these years, he still didn't know how the boss got his boats out of the basement. Maybe he never did and simply liked to play on the whole mystery thing and keep people on their toes, which was the man's favorite hobby apparently, next to making both his and their life miserable.  
_

_Studying the old man silently for a while, Tony realized once again just how flawed the man was. How... human. Had he really once thought the man could will the impossible to happen if he so wanted? Rule the world and move the mountains, when in reality the truth was the complete opposite. "Sorry, I know it's late, but..."_

_Gibbs stared still, until he finally nodded and went back to work, waiting for the younger man to speak out whatever it was he had come there for, a rare occurrence nowadays. He had to wait almost half an hour before another word came out of his strangely quiet Agent._

_"Am I a waste of space?" Tony immediately hated himself for speaking it out._

_Gibbs froze and looked up with a confused frown. "Why would you..?"_

_Tony stared at his hands and chuckled. "My... My dad called me and... It doesn't matter..." Not to mention how he lately indeed felt like he was a waste of space around certain people, like Gibbs himself, the team and... Tony looked up, feeling tormented, while part of him was angry that such words still got him and they got him deep. "Am I?"_

_"Tony..." The boss rarely used the first name anymore... Gibbs put down the tools and although he hesitated, he walked closer and then hesitating some more, he sat down next to Tony on the staircase. "No. Of course you're not. Your father is a fool, that's all." He didn't sound too convincing, but to be fair it was hard to tell what went through the man's head in these days._

_"Are you sure about that?"_

_"Don't make me head slap you." Gibbs stood up and thankfully instead of doing it, he walked away to rummage through something. Since he had his back on Tony, the younger man couldn't see what he was doing._

_"What?" Tony stared when the boss came back, holding out something in his hands. It was a pocket watch. "Boss..?"_

_"Was going to give this to you a while ago, but... Things have been..." Gibbs sounded gruff and when Tony didn't make a move to accept the watch, Gibbs took the man's hand and made him accept it. "It's yours."_

_Tony was swallowing something, tears maybe. The weight and coldness of the antique pocket watch in his near trembling hand was doing things to his insides that most certainly were not very macho at all. "Boss... I can't take something like this..."_

_"Take it. It's been in my family since... And I've got no..." Gibbs looked strangely lost. "I want you to have it. Please."_

_If Tony was holding that watch close to his chest, then thankfully his boss didn't mention it. "Thank you."  
_

_"Oh and, DiNozzo... You better take good care of it or I'll kick your ass," Gibbs warned without much heat and Tony smiled._

_"I will..."_

_It was their last moment. And maybe, had Tony known, he would've treasured it more. Or perhaps he would've run screaming. He would never know._

* * *

"What happened?" Gibbs stopped and stared at his two agents standing next to Tony's car. Although Tony was wearing only a white tank top and Kate had her hands all over him, his arm actually, somehow there was nothing even remotely sexual about the situation. Plus, he had seen the painful grimace on the young man's face, which was gone as soon as they heard their boss.

"Nothing," Tony said and flashed a quick smile. Before he could take his shirt and put it back on, Gibbs was already there with few quick strides and, without much consideration, pushing Kate away he took Tony's arm in his.

"What's this? What happened?" He was sounding rather snappish, but the fingers moving over the already forming bruises were gentle. From the corner of his eye, Gibbs saw his two agents having a silent conversation with their eyes, or their expressions really. Finally Kate almost glared and Tony rolled his eyes and sighed.

"My dad happened."

Gibbs looked up sharply and glanced around. "He was here? What did he want? Is he still around?"

"No idea. I sent him away before... Well, Kate and I sent him away." Tony grinned all too gleefully.

"Alright... Come on. I think Ducky is still at work—"

"Oh _come on_..!" Tony protested loudly and finally pulled away and put his shirt back on. "It's just some bruises. Nothing is bleeding or broken. I've had worse from being hit with a punching bag." He grinned. "I've had worse from a sparring with Kate."

"Watch it, Tony."

Gibbs frowned, but he made up his mind then and there to look up DiNozzo Senior and keep his eyes on the man. What little he knew of the man, he didn't like this, even without his gut feeling agreeing with him... _Better watch out, bastard... You lay one finger on him, I'll break it_ , he muttered in his mind. When Tony looked at him oddly, Gibbs wondered for a moment if he had spoken it out loud.

"Come on then... Let's go home. My home," Gibbs said before Tony could think otherwise. "I doubt there's anything you can put on that arm at your place. Unless you _want_ to go see Ducky..."

Tony sighed, knowing full well he had hardly anything to even eat at his home. The curse of the job. "Fine... But no Ducky."

Gibbs didn't promise anything and Kate held back a smile at the narrowed glare Tony threw at the older man.


	69. First Class Smile

Tony had just sat down to enjoy his moment of peace, that short moment between work and nothingness. Usually it meant he'd be watching a movie or playing his piano, trying to clear his head and not think about crime scenes for a while, or if something was troubling him more than usual. Today it was not thinking about his father and what it meant that he showed up now. It wasn't a good combination to drink while thinking about his dear old dad who loved his drink, but Tony decided that one beer couldn't hurt.

He had just made himself comfortable when the doorbell rang. Of course Gibbs wouldn't take no for an answer. Of course the man wouldn't allow him a moment of peace, not so much as one night. With a frustrated groan, Tony set the bottle on the coffee table and pushed himself up from the couch. He made his way slowly to the door, using that time to rehearse his speech to the man, before opening the door, foolishly without checking first who it was. "Boss, I told you I'd be fine— dad."

"Hello, Junior," Senior grunted and then flashed his bright smile at his dumbstruck son.

"How... How did you find me?"

"Who do you think I am? Now, are you going to let me in or do I have to cause a scene in front of your neighbors for leaving your poor old father to spend the night outside?"

Tony gritted his teeth. It never did any good to be reminded just how and why he was so good with those undercover works, so good at playing different roles with such ease. "Alright. Talk," he ordered once he let the old man inside, feeling the urge to scream. When he turned around, there was all too familiar look on his father's face.

* * *

  ** _\- FLASHBACK -_**

_His father was smiling. Tony felt his body react to it without a thought. Very early on he had learned that most people found his father's smile nice and it even made most relax and lower down their natural cautiousness, even when they didn't know the man yet. Perhaps it was because he had grown around the man—more or less—learned the danger and falseness behind that smile, because Tony was never fooled._

_"Junior, come here."_

_Tony swallowed and slowly made his way closer, knowing that while whatever was waiting for him wasn't good, running would only make things much worse. That he'd learned the hard way. At the same time however, he was still yearning for his father's attention. But then, he was still just a child, ten years old. He'd spent his birthday making wishes he'd never dare utter out loud. Things he'd want to do, want to be when he would grow up. Foolish things, for sure. His father would never allow him his freedom to choose._

_"I have a friend who would like to meet you." His father didn't have friends. At least not what Tony had learned a friend meant. "He is very interested in you."_

_Tony wanted to ask, but he'd learned to keep his silence. His back straight, but not too straight. Submissive, but not too much because whatever he was, he was still a DiNozzo. Eyes not quite on the floor, but no looking in the eyes either. Silent, answer only when spoken to. Unless stated otherwise, only answer yes or no. There were many other rules, but those were the basics._

_"He has a daughter and we have decided that marrying you two would benefit both families." It would benefit the business, not the family. Tony knew that since he'd also learned not too long ago what a family meant. Or the two definitions of it. Family by blood and family by choice. "They will join us for dinner." They never ate dinner together, unless his father could benefit from it somehow. "When they arrive, you will behave like a well mannered DiNozzo heir is meant to. You have new clothes in your room, wear them. Do not disappoint me."_

_"Yes, father. I mean, no, father." Tony dared to frown, confused as he was, what would be the correct answer._

_His father scoffed. "I mean it, Junior. Do not disappoint me or we will have a word about it later."_

_Tony tried his hardest not to shiver at the underlying threat._

* * *

His father was smiling. Tony felt his body react to it without a thought. Stiff and already mentally preparing himself for whatever it was.

"There is a man I want you to meet."

"Dad. No."

"Junior," Senior warned. "He is willing to do business with me, but unfortunately he is a family man and wishes to meet my son first. He has a daughter and the union between you two would benefit both families." Senior looked at his son darkly. "I need this to work out. I mean it this time. I need the money, Junior. Do not disappoint me."

Unlike that one time—and whenever Senior thought he could benefit from trading his child for some money—Tony no longer was a young boy, unable to defend himself. He made sure to stand tall and straight, to show with his body just how much he'd surpassed the older DiNozzo. "The answer is an obvious no. I'm not your slave, part of your cattle, an old pair of shoes or whatever else you can use when it suits you and then toss away like yesterday's trash. I'm not your son. Remember? That was actually the only good thing you ever did to me, disowning me. It forced me to learn how to survive and how to live without you controlling my every move, so thanks for that."

"Is that your final word?"

"Listen to me carefully." Tony took a breath. Despite everything, he'd still been calling the man his father, dad or Senior. Sir at best. But he'd never actively called him by his name. Partly because they shared it, so it simply felt too strange. But then also because perhaps deep down he'd still always hoped that... _So_ hoped... "Anthony," he finally said with some difficulty, but made sure it didn't show. Senior looked at him oddly. "I have no father. I'm not your son. You and I have no obligations to each other. It's been working well so far, let's keep it that way."

Senior tightened his lips and then finally, "I know you have money. You really think I wasn't aware of it? That money belonged to me and my wife, until you were born. You owe me."

"You actually have the nerve... Get out."

"You owe me!"

"Out!"

"You will regret this, Junior. Mark my words, you will," Senior promised after he was forcibly pushed outside the apartment and just before the door was shut in front of his nose. Tony felt some regret it didn't hit the nose. Thankfully no play of some big scene happened for his neighbors to witness.

"I won't. I never will," Tony promised, to himself. But perhaps _ **—**_ with the threat in mind and since Senior made no idle threats _ **—**_ he should call Gibbs and let the man know what happened, just in case... Then again, the boss would demand that he go back to the man's place anyway, so...

Tony grabbed his remaining beer, his car keys and the gun, and left his apartment. Senior, thankfully, was no longer there.

* * *

He probably should feel some level of sorrow, or at least regrets, the what could've been. At least there wasn't the feeling of joy either, so that was something. Nor did he feel guilty. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to know who did it and why, since truthfully the man had too many enemies.

The NCIS had arrived on the scene first, mainly because someone had known to call them, thanks to the business card Senior had apparently snatched from his son's apartment. Tony was somewhat moved that both Gibbs and Kate were fighting for him—as was usually the case in this life, McGee had stayed behind—if only to keep the case in their team, even if he would have to stay out of it. It was appreciated, but really unnecessary.

"This is my case and you're too close to this. You all know that."

Tony stared at his father's horribly twisted and broken body, ironically in a gutter. The man wasn't smiling anymore, nor was he showing anger or disappointment. Tony felt nothing and too much. Strange, wasn't it? Only a week ago he'd been talking to the old man. Who knew it would be the last time. He finally looked away and faced Fornell.

"You misunderstood. I'm not gonna fight this. I've said I want nothing to do with him and I meant it. Dead or alive, he was never my father. The case is yours, Toby. have fun digging up dirt from his past. You ought to have fun with it. Maybe you'll find out what he did with some of my mother's property, prior to their marriage, that'd be appreciated." Then again, perhaps he was better off not knowing.

When Tony mock saluted the FBI agents and walked away, Fornell stared after him disbelievingly, because that's not how this usually went. Even if for appearance's sake only, there almost always was a fight of some kind over the jurisdictions. As of now, Senior was connected to one of Fornell's cases so it wasn't that he wasn't glad to win, but why did this feel like he'd still lost somehow?

"You sure about this, Tony?" Gibbs asked quietly, once they were out of hearing distance. Kate was the one who openly showed her concern.

"Yeah. I'm sure. I feel... strange, but it's not sadness. I don't know what I feel. That man was barely part of my life and when he was it was never pleasant, for both of us."

Gibbs's lips formed a tight, unhappy frown, but he didn't say anything. He glanced at Kate, who catching the look, rolled her eyes and almost threw her arms up in the air.

"I'll wait in the car," she muttered and hurried away, to give the men their 'moment'.

"Tony," Gibbs said and then cleared his throat uncomfortably. "If you need to talk..."

"Hardly. I'm serious, boss. I don't know what I feel, but it's neither positive nor negative. There's just... nothing definite. I'll be sure to come to you, and your bourbon, if I ever feel like crying."

"Make sure you do."

"I was joking, boss. I wouldn't cry."

Gibbs smiled, a small twist of his lips.


	70. Don't Get Blinded By The Light

Tony had spent some time trying to figure out how his father had found out where he lived—there was only a short note to go with, and compared to the Voltolini men, Senior wouldn't have been able to follow him unnoticed—and then the man was murdered, which was why it took a few more days before he even remembered to find out who smuggled the man inside the Navy Yard. He wasn't entirely surprised, but he was disappointed.

"It was you? You're the one who got my dad in this building, knowing full well that I had already made sure everyone knew he was to not set one foot past those doors, unless it was wearing handcuffs? He can't be trusted. He's a conman. He's the type who actually would sell his own mother if he could benefit from it."

"It's different. He's your father. Yes, I know that things hadn't been good between you two, but he told me he's sorry and he wanted to make it up to you, be the father to you and apologize. I only wanted what is best for you. Every child, even grown up, needs their parents. And now he's dead, but at least you got to see him one last time."

Tony shook his head. Maybe he was being cruel, but... "We don't know yet what went down, but for all we know, your actions could've pushed him to his death, so don't give me that." He spent a moment thinking about his father's final 'request' and then the threat. What if that threat wasn't merely a threat from the man himself? "Well, it's not likely, but it's something to think about next time you try to control the life of others. We never know where our actions lead." He knew that better than most people. "It's often not worth it, especially when I never asked or wanted you to do anything. You don't even know me well enough to get to decide what's good for me."

Abby's face twisted and then she looked horrified. "I never meant that to happen."

"You never do, Abby," Tony said tiredly. "You need to understand that not everything needs to be fixed. Some things can't and some don't even need fixing. This was both. You weren't there, so you don't get to tell me things like that I need to forgive my father, simply because we share blood. My forgiveness will be for my sake, not to make you feel good about yourself. I have no need for you to be my champion in a battle that has been over a long time ago."

"I only wanted to do something good... To prove that I am still your friend, a good one..."

"You can't force things like that. Work, yes, but not force it. And that's exactly what you tried to do."

"Tony..."

"No. I have work to do." Tony turned around and left the lab, leaving Abby stare after him silently, pondering over things.

* * *

Abby took a deep breath and then she finally rang the doorbell. This was it. The moment of truth, as they say. Her entire body was tingling with nervousness. For a moment she thought Tony wouldn't even open the door—because she knew he was home—but then he finally did. She nearly withered under the unreadable gaze. Tony was showing no emotions she could read, and then act accordingly.

"Sorry... Did I interrupt something?" Abby indicated at the phone now held loosely in his hand. Tony stared at her for a long time, but didn't reply.

 _"Tony?"_ the voice in the phone spoke, sounding quite worried.

Tony raised the phone to his ear to speak, "Something came up. Can I call you back later, Jack?"

_"Of course. I'll see if I can bother my son for a while."_

Tony snorted and then he ended the call, still staring at Abby.

"Jack who?" she asked.

He crossed his arms and stared her down. "What do you want?"

"Tony, please..." she pleaded quietly. "Can I come inside? For a little while."

He shook his head, but then moved aside and allowed her in, although he eyed the door as if wondering what the neighbors would think if he slammed it close. He closed it almost silently. And then he kept that silence.

Unable to take it any longer, she blurted, "I gave him your address. I'm sorry."

"Who?" Tony asked, although he already knew, had found out not too long ago after the little chat with Abby in her lab.

"Your father. I gave him your home address. He told me he missed you at work, so I gave it. I didn't think..."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm... I'm confessing my sins..."

"I'm not a priest, or Catholic."

"Really?" She eyed him somewhat dubiously, which for some reason irritated him.

"Just because I'm—half—Italian, doesn't automatically mean I'm Catholic. My father was, so I suppose you're not too far off. My mother wasn't either." That of course was yet another reason for both sides of their families to hate one another, but it was only an excuse to add more fuel into the already burning hot flames.

"Oh." She frowned. "But that's not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to apologize, but then I realized I can't if you don't even know everything I'm apologizing for..."

"Abby..." He moved in the living room and sat down on the couch. She followed, but remained standing. He crossed his arms over his knees and looked at her. "Do you remember when I joined NCIS and we talked about apartments, what was my number one priority?"

She swallowed. "Safety. Not the neighborhood per se, but that it wouldn't be where anyone could just randomly show up if you didn't want them to. I'm paraphrasing of course."

"Exactly." Tony stared her down again.

"I just thought... family..." She withered. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'll never do that again."

"Yeah, well, that's not exactly going to be a problem anymore, is it?" Tony said and Abby flinched at the reminder. Tony rubbed his eyes—too many nights in a row in front of his laptop, doing his research on various subjects, and people—thinking about his next words carefully, so there wouldn't be too much or too little. "I am going to explain this only once, without all the details and some of them will be only footnotes. If I find out you've been sharing them with anyone else, even if it's just writing it in a diary and someone happens to find it—"

"I wouldn't!"

"If I find out you've been sharing this, you will find out just how unpleasant I can be. Same thing if you go snooping around without my say-so. No more chances to make this work. That'd be the end of our relationship, for good. You'd be just another McGee for me and nothing personal."

"I understand..."

Tony closed his eyes for a moment and indicated with his hand for her to sit down, which she did. This wasn't going to be easy, for both of them. She hadn't earned the right to know all the details, and yet she also needed the cold hard truth. He needed to speak calmly and slowly enough, to give himself time to pick and choose what to say and how. She had to understand that not all was what it seemed in real life. Although, you'd think she already knew that.

He talked about a young boy who lost his mother, a woman who for all her faults had probably loved him, who had been ruined by the man she foolishly married, while still too young and naive. The man who might have as well killed her himself, and then respected her by spending as little money as possible for her funeral, sleeping with her best friend and then having a string of marriages, the first one not too long after her death.

Tony then talked about growing up with the man whose god almighty was the money and power, and all the trouble and enemies that came with it. Talked about the mind games that were played, among other things. Leaving him behind in a hotel didn't even count on the list of things that had been done on purpose, because he had indeed been forgotten and not for the first time. Being left alone to fend for himself, practically raise himself, was not an unusual thing. His father was a man who didn't like getting his own hands dirty, but had no trouble selling his own son. Even to the predators of children. It never happened, Tony assured Abby, but it was a close thing.

Having shared the 'high points' where he played the main role, Tony shared some of the cases of the conman in action who stole left and right, was better at lying than telling the truth, charming even the most wary and distrustful people he met, leaving behind destruction and broken lives, and sometimes broken hearts.

The morning found the two still awake and Tony finally stopped talking when his alarm went off. He decided it would have to be enough for now, the sharing. It was now out of his hands. What she did from now on, that was in her hands.


End file.
